This Is Me Trying

by Some11995

Inspired by TSwifts new album - but also my own theory of how Elliot will return. Reference to S19E1 where Elliot is who secretly helped Fin bring in a suspect from Havana. Angst and fluff mixture, hopefully will live up to my vision. Hard M beginning chapter 10.

12. Chapter 12

A/N: Tried to write a long juicy chapter for the weekend I hope I did this justice, more hard M a little more angst, some David Haden (my second favorite Olivia ship) If you like this story please review it makes it so much more fun to write and if you have any advice or would like to give me a direction for how to do the next chapters please let me know! Appreciate y'all and hope you enjoy!

He turned and gave her a sideways smile, "I will." And with that she was gone, back inside her new life. He continued down the hallway, lighter than he had been the first time he graced her doorstep. His fingers pushed inside his coat pockets as he opted for the stairs instead of the elevator needing to burn off the excess energy he was storing. As the brisk night air hit his lips, he remembered how hers had felt against his as he whispered his long known secrete. He loved her, and he would remind her of it every day.

Olivia's back slid down the door, she could see the TV was on, Lucy was nowhere to be seen though. Her fingers automatically found her lips as she recalled the warmth his kiss had brought to them. She couldn't think of a better way to spend a night off, and she was hoping there would be many more like it in the near future.

"Hey Liv! How was your night?" Lucy chimed cheerfully as she came around the corner form the bathroom.

"It was great, much needed in all this chaos. Thank you so much for staying over with Noah"

"No problem at all, we had a lot of fun. He got a shower and went down about an hour ago." Lucy began collecting her things to head out, Olivia walking with her to the door.

"Thanks again Lucy, I really appreciate it as always."

Lucy smiled, "Anything if it means you're getting back on the market again!" Before Olivia could respond, Lucy gave a slight wave and was out the door and down the hall. Olivia closed the door again, she could feel her heart flutter as the reality of their situation hit her in waves. They'd finally crossed the line she'd always drawn in the sand, the line that was drawn by his marriage, then their partnership, then his marriage again. There'd been a brief time somewhere in the middle of their partnership that the marriage hadn't been the line anymore, it had become the thin veiled partnership line. That line had been easy to dance on, almost across, several times. Once Oregon and Dani Beck happened, then Eli, it was again the hard line of marriage, but for those brief months they skated around the idea. Olivia had lost more sleep in that time of their partnership than any other. She'd imagined them together more time than she could count, she noticed his eyes drawn to her body more, his hands finding excuses to lightly touch her back and arms, and she'd done the same. The odd thing was once that line was crossed it was nearly impossible to go back. They'd never gone fully back to never touching, or talking, or looking, they simply pretended the touches were accidental as were the looks and the times things got too personal they were just being friends. When Elliot had left, Olivia had believed that maybe she had read too far into their longing looks, but now her analysis was confirmed. He'd wanted her the whole time. She lay back on the couch, feeling like she was floating on air.

She knew it was best they took it slow, though she wasn't sure tonight could really be considered slow. So much had unfolded in the short few hours she was with him. She could still feel his tongue on her most intimate area, touching, tasting, making her feel things she'd never felt. She could still taste him in her mouth despite all the sushi and beer. Slowly she migrated to her bedroom, just after checking on Noah's peacefully sleeping form. She thought of skipping the shower tonight, but decided she better or she'd be met with the intoxicating smell of him to keep her up all night. She decided a bath might be better for her relaxation instead, so she slid beneath the bubbles and began reanalyzing every moment of their time together. Just as she moved to the time his tongue had slid between her folds, her cell vibrated from the ledge on the bathtub.

"I made it home safely." He typed upon reentering his apartment. He could still smell her, her lack of presence left a small hole in his heart and his apartment felt much emptier than it had before she'd crossed that threshold. He reclined on the couch, the same area he'd laid her back when she was desperate for his touch. Elliot felt like if he squeezed his eyes shut tight enough he could still feel her body on top of him, her mouth over him, on him. Vibration of his phone against the wooden coffee table alerted him to her reply.

"I'm glad. Thanks again for tonight." She replied still soaking in her tub. Her heart hadn't felt this light before, her mind was reminding her of his touch in waves. She would give anything to have him in this tub with her right now, her head gently placed against his chest with his powerful thighs wrapped around her as he cradled her- another vibration drew her from her thought. Immediately she assumed it was Elliot again, but another long forgotten number flashed on the screen

"Hey Liv, I'll be in town this week and wanted to see if you were free for a drink – David" Her heart dropped. She had heard from David Haden a couple times over the past few years, and if he was passing through and she was single she'd typically accept the offer, but this was new territory for her. Quickly she dried off, realizing her bath would not longer be relaxing. Olivia wrapped herself tightly in her robe before getting ready for bed.

Elliot sat waiting her reply to his previous message of, "Thanks for letting me see you again. I hope I get to see you again tomorrow night?" He felt a little ridiculous asking her out for a second date with less than 24 hours between the two, but he couldn't get over the void she left in his life. He wasn't used to needing someone's presence, though he always had craved hers, he never felt so much desperation. It felt like the air in the room had been sucked out while he waited. He was also desperately hoping she wasn't overthinking and regretting what had happened between them, he wanted to reassure her that he was all in when it came to her.

Olivia took her time washing her face and moisturizing. She was running over possible scenarios in her mind trying to decide how to handle not only Elliot, but now David. She'd been extremely fond of David when they dated, though part of that she had come to believe was projection from Elliot's abandonment. She always cared for David and her chest had ached when he'd broken things off. They'd had a few booty calls here and there before Lewis, but she had also become good friends with him. He'd sent her flowers when she was in the hospital after Lewis and had checked in to make sure she was okay. He'd been through town a couple times since, but they hadn't gone further than one drunken make out right after Ed and her had ended. She'd enjoyed the company and feeling wanted, but hadn't been ready to explain the scars again. She toyed with the idea of seeing him again, of playing the field, but that was before Elliot bulldozed back into her life. Considering how she felt about Elliot she considered giving David the send off, telling him she was seeing someone so he would fully back off. But, another stronger force was telling her to stop falling back into the same patterns she had when she and Elliot were partners. He dictated who she saw, when she saw them, and for how long she saw them while they were partners, even if it wasn't a conscious effort. She had let him control every aspect of her dating life, and now that he was back she'd made a promise to herself that he wouldn't take up more of her life especially after only four days. She sighed; all David was asking for was a drink, what's the harm in that? She clicked the message icon with David's name and sent a quick reply, "I can do tomorrow night around 8?"

"Perfect, meet at our usual place?" She smiled at the quick reply.

"See you there." Though she was less than interested in David now that Elliot was back, she felt the need to prove that he didn't get to dictate her life still. If she wanted to go have a drink with her old friend then she could. She refused to drop everything no matter how much her heart, mind, and body were begging her to. Old friend, she toyed with the word, rolled it in her mouth, that's what she'd tell Elliot. It wasn't a total lie, he was a friend, and he was from her past, he just didn't know she'd also dated and slept with him.

She clicked Elliot's last message, asking her out for a second night in a row. "I can't tomorrow, getting drinks with an old friend."

Elliot tried not to let the message bruise his ego or his heart, but it did just the same. He'd fully believed that after the night they'd had she would want to see him just as soon as he'd wanted to see her. He could feel a sudden cloud of depression over him, his thoughts pulled from the happiness and bliss he'd just been in. He could feel her pulling away, even just from her already having plans. He tried not to read too much into the statement "old friend". He knew all her friends. Well he used to at least. Who could this old friend be that she was suddenly getting drinks with on a Friday night? He thought better than to ask her, figuring she would take it as an invasion of privacy and a breach of her thinly built trust in him. He opted for the safe response, "Okay, another night then. Have fun and be safe."

Olivia could feel the flood of questions he was holding back behind the two lines of text. She knew it was a little passive aggressive, but she was glad that she had other plans and let him sweat a little. She fully intended to go for one drink, catch up a bit, and be home in bed before 9:30, but he didn't need to know that. He also would most likely find out who and where she was having drinks with, just like he used to do with the guys she dated. She never quite knew how he figured it out. She didn't realize he even knew until once when she went to a show followed by a night cap and the bartender handed her the landline. It had been Elliot telling her they had a case and that her phone was still off from the show. It hadn't hit her until she was halfway to the crime scene that he'd figured out what bar she was at and called the bartender. She'd never asked him about it, but from then on she was extremely aware that he always knew the following day about the restaurant she'd been to.

"I will. Sleep tight, El." She signed before she plugged her phone in on her nightstand and drifted to sleep.

Elliot with an extremely conflicted heart, he lay in his bed tossing and turning before finally falling into a restless sleep.

Olivia's phone blared at 3:15am. Child kidnapping cases always seemed to happen at night now in New York. She staggered from the bed, calling Lucy while she got ready. She always felt terrible waking Lucy on nights like this, but it was necessary and she always paid her extra on nights like these. She slipped into her most comfortable slacks, the ones well worn and broken in from years of stretching, a flow-ey black blouse, her signature heels and opted for her new green leather jacket. It synched at her waist and flattered her curves; she knew she would have to do her hair and makeup before she left since there would likely be a press conference before the sun was in the sky. She decided curling it would be best for the media coverage and added a little more eyeliner and lipstick than she had donned the previous few days. Figuring she wouldn't make it back home before her scheduled drinks tonight, if this case allowed her to escape for a while, made her grab the little makeup bag she used for emergencies and packed it into her work bag.

Lucy arrived just as she packed up the few case files that were scattered across her apartment, yawning she waved as she headed for Olivia's spare bedroom. Lucy was more than used to the late nights and knew exactly how to make it to Olivia's and then sleep until Noah woke up. Olivia whispered a "thank you" as she slipped out into the night. She zipped the edges of her coat, reminding herself that the cold was only going to chill her bones until the sun rose, as she regretted her choice of a light jacket. She hadn't yet pulled her trench coats from storage and she was going to have to remember to do that sooner rather than later.

Arriving on the scene just before 5 am, she shifted into captain mode. She conducted follow up interviews as Amanda and Fin had been on the scene since the case broke. After an hour of investigation the TV crews were setting up. Olivia asked the mother to come on air with her to plead for her child and any leads.

"Good morning. I am Captain Olivia Benson with the Manhattan Special Victims Unit, at 2:54 this morning seven year old Bryce Harem was discovered missing. He was taken from his bed sometime between the hours of 11 pm and 2:50 am last night. We are looking for anyone who may have seen this little boy or who has any information as to his whereabouts. His mother, Nadia Harem would like to say a few words." Olivia stepped to the side.

"We love Bryce so much. Please, if you have seen or heard anything please call the special victims unit. We just want our son back. We will be offering a $20,000 reward for any information leading to his safe return." She stepped back out of Olivia's way as she sobbed into her husband's shoulder

"If you have any information please call the number at the bottom of your screen. Are there any questions?" Olivia looked through the familiar reporters and chose a few who asked about the nature of the kidnapping, whether there was ransom, normal questions.

Olivia chose a face she hadn't seen before who seemed very eager to get his question answered, "How do you think your own kidnapping has impacted your judgment on cases where someone is taken from their own home? And do you ever compare the similarities, such as in this case where he was wrapped in his own bedding just like you were?" Olivia's eyes widened in shock at the blunt, rude and completely out of left field question.

She hid her shock well though and responded in her most diplomatic voice, "This case is about a seven year old kidnapping victim and I will only be answering questions directly related to Bryce Harem's disappearance. That will be all the questions for now." And she turned ignoring the now shouting of questions brought on by the unknown reporter. As she rounded the corner of the brownstone she tried to keep her breathing under control. She'd had her fair share of rude reporters ask her blunt questions on air, but it'd been so long since it'd happened and even longer since she'd been forced to feel the public humiliation of being questioned on whether or not she can do her job after the attack. She saw Fin and Amanda rushing towards her and her feet carried her further and faster into the ally behind the home. Catching her breath, she bent over by the dumpster and heaved. A combination of adrenaline, lack of sleep, and raw nerves from the previous night's show and tell had finally caught up to her. Amanda grabbed hold of her long hair pulling it from her face as she emptied the little bits of coffee she'd been able to consume earlier in the morning. Fin produced a napkin from his pocket and a bottle of water he'd grabbed from one of the volunteer tables set up around the block.

"Thanks" Olivia mumbled, still hunched over trying to catch her breath.

"What the fuck was that reporters problem?" Amanda said under her breath to Fin while still bunching Olivia's hair.

"I don't know, I've never seen that guy before either. I thought those kinds of questions were over with." Fin responded offering the water to Olivia.

Olivia's hands gripped the cool plastic and took a few sips before standing back up straight, "I thought so too. I'm sorry guys, I don't know why it affected me how it did."

"It caught you off guard as it would anyone!" Amanda nearly shouted waving her hands, "I should go give that asshole a piece of my mind."

"He's not worth it." Fin placed a calming hand on Amanda's shoulder, "I would like to find out who he works for and what his problem is though." Olivia nodded in agreement as Fin went back to the crowd of reporters. Amanda stayed behind rubbing Olivia's back. Olivia was grateful for Amanda, especially in times like this. They'd become extremely close over the past few years, especially bonding over their children. Olivia was always thankful to have another woman around that wouldn't call her weak or judge her if her emotions got the best of her. Half the time it was Amanda who needed the comforting, so when the rare time Olivia needed it happened, she never felt like she couldn't lean on her. Olivia finished half the water before wiping her face again and moving past the upchuck next to the dumpster.

Fin returned a moment later, "I can't find him." Olivia waved her hands signaling she was done with the search and the conversation.

"Okay let's get back to finding this guy." She stated, returning to the volunteer tent, back in focus and ready to find Bryce.

The day dragged on, filled with one failed lead after another. The gym teacher seemed promising until his alibi checked out, then the soccer coach who was out of town all weekend. Finally a cousin remembered an older teenager who liked to get a little too close to them both. They were tracking down the lead when she finally got to relax for a moment. Fin was driving her since Rollins was updating the parents. She rolled her ankle in her boots trying to alleviate pressure buildup from being on her feet all day. She glanced down at her phone to see two texts, both from Elliot.

"Morning. Hope you slept well!" The first read, sent around 7:15 am. The second was sent around 10 "I saw the news. I hope you find Bryce, you looked beautiful, and I'm here if you need to talk." It felt weird that was able to watch her cases through the news. She always wondered if he was in the city and if he ever watched the news and was shocked to see her face. Olivia could recall how shocking it was the first time she turned on the TV after her assault to see her face as top headlines. She'd even been on dateline one night meaning nationwide people knew what happened to her, and when he still hadn't called she decided he must not care. It was a strange feeling to finally know that Elliot had cared, he'd just been unaware and out of the country. It was even stranger to have him watch her on the news, call her beautiful, and know about her cases without being involved in it.

She glanced at the clock, just after 1 pm and she was just able to text him back, "Hey, sorry I just saw these. I hope so too. Chasing a lead now." It was brief, but still let him know what she was doing. She wanted more than anything to hear his voice, but she knew she needed to still hold her cards as close to the vest as she could. They'd crossed so many lines the night before and she didn't want to fall back into the same pattern.

They arrived and were able to apprehend the nineteen year old at his parent's home. It was apparent that he was on the spectrum, and though they didn't think it was likely that he'd been the kidnapper, they brought him in anyway. At just after 4 the teen had told them about a website he liked to visit, where he'd told a man online about his little friend Bryce.

"What else did you tell him, Adam?" Adam smiled, trying to flirt with Olivia as he talked. He'd told her she was beautiful twenty times already and it was getting a little tedious.

"Just where we play."

"And where's that?"

"At the park."

"Which park?"

"I don't know?"

"Okay, how do you get to the park?"

"I ride my bike. I told him I ride my bike to Bryce's house and go up the fire escape too!" He was trying to appease Olivia, but was finally giving them the information they'd been trying to get.

"Okay and did the man on the computer ask you the address?"

Adam nodded enthusiastically, "Yeah, but I didn't know it, so he picked me up and I showed him!"

Olivia hated that she felt so much anger towards this boy. She knew he was slow, but lord help her she wanted to slam his head into the table. He'd lead a predator right to Bryce's window.

"And when was this?"

"Two days ago."

"What kind of car did he drive?"

"Big black one." The neighbor had seen a black SUV parked in the tow away zone a few times over the last few days. After another 20 minutes of questioning Olivia sent Fin and Kat to track down the black SUV that was seen on street cam twice over the last 48 hours in Bryce's neighborhood. Amanda had stayed with his parents most of the day to help jog their memories as well as provide constant updates and support. She retired to her office where she got her second break of the day. Glancing at her phone she saw a few more messages.

Elliot texted, "Good luck. Be safe please!" at 2 pm, David texted just a few minutes ago, "Looking forward to drinks tonight, but saw the news. Just let me know if we need to reschedule!" Olivia loved how understanding he always was when it came to her work schedule. When they were together he'd always be the one to not make her feel guilty and would opt to swing by her place if she had extra time one night. She replied to David first, "If this lead pans out I should be able to make it still! I'll let you know ASAP." Then to Elliot, "Hoping this lead pans out. Hope your day's going well!" She was trying to not sound needy or desperate for attention, but she was dying to hear about how training went today. She'd forgotten to ask him which department he would be shadowing and not knowing much about his day to day while he knew everything about hers was unsettling.

Elliot hadn't slept almost at all. He'd been up tossing and turning going over every detail of their night together, trying to figure out which old friend she was blowing him off for, and then trying to reel in his emotions over her torture with Lewis. He felt every emotion swirl throughout the night, flashing between rage and sadness mostly. When he woke up he fixed himself coffee, texting Olivia first, then turned on the news as he always did. He was brushing his teeth and nearly choked hearing her low melodic voice travel through his space yet again. He rushed from his bathroom to see her face light up the TV screen. He took in how much beauty she portrayed, she was wearing more makeup than he'd seen her wear since he'd been back, her hair was curled framing her face as the light wind picked up a few strays. Her olive jacket hugged her arms, curved around her chest and dipped in at her waist making her look impossibly trimmed. He could see the peak of cleavage from her V-neck blouse and his mind drew him to how he'd been there not twelve hours prior. He half listened to her voice as she stepped back for the mother of the victim to say a few words. Elliot's eyes were still trained on Olivia's through the camera. He could see her nod when she needed to, and from this angle he could see her captains badge and gun strapped to her hip. He loved seeing her in her element, directing a press conference hadn't been her element when he knew her, but she was commanding the group. He continued to watch as she answered questions about the kidnapping, sounding incredibly smart and focused. She knew all the reporters by first name and he was beyond impressed with her diplomacy, until she called on "You sir, in the back."

"How do you think your own kidnapping has impacted your judgment on cases where someone is taken from their own home? And do you ever compare the similarities, such as in this case where he was wrapped in his own bedding just like you were?" Elliot's fists balled and his skin automatically flushed. He hadn't considered that the press had hounded her after her kidnapping. He didn't know how the thought had never occurred to him, but he should've expected it. It was a high profile case and she'd been all over the news for it, plus her second run in with Lewis was probably used to boost ratings of several networks. He felt the bile rise in his throat, that reporter had some guts to stand there in public and bring up the most traumatic moment of someone's life. He was going to find out who said it and give them a piece of his mind. He could see Olivia's skin pale at the question and her eyes widen in shock.

"This case is about a seven year old kidnapping victim and I will only be answering questions directly related to Bryce Harem's disappearance. That will be all the questions for now." He could read her like a book, even after all these years. She had that response prepared from years of practice, but he could see that while her response was well rehearsed, the question had brought on a flood of emotions. The camera cut off the conference and back to the main anchors, but he could tell by how quickly she'd left the camera frame she was fighting to keep her cool. He'd seen Fin pass the frame once and hoped he would intervene and she'd have someone to lean on. He wished more than anything that he were with her right now, to offer her the shoulder she needed to cry on, and to take care of that asshole reporter. The realization struck him, he lost that opportunity the moment he walked away. She never would've had to prepare a statement like that had he never left, and he was no longer her protector as he had been over a decade ago. He had lost all rights to pick up her pieces and defend her, and he was quickly learning that she'd been on her own for so long she didn't need him. He flushed thinking of all the times she'd probably expected his defense, all those times she'd expected him to be her night in shining armor again and rescue her from the hell she was enduring. He'd failed her countless times throughout their partnership, but he failed her worse in his absence. His fingers danced nimbly over the keys of his phone pad as he texted Fin, yet again invading her life without her consent, but desperate for knowledge she was okay promoted his drive to cross yet another line.

"Hey, just saw the conference, is Liv ok?"

Fin's reply was taking a while, meaning he was hopefully with Olivia at the moment. Elliot continued getting ready for his day of training, donning his workout gear for a day of physical training. He'd already passed his introduction fitness test, but they required him to do an extensive training course on updated self-defense techniques as he'd been out of the game for so long.

"I've got her back. Guy was a dick tho." Elliot smiled, he knew Fin always had Olivia's back in his absence and he should've known he would in this situation as well.

"No joke. You set him straight?" He relied quickly, refraining from asking for the reporter's information.

"Nah when I went back out to say something he was gone." Elliot sighed, he hoped that would be the last encounter Olivia would have with the man. Elliot headed out for the day, debating on shooting Olivia another text, but decided she was busy and two texts within an hour might seem a little desperate. He didn't want to push her away, especially when she'd said she was heading to get drinks with an unknown old friend.

The drive to work was quicker than normal, as the facility he was scheduled to attend training was closer to his house than he realized. He arrived just after 8 and wasn't scheduled until 8:30. He flipped open his phone and began scrolling through his previously open tab titled "Olivia Benson" on Google. He saw several more top articles about Olivia's attack, one by a well-known reporter who apparently shadowed her and followed how she now was able to operate in such a climate after her assault. He scrolled further and found one for "Apparent Suicide of Captain Ed Tucker of NYPD" His eyes drew to the summary,

"Ed Tucker found dead with note citing cancer diagnosis… Long time girlfriend and coworker SVU's Captain Olivia Benson gives statement… '…great man and a great loss to the NYPD…'" Elliot nearly choked on the coffee he was downing. Girlfriend? She had been sleeping with the man that hated him so deeply he would've taken her down just to get to him? Anger flowed through his veins at the thought of Tucker being able to touch her, make love to her, love her before he did. How could she after all he put them through sleep with him?

Tucker had pulled him in for yet another sit down. Eleven years with Olivia as his partner, and the department was yet again trying to break them up. Half of his mind was telling him that it might be for the best, who knows how many times they'd screwed up by trying to save each other. But the other half of him, the half that lost all function at the thought of losing Olivia in any capacity told him to do whatever it took to keep her as his partner. Elliot had thought after Kathy fell pregnant again that their late nights, touches, looks, would cease and they had… for about nine months. Until Olivia had rescued Kathy and his unborn child from certain death, risking her own life and safety for him and his family. He crossed an invisible line that day, the day he held her in his arms for the first time fully. She'd been so warm and accepting of his embrace, it had opened the floodgates in their friendship to allow for more longing touches and looks. He would catch her about once a week looking at his lips instead of his eyes. He found his eyes drawn to her ass more than he'd like to admit, and her breasts, well that was becoming easier and easier as she wore lower and lower cut shirts.

Tucker's unscheduled meeting hadn't been prompted by anything in particular; it had seemed out of the blue to Elliot when he got the call to meet him at 1PP. His palms automatically began to sweat when he entered the building, always finding reason to be nervous around all the brass. He ascended the stairs and was met with Tucker and another higher up he hadn't yet met.

"Please come take a seat detective."

"What is this about?" He responded before entering the room.

"Just an unofficial inquiry, take a seat detective." Tucker responded in a condescending tone, leaning against the wall opposite him.

"Nah, I'll stand. If it's unofficial I can leave at any time then." Elliot huffed as he crossed his arms, puffing his chest in a show of masculinity.

"Yes, but that wouldn't be advisable. It's about your partner, Detective Benson." Tucker sneared seeing Elliot's body flinch at the mention of his partner's name. He knew they were too close, he knew the feelings he had for Olivia went far beyond partners and he also knew that Olivia would never give him the time of day while Elliot was still her partner.

"What about her?"

"We have reason to believe she is suffering from severe PTSD and is in jeopardy of losing her shield." Elliot's eyes shot up, squinting at the man, trying to determine if he was lying. Elliot was well aware Olivia was suffering from PTSD, the severity of which he didn't quite grasp, though he was beginning to seriously worry about her. He knew she'd been through something while she was undercover, but she'd never come out and say it. He'd asked Fin on multiple occasions, but was stonewalled each time. Fin was torn up about it too, he could tell, and it made his stomach turn that it was bad enough to affect Fin like that.

"Why are you telling me this?" She could be losing her shield over having PTSD that she suffered from due to the job? How did that make any sense? Elliot's fists curled, how dare he stand there and threaten Olivia as if she was unable to do her job because of something caused by the job?

"I just think you should be aware that if you step one toe out of line you will be costing yourself and your partner your jobs and your pensions." He snickered seeing the anger flash against Elliot's cheeks in the form of red hot heat.

"So you brought me down here to threaten me? And my partner?" Elliot took a step towards him, Tucker did the same seeming ready for a fight, ready to use that as the excuse to take his badge.

"I am just curious what could possibly have caused Detective Benson to seek out a shrink who specialized in rape trauma in military veterans and whether or not you had anything to do with it? Most of those vets were assaulted by someone in their unit, someone close to them," He paused before going in for the kill. "You wouldn't happen to be the reason she is seeking help are you?" Red threatened to overtake his vision; Tucker was accusing him of assaulting Olivia. Elliot refused to look at him, curling and uncurling his fists that threatened to make contact with the sharp point of Tucker's cheekbones, Ed continued, "I mean, everyone at IAB has noticed how close you two are, too close for partners. What, did she reject you one night and you too it too far?" Elliot took a few deep breaths trying to think of what Cragen would say if he were here right now.

"That's enough!" His voice boomed, seemingly out of his control. Elliot stormed across the room pushing his chest into Tuckers aggressively, but keeping his hands in fists at his side, though they threatened to pull back in anticipation of a forward motion. The second man in the room moved to stand between them, but had yet to apply force to either of their poised chests, seemingly to allow them to cool off themselves and be rational, "Don't you ever, EVER, speak about Olivia like that. I would rather die than hurt her. Why she's in therapy is between herself and the shrink and it's none of your business to ask about it." Elliot took another half step towards him forcing Tucker to take a half step back, "And if you ever accuse me of laying a hand on her again make sure we're not in a state funded building." The threat hung heavy in the air as Ed chuckled in Elliot's face before he took the half step back, making up ground that Elliot had gained.

"And if you ever lay a hand on Olivia, be sure I'll be there to make you pay for it." Tucker threatened back; both the individuals could see Elliot's flash of confusion. Tucker had always referred to her as Detective Benson, and suddenly, he seemed protective over her. Elliot scoffed before turning towards the door and leaving.

He hadn't told anyone about their little meeting, though he did monitor Olivia a bit more closely after. It had been a passing thought, no more than a blip on his radar that Tucker might have been interested in her, as he never saw him as a threat. He would've put his life on the line that Olivia never would've given him the time of day. But then, he left. He had no reason to expect her not to play the field, though Tucker seemed more like a curve ball aimed straight at his nuts.

The instructor for the training tapped lightly at his window startling him.

"We can go on in if you're ready!" The instructor's muffled voice reached his ear through the closed window. He unbuckled and began his training for the day with Ed Tucker's face as each dummy he got to lay his hard fist into.

Around 10 he took a water break. He could feel his muscles screaming at him from the workout he'd already been put through. He'd been working out steadily for the past few years, and had shaved several pounds and inches off his waist, but the type of physical activity he was enduring today was obscure compared to his normal weight lifting and cardio. He checked his phone while chugging some of his department provided water, noting that Olivia still hadn't read his message. Though he thought it might come off as desperate, he craved her response so he typed a quick followup message to try and elicit a response, "I saw the news. I hope you find Bryce, you looked beautiful, and I'm here if you need to talk." He felt guilty brining up the press conference, but he felt like after everything they'd talked about he could pry a little bit into that area of her life, even if it was through text message.

The rest of the day went on, though it was dragging. He'd had on his watch that connected to his phone and had noticed that there were still no pending texts. His heart sank a bit thinking she was ignoring him, but he also considered how hard he was to reach when they had a case, particularly a child kidnapping case. He chuckled lightly thinking of how he was somehow being paid back by the universe for all the unanswered phone calls and texts he'd left Kathy with. His lunch break dragged on again with still no answered or read text messages. He considered texting Fin or calling her cell, but knew that would be a huge overstep. Training resumed at 1 pm and just as he began he got a notification for a text, though he couldn't read it yet. His heart was beating out of his chest, how he had gone from an independent man who had no ties to nearly passing out from anticipation over the course of the last week was beyond him. He had never felt so giddy over a woman, or really over anything before in his life. At 2 he got another water break and rushed for his cell to read her message.

"Hey, sorry I just saw these. I hope so too. Chasing a lead now." Thinking of knowing she was out chasing leads without him made his heart pang for her absence. He knew coming back to NYC would cause some unresolved feelings to resurface, but after seeing her work so effortlessly without him it made him second guess his readmission to the department, if only momentarily. He wanted nothing more than to be along side his partner again, but it was impossible. They would never be "Benson and Stabler" again on the job, he just hoped they could still be "Olivia and Elliot".

"Good luck. Be safe please!" He typed quickly as his trainer called him back to continue the grueling training.

Just before 5 pm, Elliot headed to the showers before packing up for the day. His muscles were screaming at him from overuse and he realized just how much he'd lost while being away from the job. Though he felt he looked more trim, he had lost the stamina he'd once had, and he was going to begin to work on that while back in the city. His phone vibrated from the bench as he let the hot water trail down his muscular chest and back. He finished up and reached for his phone while drying off.

"Hoping this lead pans out. Hope your day's going well!" He couldn't help but smile staring at her name displayed on his phone. He wanted more than anything to hear her voice, but he knew if she was chasing leads she wouldn't be able to chat. The desperation he felt to see her again was nearly overwhelming and his curiosity to know who she was going to meet up with tonight was mounting. He decided to try and carry a conversation and drag it as long as possible while he tried to distract himself from driving over to the squad room to catch a glimpse of her before the night ended.

"I hope so too! Want any help? You know, back in the day I knew a thing or two about a thing or two;) And I'm just finishing up my training it was on self-defense today. Apparently I need to up my workouts if I'm going to keep up."

Olivia smiled sitting at her desk waiting for her detective's update. She was receiving her texts to her laptop where she could easily answer them without looking like she was constantly on her phone. She was glad he was also letting her into his life, giving him little peaks at what his day-to-day now consisted of. She'd been through a lot of self-defense classes over the years and she remembered a time when she started to question her abilities as a cop when she got winded chasing a perp, she worked her butt off to get back into fighting shape and still wasn't at her peak. Her chest hurt a bit at his first statement, while she appreciated his offer it felt a little too close to partnership again so she avoided the question completely.

"Oh yeah, been there done that. They'll kick your ass and make you come back for more the next day. My trainer loves to torture me with self-defense days. Who is training you?"

Her rapid reply was met by his equally eager reply, "Some 20-something who has been working out since he was in the womb. How do they get muscles on their muscles now a days? I thought women still liked men to look human, not like some over juiced idiot?"

Olivia laughed, "I like your muscles just how they are." She flirted. She wasn't sure how her flirting would be portrayed over text, but she was willing to risk it.

Elliot flushed, she was obviously flirting with him and he was already enjoying it. He hopped in his SUV and headed back to his empty house, before thinking better of it. He considered heading home, then thought of her going out and living it up while he struggled to not text her or figure out where she was going, he needed a distraction for the night. He knew Fin was working a case, but maybe he could convince him to meet up after if they got off early enough.

His fingers flew over the keys at a red light, "Are you flirting with me, Benson?" He knew she would flush when she read the message, the thought of the redness extending down her chest caused him to miss the signal change prompting a horn blast from behind him. He continued towards his house to change before he headed out to get dinner. Fin had agreed if the lead panned out to meet him.

Olivia flushed, she couldn't believe he'd just called her out like that. She contemplated her response, "Just stating the obvious, Stabler" seemed like the safest option so she sent it, hoping he would continue the flirtation.

Elliot smiled at her message, "Umhum. Just for the record, I like your body just how it is now too ;)" He was using the winking faces more and more these days, he could still recall Maureen telling him about them when he was just learning how to text. He used maybe two smiley faces ever in his life when texting, one he sent to Olivia and she teased him about it for weeks.

Olivia's phone began to vibrate with Fin's number on the screen before she could answer his message, "Benson."

"We got him!" Olivia felt a wave of relief, the little boy had been missing over 12 hours and knowing from personal experience, each hour feels like a week. His poor mother was going out of her mind, and if this lead hadn't panned out they would've been back at stage one.

"How is he?"

"I don't think the guy had time to do anything to him. Bryce was asleep in the backseat of his SUV, he drugged him, but it ended up just being Benadryl. Bryce is on the way to Mercy and his parents and Amanda are meeting him there. I've got Joey Rider, caught him red handed he didn't even wait for me to Mirandize him, just confessed." Olivia rubbed her forehead; hopefully they would take that confession as a spontaneous utterance and not jam them up.

"Get him back to the house, hopefully he will re confess after being mirandized." Fin clicked off the receiver. Everyone in the squad loved an easy close, but it tended to never be so easy. She was sure a monkey wrench would be thrown in at some point, thankfully Bryce was safe and she would be able to escape at a reasonable hour tonight. She called Amanda next who told her she was on the way to the hospital with the parents, who from what she could hear were crying, relief overwhelming them that their child was safe.

"We got him!" She quickly texted Elliot, ignoring their previous flirtation, she figured he probably had guessed something had broken when there was a large gap between messages that were previously no more than thirty seconds apart.

Elliot had sat with his phone open to her text messages staring at the little receipt that said, "Read" for the past 15 minutes. He'd made it to his parking lot, but refrained from leaving the car. He was panicked, had he crossed some line she'd drawn? A million thoughts flooded his mind, reading far too into their exchange. Suddenly the text bubbles popped up, "We got him!" Relief flooded him as he realized her delay was because of a case, not his text. He took a shaky breath and tried to re center himself. It was just like old times, he needed to remember she was still on the job that had taken so much of his own free time from him so he needed to take that into consideration when she had a delay in response.

"Awesome Liv! Is he okay?" He knew from personal experience how much can happen in a short period of time when a child is kidnapped by a predator. Another few moments passed, giving Elliot time to run upstairs to change for dinner, he opted for a bar near the courthouse that he hadn't been to before. It was higher class than the bars he was used to, but he figured a neat scotch and a big steak might do him some good. Fin had suggested it when he called and he had looked up the menu and it sounded good to him.

"He's good from what Fin said, we got the guy who took him. Gave a spontaneous confession before being Mirandize so going to try and get it in writing now. Wish me luck!" He smiled at the thought of her in the box with a perp again. He loved seeing her work a guy to get a confession, just like old times when she'd spend hours alone with him planning a strategy then sweat a guy in the box. Usually it was him that was bad cop, but on those rare occasions where Olivia's bad cop came out he'd spend hours trying to cool back off. He tried his best to not blatantly stare at her while she sweated the guy, but on more than one occasion he'd been caught when she'd lean over the table to get in their face, checking out her ass. "Good luck!" He'd replied.

The interrogation was quick and easy, she got his confession in writing and the perp was on his way to central booking. "Fin, go home. You can write up your reports from home." She pulled off her mask as he entered her office, closing the door.

"Actually I wanted to talk to you about that… I'm actually going to have dinner with Elliot." Fin had been wary of hanging out with Elliot without Olivia knowing. He wasn't sure why, but he wanted to make sure they were on good terms and not stir up some drama.

Olivia was a little taken back, when they worked together Fin and Elliot butted heads and only ever saw each other outside of work if the whole squad did something. She knew they were now friendly, but didn't think they were 'friends' in the classic sense. "Oh." She said eyebrows raised as she started packing up her laptop and files.

"I can cancel?" Fin was trying to read the expression she wore while also backtracking his original statement.

"Oh no, Fin I'm just shocked that you're hanging out with Elliot." She chuckled, "You all always butted heads so I'm just surprised to hear you're going out of your way to see him."

Fin chuckled as well, "Yeah well ten years can change ya." He paused before digging a little deeper, "Are you all good now?"

Olivia's corners of her mouth turned up at the mention of their relationship. Were they good? Yes. Was she confused to where they stood? Also yes. She had gone further than she intended with him the previous night, and was trying to wall up a little bit of her life from him so he wouldn't gain full control over her again, but God she wanted to see him again. So much so that she'd considered blowing off David and instead asking Elliot to meet her, but she couldn't do that yet. She needed to protect herself from herself. Dropping everything and everyone just to be near Elliot couldn't happen again, he'd left her and she was broken, David had been there and helped her heal a bit. She'd grown and changed and he needed to earn his place back in her life, simply existing in the same area wouldn't do this time. "Yeah," she signed, "We're good. You all have fun!"

"We'll see" Fin joked as he headed out, repositioning his mask.

Olivia headed home to change, since she had been allowed to get off a decent time she changed her mind on her choice of wardrobe. She'd liked her outfit this morning, but the top was bunching annoyingly and her jacket felt too tight on her arms. When she got home she kissed Noah and talked to Lucy for a while. She was giving Lucy the entire weekend off, as she'd not taken the holiday so Fin and Kat were catching. She decided if he was going out with Fin, she wouldn't message him again and let him hear about the interrogation from Fin himself. She wondered where they were going, probably the dive she'd gone to the other night, one of their usual places they frequented during their partnership.

Fin and Elliot arrived to the restaurant bar around the same time, taking a booth at the back. Elliot's phone had been annoyingly quiet after his last text to her. He wanted to know how the interrogation went from her lips, not Fin's. He also hated the fact she was probably getting ready to go out right about now. He wondered if she went home to change, and he wondered more if she was meeting a male or female for drinks.

Elliot's steak was cooked perfectly and Fin's ribs looked like something from a cooking magazine. They shared small talk and stories of their time away, catching up on the last few years of life that hadn't been covered during their few five-minute phone calls over the last ten years. Elliot decided to broach the subject, "So I finally Googled Olivia…"

Fin sat down the bone he'd just picked clean, "About time. Wish you would've done it sooner."

Elliot sighed, "Yeah me too. It still doesn't feel real."

"Same here. She was a mess when we found her, but she saved herself. She truly is 'Badass Benson'" He chuckled at the nickname she'd been given by several uniforms years back.

"She really is." Elliot agreed smiling at her nickname, "But I also saw Ed Tucker killed himself?"

Fin knew he'd find out eventually. He hadn't been too keen on the relationship at first either, anyone that worked for the rat squad wasn't his pick for Olivia, but Tucker had grown on him over the years seeing as how he genuinely cared for Olivia. "Yeah… Liv said she saw him just before, he apparently had terminal brain cancer and was struggling with the diagnosis. She said he did it to save his new wife of suffering through hospice."

Elliot raised his eyebrows, "So they were close then?" He couldn't help himself, he needed more information than Fin was offering.

"Yeah, they dated for a while. I wasn't happy about it either at first, but once I saw him with Noah and how much he helped Liv with her PTSD, I was okay with it." Fin took a long drink of his beer, "Still not my first choice though, never was my favorite of her boyfriends." He kidded, knowing it would get under Elliot's skin. Elliot adjusted in the booth, suddenly feeling uncomfortable in his own skin. He always hated to hear about Olivia's romantic relationships and to hear mention of all the boyfriends, all the men, who'd touched her made his skin crawl. And the mention of Noah and her PTSD, he hated that he hadn't been there.

Tucker was able to comfort her, help with her son, "Why'd it end?" Elliot pried even further.

Fin knew Olivia would kill him for giving out information about her, but he also wanted Elliot to realize how much he'd missed out on with her. "He wanted her to retire and settle down. They went to Paris and I'm pretty sure when they were there he proposed, but Liv never told me the details of the trip." Elliot felt himself pale; she'd almost married him. He'd taken her to Paris, the place she'd mentioned wanting desperately to visit multiple times over their partnership. He felt sick. "She wasn't finished though, I don't know if she ever will be done with SVU, so she broke it off. Noah took it hard from what Liv said, that's why she's wary of bringing men around him now." Elliot took a long pull from his beer, trying to quash the pit in his stomach.

Olivia pulled up out front of the bar in her cab, just as David exited his black BMW parked across the street. She always liked that he'd offer to drive her, but she preferred to ride separately so she could duck out at any time and not feel bad. If they arrived together that would indicate they'd be leaving together. The restaurant bar they'd frequented was just around the corner from the courthouse and was their middle ground between her precinct and his office when he was working in Manhattan. He looked just as good as the day he'd left, better maybe, he was aging like a fine wine, though he was a few years her junior. His hair had more salt than pepper now and his scruff had grown out a bit. Though she found him attractive, she could feel the spark she'd once felt for him. She could immediately attribute the lack to her reconnection with Elliot.

The black skirt she'd chosen fell just above her knee, coupled with a floral tank top layered with her tan jacket. She wore closed toe heels and completed the look with a long gold necklace that lay between her breasts. She chose studs for earrings, as she didn't want to fool with pushing the mask straps around long earrings. She'd chosen the black mask that had slight detailing around the edges. David was wearing a nice deep blue suit, white button down with the top unbuttoned; in his hand was the disposable black mask that he quickly put in place as he approached her.

"Wow!" He started, "You look gorgeous!" He took her hand in his, "Just for the record, I've been working almost exclusively from home so no need to worry on my end." She knew him well enough to know he wouldn't ask her to see him if he hadn't been safe.

Her smile was evident on her eyes as he pulled her towards the familiar bar. "You don't look bad yourself!" she flirted back, "And I've been careful too." He opened the door for her and they took their usual seats at the bar towards the front of the restaurant. She tore off her mask turning towards him with her legs crossed. She faced the large window behind him at the front of the restaurant. He ordered for them, two glasses of cabernet. Though she wasn't attracted to him in the same way she'd been before it was nice to have him interested in her, and the way he was eyeing her body gave her a confidence boost. They chatted and caught up on his new job, how he liked traveling before COVID, how his life had changed; he asked about Noah and about his school and how he was handling online school. Slowly his hand navigated to touch the top of her exposed knee, prompting them to turn more towards each other in their bar seats. He rubbed tiny circles against the exposed flesh causing goose bumps to rise to the surface. He was saying something mildly funny causing her to throw her head back slightly, laughing. She was hardly paying attention, still contemplating cutting the drinks short to call Elliot.

Elliot's booth seat faced the front of the restaurant; he was engaged in a deep conversation about one of his undercover targets, filling Fin in on the details. They'd been at the restaurant long enough to finish eating, and let the several rounds of beers take full affect. He was feeling a comfortable buzz take over when he felt a shift in the room. He couldn't quite explain it, but the air felt lighter and he felt a wave of comfort wash over him. His head drew up and he saw the back of a woman's head sitting at the bar. He could feel a rush of heat encase his body, he'd know her anywhere, he didn't need to see her face to know it was her. He'd watched her back for so long he felt like he had every strand of hair memorized. He could see her nude heel resting against the edge of her bar seat, her exposed calf visible from the open legs of the barstool. He trailed his eyes up to where her other leg lay crossed. He felt white heat cloud his vision, a foreign palm lay against her flesh just above her knee. He could see the fingertips drawing lazy circles around her thigh, then gripping the muscle hidden there. Flashes of red intermingled with his vision, drawing to the unknown man's face.

Fin was mid sentence when Elliot fell into a trance, confusion clouded him before Elliot's voice cut him off, "Who the fuck is that?" Fin immediately jerked his body around in the booth, eyes wide when they landed on the former ADA, obviously on a date with the woman he knew was Olivia. He saw how close they were sitting, Haden's fingers caressing her thigh.

"Shit…" Fin knew he'd just stepped into the middle of something major. What were the odds that he would've picked the bar that Olivia was going on a date? If he hadn't been the one to suggest the restaurant he would've thought Elliot had somehow planned it. Elliot watched as her head tipped back in laughter at something David had said. "That's our old ADA, David Haden." Elliot's eyes never lost contact with Olivia, even as Fin informed him of their brief relationship. Olivia had been underneath him, under his tongue, not even 24 hours prior and she was on a date with an old fling? He could feel the old Elliot Stabler returning, fist clenching trying to restrain the mounting anger, feelings of betrayal surfaced. He fully believed after last night that meant they were on the track to something bigger, bigger than partnership, friendship, or really even relationship. He'd said those three words last night for God's sake, and she'd said them back. He knew she was always one to run, one to overthink and self-sabotage, but he never would've thought it would amount to her seeing someone else.

Fin turned back to watch Elliot, on alert that he may dart out of the booth and confront them. He could see his fingers flexing, poised like he was ready to attack at any second. Fin could feel the heat radiating from across the booth.

Elliot watched her touch his shoulder, engaged in a deep conversation. She took another sip of wine, no doubt opening those beautiful lips to accommodate the lip of the glass as she'd done in his presence. He'd give anything to be able to look at her face, to watch her. Suddenly her back stiffened.

Olivia felt as if all the air had been sucked from the room, her spine tingled in recognition, the hair on the back of her neck stood as if a bolt of electricity had shot through her. She'd felt that recognition a few times in her life, and it was always Elliot. She'd become accustomed to it when they were partners, she could always sense when he entered or exited a room, some sort of magnetic pull allowing her to find his eyes easily. She knew it was him, she could feel his eyes boring into her back. Why had she come to this bar? Why had he? She knew he was meeting up with Fin, and yes, she'd brought Fin here a few times. They'd sat to eat here on several occasions during trials, but never in a million years did she think Fin would take Elliot here. She didn't need to turn to feel the heat of his gaze, suddenly David's hand felt extremely hot, she needed to break off the contact. She needed to get away from this situation. Why had she agreed to go out with David? She subtly adjusted her legs forcing his fingers from their place on her thigh. She turned away from David and back towards the bar, taking a long drink from her glass, trying to calm the sudden wave of nerves. As if by instinct, her head swiveled, eyes desperate to seek his. It didn't take her more than a second to find his blues from across the room. His eyes were narrow, she could see the emotions swirling through them, anger, betrayal, lust maybe? She could feel the tension radiate off him from across the room. David was talking, but she couldn't hear him, his voice was muffled as if behind thick glass. Her grip was tight against the wine glass, knuckles white, as she held his eyes. She felt that magnet pull her, wanting to touch him again, wanting his anger, rage, pushed on her in the form of physical contact. She could feel the heat and need settle in her belly, her panties growing damp at the thought of his muscles flexing above her.

"Liv?" David called, picking up on her distraction, but unable to see that it was another man that was distracting her.

She broke contact with Elliot turning back to David, "Yeah, sorry I just have to run to the ladies room real quick." She didn't bother pretending she'd heard what he was talking about as she stood abruptly and moved towards the back of the restaurant. David shrugged turning to his cell in her absence.

Olivia returned her eyes to Elliot, completely oblivious to Fin who sat a foot from him. Her mask was covering her mouth, making the eye contact more intense as she neared his table. She held his vision before turning just before reaching the edge of the table and moved to the bathroom.

Elliot felt her eyes pierce his as she sat at the bar, he could see the contact jarred her, and he hoped she was able to read his emotions. He watched her remove the man's hand, then abruptly stand. He froze for a moment, wondering if she would come directly to his table, but he could read her. She wanted him to follow her. Fin was talking, saying something about the man and Olivia and why he'd left. Fin was mid sentence as Olivia passed the table. He knew Fin saw where she was headed, but he didn't care what Fin thought anymore. He cut his line of dialogue citing a need to use the restroom. Fin rolled his eyes, obviously he was going to talk to Olivia, there was no need to try and cover the thinly veiled excuse. Elliot threw his mask over his face if only for show and slid from the booth.

Elliot could feel the sweat pool in his palms, he could feel the adrenaline coursing through his veins. He saw a glimpse of her skirt flow behind her as she dipped into the alcove that held the two unisex bathrooms. He noted the single stall private rooms, he knew somehow that she would leave it unlocked for him.

Olivia rounded the corner feeling him hot on her heels. She knew the only private place for her to explain herself would be the private bathrooms and she knew she didn't need to verbalize the invitation, he'd follow her. She opened the door and ducked inside, not bothering to lock it, removing her mask immediately. She was just nearing the small sink when she heard the door open and close. Before she could turn his heat was at her back.

Elliot's fingers gripped her upper arms of their own accord, spinning her around before adhering his body to hers. His hard body pressed her ass into the edge of the sink before he fused their lips together roughly. His original intention was to talk, but seeing another man touch her drove him to act on impulse and instinct alone. He had taken the mask off as he breached the doorway and it was laying somewhere on the counter behind her as he gripped her lower back. He felt her shock against his lips, but she made up for it quickly, returning his kiss with equal vigor. His fingers bit into her flesh, the thin tank top doing nothing to stop his attack, since her jacket was removed at the bar. He pushed himself into her and she let a moan escape from her lips. Elliot slid his fingers from her back down to the sides of her thighs, applying pressure; he hoisted her up to the counter. Her thighs spread instinctually to accommodate his hips. She could feel his hardness through his pants press heatedly against her core, only separated by her already wet lace panties. He groaned against her lips as he trailed them down her neck. So much skin was left exposed due to the tank and he was able to access her pulse point with ease. She dipped her head back allowing him further access, her fingers pulled at his neck trying to mold him into her skin. He slid his lips further down her neck until he reached the top of the tank just above her chest. He moved his hands from her thighs to cup the underside of her breast. A moan escaped him as he felt their full weight, not hindered by any fabric besides her tank. His eyes shot up to hers with question. The tank she wore didn't allow for a strapless bra so she'd opted for the breast petals she was so fond of. She knew the shock he'd felt with her braless on a date with another man, but she had no intention of taking David home, it was simply out of convenience. He held her line of sight, waiting for an explanation, "nipple pads" she quickly spit out before pulling his mouth against hers, trying to get him back to their previous heat.

He shoved his tongue into her mouth then before kissing his way to her ear, "get rid of him." He demanded, his scratchy voice full of arousal, the demand causing more liquid to rush to her core. If he used that voice, she was pretty sure he could talk her into jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge. She pushed on his neck trying to get his mouth to descend her neck again and make its way to her breasts, but he stubbornly stayed put, only allowing her relief from pressing her chest into his.

"El." She wined in his ear, trying to break his reserve.

"Get." He punctuated each word with a grind of his hips, "Rid." His fingers pulled at the back of her hair, "Of." His mouth opened allowing his teeth to nip at the skin below her ear, marking her gently, "Him." She felt herself nod against his cheek before he pulled back up and kissed her one last time, then he was gone. Olivia took a moment, trying to catch her breath, she was seated, knees open on a counter in a bathroom of a bar not ten minutes from a courthouse. Her hair was a mess, her makeup smudged, her hair disheveled, her skirt bunched around her waist. She shook herself out of it, turning to try and fix her makeup and hair in the mirror. Damn him.

Elliot stepped outside the bathroom, dick hard trying to reign in his control. He would've just fucked her against the counter had he not remembered she had a date waiting for her on the other side of the door. He smoothed his shirt from where she'd rumpled it and adjusted his pants attempting to hide his hard on. He rounded the corner back towards his booth where Fin sat idly waiting for his return. Fin took in his flushed complexion visible around the mask and accidentally noted the bulge in his pants. He rolled his eyes, trying not to think about what might've just happened in the bathroom with his nearly sister. "You good man?"

Elliot cleared his throat, "Yeah" he replied weakly. "I think I've had enough, I'm going to go on and head out. Dinner's on me." Elliot threw down a hundred and a fifty, no doubt covering their meal and leaving a fat tip for their server. "Thanks for coming out with me. Let's do it again sometime."

Fin chuckled, "Next time we can coordinate with Olivia so we don't go to the same bar as her and her date." Fin stood too sliding his mask over his ears, he turned to see Olivia exiting the bathroom, smoothing the material of her skirt and adjusting her hair to cover her neck.

Olivia began to brush past them before she seemed to recognize Fin, "Oh hey Fin." She shot over her shoulder awkwardly trying to hurry and get back to her 'date' so she could end it faster. Fin nodded at her, not really needing to give a response under the current circumstances. Elliot followed Fin towards the front of the bar just as Olivia mounted her bar stool. Elliot caught her eye just as he passed them gently brushing his finger over her exposed leg as they passed, hidden from David as he was finishing up an email on his iPhone. He held her eyes as he exited the bar. Olivia took hold of her glass, downing the remainder of the liquid.

"Whoa, looks like you need another one." David joked, attempting to flag the bartender, but Olivia took his hand.

"Actually, I really need to be headed out, I'm sorry. I've got a ton of paperwork to finish up for this kidnapping case and I haven't even started it yet. I pushed it even coming out tonight." She feigned an apology, trying her best to sound sincerer. She felt bad blowing him off like that, but she felt worse for even going out in the first place. She could feel her wetness sticking to her inner thighs, a signal that Elliot was still the only man on her mind.

David looked disappointed, but he was extremely understanding, "I understand Liv, no worries. Next time." He winked at her before leaning in, kissing her on the cheek. She stood and slipped her coat back on.

"Have a good night David."

He knew better than to offer her a ride so he closed with, "You too!" Before watching her retreat from the bar.

Olivia glanced around the sidewalk, half expecting Elliot to be standing at the door to the bar waiting for her. She didn't see him immediately so started to walk towards the corner of the road adjacent to the bar, she passed several cars, one rolling down the window, "Get in." He demanded.

She saw through the cracked window, Elliot staring back at her, lust filling his eyes. He was parked, but the car was started and his foot was on the brake. She didn't need to be told twice, yet again following his instruction. He felt himself harden more at the thought that she obeyed his demands when she never would've listened to him in the past. When they were partners, if he used this tone with her she would've done the exact opposite just to spite him. Olivia couldn't explain it, but the tone in his voice made her want to do anything he asked and then some. Anything to keep him talking like that. It made her flash to how he would sound telling her to "get on your knees" or "tell me you like it". She rounded the front of the car passing the bright headlights, the door flung open from the inside as Elliot leaned across the seat to open it for her. Even in their heat, he was still a gentleman. She began to climb in the car and before she could even close the door his fingers wrapped tightly around her arm and she was being pulled to meet him over the center console. His lips met hers with more passion than she'd ever felt in her life. His tongue danced along the seam of her lips begging entrance, before he tiled his mouth over hers pulling her lips roughly tugging each one into his mouth. Her lips fought his with as much vigor, her hands reaching from his neck to down his back tugging at him trying to fuse their chests together. She wasn't sure if it was heat from seeing him jealous again, or pent up from the previous night's escapades, but she wanted him and she wanted him now. She began to pull herself towards him, her legs finding purchase on the seat below her. Her knees bunched up her skirt as she knelt across the console, Elliot turned as much as he could, finding his hands gripping her ass. He could feel the muscles bunch and pull as she worked closer towards him, he was guiding her, almost in a trance unable to grasp that they still were sitting in public.

As Olivia began to hoist her leg across the center console to mount his lap, they jolted apart from a loud tapping at his driver side window. Olivia shot back into her seat, slumping down trying to hide her embarrassment. Elliot rolled down his window a crack as the valet cleared his throat informing him they needed the spot for parking. Elliot chuckled and fastened his seatbelt. He glanced over to see Olivia's outline in the darkness of the interior of his car, heavily breathing, eyes closed. He shifted into drive, and peeled away from the curb. As he reached the light immediately in front of the restaurant, he slid his hand across the console, making contact with her exposed thigh. Her skin felt unbelievably warm under his palm, her smooth caramel skin had always been intriguing to him, especially her legs. He only got glimpses of her long toned legs, and he was never allowed to admire and especially never allowed to touch them. Her skin was smoother than he could've imagined, soft, obviously shaved and moisturized daily. He danced his fingertips along the inner hem of her skirt sliding it slightly upward. The light turned green and he chanced a glance in her direction before pressing gently on the accelerator. Her head was pressed into the headrest, eyes screwed shut; her legs were pressed together, only making room for his nimble fingers to slide delicately against the skin of her inner knee.

Olivia couldn't believe she'd almost thrown caution, rationality, and public decency to the wind for a chance with Elliot. She'd never felt so reckless before, her intention was to climb on his lap and finish what they'd started the previous night, in his car, in the front seat, on a crowded public street. She'd never made out on the counter in a bar bathroom, well once in college, but that was before she was an officer of the law. She felt his fingers touch her exposed skirt and she remembered then why she always stuck to slacks around him.

Olivia sat on the bench outside of the courtroom waiting for her partner to finish his testimony. They'd been trying to put a serial child predator away and both of them were taking it harder than normal. She felt they'd both needed the others support, and it was unspoken that if one was there the other would try to be there as well. She'd stayed for his entire testimony, and he'd done the same. They both used their personal time, but it had been worth it for the moral support.

She heard the doors open and Elliot step through, immediately finding his seat next to her again. He ran his palms down his face much like he did every day they had any stress, and laid his head back against the wall. "I think I screwed it up." He broke the silence. His head tilted towards her taking inventory of her face, tracing down her chest to her exposed legs. She could read that he hadn't noted her clothes when he'd initially exited the courtroom. She was wearing her tight pencil skirt, legs exposed due to the heat of summer, a deep blue blouse and a black blazer. Her heels made her equal height with him when she stood, making her have a slight power trip, they also accentuated the curve of her calf and the bulge of her quad. His eyes danced at the dangerous hemline that exposed more of her thigh than he'd ever seen. She noted his eyes and crossed her legs unconsciously causing the skirt to ride higher, her calf muscle to accentuate more, and the point of her heel to catch his line of sight. She watched his breathing pick up and his fingers clench.

"What happened?" She prompted, drawing his eyes back to her face. Since his separation he was more lenient with his touches, and allowed his eyes to travel further, for longer.

"I let my emotions get the best of me, again. I don't know how I keep letting the defense use my anger as ammunition." Her fingers itched to place a comforting palm on his thigh; she placed it on top of his knee instead, thinking it the safer alternative. She turned her upper body more towards him as she attempted to comfort him. About ten seconds into her speech about him doing his best and understanding where his anger came from, his touch halted her. She hadn't caught his hand make the decent to her leg, but she felt the warmth of his calloused fingers touch the skin just north of her knee. Her eyes trailed from their previous purchase on his chest to his fingers that didn't dare move. He gave her leg a tight squeeze before retreating back to his side of the bench.

She never picked back up her speech and he never asked her to. They sat in silence for another couple beats before they headed in their own directions.

She chose to never wear skirts around him again, afraid not that he'd touch her, but that he wouldn't and her leg would never feel the warmth of his palm again no matter how much she ached for it. She felt Elliot's hand slip dangerously towards the hyper stimulated nerve endings hidden just beneath the skin of her inner thigh. His rough fingertip dipped under the edge of her skirt tugging it up with the back of his hand as he coaxed her legs to spread for him.

Elliot felt her slight resistance as he slid his hand further up her thigh, feeling the muscles bunch under his touch, but with one slide push her thighs fell open for him. Her eyes were still slammed shut, but he could feel her arousal from his spot halfway up her thigh. Her inner muscles were contracting just at the touch of his fingers forcing the tendons of her inner thighs to contract and pull. His pinkie reached the dip just before the crux of her thigh and her hand flew to his hand to pause his movement. He whipped his head in her direction, met with her piercing brown orbs.

"Don't start something you're not going to finish." Olivia's husky voice vibrated through the car. Her fingernails dug into the back of his hand as it held its position nearly between her thighs.

"I wish I could say I had more self control," Elliot started, his timbre dropping several octives since their last vocalization, "But seeing you tonight, with him." The distain was evident in his voice, though Olivia believed if he and David met under different circumstances they'd like each other, "I never want to go another night without touching you." The light changed to red, once the car stopped he turned his body fully towards her, pulling her forehead against his, he slid his hand up higher cupping her heat, "You're mine Olivia. Just like I am yours." His lips dared to touch hers but he pulled back, keeping his hand against her wetness, unmoving. Olivia lost all thought, rational or other, her body vibrated with his words. She was his. This was true. He was hers. The possessiveness and finality of his words made her believe them, as much as she wished she'd been able to fortify a few walls before his reentrance, the feeling of letting him in was overwhelming. She was sick of shutting him out, of shutting everyone out. She needed him, so what? He needed her too. They'd always been codependent but were too stubborn to allow it to bleed anywhere but into their jobs.

He could feel the wetness and the heat against his palm, he could feel her muscles contracting from just the other side of her panties. He wanted nothing more than to touch her again, beneath the material, but he wanted to wait until he could do so properly. The thought of fully removing his hand from her was too daunting a task though, so he kept it there, stagnant, teasing. He felt her subtly shift, attempting to encourage his movement, but he was less than a minute from his apartment she could wait.

Parking the car took one minute, but the make out session that began as soon as the leaver was shifted into park took a while. It was as if a mutual understanding was reached because as soon as the car stopped they met in the middle, tongues tasting, teeth clashing. In the near privacy of the deserted parking lot, Elliot pulled her into his lap. Between his body and the steering wheel Olivia felt deliciously squished, her nearly naked center clothed only in lacy fell directly against his bulging manhood. She immediately ground down earning a loud groan from Elliot. Her forehead found home against his as their breathing intermingled between them. His fingers wrapped around the large muscles in her ass pulling her more firmly against him, guiding her to slide her clit against his zipper. Her fingers took hold of his shoulder for leverage as she pushed herself into him harder. A garbled moan escaped her lips as the friction stimulated her swollen nerves. She began to tear at his button down, trying to gain more skin to skin contact.

"Wait…" He breathed into her mouth, her frustration was apparent at his request. "Lets go upstairs." She ignored him continuing to grind on his dick, pushing against him trying to force him to penetrate her through their clothes. "Liv," he started again.

"Goddamn it Elliot. Just fuck me!" She heaved against him. The amount of frustration she was feeling was incredible, all she needed was his penis to breach her opening and she'd be over the edge, then they could wait and do it properly. Elliot nearly gave in, if only to appease her desperation, the voice she used was teetering on painful. He realized she must've not had the opportunity to get off once… or twice… as he'd been able to in the shower. He'd had a few moments of painful hardness after their near hookup the previous night, but had been able to find time to sneak off and relieve some of the pressure. She had been working nearly non stop since the previous night, so he decided to take mercy on her.

He slid his hand under the front of her skirt, bunching it up to her waist. Her fingers dug painfully into his shoulder as he slipped his fingers into her panties without warning. If she needed him to take care of her, take some of her painful arousal away, he wouldn't tease her this time. There would be plenty of time to take it slow when she wasn't so keyed up, right now she needed a release if she was going to be able to enjoy herself at all later. He felt the flood of wetness that was unbelievable. He knew she was wet, the outside of her panties was soaked, but this was beyond anything he'd ever felt. Her skin felt like she'd just left a shower, he couldn't gain any friction at her clit and easily slipped one finger into her blazing heat. She was still vice tight, but the wetness allowed him easy entry with this thick digit. Her mouth fell open as she leaned back a bit to allow him access. A loud whimper escaped her lips at his sudden acceptance of her request. She felt herself begin to rock against his finger, the digit began curling inside her pulling her hips forward with each motion.

"That's it Liv, that's it baby." A moan escaped her lips hearing his deep timbre again, the fuck me voice that would surely haunt her dreams. The whimpers began and once she started she couldn't stop. She rode his fingers as he slipped a second into her tight opening. Olivia's breaths hit his lips as he held her impossibly close. His other hand moved from its former position on her ass to slide to her chest finding her exposed breast beneath the tank. "Fuck Liv. That's it. God, you're so wet. I can feel how tight you're getting. Keep going baby. Keep going." He couldn't believe he was coaxing an orgasm from Olivia as she rode his fingers, on his lap, in the driver seat of his car. He'd never been one to talk, or even make a sound during sex, but something about it being Olivia he was touching made him want to please every part of her body including her auditory track and mind. He didn't want there to be any doubt who was producing her pleasure. He felt her muscles begin to contract against his knuckles and he kept the steady pace of curls while applying pressure with the heel of his palm to her clit. Her whimpers turned to yelps as she rode harder grinding down on his dick with more vigor.

"Don't stop," she pleads as she felt the orgasm began to roll over her, "Fuck El, right there!" Hearing her voice on the cusp of orgasm send him into his own painful state, his dick hardening even more in the vice of his jeans. Her ass grinding against it causing a delicious friction mixed with pain of it not being enough caused him to buck up into her his fingers tugging at the nipple caged by the tape that fought to restrain it. Her orgasm took over, she latched her teeth to his neck without another though biting down hard trying to both stop and draw out the intense pleasure as her muscles contracted, stimulated simultaneously by the butt of his hand rubbing against her exposed nerves. "Let go Liv, cum on my fingers. That's it baby. Fuck you're so fucking sexy." His mouth found her neck as she stayed latched to his. He kissed and sucked gently at her pulse point drawing out the contractions threatening to push his hand from her center. He thrust harder into her using every muscle in his already extremely tired forearm. His hand cramped long ago, but he would endure the pain if it meant giving her this much pleasure. The flood of wetness coated his fingers, he could feel it running from between his first and second finger and dripping down to his exposed jeans.

Her teeth finally let up on his neck, as did the contractions, though they were still pulsing in waves through her body. Elliot could feel her inner thighs contract around his waist from being stretched for so long in combination with her intense orgasm. He could imagine what it would feel like if he were inside her, feeling each pulsation of her inner and outer muscles against his sensitive dick. The thought made him groan causing her to lift her head from its spot between his shoulder and neck. She assessed his face, taking in the flush, then noting the hardness just below her ass. He must be in pain now, she had been and he'd taken care of her, now he was and they were still no closer to his bedroom. She placed a quick peck on his lips as he removed his soaking pruned fingers from her folds. She hissed at the loss of contact, wanting nothing more than to replace his fingers with his penis.

"Well… uh thanks." She half joked, as she looked down slightly embarrassed by her desperation coupled with the flood of wetness she'd just leaked onto his pants. Elliot could feel the wetness begin to evaporate from his pants causing an uncomfortable clammy feeling coupled with his own arousal at the thought her inner juices were intimately touching him.

"Any time." He smiled back at her, "Now how about we head upstairs?" He hoped her slight relief wouldn't cause her to rethink their night, though if she did he'd be more than happy to draw it out for another time and take care of his painful erection himself with the new memory bank of images and feelings of her body.

Olivia slid back into her seat before attempting to readjust her panties, but they were so stretched from where his hand had been combined with the moisture it was nearly impossible. She glanced in his direction seeing him distracted with unbuckling and readjusting his erection in his own pants, she slid her hands up to her hips in the still bunched material of her skirt and pulled the underwear down and off her legs around her heels. When she finished she looked back over at Elliot, his eyes were dilated and his chest was flushed again, he held out his hand and she obliged without a second thought. He brought the panties to his nose and took a breath before he shoved the soaking material into the pocket of his jacket. Her mouth hung open, she should've assumed that if they ever did cross the line that they'd be intoxicated with each other, and apparently, kinky.

They made it towards the elevator without encountering a single sole in his building, but just as the elevator dinged a group of twenty something's were flowing out. Elliot grabbed a hold of Olivia's hips and pulled her in front of him in an effort to block the soaking wet spot on the front of his jeans. His strong hands holding her hips in place as he pressed accidentally into her ass were enough to wind her right back up again. She was flooded with images of him holding her hips roughly as he fucked her from behind. She wondered if he would pull her hair, pull her shoulders, shove her face into the pillows, or if he would play with her ass as he drove into her. He had to force her first few steps, as she was too lost in the daydream to participate in steering them into the elevator. Once inside, alone, he pushed her back into the back wall sliding his hands up her outer leg trailing up her skirt pulling it again to hold by her waist. She could feel his hardness pressing into her core, now fully exposed to the rough material of his jeans "Fuck." She ground out feeling the friction on her recently abused clit.

"I want you." He whispered against her lips as he initiated another passionate make out session.

"You have me." She muttered back, muffled by his lips on hers.

"I want all of you Liv. Not just this. I don't want to see another man's hands on you ever again. I want you, I want Noah, I want to be yours and you to be mine."

She pulled back from his mouth before responding with the same words again, "You have me." Sealing the promise with another deep kiss. She meant it, he already had her, he'd never lost her, he just wasn't there for it. He'd had her heart over twenty years ago, and though she didn't want to admit it, the ten years did nothing to squash the love she felt for him. The ding of the elevator prompted them to separate again and make it just to his door before he pinned her hands against the wood frame before descending on her mouth and neck, marking her skin as his. He released one of her hands to fumble with his keys. He wanted more of her than he could take from outside the privacy of his own home. 'So much for going slow.' He thought as he pushed her inside. Immediately he began tugging her jacket down her arms as hers flew to the buttons of his dress shirt, her patience wore thin at button number three and she held each side of his shirt before pulling with all her force scattering the buttons across his apartment. The blatant show of aggression caused Elliot to throw her into the closed door as he finally got her tank over her head, nearly ripping the material. Her breasts were exposed except for these little nude flower stickers that obscured his view of her nipples. He bent his head down and tugged one with his teeth from her left breast before using his short fingernail to remove the right. He'd seen her breasts prior, but he didn't think he'd ever grow tired or used to seeing them for the first time each time. The scars faded to the background as her pebbled nipples strained against the white skin that contrasted with the normal olive tone of the rest of her body. The beads begged to be sucked so he took her left in his mouth pulling with his teeth and sucking. He felt her response before he heard it, a deep vibration in her chest rumbled against him before his ears heard the deep vocalization of a moan. Her nails scraped at his back, trying to tug the fabric of his undershirt up over his head.

They'd wasted enough time, Olivia would've been happy to pop her hypothetical cherry the previous night had Elliot not wanted to wait, always the choirboy, wanting to give her time to think. She didn't care where they fucked for the first time, as long as it happened, then continued. Judging by his movements, his patience was wearing thin as well. She could feel his desperation in the way his teeth bit at the tender flesh of her nipple. She'd asked for it rough, as she had with her previous boyfriends, but none of them got the message, especially after Lewis. Elliot didn't treat her like she was fragile, about to break, he took what she offered ten fold and followed her every lead just as he'd done in their partnership. He got the message and detached himself from her breast, before pulling his shirt over his head in one motion. Olivia used the opportunity to grab hold of his belt, tugging it out of the loops before popping the buttons open and tugging the zipper down. Elliot could already feel the relief of being allowed some escape from his jean prison, his body instinctually grabbed hold of her thigh hoisting her leg high on his hop before pushing his jeans down leaving him in only his black briefs. She felt his length push against her exposed core, only with the hoop of her skirt around her waist, naked otherwise. He seemed to realize this and dropped her leg to completely remove all her clothing. They stood for a moment, panting, realizing they were about to fuck against the front door of his apartment. He took in her naked form standing before him. He'd seen her the previous night, but there was a different glow about her tonight. He noticed how his eyes no longer chose to focus on her scars and noticed details on how her wetness had trailed down her leg, how her left nipple reflected light from where his mouth had laid claim while her right lay un-moistened. Her breasts heaved under the influx of air to her lungs and her hair was tousled, giving him a glimpse at what Olivia Benson's sex hair looked like. Olivia took in the details of his chest, red with heat, the way his pink nipples were puckered in arousal, the scattering of hair extended around his nipples and down his chest, breaking then picking back up below his bellybutton. She could see the hair trial disappear into his briefs and her fingers followed the line gently touching the hair just above the top of his waistband. She felt rather than saw his breath hitch at her sudden contact. His blues bore into her browns as she watched his face contort as she slid her hand below the fabric. Her nails immediately met the wet tip of his penis, poking almost out the top of his underwear. She nearly gasped at the feeling of the precum already coating her fingertip. She slid further, cupping his shaft pushing the material down his hip as she went. His hips bucked into her hand and Elliot held her cheek as he held eye contact. Her tongue darted out to wet her lips as he hungrily watched her. She slid further still, sliding down to cup his balls. His eyes slipped shut as she toyed with them tangling in the cropped hair she found there. She'd had the chance to be face to face with his dick last night, but feeling it blind made her appreciate it even more, plus knowing it would soon be inside her in the most intimate way seemed to increase her senses. He pushed against her hand, wanting her to wrap those long delicate fingers around his shaft and pump a few times to relieve pressure.

Just as she was there she left, the warmth of her hand, the brush of her hair against his cheek, the pressure of her forehead against his. He slammed his eyes open and watched as she beckoned him towards his bedroom. He quickly discarded the halfway removed briefs before nearly running after her. She squealed as he took her in his arms again gently depositing her on the mattress. While their time together the previous night had been spent nearly naked, the finality of having their bodies connect in such an intimate way nearly drove her past the point of break. His chest pushed against hers as his hips fell squarely against her sex. His penis was already trying to line up as if by its own accord, pushing towards her entrance by some extraterrestrial force. Elliot slipped both hands into her hair taking a moment to take in her beauty. Her lipstick had long since been removed by his rough kisses. The bruising of her neck had begun to rise, also due to his lips. The hair previously neatly curled at her shoulders was nearly balled into a nest at the top of her head, stray hairs fanning out framing her face. Her mascara and eyeliner still remained perfectly in place giving her the perfect accent to bring out the green and yellow flecks in her brown orbs. Her eyes flitted back and forth between his trying to read his mind, as always. Olivia took in how beautiful his eyes were, there was only a small lamp on his dresser, but it gave off enough light for her to notice all the varying shades of blue and some green that created the shade unique to Elliot. He'd developed more lines around his eyes, and a few more on his forehead, but they told a story and she felt as if she could trace his origin using them. His lips had a small scar on them, though she was unsure if it was from their time together or not. She had intentionally tried not to memorize his lips when they were partners. She felt an overwhelming sense of safety and love while he held her close, looking into her soul. His fingers kept tracing the skin between her hairline and neck, as he seemed to memorize the moment.

After what felt like a lifetime Elliot broke the silence, "Are you sure?" of course he needed further consent before conceding to something so life altering. While he didn't think they could ever go back to just friends after what they'd done previously, this would the final nail in the coffin. He knew that he would never be able to just be friends with her after this moment, but he never wanted to be anything but what they were becoming. His heart beat faster as he saw her nod gently giving him a reassuring smile. He trailed a finger down her body, grazing her nipple as he went. He knew she was still wet, but they'd foregone foreplay with the intention of dragging out the sex instead of teasing each other as they had the previous night. His hand was abruptly stopped by hers, which took hold and brought it back up past her head. She bent her elbow and effectively encouraged him to pin her left arm down on the bed. Olivia took her right and traced down his flecks of hair as she had previously. She dipped her finger into his bellybutton, feeling his abs contract at the slight tickle and tease. Her fingers made it to just above where his penis lay against her stomach, trailing down the slit before pushing gently on his abs to get him to shift backwards so she could line them up. She knew she would be sore, it had been a while and she wasn't exactly stretched to his size, but she wanted to feel the delicious burn that accompanies the first time in a long time. She didn't want the foreplay and the stretching and the preparing, she just wanted him.

His tip dipped into her opening and his breath caught in his throat. Her fingers tightened around his shaft before she slid it up and down her folds twice to gather some of her moisture to wet the tip of him. Her legs slid open more and Elliot held his breath as she sat him at her entrance giving him all the prompting he needed before returning her hand to his back. She felt him hesitate, looking into her eyes once more before he pushed gently at her opening. She felt her tight walls stretch over the head of him trying to adjust. He paused, a deep groan rumbling from his throat as he allowed her to get used to the start of his intrusion. He pushed an inch more causing her breath to hitch, but she didn't dare close her eyes. She could see the emotions flowing from his into hers, and she wouldn't dare break the spell they were under. He pushed again this time dropping his head to her forehead and breathing heavily against her lips. She trailed her fingertips down his back landing just above his ass. She used the leverage to lift her calf and wind it around the back of his thigh effectively pulling his entire mass down on top of her. This caused his penis to slide fully inside of her. She could feel him hit her cervix and she gasped at the sudden onslaught of pain and pleasure.

"Holy fuck." He breathed against her as he watched her face for signs of pain. She slipped her hand lower gripping the taunt muscles of his ass, encouraging him wordlessly to slip out and pump back in. He moved gently pulling only a centimeter out before pushing just as gently back in. She felt herself stretch and grow as she adjusted to his size and girth. He pulled out a little further, pulling gently at her tangled hair. He pushed back in with slightly more force causing a deep breath to expel from her lungs. He paused making sure she wasn't in pain. He slid out again, this time bringing his head from her forehead down to her ear. His breath tickled her neck causing bumps to rise across her body further puckering her nipples. "Liv." He moaned against the sensitive flesh of her ear drawing out a loud moan from her lips. He began to feel her respond, willingly lifting her hips to take more of him. He brought his hand from her arm that had been pinned at her head, trailed it down her inner arm, to her nipple. He gently grazed it as he pumped only a fraction out of her and back in, still withholding the powerful thrusts she knew he was capable of. She could feel the muscles of his thighs hard against her as he tried to restrain his movements. Olivia knew he was trying not to hurt her, but she'd fully adjusted to him now and she wanted him to take her. She brought his face back up to hers pulling his lips into her mouth one at a time, biting and sucking at the bottom lip before she released it with a pop. That increased his thrusts slightly, but not enough. He was still buried too deep, pushing too gently into her. She lifted her ass a bit shifting their position slightly causing him to slip even deeper, a groan escaping his lips. She moved to wiggle against him, still he continued with the gentle thrusts. Finally after her third hint, she redistributed her entire body weight, throwing him roughly onto his back. His eyes widened in shock, but she took the opportunity to slide fully up, then back down his dick as he found her hips with his fingers.

"Holy shit." He moaned as he felt her take control from this new position. Her hands found his chest and she sat fully up on him, enjoying the view from above. She could see his breathing pattern, each pass of breath through his lungs; how his abs contracted as her pussy gripped his dick. He trailed his eyes down her body; her hair was tossed to one side, her shoulders and arm muscles flexed as she used his chest for leverage to slide up and down his shaft. Her lids were at half-mast lazily taking in his body as he took in hers. He watched as her breasts gently bounced, the force of her two gently pumps causing ripples through them. He saw her taunt stomach then her glistening folds absorb his shaft only to reproduce it moments later. He nearly lost it, watching Olivia Benson's pussy take his dick was enough to send him into an orgasm alone. He took hold of her hips, his body dictating his movements now over his mind. He tested the waters pulling her down a bit harder forcing himself a fraction deeper into her. He heard her whine from above but couldn't tear his eyes from her dripping sex. He could see his shaft glistening with her wetness as she moved faster. He pumped her two more times before he sat up, pulling her to meet him halfway, he scooted up to the headboard, forcing her legs to wrap around his back, the motion causing him to slip impossibly deeper into her sex. His hands roughly gripped the backs of her thighs as he began to move her with more ferocity against him. She ground back and forth in the new position allowing her to rub her clit against his lower stomach. He held one hand at her back and one hand in her hair as he held her eyes. His hips began to move from below to meet the powerful thrusts. Olivia leaned her head in biting at his already bruised pulse point.

"Fuck." The words slipped from her mouth, prompting another hard thrust from Elliot. Hearing her sex voice was sending him over the edge, he could feel her pussy walls gripping him tighter, but he wanted to starve off his orgasm until she had toppled and completed hers. He wanted to be able to feel each of her contractions around his hard dick, not small after waves around his flaccid one.

"God Liv you feel so fucking good."

"Fuck El, I can't believe you're actually fucking me." Her confession hung in the hair and he pulled her back to look at him.

"Me either. I've wanted to hold you like this, make love to you like this for as long as I can remember." He pulled her impossibly close while continuing to move and grind her onto his dick.

"Ugh, me too El." Her breathing became higher pitched as her eyes widened watching him, "Fuck, please," she couldn't complete the sentence; the waves of pleasure were beginning to roll in again, more powerfully this time.

Elliot could feel her walls tighten around him, warning him she was about to fall off the cliff, "Please what baby? Tell me."

"Fuck. Me." She said with a breath in between. She felt his fingers tighten around her hips, his one hand detangling from her hair to further the leverage, "Please El" He'd never once, never, heard her beg for anything in his life, "Fuck me, please." He lifted her more before slamming her down on him. He felt her breasts jump and her whining became higher pitched coupled with a couple more pleads. He could feel his balls drawing up, tightening in preparation for an orgasm. His fingers were surely making bruises in the flesh of her hips, "That's it, fuck me, yes El please, yes right there!" Her pleads grew in both volume and pitch as he felt her flutter and then clamp around his shaft. He continued to pump her up and down as her nails drew blood at his shoulder, her head falling against his forehead as they kept eye contact through her orgasm.

She continued to moan and whisper encouragement in the air between them as he felt the clamping intensify, threatening to push him from inside her, instead he pushed with his thighs finding home deep within her as he shouted, "Fuck Liv, I'm going to cum! Fuck I love you Liv." He jerked within her, spilling close to her cervix as he saw black spots cloud his vision of her beautiful browns.

"That's it El, yes cum for me, fuck I love you too." She felt a tear escape the corner of her eye at the confession. They'd said it already, but in the heat of the moment she felt it even more clearly. He continued to move against her as they both came down from their highs. His fingers releasing the excessive pressure against her hip, though his impression remained. He wrapped his arms around her back as he placed gentle kisses against her closed mouth, moving to her cheeks then her eyes, then her forehead. His lips lingered there trying to calm his own breathing and contain the few tears he himself had shed. The intensity of the whole experience hit him as he sat with his dick still inside her, his cum mixing with her fluids leaking between them, her arms wrapped around his neck and her chest against his. He pulled back gently to catch her gaze again, and could see the starting's of another tear in the corner.

"Are you okay?" He whispered, "Did I hurt you?" Concern was evident on his face. He started to lift her, to alleviate some of her pain, but she tightened her grip around him, fluttering a muscle inside her as well causing his breath to catch.

"I love you." She reiterated, "I really really love you." He smiled pulling her in for a sweet kiss.

"I love you, Liv."