I would like to start this chapter with an author note. I know, annoying right? I'd like to thank Trotg and CouchWriting (Who is literally the third person to ever review for this fic. We respect them in this household) for dealing with the Guest(s). You two have infinite amounts of patience...honestly, all of you do! Thank you for waiting. And to the guest that weirdly angrily complimented me(?)...thanks? And for the one who cursed at me (I don't know if both guests are the same, i'll assume not) that did not make me want to finish the chapter.
Honestly, this chapter took awhile for me to complete because of personal reasons that I don't really want to share-I know, that sounds like a lame excuse, but really-
I don't know if this'll live up to everyones expectations, but without further ado; onto the long awaited Megalovania chapter!
Frisk's footsteps echoed across the expansive hallway. She looked up, revealing a very familiar skeleton.
"Sans!?" Papyrus exclaimed, "What are you doing there, brother!?"
Sans shrugged, "I dunno. Guess I decided to fight the kiddo." His face is completely neutral. Papyrus frowned, but didn't say anything.
"I guess that makes sense, we don't remember what happened during the rests, the three exceptions being Asriel, Frisk, and Chara." Toriel said.
Chara stared at Sans in curiosity. How does he think he'll be able to avoid the inevitable?
After a moment of silence Papyrus spoke up in an uncharacteristically serious tone, "So we gotta watch you fight the human?" He asked.
"Just like everyone else." Sans answered grimly.
Papyrus' frown deepened, "I don't think i'd like to watch that."
[SANS]
Heya. You've been busy, huh?
"Understatement of the century, Sans." Undyne grumbled.
"You can say that again, Darling." Mettaton said.
"Understatement of-" Undyne started to repeat.
"You don't actually need to repeat it." Chara said, annoyed.
"What are you even doing here, Sans?" Toriel asked.
Sans played dumb, "I dunno." He said, his voice is surprisingly calm for the guy who is about to have his secrets exposed. 'He probably felt the same way I did at the start.' Frisk thought, 'Just a pit of dread.'
"I guess it makes sense. None of us can remember...Except for you three." Toriel said, motioning towards Chara, Asriel, and I.
"Right." Sans said.
"Mhm." Chara hummed. A moment of awkward silence fell over the group.
So I've got a question for ya. Do you think even the worst person can change? That everyone can be a good person if they just try?
"Well of course!" Papyrus chirped, answering the rhetorical question, "Anyone can be great! Nyeheheh!"
"Yeah bro…" Sans said, his eye sockets darkening.
"What type of question was that!?" Undyne said with a toothy smile.
Sans shrugged, suddenly finding his pink slippers more interesting. Papyrus frowned at his weird behavior, but stayed silent nonetheless.
Well, here's a better question. Do you wanna have a bad time?
"Uh...what?" Asgore muttered.
"Yeah! What type of question was that!? A 'bad time'?" Undyne said, her voice loud and boisterous as ever.
He stayed silent.
"I hope you don't mean to fight the kid!" Undyne said, pushing further.
"Brother...If someone great like Undyne, Mettaton, and I myself can't defeat the human then why…?" Papyrus asked, becoming increasingly more anxious by the prospect that Undyne brought to his attention.
...
'Cause, if you take another step forward, you are really not going to like what happens next.
"Sans… Can you please listen to me!?" Papyrus pleaded, his voice growing shakier, "C-cause I know you can't win… because of-um… reasons…. So…"
"Papyrus." Sans said, his voice steely and cold. Just like the one he used with me in the Judgement Hall so long ago; it's a tone I never imagined he'd use for Papyrus. "Stop it." The single command made everyone fall to silence, but not for long.
Welp. Sorry, old lady. This is why I never make promises.
Toriel shifted in her seat, "...Our promise…"
Sans grumbled something under his breath.
It's a beautiful day outside. Birds are singing, flowers are blooming, on days like these, kids like you...
Asgore's head rose in recognition, "Hm? How familiar… Oh! Didn't I say that too?"
Undyne's face scrunched up, deep in thought. "I think you're right! What a weird coincidence…"
"Weird." I repeated.
SHOULD BE BURNING IN HELL!
"Language." Toriel said calmly to the screen.
"WHAT THE HELL!?" Undyne shouted, jumping out of her seat along with the other monsters.
"Language." Toriel repeated.
"S-s-sans…" Alphys stuttered.
"Hm. It's more scary in real life." Asriel observed.
"MORE?!" Undyne shouted.
"Undyne, I recommend you keep your voice down." Toriel said, her soft voice somehow cutting through the commotion.
"Gh...Fine." Undyne relented, still eyeing Sans.
You know, I've been thinking
About you and me
Was this preordained?
Was this meant to be?
"So he is going to fight the human." Mettaton sighed, "I can't see this song lasting long...No offence darling. It is a pretty tune though."
"I wouldn't call it 'pretty'..." Toriel said.
Somewhere deep down, I
Thought that you could change
Fighting means nothing
"I didn't think you were such a pessimist." Asgore said.
"I'm a pessimist when everyone I love is dead." Sans deadpanned.
"...I-" Asgore uttered, surprised by San's dark tone, "Oh…"
But I'll fight anyway!
There's not a bit of good inside
Gaster Blasters formed, shooting all across the room.
"UHMMMM!" Alphys loudly shouted.
"SANS WHAT ARE THOSE!?" Papyrus shouted, "I THOUGHT YOU COULDN'T DO THAT!"
"Gaster Blasters. Ya' know." Sans answered coolly.
"Uh, no we don't know." Mettaton said, "Can you please explain darling?"
"Giant skeletal things. Blast. Boom." Sans said slowly, "Destruction."
"No need to be sarcastic." Toriel scolded, "I am sure Mettaton wasn't talking about that."
Sans shrugged, "Gaster Blasters." he said, as if it explained everything.
"Gaster?" I questioned, somewhat recognising the name.
"He sounds familiar!" Papyrus chirped, "Do we know a Gaster, Sans?"
"No." Sans said, "We don't."
Papyrus' smiling face shifted to one of confusion, "That's weird. I swear that I did- I guess the Great Papyrus' memory is rusty!"
You followed the path of genocide
You're gonna have a bad time
"What a wide range." Mettaton said.
"Range?" Undyne questioned.
"Voice. This Sans is a good singer." Mettaton said, nodding, "Of course, you wouldn't know anything about that."
Undyne's face scrunched up, like she was smelling something sour, "Is that a compliment or an insult?"
Chara patted Undyne on the shoulder, "You poor, poor monster."
"Eh!?" Undyne shouted.
"It is whatever you take it as." Mettaton sighed in disappointment.
Here I stand I must prevail
You're not gonna like what happens next
You step forward, you're gonna get wrecked
"He's so… strong…" Alphys said, suddenly realizing.
"Wait a second…" After a moment of thinking Undyne gasped, "WHAT!?"
"Ah. She finally realized." Mettaton teased.
"Oh shut up you!" Undyne shouted, "Sans! Why are you so fu- freaking- strong!? What the hell!?"
"In your effort to not curse you cursed anyway." Toriel said, shaking her head.
"What the heck!?" Undyne corrected.
"Huh? What were we talking about?" Sans asked.
"Stop acting dumb!" Undyne raged.
"Brother...Uhm...Can you please explain?" Papyrus asked, "I didn't even know you could use the Blasters. I thought that was my special attack.."
"Oh sure." Sans said, ignoring what Papyrus said, "Yeah, I can do the same stuff Paps does."
"This is… This is clearly not the same as Papyrus!" Undyne pointed out.
"..."
"Okay. So maybe I can do slightly more stuff than Paps." Sans said.
"That explains nothing!" Undyne shouted.
Sans shrugged, "Your opinion?"
"Sans, please. You're avoiding all of our questions..um.. I didn't know about this either." Papyrus said.
Sans' eyes darkened.
"I can do magic. Like everyone else here."
"But-"
"Magic."
For everyone I could not protect
"That-you wouldn't have been able to defeat the human anyway." Asgore said.
Sans just laughed at him, "Yeah."
Here and now, I'll end this tale
Jumping all through space and time!
"Space and time?" Chara questioned, "That's an interesting phrase, don't you think?" Sans glared at her before speaking.
Sans sighed, "I find nothing extraordinary 'bout it. It's bone dry of meaning."
"Oh god! He's saying puns again!" Papyrus groaned.
"I don't know whether to be annoyed or relieved." Chara said, "But that phrase definitely should have some meaning. You might be an idiot, but you're not stupid."
"Those are synonyms, my child." Toriel said, going into 'teacher mode'.
"It was a joke. Mom." Chara said with a pouty face.
Following your own design!
Stopping, starting, crossing lines!
"Yeah this definitely has a meaning." Mettaton said, "You are obviously talking about timelines, darling."
"Time whats?" Sans sighed, looking tired of lying.
"..."
"Hm?"
"Are you an idiot!?" Undyne said, "Gosh.. and I'm the one saying it.." Mettaton cackled in the background.
"That's-" Sans tried to argue.
"Why are you playing dumb?" Chara asked, her face contorting into a mysterious smile, "This song is already blowing all of your lies out of the water. Might as well spill instead of looking like an idiot."
"..."
'Til everything ends!
Your determination fell!
"How did you know about that?!" Alphys asked, pushing her glasses up, "We uh… didn't find out about that until now…"
"Admit it-" Chara said in a sing-song voice.
"Oh shut up." Sans said, "You don't get to say anything."
Chara laughed, "Look! I got him out of his 'character'!" She said, "Lying doesn't suit you, Sans….. Well, on second thought, it does."
"Guys, calm down! What-" I said.
Sans glared at me, "Calm down? You want me to calm down!?"
"I-"
"You're the reason this entire timeline has gone to SHIT! It's slowly breaking apart and there is nothing I can do to fix it! Sooner or later the multiverse will collapse and he will come back." Sans shouted, his calm persona slipping every second.
"Multiverse? Wha-" I said.
"Sans!" Papyrus said, "What are you talking about? I'm worried."
"The timelines. I can see them." Sans said.
"I don't understand-"
"I can see them." Sans repeated, "As we've already covered, I can do a lot of things."
. . .
You're filled up with LOVE, I can tell!
"You can-" Alphys said.
"I can see how much pain people inflict." Sans said in a monotone voice, "Then I can give it back. Karmic Retribution."
Toriel looked worried, "You can tell how much LOVE someone has? And-and how many execution points?"
Sans nodded, "That's one of the weird things I can do." He said with a shrug.
"Brother, why did I not know about this!?" Papyrus asked, "I feel like-"
"Not important." Sans said.
"I think it very fucking important!" Undyne growled.
"Language." Toriel muttered.
Undyne sighed, "Can you please not correct me anymore Frisk isn't even-"
Toriel glared at her, "No."
"Sans! With that power you could've gotten into the Royal Guard! You can-" Undyne said.
"Royal Guard-" Papyrus started to say.
"No, I can't." Sans said, "I'm not cool enough."
"You don't need to be cool to get-" Undyne said.
"That was a joke." Sans said, his icy tone cutting through her statement, "I can't join for medical reasons."
"Oh." Undyne said she didn't question him more.
Medical Reasons? What could those be? Out of all the timelines- This has never been brought up.
Sold your soul and came from hell!
Killing your friends!
"Huh?" Asgore said.
"What's wrong?" Chara asked with a mischievous smile.
"How did he know?" Asgore asked, "Hm… Frisk was not friends with us during this RESET. Correct?"
"Odd." Chara said.
"I don't get it." Asriel said.
"Of course you don't." Chara said with a toothy grin.
"Hey! That's mean…" Asriel said.
Chara patted him on the head.
I know there's no point to life
If all of this can be reset
Living day by day, but the next we might forget
"It seems my suspicion has been confirmed." Asgore said, his voice rising over the shocked gasps of the monsters who have figured it out.
"You remember!" Alphys squeaked, "Th-th-the RESETS!"
"Oh." Sans said, "Oh. Oh…"
"Brother! Why- I- How-What-" Papyrus asked, "I don't understand… What-"
"Don't worry 'bout it Paps." Sans said, "It isn't-"
"Yes it is Sans!" Papyrus shouted, "You always hide stuff and say it's not important- It clearly is!"
"Paps-"
"I know you think I'm stupid; but I'm not! I can help you." Papyrus continued, tears stinging his sockets.
Silence.
No point trying to escape
The surface holds no more appeal
Have you ever wondered if you still are real?
"Paps… You aren't stupid." Sans sighed.
"Well, you treat me like I am!" Papyrus said.
Sans' frown deepened, "That's- There are just some stuff you don't need to know. This is one of them."
Papyrus shifted uncomfortably in his seat, "...Why…?"
Silence.
"Why is there stuff I can't know?" Papyrus asked, "Yet you can?"
Sans smiled, "I wasn't supposed to either."
"Then can I-"
"No." Sans said sternly, "All you guys need to know is that I can remember the RESETS. Just like Flowey, or Asriel.. Whatever his name is now. Chara and Frisk."
"I can't imagine-" Toriel said.
"It's fine." Sans said, a large fake smile plastering over his face.
"I wish you just told me…" Papyrus said, "Instead of being forced to."
"I did. Many timelines. It never changed anything." Sans said.
"But did it make you feel better?" Papyrus asked.
Sans' eyes widened, "...Yeah…" He uttered, "But that's… Huh."
I've
Seen what comes next
Paid
My last respects
It's long past time for
Us to end this game
Guess I will fight for
The few that remain
Alphys smiled, recognising the fact that she was one that remained, "Thanks Sans."
"No. I didn't do anything." Sans said, "Don't thank me. I- I didn't do anything."
I will break your will
You keep fighting, still
Hoping for the kill
Here I stand, Here I'll stay!
"How the hell have you survived this long!?" Undyne asked. Toriel huffed, but didn't correct Undyne's language this time. I smiled.
"I'm fast." Sans said with a wink, "Do you really think I'd just let the human hit me? I'll never understand you noble types."
Undyne shook her head, "You can't move well in armor… I didn't even know you could do something like this! This-it's crazy!"
"As a 'One Hit Wonder' I gotta dodge." Sans said, "I don't think it's crazy but-"
"What do you mean?" Undyne asked, "One Hit Wonder?"
"Oh, you don't know?" Sans said.
"Quit beating around the bush!"Undyne shouted.
Sans sighed, "I got one Hp."
"WHAT!?" Undyne shouted, "THAT'S-"
"My medical reason." Sans said with a wink, "Never had to participate in Gym class. It's great."
"Sans…" Papyrus said, "You shouldn't joke around about that!"
Sans smiled, "I think I have all the reason to joke about it."
"Sans… You have one Hp?" Toriel asked rhetorically.
"I also have one defence and attack." Sans said, "I'm weak."
"You are clearly dealing more than just one attack to Frisk." Asgore said, looking at the fight taking place, "This doesn't add up, I'm afraid."
"Karmic Retribution." Sans said, "We talked about it earlier, it's a weird thing I can do. The pain you inflict will be dealt back to you. Neat right?"
Asgore frowned, "I wouldn't exactly call it neat, but… It is useful."
"Eh… It really isn't. Too much responsibility." Sans sighed.
Swing
That thing around
But you know
You're going down
Once, I saw the light
Once, there was no fight
Once, you did what's right
Once, I called you friend
I clenched my fists. "I-" I started to say.
"Stop." Sans said. That made me fall silent again.
I know, somewhere you remember
They said that you could be better
That hope is a dying ember
YOU JUST WANTED TO SEE THIS END!
See how far you can descend!
"His voice. It reminds me of that 'Metal screaming music' that one of my glamorous employees was into." Mettaton said, "I never quite understood them. I would imagine it to hurt."
Toriel nodded, "It does."
Mettaton's eyes widened, "What-You...uh…" He uncharacteristically stuttered, "That's-"
"What?" Toriel questioned. Chara weezed in the background.
Now we can never make amends!
Kill for the sake of play
Deny us light of day
So I stand in your way
GUESS WE'RE DOING THIS THE HARD WAY
You are never gonna smile
You are heartless, you are vile
Well, goodbye then, fallen child
Know you never had a prayer
You are never gonna make it
Your will, I am gonna break it!
I will not stand there and take it
I can't afford not to care
"This isn't what I meant when I told you to stop being lazy…." Papyrus said.
Sans laughed, "You gotta start somewhere."
"This isn't a good start either." Toriel added, "Normally you start slowly.."
I gave up hope long ago
Not much point in dreams, you know?
"What!?" Undyne said, "You gotta be kidding me-right?!"
Sans' eyes darkened, "I am kidding most of the time; I wish I was this time."
"Oh dear.. Is this why you are lazy in the first place?" Toriel asked, "Because you gave up?"
Sans eyed Papyrus, "No. I was always like this." He lied. After all the RESETS, I could always notice when he did.
"Yeah...you were." Papyrus said, his voice filled with an out of character uncertainty.
Toriel's soft eyes looked down at her hands which laid on her lap, "Alright then."
When they stopped, we started the show
Once upon a time
Now we stand here, face to face
Defiling this sacred place
I will not let you erase
All space and time!
"It seems I underestimated the weight of this fight…" Asgore said.
Sans chuckled, "The main goal was to get them to stop RESETING over and over. I figured if I kept them stuck in one spot without progressing… they'd give up. Normal people would… but Frisk isn't very normal."
"I see." Asgore said, nodding, "But you did know that they're very determined. Right?"
"Well the most determined thing to do in that situation was give up right? To finally make progress?" Sans said, "But… the kiddo just… wouldn't get the memo."
"There was a time I did stop, but you killed me anyways." I said.
"That was different." Sans said.
Toriel frowned, "That doesn't sound different. My child...You spared him?" Toriel asked.
"Yeah… He then held his arms out for a hug… but when I went towards him...He stabbed me." I said, recounting the story.
Chara snorted, "Multiple times… I think you are underplaying the whole.. 'Stabbing' thing."
"Sans… Your plan worked...why?" Toriel asked.
"If they really wanted to spare me; the kiddo wouldn't have come back." Sans said in a dark tone.
"But… then you'd be alone!" Papyrus exclaimed, "Wouldn't it be better for you to convince the human to bring us back!?"
"So they can kill you again?" Sans said in an angry tone, "Like hell i'd do that."
"I wouldn't have-" I said.
"You say that now… but I'm sure it's not going to be too long until another RESET and another timeline after you realized how inconvenient it is to have everyone know that you killed them without any hesitation!" Sans said, his words biting my skin.
"I won't RESET again! I promised!" I shouted.
"And promises last forever! No matter what you win, Frisk… So I guess I'll give up. Again." Sans said, flipping his hood to cover his head.
"I don't always win." I muttered, "What does that really mean anyway..?"
"It means you always win." Chara repeated, "Which, technically, you do."
"I don't." I said.
I hate making promises
I know that the ending's the same
Every single time you reset, fight again
"That's probably very tiring." Undyne observed, "Even when I'm at my most energetic I can only fight for so long. And you… You're still going and you're like… well… you!"
"Thanks." Sans said.
Undyne looked flustered, "Well… I meant that-uh… I train everyday to have stamina. You don't. Along with the fact that you're always tired-"
Sans nodded, "Yeah. Makes sense."
Take it from me kid
It's time to stop this child's play
TIME YOU LEARN TO STOP
Learned that day is today
Why do you still fight?
Do you think you're right?
"Just determination." Chara chirped, "Or maybe…"
"Chara.. For the last time…" I sighed.
"Don't make any excuses." Chara said, her voice lowering.
I looked down at my shoes, "I didn't- I wasn't going to make an excuse." I said.
"Sure." Chara said bitterly.
No more bloodshed and
No more violence
At the end of the day
There's just silence
"That's-sad." Undyne said.
Toriel nodded, "Living in silence is not fun. But at least in the Ruins I had Froggits and Whimsums walking around. Oh! And that funny ghost as well."
"Napstablook." Mettaton said with a sigh, "My cousin. We were going to do our first show together tonight… it feels like it has already passed…"
"This really is messing up all of our schedules." Toriel said, shaking her head like a disapproving mother, "I am not a fan of this…disorganization. Whoever put us here is going to have a stern talking to."
"I feel like this is the least of our worries, mom." Asriel deadpanned.
You made your mistakes
Simply feeding your mania
But now hell awaits
WHEN I STOP MEGALOVANIA!
So
Long, child of man
Tell
Them hi from Sans
"Them?" Alphys questioned, "Wh-who's them?"
Sans shrugged, "The surface, people in the afterlife. Who knows."
"You literally said it." Undyne deadpanned.
"Technically, I didn't." Sans said, "It just has a double meaning."
You're not gonna like what happens next
You step forward, you're gonna get wrecked
For everyone I could not protect
Here I stand, I must prevail
I'm not going to turn tail
Time to stop this bloody trail!
HERE AND NOW I'LL END THIS TALE!
"He stopped." Asriel said, "I never saw this fight in full so-."
"God damn it! He got tired…" Undyne growled.
"It was only a matter of time." Sans said calmly.
Toriel looked at Sans in worry, "How are you so calm? Seeing yourself die isn't exactly...pleasant."
Sans laughed, "I have died so many times in so many RESETS. It hardly phases me anymore…. This is actually better, cause I don't feel it."
"I-I see…" Toriel said, her worried look not going away.
Heh, didja really think you would be able to-
UGH!
"God dammit!" Undyne repeated.
Everyone looked away, their faces etched with despair.
A large cut covered his torso. A red substance, which looks like blood, leaked out.
Papyrus covered his eyes. He winced at the sound of the knife cutting through bone, as if it hurt him instead of Sans, He then lowered his gloved hands.
"Blood?" Papyrus questioned, "What- I… Sans? Uh-"
"What!?" Sans said, looking surprised for the...first time, "I don't remember that-"
Chara frowned, "I remember you bleeding." That's-odd.
"I do to…" I said, "But I always thought it was weird that a skeleton could bleed.
So... Guess that's it, huh? Just don't say I didn't warn you... Welp, I'm going to Grillby's... Papyrus? Do you want anything?...
He started to walk off screen, dust breaking off his skin.
Papyrus sniffled, his eye sockets slowly filling up with tears, "I think… we should go to Grillby's after this…" He said.
"But you hate-." Sans started to say.
Papyrus frowned, "I think I'll try it again… just to see. Grillby's isn't that bad."
Sans smiled, "Thanks, Paps."
"AGH!" Undyne shouted, bursting into tears, "This is so HEARTWARMING! GET OVER HERE YOU PUNKS!"
"Uh… no?" Sans said.
Chara rolled her eyes, "Drama queen."
"Did someone say my name!?" Mettaton said.
"But your name is Mettaton-" Asriel said, confused.
Chara patted the confused goat on the head, "Don't worry, even though you are an idiot; we still love you."
"Eh!?" Asriel shouted, "Who're you calling an idiot!?"
"You're becoming less and less like Flowey everyday." Chara continued, "Less spikey. Less mean. And, unfortunately, less smart."
Asriel pouted, "I don't know whether that is a compliment or not… you're weird Chara."
"Take it as a compliment." Chara said.
Toriel looked confused by her children's conversation, but moved on nonetheless, "Well, this song was...interesting…"
Sans sighed, "I guess me hiding will do more harm than good."
"So you're going to tell us what's going on!?" Papyrus said excitedly.
"Yeah Paps. No more lies." He responded with a wink, "But we should, uh, maybe watch what's happening?"
"Huh?" I questioned.
Frisk looked at Sans, which was now a dusty pile.
"He lost." Chara said in a low voice, "GREAT! Just great…" She looked away. She tried to hide her not so subtle sniffles as tears slid down her rosy cheeks.
"I won." I- the human said, gripping her knife tightly in her hand.
"Are you happy now? You got to the end. There is nothing beyond this point." Chara shouted, "Just RESET! Nothing else will happen."
"Nothing? I don't-" The human said, then they opened their eyes. Nothing but white. "I don't think this is the end."
"No one is left, Frisk!" Chara shouted, stomping her foot on the tiled ground. She jumped in surprise at the fact that it made a noise.
The human smiled, "It worked Chara. It really did."
"No it didn't!" Chara said, "Nothing works! Everything is broken! This-" She stomped her foot again "-This is just another broken thing on top of it all!"
The human looked at her in confusion, "Broken?-But it worked?"
"Ghh! It wasn't supposed to work!" Chara cried in frustration, "The RESETS, your power, it isn't supposed to-AGH! You aren't even listening.." She fumed.
"I'm not. Something just confuses me." The human said.
"I'm not answering." Chara pouted, "Not like I used to…"
"You don't need to." The human said with a smile, "I have a feeling you'd react anyway."
"Eh?" Chara grunted, tapping her foot impatiently.
"What is a Frisk? And.. why are you calling me that?" The human asked.
Chara's face went pale, "What?"
Welcome to the Author note!
Hello, my dear readers. I honestly don't know how I feel about this chapter- I kinda wanted to re-do it… but I didn't want to keep you all waiting so… Here it is!
There are two songs left! 'But Nobody Came' and the much requested 'Darker yet Darker'
I hope you enjoyed this chapter!
As a side note uhhhhhh- I just realized that this document (on my end) is TWENTY FIVE PAGES LONG! Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-