AN: hey guys so I have no idea what was wrong with FFN when I tried to upload this chapter the first time. I just checked and the link works now. But I don't know if people kind of gave up because of the issue. So I thought I would upload again so maybe the subscriber email would go out? Anyways, sorry if you got excited for a new chapter and you've already read this one :/ For future reference I also post updates on ao3. Same username, same story title. You can follow my tumblr (s3nie) for more updates too!

Chapter 12

The last thing Kagome remembered before falling asleep was the feeling of Inuyasha's claws slowly dragging patterns along her bare back. But her body didn't cooperate for long. Inuyasha noticed Kagome had only been asleep for two hours when she jerked awake, fists coming up as if ready for a fight. "You're ok, you're ok." Inuyasha's whispered voice grounded her and the memories of the night slammed into Kagome painfully. And then the exhaustion kicked in, "Did I wake you?"

"No." He didn't have to say he had never fallen asleep, she knew. The pair remained silent. Kagome's eyes adjusted quickly to the darkness - Inuyasha was rolled towards her, his head resting on his fist as he stared down at her. His bed smelled exactly like him and she couldn't help taking a deep, calming breath.

"Do you want to talk about it?" his voice mumbled through the air.

"Not really." She replied. Inuyasha stayed silent, letting her make the decision.

Kagome blew a breath out through her nose, "My parents established the Shikon Rebellion before I was born. We lived at our family's shrine. My father had some reiki but I was apparently the one blessed with the ancestral power. My father must have known at the time but he never spoke to me about it. I had no idea. I went to school and rode bikes with my friends and did chores around the shrine. It was painfully normal. I was 8 when-." Kagome cut herself off. Every memory and emotion she had locked away in those boxes were now freely swirling through her mind and she felt like she was drowning. "My mother hid me in the vent in the kitchen. My dad had prepared me for something like that to happen. I got on a train and met Mushin and Miroku in the northern woods. I trained there for twenty years. And then Mushin died. I knew I had to come back. All I wanted to do was find their killer. Nothing else in life mattered. Miroku kept surveillance on the Militia's movements and I knew getting a job at Slayers would get me close to Sango. I thought you would have information or files or- or something about my parents. About what happened to them. Be careful what you wish for I guess." Kagome snorted humorlessly and turned her head into the pillow more.

"We will take down Naraku and you will get justice for your parents. We both will." He was no longer touching her and she didn't know how to feel about it. So instead, she said, "Tell me about your parents."

Inuyasha inhaled and scraped his fingers through the hair at his temple, "The thing I remember most about my father was how strong he was. He seemed invincible, nothing could hurt him. But when he looked at my mother, he was the weakest man in the world for her. I didn't understand at ten years old but their love was something otherworldly. My mom, she...she was my best friend. People were cruel to her, to me. But she did everything to protect me from their hate. She was beautiful and kind and warm and-" His voice had slowly grown more and more dejected to the point it was hurting Kagome too. She reached up and wrapped her arm around Inuyasha's neck. It didn't take much to bring him down to lay on her chest. His weight on top of her was comforting. And then he slid an arm under her back and pulled her even tighter to him before he continued. "When she died I felt like all the light left my life. I only wanted to hurt everyone the way I had been hurt. My brother used that to train me to be a machine. I followed orders without hesitation, trying to inflict as much hurt as possible. It took me a long time to see past the pain, to see what my parents had been fighting for." He stopped then and Kagome didn't speak. "There is so much bad in this world. I never want any child to feel what I felt. And if I die, maybe I'll have made a little difference. Maybe it will have been worth it."

Kagome's fingers made their way under his shirt and her blunt nails mimicked the comforting movements she had fallen asleep to. "You've already done so much good. I thought The Militia was selfish and power hungry before I came here. But seeing you- I know what we're doing is right. There has been evil here for too long. It needs to be balanced."

They laid in silence after that - Inuyasha breathing into Kagome's neck and Kagome drawing listless patterning into the taut skin of his back.

"What time is it?" She didn't know if he was asleep or not.

"4:35." He answered.

"I'm late to meet Shippo." She could miss one day.

Suddenly Inuyasha bolted up and away from her, "Fuck!" He swore and started stumbling around in the darkness.

"What?" Kagome asked in alarm.

"The ring. Our scents."

"Fuck, no no no." She stammered and then scrambled for her own clothes. She got her leggings on with little difficulty but couldn't find her shirt in the dim light. She grabbed the first one she did find and wasn't surprised when it was clearly Inuyasha's. Halfway to the gym Kagome realized they were both barefoot. When the pair burst through the gym door Kagome was overwhelmed by the scent of bleach. Inuyasha instantly gagged and covered his nose with his forearm. Shippo was on his hands and knees in the middle of the sparring ring. Scrubbing.

"You two!" He yelled pointing at the couple.

Kagome didn't know what was worse: Shippo knowing, Shippo and Inuyasha arguing or the smell of bleach. But once the yelling started she silently excused herself before the two demons noticed. She also made the executive decision to skip training for the day. A few members were up quietly milling about the house but no one from her suite. Kagome made her way upstairs to one of the tv rooms and hid out until she knew the girls would be at morning workouts. After a quick but thorough shower, Kagome climbed into her bed and fell asleep.

Kagome woke up to a still empty room. When she checked her phone she knew everyone would still be training out back. She was not in the mood to train, least of all talk to anyone. So she left. Sure it was against the rules to leave before your shift ended but she assumed her doting Captain would be fine with it just this once. When she arrived back at an empty apartment she remembered her and Miroku had driven together. Oh well, he was resourceful.

Kagome had never felt this tired in her life. The last twelve hours-fuck-she felt like she lived an entire lifetime in the last twelve hours. She just wanted to distance herself from last night. And sleep was the only way she knew she could do that. So Kagome popped a few milligrams of melatonin and a Xanax for good measure and crawled into bed. Her mind was fighting against itself. Part of it was screaming at her to come to terms with everything that happened and the other part was focusing on every meditation skill she had, waiting for her adjusted circadian rhythm to take over.

The first time Kagome woke up was because she had to pee. She didn't even open her eyes as she stumbled down the hall. The second time she woke up it was to Miroku yelling her name. She groaned loud enough for him to know she was alive and then rolled over. The third and final time Kagome woke up she felt hazy but rested. Everything was dark and she shuffled around in search of her iPhone. Dead. After reaching over the side of the bed to fish out her fallen charging cord, Kagome was blinded by the home screen's brightness. There was a red bubble in the corner of her Messages and Call app but she just ignored them. She concentrated on refocusing her vision to see the time: 2:52am. That was the most sleep she's gotten in years. And now she was fucking starving.

When Miroku did wake up later that morning, he gave her the space she desired. He was always good about that. The Xanax had worn off hours ago but because she rarely took the medication, the after effects were still making her feel fuzzy. Kagome debated calling in sick to her shift at Slayers but the mindless work of making drinks sounded like a good distraction. She had felt rested at three that morning when she had woken up but now it was past 9pm and the exhaustion was catching up to her again. Maybe that was why she didn't sense Inuyasha's youki until it was smacking her in the face as he walked through the front door. This was the first time she had ever seen him at Slayers and it was exactly what she did not need. And then his amber eyes found hers. She looked back down at the vodka bottle in her hand and pretended to be doing something below the counter. Kagome only looked back up when she sensed Kouga walking up to the bar, "Hey Kagome. Can I get three Blue Moons?" She popped the top off of the beer bottles and slid them over to the wolf demon. Her eyes slanted over to where Miroku was sitting in a booth with Inuyasha (where she presumed Kouga would be taking the drinks) before she accepted the bills Kouga had handed her. She expected him to mention her lack of appearance at work outs the day before but maybe he knew more than he let on.

For the next hour Kagome filled drink orders, wiped down the bar and actively avoided looking anywhere near Inuyasha's table. But when she saw him stand out of her peripherals her body went rigid. She did not have the emotional capacity to make small talk with him right now. He was headed for the bar but before he was within speaking distance Kagome yelled over to Kohaku "Haku! I'm going on my break!" She retreated to the back of the building before she even heard a reply.

'You're a coward. You can't just run away from him. God you're so awkward. Ughhh. Just relax. Act normal. Act cool.' Kagome paced in the back alley behind Slayers biding her time until she had to return to work. 'This is so stupid. How am I supposed to act around him? So we had sex again. Yes, ok that happened. And he invited me to his place. Ok so round two…? And then I quite literally tried to murder him ok...fucking hell. Fucking bitch. Do I say sorry? Fuc-'

Suddenly the back door burst open and Kagome jumped, "Fucking hell!"

Inuyasha gave her a confused look and then looked around, his ponytail swishing behind him, "What's wrong?"

"You can't sneak up on a girl like that!" Kagome accused.

Inuyasha's look turned even more confused. No one snuck up on Kagome, least of all someone with demonic energy.

"So, uh," Kagome started slowly. He noticed her fiddling with her work shirt, pulling at it and dusting it off, "...what's up?" She wouldn't look directly at him. Now Inuyasha had to chuckle at her behavior, "What are you doing?" Kagome folded and unfolded her arms, clearly trying to look casual and failing miserably, "I don't know what you're talking about," She replied nonchalantly. Inuyasha could smell her stress but her behavior was amusing. Furrowing his brows and smirking at her, he stepped closer, "You smell nervous Kagome." A fang poked out when he saw Kagome glare and step back from him. "Why would I be nervous?" She matched each step he took towards her until her back hit the wall of the building behind her.

"Hmm...do I make you nervous?" Inuyasha moved closer like a predator stalking its prey. He stopped when her chest brushed his with her inhale. Kagome continued to glare.

"Have dinner with me. Tomorrow night."

Her glare turned into shock, "What?"

"I want to take you out. Properly."

"On a date?" She asked incredulously.

"On a date." He confirmed.

"Since when are you a gentleman?" Kagome laughed in disbelief.

Inuyasha leaned his forearm on the wall effectively boxing Kagome in, "Oh Sweetness, I'm always a gentleman." The wicked grin he gave her said differently.

Kagome looked up at him, her lips parting in surprise. His amber eyes glowed even in the dingy light of the back alley and Kagome felt herself lean into his warm body. And then she regained her concentration and pushed him back, "Wait. What are we doing?"

Inuyasha moved away willingly, "Well I was thinking about kissing you." He ruffled his fringe as he scratched his forehead.

Kagome furrowed her brows, "Inuyasha-"

"What's the problem?" He cut her off.

"I tried to kill you!" Kagome walked down the alley, putting more distance between them.

"A misunderstanding." He casually waved off. She flipped around and threw her arms out in disbelief. Inuyasha slowly walked towards her again. "I know you feel it too. This is something real." His hand gestured between them. Kagome looked away. She didn't know what she was feeling. She didn't know what any of this meant. And the look in Inuyasha's eyes was only confusing her more. This time as he moved into her space she did not retreat. His hand cupped her cheek and turned her to look at him.

"What? You want me to be your- your girlfriend?" The smirk that bloomed across his face was enough of an answer. "How would that even work?" Kagome asked skeptically. "We start with dinner. Tomorrow. Seven o'clock work for you?"

Kagome expected Inuyasha to drive an expensive sports car or, hell, even a motorcycle. She did not imagine him in a pickup truck. But, shit, when he jumped out of it in his dark, fitted jeans and black leather jacket Kagome was all of the sudden ready to blast some country music. She watched through the window and admired his long silver hair, half of which was up in a bun at the back of his head and gave off strong Norse god vibes. She felt hot and backed away before he saw her peeping at him. She checked herself one more time in the entryway mirror and smoothed down the non-existent flyways of her curled hair. Kagome had plenty of 'dressy' clothes but she had only ever used them for girls night out with Sango. But now, when she was faced with an actual date with an actual guy, everything seemed wrong. She begrudgingly settled on a tight black skirt and a long sleeved emerald green blouse with black ankle booties.

Thankfully, the apartment was empty as Kagome had not-so-slyly dropped the hint that Sango would be keeping bar at Slayers tonight to Miroku. He was out of the house just after sunset. Keeping their friends out of whatever this was would be best, for now. The knock on the door shouldn't have surprised Kagome but she jumped all the same. And then scolded herself for throwing all of her training out the window. She knew Inuyasha would be able to smell all of her emotions so she did her best to remember her meditation techniques. But then she opened the door and he was grinning at her like Cheshire Cat and her stomach flipped.

"Aren't you a pretty little thing." His voice dark and smooth and Kagome felt her skin flush. This shit was all so much easier when they were just flirting at the compound.

The restaurant was nice. Not so nice that jeans were out of place but nice enough that the filet mignon was $80. Who was she kidding? This was the nicest restaurant Kagome had ever been in. She didn't know what to expect. Sex wasn't the only thing she never experienced growing up.

After she moved in with Mushin, Kagome never took advantage of the opportunities to interact with kids her age. It took years just to be able to cope with her PTSD and making friends was low on her list of importance. If anything she was lucky she didn't have more social anxiety issues. Mushin home schooled them but Miroku had always tried to rebel against the sheltered lifestyle. He always volunteered to run to town for errands and Kagome never thought anything of it. And then he started sneaking out and coming back at all hours of the night. Kagome wasn't stupid, she knew what alcohol smelled like. Miroku also was not sly. And so when she walked in on him one night with one foot out his bedroom window he invited her to join him. Looking back he was probably just trying to buy her silence. The one and only time she joined Miroku on one of his late night excursions Kagome found herself surrounded by drunk high school kids with a lukewarm beer in her hand. Everything had started fine. Well not great since Miroku ditched her for some pretty cheerleader the moment they walked in, but she was enjoying the music. Then a cute boy came up to her. He asked Kagome her name and leaned against the wall next to her. She didn't like how close he was but the gross beer she forced herself to drink had fuzzed her mind into thinking it was normal. Kagome didn't flinch when his hand touched her arm or when he twirled some of her hair but then he leaned closer and his hand moved down her neck to her chest and his lips were suddenly on hers. Kagome panicked and grabbed his middle and ring fingers and pulled them back with an audible crack. He yelped in pain and Kagome ran. She never went out with Miroku again.

The older she got the more often she went to town. Whether it was to shop or just get out of the house. But she never felt comfortable there, not like Miroku. Eyes followed her everywhere she went and it unnerved her. Being surrounded by the townsfolk was one thing but she couldn't handle the attention for long. It was rare that someone would speak to her and Kagome tried her best to follow the social cues but it was just easier to avoid.

So there was no wonder she had no idea how to navigate a romantic date. Unlike those townies, she liked Inuyasha and wanted to talk to him. But there was all this pressure now. Before, it was all about the mission. She knew how to manipulate and coerce but now she had to be—wanted to be—genuine. Yeah she read plenty of books and watched movies but those weren't always realistic. And the internet wasn't much help either. It had all the advice in the world about losing your virginity but dating, apparently, was a highly debated topic. Let the man lead but not dominate the conversation, open up to him but keep some mystery, avoid tough subjects but see if your core values and beliefs line up, the man should pay but don't expect him to. Kagome was skilled in four different fighting styles, countless weapons and could take down a demon with her bare hands. But dating? How did dating make her hands this fucking sweaty?

Despite all her nervousness, their dinner conversation never wavered. Inuyasha told her about growing up down the street from Sango and his long history with Shippo. She told him about Miroku as a teenager and the beauty of the woods she used to live in. They laughed a lot and Kagome's eyes sparkled in the table's candlelight. She was clearly enjoying herself. And when Inuyasha casually reached across the table to hold her hand in the middle of one of his stories, she couldn't help the blush creeping up her neck. Her nerves were still on the edge of her mind but, for once, she actually felt normal. Sitting in a nice restaurant with a hot guy: she guessed this was what other 20-something women felt like—just living their lives. And it was...refreshing.

Spring was still a little ways off and when they walked outside Kagome was snuggled up in Inuyasha's leather jacket before she could even complain about the temperature. It was worn and warm and smelled just like him. She even kept it on throughout the drive. When Inuyasha pulled into a strip mall parking lot Kagome was silently confused. She had just assumed he was taking her home now. But the sign in front of them read Color Me Mine.

"How are your painting skills?" He asked as he turned off the truck.

"Um, subpar at best." It turns out it was one of those ceramic paint places. Customers choose a piece of pottery, paint it however they want and then pick it up a week later after it's been fired in the kiln. "How about this? I'll paint something for you and you can paint something for me?" Inuyasha suggested with a competitive smirk on his face. Kagome looked over his handsome face, contemplating, "Fine, but no crying when you go home with something ugly." She looked around the store and then picked up a few old catalogs on the paint station and brought them to a table to set up as makeshift barriers for them to keep their work a surprise. With it being a Wednesday night, Kagome and Inuyasha were the only ones in the place besides the single employee. After showing them where everything was, the eccentric girl put her headphones in and started working on some complicated piece at the back desk.

Kagome had no idea what she wanted to paint, or how she wanted to paint it. Inuyasha was already at the table hunched over his piece with a concentrated look on his face. After a few more laps she realized what she could do and grabbed a bowl off the shelf and hid it behind her back.

"You go first."

"No, you go."

"Ok on the count of three. One, two, three."

Kagome looked down at the pink coffee mug in Inuyasha's hand. On the front was a black letter K with the right lines becoming an arrowhead pointed to the left. "I tried to find a pink that matched the color of your reiki and mugs are always hard to come by in the kitchen so at least you'll know this one is yours." Kagome stared at the mug in awe and then up at Inuyasha. It was so simple but, "I love it," she whispered. Inuyasha tried to hide his grin, "Ok your turn!" He reached his hands out in a grabbing motion. Kagome lowered her faux shield to reveal a red bowl. And then she tipped it towards him and the inside was painted like water with three goldfish swimming around. "For your ramen. Or cereal." She chuckled.

"Subpar my ass? This is way better than mine!" Inuyasha picked it up to examine it closer. Kagome couldn't help the smile coming to her lips at his enthusiasm. They gave the employee their pieces and she gave them a tag with their pick up date.

Inuyasha drove slowly through the city of Shikon back towards Kagome's apartment. The music was playing low in the background and the heater was lulling Kagome into a relaxed state. Gone was her anxiety from earlier, replaced with warm content. When Inuyasha pulled into the parking lot, Kagome noticed Miroku's car was still gone and she was able to enjoy her date for a little bit longer. Inuyasha put his truck in park but didn't turn it off. Kagome looked over at him, her head resting against the headrest languidly.

"So, what do you want to do," Inuyasha gestured between them, "about us?"

Who knew a simple question could put Kagome back on alert again? "We're hanging out, maybe kissing, whatever." she said, trying to act nonchalant and failing miserably.

Inuyasha snorted, "Well I'm not going to be hanging out, maybe kissing or whatevering with anyone else. And I hope you don't either." His amber eyes stared at her hard.

Kagome jolted up, "No! I just meant- ugh! I'm not good at this." She covered her face, "This is so embarrassing." she mumbled into her hands.

"Hey, hey, you're fine." Inuyasha reached over and pulled her hands down and away from her face. "I will do whatever it takes to make you feel comfortable."

"What do people even do in relationships? Is this a relationship? Is it too early for that?" Kagome's words were coming out too fast.

"We don't have to label anything if you don't want to. But I would say that people in relationships enjoy spending time together, they're honest with each other, maybe they have shared hobbies."

"What is important to you in a relationship?"

"I mean, yeah those things, sure. I want honesty and transparency. I don't want to play mind games. I want to spend quality time but I think how that time is spent is more important. I want to laugh and forget about all the darkness in the world for a little while. I want someone who sees me for who I really am and still sticks around."

"Yeah...that does sound nice."

"And sometimes," Inuyasha's voice lowered and Kagome was drawn in, "when the darkness gets too close, I want someone to be my light." There was so much vulnerability in his eyes and Kagome couldn't look away. She understood. And she wanted that too.

She whispered, "Ok." and it sounded like a promise.

Inuyasha's seat belt was unbuckled in an instant and the pair were leaning over the center console to meet. His fingers splayed into the hair at her temples and scratched her scalp with his claws. Between that and the heat still coming from the vents, Kagome sighed into the kiss and relaxed even more.

When Kagome laid her head down that night—her lips still deliciously tender—for the first time in a long time she felt light, she felt hope.