Happy New Year! 2021, woooot :D

Eeeek! 300+ reviews! I love you guys! Thank you :) So the general consensus is the original plan would have caused heart attacks and I have some explaining to do in James' POV ;)

Warning: Misogyny, Violence, Kidnapping

Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter. Art work by the awesome Meg (tumblr: anxiouspineapples)

Monsters You Can't See

Later January, 6th Year

"Rose, I mean this a hundred percent sincerely," Sirius said unexpectedly plopping down in front of Lily in the library, "what the fuck are you doing?"

Lily looked down to her notes, caught off guard. "The Charms essay?"

"No dummy, with Prongs."

"Oh." Lily continued to look at him utterly perplexed.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked annoyed.

"Like what?"

"Like I'm someone ugly, I don't know, people don't normally look at me the way you are."

"I'm just surprised you're talking to me, s'all," she answered honestly.

Ever since their talk, Lily and James had mostly avoided each other, only saying a few words here and there and exchanging cordial smiles.

It. Was. Torture.

Lily had no idea how she was supposed to act like she didn't know what he tasted like, know how he moaned when he came, know how he smiled just for her — like his entire day was made whenever she'd granted him even the littlest hint of affection — so well that she could have painted it. She wanted so badly to Obliviate herself — to forget every touch, every word, every perfect moment they had created for themselves — but she couldn't. After all, when she'd see him the next morning, this handsome, fit, charming, witty stranger, why wouldn't she just ask him out right away? It was driving her absolutely insane.

"Why?" Sirius pushed.

"Because… You're Prongs' friend." Lily found even saying his real name hurt.

"I am. So?"

"So… I dunno!" Lily threw her hands up in frustration.

"You thought I only talked to you because you were screwing my best mate?"

Lily cocked her brow at him. "Maybe?"

"Evans, I told you, I like you—"

"I don't think you ever have actually."

Sirius looked up to the ceiling, pondering this. "Well, I do, you're sassy; but stop fishing for compliments." Before Lily could protest, he rolled on through. "Now that we've established that we're friends, I'm allowed to say this: you're fucking up big time!"

"Wow, I'm so happy we're friends now," Lily deadpanned.

"I'm serious! I don't get it!" He got a little too animated and Pince shushed him. He leaned in. "I saw you this Christmas: you're smitten like a kitten with him." He pushed his hair out of he gorgeous face agitatedly. "I went out on a limb for you, Evans. I basically told him to man up and ask you out proper otherwise he couldn't get mad when you fucked around — but I heard you actually didn't shag anyone else, congrats." He held up his hands like it would somehow excuse his vulgar language and incorrect assumptions. "But I never would have pushed him had I known you'd say no."

It all clicked into place: Sirius obviously wasn't aware of the prophecy — Dumbledore had sworn them to secrecy. To Sirius, James and her just looked like an in love couple… half of which had major commitment issues. How frustrating it must be for James not to be able to tell him my secret. "It's complicated."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Then uncomplicated it." He stood up from the table but then leaned back in. "And don't wait too long, Rose. I don't know if you've noticed, but your man is a catch." Oh have I ever…

His words hurt though. She knew it would only be a matter of time before James would find someone else like her, but this someone wouldn't be cursed. She'd be smart, funny, beautiful… and able to live a long, happy, peaceful life with him. Give him children. Get to watch as he became the amazing father she knew he could be. Well, at least you won't be around to have to watch it for too long, she joked with herself morosely to prevent herself from crying instead. "Hey Sirius," she called after him, getting his attention back before he left. "I'm sorry."

His brows twitched. "Hm?"

"I didn't know you were a decent guy before. I apologize for that." After all, it took a special sort of person to talk to a girl and try to make her come to her senses on your behalf behind your back.

"Oh Lily." He winked. "That's because I wasn't."

The days passed slowly, with Marlene and Lily slowly patching up their friendship. Mar clearly still felt a little guilty for coming at Lily as strongly as she had, but Lily understood that (at least on the James front) she was only trying to protect the ones she loved. Dorcas started acting a little more chipper to help mediate the temporary tension, which Lily greatly appreciated from the usually very sarcastic girl.

Despite all this, Lily still found herself seeking solitude, huddled by the lake, frigidly writing in her diary. She considered lighting a little blue flame, like James had taught her over Christmas, but she just couldn't do it. It felt wrong to steal his tricks when she wasn't with him, as silly as that sounded.

Ever since there'd been a vicious attack in London against Muggles, the Aurors that had been stationed around the outskirts of Hogwarts had been called back. It seemed as though their department was stretched thin enough as it was, and they couldn't justify anyone just hanging around a school campus. Lily didn't mind much — she'd always felt pretty safe at Hogwarts. It was probably this upcoming summer that she had to worry about. She wondered what Dumbledore would have her do then. I'll have to find another job… and a place to stay…

But she tried to focus on the good in her life too: knowing that Mary was (maybe) coming back made her so excited for next year. She'd make sure she and Marlene and Dorcas all became super close, hell, even Hestia could join their girl gang too, and things would be great. Next year. And maybe then you won't notice that James no longer wants anything to do with you…

The worst part was, she couldn't even blame him. His proclamations all burned in her mind: 'you've been using me like a sex toy,' 'you can't even tell me how you feel,' even his tipsy little joke back at his house, 'would you still wan' me if I weren't so fuckin' fit?' plagued her. He wasn't completely off base either, at least in the beginning. When they'd started this, she had been using him for his body. In her head, he had wronged her, so she was getting hers, his own feelings about everything be damned. It hadn't felt so bad when she'd realized what he actually wanted from her, because by that point, she'd been on the same page — even if she couldn't give it to him yet (or maybe at all). But obviously, he'd had enough. And she couldn't blame him.

So now he's abandoned you. Lily knew it wasn't quite that dramatic, they still saw each other every (damn, miserable, inescapable) day in this (way too tiny, fish-bowl of a) castle, but that's what it felt like. It's better this way, Lily tried convincing herself. Less people will get hurt like this. James will be all right. James will live.

Lily got up from her island rock surrounded by ice and slid forward, towards the center of the lake. It was fun, it was dumb, she needed it. She ran and slid again, going a couple meters this time before skidding to a halt. Over and over she ran and slid until her feet flew out from under her and she crashed onto the ice in a giggling heap. She lay on her back, in the middle of the frozen lake, looking up at the crystal blue sky, catching her breath. Less than 8 months till September. You can do this… you've gotten through worse.

"Lily…" a voice hissed from behind her, forcing her to bolt into sitting position. Overcome with fear, her wide eyes darted around. It couldn't have been behind you… because that means… "Lily…!" The call was coming from below the ice.

Chest heaving, Lily gathered the nerve to glance down — and immediately screamed. Glowing red eyes on a snow-white face just below the surface were staring straight at her, bashing its forehead into the ice, causing cracks to propagate throughout the lake, ringing out like a sharp death knoll.

"Stop! STOP!" Lily yelled hysterically getting on her hands and knees as water spurted out through the fissure, spraying her. She was about to fall into the freezing water, about to join this creature, and there was nothing she could do to prevent it. A pale arm with spidery fingers shot through the ice and grabbed her forearm. "No!"

"LILY!" Remus' voice called out as he sprinted towards her, skidding to a halt by her side. He put a warm arm around her, pulling her to her feet. "Lily, what are you—"

"Look, look!" Lily said deliriously, pointing to their feet… but there was nothing there, only smooth ice over black emptiness. "No…" Lily mumbled. "It was just there! I just saw it!"

"Lily, let's get you back—" Remus tried gently, ushering her towards the castle.

"No! Remus, there was just a creature! You have to believe me, it had red eyes, and a pale face, and… they were just there!" She knew she sounded crazy, but she was sure it had just been there. The way her heart was still thumping through her ribs couldn't have been made up.

Remus wrapped his cloak around her. "Maybe it was a Mermaid? I've heard they live down there."

Embarrassment flooded her body. Did I just have a meltdown… over a sodding Mermaid? "Maybe…"

"Why were you that far out anyway?" He had wrangled them almost back on land now.

Lily shivered, quickly picking up her bag along the way. "It was fun while it lasted."

Remus scoffed. "Okay, well, even Padfoot has his dumb fun with a buddy. Maybe you should consider doing the same."

Lily felt like she was getting lectured by a professor. They walked in silence for a bit, Lily's mind reeling. "So you're not gonna yell at me too?"

Remus gave her a look. "I thought I kinda just did."

"No, not about my spur of the moment iceskating, about Prongs." She blew a lock of hair out of her face. "Padfoot did."

"Oh." Remus shifted a bit. "I mean, it's not really any of my business, so…"

Lily no longer knew if the shaking of her hands was from the cold or because of that terrifying sight she'd just witnessed. Either way, she was drained, this was her first time alone with Remus in a while, and she had run out of tact days ago: "Do you need me to cover for you on any prefects duties on the 31st?"

Remus stopped in his tracks, eyes trailing to her slowly. "Why would I need your help on the 31st?"

Lily tilted her head and gave him a 'oh really?' expression. "Because your mum's gonna be sick."

Remus opened and closed his mouth uselessly, at a complete loss.

Lily continued, "I'm not going to tell anyone obviously, but you might want to ask your friends to tone down their moon-related jokes." She shrugged like it was no big deal. "Also, if your mum was actually sick, you would never have spent Christmas Eve and most of Christmas at the Potter's; it didn't make sense."

Remus stared at her dumbfounded like he couldn't compute why she hadn't run for the hills yet. "You don't… you don't think I'm a monster?"

That he was genuinely asking broke her heart. "Only when you don't share the flourless chocolate cake with me on Fridays and eat it all yourself."

He gave her a small smile. "That you discovered my secret because of your keen sense of empathy is just so you, Lily." She beamed back at him. "Why didn't you say something sooner?"

"Um," Lily fidgeted with her hair, "I thought it wasn't really any of my business? And you're always so considerate of mine." She looked into his kind eyes. "But that doesn't mean I don't want you to know I'm here for you. And, I got a little carried away researching earlier, and I know it's not much, but I found this complicated brew I could try to make for you that's supposed to ease—" But Lily couldn't finish her sentence, because Remus had brought her in for a suffocating hug. "Oof! I mean, I said I'd try, it really has the most complex instructions I've ever seen."

Remus pulled back, eyes watery. "Thank you. Poppy's tried multiple times to brew it, the previous healer too, but they can never get it right. We think Slughorn could probably do it, but we can't be sure that he would be accepting of my… of my condition."

"I'll see what I can do." Lily reached for his hands and gave them a gentle squeeze. She tilted her head. "I still haven't figured out why all of you have animal nicknames though. I mean, clearly Prongs is obsessed with deer, but I haven't found an ailment that turns you into one."

Remus smirked. "I guess you'll have to ask him about that."

Later, when she was undressing for bed, Lily noticed a scorching red handprint on her left forearm. The creature had somehow burned her through all the layers of her clothing.

Soon it was Lily's 17th birthday. The best present she thought she'd be getting was the knowledge that the Ministry would be writing to Rick and Mag to inform them that she'd been emancipated and they would no longer be getting paid to 'take care' of her. She doubted they'd even be able to figure out it was because it was her birthday.

"Happy birthday!" Marlene said brightly, depositing a bag at the front of Lily's bed.

"Mar, you didn't have to buy me anything…" Lily flushed embarrassedly. "It's no big deal."

"No big deal? Lily. You're legally an ADULT! The world is your oyster! You can officially do whatever you want!"

"Except Apparate well apparently. I don't get why you're so bad at it," Dorcas deadpanned laying down a box next to Marlene's present. "This one's from me and Hestia by the way."

It was true, they'd had another few lessons in Apparation in the Great Hall, and Lily just couldn't get it right, and she had no idea why. It was the most frustrating thing ever. Sirius — who already had his license but was at the lessons anyway for moral support for the other Marauders — had found her weakness hilarious. By the end of the hour, he'd just started popping up all around her just to show off. It was lucky he was so fast, otherwise she'd have made her prediction of punching him in the face come true.

"Guys, this is too much—"

"Sh, you don't even know what it is. We could have gotten you a spoon."

"A very shiny spoon," Marlene added, nodding happily.

Lily rolled her eyes and pulled a gorgeous gold-sequined mini dress out of Mar's gift bag, her jaw dropping. It was absolutely gorgeous. She was at a complete loss for words.

"I thought the color would go well with your skin tone and hair color. But if you hate it, I figured you could always charm it for the night. I've seen you do that before."

"It's already perfect." Lily's eyes hadn't left the sparkly piece. "Now all I need is to go out with you guys one of these nights."

The girls shared a giggle. "How bout tonight?"

"Hm?"

Marlene shrugged. "I may be throwing you a surprise party." Dorcas put up air-quotes as their friend said, 'surprise.' "I just figured you should know so you don't go volunteering at the hospital wing—"

"Or brewing some mystery potion in the dungeons—"

"Or doing all the homework for the next year—"

"Or saving kittens from the Whomping Willow—"

"Okay! Okay, I'll keep tonight free!" Lily tittered.

Dorcas pointed to the box. "It's jewelry by the way." She stood up to resume getting ready for the day. "Spoiler: it's gold."

Lily laughed, before looking up to her. "Hey, don't you have practice tonight?"

"Psh. Like Potter would miss this."

Lily blushed as she opened the box to see a dainty bracelet with gold stars. She sighed internally, happy she could keep wearing her current necklace, even if it was a clashing of metals. She knew James noticed small details like this, and keeping his heart on her was her small, pathetic way of declaring she still loved him. Even if he had no idea what her actions meant — because you never told him, you dolt.

"I invited him tonight, is that all right? I basically invited everyone," Marlene whispered.

Lily nodded. "Yeah, that's great. I'm excited." It was a half-truth; the other half of her wanted to puke.

"Rose!" Sirius cried out before engulfing Lily in a bear hug at breakfast, a bouquet of white roses in his hand.

"Sirius, can't breathe—!" Lily huffed, practically in his armpit.

"You're officially a woman now! Congratulations!"

Lily gave him a sly smile as he pulled back, stuffing the roses under her nose. "Thank you. These smell lovely." Lily was secretly grateful he hadn't gifted her alcohol like she'd been scared he might. She was rather over the stuff considering what had happened last time she'd indulged even a little bit.

Remus and Peter had gotten her two books on healing and James had been there, awkwardly standing back while his friends wished her well. She hadn't expected anything from him, but… it still hurt. Perhaps he'd seen this on her face, because right before they moved on, he leaned in quickly to kiss her cheek. She tried her hardest not to react, she really did, but the second his lips touched her skin, she couldn't help her breath loudly catching in her throat. He pulled back slowly, his eyes all fire as they panned down her face. "Happy birthday, Lils."

And then he was gone. Like it had never happened at all. (Any of it.)

"Sooo, I heard there's a party in your honor tonight?" Adam asked as they settled into their seats in Defense Against the Dark Arts class. The first few times James hadn't sat with her anymore had been the most painful; she was almost over it by now. Almost.

"Yeah… apparently it's in the Astronomy Tower. Rebecca's doing rounds — again? She told me she owes her brother. No clue what that's about, but she said she's gonna pretend like the Astronomy Tower doesn't exist tonight, so that's cool!"

"Awesome. I'll give you your present then."

Lily had stopped trying to refuse gifts at this point. This year was such a complete 180 from her 16th birthday… which she wasn't sure that she could even really remember. Remus might have given her some cake?

Before she knew it, Marlene was rushing Lily, all dolled up (but in flats, she'd insisted given how much her feet had hurt after the Potter Christmas Gala) to the tallest tower. Whoever had performed the muffling charm must have been a genius, because she couldn't hear a single squeak until she opened the door.

It was loud, people were drunk, and it was a lot. She was happy other people were having fun, and that Sirius seemed to have made himself the unofficial host (because that was always entertaining), but she couldn't stop wishing she had someone's strong, tan arm around her. She wished he was whispering in her ear what a ham his brother was. She wished he was holding her hand while she was blowing out her cake's candles and you bet your sweet ass she was wishing for him when she did.

I made a mistake. Is it too late to tell him this? Is it too late to throw caution to the wind and gamble both our lives for a moment of happiness? And just like that, she'd talked herself back out of any sort of reconciliation — you selfish cow.

Lily snuck away to the tower's tiny roofless spire where only the Astronomy class' top student was ever allowed to work from. In her experience, this had mostly been Remus. He had always seemed pretty invested in the moon's orbit, and now she felt like an idiot for not having pondered why that might be sooner. As soon as she got to the landing, she wished she'd just stuck it out downstairs. "I'm so sorry!" she peeped as Dor and Robby jumped apart, faces flushed and lips swollen. "I didn't realize anyone was up here!" She pointed behind her. "I'll just go."

"No need, birthday girl!" Dorcas squeaked back. "We'll just…" She motioned down the stairs and then dragged a very bashful Robby along behind her.

"Happy birthday, Lily!" he called over his shoulder while disappearing.

Lily chuckled as she leaned against the parapet. The grounds looked so pretty from all the way up here. Hagrid's hut was but a tiny Lego piece on the lawn, billowing a constant spiral of smoke.

Suddenly her back felt unreasonably warm and she was bathed in a faint blue glow. She squeezed her eyes shut. Please be here, please be here with me… she prayed to all things magical.

"Aren't you freezing?" Sweet Merlin. Maybe birthday wishes do come true?

His blue flame floated next to her as James wrapped her in his cloak and leaned over the wall next to her. "Nah. This white knight keeps banishing the cold away from me, so I'm always all right." It was her birthday — she was allowed to flirt a little.

The corner of his mouth dragged up. "Not enjoying your party?"

"No, I am. I just… needed a breather."

He turned his head to face her. "Oh yes, I could see how there'd be a lack of fresh air in an Astronomy Tower," he teased.

"Shut up." She good-naturedly shoved his arm. They chuckled for a moment before the tension snuck back over them.

"I, uh," he struggled, scratching his ear, "got you a present. I don't know if you wanted one from me or not, but—"

"I do," Lily cut him off turning her body to him fully.

He gave her a shy grin at her obvious eagerness. "Well, it's in the inner pocket." He motioned to the cloak currently keeping her from freezing. Lily patted her sides down and then pulled out a heavy rectangle covered in red Snitch wrapping paper. So James. She couldn't help but smile at him. He continued almost timidly, "It's not much, I just thought you might like…"

But his words trailed off as soon as she'd ripped it open to reveal a silver frame just like the one that housed her portrait on his nightstand back home. Only in this frame, it showed the two of them slowly dancing in the snow: her in his formal robe and him looking at her with all the love in the world. Lily had no idea they had been on the master shot-list Sirius had provided to the photographers at the Potter Gala. She watched the photograph memorized, wanting more than anything to be back in that moment. She felt tears welling in her eyes.

"You hate it?" James asked tentatively.

"No, I love it." She looked at him standing right in front of her, barely any space between their bodies now. She could feel his magnetic force, pulling her in, and who was she to deny science? She was but one woman. One hopelessly in love, head over heels, woman. "I love it," she repeated in an adoring whisper.

"Good," he breathed, leaning his face just above hers as he cupped her cheek, sending a jolt through her skin. Kiss me, kiss me…! she screamed, and she swore he heard it, or maybe just felt it. His jaw clenched wildly as he brought his lush lips to hers. This wasn't fair, to either of them — but neither was life. Suddenly, if only for a magical moment in time, the world's burdens didn't feel so heavy on her shoulders. She knew it was stupid, because the longer they melted into each other's embrace, the more she certainly wasn't getting oxygen, but she felt like she could finally breathe again.

When James pulled back, his expression was vulnerable and open. Now was her chance, she could finally just admit how she felt and beg for him to take her back and… we'll make it work somehow. It's worth it. The frame in her clutches showed that he wanted nothing more either. Some people spent their whole lives looking for this kind of love — and we have it. What kind of monster would try to deny this?

"James, I—"

"Oh, sorry, I thought you were up here alone!" Lily had actually never been angrier to hear Adam's voice. She quickly stuffed her present back into the cloak's pocket, watching James' face, but it was too late. His mask, and guard, were back up in full swing.

"No problem, man. We were done here." His voice no longer contained any of its previous tenderness and his blue flame had fizzled out. It was going to be a lot harder than she thought to win him back.

"James…" she pleaded under her breath to no avail. He dipped around the corner and out of sight.

"Happy birthday!" Adam cheered, uncharacteristically oblivious to her current mood.

Lily knew it wasn't his fault, but Merlin did she want to slap him right now. "Thanks."

"Come, I gotta give you my present." Adam held out his palm to her. She worked out her sexual frustration by pretending he wanted a low-five instead. A very, very hard low-five.

She followed him as he turned and walked back to the party. "Where is it?"

"It's a surprise. Come on!" His first surprise was when he walked straight through the crowd and out the door.

"What?" she exclaimed in the now silent corridor. "Where are we going?"

"Do you trust me?"

She rolled her eyes. "Sure. But make it quick, Mar would kill me if I left her party early…" she bumped her shoulder into his. "Even if I wanted to."

"Ha, well, I promise this won't take long," he said grinning. "Did I mention I saw Rosier at the party?"

"What?!" Lily yelled. "No way!"

Adam went in depth detailing how there had been a stranger at the party, which obviously made no sense, considering they knew everyone in the castle, at least in passing, so his theory was that Rosier had done a few little body morphing spells to keep a certain lady company. Lily tried to keep her face as blank as possible, not wanting to betray Marlene's secret to anyone. At this point they were at the enormous oak front doors.

"Adam, we're going outside?!" She was monumentally grateful to James for lending her his cloak.

"Come on, you're not scared of a little cold, are you?"

"No, but have you seen these flats?" She propped up a foot to demonstrate as she linked her arm though his. "If I get frostbite, you're charming me new toes."

"Deal," Adam chuckled. "I thought we could go to our spot."

Lily stiffened a little. They didn't have a spot, but she was probably still being a little on edge around Adam considering what he'd just interrupted for her. "It's fireworks, isn't it?" she joked as she continued to let him lead her to the lake.

"Ah, you got me." He gave her an easy smile. He looked a lot like his brother in that moment. They got right to the edge of the lake when he asked her to take a seat, so she conjured up a pillow so her bum wouldn't freeze.

Then he hexed her where she stood.

Still turned to the ground, Lily felt her wand slip through her fingers as it whipped into Adam's outstretched hand. "Adam," she jokingly chided, taking a step towards him. "Not funny—"

The second hex hit her straight through the chest — he'd immobilized her, or at least he'd tried to, since she still seemed to have control of her neck and above.

"FUCK!" he yelled furiously in front of her, watching as she looked from her frozen body up to him and back down again startled. "I swear those assholes bought me a CHEAP FUCKING WAND!" His cry echoed around the empty space all around them. They were alone for as far as the eye could see.

"Adam, what are you doing?" she asked quietly, trying not to provoke him any further as panic replaced the blood in her veins. Every beat of her heart spread it farther and farther until she could tell her whole body was running on it.

But he ignored her, examining her wand. "See, you're probably just good because you have a proper wand." He swished it back and forth, but no sparks were emitted, only pissing him off more.

"Adam—"

"What?!" he screamed.

Lily thought back to being in the tower, you can see this spot right? It's visible from up there? But she wasn't sure. It may just have been obscured by the large beech tree. "Adam, what's going on?" Her mind was still having a hard time accepting the obvious: Adam was bad news.

He pointed her own wand right in her face. "If you scream, I'll gag you."

"O-okay," she complied, given absolutely no choice in the matter. Adam… Adam?!

"Fuck!" he yelled, starting to pace in front of her. "If I could just get Imperio to work," he mumbled.

Lily's mind raced, trying to keep up. Now was not the time for shock or fear… She had to get smart. You have to keep him talking. James will notice you're missing. He always does. "Is that why we were assigned that curse? Did you ask for it or something?"

"Smart girl, smart girl… but not quite smart enough, eh?" he mused. "Jennifer knew I was having problems mastering it, so she was trying to help me out. Pairing with you was of course," his hand motioned up and down her body, "to get closer to you."

What. The. Fuck? Jennifer?! He doesn't mean… he couldn't actually… "Professor Stone?"

"Aw, Lily, don't get mad," he taunted. "She's only doing her job. As am I." He turned to her fully, wand raised, and if Lily could have shuddered, she would have. A new curse was on the tip of his tongue.

Think, Lily, think! Is Adam a fucking DEATH EATER? Her best friend, the sweet, innocent boy that she'd worried had a silly little crush on her, a motherfucking racist, murderous bigot? I was so focused on Rosier… how could I have missed this?! "How did you do it?" she spat out quickly.

"Hm. Impressed a Hufflepuff could pull anything off, are you?" Holy shit… he's always had this chip on his shoulder, hasn't he? I just thought it was cute. He snorted. "It was actually incredibly easy, Lily…" She'd hit the jackpot with that question. He was champing at the bit to brag about all his scheming. "You were so fucking desperate. It was like you were begging for me to swoop in. I was almost embarrassed for you."

She watched him like one would a plane crash, if that plane had been your best friend over the past year and the resulting collision represented your life. How the fuck did I miss this? This can't be Adam. My Adam… I can't have been so blind. He took care of me. He had my back.

He continued as though his sole purpose was to rip her gullible heart out. "I saw you come out to this spot a lot, so I came here and waited. Like clockwork, you came one day and complained about your sister, so I fed you a sob story about my brother, knowing you'd eat that shit right up. And you did. You bleeding heart empaths always do." His voice went high as he mocked her. "'Oo, look at me, I'm Lily! I'm a healer and I wanna heal the world! I just want everyone to be happy!' You think you're better than the rest of us, don't you?" He sneered as he jabbed her cheek with his wand. She refused to budge. "You know, that's what always pissed me off the most. How could you — a Mudblood with no notable family and not a cent to your name — dare to flounce around these halls like you could amount to anything?"

Holy shit… he must have the smallest penis.

"That bitch friend of yours was the same way — daring to ask me out, completely unashamed that she had a Squib for a sister," he hissed, spittle flying everywhere. As pitiful as Adam was turning out to be, she had to give him credit in that regard — he had been a brilliant actor. How he'd managed to keep a lid on this level of hatred and depravity was way beyond Lily's comprehension. "I may have had a worthless brother, but as least he was a wizard."

Oh my god… Paxton.

An evil glint overtook Adam's eyes and she realized her calm façade must have crumbled. "Oh yes. Him." He took a step forward, entirely invading her personal space. "You know, you're a bit confusing," he whined. "After you rejected him, and the way you rejected that prat Potter all year last year, I assumed you were into nice guys." He yanked on her hair, stopping her from looking away. "But then, surprise, surprise, you're not consistent!" The more he talked, the more deranged he sounded. "In true fashion for females, you fell for a fucking jerk." His grip on her scalp tightened. "Are you a fucking idiot, Lily?" He forced her head up and down, then did that damn voice again. "Yes, I am! I'm the dumbest girl in the world!"

Lily couldn't take another second of him — she spat right in his face. And he backhanded her.

"Don't do that again, Mudblood!" he roared. "You're lucky I don't just Imperio you right here!"

"Do it," she taunted, eyes blazing. She knew the provocation held little bite considering she was now fully immune to the curse, but at the end of the day, it didn't matter, because she'd finally figured Adam out. She let out a cruel chuckle. "You can't, can you?" A vein in his temple throbbed. Everything was falling into place. "You've tried before… before every game Dorcas goes to the kitchens because she wants peace and quiet… you ambushed her." Adam smirked, clearly pleased with himself. "But you failed. It went wrong and wiped her memory instead." Because you weren't strong enough to wield such magic, you bastard.

"Lucky me."

"Where'd you hide her?" Lily stared at him grotesquely.

"Easy. The Slytherin corridor has a Vanishing Cabinet. It was a Slytherin game, so I knew everyone would just blame them. You lot are so very prejudiced…"

And that's why he was late to meeting up with me. She snorted. "Right. How dumb of us to assume a Hufflepuff would have a shred of loyalty."

He tapped her forehead condescendingly. "I do have loyalty, Lily." He leaned into her ear. "Just not to you."

Don't bash his head in… keep him talking… keep him talking. "Did you kill your family?"

The dramatic pause he took, savoring the moment and her horrified expression lasted a lifetime. Then he smiled, his icy blue eyes lighting up. "Yes." Lily gasped; she couldn't help it. Adam pushed up his left sleeve, holding up his forearm to her and pushing the Dark Mark against her cheek. It burned. "All because my dumb jock brother saw this. I knew he and my parents wouldn't understand. The timing was perfect though, actually. Some of the older Death Eaters had just failed at capturing you, and the Dark Lord was furious. So I knew all I had to do to prove myself was get him you… and I knew only I could do that. You see." He took another theatrical pause. "I'm his secret weapon." He looked up to the sky as though telling her he was a god. "Only the Dark Lord and Jennifer know where my loyalties lie. So I was perfect for bringing you in. All I had to do," he swiped the tip of her nose with every word, "was gain your trust."

Lily shot him daggers with her gaze.

He laughed. "And like I said. It wasn't even hard."

Her voice shook. "You killed your family!"

"No, Lily. I'm about to gain a true family. My parents never gave a shit about me. Not really. I was their disappointment of a son."

"Yeah! Maybe because you're a fucking nut job!" Lily couldn't help herself — it had to be said.

Adam got right back in her face, almost foaming at the mouth. "Watch it." He put on another smile as though nothing had happened and Lily's skin crawled at the instant switch. "Besides, I knew you were an orphan too and that I was about to lose you to Potter completely, so I had to act fast. I knew you'd come running if I asked. Dumb Gryffindors with their hero complexes," he muttered the last bit.

Lily saw absolute, blood red: if there was one thing that royally pissed her off, it was when people took advantage of others' kindness. I can't wait till he and his micro-dick rot in the deepest pits of hell.

"Course when I asked you to get drunk with me, I thought maybe you'd be fucking polite and offer that damn bottle I got you, but no, selfish bitch that you are wanted to drink mine instead."

Lily's brows creased. "What bottle?"

"Your fucking Christmas present, Lily! The Firewhiskey?! Ring any bells? I figured since you were already sneaking bottles into class, you'd drink it a lot sooner." Holy shit, he had gifted her alcohol. She'd immediately gotten so wrapped up in James — and all his gifts and talents — that she'd forgotten all about anyone else entirely. He reacted to the dawning realization on her face. "There it is."

"I never drank it."

"Yeah you did. And apparently so did all the other girls in your room." Brianna! She wasn't worried about being roofied because it was never her bottle! She stole it from me! Fucking bitch. "Thank Merlin for that. You had no clue I was the one who drugged it. I almost got you out that night too, but those fucking Levine twins…" Lily had no idea what part Rebecca and Robby had played in fucking up Adam's plans that night, but she knew she owed them a hell of a lot more than a fruit basket. "Not that it matters. You're here now."

"You won't get away with this," she whispered vehemently. "People will notice I'm gone."

Adam tilted his head as he played with the ends of her hair. It was killing her that she couldn't slap his hand away. "Will they?"

"Yes," she growled.

"I wouldn't be so sure. You see Bella — of course you remember Bellatrix Black — the Dark Lord says she's just been itching to come back to Hogwarts to wreck havoc. And you're going to give her that chance."

Lily's eyes oscillated between his. "I don't follow."

"Of course you don't." He tugged down on a lock, hard, making Lily yelp. "We've made Polyjuice from the hair I extracted from your scarf… in fact I think the Dark Lord had your dear old pal Severus brew it. He had no idea who it was for of course, but how many people have hair as beautiful as yours, huh?" He was now full on stroking her.

"People will know it's not me. James will know—"

"James, James, James," Adam sang-mocked back to her face. "Your precious James won't care about your dirty little snatch after Bellatrix is done throwing it around. Quite promiscuous of a little thing, wasn't she? And isn't Potter the jealous type? Doubt he'll have much patience when he realizes he's not the only one she's — oh, I'm sorry — you're with." His gaze dropped to her mouth as he traced her lips. "But it's okay. I'm sure you're about to have bigger problems than Bellatrix fucking your man."

Lily bit his finger to the bone.

"FUCK, YOU BITCH!" Blood smeared across her face as he backhanded her again, but Lily barely noticed. She was now facing towards Hogwarts and saw a figure sprinting towards her.

"JAMES!" she called out, love and relief washing over her. She knew she could count on him, he's always been there.

"LILY!" he screamed back, his legs pumping impossibly fast.

"Shit!" Adam cried out, whipping his wand towards Lily and making her feet fly upwards so she was floating horizontally behind him as he ran towards the edge of the forest — where he could Apparate them away.

Lily fought with everything she had against Adam's full-body bind, feeling its strength waining as his panic and exertion grew. Adam was clearly not an athlete like James was and the gap between them was shrinking. Lily watched her messy-haired boyfriend upside-down as her head jostled along, willing herself to reach out to him, trying to make it just a little bit easier for him to thwart her kidnapping. Her left arm flew out in front of her.

"James, please!" she near sobbed, fingers stretching to him. James' hand reached for her, five meters away, four, three, she could see the desperation in his eyes as he lunged, almost there—

But then she felt Adam's grip on her ankle and a hook underneath her navel as she spun away.

Next Chapter: I Fucked Up (start of James' POV, 5th year!)

**Rut roh…. Adam's evil! O.o I know a bunch of you were onto him by this point ;p (And I think Nina was on to him from the very start?) Sorry if you liked him! I wanted to touch on the fact that women's intuition is often SO RIGHT, but we can be bogged down by things like "being polite." Lily has had off feelings about Adam, but she wanted to be a good friend. (Just like with Snape.)

A look back at their interactions and HINTS (in case you don't want to go reread them!)

He was the one who approached Lily first, never felt good enough for his family and wanted to prove his worth, reaaaaal bitter about being a Hufflepuff, implied Hat would sort him differently if he were to wear it now, mentioned none of the other Hufflepuffs 'had his back,' asked her to be Potions partners, Snape warned her cuz creeps know creeps (ha), saw Thestrals as Voldemort had him kill someone to prove loyalty, momentarily shocked she's invited to Slughorn party (as a Mudblood), he was shocked Avery attacked her because he knew his Dark Lord wanted her in one piece and Avery was putting his own mission in danger, in that same library scene — Lily is watching a gnat get lured into a spiderweb…. she thinks it's James', but it's actually ADAM's! Also hints in library that Lily IS A TERRIBLE JUDGE OF CHARACTER lol, "stuff like this doesn't even need to be discussed because it's just obvious"... I didn't say in what way ;) Lily couldn't imagine Adam hurting a fly, "Who says I'm rooting for your team?", Adam is late to game... someone goes missing in the basement... he's ecstatic when Dorcas comes back with no memory, another Hufflepuff points at Adam when screaming "a rat!" in the chapter titled She Doesn't Know :) He's super cool about her romantic rejection because he was never actually into her, just trying to get close and now realizes he has to come at it from another angle… He only cried about his family when Lily first approached him because he had time/privacy to perform a crying spell, he kept trying to get Lily to come with him to 'their' spot (which is close to the forest where he could Apparate them) but got pissed when Aurors were always around, almost slipped up and said his family was just as anti-th(e Dark Lord... Jus de Carotte!), when he was drunk and she didn't like his vibe, his true colors were coming out, the line: "Adam scratched the back of his neck. 'Had a little too much to drink?' he supplied." (Okay, so that one's a stretch, BUT I LIKE IT)