Once again thank you so much for your lovely reviews! I glad you liked the little side story with Daniel :-)

I sure hope you're up for some emotions... there will be lots of them in this chapter! But first... let's see if Daniel is well ;-)

Chapter 12

"Aunt Erin, why do you look so pretty?", Daniel exclaimed, sitting in his bed with a big bandage around his nose and part of his head. His surgery had been two days ago, two days in which he had proudly told every child in the pediatric ward that he had killed a monster in his head. Everything had gone well and they were all extremely relieved that Daniel was doing good and his vision was already improving a little bit.

"She's looking so pretty because I'm taking her out on a date", Jay explained, smiling at her when he put his arm around her shoulders. They were going to be on call for New Year's Eve, so Hank had given them the afternoon and evening off. Since their first date after Erin had come back to Chicago, they had tried to have a date night at least twice a month. Tonight, they were going to have an early dinner and then go to the movies, and they had decided to visit Daniel in hospital before.

"Hey, how is my favorite little patient?" The door opened and the younger Halstead entered the room. "Your patient? When did you become a pediatrician or neurosurgeon?", she heard Jay ask his brother teasingly. "Am I not allowed to look after my future sister-in-law's nephew?" Her heart jumped a little when Will called her his future sister-in-law. The thought of being Jay's wife one day made her incredibly happy. "Don't listen to him. I appreciate you coming and taking care of us, Will", Olive said with a smile on her face.

"Well, we gotta go. See you soon, big boy!" He high-fived Daniel before helping Erin put on the down coat he had given her for Christmas. "Bye, see you soon!" The little boy waved when they left the room, his arm wrapped around his girlfriend's waist as he was leading her back outside to their car. He loved their date nights, and he was really looking forward to tonight, even though they were going to watch a romantic comedy.

The movie had been a lot of fun and their dinner before had been great as well. They were on their way home now, and she couldn't help but think about how much her life had changed in the last months. She hadn't ever expected herself to be this happy one day, to be in a relationship with an amazing guy she was crazy in love with and who actually loved her back the same way.

"Erin? Baby?" He gently put his hand on her shoulder, feeling her startle at his touch. "Are you okay? We arrived like two minutes ago and you haven't moved." He smiled at her half worried, half affectionately. "Really?" Her obvious confusion made him chuckle. "Yeah… seems like you were far away in your thoughts." He took her hand and squeezed it softly.

She nodded, biting her lower lip. "I was thinking about how much I love this." She saw him raise his eyebrows. "Love what?" Taking a deep breath, surprised by her own thoughts and emotions, she explained with a soft, whispering voice: "Being not only a tough detective, but simply someone's girlfriend… going out on dates… having other women watch jealously because my boyfriend is not only incredibly handsome, but also knows how to treat me right…" Lowering her eyes, she added quietly: "Depending on someone… I have always been independent, not daring and not wanting to depend on anyone else because I could trust no one but myself." She slowly lifted her head again to meet his eyes with hers. "I never thought it could possibly feel so good to be depending on someone… to know that you can allow yourself to be weak sometimes because there is someone who will always catch you when you fall."

He had been holding his breath while listening to her confession. Her words made his heart melt and he could feel tears glisten in his eyes. She was without a doubt the strongest woman he knew, but it made him incredibly happy that she allowed him to see this fragile side of her that nobody else ever got to see. Leaning into her for a tender kiss, he whispered against her lips:" I love you so much, Erin! And I will never, ever let you fall!" Their lips met and their kiss soon grew deeper, the center console being in the way. "Let's go inside", he suggested huskily, to which she gladly agreed.

Once they had entered their apartment and taken off their coats and shoes, she felt him lift her up and carry her into the bedroom while sharing a passionate kiss. She started opening the buttons of his shirt as soon as he gently let her down on the floor, covering his bare chest with sweet kisses while he found the zipper of her dress on her back. When all of their clothes were scattered on the floor, she leaned in for another longing kiss, her one hand slowly wandering down over his stomach to his crotch, teasing him with her fingers while she pushed him back onto the bed.

Her soft fingers brushing against his private parts made his legs go weak, so he just fell onto the mattress, taking her with him. He started to fondly caress her breasts, not able to carry on for long when she started to kiss his neck, his shoulders and his chest, gently sucking on his nipples before moving down to his stomach. He sighed happily at the feeling, not thinking much of it until he suddenly felt her soft lips where his legs joined, causing him to stiffen and reach out for her immediately. "Erin, wait!" He sat up to be able to look into her eyes. "Baby… you don't have to do this. I know how you feel about it and that it means really bad memories for you." Softly caressing her cheek with his hand, he continued. "Please don't ever think you have to do this because you believe you owe me anything or you have to give me anything in return for what I do for you. I'd rather have you never touch me this way than know you do something you don't feel one hundred percent comfortable with."

Her heart melted at his concern, causing her to move back up to him with watery eyes. "Jay… I want to do this. Yes, I admit I wasn't ready for it in the past, and I explained to you why some time ago. But… this is maybe the most intimate way possible to touch someone, and it's something that should be reserved for someone you truly love." She looked at him with all the love and affection she felt for him. "And that's why I want to experience this with you. Plus, this is the last bad memory that is to be replaced by a good one… by a memory with you."

He looked at her with tears in his eyes and trembling lips, not knowing what to say. His heart felt like it was going to burst with all the love he had for the beautiful woman in front of him, who had endured so much in the past, yet trusted him blindly. It wasn't what she was about to do that mattered to him. He could have lived without that if it had been for her well-being. What mattered was her reasons for wanting to do it. He softly cupped her cheeks with his palms, placing a gentle kiss on her lips. "Are you sure?" He could see her swallow down her own tears as she nodded, looking endearingly shy but still confident about her decision. "Absolutely." Her raspy voice sent shivers down his spine and he allowed her to slowly push him back into the cushions.

She felt her heart race in her chest when she kissed herself down his body again, ready to pleasure him with her mouth for the very first time. She didn't know why it had taken her such a long time to be ready for it, but now it felt perfectly right. Settling between his legs, she stroked him gently before cupping his balls with her hand and starting to place featherlike kisses on his length. It made her heart jump when she heard him gasp, his hips twitching at her touch. When she reached his sensitive tip, she lingered there a little longer, eventually parting her lips to suck at him tenderly, loving how he reacted to her when he arched his back and groaned in pleasure. She wrapped her hand around his shaft and started to stroke up and down gently, increasing the pressure every now and then. Replacing her lips with her thumb, carefully rubbing his tip, she went down a little more and started kissing and licking his balls.

He drew in a sharp breath when he felt her lips and tongue caress his crown jewels, his fingers digging into the sheets below him. "Oh my God… baby… that… wow…", he gasped breathlessly. Her touches were so soft yet so incredibly intense that his whole body felt like it was set on fire. When he finally felt her taking him into her mouth, her tongue circling around him in an almost shy way, he couldn't keep his hips from bucking up slightly. The last thing he wanted was to push her to do anything she didn't feel comfortable with, so he tried to stay completely still, allowing her to be in control of everything.

She could feel that he was trying to control himself, loving him even more for thinking about her well-being in this situation. But she didn't want him to hold back. After having moved her lips up and down his shaft some more, licking across the soft skin, she stayed at the top and whispered huskily: "Let go, baby!" She wrapped her lips around him and started sucking again while circling his most sensitive spot with her tongue, her fingers fondly grazing his balls. It surprised her how amazing all of this made her feel. When she felt he was getting close, she didn't allow him to push her away, wanting to taste him when he was going to come. The sound of him moaning her name loudly when he finally exploded was music in her ears, and she kept caressing him with her mouth, not letting go of him until his body started to calm down.

He wasn't sure whether his heart and his breathing were ever going to settle to a normal rate again. The climax she had brought him to left him trembling long after its last waves had subsided. When he felt like he was capable of voluntary movements again, he reached down to pull her up into his arms, wanting to hold her close and never let go of her again. He gently pulled her head against his chest so she could feel his racing heartbeat, running his fingers through her hair. "Thank you so much, baby. That was amazing", he whispered after a while. He felt her lift her head before their eyes met.

"You don't need to thank me for loving you", she repeated the words he had once used after making love to her. She slowly bent down to meet his lips with hers in a long kiss that didn't even end when he turned them over so she was lying on her back. She moaned into the kiss as she felt his hand travel down between her legs, his fingers gently parting her folds. When he started to kiss down her body, she trembled in anticipation, but she still touched his arm to stop him. "Baby… you don't have to… I mean… in return…" It surprised her how fast he was back up on eye-level with her, placing a finger on her lips.

"Baby… would you please just shut up and let me make love to you?", he whispered with a tender smile before moving back down to kiss the most intimate part of her body. Gently caressing her inner thighs, he parted her with his tongue and sucked softly at the sensitive skin. He felt her body tremble and heard her breath irregularly, knowing that whenever he touched her like this, she easily gave up any control. Brushing her clit with his upper lip, he slowly started to thrust into her with his tongue.

A high-pitched squeak left her lips and she threw her head back when she felt his tongue inside of her. Unable to control herself, she started moving her hips to meet his thrusts, the feeling of his lip against her most sensitive spot driving her crazy. He was so incredibly good at this! Like always, he quickly brought her close to the edge, but he managed to keep her there for what felt like an eternity. "Jay… please…", she gasped when the need to finally find release became overwhelming. He replaced his tongue with a finger, and when he began to softly suck on her clit, her body exploded in a shattering orgasm.

Not having come down from her high yet, she barely noticed that he had come up to her again. Only when she felt him enter her still clenching core did she realize what happened, the sensation being so intense that he sent her flying over the edge for a second time before her first climax had even subsided.

Feeling her walls clench around him in ecstasy when she came again, harder than before, almost had him lose control over his body right away. But he wanted this amazing night to last longer for both of them, so he started to move inside of her with very slow thrusts to prolong her orgasm. He placed fluttering kisses on her face while she was still trembling in pleasure.

Her heart was still pounding rapidly in her chest and she was breathing heavily. She felt like she had been really close to losing consciousness, but it hadn't scared her at all. It had been the most amazing feeling and she was absolutely sure that she had the most blissful smile on her face when she finally opened her eyes to meet his crystal blue ones. His incredibly slow thrusts, almost as if he was caressing her from inside, felt so peaceful and intimate that it brought tears to her eyes. She wrapped her legs around him to keep him close and cupped his face with her hands. "I love you so much, Jay", she whispered.

"I love you too, Erin… more than anything in the world." He kissed her deeply without breaking eye contact before he slowly began to increase the speed and depth of his thrusts, eventually bringing them both to one more orgasm that night. Later, when their bodies had finally relaxed and she was snuggled up closely to his side, he placed a soft kiss on her forehead. "I know you don't want me to thank you for loving me. But I want to thank you for trusting me the way you do. It really means the world to me, Erin." – "Always", he heard her whisper against his skin sleepily before he felt her breathing even out.

The last day of the year had been surprisingly quiet so they had been able to welcome the new year at Molly's with the whole team. They had left not long after midnight though since they were still on call for New Year's Day and chances were high that there would actually be work for them to do. It took her a moment to figure out what had woken her up when she opened her eyes to the nightly darkness of their bedroom.

"Run!" Hearing his panic-struck scream and suddenly feeling his arm hit across her chest, she quickly realized he was having a nightmare. He was tossing and turning next to her, screaming as another delayed firework exploded somewhere outside. Switching on the light, she could see his contorted face that was covered in sweat, and her heart broke instantly at the sight. "Jay? Jay! Wake up, please!" She tried to gently shake him but had to back away when he almost hit her again. Knowing that she had to wake him up somehow, she wondered how she could do it without hurting him and without being hurt. She wasn't scared of getting hurt, but she knew that he wouldn't forgive himself if he harmed her in any way. Trying to hold him close wasn't an option, it would probably cause him to panic even more since he was trapped in a nightmare about Afghanistan. Slapping him across the face might have worked, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She had to find a way of approaching him that wouldn't remind him of the horrors of war. So, without hesitating for another second, she leaned into him, cupped his face with both hands and pressed her lips on his for a kiss.

His instant defense only lasted for a second, and she was glad she had already expected him to sit up when being pulled out of his nightmare, because otherwise he would probably have knocked her over when his body shot up to a sitting position, his eyes wide with fear while he was breathing heavily. His sudden movement had broken the kiss, but she was still holding his face, leaning her forehead against his now. "Shhh… you're okay, baby. It was only a nightmare. I got you. I'm right here with you. You're safe." She tried to calm him down with a soothing voice.

The pictures of collapsing buildings and broken bodies had faded, but the smell of fire, blood and burnt flesh was still there, as were the screams of dying men. His heart was racing in his chest and he had trouble breathing. Her voice seemed to come from somewhere far away, not yet able to fully reach him. While the heat from the place he had been at in his dream had been unbearable, he started shivering badly at the sudden chill of their bedroom, his body soaked with sweat. Slowly, his eyes adjusted to the dim light from the nightstand. Once he met her beautiful hazel eyes that were filled with love and worry, telling him that he was in a safe place, all of the energy that had kept him alive in his dream seemed to leave his body and he started crying as he collapsed into her arms.

Seeing him like this, tortured by his memories, caused her heart to shatter into thousands of small pieces. She wrapped her arms around him tightly and lay back on her back, pulling him with her to hold and comfort him. Soothingly running her fingers across his back, she felt her nightshirt slowly become wet with his tears and sweat. She placed a soft kiss on his hair, whispering: "It's okay… I have you, Jay. I'll keep you safe." After a while, she felt him relax in her arms, his sobs slowly fading.

"You know… at first, you can barely sleep at night because every detonation, no matter how far away, scares the shit out of you." His voice was heavy from crying. "Then, after a while, you get used to it and they don't even wake you up anymore." Feeling her fingers gently running through his damp hair calmed him, but he still had to swallow hard before he continued. "And then, one of those bombs hits your camp in the middle of the night. There's fire and dust everywhere… and bricks and blood and dead comrades… and afterwards, you never sleep through detonations again."

She fought back her tears, wanting to be strong for him. Pulling him even closer to her chest, she kissed his forehead and caressed the back of his neck. "I'm so sorry you have to go through those experiences haunting you in your sleep." She felt him snuggle up to her even more, his body still shivering. Searching for his hand with hers, lacing their fingers together, she calmly suggested: "Let's go take a shower… you need to get out of these clothes." When he lifted his head to nod, she could see his face was less contorted than before, but his eyes still seemed haunted. She kissed him softly before getting up, pulling him with her and leading him to the bathroom.

He just stood there, shivering from the cold, while she slowly undressed first him, then herself. Too weak for any active movements of his own, he let her lead him into the shower, feeling her wrap her arms around him again as the warm water hit his shaken body. They stood there for a while, holding each other close, before she pulled away slightly, grabbed the bottle of shower gel and started washing him. There was nothing sexual in her actions at all, her touches were nothing but caring. He closed his eyes when she softly massaged his head before rinsing the shampoo out of his hair.

Once they got out of the shower, she gently dried him off and wrapped him in a towel, pushing him down to sit on the side of the bathtub while she was drying off herself. She went to the bedroom, put on a nightgown and came back with a new pajama for him, helping him to put it on. Next, she blow-dried his hair, sitting down next to him to be able to hold him while she was blow-drying her own. When she was done, she took his hand and led him back to the bedroom, placing him on her side of the bed while she was changing his sheets.

They hadn't spoken a word since they had gotten out of the bed, for once because actions spoke louder than words anyways, but also because his thankfulness for her caring for him like this was beyond words. He wondered why he had ever doubted her being able to carry his load. She was his safe haven, the rock in the surf that he could hold on to when he was in danger of spiraling down into the swirl of his dark memories. There was no doubt in his mind that he would be lost without her. When she sat down next to him, pulling him into her arms and lying back down with him, he cuddled up to her and buried his head against her chest, seeking the safety of her embrace and her steady heartbeat to keep him calm. "Thank you", he finally whispered as she pulled a blanket over their entwined bodies.

She slightly shook her head, trying to tell him that he never needed to thank her for being there for him. Her heart broke for him when he suffered like this, but she was beyond thankful that he had learned to open up to her, to lean on her and to let her be there for him. She couldn't just take all of his demons away, but being able to care for him helped her to stay strong because she knew she could ease his pain. "Try to sleep", she whispered tenderly. "I will be here to protect you."