Hope everyone is safe, stays healthy! Here it is mess, praying they will get it under control soon.
I do not own any rights to the vampire academy… They belong to Richelle Mead
My Grammar may not be perfect but hopefully, you will like the story!
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Chapter 14 Paging Doctor Belikov, It Is Now Or Never
DPOV
When she said or more demanded to be left alone a big part of me struggled to comply. For too long she has been dealing with this by herself. Set back after set back pushed her further to point of despair. In her mind she no longer sees a positive outcome, I will not, NO I refuse to let that happen. Never understood why families took away the decisions of the patient to have an operation. Declaring them unfit to decide what is good for them. Ironically now I do, already I am trying to find that one loophole that will give me full authorization. I can simply log into the system changing her medical information. Or have Ivan do it for me, only this might make her hate me when she finds out. That something I desperately don't want but is it my only option?
My heart thinks it is a great idea, even though I am tired my brain still objects. It wants me to think about it, creating a nagging voice in my head. Like having a devil and an angel on my shoulders both tempting me. Both are in an agreement over one thing, my Roza needs to.. 'I know what you are thinking' turning to the owner of the voice I am annoyed. Clenching my fist I prepare to punch him in the face what I hope results in a broken nose. What a satisfying sound it will be hearing it crunch from my fist connecting with it. Whatever patience's I had is gone. The ever so stoic doctor Belikov had enough. His arrogancy will know exactly what I think of him. Nothing but a spoiled little shit that has have everything handed to him. My lips curl up in a sneer, shall I scare him first? Or straight away introduce him to my left then my right.
However, that whole image of me giving him a new look disappears when I see his face. A broken man stands before me that has tears rolling down his cheeks. I might be an asshole sometimes but I am not insensitive. Guess that makes me be less like dear old dad. He wouldn't have cared how another person pleaded to have mercy on them. Shattered seeking comfort when then no longer can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Instead, he just uses it against them to prove what kind of monster he is. Don't know why this makes me feel better especially at a time as emotional as this.
Or is it that I always considered Adrian to be just like his father. Someone I have never seen or even called uncle. Times like these bring out the worst or best in people. Their true colors shine through no matter what mask they wear. Cracks slowly appear when a crucial moment is reached. Standing beside you to help you pull through or distance themselves from you. Almost as if the tears you are crying are contagious. Sighing I rub my face 'Enlighten me cousin, what is it I am about to do?' he cracks a sad smile. 'Acting like a true caveman, handling it the way you shouldn't. Demand things that might bite you in the ass later. Especially if you want to woo our lovely Rose.' Growling I glare at him as he is emphasizing the last part.
Telling myself not to react is very difficult when you are tired as hell. Had one hell of a day, fighting for the love of my life. While she is alone in there by herself possibly thinking about not having an important surgery. Sighing I rub my tired eyes trying to understand his need for humor. Then again this is Adrian, he is doing his best to cope with a difficult situation. Do I threaten to cut off his testicles or imagine slapping him? Be better than that Dimitri… On the count of 1,2,3,4,5,… SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK! 'Do I want to know why you are smiling?' aaaaand back to reality 'Nyet' nodding he gestures to follow him.
Seen too many rooms inside this clinic, this one, however, yeah I don't tend to visit this area. Lighting a cigarette he inhales deeply then puffs out the smoke making me cough. Raising my eyebrow in a way of asking if that was really necessary he shrugs his shoulders. 'She is really something like a whirlwind Rose enters your life making you doubt even your own principles. Speaking her mind not letting other people hurt the ones she loves the most. If you are one of them you are lucky to have a protector like her. A fool when you let her go..' wincing it feels like a stab. Correction it is one. Whatever reason I try to come with I can't justify my own foolishness. It was better this way.. yeah not going to cut it or make it better. I wasn't in a good place at the time, that is just another way of saying I don't want to admit my weaknesses. Baring my soul afraid it will make you think less of me.
Communication is the key to a successful relationship my old mentor said. He of course explained this so we knew how to interact with a patient. 'If they don't trust you then will tend to withhold information that could have been to key to diagnosing them.' Wise words from a man I respected at the same time I despised the asshole. In a serious relationship, if your behavior is hurting your loved one then they should be able to tell you.
Sniffing a few times the cigarette he is holding starts to shake.'When she left me I hated her, I wished that all kinds would happen to her. I regret one more than the other.' Swallowing loud his jaw is trembling ' Being extremely bitter I wanted her heart to break beyond repair. Got my wish didn't I?' the haunted look in his eyes I will never forget. Eyes once so green are now hollow like they lost their sparkle. All the hurt, guilt has come to a point he can no longer hide it. 'So if you think that what you did was worse, you are wrong.' His body slumped against the wall like a sack of potatoes he looks defeated. He loves his wife that is certain, his child means the world to him. But this is something that scars you on the inside. Regret, he is blaming himself that this happened to her. A deal with the devil he never intended to make.
So I do the one thing that is not very Dimitri like, I hug him. Offering him support, letting him cling on to me as he is crying. Pretty sure I will have a few snot stains on my "new" t-shirt. Once he is calmed down a little I offer him the candy bar I still have in my pocket. Not going to live this down but he clearly needs to hear this. He might be an arrogant ass, even Adrian doesn't deserve to feel this way. Clearing my throat a few times the words trying to come out of my mouth make me uncomfortable. 'If you ever repeat a word of what I say I will hunt you down Ivashkov!' Rubbing underneath his nose a few times with the back of his hand he nods 'When we were younger I envied you for always being able to succeed without trying. The golden boy of the family no matter what he did.' Rolling my eyes dramatically I see the corner of his mouth twitch a little. My opinion of him changed quickly when the years went by only that isn't what is important right now.
Has he changed again for the better? Answer tot that is most likely yes, however, I can't stop the feeling he also still hurt regardless of what she did. The past stays in the past when we allow the future to become a chance for redemption. Big words coming from a man that couldn't forgive himself for the mistake he made. Or was it really one? Poor little girl had all the cards decked against her. There are two ways this can go, I either accept her death isn't my fault or continue to wallow. Last one will cause me to lose my other half. It shouldn't even be an option anymore. Enough is enough, this is my chance to prove I am a better man. 'What I am trying to say is, we all do things we regret, doesn't mean we can't make it right. If you ever need…' My tongue feels thicker as I try to say the words. Like it is refusing to let me say more. That it will only make the situation more awkward.
'Is this your way of saying you actually love me cousin?' Groaning I without a doubt regret every single word I said, ok maybe only the last part. Blame it on getting lost in the moment. Or because I am tired, slowly beginning to hallucinate. That has to be the one why else would I tell him all of this. His face changes, still grieve stricken, only he seemed to have made up his mind. A mission he has given himself as he is nodding lost in his own thoughts. Before I have a chance to say anything else he plants a wet snotty kiss on my lips. YEBAT! Mortified I stand there with my mouth open like an idiot. 'LOVE YOU TOO!' then with haste he sprints back into the hallway. 'ADRIAN IVASHKOV I AM GOING TO..!' Before I can finish that sentence with kill or brutally murder I am faced by my sister holding Zoya. Putting up a fake smile I bite my tongue. She is frowning for a few seconds then a smell enters my nose making me gag a little. Not a care in the world my little niece smiles brightly 'I did a poopy'. Laughing I feel some of the tension falling from my shoulders. Pointing her in the direction of the closest bathroom I continue to walk back. Yeah, not dealing with that right now, Karo can perfectly do this by herself.
Reaching her room ready to put an end to the silent treatment Babushka stops me. Softly I hear Adrian talk to Rose not caring if she is looking at him. That is the moment I know I am wrong about one thing, he isn't his father. Nor is he the person he was back then, his wife changed him for the better. At the same time as Rose I wince, I can feel her pain in my own heart. Wanting to reach out to give hers comfort although knowing very well she needs to hear what he has to say. It is clear he still loves her, as she loves him, strange enough it doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would. Theirs is in the past ours is the future if she lets me.
Drained Adrian leaves without saying anything else. Do I go in now? Or do I wait? 'Dimitri? Are you still there? Please I… I need you.. I can't do this without..' my heart beats a little faster as she is calling out to me. Trying to move my grandmother's hand is still stopping me making me huff. Glaring at her she gives me one of those looks that terrified me when I was little. 'I am scared, I don't want to be alone anymore. It was easier to think that no one would miss me. Accepting death sounded like the most logical thing to do you know. Losing my parents, the guilt I carried with me all these years. That somehow it was my fault they died. But it isn't, things happen, don't they? Will never understand why though…'
It is killing me to wait, stand so close yet feel like I am miles away. Grunting my fingers itch to push her out of the way. The elderly woman I always respected now is more like a torn in my side. 'Of course, I was angry, you hurt me… Broke my heart into a million pieces. Talking to your mother I understand why you did it now. Still expect to receive a big box of chocolates every day until I think you really made it up to me.' Swallowing loud she lets out a soft chuckle. She might be joking, however I will make sure to do exactly that. Most expensive ones in whatever flavor she desires with the craziest fillings. 'Help me fight cause by myself I won't be able to face it.' I realize the pressure on my chest is gone nothing is holding me back.
Shaking I step forward right away seeing her eyes searching for me. Rose her bottom lip is wobbling, eyes are puffy. Not hesitating I lift her up a little then put her in my lap gently. Holding her I kiss the top of her head rocking her back and forth. Whispering words in Russian, each of them telling her how I feel. Promising her forever, to never let her go, hold her hand at every appointment. Nothing can cure Ebstein the difference is now that she will get proper treatment. Together we will face whatever challenge life throws at us. Starting with her kidney failure 'My Roza, my Roza, Every day I will make it my mission to show how much I love you. What is in the past I cannot change, once I was a fool believing I didn't deserve to have you. That is a burden I will always carry with me. Hurting you is my biggest mistake, one I hope to have your heart completely.'