Chapter 32.
They parked the Impala on a dirt track in the woods and went to Sam's chosen site, a clearing Mary and Bobby used sometimes to train new hunters who were lacking survival skills. It was neither well known nor attractive to others. It was, in fact, the kind of anonymous, safe clearing campsite their dad had taken them to as kids.
Dean needed that familiarity and it saddened Sam a little that there was nothing more solid than a patch of ground similar to patches of ground they had experienced before. The car was continuity, the only kind they had ever had. The car and each other and the angel and the kid. That was Dean's comfort zone, except that the angel and the kid were now compromised, thanks to Michael.
As soon as they were out of the car, Sam automatically went to the trunk and grabbed the small hatchet.
"What are you doing?" said Dean.
"Going to find wood." said Sam.
"Nah, Jack and I can do that. Kid needs to learn how to do it right."
Sam gave him the hatchet.
"You're letting him go off alone with Jack and a sharp object?" said Cas.
"It's Dean, not Darth Vader." said Sam.
"He said he doesn't trust himself with Jack." said Cas.
Sam understood, but Cas was only going to make Dean more irritable and more likely to get angry with either celestial. "Cas, it's fine."
Dean looked at Cas and said, "He's not here because of me. He's here to watch me, in case I go mad and hurt Jack."
"No he isn't." said Sam, beginning to wonder if he should have brought gags and handcuffs, "The stuff you said ... it would worry anyone and Cas may seem over-protective ... "
"No, he doesn't." said Dean, "He's right. I can't be trusted."
"I trust you." said Jack, "So should we go and get some firewood or not?"
"If you lay a finger on him ... " said Cas.
"I know. You still have your angel blade." said Dean. He and Jack walked away.
"Cas ... " said Sam.
"We shouldn't have brought Jack." said Cas.
"Jack is a powered-down celestial posing no possible threat. Dean should be able to overcome his fear of Jack."
"Know how he usually overcomes his fear of things? He ganks them." said Cas.
"Are you here just to protect Jack?"
"I'm here because Dean said he wants me here. I'm not sure he does."
"Well, I do. And not just for Dean. I think you need to be here."
"I'm not sure I need any of this." In the direction Jack and Dean had taken, there was the sound of a branch breaking and Cas was instantly alert.
"He would never hurt Jack." said Sam.
"Did you think standing a few feet from the car put you out of my hearing range? Because it didn't. He said he nearly ran over Jack."
"I don't believe that."
"Why would he make that up?" said Cas, still with his attention on the direction they had gone.
"What's going through Dean's head these days is not true or real. He thinks he was about to hurt Jack, but he wouldn't."
"He's tried to kill you before now," said Cas, "And me."
"That fear you're feeling now ... a fear just like it is making him think all kinds of crazy things. Worse, you two are constantly sparking off each other's worst fears and making each other crazier than before and you both have plenty of excuses, but you also both know this is not real."
"It feels real, when he looks at me with pure hatred."
"That isn't hatred, it's terror."
"The point is, I can take it ... "
"Can you?"
"And if he loses it and attacks me, I can put him on his back with no trouble at all. Jack can't. One lucky punch and Jack's dead."
"Do you imagine for a second I'd have brought him here if I thought Jack would be in any danger at all?" said Sam.
Cas looked at him, the first angry glance softening to something closer to embarrassment. "No, of course you wouldn't."
"No, I wouldn't. Look, I think Jack was in more danger in the bunker. Dean is under constant pressure there. I brought him here in the hope that the pressure might ease off a little, but that can't work if you pick a fight with him. Dean is a scared kid, lashing out at shadows. You and me, we need to be the responsible adults. That means we avoid provoking him, if possible and we try to help him to work through some of this in a relatively safe place."
"Everything provokes him. My existence provokes him."
"He doesn't hate you."
"He's said he hates me."
"He's also said he hates me and Mom. You believe either of those? Dean talks a load of bull when he's scared. You know that."
"Yes, but perhaps you should consider the fact that I am also scared." It was a whispered confession, from an angel who still saw such weakness as a failure.
"I do." said Sam, "I always do."
"You think I'm always scared?"
"I wish you'd both cut that crap. Stop trying to hear everything I say as an insult." said Sam.
"Everything feels like an insult right now." said Cas. Sam could not miss the pain in his voice.
"I know." he said, "I hate what this is doing to you and Jack."
"And if I have to choose between Dean and Jack ... "
"We're here so you never will." said Sam quickly, "Cas, you're strong ... stronger than all the other angels."
"Debatable." said Cas.
"No, proven. I need you to be strong for Dean. It's too much to ask, I know, but I have to ask it, because I can't see any other way to fix this."
"You know I will do anything I can." said Cas.
"Thanks. I know how much that encompasses."
"I'd give my life for him."
"I know." said Sam.
"Just not Jack's."
"Understood. Jack is not expendable to me, either."
"So, what do we do now?" said Cas.
"Now, we gather some of this brush and make somewhere for us to sprawl in comfort."
"He won't be comfortable anywhere near me."
"In the firelight, everyone feels like family." said Sam hopefully.