Chapter Twelve:
"Sheer Brutality"
"Killing you was never my intention, Yagami," Icarus said, as he pointed the gun. "Like you, I'm what you call an information gatherer, and the delegate others to act on it—unless it needs to be done without fail. Sometimes, you must do things yourself."
Light had to agree with that, recalling the time he should have immediately had Misa kill L at To-Ho University when she saw his real name floating above his head. Misa had the Shinigami Eyes back then.
"You play the persona of a benevolent god," Icarus went on, "but you're only human. I'm curious how you got your start? But you can tell me everything after you slice and dice your hand. Okay, Light Yagami/Kira, it's time to choose. Save the girl, or save your own life. Tick tock, time is a wasting."
Light weighed the pros and cons, but ultimately there was only one choice to make. Yes, her death would save him from a load of problems afterwards, the rest he could try to weasel out of it like he had with L, but he just couldn't kill Astuko. And for good reason. It would go against what Kira stood for and his own moral code and principles. He was to be a protector to the meek. Astuko was not a criminal.
When Misa started killing people who were critical of Kira's decisions, he was furious. It tarnished Kira's reputation. And when he had Raye Penber and the other FBI agents killed who were on his trail, it was for the good of the cause. Everyone in law enforcement knew the risks of the job. They didn't understand what Light was trying to do, so sacrifices had to be made. When he later learned he had murdered his best friend's grandfather in a game with L, Demetre Draycott, it then began to make him think of the consequences of his actions. He then retooled his methods and choose more wisely.
Light picked up the piece of glass and thought about charging Icarus with it, but he knew it would be futile. He wouldn't get close enough. Icarus was callous enough, even reckless, to shoot him point blank.
He squeezed the jagged edges of the piece in the centre of his right palm. He knew what had to be done and then mentally prepared himself to bare the pain, as jabbed it into the back of his left hand, and carved at the skin and muscle, destroying any recognition of Astuko's name and phone number.
"Oh…" Ryuk said. The Shinigami was shocked. "He's actually doing it."
"Of course he's doing it," Icarus replied. "He believes in his cause to protect the innocent."
"I didn't think he would do such a thing," Ryuk said. "Perhaps I misjudged you, Light?"
He mentally swore at the both of them as he carved parts of his skin off. He felt he might go into shock.
After it was done, Light dropped the piece of glass to the floor and held his left hand as blood dripped at his feet. He looked up at Icarus and grit his teeth.
Light chided himself. Emotional attachment was detrimental to his cause. Astuko had penetrated his heart that he was forced to mutilate his own hand to save her.
"I can't believe you did that, Light!" Ryuk said. "Maybe there's more to you than I thought?"
Light wanted to tell the Shinigami to Shut the hell up! But relented.
"Good," Icarus said. "I'll give you credit, you're a man of your word."
Light cursed him with some choice words.
Icarus smiled. "Oh, and for the record, and because I know about the Death Note…I may not know everything about you…but what I do know is there has been more than a few Kira's running around within the last year. You each have different morality centres. You kill for justice. The Second Kira kills for sensationalism. And the Third Kira killed for ecumonical benefit. Now, I may not know everyone you've killed, but I believe you fight for a righteous cause. And you do have a heart. I'm not wrong?"
"Christ!" Light's whole left hand was starting to feel numb. "Believe what you want. I don't really give a damn what you think!"
"There are evil people out there. I bet if it was anyone else, you would have allowed Astuko Tairabayashi to die without a second thought. But you do have a strong moral compass, and if you really did kill L as you claim, then I share the reasoning that you did the right thing. If L won, then things would revert back to the way they were before Kira. You have an opportunity to change the world now."
"Then why are trying to stop me?" Light said through clenched teeth.
"Who says I'm trying to stop you?"
Light breathed out, then sucked in deep to try to prevent himself from going into neurogenic shock. It was caused from extreme pain overexciting the parasympathetic nervous system resulting in a significant decrease in heart rate, pulse rate, leading to a dangerous drop in blood pressure. The body would trigger a person would faint to avoid any further agony. Basically, shock. I won't let Icarus beat me!
Icarus continued, "Did Agent Donner tell you why I was being escorted back to Japan as he waited for me outside the washroom? I bet he did. He's the kind of guy who wants you to know he was in charge and enjoys flaunting around his authority. He was an arrogant shithead that deserved what he got. In the end, anyone can be won over with the Death Note. The Death Note is a symbol of absolutism, once your name is written down your fate is pretty much sealed with some exceptions, I'm told." Icarus gestured to the dead federal agent with his eyes poked through with two chopsticks. "How do you enjoy my work?"
"Gruesome," Light remarked.
Light knew about some exceptions, namely adding an Infinity Loop next to a name in the Death Note to continuously loop the death clock, so someone cannot be killed with a Death Note, hence also protecting themselves from someone using another Death Note to kill them. Light refused to write his own name in the Death Note using the trick in case something went wrong, but he knew Demetre had done so, and was using it to protect himself.
Light had thought about writing his friend's name in the Death Note just for the sake of it, but he stopped himself each time. Demetre was still his friend despite their current estrangement.
Light was disgusted by the sheer brutality of the kill of Agent Donner. The chopsticks were obviously a weapon of opportunity that Icarus saw somewhere, snatched them, and when the Marshal was entranced by the Death Note, killed the federal Marshal. He obviously didn't see it coming.
"Now, for a change in subject," Icarus said. "Let me entice you with a story. It might even distract you from the pain of your hand. I bet you're dying to know more about me as a Death Note user."
Light did. But first he had to stop the bleeding before it caused him to collapse, he was already beginning to feel weak. He saw a discarded white rag sitting on a pack of crates wrapped in green mesh to hold them in place. He swallowed his pride, and said, "May I? To stop the bleeding?" He pointed to the rag.
Icarus looked at it. "Be my guest. I want you to hear my sad story. Everyone has one."
Light stepped over and grabbed the white rag. It looked clean enough and was probably forgotten by one of the baggage handlers when they were securing everything in place. There was some dirt on it, but he would disinfect the wound afterwards. He wrapped it tightly around his left hand.
"There, all better now?" Icarus said with a condescending tone.
Light's hand throbbed, but the shock of what he did was minimal now wrapped up. "Quite," he replied.
Light stood up straight and faced Icarus. He may have acquiesced to Icarus's demand to cut his own hand, but he wasn't going to give Icarus the satisfaction of bowing down to him. He was proud and he would keep that pride for as long as he was alive.
"Good," Icarus said. He smiled. "Maybe I should do something about my hand, too."
Icarus reached into the Lamborghini's broken window and took out a yellow cloth, shaking off the glass. It probably came with the sports car to wipe down the leather seats and stirring wheel when used with a waxer. It had never been used since the car was new—not anymore—and was clean. Icarus wrapped it around his blooded hand after he wiped off the gun. "Ah, that's better," he said.
"We humans are such masochists, don't you think?" Icarus said. "We enjoy hurting ourselves."
"That we do," Light replied philosophically.
"Now, where shall I begin? How about from the beginning? That's always a good start."
"Whatever," Light said. "Just get on with it."
Icarus cocked an eyebrow, but didn't respond to Light's snide dismissal. "Don't be so curt, or I'll have you carve something else up, and it won't be your other hand. Maybe than pretty little face?"
Light eyed him hard. "Sorry, please, go on," he said, biting his lower lip. Light then pushed his annoyance deep down. Perhaps this story will give me some clue to who you are, and I'll use it to kill you!
To be continued...