Emily was learning all about self-defense. She had accepted Luke's offer after their role play in the water a few days earlier. She knew some techniques from boxing, but she wanted to know more. Specifically, how to stop someone from choking you.
They were currently sprawled on the floor of her apartment where she had taken him down. She felt very liberated.
"How was that?" she asked.
"Better," he answered. He was currently teaching her how to take down someone who was standing behind her holding a gun. The throw down had been a bit unexpected, but he didn't mind the physical contact.
"Better?" she echoed. "I tackled you. Isn't that a step further than what you showed me?"
"Yea, yea," he said, sitting up after she moved off him.
"Oohh I get it," she realized. "You are not used to being thrown down."
"I've been thrown down lots in my life," he argued.
"By a girl?"
He paused. She had a point. She made a sound of triumph before he moved to push her back down on the floor. He felt her legs squeeze his sides as he kissed her, her hands on his back.
"I'm pretty sure this is not part of self-defense," she said when he broke for air.
"It's a great distraction, and it has worked sometimes," he replied.
"Excuse me?" she asked, incredulous. "Are you telling me you've kissed bad guys?"
"Not me," he shook his head. "But I've seen it done. Very effective."
"Is that so?"
"I can show you," he grinned before kissing her again. Emily got so lost in him when he kissed her. What she really appreciated was the fact he did not push for anything more. But lying there on the floor on her back, she realized she did want more with him. His phone went off on the table, making him groan.
"Why is it that 30 minutes always feels so short when you're doing something you enjoy and so painfully long when you're doing something you hate?" she asked as he got up. He helped her to her feet next.
"That's the way it is," he sighed. He took his phone and pocketed it. Emily fluffed her hair back to what she considered a normal look.
"See you in there," she said as he went out the door. She waited a few minutes before following. Lucy looked up as she came in, and her expression said she had something to say.
"You two are totally doing it," she said on cue.
"We are not," Emily denied. It was the truth. They were not sleeping together.
"You both disappear for half an hour every day. You're doing it," Lucy accused.
"Lucy, I swear to you that we are not doing anything," Emily said firmly. She tried to get to work, but Lucy was persistent.
"Then what are you doing?" she asked.
"Nothing."
"You just sit and do nothing every day for 30 minutes?"
"That's right."
"I don't buy it."
"It's what it is."
"You're lying."
"I'm not."
"I'm going to follow you next time," Lucy said. "If you won't tell me."
"Okay, he's teaching me self-defense, are you happy now?" Emily snapped. Then she felt bad. Lucy meant well, but she was so damn annoying sometimes.
"Oh," Lucy said. Then she frowned. "Why do you want to learn that?"
"Just because," Emily replied. "Okay?"
"Okay," Lucy nodded, knowing better than to push after all the pushing she had just done now. She caught sight of Luke watching from the back, and she put her head down and went back to work. She was really curious, though, as to why Emily wanted to learn self-defense.
...
The two weeks were up, and Mei's punishment was officially over. Luke knew she had something lined up because she was hovering, and she only did that when she wanted something.
"Hey, Luke," she said on cue.
"Hey, Mei," he said back.
"Why do you do that?" she asked, annoyed.
"Because I know it annoys you," he smirked. "Spit it out. What do you want?"
"Nate and I want to meet some friends for a late movie. Is that okay?"
"You promise not to punch them?"
Mei groaned and rolled her eyes, and he crossed his arms, waiting.
"I won't punch them," she said. "I actually like them."
"All right then. Go ahead," he said. "But text when you're done and on your way home in case I have to go looking for you when you don't arrive."
"Fine." She grabbed her phone from the under the counter by the cash register where Luke had stashed it during her punishment. He held out the battery for it when she walked by, and she took it.
Luke knew he was her friend, but he kept falling into the father-like role with her more often than he anticipated. He was surprised she didn't just tell him to go to hell. Maybe she wanted some fatherly advice and attention sometimes. He watched her head upstairs to change, and he began the cleaning up process of the diner.
"Oh, God," Emily gagged, coming from the bathrooms.
"What?" he asked.
"Who could do that to a toilet?" she asked. "It's just so wrong."
"That bad, huh?" he questioned, wincing.
"I might throw up," she said honestly. She was trying to get the sight and smell out of her system.
"'Kay, bye," Mei said, thumping down the stairs and heading out the door at this moment. Nathan was outside waiting for her.
"Bye," Emily said, looking unsure.
"Late night movie," Luke offered.
"Oh. Nate didn't even ask me," she said, offended.
"Going to a movie!" Nathan shouted through the door as if he had heard her.
"I...all right," she said when he went back out and hurried after Mei. She ran a hand through her hair, which was coming undone.
"And then there were two," Luke said, locking the register and looking at her.
"Tito?"
"Left ten minutes ago."
Emily knew Lucy had left. She had been looking at the clock with an antsy expression for the last hour of her shift. Emily figured she was going to meet Brent.
"Hm," she said. "Whatever shall we do?"
"Enjoy the peace and quiet," Luke answered, taking off his ball cap and putting it on the hook.
"I'm down with that," she agreed. She was feeling intensely attracted to him in that moment as he went to lock the door and turn some of the bigger lights off. She met him on his way back, putting her arms around his neck. The way she was looking at him, he knew this was different.
It was more of a question, the touch of her lips against his, like she was looking for permission. It was so light that if he hadn't seen it coming, he would have missed it entirely. It took him by surprise, and at first, he didn't react. This made her feel she'd made a mistake.
"Sorry," she whispered, pulling back, but he had regained his senses by this point.
His left hand caught her waist while his right hand caught her neck and pulled her back into him, kissing her firmly but softly. He felt her hands on his back, her fingers digging into his shoulder blades.
What was happening here? Luke wasn't really sure, but he didn't want it to stop. After a few moments, though, he could feel her growing tense.
"Are you okay?" he asked after he stopped. She nodded quickly.
"I'm just...having a flashback," she answered. "I'm sorry." She hated that this perfect moment got ruined because of her past. She pressed her hand into her face, wishing for the millionth time that she had just paid more attention, that she had just noticed sooner that Roger was who he was or had just left sooner after it started.
"It's all right," he assured her. "We don't have to. You know I'm all right with..."
"But I want to," she interrupted. She had such a fierce look on her face in that moment that Luke realized she was trying to work through this, just like with swimming.
"Just take it slow," he encouraged, touching her jaw lightly. "I'm not going anywhere."
She nodded, not knowing what else to say. She felt like an idiot because she had been the one to initiate it, but she knew he didn't want her to feel that way.
He released her and went to go get a beer when she went up behind him and grabbed his waist tightly, turning him to face her and pushing him against the wall. She was not going to let her past rule her present or future, not anymore. It was decided.
"Wha-?" he asked before she cut him off with her kiss. She pushed through the memories because they were just that, memories. Luke was different. He was not Roger. The hand in her hair was not Roger's; it wouldn't yank or pull it out. The hand on her back wasn't going to turn into a fist that would start pounding on her. The mouth on hers was not going to turn violent and become all teeth on her skin. This was Luke. He wasn't going to do any of those things. She was still hesitant, though, when it got heated.
"We don't have to," he said again.
"I want to," she insisted again. "For the sake of us working together, we have to."
"Excuse me?" he asked, taken aback.
"We will work together much better once this tension is out of the way," she replied.
"Is that so?"
"I'm willing to find out if you are," she said. He paused for a moment, realizing that this was her way of not getting hung up in her memories.
"All right," he said. "But only for the sake of our customers getting good service."
She started to laugh but buried it when he held her close. Luke couldn't help but think about the photos and how she had no idea he remembered her being in so much pain.
"We do it your way," he said, tucking her hair behind her ear. "All right?"
"No," she shook her head, looking at him intensely. "We do it our way."
He surveyed her for a moment, making sure. When she kissed him again, he felt assured that she wanted this.
He felt nervous as they went up the stairs, and he had no idea why. Annie had always told him to move on if something happened to her. He just never thought it would actually happen. Then there was the guilt that he was the reason something had happened to her in the first place.
Emily sensed a change in him once they were standing in his kitchen.
"Are you okay?" she asked. "I mean, we've established that I'm fine, but I'm sensing you're having second thoughts."
"I'm fine," he answered automatically. He pulled her into him, kissing her and trying to prove that he believed his own statement. He sank down onto a chair, pulling her into his lap as he did so.
"You know what two broken people are best at doing?" she asked in his ear after a moment.
"What's that?"
"Putting each other back together again."
He turned his head, meeting her gaze, and he knew she was right. He relaxed more as she slid her hands under his shirt and sank her lips back onto his. After a bit, he moved them to his bed. Once there, she stopped.
"I just...hang on," she said, looking up at him.
"Want me to stop?"
"No. I'm just really self-conscious about what my body looks like," she said. "There...there are a lot of scars." She looked away, feeling bad.
"Em," he said softly, reaching to make her look at him. "I don't care."
"But I do," she replied.
He bent to kiss her lips gently before moving to her neck.
"They're yours," he said into her skin. "And I take you as you are."
"Okay," she whispered. He kissed every single one of them to show her he didn't care, that he saw more than just the scars when he looked at her and that she was still beautiful even with them.
The way she said his name while grasping his arms with her fingers to ensure he was really there made him feel even more protective of her. He couldn't understand how someone could be so horrible to another person when they bared their soul this way. Being intimate was not something someone should be afraid of doing, and he could tell Emily was a bit afraid in the beginning until she realized he was not going to just take what he wanted.
"What are you doing?" she asked when he paused, his lips grazing hers.
"Tell me," he said.
"Tell you what?"
"What you want me to do."
She almost cried when she realized what he was doing. It had been so long since someone cared what she wanted that it felt so foreign.
"Okay," she nodded. The rest was a blur almost, but he kept his touch gentle and undemanding. The last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt her.
For once, she felt cherished, loved, and, most importantly, safe.
Afterwards, her face was pressed into his neck and her arm across his chest. She was sound asleep, and he just lay there listening to her breathing. He felt a little shock at what had just happened. It had been so long since he'd done this, and yet it felt like yesterday at the same time. He was also realizing that he had completely fallen for Emily. He would not have done this if he hadn't.
And for some reason, it terrified him.
...
"Luke," Emily said, shaking him. "Luke!"
He awoke with a start, his heart racing. He looked at her, and it finally registered where he was. He was in his room in a place far away from New Jersey. He was not in his old house watching her get her throat slit by the Russian mafia.
"Are you okay?" she asked, touching his face.
"I am now," he answered, sitting up. He noticed she had his shirt on, which made him smile a little.
"I got cold," she explained. "Which is strange since it's like a hundred degrees outside."
"It's the air conditioning," he said. He rubbed his face, trying to erase the image in his brain from his nightmare.
"It's almost midnight. I thought maybe I should go before Mei and Nathan get home," Emily said.
Luke suddenly didn't want her to go. He didn't care if anyone found out. He wanted her there with him so he could hold her and be comforted by her next to him.
"Okay," he said reluctantly. She moved to kiss him softly, her hand behind his head.
"To be continued," she whispered, smiling.
He nodded, not saying anything, and she slid out of the bed and put her clothes back on. He followed suit and went behind her down the hall and then down the stairs.
"Hang on," he said, stopping at the landing.
"What?" she asked. He pulled open the small door there, surprising her. There was another flight of stairs.
"Come on," he said.
"Are you going to murder me?" she asked. He laughed.
"No. This goes to your place. I just had it locked on your end," he answered, showing her. He unhooked the latch and pulled in on it, and the door at the bottom opened into Emily's living room.
"I thought that looked like a seam in the wall," she said, incredulous. She had thought the hole where the door knob had been was a knot in the wall. If only she had looked more closely.
"It's one of those magnetic type doors," he said. "You push it in to shut it and push it in to release it."
"I see."
They stood there looking at each other, and Emily wished she didn't care if anyone knew. But she didn't want it to get ruined either. One day they'd tell everyone.
"Good night," she said finally.
"Night," he replied as they heard footsteps outside and Nathan and Mei's voices talking. She stepped back, and he disappeared behind the door, pulling it shut. He left the latch off out of some unknown gut instinct and went up the stairs before Mei got there. He disappeared into his room, pulling the door shut behind him so as to avoid any questions.
He thought about Emily, trying to fall asleep.
...
Emily couldn't sleep. She wanted to be with Luke. Knowing Nathan slept like the dead, she crept out of her room and went to find the door in the wall. She smiled as she pushed it in and it opened. He had left it unlatched. After closing it softly, she carefully went up the stairs like a burglar. His room was at the opposite end of the hall from Mei's, which she was grateful for. There was nothing like trying to explain to a teenager what you were doing in bed with your boss. She nudged the door gently and closed it behind her before quietly stepping over to his bed. She climbed in and found him on his left side, so she slid an arm around him.
"I knew you couldn't stay away," he said, startling her. She hadn't expected him to be awake.
"I just really missed you," she confessed. He turned to face her, and she pressed closer into him.
"I wanted you to come back," he said quietly.
"Well, here I am," she replied. She accepted his kiss very easily, and he pulled her on top of him, which was new for her. That idea never existed in Roger's mind.
Of course, they kept very quiet, but it was just as intense as the first time. Neither of them stayed awake very long after.
And then the sun was up.
...
Mei was not an idiot. She noticed Luke stayed in his room later than usual, and there was only one reason for that. When he did come out, she could tell he was different.
"What?" he asked, looking at her.
"You seem different," she noted.
"Nope," he shook his head, getting coffee going.
"I lost my phone charger," she said casually, getting up. "Okay if I get yours?" She knew it was in his room by his nightstand. She walked towards his room, and he intercepted quickly. Suspicion most definitely confirmed.
"I got it," he said easily, going down the hall. She watched, knowing full well he had a guest.
Luke shut his door behind him, making Emily look up from the bed at him.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
"Mei knows," he answered.
"What? How?" She sat up quickly.
"Cos she's a genius," he snorted. "Or else my face gave away that I had sex twice last night." She examined him carefully.
"You do kind of look...goofy," she commented. He raised a brow.
"Goofy?"
"Like you're in la la land," she corrected.
"Great," he sighed.
"Luke?" Mei called through the door. "You find it?"
"Yup. Coming," he called back. He went to grab his charger, and Emily buried herself under the blankets as he opened the door and went out.
"Thanks," Mei said, taking it from him.
"No problem."
He went back to his coffee maker, hoping she would let it go.
He should have known her better than that.
"You can come out too, Emily," she called, making Luke freeze. "The gig is up."
"Don't be ridiculous," Luke said loudly. "Emily is not hiding in my bed."
He turned to see Emily standing there with Mei holding her hand out towards her, a triumphant look on her face.
"I think what hurts the most is you felt you couldn't tell me," Mei said, sounding like a parent.
"It's nobody's business," Luke said. "And it stays that way. Got it?"
"Oh, absolutely," Mei nodded. "But Nathan knows you guys make out, so he knew it was only a matter of time."
Luke pressed his lips together, giving her a sharp look. She shrugged.
"Don't make out in public if you don't want to get caught," she suggested.
"Public?" Luke questioned.
"The beach is public," Mei argued. She and Nathan had seen them that day a week or so ago. They had agreed to not bring it up so as to save Luke and Emily the embarrassment of getting caught.
"It's okay," Emily said. "It was going to come out sooner than later."
"This stays between us," Luke warned Mei, who nodded.
"Got it."
Luke walked Emily down the stairs then, and they stopped right before her door.
"Sorry," she said. "I didn't want to make it weird for everyone."
"It's fine. Mei's good at keeping quiet about stuff. I would know," he sighed.
"I'll see you in twenty minutes," Emily said, kissing him lightly before pushing the door open and stepping out. He closed it behind her. She heard Nathan in the kitchen and decided to tell him before Mei did. He was thrilled for her, which she knew he would be. He also agreed to keep it to himself.
Then she went to work and had to pretend all day that she wasn't crazy about Luke and dying to have him in her arms 24/7.
...
Luke could barely focus all day. He stayed away from Emily to avoid having Lucy pick up on anything, not that Lucy was paying much attention to anything that day. He wondered what was going on with her as she kept dropping stuff and bumping into things. She didn't look happy either. He wondered if she'd had a fight with Brent.
"Going to head out early," Lucy called near the end of the day.
"All right," he nodded. She disappeared, and he continued doing what he was doing until Tito dusted off his hands and went out the side door for a smoke. Luke took this opportunity to go out front. He brought is coffee mug just in case he needed an alibi. He found Emily leaning on her elbows, studying the chess board in front of her. Gil was not sitting across from her, so Luke guessed he was using the restroom. He noted that Gil was late coming that day, which was unusual for him. No one else was in there, so he took his chance. He went up behind her and slid a hand under her shirt to rest on her skin, fingers tracing her scar on her abdomen.
"Luke," she gasped, twisting to face him and removing his hand. "Are you trying to get us caught?"
"There is no one here," he pointed out. She looked around. He was right.
"Still," she said. "Anyone could walk in..."
"Then I better go fast," he interrupted, leaning to kiss her and stop her from talking further. He stopped upon hearing shuffling feet and the men's room door shut. He was two steps back from Emily when Gil appeared, clearing his throat.
"You didn't make your move," he noticed, looking at Emily and then at Luke briefly.
"I had to tidy something up first," Emily fibbed. She reached to make her move then, and Gil tapped his fingers together while he thought out his response to it. Luke was plainly ignored. He smiled to himself as he slipped back into the kitchen.
...
From that point on, lunch had changed from sitting on the picnic table to being in her apartment and spending the half hour tangled up in each other. Emily would leave first, and Luke would use the other door in the stairwell to meet her. She was always waiting for him right at the door.
"They're gonna figure it out," she said one day about three weeks later as she traced his chest.
"Oh well."
"Isn't it bad? Sleeping with the boss?"
"Want me to fire you?" he countered.
"No," she said quickly.
"Then don't worry about it," he replied. Contrary to what she thought, he did worry about what the others would say, but he was trying not to care and didn't want to worry her with his worry, as confusing as that seemed.
"Do you remember your family?" she asked him then. It was a little out of left field and took him by surprise. She knew his story. Why was she asking this question?
"No."
"I stopped talking to my family a long time ago," she said, leaning back into the pillows. "Then I went off the radar when everything happened."
Luke said nothing. He did get envious of those who had big families since he'd never had one after being ripped away from his as a child. He understood why she went off the radar, but at the same time, if she had family that loved her, why shut them out?
"So what happens when Mei moves out?" she asked, looking at him. He felt surprised by this question and even more surprised when he realized he'd never thought about it.
"I have no idea," he answered honestly.
"I can't imagine Nathan not being here," Emily said. "The two of us have gone through so much together...being alone just seems wrong almost when he leaves for school, which I know he will."
Luke looked at her now, wondering what that meant. She envisioned herself alone in the future? Then again, they hadn't made a lifelong commitment to each other. Who was to say they didn't break up in a month or less? Were they even "together?" It hadn't been discussed. He wasn't sure what to think or say about it.
"What?" she asked, noticing his face.
"Nothing," he answered quickly. He sat up, noticing the time. He was feeling out of sorts for some reason after this conversation.
"Hey," she said, "you okay?"
"I'm fine," he lied. He pulled his clothes back on and went to the door. Emily was jumping into her pants as she followed him.
"You don't seem fine," she noted. He turned to face her, and she put her hands on his arms. "Is it something I said?"
"It's just me," he said. "Nothing to do with you."
Emily felt a little hurt but didn't say anything. She was trying not to read into it any more than she was.
She walked around to the diner, trying not to think that she may have upset him somehow. Surely he'd tell her if she had?
She walked in just in time to see Lucy lose her footing and crash to the floor. Thankfully, nothing was in her hands to break, but it looked like it hurt her.
"Luce!" Emily cried, dropping onto her knees beside her. "Are you okay?"
"I'm clumsy," Lucy muttered. She helped Lucy up and noticed the dark circles under her eyes. She felt startled. She was so caught up in her own life that she failed to notice how lousy Lucy was looking lately.
"Are you all right?" she asked her. Lucy nodded, not saying anything and going back to her work. Emily caught Luke watching, and even he looked a little concerned but didn't push for answers.
"Lucy?" Emily pressed anyway, following her.
"I said I'm fine," Lucy snapped. "I'm just tired."
"Okay," Emily said, feeling helpless. Now two people were in a dark mood, and she had no idea how to make either of them feel better. Normally, she would run the other way if someone was in a bad mood, but she was trying not to go down that road. She was trying to be Emily in Control and not her old self.
It was hard to do sometimes.