So, first of all, I would really, really like to as you people to leave reviews! The more reviews, the more encouraging it is to update quickly when my muse for this story becomes dormant again. (But no flames, because those are likely to discourage)

And so it is time for Ed and Al to meet psycho-parents!

Chapter fourteen

"Hey, Captain Butterfly?" Ed suddenly asked from a few rows down. Roy was currently helping Alphonse find a tuxedo which was made a bit more difficult than he would like due to Al's crutches, while Riza was looking at ties and bowties, and while Ed was just running around the shop, looking for something to take his fancy. Roy had decided that letting Ed run his own show was probably for the better as it seemed to make him a bit less grumpy about the whole tuxedo affair. They had arrived in Central only about an hour before and Roy was already feeling his annoyance with his parents growing. He didn't enjoy Central. He'd finally escaped it when he moved out eight years previously.

And now he was going to have to spend a month in his parents' mansion with said parents.

They had only had about twenty-four hours back in East City before leaving for Central as the trains took four days instead of three if you wanted the ones with the sleeper compartments and that also had room to take a couple of cars. Roy would rather drive his own car than borrow one from his parents when they would be stuck there for weeks. As Al should have his ankle elevated, then sleeping compartments were also a given.

...Plus Roy would probably have arrived in Central murderous instead of irritated had they spent three days on those hard, wooden benches and then needed to be picked up at the train station, probably by Mother herself unless she was too busy working.

"Yes, Edward?" Roy answered. One of the two employees had tried to assist Ed, but Ed had answered truthfully that "I have no idea what the hell I'd like, 'cos I'm from a country town and I've only seen one tuxedo in my whole life before now so I'd rather look around on my own."

Judging by the employee's face, Ed had been the first one to ever swear in his shop. Roy wasn't surprised. Going to somewhere other than the most prestigious shop in Central would end up with Roy's parents throwing a fit and drag the boys over here in embarrassment.

Which meant that Roy had instead gracefully informed the man that the Elrics had been through a very traumatic experience and were the sole survivors of a vampire raid and needed some time to adjust to their new way of living. The man had bowed to Roy and offered his condolences to both boys before pulling away with another bow and a "please ask if you need any assistance, Captain Mustang, sir."

Ed had looked up at Roy as soon as the man had left them like Roy was an alien, before disappearing down the aisles.

And now the kid was peeking his head out from the end of the shelves, purposefully hiding whatever he was wearing. "You like giving your parents heart attacks, right?" he said, grinning.

Roy was liking where this was going and gave him a nod.

And Ed didn't fail to disappoint. He was standing there in a pair of black tuxedo trousers, a shiny, dark green shirt, a black tie, and a shiny, deep red tuxedo jacket with yellow and dark green lines crossing repeatedly in a chequered pattern, the lapels black. Edward made an artistic pirouette to show it off, straightening it out when he faced Roy. "It even fits perfectly. It's practically meant to be." Then he smirked at Roy. "And all you have to say is that it reminded me of the living room blanket so it gave me a way to bring Resembool into my new home even after everything burned down."

"Brother, it was brown," Al said, staring.

Ed winked at Roy, casually putting his hands in his trouser pockets. "Yeah, but they don't know that."

Roy was fighting a strong urge to laugh. It certainly did fit Edward, and he was right, with that reasoning, no one would dare say anything against it. Roy might even be celebrated for doing something so nice for his wards. And so he smiled and nodded. "Then we're getting that one for you."

Ed smirked and went off again, only to return a few seconds later, holding up a creamy white one with a thin, dark blue line going along the bottom of the sleeves and at the lapel, matching the dark blue shirt underneath and matching trousers. "Also, Al, I think this one would be pretty nice on you. Doesn't make you look like you wanna be a stuck-up jerk."

Roy had to say that it would actually fit Al pretty well.

And so Ed gave the tuxedo to Roy, before walking off again, this time bringing a bigger one for a full-grown man, a slightly shiny, dark grey one with black lapels, white shirt and a black waistcoat underneath. "You should try this, I'm not gonna "socialise" while being followed around by a man in a uniform like you're some weird bodyguard instead of our guardian. Tell them that it's to make us feel less awkward or something."

Roy just stared. "You've been finding tuxedos to all three of us in such a short while?"

Ed shrugged. "Yeah. I spotted the one I'm getting after like half a minute, so I figured I should help you guys out a bit. Call it my refreshing youthful perspective if you like, but I kinda just see without thinking "I like this part and this part so I hafta remember that particular thing and go blind until I find the perfect one because I get too picky to see the whole picture." So I just look, go "no" or "yes", and then move on. Simple, and it's gonna save us hours and then we can have the ice cream you promised us before we go to the qualifications."

Roy took the tuxedo from him and looked it up and down. He had to say that Ed had a point about how the whole uniform thing would create a kind of barrier between guardian and ward in that sort of setting. And he had a strange feeling that Ed had developed a good eye for body shapes because of his heightened senses, although he seemed unaware of it. "You certainly have this all planned out..."

"Yeah, well, the deal was for me to be polite and then I kinda forgot that long enough to swear at that guy, so I'm at least trying to fulfil the part about being on my best behaviour. So I'm gonna change now and you two see how those work." Then he turned on his heel and walked off.

Roy could tell that the boy was actually trying to make things just a bit easier for him after what happened at the pool. He sighed and turned to Al. "What do you say, Alphonse, you ready to try it out?"

Ed held the door for Al so as to let him limp out of the private room where they had obviously just finished their qualifications round. Both boys were looking down, and Roy felt a slight stab of fear. It didn't look like they had qualified after all, which meant that Roy had basically given them a serious blow to their self-confidence. "Boys?"

"We didn't even make bottom ten," Ed said, looking defeated, his shoulders shaking.

Roy felt his heart sink and stood up.

"They made top three and are messing with you, Captain Mustang," came a woman's stern voice as she stepped into the doorway behind the Elrics. She was in her late fifties, a thin face, half-moon glasses and a dark grey bun at the back of her head. She wore a dark brown shirt and a knitted black polo sweater.

Then Ed began snickering, which quickly explained the shaking shoulders, and Al looked up, blushing profusely, the classic look of someone who had just received an embarrassing amount of praise.

Roy smiled slightly and walked over to shake the stranger's hand. He had met one of the other members of the jury as they arrived, but she had already been in the room before they came.

She had a thin smile on her mouth, like she normally didn't smile more than once every three months or so, as she gave Al and then Ed a pat on the shoulder each.

"Congratulations, boys," Roy told them, just as the stranger grabbed his hand hard.

"Congratulations indeed, Captain Mustang, I'm Irma Emsworth. The boys will be required to attend at the opening ceremony tomorrow at noon, the rest of the information will be announced then. All you need to know until then is on this," she said, handing him a leaflet. "Now I must make my leave, I have a deadline in four hours, have a good day, sir, boys." Then she released his hand and walked off, not seeming to realise that Riza was also in their quarry.

Roy acted unfazed. He had met plenty of eccentric people, and so this was nothing new. "We're free to leave, Butterfly," Ed told him. "They've already taken the pictures and the rest of the jury are now busy with preparing the tournament."

"Pictures?"

"Yeah, they use them for when they announce the opponents." He was looking happy, but nervous. "So, now it's psycho-parents and gala?"

It was Roy's turn to sigh. "Yes."

He had no idea where the next forty-five minutes had gone. He had bought the boys their second ice cream and driven all the way to the family estate and was now walking up the gravel path with his whole body on high alert. Riza was walking next to him, the Elrics behind him, Edward seeming to have gone with the "I'm scared and stressed so I'm being angry because everything is annoying" way of being. They were walking slowly as crutches and gravel weren't a very good mix, and Al still wasn't quite done with the after effects of blood loss.

Roy and Riza were carrying their luggage and newly bought tuxedos, and once they came up to the large front doors, Roy just leaned his left elbow on the door handle, pushing it down and then shoving it open with his back.

"Shouldn't you have knocked, sir?" Al asked quietly, looking pale with fear.

Roy sighed. "Didn't really feel like knocking on the door to my childhood home that I am now returning to more or less against my will." He stood back to let the three of them through. "Also, please call me Roy. I'm your guardian and I don't really want you two to feel like I'm your superior officer instead."

Al nodded, making his way past him. "Oh, thank you, Roy."

"Don't mention it."

Roy closed the door, glaring up at the top of the staircase as Ed and Alphonse looked through the room in a scared awe. "Mother, stop being so idiotic about grand entrances and just get down here!"

"Oh, Roy, you're here!" Mother said, appearing at the right side of the staircase from behind a wall, smiling. "And these must be the Elric brothers," she said delightedly, walking down the stairs in a long, peach-coloured dress that wasn't even going to be the one she'd wear for the gala. It was one of those that she wore to impress guests, not to look her best for the parties. And right now, she was trying to impress the Elrics and was very likely to act a lot less calculating and manipulative than usual.

Which was probably why she looked at Riza as of only just spotting her. "Oh, and there you are too, Riza, you're looking well."

"Thank you, Doctor Mustang, you too," Riza said. Roy had never told her just what happened to her father due to the fact that she would have lived with her father's killers for five years as their ward. Also, Roy had been terrified of losing her if she knew that Berthold had been killed simply to make sure that Roy never turned out like his parents. He had wanted to tell her so many times, but he had chickened out every time.

"H-hello, Doctor Mustang," Al said politely, although he was obviously still scared. "I'm Alphonse Elric, it's very nice to meet you."

Roy just watched in annoyance as his mother made her way down to them, smiling warmly in a way that was just an act.

"You too, Alphonse, you too. We'll get you your wheelchair in just a moment." Then she turned to look at Ed and Roy could see the slight frown as she realised that Edward was wearing leather trousers and boots. "Which makes you Edward. Well, I'm Doctor Augusta Ruth Mustang, and it's a pleasure to meet the two of you."

Ed shrugged and immediately got straight to business, namely his little brother's wellbeing. "Where's the wheelchair? Al's ankle is swelling up."

Mother did not seem to like Ed's lack of reverence. Or his plait. Yet she still kept her gracious façade. "If you would just wait a moment, then I'll have one of the maids get it." She was obviously dead set on impressing the two boys. To practically stun them with splendour.

And basically show them their place.

"Nah, it's quicker if I get it myself. So which way?" Ed said instead. "I'm good with following directions and I'm pretty quick."

Roy honestly wanted to laugh. His mother was looking so priceless in her attempts at keeping up appearances, but it seemed that everything about Edward Elric was an offence to her. Which was only made better by the fact that the fortune and estate were handed down to the oldest male heir. That meant that Ed was making one hell of a first impression and Roy was going to enjoy this, even if Al looked like his brother was continuously poking a sleeping lion.

"Very well, Edward, it's in the hallway down to the right, next to the cupboard," Mother said.

"Thanks, see ya!" Ed told her, running in the direction she had pointed out while she made her way over to the rest of them and smiled down at Al.

"So, Al, welcome to our home. You'll get to meet Richard too when he comes home from work in about twenty minutes."

"Oh, thanks," Al said shyly. "I'm sorry that Brother is acting so rudely, he's just very concerned about me after everything that's happened."

Roy decided to just get onto business. "We'll be staying here for about a month. Ed and Al have just qualified for The East Central Times Crosswords Tournament, and so Riza and me will be spending some time in the library."

Mother looked up to Roy at that, apparently slightly lost for words, so he decided to interrupt her further. "I'm the guardian of two boys whom I will never teach to be hunters, meaning that I will use the opportunity to make sure that I know as much as possible in order to protect them. Major Armstrong has already agreed to escort them, although me and Riza will follow them to the opening ceremony tomorrow."

"A crossword tournament?" she asked in confusion. "But aren't they too young for something like that?"

Roy sighed. "Not when they made it to the top three of the qualifications. They're prodigies and a couple of young geniuses, so if you try to either patronise them or treat Edward like a delinquent, then we'll be living in a hotel instead, got it? No treating them like a couple of hillbillies who don't know what a fork is just because they only ever needed three, namely regular, cake and steak. They may not be a couple of stuck-up kids who go to private schools with uniforms and chauffeurs, but they're dead smart and if you insult them or force them to do something that they're uncomfortable with, then we're leaving. They are MY wards, not yours, which means that I get to decide what they are allowed to. I decide the rules. And if Ed wants to not treat you like you're the goddess you think you are, then he'll get to do so. I would go as far as to say that it would do you some good to not be treated like some almighty being for once."

Mother looked like Roy had punched her, gravely insulted her, embarrassed her, and like she wanted to draw her sword and fight him.

Ed, like the genius he was, came back into the entrance hall with the wheelchair, grinning. "Here, Al! I grabbed a couple of pillows for extra padding too!"

Roy had to say that Ed's way of thinking was a good one. By not acting timid and scared, he seemed a lot more innocent and harder to recognise as a vampire. If his parents saw him as an annoying brat, then that was good.

And so Mother stood back with her expression stony, now that the brothers couldn't see her face, and Roy stepped over to her, dragging her by the arm into the adjacent room, knowing that it wouldn't matter to Ed because he'd hear it anyway, meaning that Roy was damn well going to stand up for him. And so he glared down at her. He always enjoyed being about ten centimetres taller than her. It gave him a sense of power that he lacked during the first half of his adolescence. But now he was the one in charge.

She only glared at him, whispering. "Roy, you really shouldn't talk like that in front of the boys! Edward is obviously already emulating you and it is going to make it very hard for him to make friends and not to mention listen to his teachers! It's not good for him to just run around wildly like that. It's appalling and he'll get into deep trouble before long. Imagine if he began talking like that to the Führer!"

Roy felt like slapping her. "Mother, I would like to inform you that the one behaving appallingly is yourself. Those boys have spent their entire lives in the countryside. They have never worn tuxedos and last time they wore suits was when their mother was buried seven years ago! Their father ran out of them shortly before that, meaning that they watched their mother as she lay dying with a broken heart! Which again caused Edward to instinctively feel like he needed to take extra care of Alphonse as his big brother, meaning that the boy had to grow up far too early! And then a week ago, their entire life was uprooted as everyone they knew were slaughtered and I was barely there in time to stop him from being made into another lunchbox! And then what's your first move upon greeting them? You slam all the shit they've been through right in their face by trying to intimidate them by your riches! Their first impression of you is a woman who is an inconsiderate bitch who doesn't possess a shred of human decency or empathy and that you look down at them for being born in a place that they loved and then watched being burned to the ground. You welcome them to your home by telling them that they have no place here! So your idea of parenting and teaching them manners is pure idiocy as they are both grieving, scared, thrown in a completely new environment and Edward is therefore trying to be brave for his little brother! He's not a criminal and of course he won't be disrespectful towards the Führer! You made him awkward and was disrespectful towards him and his brother while trying to scare them by throwing their grief and trauma right in their faces, so he decided that showing you the respect that you wanted and frankly didn't deserve was out of the question."

She looked at him, taking in his statement, but then took a step back, her anger receding. "I suppose that you're right, Roy. I should have taken their background into account. But you're still going to have to teach them the behaviour expected of them now that they'll be a part of this family, because you do not look like you're planning to let go of them anytime soon."

Roy sighed. "I'm not."

She looked down. "What made you change your mind? Why would you suddenly take in a pair of boys like that? This isn't the first time you've met raid survivors. What is it that is so special about those two? You hardly even got to talk to Edward, and you hadn't even met Alphonse before you decided to request guardianship." Roy recognised some of that rare piece of something like kindness that was buried deep within her. But he couldn't quite place it. She had been hurt by what had happened when it was made clear that the Mustang "empire" would die with Roy. And it seemed like she was genuinely curious just as to why her son would take such an interest in the Elrics.

Roy sighed. "Because at first when Edward was scared out of his wits and thought that I was just another vampire and that Al was dead, all he did was to apologise to his little brother and whisper how he loved him. He was hardly scared of dying himself, but he was devastated by the fact that he failed to protect the only family he had left," Roy told her. He knew he was tweaking the facts a bit, but it wasn't too far off and it was close enough to the truth so as not to seem like a lie.

"He reminded you too much of yourself and Riza," Mother said.

"Yes. Now if you wouldn't mind, I have a couple of wards to take care of," he told her and left.

Only run into the room in fury at the sight of his father holding Edward up by his plait, obviously already having pulled off his black jacket. Dick was looking sternly at the young boy, Alphonse and Riza nowhere in sight.

Ed tried to act unfazed when he smelled the wool paired with the sound of crunching gravel from outside. He was slightly touched that Mustang was standing up for him like that. Riza had taken Al to the toilets, meaning that Ed was standing in this giant entrance hall with no clue about where to go. He had declined to join Al and Riza because he had been too interested in hearing just what Mustang was saying about him. So instead he had offered to tell the two people in the neighbouring room where Al and Riza had gone should they return before Al and Riza did.

He felt awkward, though. Awkward as hell. And now General Dick was getting too close for Ed to run away unnoticed.

And he had no clue what to do because Dick was supposed to be even scarier than Augusta.

And Ed was meeting him alone and supposed to act like he didn't know he was coming.

Then the door was opened.

...Fuck, he's scary.

The man glared at him and the scars across his face weren't exactly comforting and his hand was on his sword hilt and Ed's brain stopped working in terror. The man's hair seemed to have been too terrified to turn grey too soon, so it was still dark grey despite him being fifty-nine.

Ed was left in no doubt that this was the reason that Richard Mustang was the most feared State Hunter in Amestris. He looked as if he could slay vampires just by looking at them.

"Elric?" Dick asked sharply, silently telling him that if he was an intruder, then Ed was in for a lot of trouble. A hell of a lot.

Ed gulped and nodded. "Yes, sir. I'm Edward Elric."

"Where is Roy and your brother?" The man still hadn't moved from where he stood in the doorway, the door still open behind him. And he obviously only let the hand on the sword slacking its grip to give Ed a false sense of safety.

"Al needed a toilet break, so Riza offered to show him the way, sir. Roy is in the room next to us talking with his mother in private," Ed told him, not even questioning where his sudden show of politeness came from. It was an act of pure self preservation.

"I see." Then he took a couple of steps forwards, not looking away from Ed as he shut the door behind him, thankfully not holding onto the sword at all by now. Then he pulled off his right glove, extended his hand, holding it out for Ed to take.

And so Ed did.

"Lieutenant General Richard Mustang," he said, his handshake firm.

"It's nice to meet you, sir," Ed said.

"Likewise, Edward, but your hair is too long," Dick said, pulling his hand back. He had a demeanour that made him seem four metres tall without doing anything.

"It is?"

Dick walked forwards, suddenly grabbing onto his plait, pulling it enough for it to hurt, but Ed was too intimidated to even yelp as his head was pulled forwards. "You see how much of a weak point it is, boy? If you're under attack and you leave everything to be sorted out by my son, then you shouldn't make matters worse by giving them a large handle at the back of your head. It leaves you vulnerable and you're practically inviting them to pull it, see?" And then Ed was lifted from his feet by his plait, still too frozen by the man's intimidating aura, even if it stung like hell.

"P-please put me down, sir," Ed asked, panicking.

Dick wasn't done. "This also makes it damn easy for them to do this," he said, making Ed believe that he was about to get the hardest punch to his stomach in his lifetime, but the man stopped just as he was about to hit him, and instead bumped his knuckles against Ed's stomach, his eyes widening, and next second, Ed had the man poke his abs and chest, before pulling off his jacket, revealing his muscular arms, and he began feeling them, sizing him up. "So you're not a complete weakling, then..." he commented, still not letting go of him, but instead shaking him once, making him gasp and work frantically against every instinct he had to start clawing at the arm above him to get the pressure and stinging to stop before his hair was ripped off. He was panicking. "You see why this has to go, boy?!"

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" came Roy's voice. Ed hadn't even noticed him coming, his panic and pain taking over for him to listen to his sharpened senses.

But he still felt a wave of relief at the prospect of being freed from Dick's iron grip.

"I'm showing your ward the reason he needs a haircut!" Dick said sharply.

Next second came the quickest running steps Ed had ever heard as he suddenly found himself dropped to the floor, winding him. He looked up, clutching his sore and stinging head, to find Roy standing there with a sword that he had probably taken from the ones hanging on the wall, pressing it against the one Dick was holding, both Mustangs glaring at each other furiously.

"I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE THEM ALONE, YOU BASTARD!" Roy shouted.

"I TOLD HIM ONE SIMPLE THING ABOUT BASIC SURVIVAL STRATEGY SO THAT AT LEAST HE WON'T GET YOU TWO KILLED BECAUSE HE CARES MORE ABOUT HIS HAIR!"

Ed was beginning to realise just how fearless Roy was as he didn't seem intimidated one bit as he glared into his father's eyes.

Then everything just became crazy as the two men began a sword fight for real for the next ten minutes, using the entire entrance hall for their fierce battle, some very near misses that made Ed tense up happening every twenty seconds or so. They weren't fighting as if they were training, they were fighting like they were trying to kill each other.

Then Dick managed to flip Roy's sword out of his hands, sending it sliding down the floor, before swiftly slamming the hilt into Roy's stomach, winding him and then tripping him by hooking his leg under Roy's knee, making him land flat on his back, Dick now pointing his sword at his son's throat.

"You happy now?" Roy said, glaring at his father, lying on the floor casually like he didn't have a sword almost cutting through the skin on his throat.

"You let me win," Dick growled. "Consider yourself lucky that I went easy on you."

"Oh, you mean how you didn't break my rib this time because back then I was trying to make the match end quickly because I wasn't in the mood seeing as how I had a fever?" Roy asked snidely.

"Would have served you right. You're already letting those boys distract you when fighting." He then put the sword back in its scabbard. "But we don't have time for you to need a doctor, the party is in two hours." Then he walked over to Alphonse to shake his hand while Roy ran over to Ed, placing a hand on his shoulder where Ed was still lying on the floor in shock and fear of triggering another reaction like that from Dick.

"I'm sorry, Edward, I didn't expect him to do that as the first thing he did. He wasn't supposed to be there for another five minutes from now."

Ed decided to keep rubbing his head with a grimace, even if it had stopped hurting within a minute of being released, just to keep up appearances. "What the hell was all that about anyways?"

"I forgot to mention that Dick usually initialises a sword fight every time I come here so as to make sure that I'm not getting out of practice." He began helping Ed to his feet.

"What the hell?" Ed just stared at him. "Why do you put up with it?"

"Well, right now it was a distraction tactic so as to make him release you quickly as possible because he was already drawing his sword in order to cut off your plait and fringe."

"You began fighting your father with a sword to distract him from cutting my hair?" Ed asked incredulously.

"Yes. And I won't let him do anything like that again. If it should happen, then we're leaving, no questions asked," Roy told him, picking his jacket up from the floor, helping Ed back into it.

"What's he coming back for?" Ed asked, looking as the psycho walked back towards them, Augusta now speaking with his little brother and Riza.

"If he knows what's good for him, it's an apology," Roy growled.

"He doesn't look like it..." Ed couldn't help the way he began clutching his plait protectively.

Roy was about to reply, but Dick began speaking. "Roy, you know full well that the kid can't have hair that long. It's going to get him killed and you can't deny it."

"Then why the hell is your wife's hair just as long as mine?" Ed demanded angrily. He felt a lot braver when he had a protector who could use a sword next to him.

Dick growled at him. "Roy, you haven't even told him?"

"I didn't really see the need, Dick." Roy's tone was stone cold.

Dick just glared down at Ed. "Well, to answer your so ineloquently put question, Augusta has incorporated it into her fighting style in a way that makes it into a piece of bait for her opponents. She has taught Riza to fight the same way. Seeing as how Roy is adamant that you should not learn to fight, then it goes from an asset to a liability. You try to turn away quickly and run with that thing down your back, and you're practically telling them to grab it and yank you back so that they can rip your throat out instead." Then he scoffed. "Oh, that's true, you should probably get a definition of the word "ineloquently" so that you'll learn to talk in the way you should, you see-" he began.

"-It's the antonym of the word "eloquently", which is the adverb based on the adjective "eloquent." Which means that you find my way of speaking to be the opposite of such fine adjectives as persuasive, expressive, articulate, fluent, strong, forceful, powerful, potent, well spoken, silver-tongued, smooth-tongued, well expressed, graceful, lucid, vivid, effective and graphic, just to provide you with a few synonyms to show you the scope of my comprehension of the word "eloquent", and thus its antonym "ineloquent" and the adverb "ineloquently", as you seemed to doubt my familiarity with the word," Ed told him, crossing his arms.

Dick stared at him, just as Roy began chuckling. "Basically, Dick, you do not mess with one half of the team that just came third during qualifications for The East Central Crosswords Tournament." Then his voice turned deadly. "And you do not get to touch either of my wards, do you get me?"

Dick sighed. "You damned softie," he said, turning around, walking away. "He better have cleaned and dried that plait properly before the guests arrive. Your uniform better be in order too, Roy."

"My tuxedo is just fine, Dick," Roy said, and Ed couldn't help the smirk as the psycho paused and turned around to look at him.

"Roy Mustang, everyone is expecting you to wear your uniform! It's a social function with the Führer!"

Roy was obviously completely unfazed. "Yes, but my wards are going to their first social function with the Führer and not having their guardian drown in a sea of other uniformed officers to give them some sense of belonging in all that chaos isn't such a bad idea. Now shut up, I'm showing Ed to the bathroom so that he can wash his hair as soon as possible, so kindly piss off until we absolutely need to engage in another fruitless conversation."

And so Roy grabbed a couple of suitcases and led Ed through the entrance hall and over to his little brother, before handing Ed the suitcases and lifting Al in his arms to carry him up the stairs as Riza took the wheelchair.

Once Roy was placing Al back into the wheelchair, Ed looked up at the visibly annoyed man. "How the hell did you survive this place for eighteen years?"

At that, Roy reached out and pulled Riza into a sideways hug. "I had a little sibling. They do wonders for your sanity."