Elsa had spent the rest of the day in her study, reviewing documents and drafting letters. That managed to take her out of her head for a while. And it made her feel useful. The hardest part of the job for her was sending people off to be on the frontlines while she stayed behind, overseeing everything. Every single person who was out there working for the good of the kingdom — from the farmers to the fishermen to the soldiers — counted on her to make the right decisions to keep them safe.
Later that night, as she tried to sleep, the fate of all those souls weighed heavy on her mind, as she agonized over every single decision she had ever made. What if Wael was right? What if her inexperience drove the kingdom into a war that she wouldn't be able to manage?
Needless to say, sleep was evading her. As the dread in her stomach snaked up to her chest and wrapped itself around it, making it difficult for her to breathe, she decided to give up and try something else.
Looking out the window had always offered her a certain peace. For years, it had been the only contact she had allowed herself with the outside world. Seeing the world move around her, the seasons change in a predictable rhythm, sometimes she allowed herself to daydream about what she might do out there if she were free. If she weren't confined to her bedroom walls, to her responsibilities as queen.
Now in her parent's old room, she didn't have to stick to looking out the window, she could step out into the balcony, but what she found outside was as predictable as it had ever been. For the most part. The first thing that caught her eye was the moon. The darkness of the chilly night was only disrupted by its bright silhouette. As Elsa's gaze drifted downward, though, she was surprised to see a torch lit in the new training area.
Brows knit, she looked closer as to who was there at such a late hour. The uniform gave away the fact that it was a soldier. She couldn't see the soldier's face, but the short wild red hair gave her away. What could she be doing there?
Elsa stepped back, and before thinking too much about it, she put on her slippers and made her way downstairs. Maybe something was wrong. And maybe she could be useful, if not to the kingdom then at least to Katherine.
Elsa was quickly stepping out of the castle. She noticed one of the hay targets had been moved out of the training room to the far left of the courtyard. On the opposite side, Katherine did a quick sprint and sent a spear flying toward the target. The soldier grunted in frustration when the spear missed its mark by mere inches.
Elsa watched endearingly as Katherine ran first to get the spear and then back to her throwing line. Just before she threw it again, though, Elsa had small ice boulders appear all around them.
Katherine, startled by their materialization out of thin air, turned toward Elsa, ready to throw the deadly weapon her way.
"Maybe with more light?" Elsa raised an eyebrow and had the boulders light up in different colors with a flick of her hand.
"Dammit," Katherine huffed under her breath. The adrenaline surge had her heart pounding.
"Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you."
Katherine shook her head. "Don't worry about it, Your Majesty." She lowered the spear. "Is there something wrong?"
"No, not with me. I mean, I couldn't sleep, but that's not really new. I saw you were here and was wondering if something was wrong… with you?"
Katherine shrugged. "Couldn't sleep either. Actually, I didn't even try," she busied herself getting the target to put it back in the ice training room.
"Oh?" Elsa wondered aloud as she walked with Katherine.
She sighed. "It's the anniversary of my mother's death tomorrow. Or when we suppose it happened. I always have nightmares around these days. So I avoid sleep as much as I can, and by the time I try it again, I'm so exhausted I sleep like a rock."
Elsa nodded slowly, studying Katherine's features. There was a cold determination in those dark eyes. She had an idea of how grief worked. It could be cruel and relentless. And it could also be very lonely. Nobody dealt with loss the same way, but she didn't want Katherine to feel like she had to deal with it alone.
"You must be freezing," Elsa started, getting a shrug from the soldier. "Want to get out of here? I have an idea."
Katherine eyed Elsa carefully. She had already tried plenty of things herself and had found nothing that had helped. Despite of the fact that they both shared a difficult past, she wasn't sure that the queen knew of another way to alleviate the pain. She was starting to believe it would never subside. Then again, it couldn't hurt to give it a try. At the very least it would just be another way to distract herself. And she knew the audience with Wael had hit her hard today. Maybe Elsa needed some distraction too.
"Yeah. Okay."
Elsa had been bold by offering to help, not thinking much about the fact that she would actually have to carry out her proposition. The need to take the pain away had been too strong for her to think of anything else. But, as they silently made their way into the castle, Elsa grew nervous. Would Katherine be comfortable with what she had in mind?
"What do you think about us having a... a sort of sleepover?" Elsa said as she walked up the stairs of the Entrance Hall, not looking back at the soldier.
Katherine was surprised by the offer. Of all the ideas she could have had, this was definitely not one of them.
Elsa felt Katherine's hesitation, and even if it didn't last very long, it felt like a lifetime to her. "I was thinking it would maybe be more fun to stay up together, but if you're not up for it I totally—"
"No, no," Katherine was quick to reassure her. "It's a great idea. But I don't mean to be a bother to you. I can figure something out."
Elsa shook her head vehemently. "You are not a bother Katherine. Never think that. You have been a great friend to me. Will you allow me to do something for you too?"
Katherine was floored. Friend. She considered her a great friend. While a distant part of her mind, one she tried constantly to stay far away from, was wondering if being her friend was what she really wanted, a much more easily satisfied part was touched. So, she nodded with a small smile. "If you insist…"
Elsa grinned. "I do. Go get changed and meet me in the library."
Katherine and Elsa found themselves sometime later lying on cushions and blankets strewn over the floor of the library, playing chess in front of the roaring fire of the hearth.
Both women were experimented players, and both had occupations that involved them constantly trying to stay two steps ahead of their opponents. It could have been a formidable match had they not been equally distracted by each other.
After a few moves, Katherine mused aloud. "I know the point of the game is to protect the king, but really the most powerful piece is the queen. I always find myself wanting to protect the queen more than the king," she said, a corner of her mouth twisting upward.
"Huh. Must be an occupational hazard," Elsa said, amusement clear in her features.
"Must be, yeah," Katherine replied. This time, her smile was a full one.
After a few more turns played in silence, Elsa studied her adversary carefully as Katherine considered her next move, her eyes focused on the board.
Could you imagine, instead of there being a king and a queen, if there were two queens? The power they would hold.
The insolent thought died in Elsa's throat before she could utter it when she noticed Katherine yawn for the fifth time in as many minutes.
"You're tired. Are you sure you don't want to try to get some sleep?" Elsa asked softly.
By now, Katherine was lying on her stomach, her head propped up on her hands. She groaned and let her face fall onto her pillow, muffling her voice. "I am tired… But I'm too scared to try."
Elsa, who had been sitting in front of Katherine, with the chess board between them, scooted closer to the soldier. The need to comfort her was too strong, and she didn't feel words were enough.
When Elsa and Anna were younger, their mother used to run her finger from their foreheads down over their noses to put them to sleep. Elsa had always been comforted by the gesture and a part of her pictured herself bringing Katherine close, having her curl up against her body and soothe her to sleep. But there was no way she could do anything quite so intimate.
Hence, she only allowed her hand to travel to Katherine's arm to let the physical contact speak for her.
The cool touch had Katherine turning her head to glance at the queen's soft hand rubbing gentle circles on her arm before their eyes met.
The room was dark except for the warm light coming from the fireplace. Elsa searched Katherine's softly lit features for any sign of discomfort, but the small smile she gave her had her heart fluttering.
"You know what I used to do when I was locked in my room?" Elsa asked after a moment of comfortable silence. When Katherine shook her head, Elsa broke the physical contact, drawing her hands close to her lap. "I used to think about what my life would be like if I was like everybody else."
Katherine used her elbow to prop her head up again, turning her body sideways towards Elsa. "Like what?"
"Like… When I was younger, I used to imagine myself running around with Anna wreaking all kinds of havoc, tricks that we could pull on the tutors or the staff…"
Katherine raised her eyebrows. "And here I thought you had always been this perfectly behaved, proper girl."
Elsa chuckled to herself, lowering her gaze. "I guess I am. But that's not all I am, you know," she met Katherine's eyes again, but this time, there was an unassuming mischief in her expression, which made the soldier's heart skip a beat.
Oh, Katherine was definitely becoming aware of how much more the queen could be.
After some laughter brought on by one of Elsa's prank ideas, she moved onto stories about what her ideal future looked like. By then, Katherine was back to lying on her stomach with her head on the pillow, turned toward Elsa.
As the queen recounted her life, Katherine got lost in her words, in the sweet, calming tone of Elsa's voice. The calm that her presence by her side brought her, added to the heat of the nearby fire created the perfect atmosphere, which had her limbs grow heavy in relaxation. Slowly, she felt herself drifting away, and even though she had tried to fight it initially, she eventually succumbed to exhaustion.
"Most of what I did was prepare for this job. There wasn't much else for me to do." Elsa, who had been staring at the wall in front of her as she went through old memories, brought her attention back to the present, becoming aware of the deep breathing coming from the soldier. The only other thing that could be heard in the room was the crackling of the fire. A small smile crept across her face as she saw her, fast asleep.
Mission accomplished, Elsa hoped.
She drew her legs close, hugging her knees. She sighed as she studied Katherine's peaceful features, free of any disguise or hardness.
God, she was gorgeous.
Katherine was a strong, smart, capable soldier. Elsa was very aware of all of that. And yet, all she wanted to do was take her into her arms to protect her from the world. But Elsa was also painfully aware of the fact that the things that hurt Katherine the most were her own demons.
Elsa knew too well how difficult it was to allow others to help fight them, but few things would make her as happy as having the possibility to be let into Katherine's life enough to stand by her side for that battle.
Elsa had a restless night. After having made sure Katherine was sleeping soundly, she had settled down herself, and even if she had fallen asleep fairly quickly, she had woken up every few hours to keep checking on her.
By the third or fourth time, she noticed the first signs of dawn through the window. As the fog of sleep cleared, she realized the room was significantly colder. A quick glance at the fireplace revealed the problem.
Elsa rose from her makeshift bed and approached the hearth. As she stared at the resulting gray and black pile of ashes, her mind wandered to the woman sleeping soundly at her feet. Elsa had loved the feeling it brought to her to be able to do something for Katherine, something that mattered. She knew how hard it was to keep the nightmares away.
Absentmindedly, she grabbed some kindling and a couple of the logs that were stacked beside the fireplace and tried to lay them as quietly as possible on the ashes. She stared at the pieces of wood for a moment, the cogwheels turning in her head, trying to think of other ways she could be of help.
"I don't think staring at it will ignite it. Unless you also have fire-vision powers?"
Elsa jumped, startled by the soldier's hoarse voice. She turned around to face her. "Did I wake you?"
"You didn't," Katherine reassured her as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.
"Sleep well?"
Katherine stretched her arms above her head, feeling the slumber leave her muscles. "Yeah." She glanced around the room and was impressed by the amount of sunlight that filtered into it. At this time of year, she was used to waking up before the break of dawn. "Very. I think I needed that."
"Good. I'm glad."
"Need some help with that?" Katherine jumped to her feet and placing herself right behind Elsa, she reached for the box of matches that was on top of the fireplace in front of her.
The queen turned her head slightly as Katherine handed her the small object. Their fingers brushed for an instant, and their eyes met over Elsa's shoulder.
Elsa swallowed, entranced by the heat of the body that was just a few inches behind her, and her gaze flickered to Katherine's mouth before she turned to ignite the wood.
Elsa bit her lower lip as they remained close together, afraid to move an inch, not wanting to startle the other woman, as they watched the fire quickly start consuming the thinner pieces of wood before roaring to life. Not unlike the tumultuous feelings that were making Elsa's heart pound in her chest.
Katherine spoke, making Elsa turn her head toward her again. "Didn't know the Snow Queen could be so good with fire."
Elsa was getting used to staring into those enthralling dark eyes, but she still got helplessly lost in their enigmatic calmness every time she did. As the seconds passed, she noticed Katherine's eyebrows lift in expectation.
Elsa cleared her throat and got her attention back to the fire. "I had never thought of that. It can come in handy, I guess."
Katherine chuckled. "Your powers know no bounds."
Katherine finally stepped away to start picking up the pillows and covers that had served as a bed last night. Reluctantly, Elsa moved to help her. She wouldn't have minded sharing her personal space for a little while longer.
Suddenly, Katherine looked over at Elsa, her brows furrowed, and her head tilted. She looked confused. The queen stopped what she was doing, her eyes saying, 'yes?'
"You are really powerful. You could take over the world if you wanted to."
Elsa lifted her gaze to the ceiling in thought, holding the pillow in her hands closer to her chest. "I guess I just don't have that in me. My dreams have never involved power or domination over… anything really."
What are they about? Was Katherine's next question, but before she had the chance to ask it, someone knocked at the door.
"Your Majesty?" Gerda's muffled voice came through the door.
Katherine dropped a folded blanket on top of the pile they were making on the sofa before opening the door.
"Yes, Gerda?" Elsa asked, moving closer to them.
"Sorry to intrude, but you got some mail from the army. I thought you would want to see it as soon as possible," she said, handing Elsa two envelopes.
"Yes, thank you," Elsa replied, reading the names on the letters.
As Gerda left, Katherine was about to go back to finish picking up the things they had slept on when Elsa offered her one of the envelopes.
"One is for you. From your father."
Katherine was surprised. She wasn't expecting news from him. "Thanks," she took it and turned it over in her hand a couple of times.
When Elsa saw her hesitation, sensing a need for privacy, she asked, "Want to go get changed and you can meet me for breakfast?"
Katherine loved the idea, but she threw a glance at the things still on the floor, not wanting to leave Elsa alone with it all.
But before she could say anything, Elsa noticed again and reassured her. "It's okay. I'll take care of this. You can go."
Satisfied by that and with an increasing urge to read what her father had written for her, Katherine rushed out of the room, but not before she said, "See you downstairs!"
Elsa watched her leave with an amused smile, but the levity left the room with Katherine. She sighed as she opened the letter, hoping for good news but dreading the worst.
AN: Thank you for reading! Hope you're all staying safe!