Vision173 This story isn't over yet, but thank you for all of your comments. You're like the one kind in school that the teacher can always count on to raise their hand in class. Much appreciated!

CHAPTER FOUR

Hearts Grow Fonder

Its been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry
It's been awhile
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face
It's been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste

It's Been A While-Staind

As I stand outside of pathways I feel truly alone and realise that up until this point I've never truly been on my own. I've always either had my family, Fred or Angelina by my side. Even when I went missing doesn't count because I was so off my face I didn't notice that I was alone. Here my reputation doesn't precede me. People here might know of me but they don't know me. None of the old Weasley charm will work for me here. This will be a true test of my character and my mettle. All I have with me is one small bag and I grip my hand around the handles, square my shoulders, and walk into my destination. Pathways is a big rambling farm house which I find comforting. All around me is nothing but lush green land as far as the eyes can see and a huge lake with a dock and some row boats. The difference between St. Mungo's hospital and this place is like day and night.

The front desk Wizard is a kindly looking middle age man with more hair in his ears than his head.

"You must be George Weasley." He says and I nod. "I'm Clive, come right this way young man and I'll get you set up in your room."

"Thank you."

My room is spartan but much nicer than the one back at St. Mungo's. The floors are wooden but a braided rug has been put down for cold nights. My bed is single and metal framed. There is one highboy to store my clothes in. There's a small but clean en suite bathroom. From the tiny window above my bed I have a great view of the lake. It doesn't take me long to unpack what little belongings I have before I'm ushered off to orientation.

During orientation the staff here bangs on about holistic healing. I roll my eyes.

"We don't just treat your addiction, Declan the Pathways founder says, here we're about treating the mind, body, and soul."

I hate to be cynical so early on but honestly I'm starting to wonder if this place is a rehab or one of those muggle hippie communes Angelina told me about, but after the first week I can see that the staff is sincere. Sometimes for therapy we go on long walks through the countryside and talk instead of just sitting in a room spilling my guts. It's quite nice. They've also got me doing gardening, arts and crafts, and tai chi. I actually like working in the garden and digging round in the soil. The food is better too. I have gained back a lot of the weight that I lost. I almost look human again instead of an Inferius.

I don't even mind talking in group therapy and I think that's because I'm able to talk about Fred without feeling like I'm going to have a complete and total mental break down. Today I regaled them with the story of how Fred and I broke Harry out of his house via a flying ford anglia. It's also because I'm no longer so wrapped up in myself. Now when the others talk I listen to their stories. I mean I really listen. I empathize and finally realise how much I'd been taking my family for granted. Not everyone is blessed to have a family like mines. I feel sorry for what I put mines through. I made Fred's death all about me and never gave them proper time to mourn him.

The irony of it all is that Angelina was right about what she said to me back when I proposed to her in St. Mungo's. Without her or my family here I have no choice but to take rehab seriously. Without family or friends or Angelina I think I've finally realised just how far I've fallen. I didn't just lose myself, I destroyed part of myself. You can never go back to being the person who wasn't on drugs and for the rest of my life I have to live with the person I became when I was on drugs. I have to live with the fact that part of me could be so awful, but I can't dwell on that because right now I've got therapy.

My new therapist is called Tannis. She's even taller than Angelina and around Charlie's age. She has short curly brown hair and kind hazel eyes.

"So what sort of plans do you have in place for when you get out of here?"

"Well I'm looking forward to getting back to working at my shop. I've even come up with some ideas for some new products I'd like to start developing once I get out of here." I say.

"I think that's a good idea it's good to keep yourself busy."

"I just hope people will still want to shop at my store."

"What do you mean by that?" Tannis asks.

"I mean from now on I'm going to have the reputation of someone who went off the rails. Some people will only see me as an addict, and they might not want to shop at a store run by an addict. Even Montague knew the first place I would go after escaping St. Mungo's was Knock Turn alley to try and score drugs."

"If your shop failed how would that make you feel, and do you have a back up plan if it does?"

"I'd feel gutted if the shop failed. I guess now more than ever I feel a need for it to succeed, and not just for Fred's sake, but for every kid out there who was like me. The joke shop was always an escape for me and Fred. It's the one place we never felt like outcasts. Both of us were so sure it would work that we didn't even come up with a plan B if it didn't. That was fine then, but I'm going to be a married man soon, and you can call me old fashion, but I feel like as the man it's my job to provide for my wife."

"For what it's worth I don't think your joke shop will fail. I think now more than ever people need a place like that to turn to, but it's also never to late too come up with a contingency plan. A plan that you should also discuss with Angelina."

"I suppose that make sense."

"You must remember that communication is important. It's important to tell those around you if you're feeling overwhelmed. It's important to know when to ask for help when you need it."

She's right. Bottling everything up and hiding myself away from everyone is one of the reasons I ended up in the situation I was in, but it's not going to be easy. For so long Fred was the first and sometimes only one I turned to when anything huge impacted my life. There are secrets and emotions that he took with him to the grave. It's a part of me that is gone forever, but I cannot forget and cannot get back. I can never rely on anyone the way I did with Fred and I can't make anyone who isn't a twin understand what it is to have lost that connection.

"You have a great support group in your family, friends, and Angelina you mustn't be afraid to lean on them. You also must prepare yourself for those who might no longer be there for you. Not everyone is obligated to forget who you were while you were using nor are they obligated to forgive you."

"I know. I have burnt my share of bridges."

"I'm muggle born, and in muggle rehab there's a prayer that's often used it goes like this: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

I am certainly not a religious man, but appreciate words of wisdom where ever they may come from. I've finally accepted that I cannot change Fred's death so that I can finally have the courage to live in a world without him.

After my therapy I have free time. I change into my dungarees, put on my boots, and go out to the vegetable garden to do some work. I do it all by hand not using magic makes the work feel more gratifying.

George?" A voice calls as I'm on my knees pulling weeds.

I wipe my hand across my sweaty forehead and look up to see who called my name.

"It is you! I am glad to see you here."

It's Alana Jenner the Ravenclaw witch I met at The Bloody Wretch. "I'd ask you what you're doing here, but that would be a stupid question." I say. The two of us hug.

"I'm so happy to see you in rehab. I heard about what happened to you and felt awful."

"Not your fault. Just because you gave me drugs didn't mean I had to take them."

"True, but part of recovery is apologising for your wrong doings, so, sorry."

"Apology accepted." I say. "So how long have you been here?"

"Five weeks today. My low point was when I went to trade drugs for sex but got arrested by an undercover instead. When that happened I knew I had to get help."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. If that hadn't of happened to me I'd probably be dead by now."

I nod. "Yeah, if Angelina hadn't of found me in that potion house I'd probably be dead."

"Angelina as in Angelina Johnson?"

"Yeah. She's my salvation. She's my everything."

"The two of you are dating, but didn't she date Fred?"

"Yeah."

"It isn't weird for you?"

I shrug. "It was at first, but I've always fancied her and she knows I'm not Fred."

Alana puts her hand on my shoulder. "Hey, I'm the last person to judge if she makes you happy then it's a good thing."

"Thanks."

"My boyfriend was killed by a Death Eater."

"Sorry."

"He died saving me. They cast Avada Kedavra and he jumped in front of the spell."

"Fred was killed by a Death Eater as well." I say.

"Did you kill him?"

"I wasn't even there when it happened."

"I killed the Death Eater that killed by boyfriend. I thought it would make me feel better, but the only thing it did was make me feel like a murder."

"My mum killed Bellatrix. She had to or she would have killed my little sister. It's changed her, but just like my mum you did what you had to do to stop that Death Eater from killing someone else."

Alana smiles a sad smile. "Thanks. I never thought of it like that before."

"Well, I say, this garden isn't going to weed itself, want to help me?"

"I'd be glad to."

I've been clean and sober for four weeks now, and even in an environment where there are no drugs and alcohol around me it hasn't been easy. The first four weeks were the hardest. I wasn't allowed to have contact from anyone outside of Pathways rehabilitation. I had never been so far away from my family for so long before, not without Fred by my side.

In therapy today Tannis asked me the million galleon question. Why did George F. Weasley turn to drugs? The easy answer would be because of Fred's death, but the real answer is much more complicated.

Without Fred I completely loss sight of who I was or even if I had a right to exist. I wasn't Fred and George anymore, I was just George and I didn't know how to be just George. Everything I knew about life got skewed when I saw Fred's dead body. Slowly I started to lose faith in everything I ever believed in. As the days went by things got harder and not easier and I thought this is what life really is. I had always been an optimist an A-type. Even when we were starting up the Joke shop I was always the one to rally Fred when things seemed hopeless. Or maybe I was always the general with Fred because I knew together we could do anything. Without him I felt like nothing. I felt nothing. I stopped believing in everything, unless of course it was painful or dark thoughts. I may as well have run up to a Dementor and kissed it.

It was the apathy that made me turn to drugs, The drugs made the gray matter not matter so much. The drugs gave me a false sense of emotions, but at least they were emotions I could control. When I was off the drugs I couldn't control the waves of sorrow or anger or bitterness, and it scared me to feel that way. Now I just want to feel like myself. I want to live. I want to get back to the person I lost ever since Fred died. He'd hate what I've done to myself. I'd hate for him to see. I've even cheated myself. I have forgotten of all the wonderful memories I have with Fred. I forgot how strong the bond between us felt, more than anything I have the capability of putting into words. It felt like a gift. I had forgotten how with just a look my brother could make me laugh till my sides hurt. He was my staunchest ally and would defend me beyond reason. It hurts me more than anything that my twin brother is gone, but in all this grief I'd forgotten that he lived.

My brother lived life harder than anyone I knew he didn't believe in wasting time. He believed in living life. My twin brother died a hero. There will never be another man in the Universe like him, and so I'm going to live to tell the Wizarding world about him. I'm going to make sure they never forget him. I'm going to live because I have life and a lot of people, my bother included, gave their's ups so that we could live.

It took getting completely broken down in this place to come to this conclusion. It took losing everything I had to make me fight to get it back. I will get it back too, my family, my friends, and my career, and of course Angelina. Always Angelina. I've never missed her so much before in my life. I've never missed anyone who was still alive as much as I miss her right now.

Today I'm finally allowed to have letters, and on the very top is Angelina's. I take it to the privacy of my room and lie down on my bed. She scented the letter with the perfumed potion she always wears. I sniff it and think of her. I can see her face as if she was here beside me. Her smooth mahogany skin, her beautiful brown eyes and her soft full lips. I think about how her smile could light up a whole room, and if she bestowed it upon you then you felt like the luckiest man in the world. I think of her voice melodic and soothing like a lullaby. As I open and see her familiar hand-writing I start to cry. It's only been four weeks, but I feel like I hadn't heard from her in four years.

My Dearest darling Gorgeous George,

I hope this owl finds you OK. I have done nothing but thought about you since the day you left. I hope you're are getting along well and are focusing on making yourself well. You need time for yourself. I can't believe how much I miss you. I love you. I always will. I've been keeping myself busy so as not to go mad so please don't worry about me. I've started taking ballet classes again in Beckworth. I'd forgotten how much I love dancing and I'm going to make you watch The Red Shoes and Turning Point when you get back home. Your shop has been completely repaired. With the help of your family and the old Quidditch team, and wait for it, Hagrid! We got the shop back to where it was in no time. We aren't having the grand reopening until you come home it just wouldn't be right any other way.

Katie had her baby! A little boy they've named him Aberforth, but everyone calls him Aber. I'm getting quite a lot of experience in babies between Victoire (who's getting so big- I've included pictures), Aber and Teddy. I've fed babies, bathed babies, and changed diapers. I've been spit up on, pissed on, and been bitten (Teddy). I'm not sure if I'm ready to be a mum now, but I know if I do become one I'll have a lot of support. Your family has taken me in and treated me as one of their own. I can't thank them enough for that. Right now I'd be lost without them. Part of me is already lost without you here. I can't wait until were married. We'll never have to be apart again.

I got an owl from McGonagall. She wants me to come in for a second interview! I'm so bloody nervous. Lee, Katie, and Alicia are sure I'll get the job, but I'm not. Can you even imagine me as a professor? I don't know if I can it seems so grown up and sometimes I still find it hard to believe that I'm an adult. Bill came around the other day and he got in a fight with Charlie. Charlie charmed Bills shoes into muggle skates and he couldn't get them off. Bill tried to get Charlie back but he kept pointing his wand at Bill's skates and making him zoom around the burrow crashing into things. I never laughed so hard, but I'm sure that's not the type of thing you're supposed to laugh at as an adult.

Once my house is built I'm putting it up for sale. The money I get from the sale I'll use for our own home. I can't wait to decorate our place maybe we can even get some hens. What do you think? Sorry I'm rambling, I know it, but it's just so nice to finally be planning our future together.

If I could I would write you a million page letter, but I have to end this one right here. Don't give up on yourself George you're the strongest and bravest man I know. You can do anything you set your mind to. Anything. Remember that, and remember I am here waiting for you, and I love you and I always will.

Counting the days,

Angelina.

I look at the pictures she's included. She's right Victoire has gotten bigger. By the time I'm out of here she'll have grandchildren. She's almost the exact double of Fleur, yet when she smiles I can see Bill. As I flip through the photos I can see Victoire has given my family something to smile about again. She's such a beautiful baby how could they not? The first Weasley grandchild is already here. Sometimes life moves so fast. I know any children I have with Angelina will be beautiful and will be loved. I'm missing so much of my life, so much that I had forgotten about. I'm counting the days too, Angelina. I pick up a picture that she had included of herself. The Angelina in the picture is wearing a blue sundress and her hair is pulled up in a chignon. She's winking and blowing kisses at me. In another she's in a corset and tights dancing a burlesque routine. I shove that picture under my pillow and I'm not ashamed to admit I'll be having a wank to that photo later on tonight. The picture of Angelina in the blue sundress I put on my nightstand so it will be the first thing I see when I wake up every morning. Then I take her letter read it again; slowly this time so I can cherish every words she's written. When I finish reading the letter I hold it under my nose smell her perfume, and smile as I close my eyes and hold her letter over my heart.