The next chapter! This time, we'll see the last chapters from Tony's POV! And it should answer a few questions that might have appeared in earlier chapters. I hope you like it, please let me know what you think! I wrote this quite spontaneously, thinking that it might be nice to see Tony's thoughts again. As always, thanks to everyone who read the last chapter and left a review! You're awesome!

I don't own the characters or places!

Tony

"I have one more question, if that's alright. Just out of personal interest, it won't appear in any article I write." McMurtry said suddenly and I exchanged a look with Obi. I could see the tension in his shoulders and felt uncomfortable myself. However, it would be impolite to say no now.

"Of course." I replied and hoped that it sounded calm. A glance at Pepper told me that I failed.

"I'm sure you know that I knew your father." McMurtry started and I already knew what he wanted to say now. Was it too late to throw him out now?

"Yes, I do." I tried to stay calm, but couldn't stop the frown that appeared on my face. "And what do you want to ask? Everything about him is long in the past." And I never wanted to hear of it again.

"That's what you tell everyone." McMurtry agreed. "But I've been wondering if this is really true. Of course you've stopped producing weapons and have changed the entire structure of the company. You've turned Howard's dream upside down by doing this, I have to add. But don't you still feel like you stand in his shadow, Mr. Stark? After all, he made you famous. And not yourself. You got the company after his death."

At his words, I began to feel sick. Now I knew that I should have thrown him out right after the interview. Did I feel like I was standing in the shadow of my father? I did for years after I got the company. But ever since I started to do clean energy, things had changed. I did what I wanted and no one could tell me what to do anymore. I still hated it when my father was mentioned, but next to that, I never thought of him.

For a few seconds, we all stared at him silently. McMurtry smiled. "I'm sorry, but I just had to ask. I've always been curious about you, Mr. Stark. Especially since you started to produce clean energy. And then I got this opportunity to talk to you..." He shrugged. "Are you trying to make amends for all the lives your weapons have taken? You must be responsible for the deaths of thousands of people."

I stared at McMurtry. Why didn't I also expect him to mention the weapons? Every conversation about my father also turned to this. Stark Industries, the biggest and best producer of weapons. Responsible for the deaths of thousands of people. Something no one could ever forget. Something I couldn't forget. Even now, years later, the lives I've taken were still haunting me in my sleep. I didn't kill them personally, of course. But my weapons did, the things I built. The things I've been proud of. That wasn't much better than killing someone by yourself. I made so much violence possible. Now I really started to feel sick.

"I think that were enough questions for one day." Obadiah said loudly and stood up. I barely noticed his voice. The guilt I've been trying to suppress for years came crashing down on me again. Just like last time, right after the presentation of the new reactor... "I think it's time for you to leave. After all, you have to write an article, Mr. McMurtry."

"True words." McMurtry said and stood up slowly. He was still looking at me, I knew that. But I ignored it. I also didn't say anything again. I could also feel Pepper's worried look on me.

"If your last questions appear in that article, it will never be published." I heard Obadiah whisper when they started to walk towards the door.

"I know. That's why I asked them after the interview. As I said, I'm curious." McMurtry said and then I couldn't hear their conversation any longer since Obadiah closed the door behind them.

When the door closed behind them, I kept staring at it darkly. I could hear Pepper standing up and then she was kneeling down next to me, but I didn't turn to her. I was afraid of what she might see in my eyes if I looked at her now. What must she think of me now? She knew about the weapons, but maybe now she'd realize that I was a murderer? And then she'd leave me...

"Tony?" Her hesitant voice interrupted my thoughts. "Are you alright?"

I took another deep breath before I turned to her and nodded. "Everything's fine." I muttered weakly and knew that she wouldn't be convinced.

"No, it's not." She replied and her voice was incredible soft. She reached out hesitantly to touch my hands, nearly as if she was afraid of me. No surprise that she'd hesitate now, not after what she just heard. "Don't listen to him, please. It's not true."

"What do you mean?" I asked slowly, still trying to control my anger. But at the same time, I was surprised. She didn't believe the things he said? Actually, I wanted to end this conversation right before it started, but now I needed to know her thoughts. "That I'm a murderer?" I laughed dryly. "That's true, Pep. And it still haunts me in my sleep, even after all those years."

She opened her mouth to say something, but I was faster. "It's all true. I've got everything just because of my father. And I can't stand it! He's still controlling my life, even after all those years!" I removed my hands from hers carefully, afraid that she might flinch away or that I could hurt her.

Then I jumped to my feet abruptly and she flinched at this sudden movement. I started to feel guilty immediately because I didn't want to scare her, but I was still so angry. Why did all those things have to come back? Why couldn't I live my life in peace without the ghosts of the past haunting me? "I just can't get rid of him!" I shouted and began to walk around. Pepper was watching me silently. "I'll never have peace! I tried so hard to ignore all this, but it always comes back!" I kept shouting, not caring if anyone else heard me in this moment. I just couldn't stand all this. The guilt. The fear of going to sleep because of the nightmares. Ever since I was with Pepper, I could sleep peacefully. But I just knew that they would come back now. The fear that the person I loved most might hate me now.

Suddenly, Pepper was standing right in front of me, preventing me from walking through the room any longer. "Stop this!" She said quietly, but I could hear the determination in her voice. "Tony, you have to calm down. You're wrong about all this. Everything you are and did, it's all from your own work. And not your father. You've made yourself famous because you're just brilliant." Could she really mean those words or did she just want me to stop shouting? I could see the honesty in her eyes, but how long would she believe this? That I was a good person?

I shook my head. "I'm sorry, but I need to be alone for some time." I couldn't stand hearing more questions about this now. Or seeing her face when she finally realized that she'd chosen the wrong man. I resisted the urge to hide my face in her neck and ran out of the office, not looking back once.

Luckily, I'd taken my own car to go to work. A long drive with Happy would have driven me crazy now. It was true, I really needed to be alone. And I had to forget everything about this interview. I was probably driving too fast and the music in the car was too loud, but I didn't care. It helped me to keep the dark thoughts away.

However, it didn't work completely. I kept thinking about my dad and the weapons. All the pain I've caused others. And of course there was Pepper's expression right before I left the office. She'd tried to calm me down, but I'd just pushed her away. Afraid of her reaction if I was being completely honest with her.

I knew that I would have to tell her the whole story one day. How easy it had been at first. I was brilliant and producing new weapons was an easy task for me. I was even better than my father. The weapons were more effective and we could get even more money with them. Everyone wanted the things I built. Everything was fine in my life. I was rich, brilliant and happy. Or at least that's what I thought.

Because slowly, something was building up inside me. And those were doubts. I didn't recognize them at first, but then the guilt came when I heard of wars and conflicts where my weapons were involved. For the first time, I felt responsible for all those deaths. With every new article in the papers or report I saw, the guilt was getting stronger. What made it even worse was my popularity. Of course many people hated me for producing weapons, but there were also many people who liked me. I was a popular murderer. Even if I was feeling worse with every passing day, everything else in my life seemed to be fine.

Until, one day, I couldn't stand it anymore. I broke down.

First, it had been a normal day. I'd been in my lab, working on a new missile. The speakers had played AC/DC, as usual. I was just thinking of a way to make the missile even faster when something inside of me broke. The screwdriver landed on the floor, but I could barely hear the sound above the music.

Then I sank to my knees and just like this, I couldn't continue working. In the past months, reporters had sent me photographs. Lots of them. Faces of people who'd died because of me. People I killed. Now I saw all those faces in my mind. And the images wouldn't stop. Together with all the hateful comments I kept getting.

Later, I couldn't tell anymore how long I just sat there and cried. It was Rhodey who found me. He tried to snap me out of it, but I just couldn't react. I knew that he was there, but I didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore. I just wanted all this pain to end. Did I think of ending my own life in that moment when the pain and guilt became overwhelming? Maybe. Of course I loved my life and I always wanted to live, but in that moment, it seemed pointless. If I carried on, I would continue hurting others. With each day, the guilt would become stronger.

When he realized that talking to me wouldn't help, Rhodey called Obadiah. In the end, they had to get me into the shower and start the cold water to get me out of my numbness. By that time, they were both sick with worry and even considered calling an ambulance.

I didn't talk to them after this. At least not for many days. When I finally did, I could see the relief in their eyes. Of course they'd noticed how difficult everything was for me months before the breakdown. They just didn't dare to mention it, out of fear that it would cause me to freak out. The breakdown came either way, just later. And when I was alone, which was better and worse at the same time.

In those silent days, I made a decision. I talked to Obadiah and he agreed that things had to change. The next day, there was a press conference. Tony Stark wanted to stop producing weapons. Instead, Stark Industries would be changed and do clean energy from now on. The change would take place immediately.

The press was shocked, just like all our partners in the business. However, I didn't care. Obadiah dealt with all the changes in the company while I locked myself in the lab again. This time, I had a goal.

It was surprisingly easy to build the arc reactor. And I enjoyed it immensely. Only then I realized that building weapons hadn't satisfied me anymore in the past months. Now my life had a different purpose. Making the world a better place.

Of course I would still be a murderer and the guilt might never vanish completely, but I could try to make the world a better place from now on. That's the only thing I kept thinking about from that moment on.

I deleted most of the articles about my father and the weapons from the internet and hoped that no one would mention them again. After some time, the reporters really stopped asking. They'd accepted our now policy and Stark Industries became famous because of the clean energy. It seemed like the weapons were forgotten.

Only a few reporters remembered the dark past of SI and kept asking questions on several occasions. Like the man a few weeks ago. Or McMurtry. Even if I was doing fine otherwise, those questions kept causing flashbacks. The guilt would return with full force and I would nearly lose my mind. Normally, only two things helped. Alcohol and women. The things that helped me forget everything most of the time.

However, the last time I tried alcohol, it nearly ended in disaster. Because of Pepper.

Pepper, of whom I'd run away just now.

This thought took me back to reality.

I realized that I'd nearly reached Malibu. But what would I do then? Lock myself in the lab and keep working on something new to forget everything? That would work for a while, but not that long. I'd tried it a few times and it always ended in another breakdown. Not as bad as the first one years ago, but it wasn't nice either way.

Right now, I missed Pepper like crazy and regretted leaving her. Was I ready to tell her the truth about my past? Maybe it was time to do so. Especially since I didn't want to lose her. And she would leave if I wasn't honest. I knew that I couldn't keep going like this forever.

"JARVIS, call Rhodey." I needed to talk to my best friend. However, I couldn't do it on the phone.

"Hey Tony, what's up?" Rhodey answered the call after the second ring.

"Will you be busy this evening?" I asked shortly, hoping that he wouldn't notice my bad mood.

"What happened?" Now his voice sounded alarmed. Of course he'd noticed it immediately.

"Nothing." I lied automatically and cursed inwardly. That's not how I wanted to do this. "Well, or yes, something happened. I just don't want to talk about it right now."

"Is everything fine with Pepper?" Now he sounded rather worried.

"Yes, she's fine. We're fine." At least that's what I hoped.

"So what's this about?" He was silent for a few moments. "Or did that interview go wrong? You told me about it a few days ago. With this reporter from one of the big papers." Sometimes, I hated that he would remember almost everything I told him.

"I just need to talk to someone. And maybe I need to forget everything for a while." Could I really start drinking again? I doubted it. After all, Pepper's reaction the last time also wouldn't leave my mind. She would leave me again if I kept drinking, I knew that. I didn't know the reason why she hated it so much, but I made a mental note to find out.

"Tony, are you sure?" I could hear his doubts about all this.

"Of course. It will be fun. Same place as last time? Then I'll see you at eight. I need to go, bye Rhodey." Before he could reply, I ended the call.

During our conversation, I'd arrived at home. I nearly ran to the lab.

"So what's this all about?" Rhodey raised his eyebrows. "What happened?"

I crossed my arms. "Somehow, I have the feeling that you already know the answer to that question. Did you talk to Pepper?" When I said her name, my heart started to beat faster. It always did, but this time I was rather nervous. Maybe she'd already told Rhodey that she didn't want all this anymore?

"I did. And you really shouldn't listen to that man. He knows nothing about you." He sounded serious now. "Pepper was really hurt when you just ran away."

I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. "I know. I just couldn't stay there, Rhodey." I wanted to continue talking, but at the other end of the bar, a group of women started to scream because of something. We both glanced at them and noticed that they were heading towards the dancefloor. One of them even asked if the music could be even louder than it already was. Suddenly, I regretted coming here this evening. It was far too crowded and I could only see drunk people. Like really drunk.

"You should talk to her. Tell her everything. I think it would make everything easier for both of you." He narrowed his eyes when I didn't answer immediately. "What's wrong?"

I sighed. "I'm afraid of her reaction." I admitted. "You know what I've done in the past."

"You didn't do anything." Rhodey corrected me firmly. We had this discussion far too often in the past years. Well, or we didn't have it anymore. The last years, I'd refused to talk about this at all. I'd preferred drinking too much to avoid that subject. So I wasn't surprised to see astonishment on Rhodey's face.

"I made it possible." I muttered. "Doesn't make me much better than the people who did it in the end."

"How many times did I tell you that you're wrong about this?" He asked calmly.

"Dozens of times."

"And I will gladly repeat it. You're not a bad person, Tony. And you're not a murderer, even if you might feel like it. Which is completely stupid, I have to add. You're the best man I know." At the last words, he smiled slightly.

"I'm not sure, Rhodey."

"I bet Pepper will agree with me." He added.

"And if she doesn't?" I hated that I sounded this desperate now. "I don't know what I should do without her."

"Then talk to her. It will make everything better." He sounded so convinced about this.

I narrowed my eyes. "There's something else you didn't tell me."

He tried to look innocent now. "I don't know what you mean."

"You told her we'd be here now, didn't you?"

The short flicker of his smile gave him away. I groaned. "Really, Rhodey? Why did you do that?"

"She insisted on it. She really wants to talk to you, Tony. She's worried."

I closed my eyes for a few moments. "Alright." I muttered in the end. When she was already on her way, I couldn't change it anyway. "I'll get us something to drink." I stood up from our small table and moved through the room. On my way, one of the women tried to flirt with me, but I just ignored her. Even if I wouldn't have been in such a bad mood, I would have ignored her. There was only one woman for me.

When she wouldn't stop harassing me, I turned around and sighed. I hoped that my bored expression was enough to make her go away again. Apparently, it wasn't. As soon as I turned to her, she pushed me against the next table with so much force that I nearly stumbled. Damn, that woman was strong! Then she wrapped her arms around my shoulders and kissed me.

For a few moments, I was frozen in shock. When I'd stumbled, I'd gotten hold of her waist automatically. Now I pushed her away. When I looked up, my gaze fell on a pair of far too familiar eyes in the crowd.

Pepper was staring directly at me, her eyes wide and her face paler than I'd ever seen it. I stared back at her, but before I could move, she'd turned around and left the bar again. In this moment, my heart broke and panic coursed through my body. I knew immediately how this must have looked to her.

I pushed the woman aside and ran to the entrance door. Rhodey had also understood the scene immediately and he joined me on the street. I looked around hectically, but Pepper was nowhere to be seen.

"Where did she go?" Rhodey asked, also sounding worried now.

"I don't know!" I shouted and ran to the left, towards the beach. Rhodey followed me as fast as possible.

It took us far too long to realize that she wasn't anywhere near that bar. When we finally arrived at her flat, she was already gone. I tried to call Pepper several times, but she wouldn't answer her phone. And at some point, she just turned if off completely.

I felt sick, the whole world was turning around me and I felt like I'd get another panic attack soon. Rhodey tried to calm me down, but I wouldn't listen to him. We decided to wait in her flat, but she didn't show up. Only later I had the idea to tell JARVIS to look for her. And what he told me made me curse loudly.

"She's heading back to Griffin!" I shouted and resisted the urge to smash the object closest to me. I bet Pepper wouldn't be happy if I destroyed half her furniture while she was gone. "JARVIS, tell everyone to get the jet ready. I have to leave as soon as possible."

"Tony..." Rhodey placed his hand on my arm, but I shook it off.

"She won't come back, Rhodey! Not after this." I was breathing very fast now, trying to control my panic. "Her ex cheated on her. And this looked exactly the same! And she won't listen to me on the phone."

Rhodey nodded slowly. "I'll try to talk to her. If she answers one of my calls, I'll tell her everything."

When I hugged Rhodey tightly, he gasped in surprise. "You're the best, Rhodey. Thank you."

"Don't thank me just now."

"Sir, Mr. Hogan has arrived and is ready to take you to the airport." JARVIS announced and before Rhodey could say anything else, I'd turned around and left that flat.

I just hoped that I wouldn't be too late.