Chapter 12

Nothing Is What It Should Be

Arnold

I should be glad that Helga's spending time with her sister. She only sees Olga at family dinners where their parents dominate the conversation – or so Helga tells me. Helga and Olga don't seem to get enough one-on-one bonding time like me and my little brother. That should be a requirement for any sibling relationship. I should be happy that they're hanging out. So what if the date gets cancelled. I can wait a little while longer. But not much longer.

It's been a while since I've come to school before first period, but I'm here to deliver the video of Lila and Ruth's afterschool program to Burt. It's something he likes to do before uploading any video to the school server.

Not many people are at school yet, which is why I'm surprised to see Tommy. He stands in front of the bulletin board sticking a pin into a poster. My teeth grind remembering how he consoled Helga the other day. His fingers sweep against her forehead brushing the hair away. Out of all the fucking people. My thoughts get ahead of me, and before I knew it, I stand in front of him.

"Jesus, you scared me."

I lean against the bulletin board. "Hey, Tommy."

"Wh-what are you doing here?" I must have scared him if he's stuttering.

"On my way to the film club. What are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here?" Tommy repeats my question as if he has to think about it hard. "I'm putting up a new poster for the Literary Club." I scan the area where Tommy's points but for the life of me can't find anything. "That and checking out the new Senior List. A friend of mine's on there."

"Who?"

"Ruth McDougal. Third sexiest."

The list I find easily. It's the only paper that doesn't burst with color. Simple white background with a classic font style. Sure enough, Ruth McDougal is ranked third sexiest girl in the Senior Class. Not surprised. She is the first person I ever had a crush on. Even before Lila and eventually Helga.

Curiosity gets the better of me, and I scan across to the other lists. I don't recognize any of the junior's names, but I only know a handful of them to begin with. I get to the Sophomore List and unsurprisingly see that Lila ranks as the sexiest. I know several guys who have a crush on her. Rhonda's second, which I guess makes sense. She was always too skinny for me. Nadine's a surprise.

"It looks like you and Helga are doing fine." Tommy breaks me away from the list.

"Why wouldn't we be?" I straighten my spine trying to appear taller. The guy has a few inches on me, but I don't back down.

"She seemed distressed the other day."

"Frankly, that's none of your business. I'd appreciate it if you stayed out of mine and my girlfriend's private life."

"Hey, I'm just a concerned friend."

Our eyes lock. I grip my backpack strap and let my elbows swing out. Tommy leans back as if he's mocking me. Sizing me up and down.

"You need to treat her right," he says. "Or you'll lose her." He turns to leave, but like hell will I let him leave that easily.

"Who will I lose her to?" I yell. "You don't know anything about her. Or us."

He doesn't turn back, piece of scum. Who does he think he is?

After getting the video approved by Burt, I stop by my locker. A piece of paper lies on top of my books, and I pick it up. A concert flier. I stick it in my binder to ask my friends what they think about going. It might be fun.

As I switch out my books, footsteps scurry around the corner. I did not expect someone else to not be in class right now.

Whatever. I should figure out what to do for first period. Then second period starts. The third period. By the time I arrive at fourth period, I have concluded that everything is off because I came to school early.

I can't focus. The teacher says something about something and then my eyelids droop. I either rub my hands under the desk or twirl my pen all the while staring out the window. The sun shines on my face, but the autumn chill sits where the heat is supposed to be. Nothing is like what it should be.

The bell rings, and next is AP World with Helga. She should be waiting for me outside her last class. I'm on my way out the door with Gerald in tow when Rhonda calls us.

"Oh Arnold. Gerald. Do you mind if I ask for a minute of your time? It'll be an oh so quick minute."

Gerald asks the question that the both of us are thinking. "What the heck did you just say?"

If I didn't see Rhonda in front of me, I'd probably think Lila was talking. "I would be oh so delighted if I could ask you both an ever so very quick question."

"Sure, Rhonda," I say. "But why are you talking like –"

"Lila? Oh, she is doing an ever so wonderful job at teaching me how to be a proper lady."

"Mmm, mm, mmmm! I do not like where this is going."

"Well tough – I mean," Rhonda takes a deep breath and mutters to herself. "Focus, focus. Center, center. Anyway," she glances back at us. "I am trying to decide a date for my Halloween party. You see, Halloween lands on a Tuesday this year, and my parents won't let me have a party on a school night. So, I decided to take a poll. Would you two rather have a party this week Saturday before Halloween or next week Saturday after Halloween? Your inputs would be ever so helpful."

"Either works." Because I have decided not to go to any more Rhonda Wellington Lloyd's parties. Since we've entered high school, all of Rhonda's parties have involved alcohol, and I am not comfortable with underage drinking. I have managed to avoid it last year, but I don't know when I'll cave. Especially with eager Gerald waiting for a break in his sports seasons to talk me into drinking with him.

"It won't matter for me," says Gerald. "I've got Saturday games for the next few weeks, so I won't be able to go."

"Oh, that's right. Would Friday work better?"

"Not for me. I need my rest to play well, and your parties drain me. In a good way."

"Well, I do tend to throw an oh so good party. I understand. Just make up for your absence with an ever so perfect win."

"Obviously."

We're getting closer to Helga's classroom. I stand on my tippy toes to see over the crowd.

"By the way," says Rhonda. "have you seen the Senior list?"

"How could I not?" says Gerald. "There was a copy of each list in my locker."

"Mine too."

"I didn't get a copy," I say.

"Maybe they skipped over you." Says Gerald.

"Well, this list made so much more sense than that Junior List, except Molly Anderson wasn't on it."

"Who?" Gerald and I ask in unison.

"Molly Anderson? The drop dead gorgeous senior? Anyway, she wasn't on it. So weird, but do you know what's weirder?"

"That we're having this conversation?" I chuckle at Gerald's joke.

"Cindy Bacall is dating some loser."

"I actually know Cindy," says Gerald. "She's a cheerleader. I see her all the time at home games. Nice girl. Glad she's found someone."

"Not just nice," says Rhonda. "Gorgeous. But she's dating some loser with braces and glasses."

"What's wrong with braces and glasses?" I ask.

"Because it classifies you as a geek, duh. Why would she date anyone like that?"

I shrug my shoulders. "Maybe they're childhood friends?" I find my excuse to leave when I spy the pink pom-pom of Helga's beanie. "I'll see you both later." Gerald and I bump fists to do our special handshake, and I snake my way through the crowd. The pink pom-pom on her beanie and her golden loose hair act as a beacon that guides me.

I tap Helga's shoulder. "Waiting long?"

"Hi, Football Head." Helga's voice cracks. Her smile twitches, then fades. She fiddles with the edge of her – since when did Helga tuck in her shirt?

"Did bonding with Olga go that badly?"

"What? No. It actually went really well."

"That's good."

Her fingers still twiddle where her shirt folds into her jeans. "Did you find anything in your locker, too?"

"I did." For some reason, Helga gasps. Something's definitely off. "There was a concert poster in my locker? Did you want to go?"

"A concert poster?"

"You didn't get one? Then what did you get in your locker?"

"You mean you didn't see the –" Helga stops mid-sentence and tightens her fists. "That little weasel. I oughta wring his little neck."

I raise an eyebrow. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing important. Let's get out of here." She intertwines our fingers and pulls me to class. Helga doesn't say anything as we head to class, which means something's on her mind. If she didn't mean the concert poster, then what else was supposed to be in my locker?

Blue eyes focus on her path. A slight blush sits on her cheekbone that differs from its usual shade. Pink instead of the harsh red she gets after exercising or when she becomes embarrassed or excited. I'm unsure if that's relevant to her silence – it probably isn't. But we've been together for so long that it's nice to notice these subtle changes.

I need to focus. Tune everything out and understand what's wrong.

"Take a picture. It'll last longer."

"Sorry." I then remember. "When you asked if I found anything in my locker, were you talking about the lists?"

Helga freezes. We stand in the middle of the doorway to our next class and block a few students coming in. I tug Helga by her shoulders and pull her out of the way.

"You know about the list?" she asks.

"I go to school here, don't I?"

"Why didn't you say anything about it?"

"What's there to say? It's just a stupid list. Besides, the only people I know on there are Lila, Rhonda, and Nadine."

Helga's eyes narrow, and her mouth molds into the shape it does when she's confused.

"Don't tell me you're upset that you didn't make the top five. Helga, you're sexy to me. That's all that should matter."

"It's not about – what did you just say?"

"That I think you're sexy?"

"After that." The way that Helga crosses her arms and cocks her hip to the side tells me that I'm in trouble.

I proceed with caution. "That's all that should matter?"

"Why does it only matter if you think I'm sexy? Don't I have a say in my appearance?"

"Of course." I barely resist a stutter.

"Don't think I waxed my eyebrows and slapped on makeup just for you, bucko."

My mouth gapes. How did I not notice? "You waxed your eyebrows!" That came out louder than I expected.

The whole class stares at us. All except for two seats are filled. I probably make eye contact with everyone including Tommy, who doesn't try to hide himself from cringing. Helga's face is red. Not her usual red, but the kind that borders on purple when you haven't breathed for a while.

I fucked up. "Helga, I'm sorry. I –" The final bell rings.

The teacher stands from his desk. "Class has started, but if the two of you need a moment, you're free to talk outside."

We'd never get that kind of sympathy from a non-AP teacher, but Helga rejects the offer.

"Nope. We're good." She marches to her seat.

Even though we don't have assigned seats, where we sat on the first day of class has subconsciously become our spot. But I wonder if it's okay for me to sit next to Helga right now. Our desks seem closer together when we're in a round compared to the usual rows and columns.

The teacher leads a class discussion, but I can't focus. I eye Helga from my periphery. Now that I'm taking a closer look, I see all of the changes. Her jeans are much tighter. Its outline's more defined, and there's less to imagine. She wears a long necklace despite having never worn accessories before. The only accessories I remember her wearing are her bows and beanies. And, Helga doesn't have on her usual T-shirt. She has ditched it for a tighter long-sleeved shirt that also makes it easier to see more of her figure.

Helga shifts her body to address someone in the front of the class, and I can see the rest of her more clearly. Her lips do seem glossier than usual, but that's all I can tell. I guess she's easing her way into the makeup.

The biggest change is her eyebrows. What has possessed her to shave them? Her unibrow was fine. Adorable even. How it used to crinkle when she laughed or undulate back and forth whenever she suspected something. Why the sudden change?

I bet it has something to do with the list.

Unfortunately, there's something more important that we need to talk about first.

The bell rings. Students go to lunch including Helga. Before she stands completely, I grab her wrists.

"Can we talk?" I ask.

She nods.

Helga leans against someone's locker that stands outside our AP World classroom. Students roam behind us as if we're standing in the middle of traffic. It's a distraction I need to filter out.

"Helga, I'm really sorry." I plead. "I had no intention to be that loud."

"I know." Her eyes stare dead into mine and holds a poker face.

"I mean it. I'm so sorry. You must have been so embarrassed."

"A passing feeling, but nothing compared to everything else that has been going on."

"What else has been going on?"

She swings her back off the lockers. "Are you trying to ignore everything that happened before you told our whole class I got my unibrow waxed?"

"No?" I say it like a question, but I really mean it.

"Arnold," she grabs the back of my hands and massages my palms with her thumbs. "I don't care about what happened before class. I get that it was an accident. If anything, it'll become a funny memory."

I turn my hands over to embrace hers. "Thank you. It's reassuring to hear that."

"However," her eyebrows furrow. It's not like when she had a unibrow and the hair bunched up at the center. This time, wrinkles crumple in the middle. Different, but still adorable. "For the record, I do not need your reassurance that I'm sexy. It's nice to have, but I didn't do this glow up for you."

"Okay."

"No," Helga pinches the bridge of her nose. "That's not completely true." I pull her hand from her face so she can see my smile. She smiles back. "Maybe a small part of me wanted to get some kind of reaction out of you, which by the way. What the heck Football Head? It took you forever to notice."

"Sorry. I can't think of a good excuse."

"But onto my main point. A part of me wanted you to think I was pretty, but another part of me wanted everyone to think that I'm pretty. And another part of me – well, maybe I wasn't thinking about it back then. But since I've changed my appearance, I now actually like how I look? That's mind blowing."

"You didn't like how you looked before?" I grip Helga's hands tighter and pull her closer. How can she think that when she's so great? I want to comfort her, but she doesn't seem to need it.

"Not really, no." The words sting my heart, but Helga's unfazed. It's as if she's contemplated this for so long that it no longer holds any meaning. "But I do now. Like, after the esthetician showed me my brows for the first time, I thought, 'damn. I am one fine Chica.'"

She has a sly smile as she tells me this sad story.

"I felt so much more empowered, and that was only with the eyebrows. What would it have been like when I put everything together – the makeup and the clothes. I'm really glad I did it."

"At least you like how you look now." But how long will this last? Is there anything I can do to prevent this in the future?

"So, I don't need your approval. Got it, bucko?" Helga scowls.

I tease an inch closer to her. Helga may not like PDA, but maybe a short distance will be okay. Her scowl becomes soft, which tells me my intuition is right. "Chrystal."

"Good." She surprises me by a peck on the lips. "Now, let's get to lunch. I heard a rumor that there's brownies, and I'll be damned if the seniors get them all."

"Whatever you say, Helga."

After we round the long cafeteria line, Helga and I make it outside to the lower classmen area. The still autumn air creeps under my rolled-up sleeves, and mud squishes under my converse. The metal tray numbs my fingers as Helga and I scurry to our usual lunch table.

Our table typically comprises of about eight people, which packs us in worse than sardines in a can. It's not even elbow to elbow, but shoulder to shoulder. Trays angle and arranged so they don't overlap and can fit on the flat surface. Thighs awkwardly knock against the other person's. We do our best. We have all been friends since grade school, so this is better than having some people sit on the grass.

Three people are at the table when Helga and I arrived: Phoebe, Gerald, and a friend whom we nicknamed Peapod Kid because he played the peapod in a school play once. Helga and I make six, and we have seen Sheena and Joey still in the cafeteria line, which makes seven. That leaves only one person left – Lila.

"Sup, everyone." Helga places her tray down. "Where's Miss Perfect?"

"Getting some ice cream." Phoebe smirks.

Helga pauses mid-way into sitting leaving her butt to squat over the bench. "There's ice cream?"

"I don't know what my baby means about ice cream," says Gerald. "But, Lila mentioned something about finding for Rhonda."

"As long as The Princess doesn't sit with us." Helga stuffs mashed potatoes in her mouth.

"I believe that's what Lila implied when she said she'll be looking for Rhonda," says Phoebe.

Helga stabs her fork in a mound of chili standing it upright. "No way. We're overcrowded as is."

"That's what I said!" Peapod Kid talks with his mouth full. "By the way, Helga. Did you wax your eyebrows?"

"Oh my god, that's what's different!" Gerald yells.

Helga flies her hand back and forth. "Yeah, yeah. I got a glow up, but there are more pressing matters here, people! Why can't The Princess eat at her usual table? Inside the cafeteria! What, did she and Wolfgang break up?"

"They were never together." Phoebe points out.

"But they had a thing, right? I always see them together."

"Hello, everyone. I hope you have been having an ever so wonderful day." Lila inflects her voice upward. "I brought Rhonda with me."

Helga tries to be discreet about not making eye contact with Lila, but I notice. She swirls the mashed potatoes into the chili never glancing up. She did something similar towards the end of last week too.

"Hello, everyone. It is oh so kind of you all to let me sit with you for today."

"We never –"

"You can sit with us any time, Rhonda."

"Hair Boy!" Helga scolds.

"We're already crowded. Having one extra person won't change that."

She glares at me but reluctantly gestures them to sit.

"Thank you, ever so much Arnold," says Rhonda. "I just absolutely adore how you're always so thoughtful and kind."

"Thanks?" Nothing about that sounded sincere.

"And, Phoebe," Rhonda continues. "I just think it is ever so amazing how clever you are in your classwork."

"I appreciate your compliment."

"And, Gerald. My how you have become oh so muscular recently."

Gerald flexes. "You mean these guns?"

"And, Peapod Kid. I just think it's oh so brave of you to keep your childhood nickname after all these years."

"Appreciated."

"What. Are you going around the table?" Helga asks.

"It's an exercise Lila asked me to do."

Helga leans in. "Then what's my compliment?"

Before Rhonda could say anything to Helga, Sheena and Joey arrive with their plate of food. "Oh, thank god."

"What are you doing here, Rhonda?" asks Sheena. "Did the juniors and seniors kick you out?"

"Of course, they didn't kick me out. I came here because Lila invited me."

"That's nice," says Sheena. "Do you think we can squeeze in?"

"Seriously? It's so crowded. Can't you find another ta - ow!" Rhonda rubs her leg and glares up at Lila, who raises an eyebrow back at Rhonda. "I mean, here. Let's move a little more." The table scoots to make room for Sheena and Joey. It's a tight fit, but we somehow manage to make it work.

"By the way, Sheena," says Rhonda. "I have always loved how ever so long your hair is."

"Really? Then why'd you cut yours?"

"Personal preference. I have always found short hair more manageable."

"That's true."

"And, Joey," says Rhonda. "I am absolutely envious of your oh so unforgettable personality."

"Aw, thank you."

"That seems to be everyone. Thank you all for allowing me to eat here. I am ever so grateful."

"Your welcome." Helga says with a sarcastic tone.

"Rhonda." Lila scolds just above a whisper.

Rhonda rolls her eyes at Lila. "Oh, all right. Helga." Rhonda's jaw drops. "Holy shit, Helga! Did you get your brows? And your face? And is that a necklace? Damn, girl. You look hot."

"Thank you."

"I did not expect this from you. Well done. I also think you'd look good in –"

Rhonda blabbers on about Helga's new style. I don't like it. Yeah, she's pretty now, but she was pretty before.

I can't tell if Helga's paying attention to this crap. She's mostly interested in her food, but every now and then she raises her head giving Rhonda her attention. It's not until halfway into the lecture when Helga holds her hand up. I initially thought Helga had stopped Rhonda because Rhonda's annoying, but it seems to be about something else.

Helga leans her head back to peer at something in the distance. "Hey, Rhonda. How about you write me a memo, and I'll get back to you." Helga takes her unfinished tray with an untouched brownie and darts to the cafeteria. Weird. It's not like Helga to not finish her lunch.

"It seems that Helga's finally matured. About time she had her glow up."

"Rhonda, just shut up."

"Excu-"

"Helga's always been pretty. She doesn't need your help with that."

"Oh, Arnold, you are so delusional. You are the only one who would think that. Especially after the Sophomore li-" An iPhone rings interrupting Rhonda. "If you will excuse me for one moment, please." At least she said please.

She wiggles out of the table and answers the call far enough that we barely hear her. That is until –

"Are you kidding me! Daddy! This is ridiculous! How can you do this to me!"

Everyone outside watches Rhonda make hysterics. It is more silent now than before she had answered the call.

"Where did you even find it! I threw it away! Oh my god, Daddy! You're making a big deal out of nothing! Fine! If you want me to be miserable for the rest of my high school existence, then be that way!" Rhonda hangs up and cries.

"Daddy's making me cancel my Halloween party because I'm failing Health." Rhonda sobs into Lila's shoulder.

"It's okay. There, there."

"I'm sorry, Rhonda." Even though I had no intention of going to that party and even though I am still mad at Rhonda, I don't want her to be sad. Let alone cry.

"Thank you for your sympathy, Arnold." She blows her nose into one of the napkins from her lunch tray.

While Lila comforts Rhonda, I glance towards the cafeteria entrance. Helga's already left.

How can I make Helga see how pretty she is? If only I can do something.

AN:

I'm anticipating questions about why Eugene wasn't a part of the table. I currently have him show up in at least one chapter somewhere towards the end (right now, it's ch27) that will explain his absence. It has nothing major to do with the plot, and if he does appear in this story, he will be another minor character.

The drama that I mentioned in my last author's note has mostly settled down, but now I'm dealing with a sudden death in my family (unrelated to corona). Everything is very confusing for my family right now, which is why this chapter was delayed. I don't anticipate it impacting any future updates, especially the next one since that chapter seems like it'll be short. Thank you for understanding.

Also, I don't think I've said this enough. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, and followed this story. I especially love reading your reviews and seeing what everyone thinks of the development.