A/N: I like to reveal that (surprise, surprise) this and the following chapter after this takes place around the same time as the Maximum Overdrive review in RWBY's story set in the same universe.
In this fourteenth game review of the story, Athena Cykes prepares to take a look at why the NES game based on the horror movie franchise Friday the 13th is more frustrating than scary as it seems for Halloween.
Athena Cykes' Game Review of Friday the 13th (NES)
Athena Cykes began her review after she already started up the NES console and placed the game in, "Well... Friday the 13th on the Nintendo Entertainment System. What can you say? The knife going into the eye in the beginning right away should be an indication of how...cool it is. This game is infamous for being...great, right? I mean, everybody loves this game, because it's awesome. I mean, the concept is just brilliant. Adapting a series of R-rated slasher movies for all the kiddies to play? Great idea.", as she synopsized, "There's six camp counselors you can play as, whether they're characters from the movie or not, I don't care, because... it's a good game. Going around throwin' rocks at zombies, collecting lighters, running around trying to find fireplaces to light... What more could ya ask for? Oh, and every great game has a map screen. And being that the game is mostly side-scrolling, you can't tell which direction you're supposed to be goin'. But... but that's cool. That's cool. It makes it more challenging. I like that. Like when you're walking left, but you're really heading to the right on the map? I love figuring that shit out. I love it. Just great.", as she took a deep breath and doesn't say anything for a moment before remarking when she looked pissed off by the game so far, "LIKE PUKE UP A DONKEY'S ASS! WHAT A SHITLOAD OF MOTHERFUCKIN' BULLFUCK! I mean, I'd rather eat snot and diarrhea vomited out of a buffalo's dick, and if you thought I was serious about this game-"
That was when she heard something enter her room with the sound of her door creaking open. Looking around her surroundings, she walks over to her door and peeks outside to see if anyone was there. After seeing no one there, she goes back to where she was and sits back down to continue the game.
"Love this game.", sarcastically said the orange-haired attorney, "Love the way the stones keep missing the zombies, because they go in this nice arc that flies over them. Fantastic. Gotta get the knife, it's mandatory.", before hearing an 8-bit alarm sound in the game, "Hear that sound? That's the Jason Alarm. When you hear that, you have to switch to the map screen, and see which cabin's blinking. See right there?", also pointing at the marker where the in-game character is at, "That's where I am. And over there, that blinking cabin way over there?", pointing over to the cabin marker on the game map, "That's where I'm supposed to go to fight Jason. And I have a time limit, so I need to get all the way over there, as fast as I can, or else Jason kills one of the camp counselors. So, which way do I walk? I guess left, because it's left on the map screen. Sounds self-explanatory. So, here I am, just...following the Yellow Brick Road. Because that's what it looks like, right? The Scarecrow scene? But that's okay, because...this game kicks ass."
Whilst playing the game, Athena checks the game map again before realizing she had made a mistake during the navigation.
The female lawyer realized, "Oh, fuck! Look at the map. I've just been walking in the wrong fucking direction. What a wonderful game! The bare basics of left and right do not apply... And that's why this game is so great, because it's free from all logic. It's like the game thinks that logic is for pussies! So, I finally get to the cabin, I walk in, and the mannequin counselor says 'THANK YOU!' Thanks for...walking into the cabin? I didn't fight Jason yet, but you're welcome."
During one part in the NES game of Friday the 13th, Athena navigates through an area in risk of encountering Jason Voorhees.
"He's around somewhere. Oh, yeah, he's coming. Uh-oh, he's coming!", Athena presumes as she played through the level, before Jason appears all of a sudden in the game itself, startling Athena, "WHOA! Well, he scared the SHIT outta me, and now he's fighting me like in Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!", until moments later she had succeeded in defeating Jason in the level, "So I beat him, but he'll be back...many times. Just like in the movies. Even after they called Part IV The Final Chapter, and then they went on to make it all the way up to number ten, known as Jason X, where he's in outer space. But that's another story.", continuing, "So for now, I go back to walking around and looking for cabins with fireplaces. I mean, wasn't this a great idea? Isn't this fun? Like, go in 3D for the cabin parts? I love how smooth the camera angles are. The overall design, the AstroTurf floors, just ingenious. The control's so fluent, you just might have to tap the D-Pad twice to get it to move. Isn't this fun? I just love tryin' to find the door, because, there's nothing in here, and now, I just wanna get the fuck out. Just wanna get the fuck out...", and whispered, "Because it sucks."
Nevertheless, she hears another sound again as she looked back and around her surroundings yet again.
The orange-haired girl asked herself, "What the fuck was that...?", before gradually turning back to play more of the game, "That's strange..."; she resumed, "So I'm walking around, looking for fireplaces, answering to the Jason Alarm every once in a while. And along the way, I continue to collect lighters, keys, weird bottles, and because that rock is as useless as a wad of paper, upgrading to the knife is essential. I go into a cabin, and right away I notice there's another mannequin camp counselor. I love how they have no face. It's real creative.", as she acknowledged the game's option menu, "I also love all those options on the right. Most of which could be condensed into just the simple use of the A button. But, this game just over-complicates things because it's so good. So let's try 'Change'.", testing it as it results in the player changing characters in the game like changing skins, "Alright, we switch camp counselors. So now my character's slower, I don't have any of my items anymore, and I'm back to using the FUCKIN' ROCK AGAIN. That really accomplished a lot! The day-to-night transitions are nice and smooth. I mean, seriously, it's a big improvement over Simon's Quest, where a fucking box appears and it interrupts the gameplay."; she then said, "No need for it, but, Friday the 13th doesn't have that problem, proving that day-to-night transitions can work when done right. Jason comes out once in a while to scare the shit outta ya. And his sprite looks really good in purple, doesn't he? That's a good color for him. Knowing that Jason couldn't have been the only enemy in the game, it's interesting to see the use of zombies, birds, and...even wolves to add to the mix. Even Jason's mom makes an appearance. And you know what she reminds me of? Those annoying fucking Medusas from Simon's Quest! Or wait... I'm talking about Castlevania III. What, so I hate that game, too? Anyway, besides that, let's get back to Friday the 13th.", as minutes later he character in the game died, "So, I'm dead. So once all six of your camp counselors are gone, the game's over."
A simple game over screen appears and says 'You and Your Friends Are Dead, Game Over'.
"That's ingenious. That's...the best Game Over screen I ever saw. For real, I'm actually being dead serious! DEAD FUCKING SERIOUS. That's brilliant, right? 'You and your friends are dead. Game Over.' It's priceless. Like, I can't believe it! Isn't that a mean thing to say to kids? Nobody ever dies in Nintendo. They're either defeated or they...turn into an item and like, float away. But here comes a game, like Friday the 13th, that just cuts the bullshit, shows some balls, comes flat out and says 'You're fuckin' dead...and your friends, too.' Beautiful. And what if there was a sequel? It would have to say something even worse. Like, I got it. I got a good idea of what it should say. It should say, 'You're dead. Your friends are dead. Your family's dead. Your fuckin' pets are being skinned alive. Your mom's a fucking whore. You suck at life. The whole world hates you. You're goin' to Hell. Live with it. Game Over.'", discusses the female attorney.
The girl then decided that enough was enough for playing the Friday the 13th game, as she turns off the game and takes it out of the NES console.
Athena overall stated, "So...that's it. I don't know what else to say. The music? It's fucking great. And even better, it loops over and over, so you get to hear the same thing constantly. Just wonderful."
However, in one part of the room behind her, a door opened as it appears to be a familiar face.
Jason Voorhees.
The iconic horror movie serial killer mascot slowly approaches Athena with his machete while the latter droned on about the game.
The orange-haired attorney continued, "I love those scary faceless kids in the cabin. Makes me have nightmares. As if the map screen isn't confusing enough, when you go into the cave or the woods, you have no idea where you are. When you stand on a path, you press up, and then the screen changes. You have no idea where you are, because the graphics are so repetitive. Every goddamn screen looks the same. I can't tell where I am, or where I'm going with this shit! And the cabins? Just fuckin' horrible! I can't find the fucking fireplaces, I get lost once I'm inside, I can't even just simply turn around and see the door. The control's so fucking awkward! I'd rather play Doom on Atari. I'd rather play Halo on a Tiger Electronic wrist game. I'd rather drown in diarrhea! I'd rather fucking eat my fucking breasts off and puke 'em up my fucking ass! I'd rather piss a cactus out of my..."
Athena turns around during her rant, just as she looks to see Jason Voorhees standing right behind her sitting position.
"Oh, shit.", horrified the female lawyer.
Jason uses his machete to try to slash Athena's head off, but the latter dodges as the machete slices through her chair.
Athena makes a run for it, trying to leave the room, but the door wouldn't budge. She gasps as she saw Jason approach her with his machete in-hand.
"Okay, okay. Let's talk about this. What are you doing here and what do you want? Why do you want to kill me? Did I do something wrong?", Athena said with a hint of anxiety when Jason comes closer and nearer to her.
When the iconic horror movie killer stops in front of her, the figure then grabs his hockey mask, takes it off...
...and Athena was shocked to see who it was.
It was Ema Skye.
"GOT YA!", mischieviously joked Ema, laughing hard as she drops the machete.
Athena exasperated, "What? Ema? What are you doing- What was that about?"
"I wanted to stop by, but after I heard you were doing a NES review of the Friday the 13th game, I was wondering if I could pull a prank on ya.", the forensics scientist told her friend.
The orange-haired girl was unfazed, "Well, you almost scared me. Can't believe you pranked me like that."
"Yeah, it was worth a try. After all, it is Halloween.", Ema Skye smirked.
Athena sighed, "Yeah, yeah. That's why I'm reviewing that and another game for this holiday.", as the forensics investigator rolled her eyes in amusement.
Going over to her couch in the room, she then concluded her review, "This game...is FUCKING HORRIBLE!", as she gouged down a bottle of orange juice.
"Gotta go for a bit. See ya later.", said Ema, leaving Athena's room while she was on the couch.
Minutes pass afterwards, as Athena was seen unconscious on the ground with a few bottles of orange juice seen lying on the floor. That is, until a familiar clawed hand was seen rising from behind the couch, creeping up as Athena wakes up to see this...
End of Athena Cykes' Game Review of Friday the 13th (NES)
To be continued in Athena Cykes' Game Review of A Nightmare on Elm Street (NES)