Metamorphosis 31

Lawliet jumped at the sound of the door slamming, not realizing that Light was actually leaving the apartment until now. "Light?" he called getting up from his desk. "Light?" he called again and then panicked when he didn't come right back. He ran to the door and pulled it open. "Light! Light come back, I'm sorry!" he called running out into the hallway.

Light had stormed out of the apartment and had moved quickly down the stairs to the main floor of the school. He had reached the bottom stairs when he was suddenly grabbed from behind. "Light please, I'm sorry," he heard and felt L lean against him. "Please come back." Light stopped and sighed deeply.

"Why, you're obviously too busy to listen to me," he said without turning around and tried to pull away from him.

"I didn't mean for you to leave me, I thought…I thought you'd just sit in the living room and watch tv or something until I was done." Light turned to face him.

"I see. I am supposed to accept your yelling at me when I'm only trying to help you and then sit and wait for the mighty Lawliet to work me into his schedule. Fuck that." He said and turned away again.

"You're right, I was wrong in every way possible," Lawliet said with his head bowed before looking up at him. "I'm just so afraid of him, Light." He said then looked back down at his feet. "And now I'm afraid you're going to get tired of my being afraid and leave for good."

Light ran a hand thru his hair and sighed. "That's not going to happen," he said with a soft smile. "Let's go back upstairs," he added.

"Look," he said as they walked back into the apartment. "I love you, Lawliet. We've been thru far too much to be together for me to leave you," he said, "But I am allowed to be angry and need some space when you behave like this. You can't just dismiss me because the subject matter is uncomfortable."

Lawliet nodded. "I didn't think…I just wanted the conversation about him over, I didn't mean to make it sound dismissive, I'm sorry." Light put his arms around him.

"Lawliet, you can't keep running from this. You are going to have to face him. I'm not saying you have to forgive him, but you need to put this to rest or you're going to be waking up scared of him for the rest of your life."

"I don't know if I can, I don't know how, I don't know what to say…" Lawliet began and Light stopped him.

"Go to Watari. Sit down with him, he'll help you figure out something. I'll go with you and I'll be with you every step of the way, I promise." He caressed Lawliet's face. "I just want you to have some kind of closure on this, so you can move on." Lawliet gently nodded.

"I want that too," he said, "I'd like to close my eyes without him being the first thing I see," he tried but couldn't stop the trembling that was beginning to happen. "I want to stop doing this every time his name is mentioned." He said raising his hands to show Light how badly they were shaking.

"I know," Light said taking Lawliet's hands in his. "It might require some time, but I know that settling with him will be the best first step. Do you believe me?" he asked softly. After a moment Lawliet nodded slowly.

"I believe you, I…I'm just afraid." He said as Light continued to hold him.

"Why don't we wait until we talk to Watari tomorrow before we go any further with this," Light suggested. "I think you need to stop working tonight and just relax. I'll get you anything you want."

"Actually, I'd like to work a little more, it helps me focus on something else…just for a little while…okay?" Lawliet asked. Light nodded.

"Okay, you work, and I'll make some coffee. I'll probably go over a few things myself…if I don't fall asleep first." He laughed then kissed Lawliet softly. "I'm with you all the way with this." He reminded him.

"Thank you," Lawliet said softly before going back to his desk. Light smiled at him before heading to the kitchen. This was going to be tough, but he felt it had to be done.

BB sat in one of the more comfortable chairs in the main room as he waited for A to come. He looked around at the several other patients who were in the room; they were either having their own visits, watching tv or just keeping themselves occupied. He nursed a cup of coffee in a Styrofoam cup as he tried not to stare at the clock and count the minutes. A was always here about the same time each day but today he was a little late. BB tried to not let his mind wander into a panic, that something had happened to him or he had finally decided enough was enough. It wasn't lost on him just how much stronger A had become, that he was handling everything a lot better than BB was. He was now dependent on A more than he realized and he wasn't exactly sure he was used to that feeling, but he also knew he wouldn't have come this far without A. He was startled by the buzzing sound of the door being unlocked and was relieved to see that A had finally arrived. He stood up as A came thru the door, his never faltering bright smile on his face, and his backpack on his back.

"Hey! You're looking awesome today!" A called as he walked over after having his backpack searched.

"I'm sleeping better," BB answered, "I think they've finally figured out the proper cocktail for me." A chuckled slightly as he reached him. "You want to stay here or go back to your room?"

"I think I'd like to stay out of that room as much as possible," BB said as he sat back down. "It doesn't have bars, but it feels like a damned cell to me." A sat down next to him and gently took his hand.

"I get it," he said but then smiled again. "I brought you something!" he said excitedly as he reached into his backpack.

"I'm almost afraid to see what it is," BB said as he watched him pull out what seemed to be an enormous amount of fabric. "What the fuck…" he started when he began to realize what it was.

"It's your cap and gown," A said handing him the cap. "You have to have it for graduation!"

BB laughed harshly. "Graduation? They're not going to let me go to graduation, you're being ridiculous," he said tossing the cap and gown back at A. "You sure you haven't been in my pills?"

"Look, I know you can't go to graduation, but I can bring graduation to you. I'm going to stream it to your computer, you'll feel like you're there." A explained.

"What makes you think I want to be involved in that nonsense at all?" BB told him. "It's ridiculous prancing around in…this." He said pointing to the gown. "And what am I supposed to do, march in a circle around my room?" he laughed again.

"You have the right to be part of it too, just because you had a problem, it doesn't mean you shouldn't celebrate your achievements with everyone else," A defended. That made BB laugh again.

"A problem? You call what I did a problem? Sure, trying to kill my brother and his boyfriend is just a little problem I have to work out."

"Stop it BB," A said crossly. "We both know that wasn't you, not really. We're working on getting you past that, to look ahead and not on what you did when you weren't in your right mind. I would think you'd appreciate what I'm trying to do for you. But if you don't want it, I'll take it back, then." He added beginning to put it back into his backpack. BB stopped him and sighed, realizing he'd hurt his feelings.

"No…don't do that, I'm sorry," he said. "I do appreciate it; I'm just not…its not how I planned this."

"I know, but I'm trying to get as close as I can to it. The guys will probably come visit after the ceremony and maybe we can take some pictures with all of us in our caps and gowns. It'll be good, I promise."

BB ran his fingers thru his hair and sighed. "I'm sure it will be, you've been great with everything you've done for me."

"I love you, Beyond; I need you to get well and get out of here as quickly as you can. We have so much to do together." A told him with a smile.

"I'm trying to," he said, "Because I want that too."

"Good, then we're agreed. You get better, get out and we'll work with Matt and Mello until we can get our own plans back on their feet." A said happily.

"Okay, that sounds like it will work," he said then was quiet for a few moments. "How are Lawliet and Light?" he asked.

"They're both fully recovered," A told him, and BB nodded.

"Believe it or not I'm glad to hear that, it haunts me sometimes. I…" A stopped him.

"I know, Beyond, it's okay. Let's talk about graduation, let me tell you all the juicy gossip!" he laughed. BB nodded and listened even though he really didn't care. He just liked listening to A talk.

Lawliet finished what he was working on and closed his laptop. Light was stretched out on the couch, sipping his coffee as he read thru a file in his lap. He walked over to him and sat on the floor next to him.

"Light, I want to apologize again," he said softly. "I'm really sorry about how I treated you."

Light smiled sliding his papers aside. "I know you are, and it's over now anyway. I know you're under a lot of stress right now and I should have realized that was influencing what you're feeling."

"I might be, but you're the last person I should take it out on," he said, "I promise not to do that again."

Light slid over so that Lawliet could join him on the couch.

"I'm sure you won't, I'm not worried about it," he said kissing him soft. "Its dinner time, you must be hungry."

"I hadn't thought about it until now, but I guess I am. Would you like to head down to the cafeteria? I think I need to get out of here for a while." Light nodded

"Sure, I don't blame you." He said standing up. "Let's go."

They headed into the cafeteria and were glad to see their friends were at their regular table. They got their food and headed over to them.

"Don't look now but we're being blessed with royalty at our table," Mello laughed when he saw them, "glad to see you got him away from his desk for a while." Light chuckled as they sat down.

"Believe me that's not an easy feat," he said.

"It was my idea to come down here, Light," Lawliet reminded him.

"Well this is true," he said, "we needed to see your ugly faces," he added with a laugh.

"How nice…jerk," Matt laughed, "Glad to see you too."

"Everything settling around graduation?" Light asked. "Lawliet isn't too keen on the idea."

"I just think it's a little silly, and with everything I have to do, I just think my time can be better spent." Lawliet tried to explain.

"I feel the same way," Mello agreed, "But it should be good for a few good laughs," he said.

Light smiled and looked around. "I guess A is still visiting," he said noticing he wasn't there. Matt and Mello looked at each other and then at Light who simply nodded before putting his hand on L's leg for support.

"Yea, he makes sure he has dinner with him every day," Matt said. "Its amazing how well he's doing."

"He's a lot stronger than we realized; he's going to be a real help in helping B get better." Mello added.

"That's good, I want him to get better," Lawliet said as he tried to contain his slight tremble. "We all have to move forward and get better, but especially B." he looked up at them. "And in that vein, I think I should let you know that I've decided that I should visit him…to help move forward. I know you've all been probably wondering if I would and Light has convinced me that it would be the best thing to do."

"That's a pretty ballsy step, Lawliet," Mello said, "Good for you."

Lawliet sighed deeply as he played with his food. "I was hoping you guys would agree, this is difficult for me."

"I can understand that" Matt told him, "And we want to see both of you getting past that. Obviously, it's going to take him a lot longer, but we all assumed if you made this step it would be a really good thing for both of you. When do you think you'll do it?"

"We're going to talk to Wammy in the morning as get his guidance and maybe I'll just do it tomorrow, to get it done."

"That sounds like a plan," Light said, "I'll be with you each step of the way, don't worry." Lawliet nodded again.

"When you come back, we'll do something to celebrate this milestone, we'll have to party somehow, leave this dump and go somewhere nice, ya think?"

Lawliet brightened. "Actually, that sounds great. But not for too long because I have to work…"

"You can shove your work for a day for fuck's sake, you're gonna be doing this the rest of your life," Mello told him. "Light? You in?"

"Of course, I also think it's a great idea." He said.

"I notice you didn't ask me." Matt said laughed.

"It's my idea, of course you're in." Mello said. "I already knew that."

"Its so sad when they take you for granted," Matt said to Lawliet "even if they are right."

Light took Lawliet's hand under the table as Matt and Mello tried to decide where they should go for this celebration.

"I'm proud of you, I know how difficult that was to say." Lawliet nodded and then smiled at him.

"Thank you, but you better wait until tomorrow before you say that; I might not be able to go thru with it."

"You will, I'm not worried about that," Light said. "You're a lot stronger than you're giving yourself credit for. Now eat up, there's dessert waiting for us upstairs."

"There is? Did Wammy leave us…" he stopped when he saw Light's wide grin. "Oh, I see," he said picking up his fork again. "Yes…dessert…of course!" he said and began eating quickly.