Chapter 12
In Your Room
Lzzy was back in her room. As always in the last few days, she was exhausted, exhausted by magic exercises. Despite the tiredness, however, she was very satisfied, her progress had been remarkable: she was still flying with difficulty, but she was no longer falling and the Trix assured her that it was only a matter of habit; she could teleport small objects and make any inanimate object disappear, appear and levitate (she didn't dare to try with people); she had learned how to attack and how to defend herself.
This was the main reason for her fatigue that evening, she had spent the whole afternoon perfecting her aim by throwing magic spheres against a wall of morphix, which naturally sent the spheres back, forcing her to dodge them or block them with a shield. She hadn't always been fast enough and several times her own spell had struck her full, knocking her to the ground. She had thus learned two things about magic: that a magical creature is not immune to its own powers and that it is unlikely that it will bear physical wounds following a fight, in fact she only had a couple of bruises here and there.
However, there was something that kept her from smiling.
Her telepathy worked almost exclusively with Icy because of the Bonding: and so far, nothing serious, in time she would have learned that too. The witch of ice was the problem. During a little break from training, Lzzy had noticed that Icy was staring blankly, as often happened, and had touched her mind to wake her up, but she hadn't even noticed. Then she had called her in thought one, two, three times, each time a little stronger, until finally Icy had heard her. "Yes?" she replied, too quickly to hide her thoughts, and Lzzy had had time to figure out what she was thinking. She had grasped a very precise phrase that had deeply disturbed her ("no, I can't tell her") and an image, Icy as a little girl running away in a garden. Lzzy didn't know why that memory, because this was the image, scared her so much, she knew only that before starting to practice she had asked the witch what she was missing from her childhood, without getting a real answer. Icy had not given her explanations about that memory and the training had continued.
Now, in her room, alone and exhausted, she couldn't stop thinking about it. She wanted to help Icy, after all they were mind mates, but how could she do it if she kept her in the dark about so many things? She was completely open with the witch, she had never given an evasive answer to her questions, why didn't she want to trust her?
Lzzy grabbed the phone, opened the chat with Icy and started writing a long message.
"Look, I hate to leave things hanging so don't you dare ignore this message, okay?
Today I saw your memory, you were running in a garden, or a park, or I don't know, but not to play. I felt your fear Icy, and I can't get it out of my head. I don't know why you were running away, or from what, but... why don't you want to tell me? You say you trust me, so why are you afraid to talk to me? Why don't you show me who you are if not by mistake?
Rereading what I wrote, I realize that I may have exaggerated. As usual, I can't express myself at best in prose, so...
Let me in your room, I've seen the rest of you, but I know there's something more in your room
I'm right outside your door
Show me things you've never shown before
A few pictures from your past
And those walls you painted black
And the secrets that you keep under your bed
Actually, I believe I have absolutely not seen everything about you, in every sense (I could not be serious till the end xo), although I have certainly seen more than others. It will be presumptuous of me, but it's not enough for me! I really want to understand you, not halfway! I am here Icy, when you want, when you need me, I am here, you only have to ask!
All you have to do, is let me in your room
You can be yourself, you don´t have to hide from me, I won´t tell
I know everyone you've ever trusted has let you down
And you don't wanna come out
And show me
I want you to feel free to be yourself with me, no masks, no characters or parts to play, just you, as you really are. You have no reason to hide from me, and if you want what we talk about to remain between us you only have to say it, I'm able to keep a secret.
I know, except for Darcy and Stormy everyone has always betrayed you and this certainly holds you back, but I'm different. First of all, I am a woman, which is important because men are unreliable by definition (unfortunately, they are also sexy and that always tricks us); secondly, the two of us are bound so betraying your trust is the last thing I would do.
So, you can show me... what?
Show me
A few pictures from your past
And those walls you painted black
And the secrets that you keep under your bed
All you have to do is let me in your room
In fact, I'd like to see photographs of you as a child, and others as well. A photo of Stella wearing glasses is to be stolen and kept aside for some blackmail. And then I'd like to understand when the hell you got this mania to see everything negatively, so maybe I solve the problem at the root. You are twenty-one, live it! They pass too fast and believe me, there are things to do. For example, telling each other a secret among friends... Yes, I am a nerd, I am aware of it.
You know every part of me
I let you in, I let you see
All the dark in every corner of my room
Let me do that for you
Well, you may not know everything about me, but that's the concept.
Tell me all about your past
Why you painted those walls black
Baby, it's alright, you're safe in here with me
But maybe I am doing everything wrong and the problem is not me or trust, maybe you are afraid of suffering by reliving your past. Personally, I believe that keeping everything inside hurts a lot, sharing pain makes it easier to bear.
You know, I like having a rituality in these things: when Arejay and I talk like brother and sister I like to be alone and sit cross-legged next to him like we used to do when we were children, to recreate our special moment, the place in time where nobody can disturb us.
Would you like to try to create one for us?
Open up so I can see
A few pictures from your past
And those walls you painted black
And the secrets that you keep under your bed
An unopened letter from your dad
A poster of your favourite band
It don't matter, I'll take every part of you
All you have to do, is let me in your room
I can't believe that you don't even have one happy memory of your grandparents, or that they never looked for you after you moved to Cloudtower. And then you have to let me hear some of your songs, to see how Rock is in the Magic Dimension.
Whatever you have done or will do, I do not care, I appreciate you for what you are, strengths and weaknesses, all inclusive.
I really hope you open the door Icy, or I'll have to break it.
In conclusion
Let me in your room"
Lzzy read the message again and sent it to Icy, then picked up the headphones and connected them to the phone. Icy's answer came on the notes of The Mob Rules.
"I'm sorry Lz, I don't want to keep you away and I trust you but... It's true, talking hurts me. Physically. But you're right, keeping it all inside is useless, so I will try to be more open with you and the others, even if it will be difficult. You know how it is, when the man you love tries to kill you your trust in mankind falters...
Unfortunately, I can't be myself, you know it. But from now on I will try to be as sincere as possible with you, starting now.
Do you say that my father's parents must have looked for me? In fact, they contacted me a week after I left to send me all my things. In a letter they told me not to even try to go home, they didn't want to see me anymore (not that I wanted to see them again). However, when I read that letter I heard the sound of a tight rope breaking, even though I hated them, Wishperia was (or is?) my home after all.
As for the park, it was my safe place: it was only a few meters from home and with Darcy and Stormy we often went to play there. There was a part in a state of neglect, with a fountain full of weeds and a large tree with sturdy branches. On that tree, with the help of a friend, we had built a hut. In the memory I was running towards the hut, where my grandparents wouldn't have found me. I don't remember why they were angry, maybe there wasn't even a specific reason, but they used to beat me when they got angry and so I was running away. That was what I didn't want to tell you. The following of the memory is happy: the boy with whom we had built the hut was called Darko, and I had a crush on him. His house was attached to the park and as soon as he saw one of us entering, he would join us. It happened that day too. Sitting on the edge of the fountain, Darko listened to my escape plans and consoled me as soon as I started crying again, telling so many jokes one behind the other until I laughed.
Enough with the memories for now, I've had enough. Let's talk about music.
My favorite singer was Avril Lavigne, whose first albums I still gladly listen to, I'll give them to you tomorrow. Now, apart from you, I often listen to Ghost Towns.
I change the subject again for no reason but... books were another of my islands as a child. I loved getting lost in the pages, and once in a while my grandparents had nothing to say about it because I disappeared from circulation for whole afternoons when I had a book in my hands. In these months I was too... asleep to be interested in anything, but I'm going to plunder the girls' bookshelves. Starting from Bloom's, because it's full of terrestrial books and I want to better understand you and the boys (and all the comparisons you make because no, I don't know who or what is Wonder Woman or anything else you have named lately).
You know what? I'll start tonight!
See you tomorrow
P.S. I preferred to ignore your innuendo
P.P.S. You make it feel the way it's posed to be"
Lzzy was somewhere between upset and happy: happy to have managed to unlock Icy, shocked by what she had discovered. She never thought she had had such a childhood! She almost felt guilty for having forced Icy to tell her, but that feeling faded quickly when she read the last sentence. She recognized the words of Beautiful With You and smiled, considering herself one of the luckiest people in the universe.