Duodecimus: Enough for Everyone
"And so we offer these souls to our Patron, the Architect of Fate, that we might drink of his power, and see visions of the future!" the dark robed cultist chanted, ritual knife in his raised hand. Around him stood a circle of cultists who were chanting in low voices, and at the center of a carefully drawn pentagram were the bound and huddled forms of a dozen unfortunate souls. One of which, a young girl, looked up with tears in her eyes.
"Why?" she begged, looking up at the titanic leader of the cult. "You're a Space Marine! One of the Dark Angels! You...you should be saving us!"
The cult members sneered at the girl, and did not answer her. Their leader was one of the Fallen, a Chaos Sorcerer of Tzeentch. Little did the cultists know that they too were to be an offering for their own Dark Gods, that the Fallen Marine might obtain vengeance on the chapter he had betrayed.
The chanting had just about reached a crescendo when it slowed, as a strange noise filled the air. The Fallen sorcerer jerked a head to one cultist, who stepped out to check the surroundings as the music continued, along with strange, wordless chanting. The cultist in question stopped just by the door, as a single word became audible.
Thunder!
Thunder!
Thunder!
On the third repetition of the word, the door blew inward, reducing the poor cultist to paste, and sending a flood of light into the darkened chamber. As it did, three shapes stormed into the room, as their leader screamed, "YOU'VE BEEN MIKI STRUCK!"
The Fallen Marine snarled, and attempted to slam his knife down into one of the weeping victims, only for there to be the bark of a rifle and a puff of smoke, and the knife went clattering away.
"None of that now," Mami lectured, grinning down the barrel of her gun.
"We're here to kick ass, and chew gum!" Kyoko declared, blowing a large bubble of the stuff as the music built to a crescendo.
Just as they magical girls were about to charge in, the Fallen Sorcerer asked, "Did you bring enough for everyone?"
The three magical girls stumbled over themselves, straightening up. "Dammit, Kyoko!" Sayaka snarled, turning off her music. "I've told you what would happen if you keep eating during fights!"
"Well, it is only polite to provide everyone with some gum, now that's she's brought it up," Mami pointed out.
"Oh shut up," Kyoko grumbled, digging out a handful of bubble gum. "I did bring enough fer everyone." Dutifully, the red haired magical girl went around, passing out a piece of gum to each of the cultists and even the victims, who could only stare in dumbfounded bewilderment. Once everyone had a piece of gum, Kyoko resumed her place with her friend. "Better?"
The chaos marine took a moment to blow a large bubble, popping it loudly in satisfaction before nodding. "Better. Ready?"
The girls nodded, and then the cultists all screamed and rushed them as the Chaos Sorcerer drew upon the warp. He didn't get very far, as Kyoko extended her spear clean through his head in a spray of gore and pink bubblegum, proving that everyone should always wear a helmet. The cultists lasted only slightly longer, as the magical girls easily defeated them.
"Looks like he..." Sayaka said, standing over the corpse of the marine and pulling out her sunglasses. "Couldn't keep his head in the game." She carefully slid the shades on as Kyoko let out a loud groan
"Who are you people?" one of the freed captives as he rubbed his wrists. This prompted a grin from Sayaka and an eye roll from Kyoko, while Mami just smiled.
"We are!" Sayaka declared, striking a pose by kneeling down on the ground, and spreading her arms out in a low V shape. Mami sprang behind her, T posing, while Kyoko turned her back, extending one arm up and out and flexing the other.
"Girls! Introductions!" Sayaka ordered.
"Mami Tomoe!"
Kyoko Sakura!"
"And the leader, Sayaka Miki!"
Mami winked and continued, "When evil rears its ugly head-"
"-and hope is hard to find," Kyoko continued.
"Fear not! For we will stop it just in time!" Sayaka laughed.
"TOKUSENTAI! ELITE MAGICAL GIRL SQUAD!" all three shouted, prompting even more confusion from their rescuees. Especially when the far wall exploded inward, as a new group Kool-Aid Man'd their way into the now somewhat crowded chamber.
"FILTHY HERETICS!" the leader barked, raising a crackling thunder hammer. "YOU SHALL CONFESS YOUR SINS BEFORE WE- Oh. Oh there seems to have been a mistake here."
"Wait, are these more o' those Chaos assholes?" Kyoko asked, frowning at the newcomers and dropping her pose.
"HOW DARE YOU!" the man roared, though his armor was rather similar to the marine Kyoko had killed only minutes ago. "WE ARE THE DARK ANGELS! And we have absolutely no terrible secrets to hide whatsoever."
"DID SOMEONE SAY MURDER PEOPLE HORRIFICALLY!?" another of the strangers demanded, taking out several implements of turture and looking around with a mad gleam in his dark eyes.
"No, no Asmodi. It seems everything is-" the man paused, spying the dead corpse of the Chaos Sorcerer. "-just like we thought."
"Wait, are you the good Dark Angels?" the little girl asked nervously. "He said he was one of the Fallen, and that he was going to kill us…"
"Oh, right, you're that weird chapter that's all obsessed with their secrets and junk," Sayaka mused. "Well, if you're the good ones, don't worry, we killed the Fallen dude before he could summon demons or whatever, so it's all good."
Azrael, Chapter Master of the Dark Angels, groaned and shook his head as Asmodai began to quiver, his implements of torture vibrating eagerly in his hands. "No torturing, Asmodai. They are loyal Imperial Citizens. Just kill them quickly for daring to discover our chapter's secrets."
"YAY!" Asmodai squealed, and rushed forward, only to meet Sayaka's blades as she glared at him.
"Hey! What's the big deal? You said it, these are good people! And we just saved them! No need to kill anyone, you're the good guys, right?" Sayaka demanded.
"Azrael," the largest of the Dark Angels in Deathwing armor moaned. "Do we really have to kill them all? It's so shameful…"
"If we wish to preserve the honor of our chapter, all who learn our secrets must be destroyed!" Azrael snapped. "Even if they have nothing to repent of!"
"DID YOU SAY MURDER THEM VIOLENTLY?" Asmodai demanded, grunting as he strained against Miki. "ALSO, SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THIS HUMAN. SHE IS TOO STRONG."
"That's because I'm a magical girl," Sayaka said airly, grinning at Asmodai despite the fact that she was sweating with the strain of holding him off. "And we're empowered by the Goddess of Hope, Madoka."
"Did you say magic?" Azrael demanded.
"Yeah, you deaf or something, moron?" Kyoko demanded, popping a loud bubble and chewing noisily.
Asmodai suddenly paused, stepping away from Sayaka and pointing at Kyoko. "DID YOU BRING ENOUGH FOR EVERYONE?"
"Hey, yeah!" Belial whined. "It's not fair if you didn't bring enough to share!"
"Oh for the love of- FINE! But y'all better be GRATEFUL, you understand?" Kyoko stalked forward, shoving gum into the hands of each of the Dark Angels, who happily took the gum and began to chew.
"Ok," Azrael said around a mouthful of gum. "Thanks for sharing. But, as we all know, Magic is Heresy. Which makes you double heretics for knowing about the Fallen."
"That's dumb though, we're not some stupid Chaos Cultists, we're the Champions of Hope! We saved these people! And Kyoko gave you all her gum and you didn't even say thank you!" Sayaka argued.
Azrael sighed and rolled his eyes. "Yes, fine. What do we say to the heretic for the gum, Brothers?"
"Thank you, Kyoko," the Dark Angels chorused.
"Yer welcome," Kyoko muttered. "But I ain't forgivin' ya'll for tryin' ta murder Sayaka or these nice people."
"What about her?" Belial demanded, pointing to Mami.
Kyoko went even redder than her hair. "I mean, Mami too, it's just-"
"It's quite alright, I know what you meant," Mami chuckled, then turned serious. "But gentlemen, if you are going to attempt to slay these people, I am afraid we must object most strenuously."
"What she means is we'll kick your ass!" Sayaka laughed, striking a pose and thrusting her chest forward heroically.
"None may stand before the Sons of the Lion!" Azrael snarled. "Dark Angels, ensure our secrets are kept!"
"Wait, we ain't supposed ta fight the Imperium!" Kyoko hissed at Sayaka. "Madoka says we got ta make nice with 'em even if they are a bag of dicks."
"Oh fine," Sayaka muttered. She turned to the Dark Angels as they reluctantly advanced on the givers of gum. "This ain't the last you'll see of us! We'll hunt down your stupid secrets, and figure out if you're just assholes, or traitors! Come on girls."
With that, the three magical girls grabbed the former hostages, vanishing from the room with a pop, and leaving behind the very confused Dark Angels.
"Where did they go? We had anti-teleportation fields erected! Did they use the warp?" Azrael ranted as he stormed about the room, slashing and hacking at any possible hiding place.
"Um, no I don't think so," Belial said, scratching at his head.
"Well, we shall not rest until we find these magical girls, and destroy them!" Azrael vowed. "They know too much!"
"DID YOU SAY MURDER THEM VIOLENTLY?" Asmodai demanded, standing up from where he had been sitting and sulking at being denied someone to murderize.
"Yes, Asmodai. Yes I did," Azrael growled. "Come! We must return to the Rock and formulate a plan for keeping our secrets from spreading! Dark Angels, Away!"
Meanwhile, across the galaxy on Vietstallia, the magical girls were depositing their very thoroughly baffled charges with Canoness Temperance and the Order of the Sacred Shroud.
"Sorry about this, but we sorta rescued more people and need somewhere for them to stay," Sayaka explained.
"The Saints of Hope are always welcome in our halls," Temperance agreed. "We shall see to it that these lost ones are fed and sheltered. Sisters, see to them."
The relieved refugees were led away, and though they would have to start new lives on a new world, they were grateful they yet lived. They were a bit confused at the statues of Seven Goddesses and that the icons of the Emperor now had breasts, but they would soon learn the ways of the New Cult Imperialis.
"Will you be staying with us, sisters?" Temperance asked Sayaka.
"Eh, that depends. What do you know about the Dark Angels?" Sayaka asked curiously.
Temperance frowned. "They are a chapter with many secrets. Some say that their Fortress Monastery holds a great treasure, or perhaps hidden relics, or even their chained primarch for the whole chapter has turned traitor. Myself, I say that they are hunted by the sins of the past and the souls of their fallen brothers, for they never arrived during the Siege of Terra. For that, they hold themselves in eternal shame for failing the God Empress."
"Huh. Well that would explain why they're so murder happy, but not the evil guy," Sakaya mused. She shrugged, thoughtful contemplation not being one of her strong points. "Thanks. Cecily around?"
"She has just finished instructing a new group of evangelists to spread the Word of the Seven and the Empress to nearby sectors," Temperance confirmed. "When the time comes, we shall be ready to spread the Light of Hope. Do you require more clerics to aid you?"
"Nah, just Cecily. I got a plan!" Sayaka laughed, and hurried inside the monastery.
It wasn't hard to find Cecily, who was in a dark alcove with one of the sisters having a vigorous theological discussion about the merits of the Axis Cult. Once Cecily was dressed again, Sayaka laid out her plan.
"So, we're gonna teleport into this Rock, and find out whatever secrets they have? Sign me up, I love gossip!" Cecily cackled.
"Wait, why are we doin' this? Ain't we supposed to be spreadin' hope and stuff?" Kyoko demanded, popping another bit of gum in her mouth.
"We ARE gonna spread hope. By finding out these dorks secrets and exposing them!" Sayaka explained. "That way, they can quit being so grouchy all the time."
"I don't know, this seems quite reckless. How shall we infiltrate an entire fortress monastery?" Mami asked, being the sole voice of reason in the group.
Sayaka's eyes flashed and she grinned widely. "Easy. With Cat-Like Tread. We just have to rehearse for a bit first."
It had all started simply enough. In his gathering of the Ultramarines and their successor chapters, Guilliman had begun to reform the planetary governments of the systems he passed through, ensuring that governors were loyal and effective, and if not replacing them with temporary new leaders selected from the Ultramarines or their serfs who would ensure that the sector stayed loyal to the Empress, as well as supplying tithes of guardsmen to Guilliman instead of sending them to Terra which was calling for forces itself.
Before he knew it, Guilliman was spending more time reorganizing systems and governments to be more efficient than actually moving things forward with the retaking of Terra.
"Damnantion," he growled, looking down at the auspex of the Macragge's Honour. "We are grossly behind schedule. How long to the next system?"
"Three days, my lord," the ship's captain, a serf of the chapter who was voidborn, and had lived his entire life aboard the Macragge. Unlike most ships captains, he was not actually second unto the Emperor aboard the ship, but instead saw to the minutiae of running the battle barge and followed the orders of whatever officer of the Ultramarines was in charge.
"We need to move faster!" Guilliman growled, shaking his head.
"It would be easier if we had access to the magics of those goddesses," Calgar observed. "You've done good work, my primarch. These systems were being badly mismanaged."
"Perhaps, but I lost sight of the end goal, which is to reclaim Terra. I was asleep too long," Guiliman sighed. He paused though, considering. "Maybe we could claim further aid from these goddesses. Do we have a way of contacting them?"
Calgar shifted uneasily, but nodded. "Some of the brothers...the one called Aqua gave them documents for them to join her cult. When she helped heal you, many of them began to worship her as an aspect of the Empress. Or, in some cases...a goddess in her own right."
"Have they," Guilliman considered this, then shrugged. "For now, I see no problem with this. Unlike the Empress, I understand the use of religion as a unifying and motivating factor for humanity. And even astartes need someone to believe in. We saw how well denying religion to space marines worked in the Heresy. Bring me these brothers."
It turned out that there were several dozen Axis Cultists amongst the Ultramarines now. Most of them were somewhat embarrassed that their new religious devotion had been revealed, but all made it clear they would not renounce the goddess who had healed their primarch, to said primarchs amusement.
"I will not order you to do so, my sons. Instead, I wish for you to pray to this goddess, and ask on my behalf for her to come and guide us through the warp, as these goddesses appear to be able to reach destinations far faster than we can through traditional methods."
The brothers quickly agreed, and knelt to pray. Guilliman nodded and turned away, only for an eerie blue light to fill the chamber. He turned back incredulously as the glowing form of Aqua appeared in the air before the kneeling brothers.
I am Aqua, goddess of water. I have heard your prayers, my faithful followers, and I have come to answer your prayers.
Aqua floated to the ground smiling happily as the Axis Marines began to praise her. After a moment, Guilliman blinked. She was like a child who simply wanted to be praised and adored. She'd come just to hear someone compliment her, hadn't she?
"Well, this is totally better than beating up demons!" Aqua laughed. She turned, spying Guillliman. "Hey, Robert! So, you wanted to tell me how awesome I am too, huh? Want to sign up for my cult? I'll grant you a special blessing if you do!"
"Oh, great and powerful goddess," Guilliman said, ignoring his mispronounced name. "We seek your aid, and only you can help us. We must travel through the warp to a new system to continue our efforts to restore my mother to her throne, but only a goddess as beautiful and powerful as yourself can possibly hear us."
At the flattery, Aqua beamed, grinning smugly and striking a haughty pose. "Well, if it's something only a wonderful goddess such as myself can do, naturally I'll help! What's up?"
"We need you to move the Macragge's Honour through the warp to the Cohors system," Guilliman told the vapid goddess.
"What's the Mack Rags Honor?" Aqua asked, blinking at Guilliman.
"That would be the ship you are on," Guilliman answered slowly, wondering how simple this goddess was, exactly.
"Oh. Ok! It's kinda big, so I'll need lots of prayers and offerings for that cause I'm kinda tired from smiting all those demons!" Aqua punched the air and made a few Bruce Lee sounds, to Guilliman's utter incredulity. "Also, do you have any snacks or bubbly? I'm pretty hungry and stuff."
"Bubbly?" Guilliman asked, his turn to be mystified.
"You know, alcohol. I like bubbly, but wine is OK if that's all you got. Or ale. Actually, I'm not all that picky, I just like to have fun!" Aqua tittered.
"Very well. I shall see to it you are provided with your request," Guilliman agreed. He had Aqua taken to a state room, where she was pampered for a bit. He was willing to put up with a little divine nonsense if it produced results.
And indeed, a few hours later, after a nap and a rather shocking display of drunkenness and gluttony from a deity, Aqua skipped happily up to the ship's bridge. Once she understood where she was to take the Macragge (which took some doing) she screwed up her face, closed her eyes, and grunted. There was no transition as there would be through the warp, Aqua simply laughed and relaxed, giving Guilliman a thumbs up. "Done! Now, I think that deserves more prayers and offerings for being such a wonderful goddess!"
"My lord, we have indeed arrived in the Cohors System," the captain confirmed. "We are still gathering data, but-"
Aqua suddenly let out a low growl, and the hairs on the back of her neck stood up as she slowly turned to face towards a distant blue dot. She stalked forward until she pressed her face up to the view port, still growing. "There's a Devil King on that world."
"What?" Guilliman asked, looking up from the auspex as information trickled in. "A Devil King?"
"A powerful one," Aqua snarled, though her voice was a bit muffled from her nose being pressed to the stained glass window. "Where are my followers?"
"My lady?" A veteran sergeant asked, coming over.
"What does the Axis Cult say about the Devil King!?" Aqua demanded, whirling on the marine, who towered over her.
The brother straightened, and saluted. "Slay the Daemons. Defeat the Devil King."
"You're darn right! You, Robot! We need to go down there and beat up the Devil King! You're like, knights or something right? Well, as your goddess, I will Bless you to beat up all the demons! I'll even help you with my amazing powers!"
"We do not know-" Guilliman started, but then gazed at some of the data on his screen. "These are distress signals."
"My Lord! We are detecting enemy vessels near Cohors tertius!" the captain cried. "We are still trying to catalogue most of their profiles, but one has been identified! It is the Pride of the Emperor!"
"Fulgrim's flagship," Guilliman snarled, his massive fists tightening until his armor creaked. "Well. It seems you have granted me a great boon, Goddess. I-"
"Call me Aqua," the goddess said, hurrying over and standing up on her tiptoes to look down at the screen. "What's all that stuff mean? There are like, a LOT of demons out there. I can smell them."
"You can smell demons? From light minutes away?" Guilliman asked, curious.
Aqua rubbed her nose, grimacing. "I mean, sorta? It's not really a smell, like, with your nose. I just...they're wrong. And I can tell the wrongness is there, and it sorta stinks. Now make this bucket of bolts hurry up and get down there! Those demons are a bunch of jerks!"
"Oh, do not fear. We shall make the enemy weep," Guiliman swore, picturing repaying Fulgrim for all the pain he had suffered.
It was, of course, not that simple. There were still loyalist naval elements in the system, and Guilliman needed to make contact with them and coordinate a resistance. Aqua ranted on about slaying demons and destroying them as quickly as possible. She reminded Guilliman of a fanatic, until she sat down and started to cry suddenly mid tirade. At first he thought it was merely the annoying creature was being petulant because she wasn't getting her way of charging in blindly.
"P-please, you h-have to hurry!" Aqua blubbered, her tears flowing as she looked towards the planet with anguish. This involved staring at the floor, as the ship had reoriented itself. "The Devil King is killing people now! H-he's torturing them, and taking their souls! I-I'm too far to keep them safe! G-get me c-closer and I can s-stop those b-bastard gods from eating them, b-but they're still in pain!"
Guilliman blinked, then regarded his display. Indeed, only minutes before the Emperor's Children had made landfall near the capitol city, and were likely beginning their sadistic tortures. "You can sense this? Why do you care? None of your followers live there."
"Because they're PEOPLE!" Aqua ranted. "I'm a goddess! It's my job to protect mortals and their souls! It's just...it's wrong! It's like watching someone pour good bubbly on the ground, only, only worse! It's just wrong!"
"Fulgrim is powerful. He could slay you if you challenged him," Guilliman told Aqua, watching to see her reaction.
"Oh please! I'm, like, a super powerful goddess! Not even Madoka is better at beating up demons and healing people than I am!" Aqua boasted, a smile returning to her face before she sniffled again. "But I'm not so good at fighting mortals. I think I'll need my friends." Aqua closed her eyes, and Guilliman cocked his head to one side.
"What do you mean you're busy, Darkness?!" Aqua suddenly demanded apparently empty space. "Why do you want to take a bath in fire? Fire's icky! Oh, you're just being a pervert again, you useless crusader! Fine, be that way! I hope those guys are super nice to you and call you Lalatina! I'll just make Kazuma and Megumin come!"
There was a sudden snap and pop as two figures appeared on the bridge of the Macragge. Aqua grinned for a moment, then let out a cry as the newcomers jumped her.
"WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR, YOU WORTHLESS GODDESS!" one of them, a male human somewhere around early adulthood demanded, shaking Aqua roughly. "We were defending the Eternity gate! Megumin was on a kill streak!"
"You stupid jerk!" the girl Megumin, Guilliman assumed, yelled as she kicked at the goddess. "I almost unleashed an Explosion right as you summoned me! I could have blown us all up!"
"Ow, ow, ow! Stop you two!" Aqua wailed. "There's a super strong Devil King here and I want you to help me beat him!"
The two violent strangers paused in their attempt at apparent deicide. "Huh? A Devil King? Wait, who are these schmucks? Where are we?"
There was a click, and the two humans froze as a dozen battle brothers pointed their bolters, chain swords, and other weapons at them. "HERETICS! HOW DARE YOU ASSAULT THE GODDESS!"
"WAAAAAIIIIITTTT!" Aqua wailed, throwing herself between her defenders and those assailing her. "This is Kazuma and Megumin! They're like, my best buds! You can't kill them, it's a pain in the butt to bring them back to life! Also, Kazuma gets grumpy if you kill him, and Megumin sulks."
"I DO NOT SULK!" Megumin snapped, hiding behind Aqua and peeping out. She suddenly blinked. "Wait, are these space marines? Like from Starcraft?" For some reason, those words made Guilliman irrationally angry, but he controlled himself.
"If they are I bet they're a bunch of hicks," Kazuma snickered. "LIsten to country music and everything."
"Hold, my sons," Guilliman ordered, and the confused Ultramarines lowered their weapons and backed away. Guilliman strode over to loom over Aqua and her supposed friends. To his shock, the goddess suddenly grew in size, until she was his equal in height. Her eyes took on the shape of glowing sapphires, and her skin became translucent and seemed to shimmer as though it were made of liquid.
YOU HURT MY FRIENDS AND I WON'T GIVE YOU A RIDE AGAIN ROWBOAT GIRLYMAN!
"I did not intend to," Guilliman said evenly, his left temple twitching slightly at the continued butchering of his name. "I merely wished to inquire why you allow humans to abuse you so."
OH. WELL, WE'RE FRIENDS. WE FIGHT SOMETIMES. THEY MIGHT BE MORTALS, OR, UM, THEY WERE MORTALS UNTIL I KINDA SORTA MADE THEM MY CHAMPIONS, BUT ANYWAY, PERVZUMA AND CHUUNI-BOOMBOOMS ARE MY BEST FRIENDS EVER. SO IT'S OK.
"You do not smite them for mocking and deriding you?" Guilliman prodded.
NO, I ONLY SMITE PEOPLE IF THEY'RE BAD, LIKE THOSE JERKS KILLING PEOPLE ON THAT PLANET! OR IF THEY MAKE ME REALLY MAD BY DOING SOMETHING REALLY BAD LIKE EATING BABIES OR SOMETHING. OR HURTING MY FOLLOWERS OR POLLUTING WATERS, OR ANY OF THE OTHER THINGS THAT PISS ME OFF.
"You really don't want to know what she did to the executives of a company she caught spilling oil on a freshwater lake," Kazuma mentioned, apparently unperturbed by the giant primarch or the goddess unveiled.
"If he failed in his duty, then punishment was merited," Guilliman answered. He regarded the goddess for a moment longer. "You are a strange being. Mercurial and changing, from enraged and destructive, yet apparently compassionate and tender."
"Duh, did you not hear her? She's a water goddess," Megumin pointed out. "She changes her mind all the time."
"Also she's not very smart," Kazuma sniggered.
The goddess suddenly shrunk, whirling and letting out a snarl of rage as she tackled Kazuma. "SHUT UP YOU STUPID PEDO-NEET! I'M SMART ENOUGH TO BEAT UP DEVIL KINGS AND MAKE YOU IMMORTAL!"
"Yeah, well, you can't even do simple math without using your fingers!" the boy snarled as he tussled with the goddess, pinching her cheeks and making her cry again. "And I'm not a pedo! Megumin's like, six thousand years old or something now! And we didn't get married until she was 16!"
"Math is stupid! And once a pedo-neet, always a pedo-neet!"
"Once a useless goddess, always a useless goddess!"
"Asshole!"
"Bitch!"
"My primarch should we...do something?" Calgar asked, coming over to look down at the goddess and her champion as they rolled about on the deck, snarling and squabbling like a pair of angry cats.
"Don't worry, they do this all the time. Kazuma's just scared because there's a Devil King we have to fight, and Aqua's sad because people are dying. They just do this to relieve tension," Megumin said smugly.
"SHUT UP YOU STUPID CHUUNI!" Kazuma and Aqua roared together, which resulted in Megumin smacking both of them with the staff she was carrying and ranting about her "culture."
"I...do not understand these goddesses and other divine beings," Calgar sighed. "They are powerful and useful, but they are like children."
"If a child could move a battle barge between stars in an instant, detect demons from millions of kilometers, and restore the dead to life," Guilliman agreed. "Goddesses. What a strange world I have returned to. Prepare the brothers! We make contact with the enemy soon!"
That got the three arguing idiots to cease.
"Don't worry, Megumin will blow up those stupid ships!" Aqua cheered.
"They are yet millions of kilometers distant, and they are enormous warships. How could this woman do this?" Guilliman demanded.
Megumin smirked. "BEHOLD! I AM MEGUMIN! FOREMOST GENIUS OF THE CRIMSON DEMON CLAN! Get me close enough, and I shall destroy any warship in a single blow!"
Guilliman doubted it, but was willing to see what would happen. Indeed, when the battle was joined, the Wage of Sin maneuver itself to within ramming distance of the Macragge. The ship was racing to avoid such a blow, but Guilliman pointed to the chaos battleship and informed Megumin, "If you wish to prove yourself, now is the time. You said you needed visual range. Well. Now you have it."
Baring her teeth, Megumin began to chant.
Void of my soul come forth,
Crimson of my blood, I call upon thee!
Let my glory manifest in divine wrath!
For all shall tremble before my might!
I wield the greatest of magics in any universe!
Behold, the Power of Megumin!
EXPLOSION!
The blast was like a small sun, and Guilliman watched as the Void Shields of the Wage of Sin flickered, then died. Megumin fell over, groaning that she had failed, but Guilliman grinned in triumph.
"All guns, target that ship!" Guilliman roared, and moments later, the lance batter of the Macragge's Honor fired, tearing a great chunk out of the 18 kilometer long Wage, and causing it to leak atmosphere in great gouts. At an attack from one of the local fleet elements, the enemy battleship shuddered, and began to break up.
"Get her ready for another!" Guilliman ordered, rapidly reformulating his battleplans to account for this new advantage. "And close to visual range with the enemy!"
"Yeah yeah, hold on," Kazuma grumbled. "Come here Aqua."
"I hate this part," Aqua muttered, holding out her hand to Kazuma. "It feels so icky."
"Yeah, well, you wanted to slay the Devil King. Drain Touch!"
It took several minutes to re-arm Megumin, but to Guilliman's reckoning, that was incredibly fast. A weapon capable of crippling or destroying an enemy battleship could have a reload time of hours or even days, and he would find a use for it. To have it come in the form of an odd woman was simply delightful. That made it compact, easy to transport, and best of all, totally unsuspected by the enemy. What he wouldn't give for a thousand such individuals.
Of course, the problem with a superweapon was that once it was revealed, the enemy adapted. Megumin turned out to require that she be able to see her target, however distant. When the enemy ships maneuvered away, she was unable to continue her assault. Still, it had opened a path to the planet's surface.
"Stay here, and ward our backs," he ordered the pair of odd humans. "If the enemy returns, destroy their ships. Do you require the goddess to be able to reload your ability?"
"No, I can make do with mana from one of the space marines if they let Kazuma Drain Touch them," Megumin replied. "Aqua's is just the most potent. I won't be able to blow up a whole ship without her divine mana, but I can probably still cripple one."
"That will have to be enough. I require the goddess. I believe my treacherous brother is below. I would have words with him, then have the goddess extract his supposedly pure soul," Guilliman.
"What? I don't want to talk to those assholes, I want to beat 'em up and send them to Satella!" Aqua ranted.
Guilliman grinned, holding up a power fist, which crackled with energy. "I was thinking of having a different sort of discussion."
Aqua blinked at the fist. "What, you mean like punch him?"
Kazuma groaned and pinched his nose, but Guilliman simply nodded.
"Alright! I love those sorts of talks! I have a few things to say myself!" Aqua declared, cracking her knuckles. "Let's do this!"
Minutes later, Aqua was crying and vomiting as they rode a thunderhawk down to the planet's surface where the goddess had indicated the "Devil King" was. Guilliman surmised she meant a daemon prince, and figured that would be the place to look. He absently rubbed at the scar where his treacherous brother had stabbed him. He was so looking forward to returning the favor.
Author's Note:
After the last chapter, I received a great deal of feedback from people who felt that I was treating the 40k characters unfairly, and that this was turning into an unfun bashfic. As that was never my intentions, I'm going to look over the chapters I have written and try to present things a little more evenly. With that said, doing so is going to take time. I've been putting out chapters at a pretty rapid pace, and I can't sustain that if I'm going to be heavily editing things and working with my betas on this story. As such, for the foreseeable future, updates will be half as frequent, at minimum, and may be even more delayed. I'll commit to one chapter a month, but no more than that. Eventually more frequent updates may resume, but probably not until next year at the absolute earliest.