The night was filled with whispers…
More than listening to them, Robin could almost feel them, brushing against his skin like a lover's caress as they swept through the trees, filling the woods with the sounds of a thousand lamenting voices. They mingled with the soft murmur of the leaves rustling in the gusty wind, but they were still clear enough for him to shiver as they moved all around.
They spoke to him... but in his mind he could not understand them. They called for him, but in his own sorrow, he wouldn't listen. He could just sit on the grass, his gaze got lost in the distance as a light drizzle fell over him.
It had been broad daylight when he first sat there, the sun beaming high in the blue skies as a warm breeze swirled around him. But now darkness fell upon him and the only thing he could feel was the bitter cold of the rain.
That was what his life had turned into, a cold and bitter existence where his heart would break time and time again, until there was nothing left of him to give.
He felt numb as he dwelled in the shadows, and there was certain comfort in that. Darkness was his only refuge, because feeling nothing was better than letting the torrent of feelings that reigned inside of him consume him slowly.
Not like those moments of being completely devoid of any emotion would last too long. It was a repeating cycle: he felt, with every ounce of his being, he beat his mind and heart into submission and most of the time, he succeeded. But then, he relapsed, hard, and everything would all start again.
Needless to say, it was exhausting, it was emotionally devastating, and the whole thing was taking a huge toll on him.
Yes, his body was slowly healing, but his real pain, the one that twisted and turned in his chest when he failed to feel numb, came from his soul. It was a condition of the heart, and as much as he was trying, the truth was that it was hard to bear. Especially when everywhere he looked, he was greeted with the cheerful faces that celebrated what he just lost.
He couldn't turn from it, because as he saw it, every single person he had come upon in the village happened to be celebrating the demise of the King.
He didn't blame them. After all, Leopold and his evil reign caused so much pain and sorrow all around, that it was to be expected for people to react this way. Hell, he should be also celebrating, as he had lost so much in that senseless war…
Yet, he didn't feel it in himself to celebrate.
He couldn't. As much as he tried not to think about it, he couldn't help but see it this way: the King's death meant the Queen was also taken down and with that last part, his entire spirit sunk in grief.
Yes, he was free, the camp was liberated and peace was about to settle in. But he lost her, and there was no sense of victory strong enough to make the pain he felt deep within his being calm down.
His Queen… the woman who once called him for a game of chess and later got annoyed when he let her win. The one who hated to be addressed by her royal titles and just wanted someone who would really look at her, at Regina.
Taking a deep breath of the cold night air, Robin filled his lungs with the coldness of it before releasing it through his mouth. It didn't make him feel better, quite the contrary, it only reminded him how empty he was inside.
The sensation made him think of her, of Regina… because in the wake of her death, that was how he would make himself feel… an empty shell.
Sometimes, when the pain of his battered back was too much to bear and he needed the help of lots and lots of cheap wine so he could get some sleep, he would dream of her and he would at least feel something other than pain or that emptiness he was so often forcing on himself. He often saw her as she had been, carefree, bold and the sound of her laugh would echo inside his head in such a way that his spirits would soar. Those were the only good moments, and at times it was the only thing he could hold onto.
But then, reality would have a way of kicking in and his dreams would turn into nightmares. His mind would start to play with him, filling his head with thousands of images of the ways she could have died, and the devastation he felt after that was gut wrenching.
Regina…
There was just no way to escape thinking about her. Drunk or sober, sleep or awake… she was always present, and even if he tried to escape it by leaving the room he had been given at Granny's to have a walk outside, through the villagers, he would hear her name.
True, the life and apparent death of her had been barely the most recurrent talk in the village… but there had been some of it. The woman who swore to have seen her every night sneaking out of the castle and riding her horse through the fields, the old man who saw her arrive at the King's door when she was nothing but a lass, the dozens who feasted at her wedding…
They all thought to know something about her, when in reality, none of them did.
They didn't know her. None of them knew how deep her eyes could dig when she looked into your own, they never listened to her laugh, and none of them knew how enticing her voice could be or how warm her lips felt.
They hadn't known her, the woman behind the crown... so of course they had no reason to grieve her like he did.
It was still too much to see them being so cheerful while he felt so broken. That was why he left the village earlier that day, walking through the flood of people who came to celebrate the King that was no more.
He went to the woods, and once there he walked and walked until he couldn't listen to them any more. Only when he thought he could be alone and unperturbed, he sat…. alone, his mind lost in memory.
That was how he came to spot Will Scarlett running towards the village. Stumbling, panting, and the look in his face edging in desperation.
"Will?" Robin asked, his voice strained as he watched his friend halt so abruptly that he tripped and fell. Getting up, he walked towards the obviously exhausted man. "What happened?"
Now, Will… he hadn't seen the man since the night they arrived at the village and he promised to bring Regina back. He didn't make much out of it, much to his shame, and just vaguely thought he got caught up in the celebration of his newfound freedom. But now, two days later, he appeared out of nowhere like this and that didn't feel right to Robin.
"I found her… she's… I was bringing her… but I couldn't… I really tried… I carried her for so long-"
Feeling his heart stop for what felt like an eternity, Robin's face fell. "Regina? You found her? Where?"
He didn't dare to hope… or asking if she was dead or alive, but something in the fact that Will mentioned he was carrying her made his stomach drop.
"Yes… well I think so. I've never seen her before…so… I don't… I don't know. She is no peasant bird…though, but… mate, she's not well..."
Not sure how those words made him feel, Robin helped his friend up to his feet. Part of him wanted to take comfort in the fact that Will didn't say she was dead right off the bat, but at the same time, he was starting to imagine some of the worst scenarios ever.
She must be unconscious if Will had been carrying her. She could also be bleeding, she could be freezing… she could be badly beaten… and also, it could end up not being her.
"Take me to her." He said at last.
Still panting and looking way too pale, Will started to guide him deeper into the woods. Robin followed him, cutting through the trees and vegetation as fast as his still battered body would allow him
By then, the drizzle was coming down more insistently, and as he vaguely listened to Will apologize over and over again because he couldn't carry her any further, Robin kept going. He pushed beyond the limits of his still weak body as the rain fell punishingly over him.
Not like that mattered to him; not when he was driven by desperation. Every second was crucial, and he wasn't going to waste any moment whatsoever. With that in mind, he blinked the icy-cold water of the rain out of his eyes and tensing his jaw as hard enough to feel the strain of it, he kept on moving.
He already knew she could be somewhere around, now it was a matter of finding her. The question was, was it really her? would he find her dead or alive? And if it was the later, what would be her condition?
Those right there were dark thoughts that nothing helped in the situation and he wished he wouldn't think about them, but he just couldn't…
"Over there… I felt her there."
Tilting his head to the sound of Will's voice, Robin swallowed down and froze. For some reason that he couldn't quite understand, his stomach turned into a knot and his breathing ceased for a few seconds.
Will stopped moving and was now doubling over, hissing and breathing hard. He was pointing to some bushes behind the trees though. "She's there… I tried to cover her so she… wouldn't be so cold..."
That was all Robin needed to react, and he did so by running towards her. He moved blindly, his mind repeating a litany over and over again.
'Please let it be her, let her be alive, please…'
To Robin, it felt as if he ran forever. His breathing coming in sharp gasps, the rain falling heavy against his eyes and his back protesting the effort wildly. Still, he ran faster and faster. He couldn't see the path ahead of him clearly, but he kept going, and it wasn't until he was a few steps away from the place Will pointed out that he saw her.
Feeling his heart shrinking, he halted… and the world stilled for a second.
It was Regina. She was laying in the mud with her eyes closed and the black cloak covering her drenched with the rain. She looked pale, way too pale... as if all the blood of her body had drained out of her.
Sucking into a shaky breath, Robin walked the rest of the way as if in a trance. When he was close enough, he went down to his knees and took her in his arms, pressing her to his chest as his nose bumped to hers.
"Regina." He mumbled, bringing her closer so he could press two fingers to her throat. He was looking for a pulse, but there was nothing.
What he wasn't sure, was if it was because she had none, or because his fingers were too numb and not functioning like they should. He hoped it was the later, because life couldn't be so cruel as to let him find her, only to lose her all over again… right?
"Come on, don't do this to me."
Letting his eyes roam all over her, his hands moved to her cheek, and feeling that she was too cold, he shook his head. She wasn't reacting, and if it wasn't because he was holding her face in his hand, her head would have lolled to the side.
He wasn't even sure if she was breathing…
"Come on." Brushing her hair out of her face and then running the ball of his thumb against her lips, he inhaled deeply.
"I found her all bundled up, I almost missed her. Robin, it was freezing deep into the wounds, and she was so cold…"
"Shhh." Shaking his head because he didn't want to hear it, Robin pulled Regina closer to him, placing a hand to her chest. He held his breath, leaving his hand there while his eyes drank on the image of her.
She looked as if she was sleeping. Her eyelashes, always long and perfect brushing ever so lightly against her cheeks, her lips, full and once so full of promises smooth and relaxed… she looked so peaceful...
"Please, Regina-" He mumbled, barely realizing that he choked on the words. "Don't do this…"
As was to be expected, she offered no reply and he could feel his start to crumble all over again. But then, so very faintly, he felt her heart beating. It was almost imperceptible and at first, he thought that he imagined it. Then he felt it again.
Blowing out a breath, Robin gathered her in his arms. It hurt to do so and he could feel the wounds on his back protesting, but he didn't care. Defying the pain taking over him, he still got to his feet with her.
She weighed next to nothing even when passed out, and even though that made it easier for him, holding her in his arms in such a vulnerable state smade him feel a surge of guilt swelling inside of him.
It was his fault she ended up like that… and if anything happened to her, he wouldn't be able to ever forgive himself.
"Is she alright?" Will asked.
"I don't know… let's just take her to the Granny."
The journey back to the village felt like an eternity, and Robin was sure he made it out of pure will. He was still weak and not fully healed, but his determination to get Regina to safety was stronger than anything he ever felt before.
He ignored his own pain, he pushed through exhaustion and he fought hard against the need to stop to collect himself.
He was only able to breathe out when he made it to Granny's, and even then, he didn't find a way to ease the iron-grip pressure clenching hard around his heart.
It was all a blur now, but if there was something he clearly remembered, it was how Regina never reacted. She didn't wake up as he rushed with her through the woods, she didn't move a muscle when he helped Granny take off all of her wet clothes so they could warm her up, and she didn't even flinch when Ruby stepped in to put a 'warm saline solution' through an IV in her.
She just laid there, unconscious and barely breathing.
He also remembered Will staying with him for a while, Granny telling him to wait outside, and his refusal to let anyone tend his once again open wounds until he could be sure Regina was going to be alright.
He pushed his pain, fatigue and all of his discomforts away as he waited, time dragging on and on until at last, the old woman walked out of the room.
"She's going to be alright. I want to keep an eye on her in case this turns into pneumonia, but she'll live. Now, why don't we check that back of yours?"
Feeling overwhelmed by the wave of relief that washed over him as soon as he heard those words, Robin shook his head no. He didn't need to have his wounds being tended, what he needed was to see Regina. To talk to her and make sure she was really going to be alright.
He refused to move or even to lift his face from the palms of his hands though, at least until he could calm down a little. His emotions were on edge, and he was sure that if he dared speaking, he would choke on his words.
It took him several minutes, as the turmoil of feelings raging inside of him were overwhelming.
He felt relief, guilt… he felt like crying.
When he was finally able to gain some control, he got to his feet and walked to the room Regina was in. He found her just as he left her, unconscious and looking way too pale.
True, Granny washed the dirt of off her and changed her into some dry clothes, so if he didn't know any better, he could imagine that she was peacefully sleeping. Only that she wasn't, and the bruises on her arms and the dark marks imprinted on her neck were a silent remainder of the hell she went through.
He had seen it. The blood on her clothes, in her fingernails… and those damn bruises.
There was nothing else to indicate she was injured or that the blood could be hers thought, so he couldn't even imagine what happened when she left to be with the King.
"She hasn't woken up yet, but there is no reason to believe she won't do it soon. Her body temperature is back to normal and she's being hydrated. She'll live; she just needs to rest"
"Thank you." Robin said, once again, feeling relieved.
"She was exposed too long in the woods though, probably cold and exhausted and in her condition, that can be dangareous. So like I said, I want to keep her under observation."
"She looks so pale."
"She looks better than you, I'll tell you that."
Eyeing the old woman, Robin shrugged. "I'll be alright, as long as she is."
"You won't be if the wounds fester. I'll leave you for a few minutes so you can talk to her, that helps… sometimes, but then I'm going to come back and patch you back up."
Nodding, Robin pushed the inside of his teeth with his tongue, barely listen to Granny, as his heart was ringing in his ears.
When the woman left, he walked towards the bed so he could take a seat by it. Once there, he grabbed Regina's limp hand in his and brought it to his lips to kiss it. With that done, he intertwined his fingers with hers and gave her a light squeeze.
For what felt like an eternity, he just watched her, taking comfort in the way she was slowly breathing. Granny came and went several times; she cleaned and took care of his wounds, she made him drink something for the pain, and she checked Regina several times.
She stopped coming at some point though, when the crack of dawn was approaching and her need to rest hit her. Then it was just him and Regina.
By the time the sun was up, there was still no movement coming from her other than her breathing. It was good, but it kind of made him feel desperate for something… anything that would reassure him she was indeed going to be alright. That was why he aimed to do as Granny suggested. He was going to talk to her.
"Regina… I don't know if you can hear me, but in case you do, I want you to know that-"
Swallowing the lump stuck down his throat, Robin bit on his tongue, trying to get a hold of himself before he could go on.
"I'm sorry that I left you, and that I should have listened to you the first time you asked me to take you away."
Still, there was no response.
"I wanted to, you know… maybe you won't believe me. Not after all of what happened, but I really wanted to take you and just run away somewhere nobody would ever find us. You always had that effect on me, since the first time I saw you… of making me want things I shouldn't want, and I wanted you, Regina… all of you. But I wanted to make it the right way. I was wrong, and look how that ended… and I am so sorry about that."
Using his thumb to caress her hand, he looked at her face. There was no perceptible change; her eyes were still closed and her breathing was even.
"I still want that… God, I would give anything to go back in time and change all of this. That way I would never let you go and I would show you, day after day that I love you so much."
If she heard him, she gave no indication.
"You need to wake up so I can tell you that… and so that we can have that chess game you still owe me."
Regina gave no indication that she was listening, so moved by pure instinct, Robin moved nearer and kissed her lips softly. Nothing happened, or so he thought, but then he felt it, an almost imperceptible squeeze to his hand.
Opening his eyes as wide as he could, he swallowed on dry. Did he imagine it?
"Regina?"
For several seconds there was nothing, and he was starting to be sure he did imagine it. But then he felt it again, and when he looked down, she was indeed squeezing his hand.
"Hey..." He said in a whisper, his heart stuck down his throat as he watched her open her eyes to slits.
She didn't do much more than that. She just stared at him as if dazed, her land lifting clumsily so it could rest against his ear. But then, there was a soft whimper coming out of her and her eyes widened some more.
"Robin?" She mumbled, her voice coarse and forced. The sound was barely above a whisper, but it was her voice and in an instant, it filled the void that had been taking over his entire being.
Blowing out a breath and overcome with a torrent of emotions, Robin moved his own hand to her cheek, his thumb running smoothly over her skin. He wanted to do more, he wanted to hug her and kiss her and above all, he wanted to tell her how much he loved her…
But he wasn't sure what her reaction would be. For all he knew, she hated him for what she was forced to do in order to stop Leopold from killing him, so he held himself from doing more than what he was doing.
He only reacted when she tried to sit and failed in her attempt, deeming that it was up to him to help her up. "Easy there, you still need to rest."
Not minding his words, Regina threw her arms around his neck, clinging to him with whatever force she still had in her.
Letting out a teary chuckle, Robin hugged her back, his arms holding her close while he breathed into her scent.
"I thought I would never find you." Her voice cracked the slightest bit, so wanting to reassure her, Robin pulled away.
His intentions had been to look at her face and tell her that she did, that they ended up finding each other. But as soon as their eyes met, he lost the little composure he had been trying to keep.
He didn't have control over it, because her eyes, with those thousand hues of brown he loved so much, were watery and filled with so much... and it dawned on him that she was as tentative of his reaction as he was of hers.
"I'm here." Feeling his own eyes pooling, he kissed her. First, his lips grazing over hers ever so lightly, and then moving to her cheeks, to her forehead and then back to her mouth.
At the invasion, Regina hummed, and he wasn't sure if it was a complaint or an encouragement, but he did it again.
"I love you. And I'm sorry… about this… about leaving you. It won't happen again… I can't... lose you, Regina, not again."
Closing her eyes and taking in a deep breath. Regina wrinkled her nose. "You better... or I swear..." Before she could finish, her lips curved slightly and before she could say more, he kissed her again… hoping that this was going to be where their story started again...
TBC