10-28-2020
Part 2 of the Time 100 gala. This is a direct continuation of the last chapter.
Hope you like it.
(oh and side note: to the guest trolls who hate Ana and can't deal with her past and keep calling her mentally unstable, guess what... you can peace out. this story is gonna be whatever I WANT IT TO BE. so yeah, BYEEE.)
fear is a friend that you misunderstand
Please allow me the honor to introduce to you the incomparable Anastasia Steele of Christine Spencer." He gave a signature smile with his eyes fixed on Ana.
The whole room cheered loudly and applause rang through the entire space with an intensity that seemed like it would never end.
Ana nervously smiled and stood up. Jose gave her a hug before whispering in her ear. "Go and shine, Annie."
She looked at him with a teary smile and walked through the tables, smiling and waving to some familiar faces as she made her way towards the stage.
From Christian's viewpoint she was a cloud of pink floating through the crowd and finally landing on stage.
Ana beamed a smile at Bradley and hugged him, taking the mic. He whispered something in her ear making her gasp and giggle before playfully smacking his arm. The room caught on and laughed.
"You want to know what he said to me." She spoke into the mic, looking towards the room who met her with howling laughter.
"DON"T YOU DARE STEELE!" Bradley shouted as he made his way back to the table.
Rolling her eyes Ana giggled. "I can't wait for your daughter to grow up and put your nerves through the wringer. Besides, I can't really share what he said... Michelle and Barack Obama are in the audience, that's like... hashtag mom and dad." She giggled. "By the way, hi! Can you come back home? The babysitter is really weird." Everyone cheered and clapped.
"Sorry big brother but I'm ditching you. Ana is officially the coolest one." Mia nudged Christian who smirked at her. Just as he predicted she had everyone wrapped around her finger with her sweet disposition and her voice like honey.
"Okay so. Toast time?" She chuckled. "Um, I'm totally not nervous right now."
"Where's Belle?" A voice came through.
She looked in the general direction of the inquiry and put a hand on her hip in her usual mom stance. "Belle is in a hotel room watching Frozen so Mama could wear a fabulous dress and party." She sassed earning some more howling cheer from the room. "THAT! Ladies and gentlemen is what we call the Party Mom War Cry, we shall gravitate towards each other throughout the night and meet on the dance floor to perform our opening ceremony dance." Ending her declaration with an exaggerated bow, it earned another round of laughter and applause.
And just like that her nervousness had for the most part subsided. You can do this, she told herself.
"I do have a small message from Belle though, I wanted to include her somehow so I hope you enjoy this." She smiled. "If we could please play the video." She looked towards her right to signal some of the event staff.
The lights dimmed down to darken the room and the screens all around lit up with a video of Belle sitting and smiling. It was from a few hours ago. Her hair was a mess of curls, open and framing her face while she wore a pink pajama set with pandas on it.
"Hi ebeyone." She waved and the sounds of awws and laughter filled the room. Christian's face broke into a smile too at the sight of his little girl. Her blue eyes shined and pulled you in while her chubby cheeks were begging to be pinched.
"Gwaduashuns!" She said again. Ana's voice could be heard in the background coaching her.
"Now tell your friends to have fun and dance." Ana's voice came through.
"Bellie dance?" She looked off camera and started to wiggle. Prompting more laughter from the crowd.
Ana laughed. "No baby, tell your friends to dance and have fun."
She looked back and waved with a cheesy grin. "My fwen dance habe fun."
The video ended and everyone clapped again, turning to face Ana.
"I know I'm biased and her mom but god that kid is cute." She growled with a giggle. Chris noticed immediately how Belle had inherited that from Ana. Her enthusiasm and laughter was from Ana as were most of her mannerisms in general. For as long as he could remember, he'd never really laughed. Not much at all till maybe the night he met her and now that she was back in her life with Belle, he found himself laughing and smiling a whole lot more.
"BELLE FOR PRESIDENT." Someone cheered and Ana's eyes went wide upon recognition.
"OH MY GOD. POST MALONE WANTS MY DAUGHTER TO BE PRESIDENT. That's it guys! 2020 is done. That's my toast. Goodnight." She laughed and began to walk off before running back to center stage and continuing. "By the way, just a small gripe, can you please sing a kid friendly song? Cause blasting the clean version in the car doesn't help, I still sing the F word." More laughter filled the room. "Don't laugh at me, you all do it too!" she sassed while pointing a finger at the crowd in general.
"I got you, Mama!" Post replied.
"That ladies and gents is what we call the Art of the Deal, 2.0. My book drops at midnight." She winked. "Okay, I'm done. I'll be serious now."
Christian found himself laughing at her antics and falling even more in love. If she could only see what she really was capable of, he thought. After everything, this is how she blossomed.
However, where he saw a rose in bloom, she felt like a tired and wilted version desperately trying to repair.
The laughter and applause died down and just like that the nerves came back. She couldn't be funny anymore because what she was going to talk about was important and personal.
"It goes without saying that I am incredibly honored to be standing here tonight and share this accolade with 99 other people who are doing monumental and transformative things for themselves, the people around them and the world. From people who are fighting for democracy, human rights, trying to end world hunger, furthering science, creating beautiful art... to be honest, I don't know why you included me, I'm baffled by it but you know what, no take backs! I'm here to stay... Plus my friends are here and the food's really nice." She sassed with a giggle, while soft laughter echoed in the room.
"I hadn't really had much of an idea of what I was going to toast to until a few hours ago. I'd been racking my brain and even watched toasts from previous years which was a horrible idea because the bar has been set very high, including what we've already heard tonight and well, only the Lord can save me but I'm going to rely on my mom like improvisational skills and make it work!" she chuckled nervously but continued on as her voice trembled a little. "I'm going to toast to vulnerability."
"This is gonna kill us all." Mia whispered with her eyes fixed on Ana. Christian felt goose bumps and a lump form in his throat. It was pin drop silence and he hadn't ever experienced this on a personal level. He had heard other toasts throughout the night and they were good but none made him sit on the edge of his seat, still he knew why this one meant so much because of the person making it and it was a new experience for him.
"Usually when we all talk about vulnerability we make reference to a particular moment in our lives, talk about it for a few seconds and focus more on the end, more happier result. I understand why that is... because it's difficult to talk about the sad moments, to acknowledge how raw and exposing they can be so we aren't really able to give it it's due credit. Also, because for centuries we've been conditioned to believe that vulnerability is a weakness when in fact it is the driving force in every single thing we do. It is the reason why every single one of us exists and it is the key ingredient to our motivations no matter how rational or emotional those decisions may be— the reason for the rise and demise of civilizations, scientific and technological and innovation, soul stirring music, captivating literature—art and culture that inspires us and on the flip side, it is also the reason why we have war, and every imaginable injustice around us as a result of fear. Actually if you think about it, even the seven sins are deeply rooted in vulnerability."
She engaged with the entire room and her energy emanated through her one free hand as it danced around, adding extra effect where needed. All eyes were on Ana as she spoke candidly about a subject she knew all too well about since childhood.
"In the summer of 2017, my best friend and I had come back home from a particularly grueling day at work. We both were in the service industry and struggling, however, Anabelle, that was her name. We both went by Ana and we would call each other Namesharer, anyway... we were up on the roof of our tiny apartment building trying to unwind from the day when she looked at me and said hey, when we win the lottery... it was never if, always when." She laughed. "She was also an avid lottery ticket buyer. So she went, when we win the lottery, we're going to go to visit all our favorite places, stand on the beautiful beaches and celebrate every bad thing that's happened to us. I looked at her, as I mostly did, as if she were bat shit crazy." She giggled.
"Why in god's name would we do that? I asked and she simply replied because we survived. I immediately dismissed it. You see, I was the eternal pessimist and she was the eternal optimist. If I saw the glass half empty, she saw it as half full and went to get the wine bottle to fill it up even more." She chuckled, eliciting a similar reaction from her audience.
"But I didn't see the feat in survival. After years of dealing with abuse and fighting a rigged system, the improvement in my life had been incremental and I was too sad to appreciate my progress. So she looked back at me and said something that I never understood fully until recently." Her voice grew thick and she swallowed. "She said, Namesharer, we are vulnerable from the moment of conception to the day we die... yet it is a truth much like that air that we need to breathe and water we need to survive that we fight against with every fiber in our being."
Applause filled the room and she waited with a small smile.
"With vulnerability we have two choices. To go with fear, where we do a disservice to ourselves and those around us—to go with courage where yes, we can open ourselves up to a world of hurt but also have an equal chance to inspire someone to do the same and pay it forward. And who knows maybe through all that we can find a hand to hold, that can pull us up from the ground." She licked her lips that had gone dry and took another deep breath to hold on to her resolve of what she was about to share.
"In my own life, I have always gone with fear until two and half years ago. In the fall of 2017 after the sudden death of my best friend I found myself lying awake one night thinking that if I died at this moment, no one would know. I would end up being a statistic and a failure because I belonged and mattered to no one." Her voice broke. "It's an excruciating truth to accept and even more so to realize that there are so many of us who have felt this way. That moment was my rock bottom or so I thought. A few weeks later I found out I was pregnant with twins and if I thought I had experienced rock bottom before, this was a completely different beast. I had my moment of fear again. How will I feed these two? I can barely feed myself. I have no healthcare, no support system. I am completely alone... but then I had a joyous moment of clarity. The realization that I could finally belong to these two someone's and these two someone's could belong to me." Her voice had started to tremble even more but she held firm and smiled.
"But that required me to be brave, to tackle my loneliness head on because my children, Christine and Spencer, deserved better and I had to push myself. I didn't really know how to talk to people, I lived in fear so I decided to make a video and send it out into the ethers of the internet instead thinking that maybe if one person watched it and left a comment telling me that hey, you're not crazy I understand how you feel and you're not alone— that would be enough of a lifeline, to know that I can do this despite all the issues I was facing. That was my moment of bravery because it put me on this journey of incredible highs and—" her voice broke as a small sob escaped. "...and soul crushing lows." She took a moment to recompose herself and smile brightly through tears. "It led me to my family." She looked directly at Jose and smiled. The room broke into applause and she looked towards Chris' table that was clapping for her and smiled again, looking directly at him.
"So I guess the joke's on me because here I am standing in front of you, casting light and celebrating, in a way, difficult moments in my life and acknowledging that in fact there is strength and dignity in survival. That it can be enough if you want to be." She smiled.
"But I am not here just because of myself. I am here as a result of support; for every person who decided to hear me out and watch my videos. To every child in foster care, victim of abuse, to every person who's fought against the system, single mother, single father, every parent…" she took a moment looking up as tears spilled out and her voice broke before looking back and speaking again with a shaky voice. "Every parent that's lost a child, every person who's had to deal with mental health issues, for anyone who has felt hungry and most of all, to anyone who's felt so trapped and alone. I hope you trust me when I say that you are strong and you are worthy. Please speak out. There are good people out there and we will support you." She paused briefly fighting back the intensity of emotion that was threatening to break through.
"And so, a toast to vulnerability, may we always go with courage and let it transform us into a better version of ourselves so that we may continue to be of service to the people around us and make this world a better place."
She swallowed thickly and smiled with teary eyes while the whole room stood up with a thunderous applause. After being helped down the stage by an usher she walked through the sea of people and tables, hugging familiar faces and shaking hands with well wishers till she reached Jose and he enveloped her in a big hug.
"God dammit Annie, making me cry in public. You were perfect as always." He said with a thick voice and kissed her cheek.
She smiled back wiping her tears, nodding. "I love you."
"Love you too" he smiled, beaming with pride.
Who knew that all those years ago when they were living in fear, they would be here, standing tall after defying all the odds that were stacked against them.
Their dreams were simple and now they had achieved much more than they had set out to. No more darkness, no more hunger and most of all, no more fear or pain.
She took her seat after quick hugs from Taylor and Bradley and gulped down some water to calm the onslaught of nerves and recover from the force of jet lag that was now hitting her.
On the other hand Christian was mostly awe-struck. It took every ounce of his control to not experience or show emotion but his eyes burned and glistened. Breathing had become difficult. Kate and Mia were in tears. Elliot looked tense and Christian struggled with eyes glistening, for all this was uncomfortable. They stood up as soon as she finished speaking with the entire room and celebrated her but he was a mess on the inside. He couldn't run. He had never been in a situation where he was confronted with such extreme and raw emotion. Vulnerability— something that he wasn't familiar with in a public setting at all. It was still a new way of being he was getting used to in private for the past two and half years. He was in control at all times, control of himself and in control of all the elements around him.
Not with Ana. She was the only person with the power to disarm him ever since she had come into his life two and half years ago. In memory, in person — she had power over him.
The irony of it all was that Ana felt she had no power at all, not as just herself. Only as Belle's and Spencer's mother. She always had to tap into that part of herself to push through.
Christian stood applauding and watched as she walked back to her seat. Strangers hugging and wishing her well while he looked on with longing, desperately wanting to hold her close and comfort her.
After a final performance from Khalid, all guests were ushered through the welcome area from before to another event space called the Atrium. The room was set up like a club with a generous variety of desserts and an open bar to match. The idea was to dance the remainder of the night away and let loose.
This of course meant, Ana had to network and get face time with all those people she'd been talking to online and strengthen that connection.
Christian's regular MO would be to skip this, after all he had decided that once his PR team told him that TIME magazine had hoped to rope him in for some content for the social channels which he had outright declined to do… and now he regretted it slightly.
Once they were in the Atrium that was set up like an underground lounge, people conversed animatedly and hugged each other. Drinks flowed while laughter and loud music filled the air. Ana however was nowhere to be found. He scanned the room with a curious eye. She was the only person who looked like a walking cloud of cotton candy so she'd be fairly easy to spot.
Had she left?
He took out his phone to check and see a message from her, after her speech he tried to text her but failed to find the words. Nothing would measure up to describe what he was feeling. No compliment would be enough… and now she was out of sight.
Mia and Kate were schmoozing while Christian stood around with Elliot.
"You look like you really want to be here." Elliot chuckled.
Chris rolled his eyes. "Fuck off, Lel." Before he could say anything further, Jose joined them. He greeted Elliot with a usual bro hug and a conservative handshake for Christian.
"Mr. Rodriguez." He said in greeting.
"Christian, we're off the clock." Jose laughed. "Surely, we can be on a first name basis given that we're at a party and well, on the family side of things?"
Christian nodded. "Of course, how are you Jose?"
"Good. That was quite a speech. I'd only read your profile in the magazine but hearing about the initiative in depth was quite a treat."
Her returned Jose's compliment with a tight smile. "Thank you, where's Anastasia?" He asked hopefully wanting to steer the conversation away from himself.
"She's around. This is her time to network." He laughed and took a sip of his drink. "The day just started for her."
"I see." He wasn't entirely happy with this. He excused himself and decided to take a walk around. He saw people walking in from a corridor that brought in slightly cooler air, he followed the chill and was led to terrace where he was met with a sight that immediately pissed him the fuck off.
Ana and Bradley were in deep conversation, holding glasses of champagne. He watched them, she was at ease. He made her laugh .That was his limitation, he wasn't funny, he couldn't do that for her.
She was animated and had him in stitches as well.
He's just my friend. Chris tried to remind himself of her words but seeing them in person, it'd be easy to deduce something else. Something more intimate. He turned on his heel and walked back in to meet up with everyone else, sulking like a teenager.
"Just think about it Steele." Bradley pleaded.
Ana rolled her eyes. "It's a bad idea, Cooper. I can't even…" she exhaled with a growl. "Let's just go back inside. Stop monopolizing all my time. You can do that on the west coast when I don't have to network."
"I'm a stubborn motherfucker. You should know this by now."
"Nah, you're just a motherfucker." She cackled and they walked in laughing, to the room loud with music.
She found Sophie Turner with Joe Jonas and caught up, hearing their excitement about the journey of their first pregnancy, all while recording a "that's the tea" hot take about how heartburn in pregnancy is not cute.
The cast of Queer Eye was on her list. Most of all, to meet JVN and Tan. They hit it off and numbers were exchanged to meet up over lunch soon and discuss Ana appearing on JVN's podcast and the cast of Queer Eye doing a youtube video with her.
While she was dancing along with Taylor, the walked over to check out the desserts when one of the event coordinators came by asking for her to join the rest of the cover stars by the professional photostudio booth that the magazine set up for guests to have editorial style photos taken. There was a certain level of exclusive content that Ana and the rest of the cover stars had to be a part of throughout the night. This however was going to the last.
Cue the nerves.
As she walked over, she saw Jose on her way and signaled him to join and met up with the rest of the cover stars but Chris was missing. It felt odd. She watched on as Bradley got his picture taken as a guest. He photographed well. Smug bastard, Ana thought laughing to herself.
"Something funny, Steele?" Bradley asked from the set.
"Yeah, your face." She snickered.
After he was done, Ana walked on to set with Jose for a portrait with her date. She got into position and saw beyond the camera, Chris staring a hole into her.
Fuck.
Now her nerves were shot to shit.
"Bella, I need you to focus." Leo admonished her from behind the camera.
"Sorry." Ana shook her head and looked positioned herself. Looking straight into the lens, she gave a light smirk and reminded herself to smise. Jose sat on the armrest of the couch, while Ana sat on the seat of the couch, with an elbow propped up to rest her chin in the palm of her hand. After two flashes, they were done and Ana was asked to stand against another backdrop for her solo shot.
"Fake a laugh, Bella." Leo directed her.
"I can't do that. You need to say something funny." Ana sassed.
"PINEAPPLE FART." Bradley yelled out in his Christopher Walken impression making Ana throw her head back in glorious laughter.
"We got it." Leo laughed while Ana still tried to recover, wiping a tear from her eye.
Christian quietly stood, watching and fuming. While he loved to see her being so carefree, the jealousy kept on growing.
"Oh hey, Christian Grey. Amazing speech and initiative." Bradley reached out for a handshake before turning to leave.
"Thank you." Chrisitan replied curtly. "You are?"
"Bradley Cooper. Anyway, I'll see you around." He smirked and patted Christian on the arm casually before leaving. He tensed but shook it off. This is why he hated events like this. People were too friendly and too handsy.
"Alright, Bella, how about you sit on the armrest of this leather chair just as your date did and I'll position the rest of the cover stars."
Ana smiled tentatively and got into position, watching Leo direct Chris to stand behind the leather chair she was sitting on, while another cover star sat in the actual seat. They brought in another leather settee and organized the remainder of the three cover stars around that. The position allowed Ana to hide her left hand behind the person sitting in the chair, which meant she could hold it out for Chris to hold it, discreetly.
There was a charge that ran through her body every time they touched each other. He held her hand and gave it a light squeeze.
And just like that, they had their moment.
After being given a count of three, Leo took a series of pictures before dismissing them for the rest of the night.
"Leo, please pretty please send me a preview." Ana begged before walking off. She wanted to show Belle the picture in the morning. Even though she was too little to understand, Ana always took the time out to explain big things that happened.
"I'll text you." He winked which Ana met with a sweet kiss on the cheek in return.
Chris got up to the room and after exchanging a few words with Alice, poured himself a drink as she left.
His little moment with Ana subsided as soon as he saw her and Jose, talking to Bradley along with what looked like other celebrities when a photographer came up and asked them for a picture. Bradley parked his paw on her lower hip. It was a possessive move and Ana beamed a smile and did nothing to remove his hand.
I know she's mine, he thought to myself. But is she really? She never says anything that makes him feel like she's completely his. She's still holding back. She's not giving in to this,them, completely. She's still keeping distance between them. This was his thought process.
The ease with which she walked around the room, talking to people, getting pictures taken, laughing. At one point, she met up with Kate and Mia and talked to them along with others.
Then he saw her dance with everyone. Jose, Bradley, Taylor, Mia and other people.
I want that. He looked in longing.
He was bored out of his mind but he wanted to see her and then he was jealous out of his mind and had to leave, texting her that he was going back to their room.
He was standing by the corner window in the living room, brooding like a petulant teenager when he heard the door open and turned around to see her walk in.
Ana saw him standing in silhouette, the room was dark but she could see his face slightly illuminated by the light pouring in from the night lights outside.
"Hi, Mr. Grey." she giggled, walking closer towards him. Her skin was a little tingly and warm. She was coming down from a dancing high. She wanted to throw her arms around him and kiss him into oblivion.
"Had fun dancing with your friends." He asked in a low, almost accusatory voice. "Especially, your friend Bradley Cooper."
Not this shit again. "Yes I did, have fun dancing with my friend and friends."
"Really, there is nothing that screams friend about him." Chris sneered. "The way he touches you and how you both keep talking to each other."
Ana looked up to the ceiling and made a silent prayer begging to God for restraint. She exhaled audibly and looked at Chris who was standing across from her.
"I'm going to ask you a series of questions." She began.
"What do you—"
"ZIP IT." She snapped. Chris went silent and gulped. "How old are you?"
Chris paused for a second. "33."
"How old is Belle?"
"Almost two."
"WHO is legally allowed to throw a tantrum?"
Chris pursed his lips trying not to smile. "Belle" he murmured.
"What time is it?"
"After 1AM."
"Who's room am I standing in?"
"Ours."
"Who will be sharing a bed with Belle and myself?"
"I will." He mumbled, like a boy who had been freshly reprimanded.
"Now, PLEASE use the power of deduction and come to a conclusion that will end this absurd conversation because I have HAD IT with this useless display of jealousy time and time again." She said through clenched teeth.
He smirked and began to slowly walk towards her. She pursed her lips trying not to smile. Why does he have to look so good?
"I don't like you right now." She was being petulant, failing to hide her smile while wrapped his arms around her waist.
"That's okay." He whispered. "You still love me."
"Doesn't get you any brownie points." She grumbled.
He laughed, took her hand in his and began to sway. "I wanted to dance with you."
This was something new for him. He'd dance at Coping Together with his mother, grandmother and Mia after being blackmailed till the end of time but when Lillian came into the picture he detested the idea of it. Anytime they went to a charity event, Lillian would practically beg to dance and Christian would decline in his usual brusque manner. After the first two times she got the message. When it came to the wedding he took no part is picking a first song and pretty much told Lillian not to expect much since he couldn't promise her anything beyond say I do's at the altar.
"There's no music." She giggled as he moved with her. Her eyes twinkled from the light coming in from the window.
"What song would you like to hear Miss Steele?" He smiled.
"I really like come fly with me." She sang out the title. He gave her a small peck, holding her close. Ana felt her body react, melting further into his embrace. She rested her face against his body, her face barely reaching the crook of his neck and inhaling his scent. It was soft and citrus like mixed with something that was entirely unique to him. Exactly from that night… and then he began to softly sing a lullaby version of the song in her ear,
"You sing too?" She looked up in surprise, smiling. His voice was beautiful.
Chris shrugged. "I've never done it in front of anyone."
He went back to singing, twirling her around before pulling her back into his embrace.
"This is one of Belle's favorites, too bad our little bear is tone deaf." She giggled and Chris smiled, kissing the corner of her mouth.
"She makes up for it with enthusiasm and the fact that she's cute, so it's not so bad." He chuckled. Ana nodded and tiptoed to grab his face, pulling him for a kiss. She wanted more.
"Thank God for these heels, I hate being short." Her arms remained wrapped around his neck as she looked into his eyes, still swaying lightly.
With their eyes locked, Chris trailed his index finger from her cheek, down her neck over the mound of her breasts, along the bandage fabric of her dress.
"I'd like to see you wearing nothing but heels." He whispered, tightening his hold around her waist while he continued to speak against her lips. "With your ankles wrapped around my neck."
Ana closed her eyes and bit her lip, trying not to moan but there was no use. Chris kissed her, his tongue dominating hers and she felt herself melt into a complete puddle while she struggled, pulling on his hair for more. He brought his lips to her neck and began to kiss her skin all around.
They ended up falling on to the couch, with Ana straddling him while they laughed and made out like teenagers. She wasn't tipsy but the alcohol had definitely made her a little more relaxed than usual. They were all hands and tongues and things were getting hot and heavy as Ana helped him take of his jacket.
Chris reached at the back of her dress to slowly start to pull the zipper down. "Is this okay?" He asked, cradling her face with a free hand. She leaned into his touch and nodded before pulling him for a kiss again and began to slowly grind herself against him, making him groan in response.
However, just as Chris got done reaching the end of the zipper and moved to slide the strap of her dress a tiny whimper came from the corner of the room.
"Mamaaa?"
Ana pulled back and covered her mouth trying not to laugh.
"The bear is out of hibernation." Chris chuckled into her neck. So close yet so far.
Ana giggled and quickly turned around. "Bellie Bear!" She sang and opened her arms, prompting Belle to run over from the far corner of the living area. "This is a good development, she didn't cry after waking up." she mused.
Belle jumped into her mother's lap as they both cuddled and Ana leaned in to sit closer to Chris.
"Mama pwincess dwess. Mama makeup?"
"Yeah baby. Look who else is dressed up?" Ana kissed her chubby cheek and pointed to Chris. Belle looked back at him with a grin. holding her arms out and he helped her crawl into his lap.
"Chwis Pwince?" She asked, playing with his bow tie as he loosened it.
"I wasn't much of a Prince, Belle. Your Mama was the Princess tonight." He leaned over and kissed Ana's temple.
"No, your daddy was a Prince too, till he became a jealous grinch." She gave him a cheeky grin and ran a hand through his hair but their baby girl wasn't listening. Chris smirked at the rightful accusation with no regrets.
Belle was in her panda t-shirt and jammies, with her hair open and wild, talking up a storm about how she ate mac and cheese and saw Sawya.
"I can't wait for this jet lag business to be over with." Ana yawned, leaning on Chris' shoulder.
"Mamaaa. Foodie time." They heard her tummy growl and Ana laughed before getting up to get her a yoghurt and spoon from the mini fridge along with some other snacks.
"Can you feed her this, I'm going to go and change." Ana asked. Chris nodded and began to feed his little bear. Even feeding her was hilarious. She would open up her mouth wide and bite down on the spoon with a growl making Chris laugh. So far he was doing well, feeding her. Ana had also gotten a sippy cup with water and a small snack container of blueberries and cheerios for her to eat if she wanted to.
Once Ana returned, fully changed into an oversized t-shirt and pajamas, she sat next to them, once Belle was done with her yoghurt, she climbed into Ana's lap and began to act like a little baby.
Ana cuddled her like a newborn, but Belle's eyes were fixed on her friend, scrunching up her face into funny expressions which made Chris laugh and lean down to kiss her forehead. He shuffled in closer to Ana and put his arm around her.
"You really need to stop with this jealousy crap." Ana whispered, giving him what he now knew was her mom look.
He leaned in and hovered over her lips, before whispering, "I'm sorry."
"Are you really? Cause next time I'll put you in an indefinite time out."
"I'm not sure I like this smart mouth of yours." He smirked.
"Tough. I can already tell Belle has inherited this fabulous trait from me." She giggled .
"Chwis kiss mama?" Belle piped up, watching them from a lower elevation. They both laughed out loud which made Belle join in too.
"Okay, I see it now. I'm outnumbered." He chuckled and leaned down to kiss Belle's forehead again.
"Do you want to try and sleep with Daddy?" Ana asked. Belle looked up to her mother confused. "Daddy and hold you and rub your back?"
Belle just stared at her mother. "Daddy song?"
Ana maneuvered Belle so that she was now sitting up and pointed to Chris. "Daddy is going to pick you up and help you sleep." Belle looked at Chris and stared at him for a few moments.
"Chwis Bellie up." She reached for him and he held her. Belle rested her head on his shoulder and kept looking at Ana who leaned in closer and rubbed her tiny back along with Chris, while simultaneously running her free hand through her messy curls.
"She'll eventually call you Daddy." Ana assured him.
"I know." He nodded and held Ana's hand briefly, giving a light squeeze.
"Mama sing daddy song" Belle mumbled.
Ana moved in closer so that their noses were touching. Chris leaned back on the couch and got comfortable. She began to sing softly and massage Belle's scalp. Chris closed his eyes and savored the moment.
I could tell by his face
Those two tired eyes
It's been a long night searching for grace
Now the sun won't rise
Once she was done, Belle spoke looking at her mother. "I wove you daddy."
"I love you daddy." She whispered back to Belle. Chris hugged his baby girl tight and kissed her temple, trying to keep the tears from falling.
"I love you Belle." He whispered in her ear, his voice thick with emotion.
Belle looked up and smiled. "I wove you Chwis." before putting her head down on his shoulder again.
He pulled on to Ana's hand that was resting on Belle's back and kissed it, repeatedly.
"Thank you." He said with a strained voice. Ana smiled back, trying not to cry herself.
Soon enough, Belle closed her eyes again and fell asleep with Chris gently rubbing her back.
Once Ana had Belle situated and barricades by pillows, After changing, Chris climbed into bed and pulled her close so that they were face to face.
"I'm sleepy." She yawned.
"I know." He hugged her and rested his face in her neck, taking in her scent. A hint of vanilla with a light floral perfume. "I just want to be close to you. I don't want to fight." He whispered.
"We're not fighting, Chris." She replied, running her hand through his hair while he planted a soft kiss on her neck. "There's so much we don't know about each other and my life is not… it's not a bedtime story." Her voice grew thick and cracked by the time she was done speaking. "Don't ever question my loyalty again." She said firmly.
"I trust you… I just—" he offered weakly.
"Like I said before... you keep this up, I swear to god I'll put you in an indefinite time out and make you sleep on the floor."
He chuckled. "You're scary when you're in mom mode."
"Don't test my patience, Grey." She warned but giggled.
He trailed kisses up her neck and looked deep into her eyes. "You looked beautiful tonight."
"You didn't look so bad yourself, Grey." She gave him a small peck and melt more into his embrace with legs entwined, while his hands roamed around as they usually did no matter how many times she playfully admonished him.
"About your speech." He swallowed. "It was beautiful and I—"
"Can we not talk about it? I don't want to revisit that emotion." Her voice wavered a little. "Not right now. Please?" She pleaded. "I don't want to go to sleep being sad."
She'd done it so many nights for the past two and half years.
He sagged with relief. It was selfish on his part he knew. Truth is, he didn't know what he wanted to say but he wanted to show her that it affected him, to the point where he couldn't find words.
Nodding, he leaned in to kiss her soundly before resting his face in her neck. "I love you." He whispered.
"I love you." She whispered back.
Chris' eyes fluttered open and he saw the sky start to brighten with daylight. The bed was empty and he could hear the faint sound of talking and giggling from the living room. Grabbing his phone, he checked his phone and saw that it was 6:12AM.
Walking into the living area after getting done with the bathroom, he saw Ana sitting with Belle in her lap, going through her phone.
Their backs were to him but they were in full conversation.
"Everyone was dressed up. Look Aunty Mia, Aunty Kate and Uncle Elliot."
"Aunty Mia." Belle cheered. "Aunty Kate? Ava mama. Ewwiot. Tall."
Ana laughed. "Yeah, he's tall. Everyone was dressed up like princesses and princes. Your daddy made a speech. He talked about all the people in the world who don't have food and how we need to help them" She swiped some pictures and played a video that Jose recorded on his phone and sent to her for a keepsake.
"CHWIS." Belle squealed and watched a little snippet of the video before she started to lose interest. Ana showed her a variety of pictures and boomerangs herself dancing to which Belle reacted. Till she landed on the preview Leo sent at around 3am.
"Mama and Chwis." Belle looked up to her mother.
"Yeah, it's your Mama and Daddy. Do we look nice?" She asked, kissing her forehead.
"Wook nice." She grinned and continued to swipe.
"I made a speech too, like your Daddy. I talked about you and Spencer and Aunty Ana." She shared. Even though she had Alice to talk to, Ana always took time to talk to Belle. Sure she didn't understand but it didn't stop her from sharing all the important things.
"Aunty Ana, bweakfuss?"
"Can I join too?" Chris asked, standing behind them, startling Ana.
"Um, yeah, sure." She said slightly embarrassed. How long had he been there? She suddenly felt shy. "Sorry, I always tell her about things that I do. I know she doesn't really understand but I don't want her to miss out." Ana rambled nervously.
"I think it's beautiful." He smiled and leaned in to kiss her cheek, holding her close.
"GOO MONING CHWIS." Belle squealed and wriggled out of Ana's lap to go to her friend.
"Hey little bear. Good morning." He chuckled and kissed her temple before getting his share of a morning cuddle.
The trio was eating breakfast after changing into their outfits for the day. Chris was going to head into work a little later than usual. While Ana had a meeting with her publishers to see the final draft of the children's book she had written, part one of it anyway, followed by a late lunch at Mia's restaurant with Ava in Soho.
"Can I come by tonight?" Chris asked after taking a sip of his coffee. At this point he was ready to move in or have them move in with him, if he could.
"Umm…" Ana thought for a minute. "Yeah sure… I just have to check. I'm supposed to do this instagram live thing". She said a little distractedly. Belle was locked in between her legs as she brushed her hair into a high ponytail that showcased her beautiful curls.
Belle was wearing a white dress with red shoes and talking about a storm as Ana maneuvered her around. He loved watching them together.
"Hey Siri, call Tamika please." Ana randomly blurted out.
"Calling Tamika." The phone announced and she tapped to set the call to speaker.
"It's too early." Tamika groaned a greeting.
"Good morning to you too, girlfriend." Ana laughed. "Also, you were up. Jet lag, remember."
"AUNTY TAMIKAAAA." Belle cheered.
"Bellie. HOW is my bucket of vanilla pudding?" She laughed.
"Hey listen. Tonight, are we still on the separation anxiety insta live?"
"Uhhh actually no. Good you called me about that. Can we do it tomorrow night?"
"Works for me. I have too much to repost for the Time 100 thing so it will get lost." Ana mused. "Actually, why don't you and Deepi come over tomorrow night with the babies and we'll just do the live from my place and then have a girls night with Alice and Jose after?"
"I like that idea. No technology issues. Hold on, let me loop in Deepi in this call."
"LADIES." Deepi cheered.
"Aunty Deepi." Belle leaned over to speak into the phone. "Wohan Maya?"
"Is that my bubble? I miss you." Deepi laughed. "Rohan is sleeping baby but he misses you, so does Maya."
Tamika let Deepi know the new plan and they were all in agreement. Chris watched Ana talk to her friends and felt a slight pang of jealousy. He wanted to be with them every night, especially since they'd been so far apart.
"And then on Friday, we can have lunch at Alice Tea Cup and then go to the Natural History museum with the bebe's." Ana proposed as she ate the rest of her breakfast while feeding Belle.
"I like it. But I have to leave by 3pm." Deepi shared.
"Whyyy?" Ana whined.
"Um, so I have a date." Deepi giggled.
"WITH WHO? TELL ME NOW." Tamika demanded.
"A certain Skywalker."
Ana quickly covered Belle's ears. "Shut up. SHUT the fuck up!"
Chris laughed at her reaction and Belle looked hilarious in her confusion, trying to free herself from her mother's clasped hands that were squishing her ears.
"You mean to tell me you're about to earn some skymiles with Skywalker… HOW?" Ana gasped, thoroughly shocked and amused at the development.
"We exchanged numbers and well… we're going on a date now. Ma is gonna watch the kids and MAMA HERE IS ABOUT TO TAKE OFF. I mean God knows I need to." Deepi laughed.
The women squealed and cackled. Ana was so uninhibited in this moment and so excited at this development. She looked young and acted her age.
Who the fuck is Skywalker? Chris wondered.
"I need details. EVERY single detail… actually no. I forget we're talking about hetero sex here. Nevermind." Tamika quickly corrected herself making Ana and Deepi laugh.
"I'll send you pictures Tamika." Deepi teased.
"Deepi, I'm so happy. He seems like a nice guy." Ana shared with a smile. She liked Sawyer.
"Maya likes him and we talked a bit on the flight. I mean... it's just a date, who knows if something will come out of it but I know I need to get out there again."
"You get out there Mama and what a way to start, with a Skywalker." Ana laughed. "If he effs up, let me know, I'll have Prescott and Ryan beat him up."
Ana talked for a few more minutes and hung up laughing to herself.
"Miss Steele." Chris smirked, noticing her flushed face and eyes full of light. "That was quite entertaining I must say."
Ana's eyes went wide, realizing he heard it all. "Oh… uh, sorry. Yes." This was something else she's going to have to get used to, Chris being around.
"Who's this Skywalker?" He teased.
Ana swallowed and shrugged. "Just a friend we know." Fuck, could she tell him about Sawyer? She didn't know what kind of employer he was but judging by how Sawyer and Caruso talked about him so professionally she figured he maintained quite a distance.
"But you can come over tonight." She changed the subject and give him a tentative smile. "Not sure if Belle will be awake, given the whole jet lag thing we're dealing with."
"Okay." He smiled. Now the nerves started to rise to the surface. "I know you just came back but there's some stuff that we need to talk about." he paused and swallowed a little nervously. "I don't want to prolong it more than I already have."
Ana looked down and nodded before whispering a quiet okay.
"You're nervous to talk to her. That's a good sign." John said.
"How is that a good sign?" Christian snapped. He was pacing and struggling to maintain calm. Another 45 minutes till he had to be at Ana's place. He needed some reinforcements before he went over.
"The stakes are high. I'd be worried if you weren't nervous."
After a few more moments of silence John spoke again. "I saw her speech on the TIME website. How was it hearing it in person?"
Chris looked at John with a scowl. He knew what he was doing. "It was difficult."
"And?"
"And what, John. Isn't it obvious, goddammit?" He snapped at his therapist again. "I want to fix everything and I can't if she won't let me."
"Has she asked you to fix anything?"
"No but she's unhappy and I am the source of it. I see it in her eyes and I hear it in her voice. That speech last night was a slap in the face as beautiful as it was. I was a large part of the reason why she hit rock bottom."
"How do you want to fix it? By having another baby with her?" Christian had blurted out all that had happened yesterday in rapid succession. Hit after hit.
"I just want her to be happy and I want to prove to her that I am here to stay."
"And going through a pregnancy is the only way to prove that?" John cocked his head to the side.
"No. It's not but.. I-" He exhaled and dropped to the couch and hung his head. "I want all of it with her John and there's just so much… distance between us and now I have to tell her about the BDSM shit and god knows how she'll take it."
"She'll take it how she takes it but at the same time she's made it very clear she won't keep Belle from you, why can't that be enough for now? Why can't being a father be enough?" He insisted.
"BECAUSE." Christian took a moment to recompose himself. "I'm afraid I'm going to fuck that up too and I need Ana to believe me. I need her to want me too. She's already setting us up for failure telling me that just because we love each other that it doesn't mean it'll work out."
"Is she wrong?"
"I don't care if it's right or wrong. It's unacceptable to me." He bit at the words, anger flaring through him.
"I'm sorry, Christian but you can't force her to be with you and trapping her in a pregnancy won't help either, especially if it's a detriment to her health and by extension Belle. That would be selfish on your part."
Chrisitan looked away and closed his eyes.
"I know that now, I just… I mean of course I'd happily wait to help her get healthy and be with her every step of the way but I don't want her to completely dismiss the idea."
"I thought we talked about trying to bond with Ana outside of this dynamic. Outside the fact that you and her have children between you. There's a lot you both have to share about your pasts, more her than you. There's a lot you don't know about her. There's a lot you don't know about her pregnancy journey either. Your first priority should be being a father to Belle and then forming a relationship with Ana… slowly. It's only been a month Christian. Try and remember that."
"I want to know everything but I don't want to make her sad by asking her to repeat it all. I've already been the source of so much of her sadness." He said with a thick voice.
"Has she said that?"
"Not outright. Not since that night we had it out after we met again but it's obvious."
"You said she doesn't blame you for Spencer's death."
"She can say that, all she likes but it doesn't change the fact that I am. I was selfish. She pointed out that I was emotionally cavalier in my personal life."
"And you agree with that assessment?"
Christian nodded and reluctantly shared a truth that he hated to admit. "If I were her, I wouldn't trust me either."
A/N: Let me know what you think about this chapter: Ana's speech, Christian's reaction, watching Ana and Mr. Cooper talking (btw this isn't the last we've heard of him!), their little photo moment, CG's tantrum and their sweet moments alone along with Bellie bear and most of all, DEEPI AND SKYWALKER! Haha. Not to mention CG's little confession at Flynn's?
Next chapter he will share his BDSM past with AS and she will share a bit of her past too. It won't be pretty but anyway we shall see.
Reviews lead to faster updates. Just saying ;)
Till then, I'll see you guys on the flip(facebook)side.
The Heart Of Life (Where The Light Is - Live In L.A) - John Mayer
Come Fly With Me - Michael Buble
Leave Me Here - Hem