He was alone, standing on the beach in pajamas and bare feet. The sky was pitch black, and yet the ocean appeared almost luminescent below it. Steven walked calmly to the edge of the shoreline, casting his gaze out onto the water. The waves sounded like hushed whispers as they lapped against the bank, but he couldn't make out the words.
Even so, he was sure that something (someone?) was trying to call out to him.
"Hello?" He took a step closer, raising his voice, "Who's there?"
The next wave brushed against his feet, but instead of retreating, the water snaked up around his ankles like tentacles.
Steven cried out in alarm, falling backward on the sand as the watery appendages began tugging him forward. He tried to reach down and pry them off, but they morphed into cuffs around his ankles, held fast by liquid chains, and pulled even harder.
He kicked and grunted, struggling to find purchase in the sand, but was quickly pulled under; down into the dark depths below.
Then the world... tilted; one moment, he was being dragged down, and then the next, he was being pulled up. He gasped as he was drawn out of the water, dangling upside down, and the cuffs around his ankles disappeared. He expected to splash back into the ocean but landed on solid ground instead.
He pushed himself to his feet, looking down at the shimmering surface below him, and noticed he was now wearing his usual t-shirt and jeans; his previously bare feet now clad in sandals.
He was also completely dry.
'okay..' Steven thought, 'That's kinda weird.'
There was no beach in sight, but the dark sky around him was now twinkling with stars and colorful swirls like galaxies.
'Whoa...'
He turned around, blinking in surprise when he realized he wasn't alone.
There, several feet away, sat a gem. At least, Steven assumed she was a gem; he'd never seen a blue human before.
She had her back turned toward him; her bare feet tucked neatly under her legs, blue skirt spread out around her. Her dark blue hair was cropped short, and a blue bow was tied around her neck, the ribbons rippling in the open air.
"Hello?" Steven called.
She gave no indication that she'd heard him, and so Steven took a few cautious steps forward, now able to see the tear-shaped blue gem on her back. His eyes widened at the three large cracks that spread out from its center.
"Your gem..."
Steven winced in sympathy, one hand hovering over his stomach as he imagined how painful a cracked gem must feel.
"Are you okay?"
She didn't respond, and Steven reached his hand out, feeling a sudden intense concern for whoever this gem was.
"Please, I wanna help you-"
Her form flickered like static on a Tv before disappearing, and Steven's hand grabbed at nothing but air.
"Huh..? Wait!" he looked around for her, panicked, "Don't go yet!"
The ground below him creaked, the once firm surface of the water now fracturing like glass on a mirror. Steven looked down, but it wasn't his reflection staring back; it was the blue gem. Her eyes looked like empty pools of white, blank, and unseeing; her hand stretched out towards him pleadingly.
"Steven.."
Steven's eyes opened with a gasp as he sat up in bed, heart pounding and cold sweat clinging to his body. He placed his hand over his chest, breath slowly evening out as the details of the dream faded and reality settled back in place.
'Just a dream.'
Steven sighed as he glanced around the dark room, familiar and yet...not.
He knew the gems were most likely downstairs, he could see the faint light from his open doorway, but he missed being able to look down over the loft and see them.
He missed his old room.
The cookiecat alarm clock on his nightstand flashed 4:22.
Steven threw off the covers and slipped out of bed, fully dressed from the day before. It was still early, but he had no intention of going back to sleep. Besides, maybe the others would know something about the gem from his dreams.
He didn't bother putting on his sandals and started down the stairs, stopping after the first few steps when he heard hushed voices.
"-way of knowing what memories we'll trigger."
Steven frowned, placing a hand against the wall and tilting his head to listen; Pearls voice sounded like it was coming from the kitchen.
"Isn't the whole point for him to remember?" Amethyst asked, "How else is he supposed to turn back into his older self?"
Steven looked down at the portrait against the wall, at the smiling face of his sixteen-year-old self. He'd been so excited seeing how tall he would get and how cool 'older him' looked in that pink jacket, but it was still hard to imagine that the person in that picture was him, or at least, who he was supposed to be.
"..-keep avoiding it."
Steven blinked; he'd drifted off in thought and only just caught the end of Garnet's sentence.
"Ever since he saw Little Homeworld, Steven's been more restless."
It had been several days since then, but Steven couldn't deny that Garnet was right. They'd spent the last two days fixing up the garden in the observatory, and as much as he enjoyed spending time with his family, he still couldn't rid himself of the desire to just...go, somewhere, anywhere, other than the temple and the beach.
But...the gems hadn't mentioned leaving since...
Since Connie had handed them those pamphlets, he realized.
"I don't think it's safe," Pearl's voice confirmed his suspicions, "Not until we know more about how these.. flashbacks... manifest."
Steven's heart sank.
"He did alright in the observatory, though," Amethyst pointed out, "He even remembered going to the galaxy warp."
"He also became quite distressed over the plants," Garnet stated.
"Yeah. So, what? He's a sensitive guy. Big deal." Amethyst sounded annoyed now, "Besides, that was totally our fault, anyway."
Steven felt grateful for Amethyst's defense, but it was apparent that she wasn't swaying the other's opinion.
"Did you see how panicked he looked every time he came near the cactus?" Pearl worried, "Or how he kept staring off at nothing? I just don't think he's ready."
Steven frowned, cheeks warming when even Amethyst couldn't refute her points. Had he really been spacing out that much?
"The observatory was a good test run." Garnet said, "Next time-"
Steven didn't hear the rest, heart pounding and tears gathering in his eyes. Was that the only reason the gems had taken him to the observatory? Had it all just been a ...test?
The image of himself holding the sea spire statue suddenly rose before him; the guilt and shame of his past failure heavy on his shoulders as he apologizes to the others. Pearl kneeling before him, voice placating-
"-If the Spire had been crucial, we wouldn't have used it as a test for you."
"Test? What do you mean, "test"?"
Steven found himself leaning more heavily upon the hand he'd placed against the wall, legs suddenly weak. With a slow, deliberate breath, he carefully guided himself down to sit on the steps outside his doorway as the rest of the memory unfolded.
Pearl nervously backpaddling, "Well, it wasn't really a "test," per se. Not in the traditional sense. We just wanted to see if you were ready to go on missions."
Garnet's steady voice, "Steven, it wasn't something we planned behind your back. We just saw an opportunity and.."
His own dismayed gasp, "And I failed it... I failed the test."
Then the memories sped up: asking/begging for another test, another chance to prove himself. Standing before the temple gate as Pearl explains, "-just beyond here are three chambers designed by each of us to simulate the challenges of a mission."
Running away from an approaching boulder, leaping off a ramp, and swinging across on a vine to safety. Music and glowing tiles revealing a staircase with swinging pendulum blades. A lava pit, a narrow bridge, a wall of fire shooting between every crack.
Steven pressed his forehead against his knees and gritted his teeth as the memories came even faster, filtering through at such a dizzying pace that he felt his stomach churn.
Fire shooting up from the ground, but going around him...The pendulum passing through him, not even tangible...the sequence of glowing tiles inconsequential...the boulder stopping just short of touching him, and retreating as he confronts it and- "Everything's riiiiigged!"
Steven hung his head and forced himself to breathe- in for 4, out for 8, just like the pamphlet said. He repeated this a few more times until the room felt like it had stopped spinning, and the pain in his skull receded to a dull ache.
Steven frowned and rubbed his forehead with one hand, blinking his eyes open as the memories- and his stomach- settled into place, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.
The gems had tested him, lied to him, and from what little he heard of their conversation downstairs, they were doing it again.
Hurt and frustration propelled him to his feet, but the abrupt movement caused another wave of dizzyness to assault him, and his knees buckled.
Steven swung his arm out in an attempt to catch himself against the wall but missed, and with a small cry, he fell down the first half of stairs and landed unceremoniously on his stomach, arms pinned beneath him and his chin smacking against the floor.
The combined shouts from the gems drowned out his pained groan, and Steven could hear their hurried footsteps as he began pushing himself up from the ground.
"Steven!"
Pearl reached him first, crouching just at the top of the first set of stairs. Her delicate hand on his shoulder as she helped guide him back into a more seated position.
"Are you hurt?" Her worried blue eyes looked him up and down for signs of injury. "What on Earth happened?"
The frustration and hurt that had spurred him to his feet were still there, but the embarrassment of his fall, and Pearls concerned gaze, had shaken his confidence.
"I'm- I just- I was-"
Half-formed thoughts were tumbling from his mouth, but when Pearl's other hand reached out to touch his cheek, Steven immediately pulled away.
"Don't."
The startled and wounded look on Pearl's face sent a jolt of guilt through him, but her concern and gentle touch were too much for him to handle right now. He pulled his legs up and wrapped his arms around his knees, protectively; he wanted to cry, and he hated it.
"Steven..." Pearl's forehead creased with worry, but she made no move to touch him again.
"Is this one of those flashback thingies?" Amethyst asked, darting an anxious look up at Garnet.
Steven shook his head.
"It's not a flashback," he muttered sullenly, turning his gaze off to the side as he hugged his legs even tighter, "I'm fine."
"Dude, you just face planted on the stairs," Amethyst pointed out incredulously, "And you look like your gonna throw up or something; that is not fine."
"Steven," Garnet was already kneeling halfway up the stairs, but she ducked her head as if trying to catch his gaze, "Please talk to us."
Steven looked up at their worried faces and then back down at his knees; his chest felt tight.
"It's..it's not fair."
Although the statement confused them, their gazes were patient and attentive, and it made him feel brave enough to finally voice his grievances.
"You guys promised you'd start taking me to places and, and letting me meet people but," he shook his head, heat rising to his face as his vision blurred with tears, "I heard you. You don't think I can handle it, and you used the trip to the observatory to test me, just like the thing with the sea spire statue!" his voice rose louder, "And that test inside the temple, with all those fake obstacle courses!"
"Wait. What?!" Amethyst exclaimed.
"It's not fair!" He repeated, words pouring out of him in a heated rush, "It's not my fault I can't remember, or that I get flashbacks, and you promised! You can't just, just keep me trapped here!"
The image of the blue gem from his dream sprang forward, her expression fierce and angry.
"I'm Lapis Lazuli, and you can't keep me trapped here anymore!"
Steven gasped, instinctively jerking back against the wall.
"Steven!"
"They're not going to let us leave."
Steven turns his attention back toward the blue gem, confused and frightened by the turn of events.
"Leave?"
She raises her hand, effortlessly parting the ocean to create a path forward before she speaks.
"Steven, come with me."
His heart pounds loud in his chest, eyes wide and uncertain.
"Where?"
Her expression softens, and when she answers, her voice is wistful.
"Home."
Pearl's low calming voice filtered through as the memory faded, and Steven could finally focus on what was happening in the present. Pearl was on her knees before him, palms facing outward and eyebrows drawn together in obvious concern.
The memory had brought back the ache in Steven's head, and his heart was still beating a little too fast, but he could feel his breathing start to regulate as he listened to Pearl's steady reassurances.
"You're home, and you're safe," she promised, "We're right here. It's okay."
Steven threw himself forward, wrapping his arms around Pearl's middle and crying softly. The previous hurt and anger he'd felt seemed inconsequential now. His head ached, and his stomach felt queasy again, and he just wanted to curl up against Pearl and not think about anything.
Pearl immediately wrapped her arms around the boy, pulling him further into her lap as he softly wept into her shirt, his shaky hands now loosely gripping the edges of her jacket.
"M'sorry," He mumbled, sniffling.
Pearl gently shushed him, telling him he had nothing to be sorry for, running her fingers through his curls affectionately. He wanted to respond, but the words kept slipping away, his mind filled with static. He had never had so many flashbacks and memories occur in such a short period, and it had taken its toll.
Pearl seemed to understand.
"We can talk later," she promised, fingers still carding through his hair, "Just rest for now."
Steven let out a shaky sigh as he closed his eyes and turned his head to lay against her chest. The longer they stayed there together, the quieter his head became, until the tension in his body eased, leaving him soft and relaxed.
After several long moments of silence, Pearl softly announced that he was asleep.
"Okay, now that,' Amethyst pointed out morosely, "was definitely a flashback."
"We should move him to the couch," Garnet suggested.
Pearl nodded and stood, effortlessly holding the boy against her. Steven didn't stir at the movement, his arms limp at his sides, and his breathing soft and even.
It was a slow and silent process as they settled on the couch. Pearl sat with her back against the corner, shifting Steven's head to her lap, her arm over his shoulders. Garnet got a blanket from the closet and draped it over the sleeping boy before sitting by his feet, laying one of her hands against his lower back. Amethyst perched herself on the table, cross-legged and staring worriedly.
After some time, she finally spoke.
"Did you hear what he said?" She asked, "About the test we gave him in the temple?"
Garnet looked off to the side, and Pearl flinched.
"He knew it was rigged." Amethyst stated, sounding lost, "He knew the whole time, but he acted like he didn't. I don't get it."
"He was trying to make us feel better." Garnet answered, one hand slipping under her visor as if to wipe away a tear, "I didn't see it at the time."
"We didn't want to see it." Pearl lamented, staring down at Stevens calm face, "We wanted so badly to build his confidence, but he ended up building ours instead."
"But that's not fair," Amethyst protested, frowning, "He was just a kid; it wasn't his job to make us feel better."
"No, it wasn't." Garnet agreed, "Unfortunately, it's the role Steven played more often than not."
"And we allowed it," Pearl tearfully added, moving to brush some loose curls behind the boy's ear, "Oh, Steven."
Amethyst groaned in defeat.
"We messed up then, and we're messing up now too," She declared, slouching in on herself, "Steven was right; it's not his fault he can't remember, and it's not fair to keep him trapped here."
"I never intended to keep him here indefinitely," Pearl tried to explain, "I was just so afraid that we'd take him somewhere that would trigger a bad memory, and I-" she stopped herself, pinching the bridge of her nose in sudden realization, " I let my own feelings get in the way. Again."
"I've been overly cautious as well," Garnet revealed, "These flashbacks are beyond my ability to predict, and facing an unknown future made me uneasy."
"Hey, I get it; we're all scared," Amethyst said, "But so is Steven." She looked at each of them in turn, "He needs to know that we have his back."
"At least you always do," Pearl smiled slightly at the purple gem, "You tried to convince us."
"We should have listened." Garnet stated, smiling some herself, "You are the most mature Crystal Gem, after all."
"Ugh, shut up, you guys." Amethyst blushed, glaring down at the ground. "So, do you know when he'll wake back up, or.."
"He'll sleep for several hours at least, " Garnet replied, "Plenty of time for us to decide where his first trip out will be." she touched her visor, "Hm, Interesting."
The other two looked at her questioningly.
"It looks like we'll be getting another visitor as well."
"Visitor?" Pearl questioned.
Just then Steven stirred, turning onto his back and mumbling under his breath, "Lapis...laz..li..." before settling back down, mouth open and snoring softly.
Amethyst smirked.
Pearl looked apprehensive.
Garnet adjusted her visor again.
"This could go any number of ways."