Adam can't believe it.

He remembers how nervous he was throughout the last week only thinking about Sam, the phone call his brother had in front of him and the quick ride they would be having on friday. He remembers waking up and almost changing his mind. Thankfully, Sam didn't actually give him a choice that morning, appearing to pick him up from Benny's then tactfully forming an alliance with the older man to pep talk Adam all the way to the car. Adam remembers how his hands trembled on his lap with apprehension and… fear? He can't tell now. He couldn't tell then. Sam didn't allow him to dive deep into his own thoughts and question the moment and what they were doing. Before they knew how, they were pulling up in front of that house.

Adam didn't go to the front door with Sam. His brother, in his black suit and with his cleverly styled hair, stood tall towering over both Zachariah and his assistant. Adam could distantly make out what he was saying but wasn't really paying attention to him. Instead, his eyes were on the old man in the door scowling at the lawyer in front of him as two other men carried out Adam's two suitcases and three cardboard boxes with everything he had left in that place.

Now, Adam truly can't believe it worked. Sam did his wonder right in front of Adam's eyes. He first called Zachariah, explained what they wanted then started this debate with the other man's lawyers on how a potential lawsuit would ruin their client. Adam doesn't even know how he managed to win having not understood most of what Sam said with all the law terms and references to pieces of law with long number codes. He only knows that his brother is good at his job. Very good. Because now, he is putting hangers through his clothes and organising them in his new wardrobe in the flat he will be sharing with Sam. They pulled that move and actually got away with it. That era of your life is over. That man will never get anywhere close to you again. Sam went to pat Adam's back once they drove all the way back to Benny's. Adam hugged him. For the first time ever.

He finishes with his clothes then spins in a half circle on his heels to see what else is to be done in his room. The flat and its rooms are on the smaller side with the kitchen joined to the living room, a bathroom and balcony squeezed in and the two identical bedrooms only large enough to fit single beds along with the rest of the furniture. Of that, they don't have much either. They got a living room pack with a sofa, two armchairs, a coffee table, curtains, a rug and a TV stand even though they don't yet own a TV. They have a round dining table with portable plastic chairs in bright colors Adam loved. Benny gave them cutlery, plates, bowls, mugs, pots and whatever else necessary in a kitchen from the storage of his diner. They got to buy desks and shelves in their rooms too along with beds and wardrobes so the essentials are all complete. The thought brings a smile to Adam's face. This is a start. A new beginning. He wouldn't ever imagine himself getting one with his half brother of all but still, it is pleasant. To most, it isn't even much. The flat is still considerably bare with no pictures on the walls or bathrobes hanging from doors or hoodies and jackets left anywhere or vases and little items on display or random snack wrappers and empty mugs on the desks.

They will get it all with time.

"Anything to share today, Michael? You look cheerful this morning." Jo smiles at him as she always does and ushers him to sit on the light pink mat in front of the window in her office with her. This place resembles anything but an office honestly but Michael likes it for that sole reason. He likes the colors he sees everywhere from the wallpaper to the pens on Jo's desk. He likes the relaxed atmosphere and the fresh flowers that never fail to be found in this room. He likes the chocolate chip cookies Jo makes herself and of course, the best part of it all is the young woman sharing it all with Michael.

"My friend is doing better. I think he made up with one of his brothers who he didn't really talk to for a long time. We talked on the phone yesterday. He asked my opinion on the color of the blanket he wanted to buy for his new flat. He is really doing better. It makes me happy." Michael can hear the smile in his own voice. It was one of the very first things Jo taught him. To focus on his own voice when he talked out loud and to recognize his own emotions before willing himself to face them. It works wonders just like the blonde woman who reminds Michael of sunshine.

"That's awesome! Last week you were looking much more somber. You missed appointments with Dr. Harvelle and me. You didn't want to believe me when I said you would be feeling better with time. I think I am seeing significant progress not only since then but since we met, Michael. This week, we will have a group therapy on Friday and one more private session after today with you. I think it's time we try some ambiance change with you. I want you to think about anywhere you'd like to go out of this office and your flat please. At the end of the session, we will decide on another location to meet the day after tomorrow. You can start small, anywhere else would work. I believe we will move forward fast enough with how well you are doing, okay?"

Michael thinks about it for three seconds then nods. It's true that he missed appointments when- Well, that's all in the past now. Adam has a new place to live. Sam is apparently supporting his brother fully. Dean has been silent for a few days now and that old man has retreated into his corner. People are slowly forgetting the newspapers and the headlines with Adam's face underneath. Of course it will take a lot more than a few days for this phase to pass and for people to completely leave Adam alone but what little peace they have now is still something. Finally, things are slowing down enough for Michael to get back into his routine with his work and his treatment.

He owes Sam a big thanks after what the younger man did. To be truthful, a part of Michael is kind of mad at himself. Why didn't he think of what Sam did? He is also a lawyer. It should have been the first thing that came to his mind when- But of course running away from a wedding with the groom in his car then having Dean attack them again and again left him no time to even sit and calm down. Of course he is a bit out of touch with his last four years mostly spent isolated and remote working. But he also knows it wasn't really his fault that he didn't have his head clear enough to act as Sam did to represent and defend Adam. He offered his help in a case of possible lawsuit as it was the only thing he could do after Sam did his part brilliantly.

He takes a deep breath and lets himself relax. For the first time in what might be weeks, he is feeling well.

When Adam finds it, Sam is off at work and he is just about to go on a grocery run to have something to snack on as he studies for his first quiz this semester. The edge of the box catches his eye under the passenger seat and he recognizes the thing before even picking it up.

How could he even forget about this in the first place?

To his defense, what he saw the day he received this thing was not an easy bite to swallow. Certainly not. And what else followed after never allowed Adam to focus on anything other than what was going on at the moment. He too didn't want to think about anything for a long while so… It's actually pretty natural that he never got to look inside this shoebox taped three times over and has his name scribbled in black marker on the top.

It doesn't look like much. Adam knows it isn't much. Just- He thinks back to John Winchester and the brief time they got to spend together. He doesn't even properly know the man. He doesn't know anything about his father. They weren't that close. John Winchester was married. He had two kids and a nice life. He wasn't allowed to be Adam's father. Not really. Adam doesn't even know if the man wanted to do so. They went to ball games, ate ice cream, saw a movie once, got burgers a few times and John made it to a philosophy club debate Adam's team won when the man appeared in the highschool on a random day. That's it. Everything. Once a year on his birthday and on a few random days every few months. Since Adam's twelfth birthday to a week after his eighteenth when the man died. Overall, maybe fifteen days at most. Adam has spent that little time with him. So what could he have left Adam? What little thing might have fit in this box?

Forgetting about the groceries, Adam walks back up the stairs to the flat and sits on the sofa with the box on his lap. It doesn't take long to decide.

A notebook.

A leather covered journal from the fifties.

"I just couldn't accept that, Michael. You are a brother to me too. When I wanted to study law instead of being a mechanic like dad and Dean, you supported me even though no one else would. You convinced Dean. You helped me get into my dream school. You helped me secure my internship with the best law firm of the state. You might not be blood but you are family. I couldn't stand to be near Dean after I learned- Well, at least I am doing what I think is right and getting to bond with my other brother in the process."

Michael doesn't know how to reply to that. Part of him is happy and proud of Sam. He remembers the days when he and Dean would chase after Sam who was just two and learning to run. He remembers bottle-feeding Sam, putting him down for a nap in his father's hammock as they played under the sun. He remembers sitting a toddler Sam on a cushion in front of the fireplace and watching as his mother helped the boy hold a newborn Gabriel for pictures. He remembers the time Sam ran to his and Dean's class on his first day of school. He remembers the sleepovers they had in each other's houses, the evenings spent helping the homework of four younger boys with Dean's help, the graduation days, the science fairs, the holidays spent together,.. Along the way, Sam has become one of Michael's brother's. And Lucifer absolutely adored him too.

"I wanted to come see how you're doing again. I mean, I already know how you run your own office from home but it never ceases to be impressive. I heard you won that case with the custody battle. No one believed the father had a chance. That man has been trying for three years. How did you even do it?" Sam asks with genuine interest and Michael starts recounting the case file with a shrug and a small smile.

Adam settles in his room with the journal. Deciding if he wants to read it or not takes longer than he would admit if asked but in the end, he finds he doesn't really have a choice here. This is John Winchester's journal, his life. Tiny it might be, this is still what will probably be the only chance Adam will ever get to know his father. Isn't that what the late man wanted to give him? Maybe it is even an apology, a last precarious effort to make up for the time lost between annual visits and a different life tying the man down.

Does Adam… want it to be so?

This one question is the one that hurts the most. He remembers being twelve and begging his mom's ear off to give his father a call. He was a kid. Everyone had a dad. He was always envious of his friends for that. He spent hours at night imagining his own father. In his mind, John Winhester was everything he wanted but couldn't get in his modest life with a single parent and hours upon hours alone at home caring for and raising himself. If John Winchester knew he had a son, he would surely rush over in joy. They would be together. His mom would work less. He would have weekend trips with his parents, two people coming to school plays and parent meetings, a dad to take to the ceremony when he finally became an eagle scout, maybe even a baby sister or brother like his best friend's. His mom would certainly be happier too. They would be happy.

Adam remembers his twelfth birthday. He remembers how giddy he was. Then he had eavesdropped as his mom and John talked in the kitchen and learned- His father wasn't going to stay. He couldn't. He had a wife. He had- Adam had brothers. John wanted to go back to them. He loved them more.

Adam remembers his thirteenth birthday. His father wanted to be there with him on that special day. So things didn't work out between the man and his mom. That happened between adults right? John Winchester dropped by every few months. It was the most frequent he could come over since he lived in another state far away right? He got Adam gifts. He said one of his brothers chose one. He told them about Adam so that meant he loved Adam right? It would all work out somehow. Right?

Wrong.

Nothing worked out.

First his mom. Then- Adam was kicked away to his aunt's and to a cold school from there. His dad- John Winchester did nothing. He appeared for the funeral. He hugged Adam close after he put Adam's luggage in the trunk of the car. His aunt's car. Not the sleek black classic car Adam admired. Adam didn't look back at the lone figure watching them drive away without even thinking of waving. He didn't look. He didn't mean anything to that man. And the man didn't mean anything to him. Not at all.

Three whole years passed like that. Adam received money from John just the same as when the man paid child support to his mom after learning about Adam. At least that. He at least did that. Though the fact didn't do anything to ease Adam's mind or heart. He felt- He felt like a charity case and not even John's at that. No. He was a charity case of the man's wife. The woman who let her husband go see that other child now and then and actually give him money. Adam had learned by then that there was no law protecting his rights. He had no rights on John and his family. Adam wasn't his son. He was born out of wedlock. He had his mom's last name. His father wasn't there when his ID was issued. The man didn't do anything to change that fact.

Three years. Adam lived like that for three years. Then another death and another funeral. Adam didn't cry. Just like that, he was left truly alone in the world. Nothing actually new. There was nothing to cry over.

Now, sitting on his bed with the first page of the journal open, Adam doesn't know how he feels. Is he looking for-

12 April 1970

I turned sixteen. Mom gave me dad's journal. She always knew I wanted this thing. It's one of the only few things we have left of him besides some of his books and clothes mom couldn't throw away since 1958 when he died. I was just four then. I think I remember him a bit. I remember a man, I remember his smile. I remember the music box and the song it played when it was still working. Mom says dad got it for me because I couldn't sleep. It comforted me. Now I will see if this journal will do the same. I don't think I will write much here. I want this to last. I want to carry a part of my dad with me my whole life. Maybe I will have a son of my own to whom I will show this journal when he asks about his grandfather.

The short entry sets a feeling akin to dread in him. Or maybe sadness. Adam looks at the black and white picture carefully taped on the page. It shows a young man in his early twenties at most crouching next to a little boy. It's hard to believe that this child is John Winchester himself. It's hard to believe this handwriting in black ink belongs to a teen version of the man. The high quality paper hasn't even yellowed a bit. So John really took care of this journal all these years. So he really cherished the memory of his father.

28 October 1973

I am back from Vietnam. Mom was in tears when she saw me at the door. I guess letters weren't enough for either of us because I hugged her for hours before I fell asleep with my head on her lap. I wish dad was here to see me back too. I was a corporal. I know it's not that high in marine but I think he would be proud of me nonetheless.

John was a marine. And he served in Vietnam. Just on the second page, Adam is feeling as if he is prying into something he shouldn't. With every word he reads, every bit of new information, his father's face is repainted with new colors in his mind.

He still doesn't know how to feel as he inspects the again black and white picture of a young man only nineteen in his uniform and carrying a duffel. Nineteen. Younger than Adam. Back from war. He stares too long at the smile on young John's face.

"You should keep reading it Adam-" Sam tells him immediately without hesitation once Adam shows him the journal. "-Dad always wrote in it but never showed it to anyone. That journal was priceless to him. He told us it was left to him from his father. After- After he passed, all three of us looked everywhere for it. Guess dad wanted you to have it. Maybe he wanted you to know him, huh?"

Adam's head snaps up to face Sam at that. Did he hear right? The exact same thing as Adam himself thought- Sam must know John better than Adam. So is it true-

"I know for certain how much dad regretted not being able to bring you home, Adam. It was- What he did wasn't right of course. He regretted it. But not you you. Never you. I think he actually loved you even if he wasn't very good at showing it. It was the same with me and Dean too. Dad was always a bit rough around the edges. Him and mom weren't always in that fairytale love. They fought a lot. I think dad was afraid of losing me and Dean too. So- I don't really know but I am sure of one thing: Dad loved you, Adam. He wished the circumstances were different."

Adam furrows his brows as he glares at the journal in his hands.

The day in school isn't as hard as it was at first. Adam sits by himself in a corner and simply takes notes during all three lectures. There are a few students still whispering at each other when Adam passes and he always sits alone in the coffee shop or the library when he wants to study when someone would ask to sit with him during busy hours. But it's nothing as bad as he anticipated. Some homophobic remarks he already got now and then before everyone saw his face in the news too, people avoiding him and being tense maybe if Adam is around them. That's about it. Nothing he can't handle. Nothing like he feared in his pathetic state crying his eyes out on Michael's floor with the man desperately trying to help him calm down.

In the afternoon, he goes to the park nearby the campus. Michael called him in the morning. Today, he doesn't have any appointments and he should be done with most of his work by now. His new psychologist wants him to try to get out of the flat and they have agreed that locations where there aren't many people might be a good start. He could meet with a friend who would help if something went wrong. To Adam, it's a perfect idea. They could just sit on a bench and chat then walk around a little. Michael is yet to see Adam's new flat with Sam. Maybe he can even convince the older man to come over some time. Benny could come too. Adam chuckles to himself in the car trying to come up with a basic list of movies and games they would all like.

Michael appears only a few minutes after Adam sits himself down with a light book in front of the fountain. The man walks tentatively, keeping his eyes around in case someone gets close. He manages to make his way over to Adam without any incident.

"You look well, Adam. I'm guessing your school and classes aren't as hard as you expected." They smile at each other for a second before Adam nods. He tells Michael about his day and about a psychology class he is taking this semester. Michael holds up a bag of sandwiches in the middle of his speech and hands Adam a Capri-Sun so they fall into a synchronous fit of chuckles at the innocent juice packet.

The sun starts going down, painting the world into shades of orange around them. Adam feels easy, carefree as they talk about nothing and anything. He listens to tales of Jo and her chirpy personality, Michael's assistant confusing a case for another and having him work on the wrong file for half a day, Sam calling Michael for advice on a case of his own, Ellen once again stating it unnecessary to prescribe medication and the stray cat Michael fed yesterday who then followed him home. He finds himself giggling every time he turns his gaze down to the juice in his hand and smiling hard enough to feel his cheeks getting numb as Michael becomes more and more relaxed.

Suddenly it dawns on him, this is the happiest he has ever seen Michael. The man smiled and laughed when he showed some progress with Adam helping him before but- This is different. No matter what happened back then, Michael always looked as if he was carrying the world on his shoulders. He was carrying the world on his shoulders then. Now, Michael seems… free.

It suits him.

Adam locks his gaze with the bright green of Michael's eyes, takes a second to stupidly marvel at how different the color looks with the dusk around them then speaks his mind with his posture straight and his expression still softened into a smile.

"Michael, I want to keep helping with your treatment if you'll let me."

After the last month's, this was the first thing that came to his mind when Adam asked himself what he wanted to do now in his first night in the new flat. He has never been this sure of anything.