Chapter 16: The Walking Dead

As soon as Lagoon Company returned from Hong Kong, they decided to lay low for a while and keep themselves out of trouble. They were not particularly concerned about being discovered or drawing unwanted attention now that were back home, but after what had been an admittedly stressful trip Dutch had given them all some well-needed shore leave. The Lagoon was pulled up just outside the boathouse of their communal apartment, floating on the water not too far from the shore itself. Rock had neglected to make a trip to the Yellowflag or return to his own personal apartment like Dutch. Instead, he sat on the prow of the boat and watched the city for what felt like hours. Benny was above in the apartment's common area, on the phone to Janet Bhai, who Rock assumed had taken on a bit of a romantic role in the American tech wizard's life.

Revy, who would normally jump at the chance to sit back with a glass of Bacardi, had also passed on the idea of drinking tonight. Her reasons why were unclear. Her and Rock hadn't had a proper conversation since the other night when she broke his nose. Up until this point, they had only said a few words to one another and there was an apparent tension in the air when they saw one another. Now, Rock was not so worried about what he would say to her to break the ice or how he would manage bumping into her. Instead, he was focused on the lights of Roanapur. The job in Hong Kong had been educational, in many ways. Not only had Rock discovered the power of emotional distance, he had also come to master the apathy that seemed to be a staple of his personality these days. He remembered the Chinese girl, Usagi. He remembered when she had come to this city to flee the wrath of her father and his boss, Hunter Woods. That seemed like a long time ago, now.

It doesn't make sense. When he left Roanapur, he didn't want anything to do with this life anymore.

I'm surprised you still care, Rock.

Rock was surprised, too. The initial unexpectedness and gravity of the situation had thrown him for a loop and curiosity more than concern or empathy had gotten the better of him. But now that he had had time to dwell on the situation, he could safely forget about it all and let the consequences of Rahul's actions play out. If that meant that his daughter would pay the price, so be it. Rock would not interfere. He had done just that so many times in the past only to end up hurt or putting his friends in danger. He had learned his lesson the hardest way possible and he was done making mistakes. His emotional distance was brandished like a knife and it was his greatest weapon against the darkness of this world. Nothing could hurt him if he let nothing in. The others had noticed Rock's personality changing recently and while none of them bar Revy had brought him up on it, he knew it was becoming a concern. That was something else that did not particularly bother him. He would do his job like he always had, minus the interference and needless, troublesome speeches about morality. Rock thought they would be pleased by that. Many a time he had put them in danger or jeopardised the mission because he took issue with their methods or the methods of their clients. But that was all behind him, now. He was an obedient yes man and that could only benefit Lagoon Company. Then why was Revy so unhappy with it all?

Rock produced a cigarette and lit it, shoving it into his mouth and inhaling deeply. The smoke would kill him one day if he kept it up at this rate, but it felt like a cleanser every time he breathed in. It billowed into his lungs and left its mark on him like a sickly corruption, but it felt so good. His body and soul were no strangers to rot and decay. He exhaled and the smoke left him. It almost felt like it had taken a piece of him with it as it gently floated up towards the sky. Rock watched the city lights once more. It was beautiful here, this dying cesspool of mankind's bad habits. Rock had grown accustomed to Roanapur where at one time it had been like his own personal hell on Earth. After his fall to the darkness and the emergence of his other side, he could have crowned himself the king, had he chosen to do so. But the peril his companions and the ruling factions found themselves in banished the darkness from him and he stepped in to save their lives. And what good did that do him, after all was said and done? Rock no longer desired power or enjoyed gambling with lives like he once had. Now, he was happy to just exist in this place because he found it peaceful. The misery suited him and he could find solace here.

I've heard it said that people are like dice. And like dice, we can throw ourselves in any direction.

Rock reached into his pocket and removed his wallet. He opened it in his hands and removed a picture that had been stuffed in there, tossing the wallet itself aside and holding the worn photograph up. It was a picture of Yukio Washimine, with a red 'X' crossed over her face. Rock thought back to all the times he had tried to save people, how he had poured his heart and soul into these people and invested his love in them so that one day they might live normal lives. And every time, they died and Rock was left to sit in the ashes. Rock recalled when he had come to rescue Yukio at the bowling alley with Revy and Ginji. She had thrown herself headlong into the darkness and it destroyed her gentle soul, but she made a claim about Rock that had been incredibly accurate, at least back then. She told him that he stood in the twilight, having committed neither way to the light or the darkness. And because of that, he had no right to judge the actions of others or try to interfere in situations that were not his business. Rock knew things were different, now. He remembered Gregor, the English soldier whose death had been ordered by Rock personally, and he knew he had chosen the darkness on that day. And now, with his ability to let the dice fall however they would without sticking his neck out in an attempt to save people or change the way the world worked, he was also committing to this life in another way. He no longer stood in the twilight. His ability to seamlessly walk in and out of both sides of the world was a strength of his and it gave him perspective that other people were blind to, but he had enough perspective now to see that he was making the right decision. It would ensure his survival, and keep his colleagues out of danger. Colleagues. He was not even sure if he saw them as companions or friends anymore. Perhaps, with the darkness around him and his emotional ties to others severed, he was incapable of feeling anything significant for anyone. That, too, could be his strength.

He looked up at the city lights and then returned his gaze to the photograph once more. Yukio's face brought back many memories, few of them pleasant in any way. Rock clenched his hand into a fist and balled up the photograph. He threw it into the ocean so it could trouble him no more. The sound of footsteps behind him brought him to attention. It must have been Revy. She hadn't left the forward cabin since they stopped outside the boathouse and Dutch had left the boat out in the open, under the assumption Revy would be spending the night aboard.

"Whatcha doing?" she asked. Rock did not turn to face her. He remained there, sitting on the prow with his eyes on Roanapur.

"You heard Dutch," he explained. "Post-job shore leave. You ought to be at the Yellowflag." There was silence for a few seconds.

"I meant with the picture," Revy told him. "Ain't seen you even look at that thing since before the maid waged her little war with Uncle Sam."

"You put it best, Revy," Rock said simply. "I did my best to help her, and in the end my 'half-assed' efforts were completely pointless." Revy remembered saying that to him, in a much more abrasive way, if memory served. But for some strange reason, she wished she hadn't.

"There's something up with you, Rock," the gunslinger told him. "I know you wanna pretend there isn't, but we can all see it. And it's getting to be a real fucking nightmare."

"I'm not pretending anything," Rock told her. His voice was not raised, he was simply having his say on the situation. Knowing Revy, she probably would have preferred an argument like the one in the Yellowflag, but Rock didn't feel like getting assaulted tonight. Although, from her reaction that night, she was probably glad a repeat was being avoided. Something twigged in Rock's head at the memory of how she had reacted and a small pang of compassion tried to breach the barrier of apathy that surrounded his heart, but it was no use.

"Don't fucking dance around it, Rock. I know you. Your head ain't right."

"People are like dice," Rock told her.

"That's just the thing, Rock," Revy cut him off before he could finish the quotation. "You don't throw the dice anymore, you just watch them fall." And that was the essence of it. Rock had technically thrown himself in a certain direction, but for the most part he just stayed on the sidelines and observed as others threw themselves this way or that.

"You should be happy about that," Rock said. "After everything you tried to teach me about this world-our world-I thought you'd agree with this."

Revy plucked the cigarette from his mouth and put it in her own, taking the last drag and flicking the butt into the water.

"Yeah," she said softly. "I thought so too."

(*)

When the Wolf returned to the Maria Zeleska, he had managed to sneak Usagi aboard and hide her in one of the shipping containers away from the eyes of the Russians. It had been difficult to sneak passed these seasoned soldiers on their own vessel, but he had been trained well. Usagi, on the other hand, was not quite as light-footed as him. One wrong move and Hotel Moscow would have seen her. After they returned to Roanapur, sneaking her off the ship again proved to be a challenge, but Balalaika did not seem to notice her. Wolf intended to keep it that way. Nobody could know of her presence in the city. After they had gotten away from prying eyes, Wolf handed her Rahul's gun and offered to explain what had happened in Hong Kong once they were indoors.

They hurried into his apartment and Usagi shut the door behind her. Wolf went to the sink and splashed water into his face. It was night-time, now, and the assassin was tired after the trip. But he still had some information to offer the daughter of the man he had killed. She was probably wondering why he brought her here. Then again, if she was as bright as she seemed, she probably knew already that Rahul no longer lived.

"I know you have questions," Wolf said aloud, bracing his hands on the countertop and letting the water trickle from his face down onto the leather of his jacket. "I'll answer them all." But it was not her voice he heard next, it was the gun being cocked. Giving it to her was not an oversight, it had been intentional in case she saw fit to execute the assassin for his crimes. He was willing to accept the consequences of his actions if Usagi decided he needed to die. What had been unexpected, though, was for her to lead with that before even questioning him. Wolf did not turn around, but he knew the weapon was pointed at him.

"You killed him…didn't you?" she asked. She was beginning to cry and tears were streaming down her face while she questioned the assassin that had at one time been her guardian. "You killed my father!"

"You're going to want to put that away before I put you on your knees," he warned her, his inner wolf baring its fangs now. Usagi faltered for a second, but she kept the gun on him. If anything, that scared her enough to want to use the weapon.

"What happened, Wolf?" she asked him, imploring him to give her answers. "You were my friend! What reason could you have for killing my father?!"

"You must have known when he sent those men to protect you," Wolf told her. He still hadn't turned to face her. Perhaps he found it easier to defend his actions when he could not see her face. "Your father squandered the chance at peace he had and took up arms once more. He was in charge of the gangs, Usagi. And he was leading them straight up Balalaika's ass." Usagi finally retracted her arm and lowered the gun, but only for a moment.

"No," she said defiantly. "No, no…he wouldn't do that." She raised the weapon once again. "He brought me home so we could live in peace. He wouldn't do that!"

"I'm sorry, Usagi," the Wolf said sympathetically. "He pissed off the Triad and Mister Chang gave me the contract. They wanted your father dead."

Usagi was openly weeping, now. Her father had been very close to her, even more so after Hunter's death, and without anyone else to care for her, she was truly alone.

"And you…you killed him…"

"I had no choice," Wolf said adamantly. "He was going to get himself killed, one way or another. Better me than one of Balalaika's people." Usagi held the gun on the assassin, but her arm soon went limp and the gun slipped from her fingers. She wiped her face with the back of her hand. "Look…I didn't want to do that. If I could have it any other way, I never would have gone to Hong Kong in the first place. But Rahul got himself into trouble and this was the only way out. For what it's worth…I truly am sorry." Usagi did not respond to him. She simply grabbed the gun and headed into the other room, where she had been staying during the Dead Men's occupation of Roanapur, as if she automatically knew that living situation was to resume for the meantime. Wolf held the bridge of his nose between two fingers and sighed. It was going to be a very tense few weeks, if not longer.