Mara Laura Jade Gets Her Man

The beautiful, slinky, twenty-something woman with red-gold flowing locks made her way up the ramp of the Falcon, and over to the cockpit, where she'd seen her prey from a distance. Moving quietly as a cat, in her body-hugging catsuit, she entered the small room and looked down at the object of her desire as he lay on his back with his head stuck under the control panel.

"Hello, Han," the beautiful woman purred.

"Mara? What are you doing here?" Han asked, an expression of surprise on his face, as he pushed himself into a seated position.

"I'm here for you, big boy," she said as she crouched down, revealing her ample cleavage.

"Me? Did Leia send you over for some reason?"

Mara Laura laughed, her voice sounding like delicate chimes. "Silly man! Of course not!" With that, she tackled Solo to the ground, kissing him passionately.

"But...but..." Han mumbled against her rose-red lips. "What about Talon Karrde? Or Lando? Or Luke?"

"There was nothing between me and Talon! Or Lando, either!" she protested.

"But what about that time Leia and I..."

"Oh that little incident!" Again she gave her sultry, misty laugh. "They were just kidding! It was just a silly little misunderstanding! Didn't you know that?"

"They? Who are They"? Han asked, puzzled, but keeping his arms wrapped tightly around the gorgeous woman. Who couldn't love her? Everybody Loves Mara!

"The ProFic writers, silly!" Mara explained. "Now, let's go somewhere more comfortable, like your bunk."

"Uh... sure!" Han said agreeably, if somewhat confused. "But what about Leia?"

"Who?"

"My wife?"

"Oh. Well, you'll just have to divorce her and marry me, you handsome hunk of burning love," she giggled.

"But we have kids! Three of them, if I remember correctly," Han said as he allowed Mara to lead him to his cabin. "Or maybe one. But I'm pretty sure that one of 'em turns into a Sith, anyway."

"Do you ever see these kids?" Mara asked, annoyed.

"No. Luke and Winter take care of them."

"Do you ever see Leia?"

"No. She's too busy running the galaxy."

"Then what is the problem?" Mara snapped, wondering if she'd need to use the Force to get Han to cooperate. "I'm far more beautiful and Force-sensitive than she is! And I want kids! Lots of Force-strong little kids!" She stomped her little foot delicately. "If I wait for Skywalker to get around to it, I'll be almost fifty before I have my first one! Not that my age would matter, mind you! I'll ALWAYS look like I'm in my twenties! Don't you want a wife that will never, ever age?"

Han put his finger on his chin thoughtfully. A wife that never aged? Now that would be great! "No problem that I can see!" He told Mara happily.

Mara Laura pulled Han into his cabin and shut the door.

Six months later...

The grand wedding had thousands of guests. Luke sat in the front row, between Lando and Talon. "I can't believe I let her get away!" Luke wailed loudly as the stunning, pregnant bride with red-gold hair walked up the aisle. "She was MINE! Mine! Do you hear me?!" Luke grabbed Lando by the front of his ruffled shirt, sobbing inconsolably.

"Hey, Luke, will you calm down?" Lando growled, prying the Jedi's fingers off his clothes. "Mara was everybody's! Don't you think I'm upset, too?"

Talon sighed. "Everybody Loves Mara! Now I've lost the best pilot in the galaxy to that stupid Corellian!"

Luke Skywalker ignored the two men and turned around to face Leia, who was sitting in the row behind him, talking on a comlink. "Leia? Why didn't you stop him? What was wrong with you? Now I've lost my soulmate! I can never be happy again, not that I was ever happy to begin with, but I digress. And this is all because you weren't woman enough to keep your man!"

Leia pulled the comlink away from her ear. "Luke, is this important? I'm in a high-level political meeting right now!"

"Your husband is marrying another woman! That's not important?" Luke yelled.

"Who?"

"Your HUSBAND! Han SOLO! Don't you remember him?"

"Um, no. Not really," Leia mused. "They don't seem to think it's important to keep us together too much, so I've kind of forgotten who my husband is."

"You had THREE KIDS with him, for Force-sakes! Or maybe one. Why can't They make up their minds!? Anyway, how could you FORGET him?" Luke screamed in frustration.

"Kids?" Leia asked, confused. "I have kids?"

Luke threw his hands up in the air. "I knew it was a mistake to let you pawn your brats off on me! Now Mara wants kids of her own, because she thinks YOURS are so wonderful!"

"Why didn't you just ask Mara to marry you a long time ago if you loved her so much?" Lando asked as he filed his fingernails.

"I have no idea..." Luke trailed off. "All these women kept throwing themselves at me, and I was so confused! But I never loved any of them! I only loved Mara!" Skywalker put his face into his hands and sobbed hysterically. "I should run away to a uncharted planet and live like a hermit with only strange little creatures that look like penguins for company!"

The rest of the audience, except for President Organa who was busy talking into her comlink, turned their attention to the Wedding Ceremony.

"Do you, Mara Laura Jade," the Priest yelled at the top of his lungs, in order to be heard over the wailing Skywalker, "Take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"Yes," the radiant red-gold haired bride replied.

"And do you, Han Solo, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Does anyone here object to this wedding? Speak now, or forever hold your peace."

"I OBJECT!" Luke shouted, as he jumped to his feet. "I OBJECT!"

Mara Laura whipped out her lightsaber. "Skywalker! Shut up!"

"Yes, my love," Luke mumbled and sat back down.

"This is highly unusual," the Priest grumbled.

Solo whipped out his blaster and pointed it at the Priest. "Just get on with it!"

"I now pronounce you Husband and Wife!" the Priest said hurriedly.

A loud thud sounded as Luke Skywalker passed out and fell off the bench.

Han and Mara Laura Jade-Solo lived happily ever after, until Han got old and Mara didn't. Then she left Han and found herself a twenty-something Jedi and got remarried, and Han was murdered by one of his sons, although neither he nor Leia could recall which one turned into the Sith.

THE END