10-06-2020

Lots to unpack in this chapter too. Let's get right in.

Flynn dumping CG's ass was necessary. Bro was being enabled.

Apa means big sister.

Chapter song: I'm not the only one - Sam Smith

Chapter Thirteen –. I know I'm not the only one.

Tuesday, September 15th, 2015

CPOV

My second weekend with Leila proved to be satisfying. I usually start to see problems with a sub with before the first weekend is over but she's doing well so far. Then again, once a month passes I may start to see shit hitting the fan. I try not to dwell that for now. I'll get whatever I can out of her. Even tonight, I'm having her meet me at Escala for a session since I'm leaving for Tokyo at midnight and returning next week.

My impromptu session with her after the breakup session with Flynn was just what I needed. Screw him. He was right about one thing though, I need to cut off from Anastasia and so I did. I instructed Ryan to only email me with a weekly report on Saturday night and text me if anything urgent came up. Till then, she would be out of my mind... except for the playlist. That is something I'm still holding on to, like a sentimental motherfucker.

On a more intriguing note, I found out she went to the shooting range this past weekend. While I fucked a sub, she shot guns in a safe and controlled environment. I suppose we all have our vices.

Still, the thought of her playing around with guns doesn't settle with me. Why the hell would she need to know how to shoot?

I hear the elevator ping and Leila walks in. We eat dinner in silence and when I'm finished, I tell her to be ready in the playroom in another 15 minutes.

After four hours of working her, non-stop and taking her body in every imaginable way, I'm satisfied. I unleashed about 60% of what I'm capable of in terms of punishment, most can't make it past 40% but Leila so far is proving to be quite promising. I sincerely hope she fucks up while I'm gone so I can up the ante a little. If she passes the 75% threshold, then Elena will have finally done a good job and it only would've taken her 4 years to actually provide me with a sub that could meet my needs.

"Miss Williams, I will be back next week. Be on your best behavior till then." I tell her. "Remember that I will still have eyes on you."

"Yes Sir." She purrs with a smile, keeping her gaze fixed on the floor.

Before I turn to leave she addresses me again.

"Sir, permission to speak freely."

"You may."

"If there's anything I can improve on, please let me know, Sir." She says.

I raise an eyebrow and cock my head to the side look at her naked body in front of me.

"When I come back, I am going to test your limits some more." I reply. "Especially that level 6 pain you confidently told me about." I smirk.

"I would like that very much, Sir." She nods with a smile.

"I suppose you have your work cut out for you then, Miss Williams." I tell her. "I want you here at 6pm next Wednesday and then again on Friday to resume our usual arrangement."

God knows after the shit I'll have to clean up in the Tokyo acquisition deal I'm going to need a release again. This whole Anastasia situation really fucked with my equilibrium and now I'm having a sub come over on the weekdays for a release. It'll all return to normal soon.

I dismiss Leila, telling her to clean up and go down to shower and head out to Sea-Tac where the jet is ready to fly out to Tokyo.

I walk into the pool house to check on mom's little oasis. It's a nice warm day but the light is changing now. Fall is coming our way.

I hear the faint sound of humming and look down over the wrought iron railings to see Anastasia walking inside the empty pool back and forth, as she hums and sings.

You say I'm crazy cause you don't think I know what you've done...

I go down the stairs and walk to the edge of the pool.

"What are you doing here?" I ask her angrily. "Leave me the fuck alone."

She turns around and smirks. "What happened to, I won't leave you leave." She mimics my voice.

"You left anyway."

She scoffs. "Yet you keep bringing me back."

"You hate me, so why the fuck are you here."

"BECAUSE YOU KEEP BRINGING ME HERE." She screams. "HOW ABOUT YOU LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE?"

"If you were mine, you wouldn't be able to sit for a week for such fucking insolence." I seethe.

She walks closer to the edge and looks up. I loom over her like a tower but she looks me dead in the eye not caring how tall I stand. "What would you use? The belt? The cane? Or... I know... the whip!" She throws her head back in childlike laughter. "Tell me Christian, does it feel good? The thought of punishing me and fucking me?" She cocks her head to the side.

"You don't know that the fuck you're talking about."

"You know exactly what I'm talking about." She turns to continue walking along the inside perimeter of the pool. "Maybe the rotten half can't be saved." She shrugs. "Maybe, I'll wither away from your mind too. With each beating of the belt, each strike of the cane, each lash of the whip, each rough fuck... I'll disappear completely. Problem solved." She goes back to humming.

I feel a lump form in my throat at the memory of her in the club. Before I can speak, she stops and looks in my direction.

"It's okay, Christian." She smiles. "You don't have to be sad. None of this is real any way."

"But..." I choke out and I'm unable to say anything further.

She giggles. "But what?" I watch her walk towards the ladder and climb up and walk towards me. When she's close she cocks her head to the side and smiles. "Don't worry. It'll all be over soon. You won't have to ever see me again. I promise."

"Sir... Christian..." I hear my name and suddenly open my eyes to see and feel Taylor grabbing my arms. I'm in a pool of sweat. Another nightmare.

Taylor releases me immediately and I sit up, burying my face in my hands. I barely register where I am when Taylor returns into the room with a glass of water.

"Thank you, Taylor." I tell him. He nods and walks out to the main cabin. I lie back down and raise the window shade to see the stars shining brightly in the dark sky.

The memory of Anastasia in my arms, from the night in the club comes back to me. Small and fragile, beaten and bruised. Her glimmering sapphires, full of tears as she looked up through the window and spoke in Farsi and Urdu about the stars and the moon.

And just like that my equilibrium is off all over again.

Wednesday, September 18th, 2015

APOV

Rania and I are sitting in the basement entertainment room, eating some leftover afghani food from dinner as a midnight snack while keeping up with kardashians' is playing in the background.

"You've barely said a word in the last hour. You always have a running commentary when we're watching this shit." Rania says.

I close my eyes for a second and look back at her, realizing I haven't really been watching TV at all. My mind has been somewhere else.

"Not much to say, Raniapa." I mumble, putting my plate on the coffee table in front of me.

"What's wrong Aana? I mean, I know everything has been really difficult but why won't you talk to us?"

"Is this why you've been hanging out with me?" I ask.

"No, not entirely. I mean, I've barely ever hung out with you alone. You were always with Kiran or Vishaal and now... it's my turn." She shrugs.

"I feel lonely."

"Why?" I can hear the worry in her voice.

"I'm sick of being myself, I guess. I want... friends." I swallow. "Someone who doesn't know all this shit about me. I am trying not to be sad but everything about my life, this house is a reminder you know..."

"That's fair." She turns to face me and props her elbow on the headrest of the sofa. "I know you've signed up for some of classes and stuff maybe you'll meet some people there?"

"Yeah, maybe." I mumble. "I think I just really want to get out of here." I look at her. "Don't get me wrong, I love you guys but... I've been stuck for 3 years you know."

"I know and it's a fair ask but Aana, it will take some time." She reaches out and takes me hand. "How's this new therapist?"

"Okay I guess. One hour isn't enough, by the time I get the crux of whatever issue I'm talking about we're at the last 10 minute mark and then we have the wind down." I tell her grumpily. "I mean I know all these issues, the self-esteem from Carla's mistreatment, and the husband #2 shit and the whole Vishaal manipulating me. I'm not okay with it but..." I shake my head.

"But what?"

"I can't talk to her about what's really on my mind. I mean I've tried to broach it but I can't fully talk to her about it."

"Talk to her about what?"

"Christian." I breathe quietly.

"What about him?"

"The idea of transference but it's not just that."

"Aana, just hit me with it." Rania is staring at me now and I have to tell her. It's now or never.

"I need you to promise me you won't freak out."

"You cannot start a conversation like that because it means I will freak out." She raises an eyebrow.

"Please Raniapa." I plead. "You need to attorney-client privilege this shit."

She rolls her eyes. "Fine."

I tell her everything I know about Christian in regards to the Elena thing and our surveillance. When I'm done she just stares at me.

She shakes her head and opens her mouth to say something but stops, then tries again but looks away shaking her head, completely confused. Then she picks up her phone and shows it to me.

"You mean to tell me, this fine piece of ass is a psycho?" She points to a picture of Christian from the cover of Forbes this year.

I burst out laughing, quite deliriously and fall into a crying and sobbing fit that prompts Rania to move towards me and embrace me in a bear hug.

Once I'm clamed down a little I start to laugh. "He's not a psycho, I mean... I don't know but there's something there."

"So this is why you want to meet the BDSM woman you found?"

"Yeah, I'm trying to keep an open mind. I've been reading a lot on the internet, blogs and interviews and what I've seen so far, doesn't match up with the contract he has. I've actually read some pretty interesting stuff and I understand a lot of it. I'm not scared of it that much."

"He has a contract? I wanna read it."

"I'll show you when we go upstairs." I tell her.

"Okay, look, I get that this is jarring but your reaction, I'm trying to understand it. Do you like him?"

I shrug. "I'm chalking it up to transference but I can't stop thinking about him. Every time he held my hand I felt something." I look back at her again. "I think I'm crazy."

"No. Don't say that." Rania scolds me. "If you feel something then you feel something. It's obvious he does too but honestly, the way he's going about it is SUPER PSYCHO." She throws her hands up. "I'm sorry, it just is."

"Those two women are playing him. She's like the Vishaal in his life, except, I see some of his traits in Christian too and it scares me."

"I agree with you on the manipulation, as for the Vishaal similarities, is Christian Grey a sociopath? I don't know, I've never met the guy but I also know that him saving you won't automatically absolve him of his fuckedupness. This whole Aana looklike human sex doll shit is creepy."

"Yeah." I nod.

"I'm excited to meet this Domme with you tomorrow. I think it will be good. The more you understand and hearing from a woman obviously will take the edge off, I think it will definitely help."

"Yeah, I'm looking forward to it."

Rania nods. "Also, I think it's time you and I started going out. No more of this staying home shit. Benny and Tom have got our backs. Let's go meet people. The outside world needs Ruby and Sapphire." She giggles.

"Christian is having me watched."

"WHAT?" she's full on gaping at me now. "Benny is gonna murder the son of a bitch AND his boss." Rania cackles.

"Yeah, earlier this week, Benny noticed this guy. He'd seen him around the neighborhood two weeks ago and then noticed him tailing us. He had Max run the plates and boom." I giggle. "He hacked into his phone and found out that Christian's been requesting security reports on my movements."

"Tell me you guys are gonna have fun with this."

"Eventually." I shrug and then shake my head. "Probably not."

"It's fucking weird. Wonder what he has on us?"

"Probably nothing. Aside from the Vishaal shit, we're boring as fuck. I don't think he's interested in us that way... why would he be? And even if he is, he's gonna find a lot of nothing."

"Hmm." She ponders for a few moments. "What are you going to do with all this information? Just show up at his doorstep and do like a timeshare presentation?"

"I haven't really decided. I know I want to hand deliver it personally, whether or not I meet him and stay for the fireworks is something I've not really decided on."

'If you do go to Seattle, let me know, I wanna tag along too."

"You just wanna see shit blow up don't you?" I laugh.

She scoffs. "Duh. Get with the program."

Sunday, September 20th, 2015

"My first question is, what did you make the fat asses to eat?" Max snapped as soon as the video call connected in the security office.

We all laughed and I proceeded to give him the low down of the menu, breakfast quiche with a baked cinnamon peach oatmeal dish I saw on pinterest.

"I hate you."

"And I adore you, Max." I giggled. "Don't you have vacation coming up? Come to SF, spend time with us. I'll make you breakfast, lunch AND dinner."

"I don't go out. I'm a vampire, remember." He grumbled. "Anyway... just send me brownies and cookies."

I laughed and Benny cleared his throat signaling that we needed to begin.

"Elena Lincoln is currently on her way back from the Cayman Islands." He began. "On Friday we were able to gain access to her safety deposit box to retrieve its contents."

"Wait, how did you pull that off? Don't you need to be there in person with the key?" I asked.

"I have a few contacts I reached out to last week. It was an easy fix." Tom replied and I nodded. He put the hard drive on the table and I felt my heartbeat spike. He told me his contact flew in last night and handed it to him. Best not to questions ex-CIA I guess. "As for the sweep of her house this week that revealed some interesting things as well."

"We've bugged and installed cameras around her place. Tom's stateside contact was able to crack the safe and the following contents were revealed, $30,000 in cash and a stack of Christian Grey's contracts with previous subs." Max told us. "She has another safe in hidden within her playroom under the floor. That revealed an air gapped laptop with printed photographs." I saw his expression change and he pursed his lips.

"I don't want to see it. Just tell me." I said.

"Well..." Max cleared his throat then rubbed his forehead. "Look, Steele... this shit is not easy to describe."

"I don't need details just, general idea will be fine." I said, looking at Tom and Benny. "Have you both seen the contents of it?"

They both silently nodded and I could tell it was uncomfortable.

"The laptop had a collection of photographs and videos of Christian Grey as a... 15 year old boy. He had just turned 15 when they started their... arrangement. This footage clearly shows his face and well... his entire body in some instances."

"What?" I shakily asked. "Just turned 15?" I felt my eyes burn and my throat close up. "H-he was just... a boy." Tears spilled out of my eyes and I quickly wiped them away.

"Yeah. The footage is... in some cases brutal. She beat him till he was black and blue then performed what I would say are deviant sexual acts on a child." Max said with a heavy voice. "In some cases, other adults were involved. He was loaned out, that's the term in the community."

I leaned on the table and buried my face in my hands. What the fuck is all this shit? It's too much. How can... I don't understand any of this.

"I'm sorry, I need a minute." I get up and walk out into the living area to take a breather but sobs wracked my body and I sink to the floor. Memories of the club come back in full force and I felt the rise of heat in my hip and the lash of the belt on my back.

"Hey.. hey..." Tom and Benny crouched down and Tom reaches out and holds my shoulders. "Breathe Annie. I need you to breathe with me, okay." I nod and follow his directions. A few minutes later I calm down and Benny brings me a glass of water to drink before helping me up.

I joined them in the room again after washing my face and asked Max to continue.

"There is similar footage of other children, both boys and girls but no names attributed to them except for initials. Their faces are also mostly hidden. There is one on Isaac but it's mostly from his younger years. She started with him when was 14." He winced as he said the last part and I had to stop myself from gagging, shaking my head trying to rid myself of the image of what was potentially happening in those videos and pictures.

"She has a specific folder dedicated to Grey. She's obsessed with him. They're meticulously logged in. By year, month and day. It's not just of her time but with Phoebe and now Leila. Recorded footage of their scenes and... well, the sub turned Dom doesn't fall far from the BDSM tree. Some cold shit, that's all I gotta say." Max revealed further.

He's probably a sadist like Elena then. It would make sense if that was his introduction to it.

Elena is not a Domme. She's just a sadist. A motherfucking psychotic sadistic child abuser.

There are also some hard copies of the photos taken with a film camera. We took the those right out of the safe. Whenever you do plan on giving him all this, we will need a 24-48 hour heads up to go in and take a magnet to her electronics and scramble all that shit."

"You think she has any other hiding place? A cloud or something?"

"No she doesn't. I had Tom's contact hook up the airgapped laptop to the wifi so I could hack in and upload everything to the AHAK server. It took a while but we got it done."

"Won't she freak of those hard copies of the photos are missing?"

"She will but she won't be able to do shit. She's really not that smart. I manipulated her basic ass CCTV setup and I have it recording right now in case she meets with either Pheobe or Leila when she comes back. She won't know we were there. Tom's contact made sure to do an electronics scan of her dungeon before stepping in—don't worry, Steele we're good."

"Sorry, I'm just... I don't want anyone to get in trouble. God already knows the hell that's gonna rain on me."

"Grey won't do shit to you." Benny growled. "The fucker better thank you."

I gave Benny a tight smile and turned to face the screen again. "What else, Max?"

"Well, I've already consolidated all the information and uploaded it. The only copies are on the private AHAK server. We will have it downloaded to an airgapped laptop and you can deliver that to him, in addition to the hard copies of the photos. Once we load everything on to the new laptop, I'll format the server."

"Hopefully he'll trust my word that we don't have copies of any of that shit."

Tom scoffed. "Him not trusting you is his problem. You're literally saving his life."

"Yeah, but he saved mine." I shrugged.

"Then you're even, though, I reckon he still owes you more right now." Tom continued.

"Tom's just saying that cause he wants you to keep cooking for him." Max laughed.

"How long do you three think I should wait to give him all this?" I asked.

"The sooner the better, Annie. Get rid of this shit. Move on." Benny looked at me. "Grey is due back in Seattle on Tuesday night. Wednesday morning, let's fly in and deliver it to his office."

"Wait, how do you know that?" I asked confused.

"Ryan's texts to Taylor." Max told me with a smug face. " He's using a burner phone and gave that number on the car rental agreement. Taylor told him that he would be on Tokyo time till Tuesday morning." I try my best not to giggle.

"I need to think about this." I told them. I also need to cut my god damn hair. I thought to myself.

WHY THE FUCK WAS I THINKING ABOUT MY APPEARANCE?

Right, because he's busy fucking my lookalike.

"The longer you take, the more footage she adds to her laptop and we'll need to download that as well unless just in case." Max warned. "Not to mention making sure she's not home. She's not home to till late but you never know."

"What about her current sub?"

"He's a student at Portland State. On campus housing. He's still there. He drives up to Seattle every Friday afternoon and leaves Sunday afternoon."

"Phoebe?"

"She's.. there's something off about her. She's definitely on meds and visits a therapist 3 times a week. She's working two jobs and burning through the money Grey gave her." Max tells us.

"Where is she exactly?"

"Still in Seattle. Elena is paying her rent."

"Hypothetically speaking, how do we avoid Ryan?" I ask. "I don't want Grey to know I'm coming to Seattle."

Tom gives me his signature cheesy smile. "Leave that to me, Steele."

"Don't hit him Tom." I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Can I slash his tires?"

I giggled and nodded.

"We'll call in a favor like we did we came to get you from Seattle. We won't use the company jet and either Tom or I will accompany you and Rania."

"Okay." I breathed. I was so nervous. I felt like my whole body would break into a million pieces. "Tuesday night we finalize the laptop and Wednesday morning, Tom have your contact do another sweep when she leaves for the salon so that when we fly in midday, we can make sure there's no new footage to add to ours."

They both nodded.

"I'll be monitoring the text logs till Wednesday morning but I doubt anything will come of it. If it does then I'll send it over and you can add it." Max adds before hanging up a few minutes later.

I stare into space trying to come to terms about what I'm about to do when I hear Benny's voice call out to me.

"Yeah, Benz?"

"It's gonna be fine."

"I know, I just... I feel bad for him."

"Yeah well, he's a grown ass man now. You can show him the way but he has to walk it all on his own."

I silently nod and take a deep breath, taking my phone out.

Ana: Wednesday morning. Seattle to drop off the package for Grey.

Raniapa: Of course, love. Ask Benny to text me deets. Sorry I couldn't come by this morning but don't worry, you're doing the right thing.

Ana: Thanks apa. I love you.

Raniapa: Love you babies.

Monday, September 21st, 2015

Rania and I met with Cynthia Morrison on Thursday. We had a 5 hour meeting with her to ask any and all the questions I had about the lifestyle. I half expected her to be fully dressed in a dominatrix outfit but Rania and Benny had communicated to her that I wanted to meet for a paper I wanted to write for college. It was a bullshit reason but she was still compensated well for her time.

We found her name while going through Armure's financials and contracts. Vishaal was going to have her be a resident fixture and help train couples who needed instruction or give presentations on technique etc. Turns out she knew him in undergrad at Harvard. She was a psych major and then later on she did her MBA from Harvard too.

Now gives instruction to private clients and clubs on both the East and West Coast. The woman makes a shit ton of money doing what she loves and I had to applaud her for the effort.

When I told her what happened between Vishaal and myself her face paled. He never told her who Saphir actually was, just that it was a girl he was dating and wanted to buy the club and name it after her.

Thankfully she had already written him off once news broke of his arrest and the club came under scrutiny. She sure as hell didn't wanted to be associated with that drama.

After my 5 hour talk with her about everything BDSM that I could think of asking, I felt centered. Maybe it was because I was hearing from an actual woman who was fully in control and celebration of her sexuality. Something that I still had to come to terms with for myself.

I learned that there were varying degrees to the lifestyle and that there were a infinite permutations of how people practiced it but that the central tenet was always consent.

She confirmed whatever I had read on the internet through, blogs and interviews which made me feel a little validated.

When I showed her the redacted version of Christian's contract with his latest sub, she pursed her lips a little.

She was right on the money with her assessment though, she knew that whoever drew up this contract was someone with a lot of money and... issues. I suppose that was her psych degree coming into play. The most interesting that she pointed, which I had very fleetingly thought about was that there was nothing that alluded to the Dom bonding with his sub. There was no mention of aftercare. There was no list of demands from the sub aside from the payment schedule and the provision of a room to stay in, along with a car.

"I find this part interesting" she referred to the contract. "Mostly in the lifestyle, we go with informal written or even just verbal agreements that list our hard and soft limits and aftercare needs. Things we need to feel safe and cared for. A lot of comes down to trust. None of these contracts would hold up in a court of law, they're just there to reference back to. I'd say, it's almost like the honor code in a way. Like in a vanilla relationship, cheating is mostly a hard limit, unless you two have a get out of jail free card for that shit." she laughed.

"Pain and pleasure are two sides of the same coin. You define the limits to what YOU can take not the other way away... but trust me when I say that a little spanking goes a long way." She winked at us making Rania and I giggle like little school girls.

"Money is almost never part of the dynamic unless you're well, you're this guy". She gestured towards the contract.

There are fake Dom's in the lifestyle. Men and women who are only considered with the destination and have no interest in the actual journey of how you get to the destination and create a strong bond with your submissive.

Only a Dom can train a Dom and sub can train a sub. You will meet some Dom's who were never submissives and that shit is problematic .If you ever meet a Dom that says he want to 'train you' – girlfriend, RUN.

"Love can totally exist within a BDSM relationship but is not necessary. BDSM is a very intense and intimate experience. I am never surprised when a Dom and sub fall in love, even if the intent was to just keep things kinky and not romantic.

This dynamic at its core is about devotion from the core of your being with respect, open communication and fulfilling each other's expectations. Just like when you love someone, you do things for him or her because you want to please them. BDSM sometimes gets a bad rap because it's such an absolute label and people attribute the problematic patriarchal constructs to them. Again, most subs are men but that shit isn't promoted enough cause well... you tell me." She laughed.

"There are people who are strictly vanilla and people are strictly BDSM and then there is are those who have a little of both in their dynamic but usually if you prefer to remain in the absolutes, a BDSM practicing person would find it hard to forgo the BDSM completely. It would also be unfair to ask someone to do that for you. Same goes for asking someone who is vanilla/non-kinkster to completely jump in headfirst to a BDSM lifestyle. I would strongly urge you to do what you're doing right now; research, talk to people in the lifestyle, talk to subs and then maybe experiment in clubs.

The other part of this is, that being in this lifestyle requires a lot of self-reflection and being sure of yourself and knowing what you need to be fulfilled because like in ANY relationship if you're not happy, then it's not worth it. Which is why maybe experimenting a bit beforehand would be best. Jumping straight into a BDSM relationship with this guy who gave you the contract, especially with the level of restriction and lack or non existent aftercare he has... I would not recommend it. You mentioned you're a virgin, that's unfair to you. Remain unattached and explore your limits before submitting to someone long term. That would be my two cents."

"I've had some clients who have had traumatic experiences in the past before they got into the lifestyle and use BDSM as a way to reprogram that traumatic experience. They feel much safer having sex in the confines of the lifestyle than during vanilla. Honestly this lifestyle has shown me how vast and complex our psyche is. What works for me, may not work for you and so on and so forth. Which is why there is so much room within the lifestyle to explore and frankly, it's exciting."

"The relationship and dynamic is what you make of it. What you are comfortable with. A Dom has to earn their sub's submission and devotion. A sub holds all the power because you 'let' your Dom exert his/her will over you. Without that, he/she can't do shit."

"Yes, you can be a sub without having punishments with physical pain. Not all BDSM relationships are physical, some are purely mental/emotional. Heck some only exist online and long distance. Some are purely physical and meet maybe once a month for a scene and then they don't speak to each other for weeks. Again, as I said, different permutations – as long as you are fulfilled in your dynamic, that's all that matters."

"TPE is not everyone's cup of tea. Some people only indulge in it for short amounts of time, similar to what I'm seeing in this contract. It's TPE heavy for a weekend and then some of it also seems to seep into the regular week with the sleeping, eating and drinking stuff. Also, TPE is not conducive to real life. Unless, you've got boatloads of money and literally nothing else to do in your life, 24/7 you can be in a Master/slave dynamic. Personally for me, that shit gets old real quick. Some hardcore people even forgo safewords. I'm not into that."

"Some subs and Dom's prefer to remain unattached. They do short term scenes in clubs only. Some D/s relationships are only confined to the bedroom or dungeon. It's whatever floats your boat or you know, gets you off" She cackled and we all laughed.

"Just remember, whatever you and your partner decide in the privacy of your bubble will be right for you. It's not wrong, it's just a different way of having sex and being in a relationship and it's nobody's fucking business but yours. Trust." She sassed.

Rania and I really liked Cynthia. I actually asked her if I could have more sessions to ask questions and she happily agreed. I also asked if I could meet with a Dom and sub who were in a relationship and she told me she'd ask around and let me know. She even invited Rania and I to a BDSM club she gives instruction at located at SoMa. Rania of course jumped at the chance while I was a bit hesitant.

Truth is, I really want to go but if Christian is having me followed, I feel weird. Which is hilarious because I'm literally prying into his private life.

I was reading an article on how people who practice BDSM tend to be more open to newer experiences and had low rejection sensitivity than non-practioners. I don't get that vibe form Christian at all. The article did however say that one negative trait was that BDSM practitioners showed lower levels of agreeableness. That was Christian right on the money given my limited experience with him.

Another thing I found interesting was that women seemed far more liberal in their emotional development with BDSM than men. I read a few blogs by men that insisted that love couldn't exist within the dynamic that it was a sure way to fuck up the BDSM relationship. I'm going to go with Cynthia on this.

However, while I understand the lifestyle now and can intellectually talk about it, I find myself still having problems with the idea submission to a human being in that absolute way.

I know it comes down to trust.

Except, trust is something that I'm in short supply of.

Here I am, a virgin thinking about BDSM. My life is tragically hilarious. I shake my head and go through my playlist in search of a different song to get me out of my funk, while I continue to walk back and forth in the backyard when I get a call from Benny.

"Benzo!" I answer cheerily.

"Annie." He grumbles. "I'm at the front door. There's a someone here to see you."

"Who?" I ask curiously.

This has to someone that's not part of the family or a medical professional because he other wise tells me by name who's here to see me.

"Elliot Grey."

A'N: As I said before, lots happened. Hit me with your thoughts.

What do you think the meeting with Max when told him about what the recovered from Elena's house? Ana's reaction to it? Her conversation with Rania and her recap and understanding of meeting with the Domme and most of all, ELLIOT SHOWING UP? What do you think is going to happen?