Merry Christmas Eve - however you're spending this mad time, I hope this gives you a moment of fluffy loveliness.
En Pointe
Chapter 12: Je Ne Sais Quoi
Xxx
Mildred awoke to a knock on her door, her eyes puffy and her hair bedraggled. Knowing her sleepy dorm-mate would not answer it she pulled herself out of bed with a sigh.
"Who is it?" Enid muttered sleepily.
Mildred pushed the door open to reveal the dark eyes of Ms Hardbroom. "Ms Hardbroom?" Mildred said stutteringly.
"Are we that late for class?" Enid murmured from her pillow.
"Mildred," Hecate gave a curt nod of greeting, her own hair perfectly smoothed, yet her face creased."I'd like to take you out for breakfast," she told the girl, her voice faltering only slightly at the end.
Mildred furrowed her brow at this strange turn of events, she knew Ms Hardbroom was, in her own dignified way, grovelling and, judging by the woman's slightly more human demeanour, she did not do that often. You always defend her!
She gave an accepting nod, "Ok – but I need ten minutes."
"I'll wait downstairs," Hecate accepted gratefully.
Xxx
Mildred did her best to drag a brush through her hair, considered putting her hair up into her usual ballerina bun and then decided against it, in a rather defiant moment.
She had dressed presentably though, a long skirt and jumper combination that looked somewhere in between bohemian and smart.
With trepidation, she descended the stairs and found Hecate looking more at home than she expected in the empty common room. Their eyes met, and Mildred hastily looked down. Not fully ready to forget the eyes that had been so full of rage just last night.
Hecate took in the sight of her student, dressed rather fashionably and with her madly waving hair hanging loose to her waist. You would never picture her as a ballerina, Hecate thought, but first impressions were very clearly wrong. Mildred was still looking at her fearfully, she realised with a pang. She had seen that look many times from most of her pupils, even revelled in it – knowing it would make teaching them easier… But it seemed so out-of-place now on Mildred's face, a face that had visibly brightened recently when Hecate had looked her way.
"Ready?" Hecate stood.
Mildred nodded, trying to convince herself that she was ready, ready to speak her mind and not let Hecate Hardbroom intimidate her.
Xx
Eggs Benedict.
Staring at the breakfast menu, Mildred wondered who Benedict was, and whether he really liked eggs. Anything to take her mind off the awkwardness she was feeling really.
She wondered whether Hecate felt the same, whether the woman ever did feel that strange sensation - like your head and body were not connected, that hyperawareness that seemed to dry your throat into razors and cause your body to tremble slightly, the extra rehearsal of your words in your head, knowing they still probably wouldn't come out right, however much you practised them.
Hecate seemed so granite-like, face impenetrable, not giving a thing away. She ordered toast alongside yoghurt and granola for Mildred, and a black coffee for herself.
But the woman suddenly hit her with a hard gaze, that Mildred could not look away from despite how much she wanted to.
"Mildred I…. I need to apologise for last night," A light tremor, barely there.. but still there all the same.
The words hit Mildred like a wave of salt-water. She hadn't expected Ms Hardbroom to apologise, didn't really think the woman did apologies. Yet it felt good to acknowledge it, rather than brush it under the carpet and continue to feel ill at ease.
Mildred couldn't say a word for a moment, then considered simply nodding acceptingly, until, "You saw us – didn't you?" she cut across, her voice catching as the words came out uncontrollably, "That's why you've been so angry with me the last few days. Why you've been so hard on me."
"I've been hard on you because you've needed it," Hecate defended cuttingly, before sighing, "Yes," Hecate admitted.
Mildred's eyes narrowed as she bit her lip, suddenly unsure, "Why not just confront us?"
Hecate didn't answer.
She continued, "It was just a little bit of champagne. We were celebrating Enid being able to stay. I didn't even sneak out, Ms Bat gave us consent and it was midday!" Mildred raised her eyebrow. "You didn't even let me explain..."
"You're only fifteen Mildred," Hecate told her crossly, jumping at the chance to explain with a half-truth, "And you need to start taking your training more seriously. Dancers are athletes."
"So you're forever going to punish me for having fun?" Mildred glared.
"When that fun involves breaking academy rules – yes. It's my job, Mildred," Hecate replied sharply. "You shouldn't have been drinking, we don't allow it of our third years when they become legally of age. Dancing is a lifestyle commitment."
"Then why not just drag me away there and then?" she wrinkled her forehead, "Didn't want to ruin your date?" Mildred said bitterly under her breath.
"My private life is my private life Mildred," Hecate shot back, supersonic hearing catching Mildred's utterance.
"You and Ms Pentangle?" Mildred raised her eyebrow, "It's hardly a big deal, I mean it is because she's such a catch and you two are so perfect for each other and all that, but it's hardly shock-horror."
Hecate's eyes widened further with each of Mildred's words.
"Students talk, Mildred," Hecate hissed. "Anything to get back at me, for the pain I've inflicted, to the ones I've ignored when they've expected special treatment. I don't want my personal life strewn across the papers. The ballet world is not like the ordinary world – scandal does not suit."
"So tell me not to tell anyone," Mildred narrowed her eyes, "It's hardly my business."
"Easily said," Hecate shook her head.
"You think I'd throw away everything?" Mildred quirked her eyebrow. "Throw away you?"
Hecate stared at the girl before her, seeing her open and honest face and felt a strange pang of something that felt like unwavering loyalty.
"Mildred...I…" she faltered. "I can't trust myself not to push you too far…" Like I was pushed, changed, in a bid for perfection.
Mildred stared up at her, seeing her ram-rod perfect sitting posture and perfect bun, pulling back her hair so tightly any frown lines were erased. Would she end up like Ms Hardbroom one day? Rigid and overly controlled, unable to relax? Unable to express her feelings except through dance? Even when it was painful to do so?
Would it be worth it to sate that need inside her? The burning need to create poetry from her movement?
She knew, just knew that there was no other way for her. She needed to dance, and for that – she needed the training that only Ms Hardbroom could provide. No one else knew what she needed to do, no one else would try.
"I can't succeed without you," Mildred told her, biting her lip.
"I can't guarantee you won't end up hating me Mildred Hubble," Hecate said softly after a moment.
Mildred tilted her chin defiantly, "And I can't guarantee I'll be forever obedient. But I will try not to disappoint you," Mildred fixed her wide eyes upon her.
xxx
"How did it go?" Pippa smoothly placed her hand on Hecate's shoulder.
"It worries me that she is so forgiving," Hecate replied.
"She sees through your facade, that's all," Pippa smiled, annoying smug.
"She sees the characters I've played and has clearly mistook me for having a heart," Hecate rolled her eyes.
Pippa snorted, "You've the biggest heart I know. You're tough Hiccup, life has made you tougher, and some of our dancers might not understand that – but Mildred does, like Ethel's sister before her.. And look how well that turned out," Pippa grinned.
"I've a long way to go with her," Hecate wrinkled her nose, but Pippa knew how excited Hecate really was, it was projects that made her live.
"You've time – she's only a first year!"
xxx
"Lazy," Hecate called out as Mildred began her allegro.
Mildred rolled her eye at Hecate, who seemed so clearly in her element as she stood, hands on hips, watching the girl.
"You're a beat behind now, I hope that eye-roll was worth the sweat of starting again," Hecate smirked.
"I can catch up," Mildred breathed.
"You will not," Hecate pressed the button on the remote, causing the music to stop Mildred mid turn.
"Get your breath back, and then we begin again," Hecate gave a small smile.
She's enjoying this, Mildred realised. I must be doing something right.
Xx
"What's all the excitement about?" Mildred asked Enid, perplexed at the huddle of leotard-glad teens staring at the noticeboard.
"Oh you'll never guess what!" Felicity had overheard, "Open cast-call – including first years! The Nutcracker – the director's Pierre Blois."
Enid rolled her eye, "My mother's slept with him."
Mildred stared bemusedly, Pierre Blois was well known world-wide for his combination of modern and classical fusion pieces. He had made many a dancers' careers with his casting of younger unknown dancers. A famous bachelor, ageing now, but impressively good looking in his younger days, known for being ballet's version of a playboy.
"He's less impressive in my mum's dressing gown," Enid raised her eyebrow suggestively, making Mildred giggle.
"Casting calls are on Thursday, but you have to be asked!" Felicity grimaced, "Oh what I'd do to get a part!"
xxx
When Mildred arrived early to class, she found Ms Hardbroom looking extremely tense and in a rather heated discussion with Miss Cackle.
"But Ada – it's disruptive!" she was saying crossly, "It's not like any of the first years stand a chance anyway. They've got work to do and don't need to be batting their eyelashes at some director!"
"It's been decided, Hecate," Miss Cackle told her rather firmly. "I've promised him he can see all of our girls."
Seeing Mildred loitering in the doorway she smiled benevolently, "Hello Mildred darling, early to class? Good to see such good commitment," she shot a smile towards Mildred and then Hecate, whose face remained severe, before leaving the studio.
Hecate began rubbing the nerve from her neck, "Just what's needed, a class full of giddy girls who think they're ready to be stars," she muttered.
"What are we working on today?" Mildred asked as she dropped to the floor and began her preparations.
"Soutenus," Hecate raised her brow, "Might as well prepare you all for life in the corps," she said dryly.
Despite herself, Mildred found herself amused at Ms Hardbroom's deeply sarcastic nature. It was clear from the lesson content that she did not want any of the first years to stand out, a clear win and a kick in the teeth for Mr Blois, who would be subjected to a rather boring class.
She caught Hecate's eye and suppressed her amusement, but thought she saw a thinly veiled lip quiver of triumph from the older woman, it dropped from her face almost comically as the door opened.
"Ahhhh 'Ecate," a middle-aged man entered, his hair salt and pepper and eyes wide and excitable.
"Monsieur Blois," Hecate replied rather coldly, but in a perfected accent.
"Eet has been so long!" he pushed into the room and gave Ms Hardbroom a double-cheeked kiss that she professionally returned with an impassive face.
"You, a teeecher, one of ze best ballerinas in ze world, now a teacher. I couldn't beleeve it when I 'eard, I thought.. I must go and see, I bet her pupils are ze best of ze best!" He gave a chortling laughter.
Pierre finally caught sight of Mildred on the floor and gave a comical taken-aback pose. "Zis one – she a relation of yours, no?" he gave Mildred a once over grinning.
"I'm not," Mildred spluttered before Hecate could answer.
"Mon dieu!" Pierre stared from Hecate to Mildred. "She looks just like 'ow you did. I thought you must have a secret daughter Ecate, hoping she wasn't mine – but chance would have been a fine thing eh?"
Mildred blushed, "I'm just her pupil."
"Mildred is one of our first year students," Hecate rolled her eyes.
"No!" the man laughed in amazement, "She is your clone… But with larger, more innocent eyes I think… Like Bambi."
Hecate narrowed her eyes.
"Does she dance like you?" Pierre asked, suddenly serious.
"She wishes," Hecate raised her eyebrows. "Like I said Pierre, she's a first year. She's got years of practice ahead of her," she gave a small merciful smile to Mildred.
"We will see, je ne sais quoi – I am always amazed you English have no name for it!" Pierre laughed again.
Hecate looked at Mildred for a moment, a strange feeling of dread bubbling up inside of her.
Xxx
"Turn your head into it," Hecate shouted at her dancers, trying to ignore the clear amusement of Pierre Blois.
"Mildred Hubble! - demi not releve and straighten those legs for goodness sake girl!"
"You were out of time with the rest," she told Mildred.
Mildred nodded acceptingly, resoluting to get it right.
Xx
"Thank you – Ms Hardbroom," Pierre said as the pupils began to grab their bags. "I will be back zis afternoon to see the third years," he grinned. "I think ze first years might be a little disappointed, but like you said.. they've got years of practice to complete. I will, 'owever be asking your Ms 'ubble to audition."
"Mildred?" Hecate breathed.
"Bambi," he grinned again his toothy smile. "She is spectacular, is she not?"
"She was out of time with the rest," Hecate gritted her teeth, "She usually is.."
"Some dancers are born to stand out – to be stars, Je ne sais quoi," Pierre shrugged. "We vill see."
Hecate's fists clenched.
xxx
"Ms Ubble," Mildred heard as she was walking to her next class. She turned around and was face-to-face with the director.
"I would like to extend to you an offer to attende ze casting call?"
"Me?" Mildred was taken-aback.
"I would like to see what you can do Ms Ubble," Pierre nodded.
"But… I'm… Does Ms Hardbroom know?" she asked uncertainly.
"Ecate clearly sees a lot in you, for her to be correcting you so much," Pierre told her waggling a long eyebrow, "It was zat zat makes me want to see more," he grinned. "Thursday at 9am Ms Ubble, in the auditorium."
Mildred nodded.
Xx
Mildred knew she needed to see Hecate, unsure with her own reaction.
When she retraced her steps, she found Ms Hardbroom's studio empty. Hoping the woman was in her office, she made her way over to the building, searching the hall until she found the 'Ms H Hardbroom' emblazoned on a mahogany door. She knocked, and heard the "Come in," from inside.
Hecate was sitting behind her desk, eyebrow raised. "You've a class," she said by way of greeting.
"I .. I know," Mildred grimaced.
"Well don't just loiter in the doorway girl, sit down and tell me what is so important," Hecate sighed, knowing exactly what it would be.
Mildred nervously sat in the wooden chair facing the desk, wondering how many pupils had been inside Ms Hardbroom's office, I wonder how many have made it out alive, she smiled a bit at her own wit.
"I've been asked to audition," Mildred managed to get out as she wriggled in the chair.
"I know," Hecate replied curtly. "Mr Blois did me the courtesy of telling me."
"So I should do it then? Audition?" Mildred questioned after Hecate didn't elaborate.
"You do not need my permission Mildred," Hecate said silkily.
"I'm not asking for it," Mildred replied more sassily then she ever intended.
Hecate seemed taken aback, but recovered when Mildred added, "I just want to know your opinion," her voice came out weakly.
Hecate observed her a moment, playing with her hands she had folded on her desk. "He's known to make young dancers' careers, I just wouldn't want you to be 'made' before you're ready Mildred, you're incredibly young still. The experience of an audition would be good for you however," she said diplomatically.
Mildred nodded.
"You've got many years ahead of you Mildred if you work hard, just be careful won't you – of Monsieur Blois? Pierre and I go way back and I wouldn't want any of that to influence how he treats you," Hecate said rather enigmaticallyand did not elaborate further.
"Now get to class Mildred, Ms Pentangle will no doubt blame me for your tardiness," Mildred noticed that her face softened at the mention of Ms Pentangle.
"Oh and Mildred?" Hecate added as she watched the girl scarper clumsily towards her door.
"Yes Ms Hardbroom?" Mildred eyed her quizzically.
"Do not mention it to anyone, even Enid. You know the lengths people will go to to sabotage. I do not want to deal with you crying over any fractured bones."
Mildred gave a small nod. "Thanks Ms Hardbroom," she said genuinely.
xx