WARNING: This chapter contains very mature topics and themes that some readers may find unsettling. If you are struggling with any of the subjects below, please contact or seek medical help immediately. I will provide hotlines at the end of this chapter in case anyone needs them.
Needle's POV
I woke up the next day feeling more relaxed than ever.
For the last two weeks I've been nothing but stressed and worked up ever since I found out the situation with Skyclan. It's been nothing but tense and anxious. However, for the first time in so long, I've felt like the world was lifted off my shoulders. I sat up in my bed and blinked several times, trying to remember what happened last night. To the right of me was a large blurry figure with broad shoulders and well defined back muscles that flexed with every movement the figure made. They were sitting on the edge of the bed, so I couldn't see their face clearly. I groaned, feeling drowsy. As soon as I made the noise, the figure stopped shifting and sat completely still. I still couldn't see who it was, but I raised my head a little bit to recognize my surroundings a little more.
I rubbed my eyes to realize I was in the room I was temporarily staying at in the bunker. The room was dark, the only thing lighting it up being the small lamp on the bedside table. Even though the room was dark, I could tell it was the next morning because my hologram was displaying the time 7:06 am in the distance. Above the little digital clock was the image I found of Jacques, or well, an old image of him. In the picture he was giving an emotionless grin while looking at the camera with dead eyes. Every time I look at that picture of him, a shiver runs down my spine. The mere sight of him makes my skin crawl. So I looked away from the hologram and instead turned my attention towards the figure in front of me.
From the get go I could tell it was a guy from the shape of his back and the size of his muscles. He had chestnut colored skin that seemed to radiate throughout the room, even though it was still extremely dark. But his hair was a surprising bright brown that seemed to be wet and pulled to the side. The sides of his head were partially shaved, leaving a little gradient the further it went down his head as the rest of his curly hair was left on top with the front of it long enough to be pulled to the side. But what seemed to stand out from the figure's back were a bunch of red scratch marks.
I felt myself blush badly as I looked down at myself completely in the nude. I quickly pulled up the sheets to cover my breasts as I realized they were very much exposed for the whole world to see. I went to pull my ponytail to the side to find it almost out, creating a completely tangled mess. Everything about me was a mess, yet, I didn't feel the same inside. I felt beautiful and loved and complete. It was the first time in so long I felt stress free. Sure, I did feel sore and stretched, but none of that mattered to me because I felt like I could spend the rest of my days right here with no problems. When I went to fix my hair, I turned to the figure sitting on the edge of my bed, remembering exactly what happened last night while trying not to let my face go so red.
I had sexual intercourse with Alder. I actually had sex with the man I love. And not only that, but it was nice. It was everything I wished for and more. It had feeling and actual love behind it. It was blissful. It was amazing. It felt right. It had actual meaning and rhythm behind all of it.
It was perfect.
I held the bed sheets closer to my chest while remembering everything that had happened last night. Everything that made last night feel like heaven. My heart raced from the flashback as I glanced at Alder, who was still facing away from me. Carefully, I reached out my hand and placed it on his upper back where the red scratches were present. He became stiff from my touch and didn't seem to relax. Maybe the scratches were hurting him. I gulped and let go of the blanket. Having less restrictions, I was able to reach out my hands and wrap them around him so they were placed over his heart. I turned my head to the side and laid my right cheek on the back of his neck, closing my eyes and breathing his cool mint cologne.
He didn't make any reaction to let me know he wanted the attention, nor was he pulling away. He was just sitting completely still. I could feel his racing heartbeat against my fingertips, but other than that, he was acting like nothing more than a statue. Alder was leaning his head forward, seemingly just looking at the ground while he rested his arms on his bare muscular thighs. Finally, I felt his lungs take in a big inhale of air before clearing his throat.
"Needle," he started in a raspy voice, making my cheeks flare up, "What we did last night- was- uhm-"
I felt myself start to get nervous from his stutter. "What about last night?" I asked, "Didn't you like it?"
"No no, I did," he corrected quickly while still avoiding my eye contact, "I just feel like it was- I don't know- wrong."
I fell silent from his sentence. Gently, I raised my head from the back of his neck and rested my chin on his shoulder. Alder looked the opposite way, as if he was trying to avoid me. He wasn't telling me something. I felt the butterflies in my stomach from last night morph into creepy crawly cockroaches. My hands slowly fell from his chest so they were now hovering over his abdominal muscles.
"What do-" I paused to catch my anxious breath, "What do you mean by wrong?"
Alder's shoulders shrank forward. Something was up. I knew him for too long to know he was keeping something. Finally, he gulped the saliva building up in his mouth. In his hands, he was clutching onto his black boxers that were now wrinkled. Littered across the floor were the rest of our clothes, reminding the both of us the actions we made with each other.
"Needle," Alder hesitated, "You've been my best friend ever since we were children. You were there for me through all of the hardships and I was there when things got tough for you as well. You know I like you. And I know you have strong feelings for me, but-" he gulped, "I'm not sure if I like you the same way you like me."
I stayed silent while he continued to explain himself. "I don't know what pushed me to have intercourse with you because I never thought of you that way before. I never thought of you that way until you brought it up. That's why I'm so conflicted. I didn't know if what I was feeling last night was true love or just plain lust, and I'm still not sure what I'm feeling for you now. And the deal with the doctor's oath. I broke it. I ignored it and i didn't know why. I abandoned my duty and because of it I don't think I can ever face my coworkers the same way I used to. And we didn't even use protection. I haven't gotten a vasectomy and I'm pretty sure you haven't gotten surgery either. So we broke the most sacred rule to the doctors. And it was all my fault. I basically ruined our lives."
"Alan," I tried to comfort, "You didn't ruin our lives. We'll figure something out-"
"No," he interrupted in a now low voice, "I don't want your sympathy. That's the last thing I need right now. And yes, it was my fault. I agreed to this, I was the one who made the first move, and it was my duty to remember my oath and keep my desires in control. So yes, all of this is my fault. None of it is your's. I'm the only one you should blame." He looked further down at the ground, clutching onto his underwear. "I should go."
Alder pulled away from me and stood up from the bed. I almost let gravity take my head to the ground, but caught it and looked up at him while he started to put on his underwear. I watched with a careful gaze as rolled his underwear band up to his waist. My hand was unintentionally held out, feeling a sense of betrayal.
"Alan-"
"Don't," he interrupted again while picking up his pants and slipping them on, "Don't call me that. Just call me by my warrior name. I'd prefer it if we just forget this ever happened, or else we'll get too attached to each other and maybe break the oath again. It's better for everyone if we just forget."
I opened my mouth to say something, but closed it soon after as no words came out. I finally put down my hand and brought the blanket around to cover my chest again. I knew he was right, and absolutely hated to admit it. Every cell of my body was telling me to not give in and just go up to hug him from behind, but I knew it would be better if I didn't. It's better to not make things worse than they already were. But still, my heart was shattered at his words. I thought he loved me. He acted like he did last night. Did our intimacy not have passion and love behind? I swear it did, it felt like that anyway.
Maybe I was just hallucinating for something I only wanted to be true.
I held the blanket close to my chest and looked down at the wrinkled covers while Alder quickly got dressed. My knuckles started to hurt from holding the blanket too tightly and a burning sensation started to form in the back of my eyes. The pulse in my neck was throbbing so intensely I thought it would burst, but it was only acting up because I was holding back the cries in my throat.
I've been rejected. Not only that, but I was rejected right when I started to believe he loved me back. I think I would've felt better about the outcome if Alder just told me the truth when I confessed. I would've been more content with that resolution because I already knew he didn't love me the way I loved him and it would've been over within seconds. But now that we've kissed and touched each other and had sex, I let myself get too attached too early. That was the last thing I wanted to happen to me. He let me think he loved me. And for what? So he could lose his virginity? I played right into his hands didn't I? I let him manipulate me like I was his puppet.
Why would you do something so hurtful to someone Alder? Let alone to your best friend?
I thought you were better than this.
"I don't think we should talk anymore," I blurted out in a low voice.
Alder just finished putting on his shirt when I said that. He slowly rolled down the piece of fabric so that his abs were no longer showing. I continued to look down at the sheets. The mere sight of him would make me burst out in tears in an instant. He didn't give a verbal response, so I continued with what I was saying. "I think it'll be better if we stopped being friends," I continued while trying to mask my watery chokes, "And just go our separate ways after the battle. If we're going to keep all of this a secret for your god damn sake, then we should just not see each other. I'd rather be alone than stay with you and be reminded of your mistake."
I could tell he heard the saltiness and hurtfulness in my voice, but didn't try to comfort me or anything. Instead, he quickly slipped on his shoes and began to walk out the door. I thought he was just going to leave and not say anything else, but when he reached for the doorknob, he let out a sigh. "Right," he whispered, "I understand. So after the battle, when will we see each other again?"
I glanced up ever so slightly to meet his chocolate brown eyes. The same eyes I fell in love with. Those eyes almost made me cry my shattered heart out. "Hopefully never again," I growled, "I don't want to see you ever again, Alder."
His eyebrows upturned, but narrowed just as quickly when he opened my door quickly and slammed it with a loud bang. I'm sure the noise woke up at least someone nearby, but I couldn't worry about that now as I finally let go of the blanket I was holding to my chest. It fell to the ground with a small thump. And so, I was left alone naked in an empty bed with no one there beside me.
I glanced to my right to find my clothes only left on the floor now. With shaky limbs, I got out of bed and went to pick up my underwear, only to collapse on my knees instead. I covered my wet eyes while crying my little broken heart out in the empty room. The cries echoed off the walls, making it the only sound I could hear. I leaned forward and put my head to the floor, already regretting what I told Alder right before he walked out the door. He didn't deserve that kind of treatment, but then again, he gave me false hope from the very beginning. So should I be mad at him or at myself? I couldn't choose, and I didn't even want to for fear I may never see him the same way again.
I wiped my running nose with my forearm and let out a few shaky sighs while putting on my underwear. I should just try to forget what happened. It'll be better for me if I do. Sure, I can't forget or escape a broken heart, but I can at least distract myself for the time being. I picked up my tank top from the floor and put it on, but didn't bother putting my bike shorts back on. As I thought of what I should do, I was reminded of my hologram in the middle of the room with the picture of Jacques displayed in it as clear as day. Another set of shivers went down my spine from the look he made. But I shouldn't let him scare me, I should probably do as much research as I can before the battle.
So I rubbed my drying eyes one more time before walking over to my hologram and starting my research from where I last was.
I searched through Jacques's records, as well as Susan's to see if there was anything I missed. I couldn't find anything else, so I went through some records of people they were supposedly close with, but couldn't find anything suspicious from them either. Then it came to me. Maybe there was another place I should look. So I went on different social media platforms to find the names Jacques Zerev or Susan Galanis. I must've scrolled through several layers of tweets, photos, and descriptions until I found something.
In one particular picture was a large group of about thirty people, standing outside a large statue I knew was somewhere in Europe. The group contained almost all men, with a few woman sprinkled into the mix. Susan was no where to be seen, but Jacques was definitely in the picture as I spotted him in the back row with his hands in his pockets. This was the first time I really got to see him in color. He had pitch black hair with a natural bamboo colored skin tone and surprising dimensional dark eyes. But I wasn't really concerned about that as I saw who was standing right next to him.
My eyes went wide as I zoomed in on the picture even more so I could see the person clearer. They were right next to Jacques, with their arm around his shoulders giving a wide smile. I enhanced the photo so I could see the person in focus and sure enough, it was them.
No way.
I quickly saved the photo into my folder and frantically scrolled down to find anything similar. Then I saw another picture with Susan in it this time. She was with a group of five women who were all holding up champagne glasses and were dressed in tight fitted all stood around a leather couch, each putting up one leg to show they were each wearing large high heels. But one of the women, I did recognize as well. Not only did I recognize her, I knew her. I also quickly saved that photo and continued to scroll down the page, thinking about what I just found out.
That's how Jacques and Susan found us. That's how they located Skyclan. That's how they knew this whole organization was real. My fingers were shaking uncontrollably the more and more I thought about it. That also explained how they must've gotten our identities and our real names, considering they name dropped Bramble so casually. But how many of us do they actually know the names of? Do they know all of us? I didn't know. I truly didn't. But there was one thing I still didn't get.
If they knew we were warriors and there was a school, why did they end up going to Skyclan instead of Warrior High?
And do they possibly know where Warrior High is too?
Twig's POV
"How are you feeling Fern?" I asked while leaning beside him on the table he was sitting on.
He took a long sigh as he looked down at both of his legs, his real one and his robotic one, which was now attached. "Good I guess," he replied with a sad smile.
I put my hand on the edge of the table, looking down at his new leg. I had to admit, it looked cool. The design had black metal plates acting as the joints, muscles, and skin while it was powered by a glowing blue light hidden in the still open areas. It made a purring sound whenever Fern moved it up and down, which could get very annoying sometimes. But it was still cool nonetheless.
On Fern's other side were a few people. Holly, Spark, and Lark. They came to checkup on him too to see how he was doing. Along with them, I was also really concerned for Fern because he's a good friend and guy, and I didn't want this sort of clutch to get in the way of that. Luckily, he seemed to have not changed much. Sure, he's gotten a bit sadder than usual, but he's still that sensitive guy I'd train with for years before.
"So," he hesitated as he leaned forward to look at the doctor, "What am I going to do in the battle? I still want to help."
The only doctor left in the room was the apprentice, Fidget. The black and white haired student turned back around to Fern. He was really tall for someone his age, as well as very slender. The more I looked at him, the more I'm reminded of Jay, because he's also very tall and slender. "I'm not sure," he admitted while putting down the clipboard he was holding, "My guess is you'll probably stay in the base and if you're given permission, help guard the bunker and the injured. But again, that's just a guess."
Fern nodded as Fidget made his way over next to Lark. The five of us gathered in a mini circle surrounding Fern. Holly reached up and put her hand on top of her brother's. "Mom and dad you volunteered to go blow up the school," Fern almost whispered to her, "Why? I thought you wanted to fight head on."
Holly curled her lips and looked to the side. "I wanted to get back at those fuckers for what they did to you. I wanted to get revenge for you."
"You don't need revenge to prove you care about me, Holly." The siblings met each other's gaze. "You're my best friend and sister. I know you love and care about me, but this is a very dangerous mission. I don't want anything to happen to you."
I felt myself unintentionally smile from the heartwarming scene. Spark must've had the same emotion as me because she smiled and nudged Holly in the shoulder jokingly. "I wouldn't worry about her, Fern," she comforted, "She'll be with Half Moon for the little mission, and you know how badass she can be. I mean, have you seen her train with Berry during our collabed classes?"
The siblings laughed along with Lark and I. Fidget didn't get the reference, but smiled anyways knowing we were happy.
"Hey," someone called from the door. We all turned to see Dew poking his head into the room. "Do you mind if we join you guys ? Some of the warriors have taken up the lounge area."
We all gave a nod of approval as Dew opened the door fully to let in a few more people. He walked in first as everyone else followed him like little ducklings following their mother. Soon enough, we made a large circle with everyone in it, including the new people who just entered. The new people who walked in and joined us were Dew, Reed, Gravel, Violet, Tree, Pounce . . .
And Fin.
I suddenly felt awkward as he walked up to stand on my other side. He seemed to feel the same way as he put his hand and wrist in his pockets while avoiding my direction. We both stared ahead at everyone else, not wanting to meet each other's gaze. It's been like this between us ever since Sandy told me off and shouted to everyone about how I was a psychopath. He has always been around Fin ever since, and even when he wasn't, I swore he was still glaring at me through some wall or a secret window. It's like all his tunnel vision was trained on me and what I was doing. That's when I felt myself become scared. Is he possibly watching me now? I've never been this paranoid about something, let alone someone possibly stalking my every move.
But I also felt guilty for Fin. When we ran into each other yesterday, I was trying to get out of his conversation quickly because I knew Sandy would listen in on us and I didn't want to be talked down to again. And I ended up being correct because when I caught his eye from behind Fin, I got so scared that I just ditched Fin right then and there. I felt guilty as soon as I entered my room, and I still kind of do. Because all he wanted to do was talk to me and I never gave him the chance.
Hopefully he doesn't hate me over my choice of actions.
"Wait a minute," I suddenly pointed out, "Where are Needle and Alder?"
Lark shrugged. "Alder's been in his room all day and I think Needle has been the same. They haven't been responding to my advances or Spark's, so I think they just want to be alone for now."
My lips curled as the room fell impossibly silent.
"So," Dew started. We all looked up at him while he talked. He crossed his arms and stood his ground like a general looking at his men. "As we might all know, the battle is officially tomorrow. And I don't want to come off as negative or a glass half empty kind of guy, but this may be the last time we fully get to talk to each other until tomorrow morning. With that in mind, does anyone want to say anything?"
We all looked at each other, confused until Tree spoke up. "Man, do you mean like a secret we might be keeping?"
Dew took a moment to himself before nodding. "I feel like everyone does this before they go into a life or death situation. That's what the warriors outside are doing right now, and I thought it was a good idea. I can go first as an example if everyone want that." He raised his hand and cleared his throat. "I have dyslexia for anyone who doesn't know. And because of that, I always had trouble with reading and writing, but I've tried to get better. And," he sighed while giving a smile, "I had a celebrity crush on Kristen Stewart."
A strange silence filled the room for a few seconds before we all collectively laughed. Immediately, the mood of the room was lifted from gloomy to lighthearted. Dew even laughed along with us while putting a hand on the back of his neck most likely from embarrassment.
"But wait," Violet pointed out, "Isn't she Lesbian?"
Dew nervously chuckled. "Yeah, and when I found that out after watching Twilight, I was completely heartbroken. Or well, as heartbroken as a nine year old could get. And I have a little bit of an obsession with Twilight if I'm being honest."
"Well, if I'm being honest with you," Spark pointed out with a sneer plastered onto her face, "Those movies kind of sucked. Even if the last one came out over 25 years ago, there were far better movies back then." She looked around quickly before speaking up again. "I guess I can go next. This isn't much of a secret to anyone who goes to Warrior High because I'm pretty open about it, but since some people here don't know, I can just say it again. I'm bi. I found that out when I had celebrity crushes on both Michael B. Jordan and Awkwafina."
"I can see why," Gravel commented with a playful finger gun, "They're both super attractive."
Spark laughed and shot a finger gun back. The room was quiet for another few seconds before someone started to verbally stutter.
"Uhm," Fern struggled to say. He was clutching onto the sides of the table with so much force I thought he was going to break the edges. His visible muscles bulged as he continued to struggle with putting the right words together. Holly put a hand on her brother's back in support while the rest of us watched. "Uhm," Fern finally gulped, "I'm gay."
We all looked at him and nodded. "Okay," we all replied at once.
He looked up in surprise. "Wait, you guys are cool with it?"
"I mean, of course we are," I explained to him while patting his shoulder, "Why should we be uncool with it? And if I'm being completely honest with you, I had my suspicions when we used to fangirl over Taylor Lautner together. You could talk about him for hours while we watched the movies on repeat."
I gave an innocent smiled while Fern's cheeks became rose petal. Meanwhile, Dew bursted out laughing. "Wait, you were fans of Twilight too? No way!"
I gave an effortless laugh while Spark rolled her eyes. "Still not the greatest set of movies."
I giggled, but stopped abruptly when I realized Fin was staring at me. As soon as he and I made eye contact, he turned to the side quickly like I was Medusa and I was going to turn him into stone. I felt my cheeks flush, but turned my attention back to everyone, feeling more nervous than usual. "I can go next. Uhm," I unintentionally stuttered, "This isn't that big of a secret, but I have dyslexia as well. Part of why I prefer movies over books."
"Well in that case," Dew commented with a cheesy smirk, "We can both suffer together."
I let out a sigh and smiled. At least Dew is keeping the mood very light. Especially when we're in a situation like this. He and I exchanged a brief smile when suddenly someone spoke up in the silence. I turned to my left to see Fin getting everyone's attention. His voice had a bit of bitterness behind it. But the bitterness soon died when everyone turned to him. He suddenly got red in the face as he shrugged his shoulders forward. He muttered something under his breath, but no one heard it clearly.
"I'm sorry, but what did you say Fin?" Reed asked as politely as she could to her brother.
He cleared his throat again and straightened his arms so they were by his sides. Maybe afraid he would be too quiet again, he shouted the phrase again for everyone in the room to hear. When he was done, Fin pulled his hoodie over his head and covered his face from everyone while slowly curling in a little ball.
"I like you Twig!" he confessed.
Everyone around the circle fell completely silent as we all looked at the embarrassed Fin. I felt my cheeks go immediately red as I put both hands on my chest, feeling my racing heartbeat. All the saliva in my mouth was building up at such an exponential pace I had to take several gulps to keep up. I gulped as everyone looked at Fin, then at me. I stared down at the shrinking Fin, completely stunned. I must've stayed quiet for too long because Tree interrupted in a small voice.
"Well, this got awkward."
We all gave a mute agreement with the looks we exchanged with each other. I finally looked away from Fin, staying still. I didn't know what to say in that moment. What was I supposed to say really? I did like him, I really did, but then the thought of Sandy came up. What would he do or say to me if he found out we liked each other that way? I could only imagine it being terrible, so I kept my mouth shut. I wanted to tell Fin I liked him too, but I was afraid his father would separate us again if it came to that.
I'm sorry Fin, but I'm too scared.
"Uhm," Holly finally spoke, "I mean- I do have a secret, but very few people know it. Uhm, well, uhm, I have OCD."
"OCD?" Pounce asked, curious, "What is that?"
"Obsessive Compulsive Disorder," Fidget answered, clearly knowing what he was talking about as he was an apprentice to a doctor, "The meaning is basically in the name. It's a heritable mental illness that causes unwanted thoughts or repetitive urges. There are different categories to OCD, so it can differ between the person."
"Yeah," Holly confirmed as she held onto her opposite forearm, "I have it. I'm told I got it from my late mom's brother because he apparently had a very mild form of it. But luck I guess wasn't on my side when it came to the genetic lottery unfortunately. So yeah." She shrugged, not knowing how to end that sentence.
"Well," Violet smiled, "We still love you Holly. No matter what. Frankly, I think it's pretty brave of you to keep this to yourself for so long."
Holly gave a relieved smile. "Thanks Violet."
One by one, everyone else started sharing the secrets they possessed. Some had very mild and harmless ones, like celebrity crushes they had growing up, and others had no secrets to share, like Violet. I already knew she didn't have anything because she was a very open person in general and had nothing to hide.
"I don't have any really," Pounce giggled, "I suppose the only one I have is that I've never seen or read Twilight."
Dew shook his head jokingly with his arms crossed. "I'm so disappointed in you young lady. I can't believe you. So uncultured."
"Don't believe him Pounce," Spark combatted, "You haven't missed out on much. Take my word for it."
Everyone chuckled at the sarcastic interaction, everyone except Fin and I. We were still as silent as a mouse with cheeks as red as cherries. My heart was racing while he still tried to curl up in a little ball and hide away forever. I still couldn't get over his confession, and he made it clear that neither can he. It was the first time anyone told me they like me in a certain way. I didn't know how to react because I never been in this situation before, so of course it would make sense. But still, I'm glad it was Fin of all people. I'm really glad it was him.
"Hey so," Lark started, "I have a secret, but it's rather sad and depressing compared to a lot of the others. Are you still willing to hear it?"
We all looked at each other before giving him an united nod.
"Okay," he started, "So for backstory, I was originally born in China when the one child policy was still active and became more and more strict on families. And before I was born, I had a brother who was everything to my parents. They loved him more than they loved each other, part of why they stayed together for so long. But I came along a couple years later and basically ruined everything. My parents made it clear to me that I was a mistake and they tried to get me aborted but found no doctors willing to do the operation. However, they couldn't throw me out on the streets either because a large drought was going on in our village and my parents needed extra work on the farm. So from an early age, all I did was work. I couldn't go to school because my parents were afraid to be charged with having more than one child, so I was kept in the same house all throughout my early childhood. But when things couldn't possibly get worse, it somehow did.
"One day my brother went to school and told everyone that I existed. Of course because of that the police went to my family's farm and found me there. My parents had to pay a large fine as a result, which almost drained our entire savings. And ever since I was discovered, I was treated horribly by everyone around me. It wasn't even because I was considered a second child, it was because I had strange foreign blue eyes for someone who's Chinese. I was labeled as a curse and a devil because of them. It got so bad that random people on the street were telling me I brought a curse onto my family. Eventually, my parents gave into the social pressure and began a search for any excuse to get me out of their home. They even got as far as publishing news articles pleading for anyone to take me. That was until one day they got a call from Bramble, who saw my name in an online article. And so, I was sent away to Warrior High, became a warrior, and now I'm here."
We all stayed quiet for a while as the room felt like it became a cemetery. Even I strayed my attention from Fin to look at Lark when he was telling his story. After a long silence, one by one we all apologized on his parent's behalf, even though we didn't know they existed until now.
Lark shook it off. "It's okay," he confronted us, "It was a long time ago. I've gotten over it by now. I'm not really sure why I kept it from all of you for so long. Maybe because I was afraid you'd judge me, but that's neither here nor there."
Tree nodded. "Yeah, well, I'm not sure what everyone was talking about really. Your eyes look like they come from heaven rather than hell, man."
Lark gave him a smile, his bright blue eyes squinting by how much he was smiling.
"I guess I can go next," Tree continued, "But mine's a little sad as well, just to warn you guys. Uhm, I grew up with both of my parents in a small town in New York. They were hippies and often came home late because they were either at get togethers or parties. So growing up, I never really had any parent figures in my life they were so absent in my childhood. We eventually became homeless because we didn't have the money and often traveled to different family friends to stay for a few weeks or so. We traveled so much I didn't go to school, but I still wanted to learn, so I often went to the local libraries to read books. I did this until I was eighteen when my parents abandoned me because I was now a legal adult and I could go live on my own. So for the first few years of my adulthood, all I did was travel up north. I didn't know where I was going, nor what my goal was, but I traveled. This continued until I ran into Leaf at the local bar. I told her about my situation in a drunken fit and she offered me a job at the school. Now I'm here."
The room became quiet again, but we told him we were sorry that ever happened to him after a little bit. But like Lark, he brushed it off like it was nothing. "It's cool," Tree said in his permanently dazed voice, "I just got really lucky I guess. The chances of me running into Leaf at all was extremely slim, but I guess someone up there wanted me to have a happy resolution."
We all collectively nodded. I looked at everyone in the circle, seeing the nervousness in their faces. I guess the reality of what's going to happen tomorrow has finally set in. The mood in the room became gloomy once again as we all stood together in silence. Finally, Pounce spoke up to everyone.
"Well," she said in a timid voice, "Since tomorrow can change everything, should we share something else personal? Like our real names? I feel like that would bring us closer and make us feel like we're all in this together. And leading up to the battle, we could only call each other by our real names to give us a sense of hope. I don't know-" Her voice became a whisper.
Dew nodded at that suggestion. "We could do that if everyone's up for it. I'll go first. My real name is Drew. It makes me sound kind of douchey in my opinion, but honestly who the hell cares."
Pounce nodded, clearly happy someone was going along with this. "My real name is Penelope," she then informed us. We all nodded and gave her a supportive smile. And so one by one, we each said our real names aloud.
"Riley," Reed introduced herself as.
"Grady," Gravel spoke up.
"Violet," my sister snickered, "Not the most surprising really."
"Yeah same," Tree agreed as he smiled down next to her, "My name hasn't changed either, so you can all still call me Tree."
"Fletcher," Fidget smiled.
We all looked at who was next in line, which was Lark. "My birth name I don't go by anymore, but you can call me by my old nickname, which was Lance."
Spark grinned and nudged her friend. "Alder and I used to call you that because we could not pronounce your real name, even if our life depended on it," she laughed, "My name is Stacy, by the way."
Holly also smiled. "Like Violet and Tree, my name hasn't changed either. It's just Holly."
Fern smiled as he looked at all his new friends. He raised his hand in confidence, probably proud they all accepted him for who he was. "Fredrick," he said, "But you can call me Fred."
Next was me. So I raised my hand towards everyone. "My name is Tia," I almost whispered, still not getting over Fin's confession. I was still flustered, so it was hard to speak up.
Last to go was Fin, who hesitantly raised his head towards everyone. He cleared his throat loudly, his cheeks still flushed. "Finley."
I felt my cheeks go red from hearing his real name aloud. He had a really nice name. It was really cute. I kind of hated myself for having such a reaction by him just saying his name, but I kind of liked it at the same time. It gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling in my chest that made my stomach fill with butterflies.
Dew smiled at all of us. He crossed his arms again as he stepped forward to the middle of the circle. "I'm glad we're all here together," he announced, "And if I'm being honest with all of you, I wouldn't feel this good about our situation if you weren't all here with me. You all make me believe we can make it past this. You guys give me a reason to keep moving forward. Because after Nectar's and Fringe's death, I never thought I'd see the day where I was actually hopeful for a nice future. And if that isn't friendship, I don't know what is."
I felt myself smile from the heartfelt speech. Reed went up to her brother and put her arm around him as he did the same to her. One by one, we all stepped forward and wrapped our arms around each other. I helped Fern to his feet and walked him over to the group because he was still getting used to the robotic leg. I had my arm around him while he did the same for me. Finally, the person to close the tight circle was Fin, who put his wrist on my back as he also put his hand on his brother's. As we all wrapped ourselves in one big hug, I started to get the same feeling Dew described. A feeling of hope for the near future. Maybe we'll all pull through this. Not alone but together. We're friends to each other after all.
And friends are there for one another til the end.
Fox's POV
"Well," Tiger started while holding onto Dove tightly, "It looks like we're all together again."
Tiger, Dove, Half Moon, Jay, Lion, Cinder, Ivy, and I were standing around in a loose circle in the common area. Everyone seemed relaxed and unbothered by all of us being together again after so long, but I just couldn't seem to be. My shoulders were stiff and most of my face was covered by my hoodie, barely even showing my bright orange hair. I had my arms crossed tightly around my heart in a sort of self defense position. And I assumed Ivy felt the same way because she was in the exact same position as I was. Even though we were next to each other, we avoided the other's gaze as much as possible and just looked at the others or at the ground.
"Yeah," Cinder sighed, seeming to feel sort of nostalgic, "It appears to be."
The eight of us sat in an awkward silence. I raised my gaze enough to take a quick glance at Lion, who returned the stare and gave one I could only describe as empathetic. I quickly looked away, feeling self conscious my old friend was looking at me.
"Where's Berry?" Ivy asked suddenly, making me unintentionally jump.
"He's still at the school," Half Moon explained as briefly as possible, "Bramble was concerned Jacques knew about Warrior High as well, so he left a few people to guard it just in case something happened."
I nodded. I was wondering why it felt like we were missing someone. Sure, Berry was a bit of a jackass when he was in his teenage years, but he eventually grew up after the battle and he became really good friends with all of us. The nine of us used to get together and go to the pool every Sunday to just have fun and hang out. That's actually where I shared my first kiss with Ivy. I remember that night very well. It was new year's eve and all of us were counting down in front of a clock. Ivy and I were in the pool still playing that wrestling game she played with her sister when I kissed her as soon as the clock struck midnight. It was magical. I felt like I was on top of the world. The rest found out and made it very apparent they were proud of us by playfully nudging and giving us noogies.
I miss those simpler times.
"Well," Jay said, breaking the silence, "Should we catch up on what we all missed out on? It seems only right to do so, considering some of us were gone for over a whole decade."
Tiger nodded quickly, most likely wanting the interaction to not be as awkward. "Good idea. I'll go first. Uhm, Dove and I got married to each other and afterwards had three children, Penelope, Libby, and Shawn. Penelope became a student at Warrior High this year while Libby and Shawn are waiting to become ones themselves."
Most people in the circle nodded at the not so recent news while others like me stood completely still. I took a quick glance to my right at Ivy, who was continuing to stare at the floor, most likely lost in her own thoughts. I looked away quickly and instead looked up at Dove. Tiger had an arm wrapped around her, but even then she seemed down. Her gaze was towards Ivy, with a mix of sadness and agitation in her eyes. After a little while of staring, she turned away.
"Yeah," Lion spoke up, catching my attention, "I got married to Cinder almost 15 years ago, and we have two children. Twins Holly and Fred. They're both sixteen and became students a few years back." Lion pursed his lips and nodded slowly, not giving any other verbal answer. I stopped looking their way and lowered my head.
"Right after we graduated from becoming students at Warrior High," Half Moon explained, catching everyone's attention again, "I took a trip to my childhood city in France, and came back with a half sister I had no prior knowledge of. Her name is Noelle, and was the woman who helped us escape Skyclan safely over a week ago. She became the daughter I could never have. And she didn't just become my daughter, but she also became my friend. About five years later I got married to Jay and we've been together ever since."
I felt myself gulp as everyone seemed to have something to say about their children or someone they've raised. And then there was just Ivy and I, who didn't have either. But my knuckles flexed as I gritted my teeth together. We could've had that. We could've had all of that, but we separated before any of it could come true. And all because of that single night.
Everyone turned towards us to say something, but Ivy and I weren't budging. I think they were hoping to get some of our secrets out of us, but it wasn't going to be that easy. We wouldn't just tell something that important. So we stood in silence for a little longer. The silence lasted until Dove spoke up suddenly.
"My mother passed away," she blurted out, making everyone turn her way, "She passed away a few years ago from an unexpected heart attack. She was on her mission in Turkey when she apparently clutched her left arm and fell to the ground while everyone around her stood by, doing nothing but watch her life be drained away." Dove sniffed and wiped her eyes while looking up at her sister. "And it was heartbreaking because," she stuttered, "I thought you were dead. And I thought Mom was the only family member I had left. So when she died, I felt completely alone and isolated. I thought I was the last of our family alive, because the rest of us died elsewhere in time."
Dove turned and cried silently into Tiger's chest while the rest of us stood by, watching. I looked back at Ivy to see her eyes soften. Her shoulders sank as she looked at her sister for a moment before turning away just as quickly. I could tell she was remorseful, she just didn't know how to express it correctly. I knew her too well to know she acts like this whenever something sad or tragic comes up.
"My father passed away as well," Half Moon finally commented after a long pause of nothing but by Dove's cries, "That was the whole reason I went back to France. I went so I could attend his funeral. But I debated going back because he and I had such a complicated relationship. Though, at the end of the day, he was still my father and everything decision he made for me was out of love I was completely blinded by. So I went back to France to say one last goodbye and came back with Noelle."
It was at that moment I felt myself start to feel something other than anger. I've felt that one feeling for the past 15 years and nothing else. But my emotions started to change to that of guilt. I was guilty any of my old friends had to go through that. I know what it's like to lose someone you loved. I've been there, I just wasn't there for them when it happened.
"We all went through a lot of loss when you two were gone," Lion finally announced. Ivy and I turned towards him, feeling guilt rise in our chests. I saw his hands go into his pockets as Cinder put a supportive hand on his back. "I lost my grandmother, Sand, about half a year ago. She was in her financing department when she fell asleep to take a nap, and never woke up again. She was one of the only people in my family who I knew I could trust. Because back then I didn't know for sure who my parents were and she would call me up frequently when she was on her mission to check up on me. She was also one of my trainers, along with Bramble of course, who taught me everything I know today."
I let out a silent sigh while Dove finally stopped crying. I was also very close to Sand. Back when we were young, Lion and I would meet her early in the gym to do some extra training. Some of my fondest memories were of me training with the two of them in the early morning when no one else was awake. I thought she was the coolest person and warrior by far, because she was tough, critical, and stupidly brave. When I heard about her death several months back, I felt a part of me become numb from her loss. Sure, I haven't seen her in so long, but she was still a person I held close as well as someone I looked up to, as not only a trainer, but as a hero.
"About 17 years ago," Cinder finally said, her voice more timid than usual, "I was on a mission in Israel with Lion and my parents when we were ambushed by bombers in our neighborhood home and were forced to retreat. But Lion and I got separated from my parents and spent a few days hiding while we were hearing nothing from them to confirm they were okay. When we knew it was safe to return, we found our entire neighborhood was destroyed and in the middle of the street we found my dad dead on the ground."
Cinder's eyes became watery as she held her hand up to her eyes. Lion put a hand on her back to try and comfort her. Her limbs were shaking as she sniffed the snot back into her nose.
"After my dad's death, my mom was so devastated from the loss she quit becoming a warrior entirely and moved to a remote part of Colorado instead. She almost never picked up the phone when I called and never checked her messages from me even though I tried several times to reach her. The only time I ever talked to her was over the phone a month after Israel." Tears were now running down her face uncontrollably as her words became erratic and mumbled. She let out a shaky sigh before continuing. "She told me she just couldn't take it anymore with the constant sadness and guilt and just wanted to be with my dad again. I tried to convince her that I was still here and that I still needed her, but she didn't listen to me and hung up. A couple of days later I found out from her caretaker she passed away from a broken heart."
Cinder wiped her eyes a second time, but it unfortunately had no effect on the amount of tears she was shedding. "And this all happened right before I found out I was pregnant. So I was in so much denial I felt like I wasn't capable of having a healthy delivery. I almost considered terminating the pregnancy because I was going through so much loss I didn't want it to affect my children. I was the only one in my immediate family still alive. My brother passed away about 25 years ago and both of my parents died within a month of each other, so like how Dove described, I felt completely alone. I almost gave up, but I knew I shouldn't for the sake of my kids, and I couldn't be more glad I made that decision."
I avoided Cinder's gaze while she cried and instead looked down at my feet. I couldn't help but get a little bit choked up. About 22 years ago, Cinder told me she used to have a brother, but didn't say anything else. She told me that a few days after I fully met her, and yet she trusted me with that personal information like I've known her for years. Afterwards, she gave me a smile and talked about potential foods that were available that day. I remembered being surprised she was so optimistic despite going through the loss of her brother. And now that I know both of her parents are gone, I couldn't help but almost cry at the thought. Cinder was a person too good for this world, she should've never gone through any of that.
No one should.
But look at where we are now. Jacques is doing all of this to us because of the death of his father. And from what I learned in the meeting, Mr. Zerev was the only family he had left, like what Dove and Cinder felt when they lost their loved ones. But they learned to accept the reality of the loss while Jacques never has and probably never will. All of my old friends went through a lot of loss in their lives, not just Dove and Cinder. Jay also lost Sand as well as his sister Holly, Ivy lost both her parents, I lost both of mine when I was really young, Half Moon lost her father and I'm assuming her mother as well, and Tiger lost his father when he was only a teenager.
Jacques should learn a thing or two from all of us.
I felt myself start to cave in to the truth. My secret was on the tip of my tongue, begging to be heard loud and clear. Everyone said something, I should do the same. I looked at Ivy, who was looking down at the ground. I shouldn't tell our secret, that should be up to her. But I have one she doesn't even know, and it has caused me immense struggle and time I can never take back. Finally, I got the courage to clear my throat and speak.
"I was a drug addict."
All my old friends looked up at me, their eyes widening. Ivy jolted her head up to me with a look of surprise and concern on her face. Everyone looked at Ivy for an explanation, but didn't get one because she was just as shocked as them. Finally, I raised my head up to all my old friends with bags under my eyes. I cleared my throat once more to explain myself.
"When I was thirty, I was on a mission in Australia when my appendix exploded and because of that I was taken to the hospital. I was given morphine to ease the pain and after the surgery, I couldn't get over how it made me feel. Morphine made me feel numb, which is what I've been craving to feel ever since Ivy and I split up. I was at one of the lowest points in my life and was so desperate for any release I would risk my own health just to feel nothing. So I went on a search to find that same high and numbness I wanted and ended up finding it in Codeine, a similar drug to morphine that I could easily get over the counter. It came in the form of a syrup most of the time, but I managed to find pills of it elsewhere. And before I knew it, I got addicted.
"It started with two to three pills, but then escalated to about six pills at once. But no matter how many I took at once, I could never get the same high I did the first time. Then the government passed a law saying you need a prescription to have access to types of drugs like Codeine and Morphine, so I soon found myself stuck. I knew I was getting close to that high, but I didn't have enough drugs to reach it just yet. But with the new law, I could never get that same feeling of blissful numbness, so I resorted to stealing. I knew it was wrong, but the need to feel nothing overtook my moral compass. And so one night, I broke into a convenience store and took a bottle of pills. I didn't want to take too many bottles because I knew that would come off as suspicious, so I only took one. And as soon as I got back to my apartment, I took the whole bottle in one go.
"I don't remember much of that night, but I remember feeling like I was drowning even though I was still in my apartment. The next thing I knew, I collapsed on my floor and woke up in a hospital bed the next day. The doctor told me I overdosed on Codeine and nearly died, but my neighbor heard a loud thump from my room and called 911. I spent the next few days in the hospital to recover, but left the country before I could go to a group therapy or be charged with stealing. Even with the overdose, I still had that craving, so I turned to cigarettes as an alternative and it's helped me forget about my need for Codeine ever since. It's part of why I smoke, but it also distracts me from a lot of the things I went through." I gulped. "That's it."
Everyone stood completely still with stunned expressions glued on their faces. I uncrossed my arms and put them in my sweatshirt's pockets, feeling a bit of regret for even telling my story. I suddenly became aware of the half empty cigarette pack in the pocket. Ever since the escape, I've been trying my best to ration the last of the cigarettes I have. So I've been only smoking a few a day, and it's only come to my attention then and there that I haven't had one yet today, and it was getting close to dusk.
"Fox," Jay finally said, "Before I say anything else, I just want to put out there how sorry I am for your situation. No one should go through something like that, especially someone like you. Because at the end of the day you're still our friend and we all care about what has happened to you. But I do want to point out this one thing, coming from the perspective of a doctor. You're extremely lucky to be alive. And I'm not trying to overemphasize it in any way, you being alive right now is beyond luck. Some people have an overdose and die when they take half of what you ingested that night. There must've been some sort of unearthly being looking over you because the fact you kept this a secret for this long means it wasn't a big effect on you as a person. You're really strong for overcoming something like that Fox. I'm not saying this because I'm trying to give you any sympathy, I'm saying it from a logistical perspective and from a friend."
I almost smiled, but instead curled my lips and looked down at the ground again. Everyone else stayed completely silent and continued to stare at me. Some of them started to tear up from my story as I almost did, but I held down the clogged up cries in my throat and looked away. Everyone was quiet, too quiet, until someone started to give whimpers.
I looked to my right to see Ivy crying. Despite that she wasn't putting her hands up to cover any of it, she stood completely still as everyone turned to her instead. Tears rolled down her cheek as she turned to me. I knew that look in her eyes. She wanted to tell them the big secret we've been hiding from them. I gave a very quick nod and turned away just as fast. I didn't want to look at her when she told them. Ivy gulped down the built of saliva and opened her mouth.
"I was pregnant."
She continued to cry while I looked away. "It was 15 years ago I found out I was pregnant, but I had it aborted not long after." She covered her mouth with her hand for a moment before continuing. "I knew from the moment I found out I was not in the best place to raise a child. So I had it aborted. And I regret it to this day." Her voice cracked as she looked at Cinder. "I wasn't like you Cinder. I wasn't strong enough like you were."
Before anyone could say anything, Ivy ran away from the group and up the set of stairs to her room. She covered her mouth on the way there and slammed her door shut, the sound echoing throughout the bunker. A few people called out to her, but she either couldn't hear or was in such a rush she didn't bother to listen to them.
Tiger turned to me. "Is this why you two split up?"
I slowly looked up at him with tired eyes and nodded. When it was hopeless to return Ivy to the group, everyone turned towards me. "I found out on my own," I explained, "I found a positive pregnancy test in the bathroom and confronted Ivy later that day about it, but she told me it was already too late. It caused a huge argument between us and ended with us going our separate ways." I let out a frustrated sigh. "But after all these years later, she still won't tell me why. So I just assumed she did it as a sort of escape from integrity and morality."
"No," someone spoke up. We all turned our heads towards Half Moon.
"An abortion is not that simple. It never is for anyone really. I should know," she sighed, "Because I had one myself."
I was completely shocked. Lion looked to his brother for an explanation. "Jay-"
Jay shook his head. "It wasn't mine."
I felt myself become more confused than ever. I thought Half Moon loved Jay. Am I wrong? Dove, who was previously facing the direction Ivy disappeared, turned around and grasped onto her friend's shoulders. "Half Moon, what do you mean?" she practically demanded, "What happened?"
Dove let go of her as Half Moon took a deep breath in before telling her story. "It was before I came to Warrior High," she explained, "Before I met any of you. I was on a touring trip when I was raped by my dance partner. I was only 16 when it happened, and knew I couldn't support it, nor did I want the child in the first place, so I traveled to Germany to have an abortion. That's part of why I was so shy when I first came to Warrior High. I was afraid to be betrayed like I was in the past. I was afraid to be hurt again." Half Moon looked straight at me with serious eyes. "I'm not telling this story to get pointless pity points, I'm telling it to prove a point. Fox, I need you to understand something very important. It's bad enough that women who have abortions are viewed in a negative light, nevertheless are labeled an immature and childish when you can see as clear as day that that's almost never the case. There is almost never one reason a woman has an abortion. Usually it's a combination of a lot of thoughts and problems. And when those problems become too much for them to bare, they feel like they have no other choice. I had a lot of problems I just shared publicly to you, and I'm sure Ivy has some of her own."
"You just don't know what they are yet."
"You just don't know what they are yet."
Half Moon's words rang in my ears as I knocked on Ivy's door, flinching from the own sound of my fist hitting up against the stale wood. A few seconds later, Ivy answered the door. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying, but became wide from seeing me at the door. "Can I come in?" I asked.
Ivy hesitated. "I don't know. Are you going to yell at me again?"
I shook my head. "No. I'm just here to ask questions."
Soon enough, we were both sitting side by side on the edge of her bed. The first few moments we sat together were awkward. It was awkward because the last time we interacted with each other alone, we had a full blown argument and I threw the old engagement ring at her. I wanted to avoid her at all costs ever since, but I knew I couldn't. I couldn't run away from our past or our mistakes, and it was only a matter of time that I would come running back for answers that should've been revealed years ago. In that moment, I realized I was the one who was being childish and immature by not letting her speak from her perspective.
God damn it. It took me 15 years to realize that single thought. God damn it.
"So," I started in a low voice, "Why did you have the abortion?"
Ivy shook her head as she continued to look at the floor. "I just wasn't in the right place, nor did I believe I could deliver a healthy baby. I was suffering from sleep paralysis almost every night and I was just too hung up on the past and all the mistakes I made in it to focus on myself in the present. I simply wasn't ready, and with the state the world was in, I knew my baby deserved better than to be brought into a world as divided and as broken as this." Her shoulder shrank forward as she looked down at her hands. "And I was hoping you would be supportive of my decision so that maybe a few years later, we might be able to have actual kids of our own, when the world was coming together and I was doing better mentally. But since we split off and now that I'm a 40 year old woman, it can simply never be."
I looked away from her. "But why didn't you tell me?" I asked her, "Because it was mine, right?"
"Yes it was yours," Ivy confirmed, "And like I told you before, I was scared for your opinion. I was scared you wouldn't let me make such a decision. But I was also scared for your well being. I was scared because I didn't want to involve you in my mess. I didn't want to bring you down with me."
"I would have supported your decision if you told me the truth earlier, when you were still pregnant. If you weren't ready to have a baby, than neither was I. I loved you after all Ivy."
She stayed silent and sneakily glanced my way. "Do you still love me now though?" she asked in a saddened tone.
I met her gaze as my shoulders finally relaxed. My eyebrows upturned as I finally noticed what has changed in her. Her blue eyes have stiffened and become wiser as there were now specks of gray in them. Across her face were several scars as well as on her body because she was wearing a gray tank top. It really has been 15 years, hasn't it? Before, I saw her as the same woman I had last seen 15 years ago from our fight, but now, all I see is her in the present. I was so focused on seeing her as the same woman so long ago I didn't take into consideration how much time has passed. How much time we both wasted apart from one another.
"Yes," I finally answered, "I do still love you. Do you still love me?"
Ivy nodded her head slowly. "I do. I do still love you Fox."
I nodded with her, putting my hands into my pockets. "Did you," I gulped, "Ever find another partner?"
She shook her head. "No," she sighed, "I didn't expect to find anyone in Sinaloa, and I ended up being right. I had a few hookups every once in a while, but I didn't have the same connection with any of them like I did with you." Ivy took a long sigh and rubbed her hands together. "What about you? Did you ever find anyone?"
I shook my head. "No. Like you said before, I didn't have a connection with anyone like I had with you. My hookups were never the greatest. I would only have them really to release stress, and even then, I still felt the same as I did agreeing to it." I gulped down a lot of my emotion, feeling guilty that I even had sex with other people besides Ivy and feeling jealous that Ivy had sex with other people besides me. It shouldn't have come to that for either of us. "Do you know where I came from?" I suddenly asked.
"Not really no. All I know is that you were at an orphanage before you came to Warrior High."
"Yeah well, I did have parents for the beginning of my life," I explained, "But they weren't the best. They were drug addicts, addicted to meth, and often had to make deals with sketchy people in order to get so called meth. So I never had a family growing up, nor did I have a clean upbringing. All I had in my life were too absent parents and a fucked up house that often brought home others, like drug dealers and prostitutes. Then one day I came home from school to find police at my house, who told me my parents died from taking too much meth. And so, I was taken to the orphanage and then eventually to Warrior High.
"But long before, I made a promise to myself that if I end up having children in the future, to never become what my parents once were. That I would not only spoil them with love and attention, but to do the same for my partner." I paused a moment, thinking over my next words and making sure Ivy was still paying attention. "That's why I was so mad at you when you told me the truth. I felt like there was something wrong with me that caused your decision and because of that I took my anger out on you. I broke the promise I made to myself, and that's why I left you injured at our house. I was scared I might do something worse to you. That I would become my parents and hurt you in some way. But like you said before, we're getting older and unable to have kids, and because of my outburst I took that away from us."
Ivy sighed and stopped slouching forward, putting her hand face down in between us. "You would've been an amazing father," she choked, "I remember on our mission in Las Vegas, you were so kind and friendly to Tia and Violet when we made our way back to the hotel after stopping Toby. You let them play with your motorcycle while giving them funny faces and making them laugh. And I remember thinking in the back of my head how you would've been the perfect father to our future kids."
I gulped, still continuing to look forward. "And you an amazing mother," I said back. Finally, after so long, I felt my defenses go down as I looked directly at her. "Ivy, I'm so sorry for everything that had happened that night. I should've accepted your decision in a better way and I should've never left you alone. There is no excuse for what I've caused in our relationship and there is no excuse for the time we spent apart from each other. I'm so sorry for everything Ivy, and I don't expect you to accept my apology. I wouldn't either if I was in your position."
Ivy looked at me, completely stunned. Her adam's apple bobbed in her throat as she let out a breath. "No no, this isn't just your fault as a whole, this was my fault also. I should've told you the truth when I found out and I shouldn't have been afraid of what the outcome might've been. I'm sorry for leaving you in the dark." She took another gulp and looked at me, her eyes finally looking relaxed again. "And I accept your apology. All of that was in the past after all and I need to learn to move on from it."
I let out a sigh, not expecting her to be so generous with everything I have caused. "And I accept your apology as well." With that, Ivy smiled and faced ahead at the opposite wall. I looked down at her placed hand and slowly but surely, placed mine on top of her's. She looked down in surprise to see me clutching onto her hand for dear life, as if we would be separated for another 15 years if I let go. "Do you," I stuttered, "Want to start over?"
Ivy looked at me like no one else ever has. I felt my cheeks go red from the mere sight of her. "Yeah," she smiled, speaking through her grin, "I would like that."
For the first time in years, I felt myself let out a forceless, genuine smile. I couldn't have been more happier in that moment. I felt as if the final piece of me was set into place like a puzzle and it was her. Ivy was my final piece. She always was. And above all else, I felt good, I felt like me again. For the longest time I tried to chase something that wouldn't make me feel anything so it could erase the pain, but in reality, I should've been chasing for something or someone that would make me actually feel nice so I could forget the pain instead. I felt like I was on cloud nine or like I was in heaven.
I finally felt free.
I started to let out unintentional breathy laughs while my shoulders and chest heaved up and down. I was so excited I quickly leaned forward and pushed my lips against hers. The sensation of euphoria came back to me as I felt her soft lips against mine. Ivy closed her eyes and put a hand on my cheek, missing the feeling as much as I have. After a little bit, we let go and looked at each other.
"No offense," she commented with a light laugh, "But your breath smells like tobacco."
"Right," I realized, still giving a wide grin. I jumped to my feet and ran to the bathroom. "I'll be right back. Do you mind if I use your toothbrush?"
She gave a straight yes as I dashed into the bathroom and fumbled for her toothbrush. Not wanting to waste time I should be spending with her, I squeezed out the toothpaste, wetted the brush, and cleaned my teeth as quick and as efficient as possible. I must've been going so fast smoke was coming out of my teeth from the friction it was making. I spat out the toothpaste and began to clean up when I noticed I still had the half empty pack of cigarettes in my pocket.
I looked down at it for a moment before throwing it away in the trashcan. I didn't need those anymore. I put the toothbrush back and headed back out to Ivy.
I already found my high, I thought to myself with a satisfied grin plastered on my face.
SAMHSA National Hotline for those struggling with drug abuse - 1-800-662-4357
Disaster Distress Hotline for those struggling with the loss of a loved one - 1-800-985-5990
National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline - 800-656-4673
NAMI helpline for those who are struggling with a mental illness - 1-800-950-6264
If I made any mistakes or left out an important hotline, please just review to let me know and I will change the mistake. Have a nice day everyone.