The show for the rent
Bucky's trying to figure himself out. Ellie is still pissed. Meanwhile, they're still $300 short on rent.
Ellie woke up, her face feeling weird and tight after all the tears she'd cried as she fell asleep the night before.
Damn Bucky Barnes.
He'd spent so many years sheepdogging, chasing away assholes to protect her from them- why couldn't he have saved her from his -fucking- self?
Ellie rubbed her eyes, trying to stop herself from crying again.
She was so stupid.
She had fallen into the age old trap of falling for her best friend.
She wondered how long it had been that way, but she didn't have any idea. She hadn't even realized that things had changed until Bucky was staring at her blankly, trying to think of something to say to explain why he'd grabbed her.
She'd known then that she was in love with him, waiting for an answer, hoping, praying, that he would say the only thing she wanted to hear, the only sentence that would make it better; I love you.
She was stupid to hope.
Why would he ever want to be with someone like her?
They had been friends for so long; nothing more had ever grown, because nothing could grow.
He could never like her that way.
He could have any woman he wanted, he didn't have to settle for someone like her.
Ellie shook her head again, this time harder, wanting to clear the thoughts from it.
She needed to get out for a bit.
.
Bucky stared at the wall, his eyes only blinking when they got too dry.
He was full of confused thoughts.
He cared for Ellie, because they were friends.
He cared for her more than a regular friend, but it had to be because they were more than friends; they were best friends. They had a history together stretching years back, they knew more about each other than anyone else, except for him and Steve.
But did he love her? As something more than a friend? Was he in love with her?
The thought seemed ridiculous; they'd always been this close, it was just how they were. As friends.
That's what they were, that's what they had always been; friends!
He couldn't possibly like her more than a friend now, because this is how much he'd always liked her.
The excessive desire to have sex with her was new, but he'd always thought she was pretty…
It wasn't like he'd ever hit on her, he stopped assholes from doing that, he didn't want to be disrespectful and rude, but he knew she was pretty.
He missed her… missed her so much…
He just wanted to hold her close in his arms and know that everything would be ok, something that they had always done, as friends.
Because they were friends.
They were friends, and that's all they'd ever been!
And then he'd gone and fucked everything up.
He had fucked it up, and had no idea of how to fix it…
He needed to fix it…
He needed her back…
.
Ellie walked into the apartment building, glad to not be sitting in her car anymore.
She had been driving around aimlessly, trying to deal with her stupid feelings, push them away, ruin them, whatever she could so she didn't feel like this about her friend anymore.
She'd been gone most of the day, and she hoped that it was late enough that, even if Bucky didn't have the decency to stay in his room, he would be in bed, or maybe had gone out for dinner or something.
But, as she looked toward the mailboxes, there he was, talking to the same neighbor as always.
Her hackles raised, fire burning in her belly and through her veins.
Fuck him!
Fuck him and his amazing sexual ability!
Fuck him and the horse he rode in on!
His motorcycle, that would be his motorcycle…
Fuck him and his motorcycle!
Fuck! Him!
She knew that she was probably overreacting because she was mad, but she was so mad. It would pass, but she needed time for it to pass, time without him in the way to hinder her progress.
Ellie tried to get past them without drawing his attention, but she hadn't even reached them when Bucky saw her.
"Ellie!" He started toward her, worry in his eyes.
"Get away from me," she growled at him.
"Ellie- I was worried-" he cut off at her overzealous scoff.
"Fuck you, you were worried!" She snapped. "Get the fuck away from me!"
Bucky looked at her in confusion at the way she was acting, pain growing in his heart.
The only time he had heard her sound like that before, ever, was when they went to the bar and she had gotten slapped on her ass by a drunk guy that wouldn't leave her alone, who he had then punched.
She had been so angry then.
"Ellie," he started softly, putting his hands up to show her he meant no harm.
"I, um, I'm going to leave you guys to it," Dianna softly whispered to him, edging away from them and leaving.
"Ellie, please," he murmured.
She brushed past him, heading up the stairs.
Bucky followed her quietly, knowing that she needed some time to calm down.
When they got to their apartment, Ellie slammed the door in his face, locking it before he could get it open.
"Damn it," he muttered, reaching for his keys.
The sooner they talked, the better.
.
Bucky started to feel nervous.
It had been an hour since Ellie had gotten home, and he hadn't seen her in all that time. Not even to eat anything, and he didn't know if she'd had anything earlier.
Finally, she opened her door and walked out of her room, quickly going into the bathroom.
Bucky went to the door and knocked.
"Give me a minute, God, I haven't even pulled my pants down, yet," she told him.
"Sorry," he told her. "But… Ellie, we need to talk…"
"We're talking now," she snipped, "and you're still not saying anything that I want to hear."
"Ellie, I don't know how many times I can tell you that I'm sorry," he told her through the door.
"I don't want to hear your bullshit sorrys," she snapped.
The toilet flushed, the sink turned on and off, and a moment later, she opened the door.
"Ellie…" The way he said her name was so soft, almost reverent.
"Excuse me," she said flatly, trying to go past him.
"Ellie," he pleaded, trying to catch her eyes, needing to see her face, needing to hold her, wanting to kiss her…
He could feel his chin trembling as he swallowed, his jaw clenching.
"Excuse me!" She said louder, pushing her way past him.
"Ellie, please!" He begged. She slammed her bedroom door and he leaned against it. "Ellie, please! Please come back out here so we can talk!"
He clenched his jaw as his eyes searched for answers all around him. He knew that they weren't there, though; they hadn't been there all day, why would they be there now?
He went to his room and set up the cameras, hoping that she'd come out for the show. If she did, he would at least be able to talk to her.
He heard Ellie's door open a little while later, and he jumped from where he'd been setting up the website and streaming, hurrying to the front room in time to see her walking toward him, nearing the doorway to the kitchen.
"Ellie-" he paused, looking over her pajamas. "Is that what you're going to wear for the show?"
She looked up at him, her eyes narrowing. "The show?"
"Y-yeah, it's Thursday, and we planned for the show…" he was choking on his words, not wanting to push her, but it was the only thing he had, the only thing that he could use to get her to stay out of her room so they had a chance to talk about what had happened. "We- we should talk first," he told her, but she leveled a harsh gaze at him.
"Right. Yes. Let me go get ready for the show," she murmured darkly.
Bucky waited there for her, trying to figure out what he was going to say, and straightened to attention when she opened the door.
She was all made up, with those big, bright eyes and bold lips that seemed to be the style, and-
God, she was wearing that sexy, tight black dress again.
His mind flashed to the last time, and he wondered if she was wearing panties this time. He had to swallow to try to get moisture back into his mouth, and he could feel his cock starting to stir and stiffen in his pants as he looked down her body.
"Fuck me," he breathed in awe.
She was wearing a pair of the sexiest shoes he'd ever seen- he believed he'd heard Nat referring them as "fuck me heels" when she'd forced Ellie to get them.
Accurate.
Ellie walked toward him, turning and going through the kitchen.
"W-wait," he called, following her as she grabbed her keys on the way to the door. "Wait, Ellie, where are you going?"
"Out."
Bucky followed her as she walked, staying next to her in case she tripped in the sexy, but ridiculous, shoes.
"Ellie, please, come back upstairs, we can talk about it, we need to talk about it," he told her.
"Don't remember you having much to say, other than 'uh,' and 'let me explain,' but you couldn't," she told him.
Bucky tried to change tactics, grasping desperately for something to make her to stay. "Ellie, come on- look, we can talk about it, but- Ellie, we still need to make rent-"
"Bucky, why don't you go fuck the neighbor lady," she told him.
"Who, Dianna?" Bucky asked after a moment, then shook his head in confusion of what that had to do with anything.
"Ohhh, it's Dianna," she enunciated rudely.
"No, Ellie. Look, we're only three hundred short- You can do it by yourself if you want to, I'll stay out of the room! Whatever you want me to do!"
She suddenly stopped, and looked at him where he'd stopped a stair or two lower. "I want you to fuck off."
"Ellie," he chided.
"Bucky, fuck off," she told him directly, looking into his eyes. Her heart throbbed, feeling like it had been stabbed when he cupped her jaw.
"Ellie," he murmured softly.
'Be strong,' she reminded herself. 'Be strong. Don't let him use you.' "Don't touch me," she snapped. He pulled his hand back, and she continued down the stairs.
They made it to the next flight, and she stopped again. "You missed your floor," she told him.
"What?" He asked in confusion.
"You missed your floor. The neighbor, Dianna, you said? She lives on the floor above this one."
"Ellie-"
"So turn around, go back up there," she shooed him.
"I don't want to," he told her.
"You don't want to?" She demanded incredulously. "Weren't you flirting with her a couple of hours ago?"
"That's no-"
"The day after you tried to get in my pants?" She asked pointedly.
"Ellie-"
"So let me see," she was angry, and it showed through the overly thoughtful expression she put on. "You're horny. There she is." She raised her hands as though she had just come up with a solution. "Hm. Go get her. If you're so worried about the rent, why don't you just go fuck Dianna on camera?" She told him nastily, storming away as well as she could in those shoes and leaving him there, flabbergasted.
Bucky was torn.
He wanted to go after her.
He wanted to drag her stubborn ass back and kiss her senseless.
He wanted to feel her against him, hold her in his arms as she told him that everything would be alright.
He wanted to be buried balls deep, hearing her cries of ecstasy meld with his own like the yelling, the fight- none of it- had ever happened.
He wanted to yell and shout his anger at the situation to the ceiling.
He wanted to cry.
But he needed to make sure she had a home to come back to, because if they didn't make the rent and got kicked out, he was sure she would leave, and make sure she never saw him again.
He'd never be able to survive that.
He started up the stairs, pausing at the landing below theirs. He took a breath, feeling himself filling with frustration.
God damn it!
Why couldn't he just say something to fix this? Why couldn't he figure out what the fuck he could say that would?!
Bucky growled, then punched the wall with a grunt. "Fuck," he hissed as he turned and shook his hand out, his left hand holding and rubbing the hurt knuckles.
He opened his eyes, seeing down the hall, all the doors of the apartments.
He felt like he needed to talk to someone; he needed to figure his shit out.
Dianna was on this floor, she was friendly, he might be able to talk to her about it… but he really needed to go up and get something going for the show; it was supposed to be in half an hour. He didn't know what he was going to do with no partner to do the show…
"Why don't you just go fuck Dianna on camera?" Ellie's voice rang in his head.
"Fuck." Bucky ran his hands through his hair and tugged at it. He wanted to talk to someone. He needed to talk to someone. "Fuck," he sighed, looking down the hall again. He needed to do something for the show. "Fuck," he cursed, looking at the stairs to his floor.
He needed to do something right now.