Something's been eating away at Jack for the past two weeks now, and we're at a lost as to what to do.

While he denies the notion, frequently disregarding our concerns with an air of apathy, I knew him well enough at this point to know when he wasn't feeling alright. I mean for Eris' sake, the young man looks about ready to collapse any day now! This random spin on his behavior did not align with the otherwise zestful, goofy, even downright mean-spirited Spicer who desired nothing more than to be as unheroic as humanly possible.

Something serious was going on in his private life, and he was obviously not comfortable with sharing it. While a part of me feels shamefully aroused at the fact that he doesn't consider me worthy of his confidence, the majority of my senses are greatly alarmed by his depressing new attitude.

Supposedly, everything went downhill on the night Jack returned from his excursion with Dust's party. I was unconscious at the time as a delightfully vicious Rookie Killer had gotten done thoroughly abusing me like a worn-out chew toy, but Aqua and Megumin filled me in on most the details.

Firstly, they noted how he had entered the guild alone, without the company of Dust's companions. Even when they eventually made their return and reunited with their original teammate, Jack didn't acknowledge them in any way.

Secondly, Aqua complained about him zoning out during her recap of our misadventure with Dust. Megumin in particular was keen enough to observe his body language when that happened:

"Yeah, and the whole time she was talking, he just kept nodding his head and muttering 'uh-huh' even when she wasn't done explaining something. It was kinda unnerving."

Finally, on the morning after, he didn't make himself present at our usual meetup spot. Megumin and I visited the stable he and Aqua were staying at and found both of them sleeping the afternoon away.

I wasn't terribly surprised to see Aqua oversleeping as she had been off on another one of her long benders the night prior. However, it was quite unusual for Jack to sleep in this late. Even with his atrocious sleep schedule in mind, he's usually up to some degree by now. Very troubling.

When we questioned Taylor about what happened during the goblin quest, he knew about as much as we did. The mission had a few hiccups along the way, but Jack managed to prove himself throughout. Once the goblins were thoroughly slain, they congratulated him for his efforts and that's when he suddenly flew away without warning. Nothing about this added up in the slightest.

After failing to seek answers from Taylor's party, we turned to the next best group of people to ask. Or, rather, the next best group of cognitive golems. Unfortunately, the JackBots didn't prove to be very cooperative for reasons they declared as "classified" in nature. I had to physically restrain Megumin and cover her mouth before she could cast Explosion in frustration.

The only bit of information the metallic constructs were willing to disclose was that they were carefully monitoring Jack day and night in accordance with their protocols. They refused to elaborate any further, though.

In the end, our investigations turned up cold. So much for gaining insight on the situation…

In other pressing matters, new quests were being delayed by the Official Quest Committee as of late. Given the harsh conditions of the encroaching winter season, the only available kill quests at the moment were high in risk. And since all the adventurers who participated in the battle against Beldia were compensated, they were content with simply waiting out the cold until early spring.

But that shouldn't deter our party! We've been shirking our duties for far too long now. All of us need to get active again and I need to experience the thrill of being brutally maimed once more before I die! I voiced these opinions to my friends today at our table.

"That's a great idea Darkness!" cheered the ecstatic little Megumin. "No one wants to accept any kill quests for winter monsters, so now's the perfect time to strike! More experience points for us!"

"Exactly! It's like I always say: the stronger the monster, the better!"

"Sounds like it could be fun," concurred Aqua. "It definitely beats selling lettuce at my day job. It's like, 'So what if nobody wants to buy rotten produce in the middle of the coldest winter? It comes with a free doll I painstakingly crafted out of milk cartons!' That mean old manager will never understand us struggling artists! You know what, you've convinced me, let's go take out my aggression on some ugly baddies!"

"…It's too cold out…"

Quietly, we turned to the source of that meek objection and to the one person who had been occupying the back of our minds for more than we'd like.

He looked awful, just awful. His hair was still matted and unkempt, a clear sign that he didn't have it in him to style it up like before. The leather coat that tightly hugged his body had various food stains caked irregularly, and it was the only thing holding back most of the body odor that had accumulated from a lack of proper hygiene. Long gone were the goggles and fingerless gloves he would ritually wear every day, only now to be replaced by a forlorn sense of defeat.

All in all, Jack was hard to look at. It hurts to see him in such a miserable state, and not in the good way.

"We have to get back to adventuring at some point, Jack…" Megumin argued, although it came out more like a pitiful suggestion than a hard demand. The poor thing had to be the most troubled out of us all when Jack began falling into a slump. She was likely doing her best to restrain herself from breaking down on the spot.

Aqua, however, was reaching her limit with the boy at this point.

"That's it – I've just about had it up to here with your excuses! Every day, it's always a new excuse for why we can't go out on a quest or go out to do anything for that matter. It was relaxing at first, but now I'm getting bored! So, lighten up already!"

Jack raised his head out of his arms to look at Aqua. Even his eyeliner was no longer being applied. While I've never heard of men using makeup before in any capacity, it was still a foreboding reminder that he was not acting himself.

"Can't we just…y'know…do it when winter blows over? Please…?"

"Baka! What's wrong with you already!? Ever since you chickened out on Taylor, you've been acting like a sad orphan for no apparent reason! We're a team, we shouldn't be keeping secrets from one another. Did you learn nothing from that talk we had about trust a while back? Answer me, darn it!"

Jack never answered back. The normally chatty young man simply rested his cheek in his arms, which faced him out toward the crowd and away from us. He just let the conversation die off.

Megumin tried to get him engaged yet again by saying, "Hey, uh, Jacko! Whaddya say we get away from it all and travel to unconquered lands so we can claim them for your tyrannical federation? Huh? Doesn't that sound like evil fun?"

What an intelligent young lady! I decided to assist her by building upon what she said.

"Why, yes, that does sound like the perfect pick-me-up for an aspiring bad guy! Think of all the evil activities that could be accomplished: ransacking villages, impeding heroic adventurers, using me as your own personal meat shield! Oh, the possibilities are ENDLESS~!"

After taking a very brief intermission to revel in my painful daydream, I leaned slightly over to catch a glimpse of any reaction at all on Jack's face…

His face was scrunched up in displeasure and bitterness. He also looked to be on the verge of crying.

Oh shit, we just made the situation worse. No reaction at all would've been more preferable! But why did coaxing him with talk of immorality only serve to exacerbate his condition? Doesn't he dream of world domination, even if he is potentially delusional?

Aqua let out a small sigh and stood up. She elegantly strode around the table, her boots clicking with a stride befitting that of a regal noble and aligned herself in Jack's field of vision. She gently closed her eyes, slowly breathed in, breathed out, and looked at Jack with a soft gaze that only a goddess like her could pull off.

"Spicer-san, as your caring and benevolent goddess, I will broker a deal with you. If you agree to attend a quest with us today, not only will you be allowed to pick one of your own choosing, but we will allow you to keep 26% of the earnings we make. And, just as a little incentive, I will spoil you with the most relaxing treatment I can possibly think of: giving me a foot massage. I take you as a cultured young man who partakes in his foot fetishes. So what do you say? I don't go around giving away these kinds of offers to just anyone you know."

Megumin and I awaited with bated breath.

…

Jack stood up. His movements were sluggish and he was slouching more than usual, but at least he was getting up.

"Whatever. Let's just get this over with."

Aqua hopped with a victory cheer, though her miniskirt was threatening to expose herself when she did. Does she even wear panties in public? Perhaps I should consider doing the same in case of another wardrobe malfunction…

Megumin looked relieved to hear Jack agree despite Aqua's questionable negotiation skills. Had he been his usual self, I imagine he would have argued vehemently with the demigoddess. Oh, how I miss that aggressive side to him, it made me want to fantasize about being the main outlet for his rage~

Anyway, with the full party in agreement, we made our way over to the deserted quest board to allow Spicer to pick out whatever quest he wanted. As expected, the majority of posts explicitly requested for experts. A bit silly if you ask me considering that Axel Town is a city for novices. No wonder most adventurers have steered clear of the board this winter.

However, we are not most adventurers!

After lazily eyeing the posters for quite some time, Jack weakly jabbed his finger at one in particular and mumbled to himself, "The heck is a destroyer…?"

In my head, I read the flyer that apparently had him confused:

The Mobile Fortress, "Destroyer", is on the prowl. Scouts needed to predict its next course.

Ah, the Destroyer. I suppose I shouldn't blame him for his lack of knowledge on that disastrous, renegade contraption; the boy is from a completely different world from ours.

Before I could go into detail, Megumin took the liberty of elaborating.

"It's a big walking fortress that shambles across the lands, leaving nothing alive in its wake, not even the grass!"

The Crimson Demon pretended to take heavy steps as she spoke in order to better emphasize her point.

"It's also weirdly popular with children for some reason."

With an underwhelming shrug, Jack continued to study the board until one quest in particular seemed to have caught his attention.

"A snow sprite kill quest?" He turned to us and asked, "Anyone know what snow sprites are? They don't sound intimidating from the name alone, and it's 100,000 eris for each one killed."

I would've been more than happy to explain all I knew about Snow Sprites to him, but Aqua beat me to it. Unceremoniously shafted to the side yet again~!

"They're small little puffballs with eyes that appear in snowy areas during winter. There's a myth that for every Snow Sprite you kill, spring comes half a day sooner."

For the first time in what felt like forever, Jack's expression shifted into something that was neither somber nor indifferent. He still didn't look particularly happy, but I could detect a lively spark of hope flash in his crimson eyes for a second.

"Really…?" he asked

"So I've heard. Why? You interested in that one?"

Jack gazed back to the poster and then to Aqua again. A moment of hesitation overcame him, but, eventually, he nodded.

"Great, this'll be the perfect time to bust out my shiny, beautiful winter coat! I'm off to go get it, see ya!"

Our energetic Archpriest cheerfully bounced away, leaving us behind.

Megumin said aloud, "I hope I remembered to pack my winter gear before leaving the village…Lemme go check my campsite for it real quick."

And just like that, the Arch Wizard was off to find her warm clothes in the tent she pitched for herself outside the walls of Axel. It was just me and Jack now. Though, speaking of him, he hung his head and stared silently at the ground the moment we were left alone.

That's it, I have got to say something to this boy. I gave him a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder before trying coax him out of his shell yet again.

"Jack? Is there anything you want to talk about? Whatever it is, it can just be between you and me. Crusader's honor."

He didn't move or make any indication that he was listening. Figures. If the last fifty times didn't get him to open up to us, what made me think the fifty-first time would be the charm?

"Well, are you sure you're well enough to take on this quest with us? I won't hold it against you if you aren't."

More disturbing silence.

"Jack, answer me. I need to know if you are fit for the task at hand. This is important."

He flinched at the firm tone in my voice. I had to show a little sternness with him, he shouldn't be taking his health so lightly.

Thankfully, that did make him nod and answer, "Y-yeah, yeah, I'm…I can bring my robots to help. I can…I can do this…"

I don't have the heart to tell about the likelihood of the Winter Shogun making an appearance. It's the first time in weeks that he's willing to give adventuring another shot, I can't discourage him now. If that frozen warrior does show up, I'll have to fulfill my duty as a Crusader and protect him alongside the rest of my companions.

Our Lady Eris, give me strength.

The moment the cold air hit my face was the moment I knew I was going to regret taking this mission. Even if I weren't feeling like shit right now, I wouldn't be enjoying myself out here. Winter's the worst of the four seasons, and I always get depressed around this time of year. I should've sent Sigma Squad out to do the quest and leave it at that, but noooo, my so-called "teammates" just had to push me to go with them.

I grumbled to myself as quietly as I could while we all trudged through the thick snow. The weather diviner called for grainy overcast because it's just par for the course with my luck; gotta have nature reflect my current mood. We were dressed accordingly except for Darkness who choose to dress light because that's just how she rolls I guess. At least one of us was enjoying the crappy weather.

Following the directions given to us by Luna, we made it to the clearing in the evergreens with a large frozen pound off to the side. From the overabundance of Snow Sprites idly floating by everywhere, this was one of the only known hot spots where these little guys were found.

Aqua was right: they really were just white puffballs with eyes.

Personally, I can't stand seeing anything happy while I'm miserable. Let's make sure every last one of these mocking little bastards is dead so I can go home and find temporary peace in my sleep. But knowing me, I'll probably have to cry myself to sleep in order to knock myself out from sheer exhaustion.

I sighed and tried my best to raise my voice so the girls and JackBots could hear me through the obnoxious mewls the Snow Sprites were making.

"Alright, here's the plan: Megumin will start things off by exploding as many Snow Sprites as she can. After that, the Sigma Squad can mop up whatever's left. Umm…you guys, uh, can kill some if you want, I don't really care. Uhm…yeah, that's pretty much it…"

Aqua then raised her hand like she was in school. "I have a question."

"Ugh, what is it now?"

"Can we leave a handful of these cuties alive?"

"What? Why?"

She opened a small crate hooked around her waist. Inside were empty glass bottles neatly lined up.

"I had this really neat idea: I can catch a lot of Snow Sprites and put 'em in these little bottles to make ice for whenever we pack drinks on a trip. That way, when summer rolls around, we can all have refreshing, ice-cold beverages to cool down with on a really hot day! Aren't I clever or what?"

If I wasn't so internally pissed at her for trying to lure me into a false sense of security, I might've been inclined to agree. But as it stands now, I want nothing to do with her or the others. It's only a matter of time before they decide to ditch me anyway. In fact, I'm seriously considering ditching them first so they can't get the chance make a fool out of me because lord knows I'm already the butt of everyone's jokes.

"Um, Jack? Are you…are you still with us?"

Huh? Was that Megumin?

I blinked and I saw her taking a step forward, staff clutched tightly in her mittened hands.

"Look, you're really making me worried now. Are you sure you want to do this? If you'd want, you can always go home and take a nap; we can handle ourselves out here. I-I'd rather you'd be in bed and happy than in the snow and miserable."

Oh cut the cutesy crap ya little faker. The old gullible Jack is gone, this is the new Jack: one who isn't gonna let himself become vulnerable for you.

"…Just cast your magic, alright? Think you can manage that much?"

She looked to be on the brink of losing it. Instead, Megumin bit her lip and nodded solemnly. Smooth move, me, you nearly made a thirteen-year-old girl cry. That's definitely not scrapping the bottom of the evil barrel.

"I'm gonna go sit down for a while…"

Nobody objected as I waddled over to the edge of the frozen pound in my dumb, oversized Alaskan snowshoes. Ten seconds after plopping myself down in the snow and Megumin's Explosion spell went off. The boom was ear-bleedingly loud, the shockwave unbearable, and I got thrown face-first into the hard ice as a result. The impact hurt like hell and I think I broke my nose as a result.

Despite feeling uncomfortable, I felt a strange sense of déjà vu right here in this very moment. My face merging itself to the ground dug up similar memories of me faceplanting on my desk during some especially tough times. All I could do was stare blankly at the surface and question myself further. Like, "What the hell am I doing?", and "Should I just give up?" among others.

Y'know, I could always abandon the girls right now. I mean, it really wouldn't be that hard. Wait for them to kill all the Snow Sprites, then quickly fly back to town with the bots to cash the quest in and leave town before they can make it back. After that, I'll be free from having to risk exposing myself to anybody else ever again. It'll just be me and my robot army against the world, like it's always been.

Yeah…yeah, that could work- -

"Meep!"

I begrudgingly lifted my face off the cold hard ground only to be met with black beady eyes. The Snow Sprite hovered in front of me with the curiosity of a cat.

Without thinking (what a shock), I tried to smack it down to the ground to get it to stop looking at me. I failed, of course, and the damn thing floated away as fast as it could, likely scared out of its wits.

Call it an instance of petty rage, but I wasn't going to let a smug cotton ball get away after seeing me at my lowest point.

I pulled myself up and quickly unsheathed my short sword with newfound energy. Using this momentary spike in adrenaline, I chased the Snow Sprite as it constantly squeaked in what I assumed was terror once it realized it was being hunted. The thought of which actually made me feel a tiny bit better, even if it only lasted for a short while.

I ended up chasing the Snow Sprite to the edge of the frozen pond, but before it could hide in the woods, I cut it cleanly down the middle with one downward slice. The blade went through the wimpy creature like a hot knife through butter, and I was rewarded with the sound of it crying in pain before it vanished into thin air.

Once the deed was done, I got hit with a wave of lethargy so intense, it made me fall to my hands and knees. At least the snow at the pond's edge broke my fall this time around.

What was wrong with me? I've been nothing but tired, angry, and apparently fucking bloodthirsty these past two weeks. It has to be because the weather's mean gray and miserable lately, right? It has to be…

"Woah-ho-hooo! Okay, Jack, I see you over there! You got the moves like it's nobody's business! Who knew you of all people could make a perfect figure-eight? And with those bulky tennis rackets on your feet no less?"

For a second there, I didn't notice the girls were trying to pointlessly make conversation with me yet again. It seems Aqua was using my figure-skating as a springboard. I hadn't even realize I was doing anything super fancy while chasing that damn Snow Sprite before collapsing. Stranger still, they didn't seem nearly as concerned about me now as they were prior to the mission. Guess they mistook my moment of internal dread as simply being winded from the exercise.

"Jack truly is a man full of surprises," said Darkness, hoisting a paralyzed Megumin. "It's yet another trait of his that makes him unique from the mundane slew of today's adventurers."

"What she said!" added the immobilized mage on her back.

All three grouped together, grinning ear to ear, randomly blurting out encouraging comments for something insignificant in the grand scheme of things? Yeah, no, I'm not putting up with the pity praise anymore. At this point I'd rather they be honest and insult me upfront instead of hiding behind fake smiles in a ploy to lower my guard.

"…ack.."

I knew getting too close to these people was a mistake. I should've ditched the blue bitch from the start and live out the rest of my life as my own man.

"J….K..!"

Did I learn nothing from my epiphany in Hong Kong? I promised myself I wouldn't let this happen again and here I am doing exactly that! Man, fuck humans: robots are all I ever need! Why do I always open myself up to random people I don't know? The only road that ever leads down to is Betrayal Highway, shortly followed by Rejection Street and Pain Avenue...

"JACK!"

"WHAT THE DO YOU WANT YOU – !?"

Darkness cut me off from what was going to be a vulgar remark by shoving me behind her back with her blade drawn.

When I glanced back at the spot she was previously standing in, the only people left there where Aqua and Megumin, both of whom were kneeling on each other. How the hell did that woman traverse through 9-inch snow so quickly like that?

Well, the answer to my question was the least of my worries as a blizzard appeared without warning.

"He's here!" I heard Darkness shout, followed by the sound of her sword unsheathing.

When the blizzard let up, everybody, including the bots, stopped to gawk at our new visitor: a large, bulky man made entirely out of ice and garbed in traditional samurai armor (also made of ice). As a white furry cape fluttered behind him, crystal blue eyes lit up from underneath his helmet and he let out a noise that sounded like a mix between a low groan and a hiss.

What is it with giant frozen monsters barging into my life!? First the scary German snowman, now this ice samurai! "Most wonderful time of the year" my ass!

"Jack!"

I whipped my head back around to address the main source of all my problems post Hong Kong.

"What is it, Aqua? I think the ice guy is more important than you!"

She gave me another one of her fugly glares before asking, quite randomly I might add, "You used to live in Japan, right?"

Was she seriously trying to get to know me now of all times!?

"What? No, I lived in America then moved to China; I've only visited Japan once. Why are you asking me this?"

Aqua scrunched her face (almost like she wasn't expecting that kind of answer) but continued regardless.

"Really? I coulda sworn your paperwork said you…Never mind – in Japan, there's a classic saying that's occasionally brought up in weather forecasts this time of year. Not only is he the lord of Snow Sprites, but he is also the very embodiment of a harsh winter..."

She looked me square in the eye, face locked on to mine.

"Spicer, meet the Winter Shogun himself."

Meanwhile, an easily horny Crusader was being backed up two JackBots units ready to attack when necessary.

"I can't believe it…The Winter Shogun: the only sapient monster to have a spot on Belzerg's Most Wanted! Oh, there's no doubt this beast will use his position as a military dictator to shame a subordinate like me. I may be able to resist, but who knows for how long~?"

Darkness' hot, steamy breath was easily distinguishable in the cold air. The bots beside her made those whirring sounds they make to express audible concern. Whether it was from the provided description of the enemy or the perv's ill-timed "fantasies" was anybody's guess.

The shogun brandished a katana made of ice and – within a nanosecond – appeared right in front of Darkness. With speed that made Beldia seem like a turtle in retrospect, he cleanly sliced the blade of her weapon off its hilt, making it land in the snow with a soft thud.

There was no way in hell the bots could react to that in time, even with their advanced targeting systems! That's why they remained hovering in place, patiently waiting for their opponent who's already moved to make a move; they've been virtually softlocked by a computational error!

"M-my sword!?"

Also, I think that might've been the very first time I heard Darkness sound somewhat afraid instead of aroused. This revelation did nothing to quell the stress and anxiety already pent up inside; it only added fuel to the fire.

The Winter Shogun exuded a gust of frosty wind from its closed mouth, a warning sign for us to back off, maybe?

I glanced back at Aqua, silently pleading her to do something. My robots won't be able to help me out now, not while they're busy rebooting themselves.

I also noticed that Megumin was clever enough to play dead when the situation started to look grim. If only I were so lucky and stayed dead the first time, then I wouldn't be up shit's creek without a paddle.

"Fairies like Snow Sprites tap into the subconscious thoughts of humans and take on a form best suited for their survival. You may be the only American I've had to reincarnate, but I've sent a ton of dead Asians to this world. I'll bet some Japanese kid must've had an overactive imagination for this to happen."

As Aqua spat out an unwanted exposition dump, she abandoned her net and held up a jar containing at least half a dozen captive Snow Sprites.

"But it's okay, the Winter Shogun can be reasoned with! If we release his kin and apologize, he might overlook this."

She unscrewed the lid and the sickeningly cheery balls of living snow floated away into the sky, warbling all the way. The frosty beast looked up at the Snow Sprites and his eyes shined in what I can imagine was curiosity.

That's when the stuck-up bitch of a goddess who held herself in the highest regards did something I never thought imaginable:

She bowed down and actually apologized.

"Jack, what are you doing just standing there?" Aqua frantically whispered. "Prostrate yourself so we can be forgiven!"

This was all too much to take in one go. I needed a moment to think.

"You too, Darkness! You have to prostrate yourself before the shogun, it's the only way!"

My eyes lazily directed themselves back to the girl standing defiantly in front of me.

"I'm sorry, but even if there is no one around to witness it, I cannot allow myself to bow before a monster. It goes against everything I was taught about being a Crusader…"

I put two and two together and forcibly shoved her face into the ground in a sloppy attempt to make her bow in submission.

"Think about saving our skin already! Now is not the time to be noble, now is the time to be cowardly!"

"G-get your hands off of me! You're shoving my face into the cold snow! Ahhh~ Your grip is so strong. A-and the ground is so cold; so cold that it burns my cheek. Ahhh, what a reward~"

Don't think about it, Jack, just don't think about it. Think about dead puppies instead…No, wait, ah damn it! That's just making me more upset than I already am!

Suddenly, Aqua screamed something at me in either Chinese or Japanese before switching it in a language I understand.

"Your sword, PUT IT DOWN!"

Oh crap. In all the excitement, I forgot to lower my weapon.

Now, I may not work well under pressure, but I'm also no stranger in these do-or-die type situations. Which is why the best (and only) course of action was to try and block the incoming attack. To my surprise, it kinda worked: despite the Winter Shogun's insane speed, I was quick enough to preemptively deflect his slash attack with my short sword. Of course, that meant my blade met the same fate as Dark's blade, so, in the end, I only prolonged the inevitable.

That's when I heard a chilling howl, followed by a pain that could best described as getting socked in the stomach by the Fist of Tebigong. I felt a rush of air swim past me along with a sharp spike in the pain before everything finally went black.

The first thing I did was jolt straight up and scream bloody murder. But, in my pitiful defense to preserve whatever scrap of dignity I had left, I did just immediately jump back into consciousness after…however long I perceived I was out for.

Once I was through with my mini-panic attack, I noticed I was back in a familiar black realm with a light mist covering a tiled floor.

"The Ying-Yang World…?"

No, scratch that, there aren't any floating Chinese characters. I'm back in that purgatory-like place where I met Aqua after I died.

Ahead of me sat a startled-looking robed nun . Great, as if I weren't already in the red for masculinity points.

Anyway, she radiated that same, hard-to-explain divine aura that Aqua initially had, further supporting my situation. Once the initial shock wore off, the heavenly women spoke in a voice smooth as honey.

"Greetings, Jack Spicer. It is a, er, pleasure to finally make your acquaintance."

Something about this figure was familiar. It was on the tip of my tongue.

"Wait, wait, wait, don't tell me. Uuuhhh…Eris, right? The goddess they named the Fantasy World's money after?"

She sheepishly scratched her cheek and smiled bashfully. "Yes, that would be me. Though I do wish they didn't sensationalize my name like that. It's a bit excessive, not to mention embarrassing."

Don't know what's so embarrassing about having a unit of currency named after you. Heck, that's something I should do for when I take over the planet.

Making a mental note for later, I took a moment to survey my surroundings a second time over. That's when I put two and two together.

"Wait a minute…if I'm here talking to you, does that mean I…?"

I trailed off, partially to let Eris finish for me and partially because I didn't want to admit it myself. Surprisingly, however, the goddess waved her hands in a panic and corrected my assumption.

"Oh, no, no, no, no – you are terribly mistaken! You haven't passed away! At least…not officially."

"Define 'not officially'."

"It's a rather complicated affair. You see, your mortal body has suffered a great deal of physical trauma, so much so that your soul, to put simply, is threatening to depart with it. As we speak, upper management is going through the paperwork to figure out if it's severe enough to be warranted. If not, then you will return to the living and with almost no recollection of our little meeting. The most you'll probably remember is seeing a light at the end of a tunnel for a brief period."

"Huh, did not realize Heaven had its form of bureaucracy to jump hoops through."

Eris sighed, "Yes, it is simply an inescapable facet of the cosmos. But it has to be done anyway. On the bright side, I'd say your chances of living are very high! My senior is renowned for her healing powers, so she should have you back up and conscious in no time!"

Her senior? Oh, she must be talking about Aqua. I kinda forgot Eris was technically her junior. How that idiot managed to climb the pearly white corporate ladder, I'll never know. She must've had connections, that's the only way I can see that happening.

"I can sense you're not too thrilled to hear me mention Aqua."

Am I really that easy to read?

Eris continued, "I've been peeking in from time to time, checking on your progress towards defeating the Devil King. You've accomplished so much since being reincarnated into that world! But I couldn't help but notice your discomfort regarding the allies you've befriended…Do you want to talk about it?"

"What is this, an interrogation!?"

The peeping Tom of a goddess frantically waved her hands in a defensive manner. "Eep! Now now, calm down, calm down! This isn't like that at all! Please, do understand, it was not my intention to make you feel uneasy and I'm terribly sorry for making you think that. Sometimes getting stuff off your chest can be therapeutic. Since this is a safe place, I figured you'd want someone to lend an out, you know?"

"Yeah, well…that still doesn't excuse the spying on me part! It was bad enough thinking a red fat man was doing it while I slept, I don't need you to fill that role."

Blushing, Eris bowed her head to me.

"I know. I'm sorry. I promise I didn't see anything graphic."

Seeing a mature lady like her becoming deeply ashamed and apologizing did kinda help tone down the overwhelming pressure. Maybe it is okay for me to relax- -

SHIT – I'M MAKING THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN!

"Well, either way, I don't have to tell you a damn thing! If you're anything like your moronic blue-haired boss, you'll probably use whatever I say as leverage over me or, or, or something! My lips are sealed!"

"Wait, do you not trust Aqua-sama?"

…I really am easy to read.

"Jack, please, I know it must be hard for you to accept, but you can trust me. If I were to hold whatever you say in confidence against you, I would be no better than all those pitiful, disgusting lifeforms that call themselves the undead. Besides, you won't even remember our little meeting here after you return to the living. So please, let me be your shoulder to cry on. I insist."

Uuuuhhhh...Okaaaay then. We're just gonna pretend that hateful aside regarding the undead never happened and move on. Although that voice was probably going to make a comeback in my nightmares…

As much as I hate to admit it though, she made a valid point. I won't remember any of this anyway, so why not vent about my problems to something other than a machine. Besides, what's a goddess like her really going to with this information? Even if there was something, she has the ability to extract it by spying on me, so there's no sense in withholding it from her. Might as well go for it.

"Alright, where do I begin?"

I sighed and, against my better judgement, spoke what was on my mind.

"I'm born as a freaky albino with rich snobs for parents who aren't observant enough to realize there's something's wrong. Then, I die and come to another world expecting to have a fun adventure like in the Odyssey or Beowulf or some shit. Instead, I get stuck with indentured servitude, crippling debt, and a dysfunctional party of crazy chicks. Gah – don't even get me started on them!"

Too late, I already got started, the bottle was opening up big time. I lifted a finger for each mention of a teammate.

"First, there's that useless blue goddess who prattles on and on about how powerful she is but doesn't have the brains to back up that mouth of hers. Then, I get paired up with a little wizard girl who thinks she's the Second Coming of Christ or whatever and can only use one spell before being rendered immobile. Oh, and let's not forget about that weirdo Crusader who's got the accuracy of a Stormtrooper and the libido of a rabbit. And that's coming from a teenaged boy! I thought I could get horny, but that woman takes it to a whole nother level."

Even though I technically wasn't breathing in this limbo state, I instinctually took a breath before ranting further.

"On top of it all, I've had way too many 'partners' in my previous life who were quick to betray me at the drop of a hat! Granted, I was hanging out with the wrong crowd, but I'm also a part of that crowd so what can you do? Regardless, I thought I'd always share a certain villainous comradery with all my other teams back then. Time sure has a harsh way of proving me wrong there. So excuse me if I don't exactly trust my newest party of misfits."

Eris merely gazed at me with a crestfallen face. That's when I felt something wet trickle down from below my lower eyelid. I wiped it with my finger only to discover more tears pooling out of my eyes. How annoying.

"Aw, god damn it, why am I like this…?"

As I trying my hardest to push back the floodgates, there was a sudden moment of calm within my mind. Even though my knuckles were whitening and my eyes were burning, I felt this pacifying presence right in front of me along with delicate hands securing my temples. They were warm, like clothes fresh out of the dryer.

"There, there," hushed Eris. "Quell those negative thoughts, lest they forever imprison you. It brings me great pain to see young souls become tormented by their own minds. You are not the first, and you will certainly not be the last. But I can assure you that your new friends are nothing like those fake ones you've had a falling out with."

Eris removed her hands from my temples and stepped back as she explained her reasoning to me.

"I know Lady Aqua can be rather troublesome around others – doubly so for me – but she ultimately means well. She'll forgive and accept anyone in spite of their past mistakes or imperfections. The little Crimson Demon, Megumin, has faced great difficulty fitting into a party before she found you. She is graciously indebted to you for that, you know. As for Darkness…well…"

Glancing from side to side in a sneaky manner, Eris motioned with her finger for me to lean in closer, which I did. Once I was within listening range, she dropped an unexpected truth bomb.

"She was once an incredibly sad and lonely lady."

That called for a double take on my end. Given her kink for humiliation and whatnot, I found that bit of insider knowledge hard to believe; she'd probably get a kick out of being alone and ignored.

"What!? Okay, now I know you're yanking my chain."

Eris shook her head. "I made an oath before the Council of Heaven never to tell lies to my clients. Unless there is a miscommunication from upper management, it is practically impossible for us gods to deceive you. So when I say Darkness was once lonely in her life, I mean it. Every day she would visit an Axis Sect. church and pray to me for a friend. So, I created a human alter ego to conceal my divine aura and became her first real friend. Then I introduced her to you and your party. The rest, as they say, is history."

Wait a minute, something doesn't add up here. If what she says is to be believed, then how could she have been the one to introduce me to Darkness when this is the first time I've met her. Unless she was actually…

"…Chris?"

She winked playfully.

"…So that time I scared her out of her money by threatening to drop her in the air…that was you?"

She nodded, a smirk beginning to form on her face.

"…I'm going to Hell, aren't I?"

I almost fell out of my seat when she abruptly started laughing. The goddess/thief was holding onto her sides like her life depended on it as she couldn't control herself. I think I even heard a snort or two in there.

Eventually, she managed to subdue her laughter to just a few giggles before talking again.

"No, honey, no, I wouldn't dare be so petty. Everyone does stupid things, including me. But I had to play the part of a charming thief at the time, so you can't really blame me~"

Wow, who knew a goddess as formal as her would have cheeky side to her.

Eris switched back over to her more professional personality and put her hand on my shoulder.

"Spicer-san, even though you won't remember our discussion, while you're here with me, please tear down the walls you built around yourself. You're in a safe support group now. They care for you, and they're not going to betray you in any way. I promise…"

There was still so much on my mind, I couldn't get the words out straight. Confusion and denial composed the majority of my thoughts and I wanted to get them out, but my time was up. Before I knew it, I was being lifted into the air accompanied by magic sparkles as some kind of portal opened up above me.

"Ah, it seems your soul's request for early leave has been denied. I have no doubt Aqua-sama's healing abilities had something to do with that. Take care, young one! Learn to open yourself up to others more!"

"No, wait, put me back! I'm not done here! I still have so much stuff I want to say - - !"

A bright light began to envelop me, and Eris' tender smile was the last thing I was going to see or remember before going back against my will.

…I better not be going soft in this new world.

"Jack, please wake up! JACK!"

Megumin's cries ripped me out of my peaceful sleep and pulled me back into frozen reality. Oxygen immediately rushed back into my working lungs, nearly putting me into a coughing fit. I felt the back of my head rest on something soft and warm to balance out the ungodly temperature of 0 degrees Celsius.

Snapping my eyes wide open, I was met with the faces of Aqua, Megumin, and Darkness all gazing down at me in a tight circle.

"Oh good, you're finally awake," stated Aqua, who I just now realized was using her thighs as a pillow for me. "Honestly, that Eris can be so uptight about the rules."

My newly breathing lungs were soon compromised as the Archwizard and Crusader latched onto my waist and hugged me like the world depended on it. Aqua's usual condescending face was gazing down on me – no doubt planning to use this moment as teasing material for later – and she patted my forehead as she spoke.

"Well, don't just lay there blushing, say something already~ I performed a small miracle, bringing you back to life and all. Don't you have anything to say in return? C'mon, what do we saaaay~?"

"…I'm sorry."

"Uh, wait, what was that?"

I broke down, I couldn't help it. That noxious black cloud I'd been keeping to myself for so long finally came out in full force. Everything became a messy blur; seconds dragged on for minutes and my rationale was disregarded altogether. I covered my face and repeatedly slurred the phrase "I'm sorry", my immediate defense mechanism in life. This went beyond humiliation for me, and I desperately wanted to shrink into nothingness.

So consider me internally shocked when the girls sat me up and placed me in the middle of a group hug.

They quietly encouraged me to let it all out, so I did. I cried and cried until my tear ducts couldn't produce anymore tears. When I was deprived the privilege of crying, I took to sniveling and whimpering like a baby. But instead of taking the opportunity to degrade me in my vulnerable position, the only thing they retaliated with was soft hushes and a tighter group hug.

Man, I did not realize just how badly I needed this until now.

Despite the emotional roller coaster seemingly lasting two lifetimes, it screeched to halt once I began showing signs of fatigue and exhaustion. As much as I wanted to continue on and not think about anything forever, I knew my body was losing steam and fast. I feebly controlled my breathing while meeting the gang's eyes halfway, too embarrassed to look at them face to face.

"There, there, Jack," soothed Aqua as she rubbed my head. "It's alright, we're not going anywhere."

I saw Megumin doing her best to rub away dried tear stains before nodding in agreement. "Y-yeah, we're not leaving. We're like family, a-and family sticks together, even in the hardest of times!"

YesBot's said similar things like that to me too. But I think this is the first I'm hearing it come from an actual human being.

"Sorry- -"

Darkness cut me off, "And that's the other thing: quit saying you're sorry already. You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. In fact, if there's anybody who should be apologizing, it's me. I knew beforehand the risks associated with Snow Sprite kill quests, yet I chose not to address it. And look where that almost got you…"

The look of utter despair on Dark's face almost mirrored my own. Now it feels like my chest got struck with a harpoon.

"Not anymore," the blonde knight muttered to herself. "Hence forth, I shall double my efforts to ensure my party's security. More weight training, more endurance tests, and more honesty amongst my friends..."

Megumin timidly asked, "So, um, Jack? Now that you've finally had a chance to get that all out of your system, would please tell us why you've been so depressed? We're here for you. You can tell us anything."

This is it, the moment I've been dreading the most. The girls waited for an answer, and I have a sinking feeling that I can't just brush them off like before.

"Well, er, I'm not exactly sure why. I guess I've just been struck with a bad case of the winter blues, ya know? I mean, winter is kind of a depressing time of the year: crappy weather, cold temperature, too dark too early. This isn't the first time this has happened to me. Drastic seasonal changes can be a real bitch and a half – oops, pardon my French."

It was a harmless half-truth, okay!? Winter always makes me feel like shit. I may not be totally comfortable spilling my innermost thoughts to people, but at least now I'm filling them in somewhat.

Thankfully, the girls were smart enough to agree and said how that made sense; it was often normal for people to feel down during the season. Well, there's one less weight off my shoulders.

Megumin snapped me out of my thoughts by assessing my wellbeing.

"How are you right now? Do you feel any better yet?"

"Oh! Uh, y-yeah. Yeah, I think I got most of it out of my system now. I definitely feel a lot more level-headed than before. Although I can't recall much after I got…Wait, what happened to me again?"

"You got knocked out by the Winter Shogun, sir."

Looking past the girls huddled next to me, I finally took notice of one of my JackBot units: JB-B2U1532 to be exact.

"We rebooted in time to see you get punched into a tree. While your partners and I rushed to your aid, the rest of Attack Squad Sigma engaged with the enemy. They attempted to lure the monster far away into the woods with suppressive fire."

JB-B2U1532 opened up his claws to reveal a small pile of chips and loose motherboards.

"They succeeded, but at a cost. I was able to salvage their emotion chips and a few other vital components. It may not be much, but I know you'll have an easier time rebuilding them with these still intact."

I was left speechless as B2U1532 dumped the bits into my palms. Like, damn, I knew I made their chips sturdy and all, but they were still in pristine condition. Usually I'd have to repair them or throw them out altogether. Could this have something to do with these ones being composed out of the metal of the Sacred Sword Gram? I'll have to look into this when I get home. Speaking of which:

"H-hey, guys?"

Aqua, Meg, and Dark turned to me inquisitively.

"Um, do you think we can call it a day and head back to town? I've had enough excitement for one day."

They all gave understanding smiles back my way.

In the end, we only made off with 800,000 eris for the Snow Sprite kill quest. Other than that one I sliced up, Megumin was the only one in our group who actually got any with her Explosion spell, and even then she only managed to incinerate seven for some reason. Could've gotten a better deal, but I won't complain; at least we won't go hungry for a while.

And during that while, for inexplicable reasons, I felt pretty good about myself for a change…

The evil kind of good! Suck it winter, Jack Spicer is back to his bad self again!

Having a chapter set in a snowy environment technically counts as a holiday special, right? Anyone?

Well, either way, it's good to be back! Sorry it took a month to update, I've had my part-time job, finals, and Christmas shopping to contend with. That and this was by far the most challenging chapter I've had to write. So hopefully you can understand why this took so long to get out.

But with that said, I would greatly appreciate any and all constructive criticism for this chapter in particular: what worked, what didn't work, what needs improvement, etc. I wanted to strike a healthy balance between self-indulged teenage angst and entertainment (this is still primarily an Adventure/Comedy after all). The original draft for this was so drenched in angst that it was honestly painful for me to re-read. I was trying way too hard back then when I should've stuck with writing what I know. So I think this revision is marginally better in comparison. Let me know what you think.

Also, some important news: I have made an AO3 account under the "Swood Guy" alias. I will begin cross-posting my story over to there for a wider audience. FFN will still be my primary account for uploading, so expect updates here first. I'm not as familiar with AO3 so it will take some time before that account catches up with this one. When I eventually get it up over there, just search for the story's title and you should find it with no problems (but let me know if you can't for whatever reason).

Other than that, I wish you all a safe holiday and a (hopefully) happy new year. Swood on my friends.