Truce
Viktor and Hermione left shortly after dessert, which Hermione couldn't remember eating. She didn't even know what Harry had served. Her head was spinning with Ron's apology. He had said he wasn't unrepentant. She'd called him that in Spain. Had he been thinking about it since then? Surely not. Why hadn't he said something before?
When they popped back into Viktor's flat, Hermione went straight for the bedroom, intending to get out of her clothes and into the shower. She needed to think and Viktor's presence was making that impossible. Ron had apologized. He'd said he was ashamed. Was shame what had prevented him saying something before? Was that it? She wanted to scream.
"Stop," Viktor said, catching her arm. "Talk to me. What happened tonight? Who came through the Floo? Was it Ron?"
She turned toward him intending to say something flip, to blow him off, to get away, but Viktor's expression was so earnest, she couldn't manage it. "Yes."
"What did he say to you?"
"Nothing." She'd hardly begun to process Ron's words. She certainly wasn't ready to talk to anyone else about them, especially Viktor.
Viktor arched an eyebrow at her. "Really? Because he usually has quite a lot to say when he sees you."
"Not this time. He told Harry he didn't realize he had company. He said he was sorry and left." That was true in the most basic sense.
"You needed another glass of wine and a fag for that?"
Hermione drew in a breath and stood up straight, weighing whether or not to tell him the truth, but then she bottled out. "Of course not."
He frowned at her.
"Have you met me? I just wanted more wine and a fag." She rolled her eyes.
His frown deepened. "You drink too much."
"You gripe too much." She couldn't believe he was getting into all that. Like her drinking mattered in light of everything else, but of course, Viktor didn't know about everything else.
"You need help. There are healers who can help you."
"I don't need help."
"Do not be ridiculous." Viktor took her arm. "Come with me."
She pulled her arm back but he held on. "I'm not going anywhere and you'd be wise to take your hand off me." They glared at each other for a long moment.
He let her go. "You cannot keep doing this."
"Stop it!" She grabbed her cigarettes and went out on to the balcony. Leaning against the railing, she lit a cigarette and stared out into the night. Not for the first time, she contemplated how completely her personal life had derailed. She wished she loved Viktor. She wanted to love him, wanted him to love her. But neither of them had ever professed love for the other. She didn't even know why they were still together. Maybe it was just laziness or guilt, or their mutual enjoyment of a good, hard shag. Likely, it was some combination of all of that. She wasn't sure, but the more she settled into the situation, the more it unnerved her. She wondered if it bothered Viktor too. She thought it must. At the very least, her drinking clearly bothered him. She pulled her hair back over her shoulders and sighed. If she was honest, she probably should cut back on the drinking. She certainly didn't need to go to a healer for that though. Viktor was making a mountain out of molehill.
She stared down at the alley. Ron had apologized, not that he'd been very specific, but he'd said the words. After all this time, she couldn't imagine what had possessed him. More importantly she wondered what it meant. Maybe it didn't mean anything except that he wanted to clear the air. She couldn't help wondering what Ron might've said if Harry hadn't walked in. She snorted softly. She wished she had a galleon for every time Harry had walked in and ruined a moment between her and Ron. She'd be a rich woman. She considered her Gringott's account. She supposed, given the success of some of the spells she'd created, that she was doing quite well financially. Not that it mattered. Her needs were basic and her desires simple. Beyond her daily comfort, piles of gold weren't going to buy her what she really wanted.
The door to the balcony opened and Viktor came out with two cups of tea. He handed her one. "Truce?"
She sighed and took the offered cup. "Truce."
xXx
Ron stood at his bedroom window watching Hermione smoke on Viktor's balcony. The night hid her expression, but her stance seemed contemplative, or maybe that was just wishful thinking on his part. He wondered what she thought of his apology, if it had been enough to start a dialog, a real dialog, between them. He watched as Viktor came out on to the balcony and handed her a cup. He longed for an extendable ear that could tell him what they were saying. He was disappointed a moment later when they hugged each other. He hated the idea of her in Viktor's arms. That it had been almost three years didn't change that it was wrong, just as it was wrong every time he was with another woman. He wondered if she felt that way too. He didn't understand how she couldn't. As he continued watching, Viktor and Hermione kissed. Viktor took her hand and led her back inside, and Ron felt sick. Maybe the apology hadn't been enough or maybe it was just too late or too vague. He wished he knew exactly what he was apologizing for, but that last night remained tantalizingly at the very edge of his memory, leaving him only with the sense that it was bad, very bad, but nothing specific beyond the fact that he'd been drunk. But given how drunk he'd seen her on several occasions since, she could hardly be holding that against him. He sighed and left the window.
xXx
Hermione lay on her back staring at the ceiling. Viktor was deeply asleep next to her, his breathing even and heavy. She looked at him, taking in his chiseled physique and silky black hair. Their relationship wasn't really working anymore and it made her nervous. She sighed and got out of bed. In the kitchen, she poured herself a large whiskey and grabbed her cigarettes from the counter before heading out onto the balcony. Leaning against the railing, she sipped her drink and thought about her situation. In some ways, her life was better than ever. Her Apparition project at work was going swimmingly, and soon she'd be allowed to release it to the public, which would not only revolutionize the way people learned to Apparate, but would also bring her recognition and no small amount of money. She should be thrilled, but instead, she felt gutted.
Strangely, the bond between her and Ron hadn't been tugging at her so hard the last few weeks. Perhaps opening her end had allowed the magic between them to reach a kind of equilibrium. She'd done quite a lot of research on the history of bonds and knew it was possible to maintain one without remaining in a relationship. Possible, but not easy, and yet she and Ron seemed to be managing it. How, she wasn't exactly sure, but she was happy for it nonetheless. She glanced back at the flat. And then there was Viktor and that wasn't working at all anymore, except in the bedroom, but that was starting to make her feel like the sort of woman the tabloids accused her of being. She didn't want to use him just to feel safe. Of course, that had been a big part of what brought them together in the beginning. She'd just been so desperately alone that she'd clung to Viktor to keep from drowning. He'd thrown her a lifeline and she'd happily grabbed it, but then they'd settled into a comfortable companionship. They worked as a couple on a lot of different levels, just not the critical ones. A relationship without love was doomed. She'd known that from the start, but somehow, she thought if she just redoubled her efforts, tried harder to change, that somehow, magically, it would sort itself out. Hard work had saved her before, but her efforts were failing her, and she was failing Viktor. She looked down at the empty glass in her right hand and the lit cigarette in her left. That wasn't who she wanted to be.
xXx
Three days later, Viktor left for Bulgaria to train with the national team. He was both anxious and relieved to be leaving. Hermione was exhausting and things between them had been tense while he had been home. At least in Bulgaria, he could focus on Quidditch. In his downtime, he could visit with Todor and Pietra. Even though he wasn't one to discuss his relationships, he thought they might have some insight into dealing with Hermione's drinking. Pietra could give him another woman's perspective. Maybe that was all he needed, a different perspective.
xXx
Normally, when Viktor wasn't home, Hermione spent most nights sleeping in her rooms at the Ministry, but she hadn't been doing that as much lately. Why Viktor's flat suddenly felt like home, when she and Viktor had never felt more apart, confused her. She'd never warmed to the flat. It was just a place to sleep, but now, particularly on the balcony, she felt more comfortable than she did anywhere else.
She sat sipping coffee and watching the gradual lightening of the sky and contemplated what it would be like if she left Viktor. The idea left a nervous knot in her stomach. She hadn't done well on her own last time. In fact, she'd done horribly. The thought that she might end up back in that dark hole filled her with anxiety, but staying didn't seem like such a great idea either. That was assuming she could stay. She knew she was getting on Viktor's nerves. They argued a lot more than they ever had. Most of that was down to her. She shook her head. On the other hand, since the beginning of their relationship, she'd mostly just gone along with whatever he wanted. Lately, she'd been less inclined to do that, and clearly, it irritated him.
Then, of course, there was his whinging about her drinking. She blew out a slow breath. He wasn't entirely wrong on that front, but his incessant griping about it, didn't help. Perversely, the more he complained, the more she wanted to drink. She felt like he was always telling her what to do and his paternalistic tone grated on her. He was only a few years older than her and yet he acted like he was twenty years her senior. She got enough of that at work without having to listen to it at home as well. She took another sip of coffee and watched the daybreak.
xXx
Viktor had the morning off and was enjoying breakfast with Pietra at her and Todor's home. He'd spent the night, grateful for the break from the hotel and from the city. Todor had already left. He was working on a mural in Prague and had an early Portkey. Pietra poured Viktor some more coffee and sat down at the table across from him. He pushed at the yoghurt on is plate with the back of a spoon and wondered what Hermione was doing. Perhaps she was still sleeping or perhaps she hadn't slept at all. She hadn't written him since he'd been gone, but then, he hadn't written her either.
"Viktor?"
He looked up at Pietra.
"What's wrong?"
He cleared his throat. "Nothing."
"You've barely touched your breakfast and you've been very quiet ever since you got here."
Viktor swirled the spoon through the yoghurt. "I have had a lot on my mind."
"Such as?"
He sighed and set down the spoon. "Things are not going well with Hermione."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
Viktor took a sip of his coffee and leaned back in his chair. "She seems so…distant and she is drinking a lot more than she used to. I know complaining about it does not help, but…" He sighed.
"It's hard to watch and not say anything." Pietra's dark blue eyes held volumes of sympathy.
"Yes."
"I know."
"I know you do. What do I do about it?"
"That depends."
"On what?"
"What you want, and what you can live with, and how much of yourself you're willing to sacrifice for her. I have loved Todor for a long time, and we've been through a lot together, but I left him, because I couldn't live with him. He struggled to get clean, so he could be with me. Is that the kind of relationship you have with Hermione?"
Viktor closed his eyes and sighed. "No."
Pietra reached across the table and squeezed his forearm. "What do you want, Viktor?"
He looked at her. She had pulled her light brown hair back in a loose ponytail, so he could see all the concern wrinkled in her brow. "I want her back the way she was, when we were first together."
Pietra sat back, smiling. "Wasn't she fifteen then?"
He snorted. "I am not talking about that time. I am talking about the beginning of this time."
"What's changed?"
Viktor shook his head. "She has. She just does not seem interested in me or what I am doing."
"Maybe you just need to reconnect, take some time away, but that's not going to change the drinking."
"No, but I do not think I am ready to give up on us entirely."
"Because you love her or because you just can't face dating again?"
Viktor frowned at her.
"You don't have to tell me. As long as you know the answer, that's all that matters."
"She is worth loving."
Pietra smiled at him. "I know that. She saved Todor's life in France last year. I would love her for that alone, but beyond that, I really enjoy her company. She's incredibly smart, thoughtful, easy to be around. And obviously good in a crisis."
Viktor nodded. "All of that is true, except lately, she is not so easy to be around. It is like she is irritated with me, but for what, I do not know."
"Have you asked her?"
"No."
"Perhaps you should."
He let out a non-committal grunt and sipped his coffee.