Okay guys, short warning this chapter contains Smut. Pretty please let me know what you think!
Well. That was absolutely not what she had expected. At all.
"Why-why are you asking me this? Ye-yesterday you broke up with me… now you want to marry me… I-I don't see the logic behind that"
"Carissa" he said "I will explain everything. Just answer the question"
"Will my answer influence the fact whether or not you'll tell me?" he was silent for some seconds then shook his head
"I will answer all your questions if you answer mine" she bit her lip
"Spock I… I really don't know what to say" she looked at him "I don't know what's become of you and if that is just another trick or something" she swallowed and tried to say something but her voice didn't work
"I assure you that I am being serious. But if you need time… I can understand" he seemed like he was about to leave but she stopped him by calling his name
"It's just… I'm afraid… you sound like it's a very, very important decision and that everything will change no matter what I say. And that freaks me out. I-I just want things to be as they always have been… be-because" she looked at him "if you had asked me a week ago I would have said yes right away. But now I'm afraid that everything between us has changed" she felt tears in her eyes and sniffed "Can you promise me that things between us can go back to normal?"
"Define normal"
"As they have been before all of this happened. I mean… everything on Relia. Ever since you've been behaving so odd" he gave a nod
"I give you my word that everything will be fine after we have sorted it out. Can you agree to this?" she nodded and wiped her nose with the back of her hand.
"Yes" she mumbled "And yes"
"Yes to what?" the corners of her mouth twitched up
"Your initial question" he looked actually relieved and remained silent "But-but what is that all about?" he closed his eyes for a second
"What I am about to tell you might want to make you change your mind"
"Why would it?"
"You will understand once I have explained everything. Please promise to keep it confidential"
"Of course. Anything" she whispered "And thanks" she looked down and plucked a fuzz from her sheets "But what does that make us now? I mean… we're together again, are we?"
"You have just agreed to marry me. So yes, I suppose that is the logical conclusion"
"Okay" she breathed and smiled to herself. He took a seat on the chair next to her desk, folded his hands together and placed them in his lap.
"How well-versed are you in Vulcan biology?" she let out a giggle
"You do know my major was exobiology, right?"
"There is something, however, that Starfleet does not teach about our species" she frowned
"Why that?"
"It is not even discussed greatly among Vulcans"
"Like a taboo?" she asked and frowned "Are you going through something like a Vulcan… puberty? Or is it like the human… menstruation cycle in a way?"
"Both of your assumptions are not very far-fetched"
"Really?" she hummed in astonishment "But what exactly is it then?"
"It is about our… reproduction" and that was when it made click
"Don't tell me you're in some kind of… mating season?" she felt how she was blushing. And his cheeks also were greener than usual. That was why he avoided her and yet got aggressive when someone touched her.
"This is quite an accurate description. We call it Pon Farr"
"Oh okay" she looked down "But-but why all this… drama about all of this? You could have just… you know… told me"
"It is a bit more complicated than this"
"What does that mean?" he got up and turned away from her, clasping his hands behind his back.
"For us, mating is not just what you call coition. Taking a mate is almost equivalent to marriage"
"So that's where the question came from" she said, more to herself
"Indeed" he said turning back to her.
"But you… still could have asked me. In the beginning, I mean."
"I could not do so before I had made some clarifications"
"What kind of?" again he turned his head to the door
"At the age of seven I was bonded to a female called T'Pring"
"You-you're betrothed?" she choked out
"It is more than a betrothal. Less than a marriage, however"
"But" she didn't know what to say. He had been almost married all this time? And he never told her? "Okay…" she rubbed her face
"You are upset"
"You basically just told me you're betrothed! After all these years! What do you think that makes me feel?"
"I have told you what I will tell you could make you want to change your mind…" she sighed
"That's just so fucked up…" she held her head and shook it, then took a deep breath "Okay. So let's get over with this. What about her? Is she okay with all of this? O-or is she dead?"
"That was what I needed to find out and I have discovered that she has survived the destruction of Vulcan"
"Oh" she didn't even know if she was relieved or not. A part of her felt jealous. "That's good for her, I suppose…" why did this have to be so awkward? "So you talked to her?"
"I did"
"And you agreed to break the bond?"
"Not quite" she jumped up
"Okay now that's…. that's… you come here, asking me if I want to marry you while you're still betrothed to someone else!"
"Because I could not break the bond"
"You couldn't?" she snorted "As in you didn't want to or you were not able to?"
"The bond I have mentioned is a telepathic bond" he told her that the only to break it was by initiating it with someone else "If I had done so, however, said person would have underwent Pon Farr as well"
"Does that mean this T'Pring is experiencing Pon Farr too right now? Because of the bond?"
"Correct"
"And it won't stop for her if you break it?"
"No, she will need to either take a mate or participate in kal-if-fee"
"That is?"
"A challenge to a fight over a mate"
"Wait you're trying to tell me I that I need to fight this T'Pring if I want to be with you?"
"Not necessarily" he explained that usually only the males fought.
"But you just said she needed to somehow end her Pon Farr too. What happens if she just doesn't do anything?"
"If a Vulcan's Pon Farr is not ended we die"
"Okay…" she groaned and started pacing. "This is getting too much. Can't you just tell me what we are going to do? And what I am supposed to do?" much to her surprise he walked over to her and placed his hands on her shoulders
"You have two possibilities: to accept my koon-ut-so'lik and become my wife… or you can refuse and I will mate with T'Pring"
"Bu-but…" she felt tears in her eyes "the way you say this sounds like you're fine with either possibility"
"That is not correct"
"So what do you want?"
"I do not wish to influence your decision"
"But what if I choose the option that you don't want? Why-why can't there be something like a middle way?" she felt tears streaming down her cheeks then shook her head "It would be wrong to claim you if T'Pring could die when she doesn't mate. Besides… you've known her basically all your life. I-I can't…" she wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest "B-but I don't know if I can let you go either"
"Carissa" his voice was barely above a whisper "She is the mate my parents have chosen for me. You are the mate I have chosen for me myself" she pulled away to look at him through tears
"Does that mean you want to be with me?" he brushed a tear away with his thumb
"It does" she couldn't help but smile
"Well… how could I say no to you then?" she said "But what will become of T'Pring? What will she do?"
"She will find another mate"
"Are you sure?"
"I daresay she did sound like she has wished for me to break the bond"
"You mean she loves someone else too?"
"I suppose so"
"But why didn't she break the bond then? Or just said she doesn't want you anymore?"
"Because she could not"
"Huh?"
"Only a male may choose another mate. The only way a female can refuse her chosen one is by choosing kal-if-fee"
"So that she fights him or what?"
"Not necessarily" he explained that during the Vulcan equivalent of a wedding, the woman had the right to choose the challenge and have the male fight against anyone of her choice and that she would need to become the wife of the winner.
"And that's what Vulcan's call more developed? Humans got rid of this way of thinking – that a woman belongs to the man – some time during the 19th or 20th century. At least in most religions."
"I know" there was a hint of amusement in his voice
"So… what now?"
"First, I will need to inform T'Pring about my decision to end our betrothal. And then we can sort everything out" she gave a nod.
"Spock?"
"Yes?"
"Is it possible that… maybe we can wait until we get married? I-I mean after you've ended Pon Farr. I don't want you to suffer at the wedding or something"
"Of course"
"And… how long do you have before… you know, need to have done it?"
"Usually, a Vulcan can die within eight days. Five days have passed since my Pon Farr has started"
"Oh"
"However, I might have found a way to defer my death"
"Really? How's that possible? Because of your half human heritage?"
"I am not certain if this plays a role in the matter as well… however, I am certain that the Captain's idea was better than I have believed"
"What idea?" a slight tinge of green appeared on his cheeks
"He has told me… to try taking care of my needs myself"
"Oh… err" she scratched the back of her head, regretting that she had asked "I suppose that's good to hear. That it helps, I mean" and she cracked her knuckles "if possible… could you try and stall it a bit longer? I-I'll need some time to get ready and prepare myself, you know?"
"I can understand that very well. And I want you to know that you do not have to feel obliged to agree"
"Spock… it's either having sex, losing you to another or letting you die. I can't have any of the latter two happening so the case is clear. Besides… I suppose I have been ready for… you know, some time ago but I didn't want to pressure you. I had hoped that maybe we could make small steps or so. Or that it only would become a topic after we got married. So that's why it's still a bit surprising"
"You do not need to justify yourself" the back of his fingers shortly stroked her cheek before he pulled away "Forgive me if I do not touch you… but I do not want to initiate the mating bond too early by accident which could happen if I touch you. Or it might happen that I lose control"
"It's okay" she said "We'll do that when we both are ready" she placed a hand on his cheek and smiled. "Thanks for letting me know. I think I understand now why you didn't want to tell me earlier… I can understand what you've been through. You didn't know whether you were supposed to just marry T'Pring after you found out that she was still alive… but you probably also couldn't just leave her and then I came and cornered you. I-I'm sorry"
"You cannot have known" he replied "If I am entirely honest, however, what I have feared most was that you would not accept my proposal and I would be forced to marry T'Pring"
"But if you never asked me…. I couldn't even have chosen you"
"I believed I had driven you away by my behavior"
"You almost succeeded…" she said and sighed "You've gotta promise me one thing. Besides respecting my decisions…"
"That is?"
"Never try to keep anything that bothers you a secret from me anymore. Or at least promise to talk to someone else if it is something that I am not supposed to know for whatever reason"
"Is that a new condition I will need to agree to that you will marry me?"
"I don't really have a choice but to marry you now, do I?" he looked like he was about to protest "Only joking. I'm doing it with the greatest pleasure"
"Then I shall promise to do as you requested" she gave a slight nod and smiled. "Is there anything else you wish to discuss right now?"
"I don't suppose so… I'll just let you know when I'm ready for… you know" her boyfriend, she wasn't sure if she really should call him her fiancé, nodded and after he made sure that she didn't need anything or had more questions he left. For a while she just sat there, trying to process what she had just been told. Then she started her PADD and tried to reach Nicole, but she wasn't available, so she contacted Lucie. She didn't answer either but only five minutes later, she called back
"Hey there, what's up, space monkey?"
"Just because you stayed on earth there's no reason to envy me" she said
"Envy? No way, I'm happy to be here. Anyway. What's up?" she grinned, then let out a squeal
"Guess what?"
"Something great? You got promoted again?"
"Nah. I'm getting married"
"Married? To Spock?"
"Yes of course to him"
"But Nicole told me he broke up with you"
"Yeah… but he didn't mean it"
"Oh my God. That's great. I'm so happy for you. Has he said anything about when you'll get married?"
"The next few weeks, I suppose"
"Such a stress?"
"Yeah… circumstances"
"What kind of?"
"I can't tell you. Sorry, I promised"
"Oh okay. Tell me another time. But then I can't even be there…"
"I'm sure we can organize something like a video chat during the festivity or so… after all Mum, Dad and Nicole can't be here either. And maybe some of my other friends… Though they don't even really know I'm dating a half-human"
"Ah you'll see, it'll be great, okay? Just look forward to it"
"I know. I do" a part of her wanted to tell her about what would happen before the wedding
"Why does that sound like something's wrong? O-Oh God Cassie… don't tell me you're pregnant!"
"No!" she shouted "It's just… I'm afraid of the wedding night"
"Are you sure Vulcans even do it that way? Maybe he'll need time too?"
"I don't know… I'm just afraid that it'll be a catastrophe"
"No, it won't. You love him and he loves you. You will figure something out. And as I said, you don't need to do it right now. Take your time, get ready and prepare yourself mentally"
"Okay, I know…"
"Hey uh… I probably should get back to work. I'll call you when I'm home, okay?"
"Yeah, sure" she said and after a short goodbye she ended the call.
- oO0Oo -
Jim contacted her to ask what had come from the talk with the First Officer and was relieved when he heard how well it went.
"Nice to hear my advice helped"
"What advice? Not how he's supposed to… postpone it?"
"That was useful? Ah no, I meant the fact that I just urged him to ask you if you wanted to marry him and then explain the matter. Because the guy really feared he could pressure you into something you didn't want"
"Well it is a bit rushed…"
"I know. But hey, at least it's sorted out. I'll ask Spock if he actually needs to go to New Vulcan now, that everything's settled. Would be quite a detour"
"Yeah" she gave a nod
"I don't mean to intrude your business but maybe you'll want to go to Bones first? To… you know…contraception and all. Although Vulcan's aren't allowed to use such stuff anymore. But you're human."
"Actually, I've still got a ten year anti-contraception shot that's effective until November. So there's no need to see Leonard" she said and then ended the call before it got even more embarrassing.
- oO0Oo -
The whole next day, Carissa wasn't too sure what she was supposed to say to Spock. She was too nervous to even talk about it, let alone actually sleeping with him. It was a lot like when she was awaiting her first and only time with her ex Finn and she still remembered how that turned out. Maybe she should talk to him about this and her fears? But what if he then thought it would be better to mate with someone else and she lost him? She really wished he had told her earlier so that she would have had more time to prepare herself mentally. Then, however, she just remembered that she could get some alcohol and make sure she was a bit more relaxed. But then Spock would think she didn't want it at all, which wasn't the case. She just was afraid and felt pressured because she knew it had to happen soon. And she had no idea what he would be like and what the Pon Farr would make him do. She wanted to talk to him but she was sure that not even he'd know what it would be like. At least she could talk to Nicole again but she couldn't help her much either. A part of her even considered calling her parents but she knew if she told them that she would get married they'd freak out. And that was the last thing she could need because it would upset her too.
As she woke up the day after, she felt suddenly a lot better and more confident about it. But she decided not to tell Spock yet, just in case she changed her mind. When her shift was over, she went to his office but couldn't find him there so she tried his quarters. She didn't get an answer either and concluded that maybe he was meditating. But then she heard him call her in. He looked like he had expected someone else and then he looked concerned
"Is something wrong?"
"No" she said quickly "The contrary actually…"
"How am I supposed to understand this?" she gave a shrug and stepped closer
"Got plans for tonight?" he raised an eyebrow
"I suppose that now I do" she smiled and kneaded her fingers "You are nervous. We do not need to do it today if…"
"No" she said "I am nervous, yes but I'm fine. Just… no reason to rush things"
"Of course not" he said "Is there something I can do to help you relax?"
"Err… I don't know" she took a seat on the bed and he waited for a while before he joined her. She took his hand in hers and stroked the back of it with her palm "How was your day?" she tried to start a normal conversation.
"The Captain has refused to let me work the whole shift ordered me to leave after noon"
"But you could use the afternoon for meditation?"
"Precisely" his second hand also joined the others
"Mine wasn't too special" she said and told him of certain experiments she had finished today, knowing that it probably would bore anyone else. "Have you already thought in what way you'd like the wedding?" he looked at her, almost surprised
"I must admit that I have not thought too much about it yet"
"Oh. Well… do you want a Vulcan or human one?"
"We basically are about to conduct the second part of a Vulcan one"
"Oh okay… Do you even know what a human wedding is like?"
"Not entirely" she nodded and told him the basics
"And you know, Jim could marry us. Then we invite some guests… but not too many"
"I agree with that"
"So let's break this down… Jim's gonna be there anyway and I'd like to have Leonard and Chekov there… then Sarah, Syl and Tomita"
"What about Lieutenant Sulu?"
"Oh of course, we should invite him too… maybe the whole bridge crew? Or at least Nyota too. Oh and Scotty. Did I forget someone?"
"I do not think so"
"Who's gonna be your best man?"
"Since the Captain will be leading the ceremony it is only logical if I choose the doctor. Have you decided who you want as your best woman?" she chuckled
"Maid of honor. And I'm really indecisive… I'd like Tomita to be it but she doesn't even know I'm in a relationship yet… same with Sarah. But Uhura knows a lot about us but we're not such good friends yet I suppose. I'd love to either ask Nicole or Lucie… but they're both not here"
"I understand"
"But that's exactly why we agreed to have the wedding later… so that we've got more time discuss everything" he gave a nod and she moved closer and finally placed one of her legs between his. He looked at her and removed a hand from her lap. Instead he brought it to her face and gently stroked along her jawline. When she realized that it was the index and middle finger he used she smiled and brought his other hand to her lips. He placed the hand on her cheek and stroked it with his thumb. She leant closer and leaned her forehead against his, her hands resting on his shoulders. He cupped her face and kissed her forehead and let his lips wander down until they reached her lips. She closed the distance and pressed hers to his, digging a hand into his hair "Don't you think we should put some kind of 'do not disturb' sign to the door?" he raised an eyebrow
"I suppose that the Captain will not contact me unless it is an emergency"
"Well then let's just hope there won't be one" she said before pulling him back to her lips and kissing him more passionately. One of his hands tangled in her hair while he ran his other along her neck. She settled down in his lap and placed her free hand on his chest. All too soon, he had it in the one that was wandering down her chest and stroked it lightly. She felt his fore and middle finger moving against hers, making her smile. Shortly after, she parted from his lips slightly and gently stroked his fingers in return "Am I doing this right?" she asked she felt his lips against her cheek then her ear
"It is not much more challenging than making out in your way" she let out a chuckle and trailed her lips along his jawline. He pulled her closer and into another passionate kiss. Somehow a part of her was quite surprised about his boldness then she remembered what they actually were planning to do and could have sworn she was bright red. Slowly he tucked up her shirt a little after he removed his hand from hers. The coolness of his body temperature made her shiver. Or maybe it was the fact that she knew where this was going. This time, he wouldn't stop and it made her nervous. But in a good way. A part of her was excited what it would be like with him. As it seemed, he had used her distraction to push her back on the bed and he awkwardly landed on top of her, making her grunt "I apologize"
"It's okay" she assured him "Just unexpected"
"Please let me know if I am brisk for your liking or if I hurt you" she chuckled
"Usually it's me saying that… and you're excused, you are influenced by the Pon Farr"
"As a matter of fact you have told me to stop you if we went…"
"Oh shut up and kiss me" she muttered and was slightly surprised when he did it. His hand slipped under her shirt again and slowly travelled up to her bra. "You know… I could also remove it?" she said
"If it does not make you feel uncomfortable"
"Spock, if undressing me would make me uncomfortable we'd have a slight problem…" she chuckled and wrapped her legs around his thighs. "So what about taking the shirt off?" she asked placing her hands at the hem of it
"As it appears you are already determined to take it off"
"Alright" she said, sat up and slipped out of the shirt then looked at him "Bra?" he placed a hand on her shoulder
"Carissa, if anything makes you feel uncom-…" she didn't even let him finish and took off her bra as well. His eyes shortly flickered to her chest then back to her face, making her giggle
"You are allowed to look. And touch" she said slowly moving his hand from her shoulder to her left breast. His fingers lightly stroked over the skin and she closed her eyes. Then his hand wandered to her stomach and he felt something warm and wet against her collarbone. To see what he was doing, she shortly blinked before she buried a hand in his hair, fisting it as he became more fervent in his actions. A part of her was wondering how much he was holding back because she had somewhat expected him to be less composed than usual. Considering the state he had been in before he had told her what was going on, she concluded that he must have mustered up a huge amount of self-control. While his hand went further down, to the bund of her trousers, his lips slowly trailed back to her neck. Much to her surprise he moved his hand to her thigh and lightly stroked the cloth. "You really don't need to hold back that much" she said quietly and she was sure if it hadn't been for Vulcan hearing, he probably wouldn't have heard her. But either he truly hadn't or he chose to not listen. Then she heard him mumble
"I do not wish to hurt you"
"Spock" she said pulling his head up by his hair "You won't hurt me. I will stop you if it gets too much" he shook his head and explained that he was certain that he'd force himself upon her before she was ready if he went quicker. "But sooner or later that'll happen anyway, right? And the further we are at that point the better, right?"
"Does that mean you wish for it to be over as soon as possible?"
"No… I just don't want any of us to feel bad about anything"
"Does my going make you feel this way?"
"No" she said "but it also wouldn't make me feel bad if you… well, you know get a move on" when he asked what exactly she wanted him to do, she blushed "I uh… don't know if I can talk about that. I mean… speak out what I want but… I had nothing against it if you moved your hand up to my crotch" he raised an eyebrow and actually slid his hand towards her middle, watching her intently as if he expected to see any signs of discomfort. She smiled and searched for his other hand and squeezed it. When she started rubbing her fore- and middle finger against his, he pulled away his hand
"That might arouse me too much for the time being" she raised her eyebrows and pulled his head down to hers instead
"Then we make out the human way" she muttered before crashing her lips onto his. As it seemed, this spurred him as well and his second hand moved to her trousers as well, opening them. He removed his hands from her completely but she realized why, he untangled his legs that she had wrapped around him and she lifted her ass and pulled down her trousers whereby she accidentally brushed the back of her hands against his middle. He stiffened and Carissa pulled away from his lips as quickly as possible "Sorry, I'm sorry" she choked out.
"It was merely… unexpected"
"But not unpleasant?"
"It has not been long enough for me to make this decision"
"Hm... okay" she mumbled "That truly sounds like you" she chuckled, then wiggled her hip "Maybe you lend me a helping hand with my trousers?"
"I suppose that asking if you are fine with it is needless?"
"You bet" after a nod, he slowly removed her trousers completely and tried to fold them together while she took off her socks "Just drop them. No distractions" he looked at her but did as she said and she gave a satisfied hum. Only when she saw how he looked at her did she realize that they had never went that far before and felt her cheeks heating up. Obviously he misinterpreted her blushing and assured her that she didn't need to be ashamed. "I'm not…" she replied "I just can't believe this is happening"
"Am I right to assume that there was excitement in your voice?"
"I guess" she said and tried to sit up but he stopped her and leaned over her, pecking her lips again. His mouth then moved to the side of her neck and he placed his right hand on her hip, carefully drawing circles on her skin with his thumb. When his other hand landed on her thigh again she couldn't help a little moan that escaped her throat. To her delight it encouraged him to move his hand upwards and finally reached her panties. A low whine left her mouth when a finger stroked along the hem of the cloth. This made him look at her in something like amusement
"I liked that sound"
"Really?" she asked in surprise
"Yes. I believe the term humans would use is 'cute'" again she raised her eyebrows.
"I had never thought I'd hear you say that word" she mumbled and lifted her arm to run a hand through his hair. "Were you not doing something?" she asked. He only cocked up an eyebrow then his mouth latched onto her chest again and she already knew her chest would be coated with a layer of hickeys. She lowered her hand to the back of his neck and almost pressed his head closer to her body. After a couple of minutes he seemed to have gained enough courage to pull down her last piece of clothing as well. "I uh… didn't shave. I hope you don't mind" she said
"Why would I?" she gave a slight shrug and thought of Finn.
"Some men do" before he could say something she pulled his head to hers to kiss him "But you're not like most men, I know" she kissed him again "You're better" she stroked his clothed chest with her forefinger "But don't you think it's a bit unfair if I'm naked and you're still fully clothed?"
"If it bothers you, why did you not tell me earlier?" he said as he slipped out of his shirt
"It didn't… I just realized that now" she cleared her throat "Can I… touch you?"
"Since I am touching you it is only just if you are allowed to do the same" when she placed her hand on the middle of her chest and trailed her finger tips down he added that she just shouldn't go too far if she wasn't ready yet.
"Spock… I know you don't want to hurt me… but it will hurt anyway. Even if you didn't have Pon Farr… it always hurts the first few times"
"The first few times? I thought you would have had sex with your former boyfriend more often" she blushed
"N-no. It was only once. But I don't want to think of that or him now" she dug her fingers into his hair "This is about us, okay?" she kissed him again. This time his lips stayed on hers and he finally did something to alleviate the burning arousal in her middle. She closed her eyes and let out a muffled moan, raking her fingers over his back. He shuddered but then regained himself. Yet, she knew it affected him more than he would admit because his hand was now pressing down her left thigh while his other hand explored the whole area around her middle carefully. Her free hand dug into his sheets and she tried to throw her head back what only succeeded after his lips left hers and trailed back to her neck again. Somehow she was able to tell him that he shouldn't get worried or discouraged by the sounds she would make and that she would let him know if it got unpleasant for her. All too soon she was a panting mess and knew she probably wouldn't last much longer. So it was and a couple of minutes later she came apart with a high pitched moan. His lips left her skin and she managed a small nod "That was fantastic" she mumbled and smiled.
"Was it pleasurable?"
"Of course" she managed to say and sat up, placing a hand on his cheek "And I'll do anything that you can feel the same"
"Are you certain?"
"God Spock" she sighed "Do you think I'd be here if I wasn't?"
"Maybe you have changed your mind by now"
"No" she shook her head, placed a hand at the base of his neck and pulled him in for a kiss and let her hand slide down his back. He parted from her lips and glanced at her. "Now… why don't you let your trousers bear the rest of our clothes company too?" he frowned slightly but then seemed to understand what she meant and took them off. Now it was her turn to watch him and smiled "You know that I've never seen you like that before? I-I mean that much undressed"
"I do"
"But I like it" she hummed and lay back down
"Is there something that you expect or would like me to do?"
"I don't know… maybe don't ask me a hundred times if I'm okay…" she mumbled. He gave a curt nod and lowered his lips to her collarbone while he ran his hands down her body. Another moan left her throat and she enjoyed his ministrations until he pulled away. Then she saw that it was to remove his underwear as well. She felt her cheeks burning, more so when he shifted and positioned himself. When he looked like he was about to say something she let out a sigh "I know, this is going to hurt"
"I know you do but I wanted to inform you that I might lose control as soon as I do this"
"Spock, it's okay… it can't be worse than my first time… at least I know you'd never hurt me if you had a choice"
"Carissa…" he said and stopped as if he wasn't sure what he should say which was rare for him. He usually only spoke when he knew exactly what he wanted to say. "You should also know that I will be initiating a mind-meld at some point"
"That's okay" he shook his head
"It will not be like the mind-melds we have shared before"
"Why? Oh, because of the mating bond?"
"Not solely. It will be far more intense than the previous mind-melds"
"It's okay. Really" she said but felt her stomach coil. But he didn't make a move so she arched up her hips "You not doing anything makes me nervous…" she admitted and at least he looked at her now.
"I will only proceed if you can assure me that you are ready" she closed her eyes and took a long breath, then nodded
"I am ready" her voice was quiet, almost broken but it was all he needed. It hurt more than she expected and she gasped and dug her fingers into his wrist. He apologized and leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead. She tried to tell him that she was fine but didn't really find the strength to form words.
"Please let me know sufficiently early if I hurt you because I cannot say how long it will take me to stop" she managed a nod
"Okay" he started moving and she had to remind herself to keep relaxed. At first his movements were slow and gentle but as it then his Pon Farr must have kicked in again as he got more vigorous and latched his mouth on the side of her neck and didn't just nibble at the skin but sank his teeth into it. She panted and dug her fingers into his hair to stop him from actually hurting her. Then his lips wandered to her chest and one of his hands came up to massage her left breast. It was a bit rough but not as unpleasant that it was necessary to tell him. A couple of seconds later, his hand travelled further up and he placed his fingers on the side of her face and after her vision faded for a second, she suddenly was flooded with images. Or memories rather. She felt like she saw each and every memory Spock had ever had. His childhood on Vulcan, how he was bullied, disapproving looks of his father, moments of comfort with his mother. His time as a cadet, then his job as professor and certain missions in space. Herself. The destruction of Vulcan. More missions. Khan. A lot more of herself. The start of the five year mission. Even more of herself. Suddenly she meant what he meant when he said this meld was more intense. Besides the memories she also was bombarded with his current feelings. Pain. Lust. Guilt. Love. With each passing second they got more intense and not much later she was hit with something else; the overwhelming bliss of his climax. That probably was too much for her mind to process as her vision faded to black and she knew nothing more.