AN: Like I said before, this and the next two are gonna be HEFTY chapters. I hope they're also good but like, that's on all ya'll to decide

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Given everything that had happened on that day, Iruka decided to follow his instincts. He once again avoided Rōzu at every possible turn. They'd managed to get Mizuki to give him a party invite, which meant he had to go and see them. It was a few hours til the party would start, he was tempted to just avoid going altogether, but knew that would only hurt Naruto's feelings. Full of turmoil, he was at the door of the only other friend he thought could offer some input on the situation.

"Hm?" Kakashi opened the door and turned a lazy eye to him. "Am I being collected for the party already?"

"No, but I will probably be back later for that too" Iruka wouldn't let his typical tardiness ruin the party. "Can I come in? I want to talk with you about something."

"Sure" he held the door open fully and gestured Iruka inside. "Take a seat wherever I'll grab some snacks."

He took a seat in a fairly old chair across from the couch. He hadn't actually visited Kakashi before, but all of the furniture looked rough at best. Given how rarely he was actually home it probably didn't matter too much to him, but Iruka made a note for possible presents in the future.

"So" Kakashi lounged on the couch, reaching into a bag of chips. "What's up?"

"How much have you heard about the whole Rōzu situation?"

"Uh, that depends on which situation you mean?"

"The most recent one?"

"The party?"

"No um, they sort of got possessed?"

"Ah, news to me" if he was surprised by this news Kakashi failed to show it. "I assume that got resolved?"

"Yeah it was kind of a whole" Iruka waved his hand trying to think of a good word to describe what had happened. "Thing?"

"It sure sounds like it was a thing."

"Right, but why I'm here today is because of what they did after that got resolved."

"Did they get double possessed?"

"No the-"

"Aliens?"

"Again, n-"

"Master plan reveal?"

"I will say it if y-"

"They were actually just a Naruto clone in disguise all along?"

"THEY KISSED ME!" annoyed by his guessing Iruka snapped a little bit.

"Hm" this actually made Kakashi sit up. "In a friendly way?"

"No! Like in an on the lips way!"

"This is bad news."

"It is?" Iruka had thought so, but didn't expect anyone else to agree. "I mean, yes! It is! What am I supposed to do when I see them at the party!"

"I assume you've been avoiding them since the kiss?"

"Obviously!"

"Hm, have you tried telling them you're not interested?"

"What?" that thought hadn't actually crossed his mind, he'd been too busy thinking of how much more annoying Mizuki would get if he heard about it. "I mean, I haven't?"

"Are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Interested?" Kakashi was taking this much more seriously than Iruka had expected, had he accidentally wound up in a love triangle?

"Uh, no? I mean, no."

"Really, you sounded incredibly convincing just but I'd like to double check."

"Well, I dunno, I never thought about it really. I've never actually, you know."

"Kissed? Dated? Ate eel?"

"I mean all of those but specifically the dating one" he didn't like that Kakashi knew about his avoidance of eel.

"I see" Kakashi leaned back, looking upwards deep in thought.

The two sat in silence for a few moments. Iruka was trying to think of something to say to get out of the love triangle he'd found his way into. A polite way to let Kakashi know he didn't mean to infringe upon the two of them and their thing.

"I have a solution" Kakashi fiddled with his mask.

"You do?" Iruka liked the definitive tone he'd said that in.

"Yes, I'll just need you to close your eyes for a few moments though."

"Uh" he was a little less sure about that. "Is that really necessary?"

"I'm afraid it is very necessary."

"Alright" he trusted Kakashi enough to go along with this.

With his eyes closed he heard a draw open a little bit away. It sounded like Kakashi retrieved something from it. A few moments later he felt Kakashi's hand on his shoulder. Turning towards where he approximated he'd be standing, Iruka opened his mouth to say something. Before he could make a sound he felt something press against his lips. He was frozen in place for a moment, before he snapped his eyes open and jumped away.

"AH!" he pointed an accusing finger at the somehow already re-masked Kakashi.

"I know mango lip balm isn't the best" he looked at a small tube he had in hand. "But does it really taste that bad?"

"WHY DID YOU KISS ME!"

"Oh, you know, it seems like everyone who's anyone is doing it."

Unable to enunciate a coherent thought, Iruka pointed between the two of them. Satisfied with the message he'd conveyed, Iruka then stormed out of the house.

"See you at the party!" Kakashi waved him off.

Even more confused and distressed Iruka had no idea who to turn to for help. Both of his only non-work friends had now kissed him, he could barely process one doing so, but two! In a stroke of luck, and probably even greater misfortune, he ran into the hiding Jiraya.

"Avoiding people as well?" after a short panic Jiraya pulled them both into a nearby bush.

"Yep, why are you?" Iruka had expected him to never return after his sudden departure.

"I'm here to deliver an age appropriate gift and then flee before Kushina can end my life."

"Oh, we actually got rid of her about a week ago."

"Oh in that case, I'm here to deliver an age appropriate gift and flee before Rōzu hurts me."

"I don't think they'd'' Iruka paused, it was actually very likely they would hurt Jiraya at least a lot. "Not give you a head start at least?"

"Doubtful, what about you? Having people trouble?"

"Shockingly" of all the people in the world, Iruka did not want to discuss this with Jiraya, he was tragically out of options though. "Yes."

"Oh, do tell."

"Well, apparently out of all two of my friends, there are zero who do not want to kiss me."

"Oh, I can't see where the problem is here."

"It's Kakashi and Rōzu."

"Oh nice, Kakashi is a real hottie."

Iruka sighed heavily. He wasn't sure why he even bothered bringing this up to Jiraya.

"The problem is I don't want them both kissing me!"

"Then just say that, I assume they'd both take the message and cut it out."

"Well yeah I'm sure they would."

"But?"

"There's not but!"

"Then why haven't you just done that instead of staying in the bush with me?"

"Fine, there's a but."

"There's always a but."

"They're both nice, and I enjoy being with them, but we're friends! Isn't it like the worst idea to try and date a friend?"

"I've heard as much, yeah, so you want out of this triangle situation?"

"I'm pretty sure I do."

"Well, I think the answer is the same then, just tell them both that" Iruka was getting annoyed with all this advice related to discussing things like that.

"But why would they both do this! Do they not care about the friendships?"

"Ok now you're reaching. What prompted the kisses?"

"What?"

"What happened before they both kissed you."

"Oh well, I was helping Rōzu get to work after we got them free of Kushina. They also said some pretty nice things about me, but I did just save their life so I feel like that isn't a good indicator."

"You don't see the romantic moment that was clearly there? After saving them, a damsel of sorts, from distress?"

"No?" Iruka didn't find anything romantic about watching them flail around on the floor for an hour.

"Are you serious?" Jiraya held his head. "This is like textbook romantic stuff! Who educated you in the language of love?"

"Uh, no one?" he wasn't a fan of having Jiraya hold his head and shout at him.

"Of course, long story short, saving someone from peril is a classic lead up to a romantic breakthrough! Especially if there were some underlying signs of a potential romance beforehand."

"Uh, when you put it like that, I guess?" Iruka was very lost with where this conversation was going, and was hoping to just move it along. "But with Kakahsi he did it after I told him about that kiss! So no life saving or anything there!"

"Oh easy, he heard about the competition and is making sure he's a contender."

"That's not…" Kakashi had said something that could be interpreted as that after said kiss.

"That's exactly what happened isn't it."

"Well fine! But I need help still! What am I supposed to do about all of this!"

"Tell them you're not interested still seems like a pretty good idea."

"What if I" Iruka did not want to admit to any kind of feelings, especially to Jiraya. "Might be interested, you know, one day or whatever."

"Listen" Jiraya put a hand on his shoulder. "The way I see it, you really only have two choices. Option one: turn them both down since you're not interested right now, if that changes then it changes but you gotta make a decision sooner rather than later about all this to be fair to them. Option two: reciprocate both of their feelings and have a threesome, becoming the coolest guy in the village."

"What?"

"What?"

"How does that, no I'm just going to ignore that option."

"Fine, don't be a cool guy, but still have a threesome."

"I am distraught about being kissed! Do you really think I could handle that!"

"If you were a cool guy, yes."

"Focus!" Iruka grabbed Jiraya's head now. "What am I supposed to do!"

"Listen, you're clearly overthinking things, and ignoring the one piece of advice I've actually given you. Just follow your instincts."

"Skip town and change my name?"

"Ok not those instincts. Just be honest with them both and hope for the best."

"I can do that I think."

"When I say be honest I don't mean tell them you're planning on skipping town and changing your name."

"I cannot do that then."

"Listen" Jiraya held his head once again. "Just tell these two other adults, as you are also an adult and capable of communicating your feelings, your feelings. Worst Case scenario, they get a little mad at you for a little bit and then you all stay friends or whatever."

"Alright" Iruka felt very silly as he both held Jiraya's head and had his own head held. "I can do that. I am an adult!"

"You have some real big issues guy."

"I am very aware of that."

"Good, now then, I'll leave this with you" Jiraya handed him a wrapped up gift. "And then I'll skip town to avoid an ass whooping. Goodluck I guess."

In an attempt to delay the inevitable, Iruka decided to just wait at home. He hoped by not getting Kakashi he'd be late to the party, giving him a chance to split up talking to them both. He also really hoped whatever Jiraya had put in this box was actually age appropriate, because he did not feel safe as the one delivering it. As his clock tolled for three, he grabbed his own gift and steeled his resolve. To help steel his resolve further, he took the long way to where they were holding the party. He ended up getting there a half hour late, and from the sound of it, was one of the last people to arrive. It was for the best Jiraya wasn't there to see the pinata in his likeness get beaten down by twenty children. The various chaperones who'd come along were all mingling by the tables that had been set up. After a quick scan of the area, he couldn't see Rōzu or Kakashi anywhere. As two arms looped with his own he froze in terror.

"Hey there's our favorite guy" Rōzu had grabbed his left arm.

"Can't believe you'd show up late to a child's birthday party Iruka" Kakashi had his right.

"Sorry I don't know you" having learned from before, Iruka had also brought a log to swap with. "Something else came up, those are from me and Jiraiya bye!"

As he turned to run he was scooped over the shoulder of one Might Guy. Unable to get free of his grip, Iruka let out a sigh of defeat.

"Sorry I'm late!" Guy jogged over to the other two holding Iruka. "I got carried away with my workout and didn't notice the time."

"All good, and thanks for catching this run away" Rōzu took the gift Guy produced as well as the other two from the floor. "Kakashi can show you where the snacks are!"

If he'd made a list of the worst possible ways to try and handle this, he'd put what he'd done as the actual worst way. He tried not to make eye contact with anyone while Guy brought him over to an empty seat. On top of everything else, now all of his students and their family members had seen that. He was sure it couldn't get worse.

"Hey man!" Mizuki sat on the table next to him. "Can't believe you were late to this! That is not going to get you any favors with Rōzu if you know what I mean."

"Mizuki."

"Yea?"

"Can you let me wallow for like, two minutes?"

"Sure thing man" Mizuki hopped off the table to go talk with someone else.

"Thanks bud" now alone, Iruka began to wallow.

Just as the wallow set on hard, he was broken out of it very rudely. Naruto had pegged him with a water balloon. Now dripping wet, he decided to stop wallowing. He wasn't on the clock, and the opinions of anyone here of him couldn't really get much lower. So he grabbed some water balloons of his own.

"Well Naruto" he stared down at the boy, bouncing a balloon in hand. "Time to see if you've done the strategy assignments for this month."

"Oh no" Naruto had never felt fear like he did then, his short life began to flash before his eyes as he fled.

It turned out most of the other kids had thrown balloons at other adults as well, soon enough the party was a warzone. Kin turned on kin, it was horrible. Itachi fell for Sasuke's false surrender and had a balloon detonated point blank, taking him out. Kiba and Akamaru had tried to perform a sneak attack on Hiashi, only for him to catch the balloon and return fire. Throughout it all Iruka had stuck to Naruto, raining down hell from on high. He'd kept the boy pinned down behind an overturned table for a few minutes now but was low on balloons.

"Give it up! You're trapped Naruto!"

"Never!" Naruto leapt out from his cover to try and rush Iruka for a last ditch attempt.

Before his foot even hit the ground he was hit. He began to fall, the world slowing down around him.

"War" he held out a hand to the sky, a single tear drop running down his face. "War never changes."

"NOOOOO" Sasuke knelt by his fallen comrade, crying out to the heavens.

"They have really gotten into those after school acting classes" Itachi watched Sasuke 'mourn' Naruto's 'death,' from the out zone with Rōzu.

"Naruto was born to act, he can cry on command" they were setting up some more snacks onto the few safe tables. "If being a ninja doesn't work out he's gonna be a star."

"Sasuke he's not actually dead" Iruka, who did not know about their acting classes, had actually been sold on the act. "It's just water."

"GOT YOU" Sasuke broke the act and splattered a balloon in Iruka's face, hitting him hard enough to knock him over. "NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN ON THE FIELD OF BATTLE!"

Iruka was speechless as Sasuke raced off to aid his fellow children in the battle. He would've expected that from Naruto, but he'd just been caught entirely off guard by Sasuke. It was only when Rōzu brought Naruto a juice pouch that he managed to break out of his stupor. Luckily it was just in time for him to catch the pouch tossed to him.

"Dang I wanted to get you in the head too" Rōzu frowned at his save.

"I thought you were on my side of this war!"

"I am an impartial third party that is using it to profit by supplying the balloons. I take no sides other than my own."

"I feel like" now that he was out, Iruka could acknowledge how dark everyone had gotten during the war. "We've all taken this too far."

"It's easy to have regrets when you're dead" Naruto said this between drinking his juice. "I wish I'd eaten more ramen."

"Sorry Kiddo" they ruffled his hair. "Ramen's only for winners."

"But, but" his eyes filled with tears.

"Nope, I'm not Iruka, I won't fall for that."

"Dammit, fine" Naruto wiped away the tears and headed over to the outzone.

"Hey!" Iruka wasn't that gullible.

"Hm?" Rōzu leveled their gaze on him. "Got something to say? Or are you gonna try and run off again?"

"I…" He was shamed into silence.

"Thought so" they pulled him to his feet. "Come on, I can grab you a towel while everyone else finishes up."

Left without much else to do, Iruka followed them. He watched the rest of the war finish up, it came down to Shikamaru and a few other kids against Hiashi. Iruka thought it was kind of rude that he was using his Byakugan against literal children, but was way too scared of the man to bring it up. Finally the children managed to defeat him, using Hinata as a means to catch him off guard and end his reign.

"Alright everyone find a seat now that you're done with the war" Rōzu brought out the cake. "Also uh, sorry there is definitely not enough cake for everyone, sort of my bad!"

They put down the ramen bowl shaped cake in front of Naruto. There were seven candles stuck in it.

"Can you light it up for me Itachi? I didn't actually bring a lighter."

"I can" he flashed through some handseals and puffed out a few small fireballs to light the candles.

"Thanks! Alright Naruto, if I remember right you make a wish, but don't share it, and then blow out the candles."

"Wait, we have to sing him a birthday song first!" Kiba used his hand to cover Naruto's mouth and prevent the blowing out of candles.

"Uh" Rōzu looked around, clearly unsure of that. "If you say so?"

"Yes!" he stood up on a chair and cleared his throat. "Everyone!"

If anyone had expected this rendition of Happy Birthday to be good, they were very wrong. Kiba was constantly changing the pace he was singing it, throwing off everyone trying to follow his lead. Most of the adults were mumbling through it, and the kids were loudly singing along it lots of discordant pitches. Rōzu was somehow getting the words wrong? Iruka guessed they'd somehow never heard of this song. All in all, Iruka thought it was probably the worst singing he'd ever heard. Looking at Naruto though, he stopped caring about it and couldn't help but smile. As the singing ended there was a pause, Naruto clearly didn't know what was supposed to happen next, and neither did Rōzu.

"Now he makes a wish?" they looked around trying to gauge if that was correct.

"Yes!" Kiba took it upon himself to make sure all the birthday traditions were followed.

As the candles went out there were a few cheers with varying excitement levels from the crowd. There were more cheers as cake pieces were passed out to the kids, thanks to some expert slicing there was enough for all of them. As a lull formed over the party Iruka for the first time noticed that Third Hokage was also there. He then also realized he had, in his pursuit of Naruto, pelted the leader of the village with a few balloons. He was pretty sure he wouldn't be making jonin for quite awhile.

"I think it's time these old bones head home" almost as if prompted by his look, Sarutobi bid his farewell. "Take care everyone."

Everyone at the party stopped to quickly say goodbye to him in turn. There was then another silence as the party waited for him to be out of earshot.

"Did anyone know he was here?" Choza had also not noticed him.

There was a quick chorus of "No" from the group. He'd somehow managed to slip in undetected, and early enough to be in the war.

"Not to be rude" Shikaku put a hand on Iruka's shoulder. "But you're definitely in trouble with him."

"Yeah I know" Iruka was already pre-stressed about what the Hokage might do to get back at him.

"The Hyuugas" Hiashi was referring to himself and Hinata, they had thankfully not brought the whole clan. "Will also be heading home now, thank you for hosting the party."

Over the next half hour most of the guests trickled out as well. Only a few stayed back to help clean up. Unfortunately for Iruka, Kakashi and Mizuki both decided to stay back as well.

"This ruled!" Mizuki had apparently had an amazing time at the party. "I cannot wait to see what crazy shit the next family to throw a party does."

"I don't think we'll get invited to a clan party" Iruka was sticking to his coworker to avoid dealing with Kakashi and Rōzu.

"But this is like the precedent setter for future parties, it would now be rude if we weren't."

"I don't think it works like that."

"Well, we'll find out come December then."

"Do you have the students' birthdays memorized?"

"Do you not?"

"Well no, but like, it's in their files."

"Bro we've taught these kids for like two years now."

"There's a lot of them!"

"Bro" Mizuki shook his head, disappointment clearly showing in his eyes.

Almost too soon most of the trash was taken care of. Rōzu had closed up and collected the tables, Kakashi packed up the leftovers. Iruka saw this as a good chance to leave since they were pretty much done.

"Hey you two" before he could say something Rōzu called out to them. "You can probably head home, there's not too much left to clean up now."

"You sure?" Iruka wanted to really sell this. "I'm free the rest of the day so I can stick around some more."

"You sly dog you" Mizuki winked over to him. "Yeah he mentioned some paperwork for you I think? But I'll be heading out then, thanks for the invite!"

Iruka could feel a blood vessel pop in his head as Mizuki left, flashing him some finger guns on the sly.

"Oh paperwork? Like for the area we used?"

"Uh" Iruka tried to come up with a lie to cancel out this lie.

"Yup!" Mizuki yelled this from a bit down the road.

"Oh cool, I was a lil busy being possessed so I'm sure I missed some" they gave him a light jab on the arm. "Thanks for all the help setting this up, I am way out of my depths here."

"Of course" he wasn't happy to be stuck here longer, but he figured it was a sign to just get through all this now instead of putting it off.

With everything else taken care of, the last thing to do was bring the gifts and other things back. The sound of some light snoring tipped Iruka off that someone would need to carry Naruto back as well.

"You know usually kids open the gifts during the party right?' he brought the sleeping boy over to the other two.

"What?" Rōzu clearly did not know that. "Isn't that weird? Like one kid is just there opening stuff up while everyone else is just watching?"

"I mean, when you say it like that yeah kind of, but it's what happens."

"Man birthday parties are weird."

"Amen."

"Neither of you have had a birthday party?" Iruka could believe one of them, but both?

"Been an orphan since I was five, what do you want from me" Kakashi had him there.

"My family didn't do birthdays so yea" they gave him a half-hearted shrug.

Iruka decided to just drop this, since it was only going to go into a very sad territory. He passed Naruto over to Rōzu and helped move some of the gifts with Kakashi. This was the first time he'd actually looked at them for longer than a few seconds in a week.

"Some of your hair is still red?" there was only a streak of it now, which is probably why he didn't notice before.

"Oh yea" they pulled it up a little. "The rest went back to normal the next day, but this lil bit is still here. It probably means there's still a little bit of her in me, but I'm no expert on this stuff."

"We could probably find Fox again to check?" He didn't want another possession to happen.

"Eh, I'm not really worried about it" they flashed a grin and flexed a muscle at him. "My limiters are still off and I've actually had time to get some of the rust off. I dare her to try me."

"Uh huh" he felt his face get a little warm and looked away.

The walk to the Uzumaki residence was quick, something he was very thankful for. They left the gifts in Naruto's room, Rōzu tucked him into bed while they waited out in the living room. A pit formed in his stomach.

"Oh you didn't actually just bolt off?" they clearly had expected him to.

"I assume Guy is waiting outside if I try to" Iruka was still scarred from being carried by the man.

"I did tell him to stand by just incase" Kakashi could very well be serious, it was hard to tell.

"Listen, I'm not really, I don't, you both kissed me" Iruka hadn't really prepared anything to say and was floundering.

"This is true?' Rōzu looked over at Kakashi for confirmation.

"Yep."

"And I'm, uh, flattered?"

"You are?"

"Yes?"

"You sound very sure of that."

"I told Kakashi before, but I haven't ever, well, done any of this stuff before."

"This stuff?" Rōzu wasn't too clear on what that meant.

"He means kissing, dating, and eating eel."

"You've never tried eel?"

"That is not important right now!"

"I didn't expect the eel to be that touchy of a subject."

"Can you both maybe stop joking around?"

"Hm, I'll get back to you on that, how's next week sound?" he did deserve that one.

"Ok look, yeah I admit I probably shouldn't have avoided you for a week, but I was very confused! You kissed me!"

"You mentioned that yeah."

"Why!"

"I wanted to?"

"Why!"

"Because!"

"Because why!"

"Ok" Kakashi held a hand up to both of them. "I see the two most emotionally open people are trying to speak, but maybe we try a different approach."

"Like?" Iruka felt like this was going just fine as is.

"Rōzu, did you perhaps kiss him due to having 'feelings' for him" Kakashi put air quotes around the word.

"I may have. Who wants to know?

"Me!"

"Iruka please wait your turn. For the record, Iruka would like to know."

"It has been added to the record."

"Thank you, I would also like to know."

"Fine, I did in fact kiss him due to the previously mentioned feelings."

"How do you feel towards him now?"

"A little annoyed."

"Understandable" Kakashi turned to Iruka. "How do you feel towards Rōzu?"

"I" Iruka really didn't think about that. "I don't know? We're friends?"

"So you'd prefer if they didn't kiss you?"

"Well, I mean, I guess?"

"You guess?"

"They are nice, and I enjoy having them as a friend, but I don't think I'm really in a place to date anyone?"

"Iruka" Rōzu spoke up, ignoring Kakashi's shush hand. "You could've just told me that. You're a good guy and I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"I know" he'd had that hammered into him by more than one person today. "I just don't know if that'll be true forever?"

"Well obviously, I am incredible and it is only a matter of time till you fall in love with me."

"But that's fine? With both of you? If we just, maybe put a hold on any of this kissing and relationship stuff?"

"I can play the long game for a bit longer if need be" Kakashi gave him a thumbs up.

"Yeah to get my sloppy seconds maybe" they gave him a playful punch.

"I…" Iruka really hadn't expected this. "Thank you."

"Oh don't be corny. We're your friends first."

"Well maybe you are, but I'm a love interest first and foremost" Kakashi said that with absolute certainty.

Iruka laughed at that, it wasn't too funny, but combined with the absurdity of how he'd been acting, he couldn't help but laugh. The lack of ill will towards him from either of them was hopefully a good sign for things to come.