Big Brother: South Park Edition

Week 5 – "The Week Where Someone Sinks a Ship" (Part 2)

Later that morning, Bebe is sitting on her bed, staring at her wildly-pacing best friend, the constant movement making the blonde's head spin. Bebe groans as she rubs her aching temples, hoping to soothe her bestie and tackle this problem before she vomits from the dizziness. "So, let me get this straight," Bebe begins, Wendy abruptly stopping in place at the sound of her voice, "you kissed Kyle twice and you still haven't established what you guys are?" she asks with an accusatory tone.

Wendy sighs, her back to her friend, rubbing her tired eyes as she mulls this over, "It's complicated, Bebe."

"What's complicated about it?" Bebe wonders, this conversation genuinely piquing her interest.

"Stan…Douchebag…" Wendy lists, turning slightly towards the bed.

"Ah," Bebe nods, "so you want to date him exclusively?"

Wendy blinks twice, the question catching her off-guard as she blushes deeply, snapping her head around to face her. "I never said that."

"Well, then what's the problem?"

"I just-I don't know, okay?" Wendy confesses, plopping down on the bed beside Bebe, "I guess I'm just worried that this isn't the best time to chase these feelings and jump into something new…especially for him. I mean, Douchebag just left a few days ago. He's probably still mourning that loss. I doubt he would want to have anything to do with me."

"Don't you think you should let Kyle make that decision for himself? It is his life," Bebe replies, placing a consoling hand on her bestie's forearm, "Besides Wendy, you're a total catch. Don't sell yourself short. Any guy would be lucky to have you."

Wendy turns to her friend, a small smile forming on her lips, "Thanks, Bebe," she sniffs, "And maybe you're right. Maybe I should just step back, give him space, and let him decide what he wants before I start jumping to conclusions. The last thing I want is to doom this relationship before it even begins," she states, Bebe nodding in agreement beside her.

…

Meanwhile, Kyle is standing in the HOH room, pacing back and forth in front of the dresser, stopping every few seconds or so to glance anxiously down at the letter sprawled on top of it. Finally, after pacing so much that he feels physically nauseous, Kyle grabs the envelope and tears it open. He stops, taking a big, deep breath before he unfolds the piece of the paper. Kyle sighs as he stares down at the sheet, silently reading its content.

"Ahem!" Token voices over the loudspeaker, the interruption causing Kyle's heart to jump in his chest.

"Oh God! Dude, what the hell?!" Kyle cries, jolting in place and putting his hand over his frantically-beating chest.

Token sighs and rolls his eyes off-camera, "Our cameras can't zoom in that far, Kyle. You need to read the letter out loud for the viewers."

"But Stan said he doesn't want me to-"

"And didn't Stan also say that he would never cheat on you?" Token reminds him, Kyle's face falling immediately at this response, "Sorry, that wound is still fresh, isn't it?"

"Yes," Kyle hisses, shooting the host a well-deserved glare.

"Perfect. Well, just read everything after that line, dork," Token states, quickly hopping off the loudspeaker before Kyle can voice another retort.

Kyle sighs and rolls his eyes, inching closer to the nearest camera. He folds the piece of paper over, revealing all the words that are written after Stan's plead to keep its contents a secret from the others. Kyle sharply exhales as he continues, whispering into the camera, "'Kyle,'" the redhead reads, "'I know we didn't leave on the best of terms, but being stuck in the jury house gives you a lot of time to think about your life and the decisions you've made both here and in the outside world. I always knew deep down that I was selfish, and being here has definitely confirmed this fear. I'm sorry that I hurt you, but I just want you to know that I know it wasn't your fault. I could beg and plead for you to come back and make you a bunch of empty promises, but I know it would be a lost cause and you deserve better, and better is not me. It's like Chef always said, 'it's up to you to decide who your heart goes to,' and I knew going into our relationship that I would never earn that honor. I have theories as to why that is, but again, I don't want to force my beliefs and make the decision for you. This is something you're going to have to figure out on your own,'" Kyle reads, pulling back slightly at his analytical confession, "But enough about us, let's talk about you. I'm so proud that you are still in the game, and I hope my eviction speech didn't hurt your chances at winning. I really think you can do this. This game was made for you. Now show us what you got! Don't forget to keep your head up. And remember, there's nothing stronger than a bond between a couple. But know that no matter what happens, you will always be my super best friend. Best of luck, Stan,'" he finishes. Kyle folds up the letter, sniffing lightly as he slips it back into its envelope, "And that's it," he states to the cameras, "He didn't write any more."

Kyle stands in silence, staring deeply at the carpet as he mulls over all that Stan wrote, one line in particular standing out above the rest. Kyle sighs as he pulls the letter back out from the envelope and rereads the puzzling statement, "'And remember, there's nothing stronger than a bond between a couple.' – That's such an awkwardly-placed sentence. Why did he underline that?" he wonders, carefully examining the words.

After a moment, Kyle sighs as he folds the paper back up in his hands, "Damn it, Stan," Kyle whispers under his breath, "Even when you're gone, you mess with my head."

…

Five minutes later, Tweek is standing on the lawn in the Big Brother backyard, using his hand as a visor as he watches Craig attempt to climb onto the roof to retrieve his pants. Tweek sighs as he looks up, squinting from the summer sun, "Are you sure you don't want me to help you?" he cries, "I was up there a few weeks ago!"

"No, babe, I'm fine!" Craig shouts back, still struggling to pull himself up onto the structure, "I can do this. I have killer upper-arm strength!"

Tweek chuckles, his eyes twinkling as he smiles, "Alright."

"Hey," Kyle greets, walking out the backdoor to join him, "What's Craig up to?"

Tweek nods in acknowledgement, not taking his eyes off his boyfriend, "He's climbing up the roof to get the pants that he threw up there yesterday."

"Why did he throw his pants on the roof yesterday-actually, I don't want to know the answer to that," Kyle quickly concludes, pausing slightly as he turns to his twitchy housemate, "Um, after you guys are done here, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Me?" Tweek squeaks, unable to believe what he is hearing; Kyle nods, "Oh, um, sure."

"Great. I'll be in the HOH room waiting for you," Kyle responds, pointing over his shoulder at the house while he backs up towards the sliding glass door. Tweek watches Kyle curiously as he leaves the backyard, still puzzled by his request to meet with him.

"Whoo! I did it, babe!" Craig cheers, holding his pants triumphantly up in his palm as he stands on the asphalt, "I got them!"

"Awesome! Now come back down here so you can lavish me with love and attention!" Tweek jokes, cupping his palms over his face like a miniature megaphone.

"Okay!" Craig exclaims. He steps backward as the wind picks up suddenly around him, causing Craig to lose his grip on his trousers. The pants fly out of his hands and land on a nearby power line. "Goddammit," he mutters, the addition of the item causing the power line to short-circuit. The pair cowers slightly as small sparks shoot out from the line, sizzling the pants in the process. Craig slowly lifts his head up, the air smelling like roasted pants as he turns to look at the damage, the lights completely off around him, "Uh oh."

…

A few minutes later, Tweek reenters the Big Brother house, the structure dead silent due to the blackout. Tweek softly sighs, looking over his shoulder as he moseys over to the HOH room. He stops in front of it and lightly knocks on the door, entering a few seconds after Kyle grants him access.

"So, um," Tweek begins, feeling quite awkward as he steps into the room, Kyle immediately closing the door behind him, "what do you want to talk about?"

"Well," Kyle says, nervously rubbing the back of his neck as he sits down across from the blonde, "I was wondering if you could give me some relationship advice," Kyle states, wondering if he sounds as awkward as he feels right now.

Tweek tilts his forehead, "Why me?" he wonders.

"Cause you're the only person I know who actually has a healthy one…and Craig scares me," Kyle quickly adds with a half-smile.

"Ah…" Tweek nods, understanding where he's coming from, "So, what's up?"

Kyle releases a heavy sigh as he stares down at the carpet, unsure how he should start this, "You know how I dated Douchebag, right? And then I rebounded with Stan?" Tweek nods, "Well, I'm worried that I'm rebounding again and I don't want to do that, especially to someone who's a good friend. But the truth is, I'm not even sure I am rebounding," Kyle admits, playing with his hands before giving a lighthearted shrug, "I mean, I always thought this person was amazing, even though they were technically taken-"

"Oh God, please don't tell me you're coming on to me too!" Tweek cries out, his eyes widening like dinner plates, "I CAN'T TAKE THE PRESSURE!" he shouts, cowering in a fetal position on the floor, his hands gripping his blonde locks for dear life.

"What?!" Kyle squeaks, quickly hopping off his bed and touching his shoulder, "No, Tweek, no. It's not you. I'm talking about Wendy!"

"Wendy?" Tweek repeats, his heart rate slowly decreasing as he says this. "Oh," he states, sitting up on the carpet, "Well, yeah, she's pretty great, but do you ever think maybe you're rushing into things? I mean, not to sound like an ass, but this is the third relationship you've had in the last two weeks."

"Yeah, you're right," Kyle agrees reluctantly, "Maybe jumping from relationship to relationship isn't the smartest decision on my end. Maybe the best thing I can do is just take a step away from her for now," he declares, shooting a small smile at the blonde, "Thanks, Tweek."

…

Ten minutes later, Token calls all six remaining housemates outside to the backyard. Several of the houseguests look confused as they enter the premises, the host rounding them up a few hours earlier than expected. Token smiles once everyone has gathered in a line in front of the loudspeaker, a brand new battery-powered television screen hanging on the wall below it. "Well, as you guys can see, we lost power in the Big Brother house this morning due to mysterious causes."

"Yeah, it really is a mystery," Craig mutters, his arms crossed as he stands next to Tweek.

"But, luckily, thanks to internet hot spots and a backup generator, the show can go on! It's just you guys who are going to have to suffer for a little while without power," Token adds, his smile as big as his wallet.

"Hurrah," Craig sarcastically grunts.

"But don't worry. The power should be back shortly...I hope," Token adds softly, before clapping his hands together off-screen, "Now, while the Big Brother electricians were investigating the cause of the power outage, we found this footage."

Token turns to his computer and presses the play button; a video starts playing on the television. The video shows none other than the residence's Craig Tucker drunkenly stumbling onto the lawn, the timestamp in the corner reading 2:03 a.m. "Whoo! This is Craig Tucker!" a very-wasted Craig screams at the top of his lungs, throwing his hands up in triumph, before much too eagerly ripping his pants off. He throws them onto the roof, hitting the center of the surface in one go and narrowly missing the power line.

"YEAH!" he cheers as Tweek enters into the backyard through the sliding glass door, Craig's pupils growing three times the size when he sees him, "Tweek, babe. Babe, check it out, babe!" Craig slurs, tugging sloppily on his boyfriend's sleeve, "I just chucked my parents-I mean, my pants, my parents' pants?" Craig stutters, already confused by his own statement, "-on the roof!" he hiccups, kneeling in front of him, "Are you impressed, honey baby angel face? I'd like to see your gay boyfriend, Greg, do that!" Craig cries. He heaves forward in a laugh, accidentally faceplanting on the lawn in the process, the outdoor lanterns illuminating his rear.

"Ack! Oh my God!" Tweek shrieks, quickly racing over to his boyfriend's aid, Craig's butt in the air. Tweek squats down and helps him sit upright. Tweek wipes some stray hairs away from Craig's face, staring out at him in concern, "Craig, are you alright?"

Craig groans and tautly narrows his eyes at the intruder, "Who the hell is Craig? I'm Lord Sexington!" he declares. Present-day Craig facepalms as the video ends, his muscles already hurting from all the cringing he did throughout.

Meanwhile, everyone standing around Craig is reveling over the normally stoic's wild onscreen demeanor, many of them flashing him shit-eating grins by the video's conclusion.

"Aww, man!" Cartman coos, "Why did you have to cut it off just when it was getting good?" he complains to the host.

Token nods, biting back a smug smile off-camera, "Lord Sexington – I mean Craig," he addresses, Tweek giggling into his palm next to his boyfriend, "would you care to comment?"

"All I'm saying is that doesn't prove it was me. I mean, that could be anyone," Craig defends.

Token's face falls slightly, perturbed by Craig's response, "You literally shouted, 'This is Craig Tucker!'"

"Again, that could be anyone," Craig repeats, before sighing and shaking his head at the dirt, "God, I'm never drinking again."

"Uh-huh," Token adds with a smile, "Yeah, I wouldn't if I were you. You're never going to be able to live this down," he casually comments, before turning to the others, "So, as a result of Craig barbecuing his pants this morning, we're just going to have to make due until the electricians fix the power."

Kyle cocks his forehead, "We have Big Brother electricians?"

"Yes," Token nods, "Remember Kyle, I'm super, super rich," he reminds him, "Now that we've taken care of that piece of housekeeping, it's time for us to start the fifth HOH competition. This is a little competition I like to call, Cage Match," Token reveals, redirecting the housemates' attention to the gigantic steel cage that is situated behind them, "The rules are simple: All five of you, minus Kyle, the outgoing HOH, will get into that tiny metal deathtrap. Whoever stays in that claustrophobic cage the longest wins. This competition may last ten minutes, or it could go all night. The winner will become the next HOH and guarantee themselves safety for the week," Token concludes, clapping his hands together, "Now, are there any questions before we start?" Token pauses slightly, allowing a few of the houseguests' hands to shoot up, "Too bad!" he quips, quickly dismissing them with a snap of his fingers, "Let's get ready to rumble!"

"Geez, Token. You've got some weird kinks," Cartman mumbles as he steps into the cage with the other four participating houseguests. Kyle locks the door behind them, per Token's instruction, and returns to his seat on the sidelines.

"Oh God, I don't like this challenge!" Tweek squeaks, already death-gripping the steel bars beside him, "I feel like I'm suffocating!"

"It's okay, sweetheart, just breathe," Craig states soothingly next to him. Cartman rolls his eyes.

"Alright, everybody, I hope you're ready, cause this challenge is on…" Token dramatically announces over the loudspeaker.

Five minutes later, Cartman huffs as Tweek vibrates next to him, the blonde's constant movement causing the cage to jiggle. "Oh, for fuck's sake, spaz, calm the fuck down!" Cartman snarls, snapping his head in his direction.

Tweek squeaks and hugs his trembling body as Bebe immediately jumps in to defend him, "Yeah, cause yelling at him is really going to help. I can't believe you sometimes, Cartman," Bebe states with a roll of her eyes.

"Like you're one to talk. You're the loudest person in this house!" Cartman blares as Tweek starts hyperventilating nearby, "When you and Clyde were doing it, I thought my eardrums were going to pop."

"WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP? TWEEK IS HAVING A PANIC ATTACK!" Craig screams, instantly cringing at the volume of his voice the second the words leave his body. Everyone on the premises turns and looks at Craig with wide eyes, minus Tweek, who is clutching onto his boyfriend's arm, his head pressed against his shoulder.

"Relax, babe. You're fine. Nothing bad is going to happen," Craig says soothingly, though to most houseguests his tone sounds as stoic as ever. Craig wraps an arm around Tweek and holds him close. Craig leans to the side, kissing Tweek tenderly on the forehead before cuddling up against the twitchy blonde to comfort him.

Next to him, Cartman is making a face. "Yuck! Token, tell the gays to stop being gross!" he whines, like someone just took the last Chinpokomon doll.

"No way," Token beams, zooming a camera in on the PDA, "This will increase our Asian viewers."

"Do you want to step out and get some open air?" Craig whispers gently into his boyfriend's ear. Tweek pulls back slightly and nods, too ashamed to even look Craig in the face. "Okay, let's go."

The other three contestants watch in astonishment as Craig pushes past them, guiding Tweek to the door by the hand without hesitation. Craig reaches forward, unlatches the cage from the outside, and swings open the door. He steps out and leads his anxious boyfriend to the sidelines, the fatass giving a surreptitious grin as he does so.

"Um…and Tweek and Craig have been eliminated," Token dumbfoundedly speaks into the microphone, "But how the fuck did Craig open the door?"

"Magic!" Cartman coos with jazz hands.

A few minutes later, Tweek sniffs as Craig affectionately rubs his back while he sits on the chair next to Kyle, the raven handing him a cup of coffee. Tweek gingerly takes it, a fleece blanket wrapped around him like a cocoon as he shakes lightly. "I'm sorry, Craig," Tweek squeaks, his voice as small as he feels right now.

"It's fine, babe," Craig assures him, rubbing comforting circles on his back, "That HOH was dumb anyway," he assures, completely oblivious to the one-person audience. Beside them, Kyle is watching the couple's every move, a peculiar look spread across his face as he struggles to figure out why this cute moment is striking a chord in his mind.

"Well, you've all made it a half hour in this cage. Congratulations," Token states, a whopping twenty minutes later, while the trio continues watching from the sidelines.

Tweek sniffs, his panic subsiding, but he can still feel a ball of anxiety swirling in the pit of his stomach as he sees Cartman still competing for the win. Tweek scoots to the side and grabs Craig's hand, the noirette smiling when Tweek squeezes it.

Suddenly, the girls screech as a horrendous sounding and smelling fart erupts in the center of the cage, grossing them both. "Gross, Cartman! What did you eat?" Bebe wonders, pinching her nostrils shut as she frantically waves her hand in front of her face. "This smells worse than Taco Tuesday!"

"Oh God…I think the smell is getting into my clothes," Wendy notes, smoothing out her skirt in an attempt to salvage her super-cute outfit, "Oh God…I gotta get out of here!" she cries, swiftly gliding forward and exiting out of the contraption.

Kyle coughs twice from the sidelines as Wendy approaches him, "Dude! I can smell that from here!" he states, waving his hand in front of his nose as he tears up at the stench.

"And then there were two," Token voices dramatically, "Who will win the competition and become this week's HOH?"

Bebe cringes as she holds her nose shut, feeling like she is clinging onto her sanity for dear life. Cartman watches gleefully next to her as Bebe shuffles uncomfortably in place, shifting her weigh from side to side. "I guess it's only a matter of minutes, huh, Bebe?" Cartman coos, the shit-eating grin back and shining brightly on his face.

Bebe looks up. Her expression is fierce, but her resolve is weak. She sighs and nods.

"So, how about we make a deal then?" Cartman continues, basking in his upper hand, "If you drop out right now and let me win this HOH, I won't nominate you this week."

"Really?" Bebe squeaks, unable to believe what she is hearing. She turns to the sidelines and eyes Wendy, who is flashing the same skeptical look back at her, "But how do I know I can trust you?" Bebe asks, death-gripping the cell bars as she locks eyes with the fatass.

"You don't," Cartman answers firmly, "You're just going to have to take a risk."

Bebe sighs. Her eyes trail to the floor as she thinks over every possible way this deal could go wrong. Finally, after determining that the result couldn't be any worse than what she's experiencing now, Bebe turns to Cartman and holds out her hand. "Alright. Deal," she states.

Cartman reaches forward and grabs her hand, giving it a shake. "Excellent. Then step out, Stevens."

Bebe nods as she steps back, her hands sliding down the metal bars as she does so. She carefully makes her way over to the exit and pushes her way out the door, ignoring the horrified expressions generating from the sidelines.

"And with that, we have our newest HOH," Token's voice blares from the loudspeaker, his tone laced with shock, "Congratulations, Cartman! Come and get your key from Kyle, and enjoy all the responsibilities and privileges that come with being Head of Household!"

"FUCK YEAH!" Cartman cheers as he throws his arms up and barrels through the doorway. He races over to Kyle and snatches the key from him, wrapping it around his neck as the five remaining houseguests, minus Kyle, look at him timorously from the side of the house.

"Well, shit…" Craig mutters.

Bebe Stevens
Former Most Popular Girl in School

Do I regret stepping down and essentially making a deal with the devil? No. In this game, you need to protect yourself.

…

Eric Cartman
Psychopath

Would I have trusted me? Hell no. But I know what that guy is capable of. (smirks) That's a rookie move, Bebe. But will she play for it? I don't know. It depends on what the best move is to get me further.

…

Five minutes later, Tweek enters into the boys room, a resounding guilt washing over him. Tweek sighs as he exasperatingly throwing his hands down, sporting the biggest headache he's had all week. "I'm so sorry. This is all my fault," he apologizes profusely as his boyfriend stands at the doorway, "If it weren't for me and my stupid panic attack, we'd be safe. I doomed us, I doomed us all, Craig!" Tweek cries, on the verge tears.

"Come on honey, don't say that," Craig coos, stepping in the room and gently closing the door, "This isn't your fault."

"Yes, it is! I let my stupid anxiety wreck our game. I'm such a fuck up!" Tweek shouts, flopping down on the bed defeatedly, tears forming in the creases of his eyes.

"Hey, come on now, babe. You are not a fuck up," Craig states soothingly as he sits down next to him, wrapping his arm around Tweek and pulling him into a warm side hug, "You are so smart and so sweet and just an all-around amazing human being. Why would you even say that?"

"Because! Just look at me, Craig. I'm a wreck!" Tweek cries, feeling like he is going to lose it at any moment, "I'm anxious, I'm twitchy, I'm awkward, and I can't go five minutes without coffee. I'm surprised I even lasted a day, let alone a whole month in this house!" he confesses, tears streaming down his cheeks, "I've done nothing but hold you back since we got here. And come tomorrow, you won't have me as a handicap anymore and you'll have a real shot at winning this thing…just like everyone else," he says, his sorrow filling the room.

Craig stares straight ahead at the wall, his forehead scrunched pensively. After a brief moment, he turns to his boyfriend and sighs. "Tweek, I don't even know where to begin with this because everything you just said is a load of bullcrap. We've always known who the stronger of the two of us is, and it sure as hell isn't me," he confesses, trying hard to get Tweek to look at him, "You need to quit blaming yourself for being you, babe. Being you isn't a bad thing, and I wish you'd stop viewing it like it is."

"But I just cost you game," Tweek squeaks, his voice so soft that the words are barely audible.

"You didn't," Craig assures him, staring back at the wall, "And even if you did, it doesn't matter. This game was never mine in the first place…"

Tweek cocks his forehead while he gazes at Craig, puzzled by his response as he struggles to determine what exactly the stoic means by that. After a few moments, Tweek caves and hopelessly plops his head on his boyfriend's shoulder.

Craig Tucker
Aggressive Tweeksexual

I want to make one thing perfectly clear: My boyfriend is not a liability.

…

Meanwhile, Cartman is sitting in his brand-new HOH room with Kyle, celebrating his victory. "My plan worked perfectly, Kahl," Cartman boasts as he sinks into his luxurious lounge chair, the redhead situated on the edge of the double bed across from him, "At long last, Craig will be gone!"

"You do know you could've gotten him out Week 1, right?" Kyle quips, scanning over Cartman's gift basket.

"But it wasn't the right time, Kiel!" Cartman huffs, his cheeks puffed out like a blowfish, "We needed Craig here to target Stan to preserve our game a bit longer. And now that Stan's gone, we need to strike Craig first before he strikes us. So, here's the plan," Cartman begins, leaning forward in delicious anticipation, licking his lips as he makes eye contact with his alliance partner, "We'll put Craig on the block, then put Spazzy McSpaz up as the pawn, so Tweek can't plead to save him. Craig will get evicted, and Tweek will have a nervous breakdown and self-evict shortly afterwards. Then…ta-dah! We're in the final four," he beams, lounging back in his seat with a satisfied smirk.

"Man…I don't know, Cartman," Kyle replies, his voice wavering slightly, "If we do that, we have a possibility of ticking off everyone in the house, and that's going to hinder us from making potential allies later on," he worries, Cartman narrowing his eyes at him, "Maybe it's best if we don't put the couple on the block."

"Kahl, you are such an idiot," Cartman ridicules, staring up at the ceiling, "We can't keep them both here; their bond is too strong!"

Suddenly, Kyle freezes in place, Cartman's last five words turning a light switch on in his mind. "Oh my God," Kyle speaks into the silence, his eyes as wide as saucers, "That's exactly what Stan was trying to tell me. He wants me to separate Tweek and Craig!"

Cartman cocks his forehead, puzzled by the Jew's antics, "What the hell are you talking about, Kahl?"

Not giving it a second thought, Kyle races over to his old HOH basket and pulls out the letter. He rips open the envelope and unfolds the sheet of paper, gesturing down at the referred-to line as he crouches in front of his pseudo friend.

Cartman quickly reads the line over, his eyes glistening as he voices his approval, "Oh this is perfect, Kiel. With Stan on our side, that money is as good as ours!"

Eric Cartman
Psychopath

Kahl is such a wuss. He's so afraid of losing friends here that he's too scared to get blood on his hands. Well, Kiel may be a pussy, but there's no way Eric Cartman is. And now that I know at least one person in that jury house is rooting for me, it's time for me to go out there and make the move that everyone's too afraid to make. Respect my authoritah!

…

Wendy Testaburger
Green-hat-loving Rights Activist

I'm so nervous this week. I don't think I've ever been this nervous for nominations this whole game, but it's getting down to the wire and there's only five possible people that Cartman can nominate. I'm hoping that since I spared him when I was HOH, he'll do the same for me, but I'm not stupid. I know Cartman is a selfish person, so there's a good chance that I'll be making my first appearance on the block this afternoon.

…

Wendy sighs as she arrives at the dining room table, the room lit up by nothing but the natural light from the window. She plops down in her seat next to Bebe, making awkward eye contact with the residence's redhead as she does so, Kyle looking equally nervous in his seat across the table. Wendy turns to Bebe, the blonde mouthing 'good luck' as Cartman wobbles over to the dining table, his grin almost as big as his stomach. Beside Wendy, Tweek is shaking in his seat, not wanting to make eye contact in fear that he may vomit.

"Alright, everyone. It's time for the best part of my job as HOH: the nominations," Cartman announces, puffing out his chest as he turns to his fellow housemates, "We're getting closer to the end, and although I couldn't nominate everyone I wanted, I just want all of you to know that you're all worthy competitors in my book…except for Tweek," Cartman quickly adds, raising his eyebrows with a smirk. Cartman looks slightly to the right to find Craig glaring daggers at him; Cartman smiles even widener, "Anyway, before I announce whose lives are officially over, is there anything any of you would like to say to the grand and glorious HOH?"

Cartman eagerly turns to the crowd, but the house is silent, other than a lone cricket chirping on the windowsill. Cartman narrows his eyes at the insect, who stops chirping immediately at his glare. "Okay then. This week, I nominate the lovebirds, Tweek and Craig," he announces, the rest of the house audibly gasping at his announcement and turning to the couple. Craig is sitting upright in his seat with his arms crossed, looking like he is about to leap over the table and kill Cartman, while Tweek looks like he is about to cry in the next five seconds as he sits hunched over the surface. "Honeymoon's over, fellas," Cartman coos, "It's time for a battle to the death!"

…

Eric Cartman
Psychopath

The Kyle and Wendy thing could be over by the end of the week, but Tweek and Craig will be together 'til the end of time. And because of that, they're always going to be a threat in this house as long as I'm concerned. And I'm here to take out the threats cause I want to win the money. God knows I deserve it!

…

Tweek Tweak
Puts the "P" in Paranoid

Personally, I think it's both sad and amusing that everyone in the house is threatened by the two of us because Craig and I really only voted together once, so how much power could we have?

…

Craig Tucker
Aggressive Tweeksexual

Well, Cartman did exactly what I thought he was going to do, and I think he may have doomed himself in the process. Cause guess what? He can only get rid of one of us this week. Whoever survives is going to be out for blood, and there's nothing scarier than a vengeful Tweek. (smirks)