XII. By Design

Driven by a strange combination of shame and elation, Nina opted out of joining Kim and her family that Friday evening. Emily returned to the kitchen shortly after Jared disclosed that he was a brown wolf, promising even to show her one day.

While a side of her was still writhing with discomfort and disbelief, Nina couldn't force herself to feel any sense of fear- it was Jared, someone who she had grown to trust with, coincidentally, her very life. She instead relished in all of the pieces coming together finally: his and Paul's unbelievable transitions since the beginning of the school year, the temperature at which they ran, the absences from school. It was as those questions were being answered that one stood out, a lightbulb flickering alive in her mind.

"Oh my God!" Her mouth dropped open, a hand flying out to swat at Jared's arm.

They were both sitting at the counter as Emily prepared dinner, their stools facing one another as Jared answered one question after another. He had a large hand resting on Nina's kneecap, his fingers occasionally toying with the fray of a rip in her jeans or squeezing at her with laughter or excitement.

"What?" He asked, eyebrows coming together.

"That's how you knew everything!" She squealed, her eyes twinkling in triumph. While she may have preferred if the supernatural hadn't infiltrated her life, she still took pride in figuring it out.

Jared bit his bottom lip, the edges of his mouth reaching upwards with smug amusement, his nose crinkled.

"Wolf hearing, baby, it's a gift and a curse," Paul barrelled into the house, his chin held high and a playful glow emitting from him. Nina smiled at him, welcoming the sense of belonging as she was suddenly "in" on the secret surrounding the boys.

Sam followed close behind, closing the door with a whistle and a shake of his messy hair. He was moving to Emily in an instant, pulling the hot pan from her mitted hands and shoving it back onto the stovetop as he kissed her face.

Nina found herself watching them more closely than she ever had before, her eyes flickering to Jared as he squeezed at her knee.

"So they're…" she bit at her lip for a moment, "like us?" She spoke rather shyly, a flush creeping in at the edge of her face.

"Emily is my imprint, just like you're Jared's," Sam answered the question, nodding with a smile she had yet to see in its truest form. She nodded a response, and her eyes moved to Paul, hovering around the food already placed at the table.

"Does-"

"No, I don't have an imprint, Nina," he cut her off before any more words had passed by her lips, and she sucked them in at his response, attempting to conceal the smile as Jared chuckled.

"I, fortunately, am not eternally tied to another human by force of some freaky act of fate," he popped a whole roll into his mouth, laughing loudly as Emily scolded him.

"As far as we know, imprinting is relatively rare," Sam began, tilting his head from side to side as he continued, "but… we don't really know much about anything just yet."

"Like what that leech keeps coming back for," Paul grumbled, sneering as he plopped into a seat at the table.

"Or when Jacob Black is gonna join the ranks," Jared added, his face showing a sort of excitement.

Nina raised an eyebrow, "Jacob Black?"

"Crazy, right?" Jared laughed, shaking his head.

"He'll be the chief one day," Sam spoke with confidence, helping Emily as she brought food to the table, "his great grandfather was the chief, I'll train him until he's ready to take over."

Nina and Jared joined them at the table, and conversation over dinner was more comfortable than Nina had ever experienced before, the talk of wolves and vampires flowing as casually as the weather. Nina found herself staring in silence as she absorbed all the information she could, doing her best to grasp that it was real-life and she was permanently tied into it.

When that thought would come back to the forefront, she'd feel her heartbeat quicken, the idea of somehow being soulmates with Jared seeming far more bizarre than the existence of wolves. She found herself staring at his profile in admiration on occasion, taking in every last detail, finding it even more hard to believe that he was real. All the years of Kim's obsession were making more and more sense.

And then her thoughts would travel to Kim, and her chest would pinch ever-so-slightly at the sense of impending doom, the knowledge that something very, very bad was bound to happen. She was still clueless as to the most tactful way of going about such a bomb to drop on her best friend- it seemed as though there was no good way.

Oh, Kim, you know the guy you've had a crush on since we were ten? Well, he can turn into a wolf, and I'm his soulmate. Could we have your blessing?

She snorted slightly as the thought danced through her mind, shaking her head slightly at the pure insanity of it all. Did girl code still apply when the supernatural was involved? Or were all bets off the table the moment that teenage boys began transforming into horse-sized wolves that chased vampires through the woods just feet from Emily Young's front door?

Perhaps the worst part of it all was that Nina knew Kim would never be able to fully understand. She would never know about the wolves and imprinting; therefore, she would never understand that Nina didn't really have a choice in the matter… she did, Jared assured her, but it wasn't the easy option. And the selfish part of Nina knew she didn't want to choose against being with Jared.

She remained answerless.

When dinner was done and Jared had left for patrol, as he called it, Nina found herself sitting quietly across the counter from Emily as she did dishes, Paul lounging on the couch, flicking through television channels.

"What do you think I should do about Kim?" Nina finally asked, her chin propped in the cup of her hands, eyebrows creased.

Emily let a plate plop back into the water, drying her hands off as she met Nina's glance.

"Be honest about what you can- that you have feelings for Jared and he has them in return for you."

Nina shook her head, "You don't get it," she began, breaking their eye-contact and running a hand through her hair, "it's not that simple. Kim's had a crush on Jared since we were kids! This is, like, the ultimate betrayal."

From his seat across the room, Paul released a cackle.

Emily's eyes flickered towards him aggressively, half of her face straining. Nina raised an eyebrow. It took Emily a moment before she released the glare in Paul's direction, sighing and forcing a more pleasant expression onto her face.

"I- hm," Emily pursed her lips, her eyes traveling somewhere far away for a moment, "I know a lot about the 'ultimate betrayal,' actually."

When Nina's eyebrows furrowed deeper, she continued.

"Sam was dating my cousin when he imprinted on me."

Nina's lips parted with surprise before she could even stop them, her eyebrows raising.

"And…" Emily made a face, fishing the forgotten plate back out of the sink, "she still hasn't spoken to me."

Air squeezed out of Nina's lungs slightly as she thought about Kim never speaking to her again. Paul had grown quiet on the couch, and she took Emily's focus on the dishes as an opportunity to gather her thoughts once more. She ached to feel a sense of normalcy, of her life before Jared and the pack had came crashing through it just as Paul and the vampire had that day. She imagined what she may be doing in that instance had things been different- she and Kim would never have to face an impending catastrophic event in their friendship, and she'd run away from La Push the moment she graduated, just as she had planned. But the idea of Jared and Paul never crashing into her life suddenly seemed just as painful as the thought of losing Kim- would there ever be a situation where she could have both?

Paul walked her home as night crept in, merely being near him enough to ignore the harsh winter air.

"Freaked out yet?"

She could hear the smirk in his voice as he spoke, opting to keep her eyes on her shoes as they walked. She snorted a chuckle, shutting her eyes for a moment before she shook her head.

"I wish I was more freaked out. I wish I didn't believe any of it."

"Try getting pissed off and flipping into a giant wolf for the first time," Paul chuckled darkly.

"That's probably what Kim will do when I tell her about Jared and I…" Nina muttered, biting at her bottom lip.

"Are you still going on about that?"

Nina stopped walking, raising an eyebrow as she looked up at him harshly.

"Going on about potentially losing my best friend in the world over something I didn't have a choice in?"

"Oh, get over that 'no choice' bullshit," Paul had stopped walking as well, staring down at her with arrogance, "no one wants to hear it, you guys probably would've ended up together anyway."

Nina swallowed, her teeth working the back of her lips. "Maybe you've never had someone in your life worth caring about, but Kim's the best friend anyone could have."

"That's why you repaid her by hanging out with the guy she liked, right?"

A corner of his thin mouth quirked upwards, his eyes dark with challenge. He knew he struck a nerve. Nina remained silent, albeit the deep inhale she took.

"You're an ass," she finally spoke, her voice quiet and strangely calm, her facing holding its composure.

"I'm gonna be an awesome best friend for you once Kim is gone," he smirked.

With only a glare in his direction, Nina resumed her walk home. She ignored the rage she felt as he cackled from behind her, following behind for the remainder of the walk to her house. She spared no further attention for Paul as she approached her front steps, still seething in her own thoughts. She was nearly to her door when he finally spoke again, calling out across the yard to her.

"Nina!"

She turned slowly.

"All I'm saying is…" he paused, dramatically rolling his eyes, "we all make choices, and sometimes they're the wrong ones, but you've gotta own the wrong ones anyway," he shrugged.

All she could do was stare at him, some of her anger dribbling away as his words settled in. Without another word, he turned back around and began back to Emily's house.

"I think I'm gonna take today just to myself," she told Kim over the phone, her eyes flickering nervously about her room, "I'll probably just go take some pictures or something."

"Are you sure, Nina? I'd still love to head to Seattle if you wanted to get away for the day," Kim offered. The generosity in her tone brought a sigh past Nina's lips, but she declined her offer anyway.

"Yeah, I'm sure," Nina pursed her lips to the side as she spoke, "I'm good."

It was the anniversary of her father's death, and though Kim had insisted they spend the day together, Nina could think of nothing worse to do on such a day.

While she got dressed, carefully layering her clothing, she wondered what her father would've thought about Jared, even what her mother would've thought of him pre-zombie. She assumed they would've liked him, though she was quite biased. When she thought she was dressed warmly enough to compensate for the lack of wolf-warmth, she began her trek to the beaches, somewhat savoring the time to be alone and forget all that was to come the following week.

A thin layer of snow spread across the parking lot and the beach itself, though the waves still crashed along the shore and the familiar cliffs to her right. Her eyes found James Island, warming with affection at its snow covered rocks. She raised her camera quickly before beginning towards the treeline.

As she worked her way towards the cliffs above, she giggled at the thought of the bonfire she had attended with Jared nearby- something she had attended with painful oblivion.

Her mind buzzed quietly as she wandered along where the path upwards would typically lay, its entirety covered with more snow than what was on the beach. She thought of wanting to see a new movie- Zathura: A Space Adventure- in the coming weeks, perhaps she'd begin the hunt for a car and then schedule her road test. She groaned rather dramatically as she remembered a physics test that coming Tuesday- she'd have to scan her notes briefly prior to that morning. It was nice to allow herself to think of the less complicated things in her life- the regular teenage girl things to think about.

She reached the highest cliffs by the afternoon, ignoring the way her toes were beginning to lose feeling as she approached the edge. The waves crashed violently below and the air around her bit at her exposed face, but she grinned, nonetheless, at the view beyond her. The Olympic peninsula was the most glorious thing she had seen up until the prior weeks, and it was just the beginning of her planned explorations. She inhaled deeply as she raised her camera once more.

It was her father who she had once shared her love of adventure with; the one who had explored Vancouver by her side during their time there, hiking nearly every day and taking photos that Nina dreamed of one day replicating in beauty. She imagined his blue eyes, identical to her own, peering out at the horizon before her.

At some point, she had dropped her camera back to her side, allowing her eyes to go blurry amongst the clouds. She sniffed slightly, wiping a sleeve across her face and blinking herself back into focus. Her vision was bleary and her throat felt miraculously dry, her heart beating faster than normal. She took another step towards the edge in pursuit of capturing the waves below, her eyes flickering to the snowy earth beneath her boots, suddenly considering the reliability of that particular spot.

They had been confident in the ground beneath them on the day he died, too.

They had left before dawn, backpacks filled with snacks and cameras as they prepared to take on The Lions- twin peaks in North Vancouver. It had been five-hours from Cypress to the West Lion summit, and it was oddly clear by comparison to most days in late November- they were euphoric.

Nina had forgotten the small details of the how, but she doubted there would ever come a day that she'd forget the when. Her father, Blake Nash, was an experienced hiker and photographer, so there was no reason for her 13-year old self to doubt his ability to wander off the trailer and lean over the ledge for a certain shot. But she had stood there and watched as the ground beneath his steady feet crackled and gave way. And then he was gone. And then she had run for the entire three-hours it took to come down to Lions bay, tripping and tumbling down through the brush as she did so, screaming and crying and bleeding.

"Nina!"

She sucked in a sharp breath, her face stinging with freezing streams coming down her cheeks, her breathing erratic as she spun, her heart swelling as he came into her blurry sight.

"Nina," Jared's voice was softer that time, but he spared no time rushing towards her.

His body met hers with a blanket of heat, and she wordlessly buried her damp face against the warmth of his abdomen, her breathing still beyond what she was comfortable with.

"What're you doing up here?" He mumbled against her hat, his lips puckering along the edge of it until they made contact with the edge of an eyebrow.

"I was just," she breathed, gulping in air and his scent as she did so, "I was just taking pictures."

"Jesus Christ, Nina, there's a bloodsucker running loose around here…" he mumbled. She felt him shake his head as he began to pull them backwards from the cliff, one hand at the base of her neck and the other firmly pressed against the small of her back. A vibration ran through him as they moved, and Nina struggled to gather her thoughts despite the clarity that came in his touch.

They were beneath the cover of trees when he finally loosened his grasp on her, leaning back only enough to meet her eyes and raise an eyebrow.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes," she nodded without hesitation, standing up straight and moving to tuck her camera back in its bag. Jared was silent as she did so, but she found his eyes still on her once she looked back up.

"Are you okay?" He repeated.

"Yes," she nodded again, blinking a few times and swallowing down whatever was left from the cliff.

He stared at her for another moment, eyes narrowing in thought.

"Why was Kim planning on you two getting away for the day today?"

Nina's eyes narrowed back at him.

"Were you spying on me?"

His cheeks flushed uncharacteristically and he bit at the inside of his cheek, a grin snaking its way onto his face after a moment.

"I was just checking in," he chuckled, squeezing at her elbow. Nina sighed, wiping again quickly at her face.

"What's today?"

She stared up at him for a moment, pursing her lips outward as she thought.

"It's just the anniversary of my dad's death, Kim thought we should get out of town for the day, but I…" she sighed and shook her head, breaking their eye-contact, "I don't know if I'm ready to face her yet," she admitted quietly, growing more aware of the scratchy ball in her throat.

Jared nodded slowly, his lips becoming a thin line. His hand on her arm squeezed once more before he spoke, meeting her eyes.

"Let's get you back to Emily's," he began to walk, releasing her only enough to trail a hand down to grasp hers, leaving no room for discussion. She allowed him to tug her along, a thin film still between her eyes and the world around her. "And please… no more wandering through the woods alone."

It wasn't until Monday morning that Nina found herself in a position to come somewhat clean to Kim about her and Jared's… feelings. She had been up nearly the entire night before, worst-case scenarios racing through her mind. By the time Kim pulled up to her house that morning, she was nearly vomiting at the very thought of what was to come.

"Hey, you," Kim smiled at her as she hastily slipped into the passenger seat, flashing a grin but unable to meet her eyes.

"Hey…" she murmured, jamming her bag between her kneecaps.

"How was your week-"

"I have to tell you something."

The words tumbled clumsily from her lips, shaky despite her greater efforts. She swallowed hard, eyes fixated on the road in front of them. Kim's eyebrows furrowed for a moment before she nodded, her face pleasant as always.

Nina's stare remained on the pavement as she began to speak.

Hi everyone! I love Paul and writing him, I loved writing this, and I'm so excited to share next chapter with you all!