Chapter Fourteen: Tampered Souls
"So! We all agree that this is Matthew's fault, right?"
"My fault?! All I did was try and rescue both of you ungrateful meat sacks!"
"Maybe if you hadn't lied—!"
"I didn't lie—!"
"You told me it was a bunch of gnomes!"
"I thought it was and you believed me!"
"You convinced me to because Matthew Emmett Pines knows everything apparently!"
"Not everything, lots of things, this just wasn't one of them. Now, I politely demand for you to hop off my back!"
"I—"
"Brothers!"
Bill and Pine Tree seized their bickering to turn to their scowling sister. "It's neither of you guys's fault okay? Norman tricked us!"
"He didn't trick me," Pine Tree said. "I called that he was a zombie, remember? And guess who refused to listen to me and tell me how to get rid of him accordingly?"
"Oh, for the love of—!" Bill instinctively lunged forwards but was abruptly halted by the rune covered chains wrapped around his body that kept him pinned against the tree he was now slumped against. Instead, he opted for narrowing his eyes at the infuriating little monster.
"Mattie, do you have any lock picking spells we can use?" Shooting Star piped up before the fight could continue, wiggling against her own chains.
Bill gave Shooting Star a condescending smile. "Do you think we'd be still here if I did?"
Shooting Star puffed up her cheeks and looked away with a scowl. "I was just making sure, sheesh."
"Y'know this is an incredibly unfortunate situation," Soos chimed in from another tree. "But being kidnapped by a zombie? You gotta admit that is pretty awe—"
"Shut up, Question Mark," Bill snapped bitterly as he glared at the late afternoon sun glowing beyond the swaying trees.
So he'd been wrong about the zombie—which made no sense. He knew this situation, he'd been watching the Pines Twins almost constantly in his old timeline from the second they set foot in this dumb town and he remembered this particular gnome event with amused fondness.
Or at least had.
What did this mean for the rest of the timeline? Would the Gobblewanker be an actual monster instead of a robot? Would Gideon genuinely be a good kid? And why the change in the first place? Had Damien ruined this timeline so much that things would be forever unpredictable?
Bill frowned and felt familiar worry clench his heart. Now more than ever, the world was dangerous for a powerless loser like himself.
"Sorry for the wait," a voice rasped, causing the Pines and Soos to sharply turn towards the limping Norman as he dragged a sack across the ground towards them. "Had to get some stuff."
"Norman how could you do this? I thought we had something!" Shooting Star cried forlornly as Norman stepped in front of her.
"Yeah...I'm...I'm going to admit this is pretty scummy. Sorry," Norman said, dropping the back and opening it. "Anyway, don't worry. This won't hurt—I think. I dunno."
"What do you want from us, man? Huh?" Pine Tree demanded, tugging the chains sharply.
Bill watched the zombie drag out a long mirror with a strange but familiar symbols painted on the front.
"He's trying to steal our life force," Bill said darkly, clenching his fists and trying—and failing once more—to produce a flame. The runed chains effectively stopped that.
"Yeah," Norman said, blinking at the demon in surprise as he stood it upwards on a stand. "How'd you know?"
"Life force?" Soos asked worriedly. "As in like...souls? Dude, are we gonna die?"
"Uh...yeah. Sorry," Norman said. "I mean I don't really know how potent your soul is going to be because I haven't gotten to know you like I did Mabel and so killing you might be a waste of time but oh well, that's how the cookie crumbles I guess."
Shooting Star gasped in horror and Bill groaned while slamming his head against the tree multiple times. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Why didn't he just check to make sure Norman wasn't a stupid Zombie trying to get his life back?
"It it makes you feel better, the spell won't work until nightfall so you got time to say your goodbyes and stuff," Norman said oh so helpfully. "Anyways, I'm going to go eat some...pancakes or something," Norman muttered as he left the clearing and began walking off.
Once he'd disappeared, Pine Tree immediately said, "Okay, guys. Now we need a plan."
Bill snorted. "What are you going to do, Loser? Break the chains?"
"Well we have to think of something!"
"Face it, we're done for," Bill grumbled, although silently willing The Axolotl to conveniently pop up to the rescue.
"We'll think of something, because I have a bone to pick with that zombie jerk!" Shooting Star said with a growl.
"Well, since Pine Tree suggested it, he can also think up the plan," Bill said simply, earning a glare from the younger boy.
"Fine!" Pine Tree snapped. "I'll do it all on my own. And when we're all saved you owe me big time!"
...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...
Axolotl sat perched on the windowsill belonging to one Damien as he poured tea for his sister.
He smiled warmly and said something Axolotl couldn't hear and Bill's mother responded with a shake of her head and sigh.
Damien tried to talk again, but Ellie had stood sharply with another shake of her head and left the dining room, leaving her frowning brother in her wake.
Still watching her departed figure, Damien rose a hand and twirled his finger in a circle, causing the window to slam open and Axolotl to blink in surprise.
"It's illegal to go on people's property without permission," he said, giving the Axolotl a sideways glance. "But I'm sure you knew that. That's why you're hiding, yeah?"
Axolotl didn't respond to that, instead opting to leap through the window and look up at the man with curious eyes. "It's odd...and the tiniest bit frustrating that I can't tell what exactly you are."
"What I am?" Damien laughed, getting off his chair and crouching before the Axolotl. "That's a bit rude, don't y'think? I'm a sentient living being with complex thoughts and emotions—just like you, and Ellie, and Matthew."
"I'm sure you know what I mean," Axolotl responded simply.
Damien's smile broadened and his eyes flashed red briefly. "Why does it bother you, what I am?"
"Other than the fact that you somehow had the power to ruin a timeline?" Axolotl said.
Damien shrugged and stood up. "Touché," he said, walking to the fridge. "I'm not fixing it, if that's what you want."
Axolotl leapt atop the table and watched as the man took a yogurt cup from the fridge and ripped the top off with his teeth. He simply sighed and said, "I figured that would be the case, which is why—"
"You've been spying on me for that past five hours? Okay," Damien took a spoon and began eating, and though a mouthful of yogurt said, "Oh! Matthew's about to die by the way."
Axolotl sat ramrod straight. "I beg your pardon?"
"Zombie," Damien said offhandedly. "I checked on him at lunch and it slipped my mind I suppose."
Axolotl had hopped through a small portal before Damien had even finished speaking.
...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...
"So, Pine Tree! Bright ideas?"
"Give me a second!"
"You've been saying that for the past five hours, dweeb!"
"Guys! Not again!"
The two boys turned to Mabel who was glaring angrily at the both of them. "Dipper can't figure out a plan because you two dumb-dumbs keeping jabbing at each other!"
"Well maybe if Matthew wasn't such a huge jerk all the time—!"
"If Loser wasn't such a pathetic whiny—"
"Stop calling me that!"
"Hey, you hate it when I lie right? A loser's what you are, so loser's what I'm going to—"
"Hey, dudes!" Soos interrupted cheerfully. The three siblings turned to him as he produced a screwdriver from his pocket. "Just found this while looking for comfort food—do you think this can pick a lock?"
"What lock Question Mark?" Matthew sneered and Mabel flinched at his tone. Soos was just trying to help, and she told him so immediately.
Matthew rolled his eyes. "Well he's not very helpful is he—" he paused, eyes widening.
He glanced around his shoulder briefly, before nodding slowly.
"Did you find a plan? Because please, please, we're all ears!" Dipper said sardonically.
Matthew didn't answer, instead he closed his eyes and breathed deeply, his body glowing in the late evening light.
Mabel and Dipper exchanged a wide eyed look before turning back to their brother as the chains around him shattered and the links decorated the grass. Seconds later, the same happened to Mabel, Dipper, and Soos's chains.
"Oh man, dude that was awesome!" Soos cried excitedly as Matthew stood, a familiar pet Axolotl leaping onto his shoulder.
"Alexander? What are you—?" Dipper began before Matthew cut him off.
"We're getting out of here before that creep comes back, move."
The twins scrambled to their feet along with Soos and dashed through the sunset drenched woods, Mabel saw Matthew turn to Alexander and hiss something at him before scowling and rolling his eyes, looking away.
Huh. She wondered if she would ever have a psychic animal bond someday.
"Can we...can we make it back before nightfall?" Dipper asked in between laboured breaths as he looked up at the slowly dipping sun in the sky.
"Maybe...if we find...Mr. Pines's car?" Soos panted in response.
Matthew scoffed. "That outdated hunk of trash is definitely not—" he paused, glancing at Alexander again before clearing his throat and saying. "You know what? We can give it a try."
"If we...can still find it," Dipper said worriedly as he scanned the woods. "Chances...are we might—"
From between a row of trees, Norman stepped out with a frown. Mabel screamed in fear and skidded to a stop along with Soos and Dipper, but Matthew didn't.
"Look," Norman said, putting up his hands. "Just stop, you're not escaping—ARGH!" Matthew's fist lit up with flame and he slammed it into the zombies's face.
Mabel gasped and covered her eyes as she heard a sickening snap and gush followed by a soft thud.
"That won't hold him off forever, don't stop unless you fancy chains again!" Matthew barked. Mabel peeked from beneath her hands and covered them again as she saw Norman's headless body crawling towards the charred flesh of his face.
"Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!" She whined.
Dipper took her elbow and led her away so she wouldn't have to look but could still run and she mumbled a queasy thanks.
"There! I see it!" Dipper called. Mabel uncovered her eyes and looked to where her twin was pointing to—a dented brown car that could only be Grunkle Stans's.
"Aw man," Soos said with a frown as they stopped before the steaming and hissing metal. "I see myself as a pretty good handy man but…"
"You aren't going to fix a thing, Question Mark," Matthew cut him off as he opened the drivers' door and plopped into the seat. Alexander leaped from his shoulder and landed on the dashboard as the teen took in a deep breath and turned the ignition.
The car roared to life.
"How did you even do that?" Dipper exclaimed in awe.
Matthew raised an eyebrow and lit a blue flame on his fingertip.
Dipper blushed and looked away sheepishly. "Oh. Right...yeah good point."
Mabel looked anxiously over her shoulder before opening the back passenger seat and scrambling in, bouncing her knee nervously. Dipper slid in beside her with an equally nervous demeanor as Matthew reversed the creaking vehicle and put the volume to the max.
"Alright, Norman," he said with a vicious grin. "Time to meet your maker!"
"Ugh. Stop running!" Norman groaned loudly from the woods. Matthew flashed the cracked headlights at him and grinned even broader as his finger hovered on the radio button. The zombie lumbered forwards reaching into his ratty sweater for something.
"Say goodbye you undead sack of—!" Norman rose a weird looking hand mirror and Matthew froze, eyes wide and body tense.
"Thing is...kinda knew you might escape. Sort says a lot about my self-esteem...but anyway, I have a hand mirror, so jokes on you, I guess," Norman said with a casal smile. "Oh and you soul's super potent, so...laughs for me."
Matthew gasped, back arching and eyes rolling back as his body became outlined in an eerie silver.
"Matthew!" Mabel exclaimed as Soos screamed in horror. Alexander's tiny form sprang out of the cracked front window while Dipper was already throwing open the door and charging at her crazy ex.
"Dipper!" Mabel said, focusing on her twin brother this time as Soos tried shaking Matthew vigorously in a failed attempt to wake him up.
Norman turned to Dipper and aimed the mirror at him instead. He quickly dropped to the ground, beam slamming into a terrified owl and causing it to drop limp.
"Ugh, darn. Now I have a useless animal soul in here…hold still while I—NO!" Norman cried as Dipper snatched a rock and chucked it hard at the mirror's glass. The rock connected and it began to shatter as Soos kicked open the door with a limp Matthew in his arms.
"We're almost there dudes; keep running!" He said, but Mabel wasn't listening; seeing Matthew so weak and limp was not something she was going to let fly. Her angry eyes flickered to the open front door seat and she charged towards it.
"Mabel! Come back!" Dipper yelled as Mabel threw herself onto the old leather seat and jammed the radio button. She wasn't sure what it would do to Norman but—
She squeaked and clamped her ears shut as an old-timey band blared in her ear, singing about old-timey love stuff.
Norman screamed and did the same thing, dropping the mirror and gripping his skull.
"Turn. It. Off! ARGH!" His head popped like a balloon and green blood splashed all over the driver window, some splattering on her through the semi-broken glass. Mable inhaled slowly, eye twitching as Dipper and Soos ran over to her.
"Hey, Mabel, you did it!" Dipper exclaimed proudly as Mabel shimmied towards the door opening and vomited onto the grass.
...A-X-O-L-O-T-L…
If it wasn't for the whole Stan switcheroo fiasco, getting his soul almost sucked out would probably have been the most traumatizing experience for Bill ever.
It was as if he'd been...torn. He was here but not here, there but not there. He couldn't see and confusion swam through his otherwise static mind while something deep and buried slowly crept its way to the surface—
And then he was shooting upwards and gasping for air.
"Mattie! You're okay!" Shooting Star cried happily, flinging herself at him and squeezing tightly. Bill blinked dazedly at his surroundings, rubbing away the blur from his eyes and coughing.
"Where am I?" He croaked.
"Back at The Mystery Shack," Pine Tree said, standing some ways off. "Soos carried you back. You were...you were pretty out of it."
"You didn't drive?"
"We figured Grunkle Stan would kill us if we brought his car back looking like a mess," Mabel chriped, pulling her head from his chest and beaming at him. "So Soos called a tow truck!"
"Just don't mention it and he won't ask! That's what I do everytime I break something from the gift shop!" Soos said with equal cheer.
Mabel's smile faded then as seeming realization hit her and she pulled away from Bill with a sigh, glancing between both him and Bill with a frown and twiddling fingers. "Y'know...this is all my fault. I should've listened to Dipper when he said Norman was no good. I'm sorry guys."
"Hey, it's cool," Pine Tree said good naturedly as Bill eased himself to his feet with a groan and a hand on his forehead.
As the two continued to talk it out, Axolotl jumped onto his shoulder. "Bill, are you alright?" He asked worriedly.
Bill snorted. "Just peachy!"
"I'm serious."
"Use your common sense, Axolotl. Do you think I'm alright? Ow." Bill winced as he looked up at the moon. "Why's the moon so bright?" He grumbled, blinking away the spots in his vision.
"What exactly is it?" Axolotl asked urgently.
Bill shrugged and leaned against the porch railing. "Nothing too bad I suppose—I just feel like I'm possessing a hungover human, which I mean technically I am? You know with the whole two souls one bo—" he paused as he noticed Soos not so subtly watching him from the corner of his curious eyes, fingers tapping one another innocently.
Bill squinted at him and shimmied away a few paces sideways before looking over at Axolotl who looked considerably more stressed than usual—which was really saying something.
"What's got you so worked up?" Bill asked, poking the lizard in the nose.
Axolotl swished his tail and sighed. "It's...best I don't say, I feel."
Bill blinked twice before scowling at him. "Okay, now I really want to—"
"Hey, Matthew!" Shooting Star called from the porch. "You coming in?"
"Go on, I have some business I need to take care of," Axolotl said before leaping off Bill's shoulder and skittering off into the woods.
"Hey!" Bill yelled after him, glaring into the darkness before marching up the porch steps grumbling. Stupid vauge lizard.
"Did...why did it seem like you had an argument with our pet lizard?" Pine Tree asked in confusion.
Bill gripped the door handle tighter than needed and tossed a withering glare over his shoulder. Pine Tree squeaked and cowered before looking away with an indignant scowl and a grumbled "Geez, sorry."
As they entered the gift shop, they found Stanley gleefully counting cash by the register, whistling cheerfully and cackling. Bill didn't spare him so much as a glance as he made his way to the staircase, however he felt his frustration peak when he mockingly called, "What happened to you all? Got hit by a bus or something?"
Bill spun around, marched over to the cash desk and slammed his palms against it. "I want to hit you with a bus!" He barked as the old man pulled back in surprise.
"Uh…" Stanley looked awkwardly to the side and said. "You kids want a souvenir instead?"
Shooting Star gasped excitedly. "Really?"
Pine Tree narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms. "What's the catch?"
Stanley turned back to Bill and cleared his throat. "Your brother can't do...that anymore."
"That means we'll lose it in a few days, but we'll enjoy the gifts while we can anyway, Grunkle Stan!" Shooting Star said as she went around the gift shop enthusiastically and ignoring Stanley's, "Wait...what?"
Soos perked up. "Do I get—?"
"No."
The man deflated as Bill nodded slowly. "I accept this flimsy peace offering," he said cooly before turning around and scanning the trinkets.
He didn't think there was anything he really wanted in this shack of rip-offs but—
Bill's eyes suddenly landed on the most glorious thing and a broad grin slowly spread across his face. "Yes," He whispered giddily as she dashed towards it at the same time Shooting Star screamed "GRAPPLING HOOK!"
"Woo! CANE!" Bill shrieked as he held up a smooth black cane with a classy silver trim circling the hooked handle. He whacked it against his palm and cried, "Imagine all the bones I can break!" not to mention the (horrible) fantastic reminder of his old form.
Stanley turned from Shooting Star dangling from the ceiling to Bill thawking his cane through the air and finally turned to Pine Tree who was admiring his new hat. "You sure you're related to those two?" He asked the boy.
Pine Tree nodded sheepishly.
...A-X-O-L-O-T-L…
Bill didn't really know if he should be worried about The Axolotl's fussing or not. Well...logically he should be but he really didn't feel like thinking about that stupid Norman and his stupid soul sucking mirror and he was weighing the pros and cons of choosing to feel either concern or flippantness.
Speaking of that bastard…
"What happened to him anyway?" Bill asked the twins. Pine Tree was writing in Sixer's journal and Shooting Star was bouncing on her bed.
Pine Tree paused to give Bill a confused look. "Who?"
"Norman."
"Oh, Mabel blew his head up with the radio after I shattered his soul mirror thing," Pine Tree said with a self-satisfied smile.
"Oh," Bill said casually. Well at least he wouldn't have to worry about him anymore—
"'Oh?' That's all?" Pine Tree demanded.
Bill blinked slowly at him. "What do you want me to say?"
Shooting Star groaned loudly and stopped jumping, plopping down with an annoyed scowl and swiftly hiding under the blankets from the newest battle.
"How about a 'thank you?'"
"For?"
"For saving your life obviously!"
"Nah, I kinda don't want to owe you, you see."
"Are you serious?"
"Very."
"You don't owe me and Mabel anything, all we're asking is a thank you!"
"No, you are. Shooting Star is taking it all in stride! Aren't you, Shooting Star?"
"La, la, la, la, not here!"
"Why is it so hard for you to say thank you?"
"Because it hurts my soul to say anything nice to you, Pine Tree. Duh!"
"Argh! Why are you so ungrateful?!"
AN: Man. What a delight to write some light hearted Gravity Falls content as the world implodes! Also a huge break of me writing *checks notes* traumatized children, abusive relationships of every kind imaginable, annnd blood. I mean, of course if you've read the original Learning to Love you know it isn't going to be light hearted adventures forever because I NEED angst in my life but for now, have this!
I want next chapter to be posted soon, and YES I mean actual soon not EIGHT FREAKING MONTHS LATER soon. Promise! For now I shall direct you to my (probably outdated) BLM petitions and my Patron! Because I'm broke! 3 (Fantasy's Writing Shop)
Hope you enjoyed!
Fantasy Fan OUT!