A/N: Wow. This chapter has caused me SO many problems. I had to fight it to actually get it out. I did promise though that I would work through it once I finished writing Caught in the Crossfire, so here we are. I'm still not 100% sure about it, but let me know what you all think. It's also un-beta'd so let me know if you find any errors.
Chapter Thirty-Two
He leads me through the tunnels. By some miracle, we do not seem to pass anyone. The compound is surprisingly silent for the faction. It's eerie.
"They're celebrating," Eric breaks the silence. It's the first thing he's said to me since I arrived. I expected more, but instead, he just keeps a satisfied look on his face.
"Should it not be...noisier?" The place seems dead and it's only after passing the control room and hearing voices that I am slightly reassured that we are not completely alone.
"Dauntless celebrate in different ways. Tonight is the last big game of capture the flag before the new recruits come diving in."
That did not sound like anything remotely appealing, but there was a reason I chose Erudite. I made a mental note to go over the final preparations for the aptitude tests. The volunteers had already been arranged and last that I was aware of, Catherine had ensured that they were adequately trained. It was no longer part of my duties since the room had been destroyed. I am only required to look over the data from the tests and compare them to the Choosing Ceremony.
Eric's voice cuts through my thoughts. "This is it." I looked up and watched as he stepped forward and slid a door open. It was a large space, bigger than the last. With a few adjustments, it would be ready fairly quickly.
"Have Cam set it up to the same specifications as before. I'll start on the shipments for the required materials. The first should be ready tomorrow." I type up a quick email on my tablet and send it off. That should get it started.
"You're stressed." His hands come up on my shoulders as he stands behind me.
"Of course I am!" I snap, turning to face him. "You're the reason I have to do this again! Every time I have to see Jeanine and tell her that something went wrong, something that you did, I have to deal with it. You cannot expect me to forgive you for this! You ruined months of work because your emotions overrode any sense of logic you have! And I'm the one who has to deal with it!"
He scowls at me. "I told you that it wasn't over between us. I won't let it."
I take a deep breath and try not to sigh. I am exhausted. "That's the problem, is it not? I can accept that you want this and that it feels good. You make me forget. I will not deny that. But this whole time, at what point have you thought of anything except but what you want? I am tired, Eric. I cannot be at the beck and call for both you and Jeanine." I try to calm down, to regulate the same emotions I argued compromised Riley. "I need to go home and sleep. Will you allow me that?"
He moves forwards and his hand touches the back of my neck. "Let me take care of you," he says softly. I do not stop myself from leaning up and kissing him.
"You can't fix this."
"I can do whatever I fucking want," he says. The softness of his voice contradicts his words. "Stay. Make your excuses and I will fuck the stress out of you."
"Eric…" I will admit that I am tempted. "I cannot."
"Why?"
I look at him, feeling almost astonished that everything I have said has gone through him. "I have work to do!" I snap. "This entire room needs to be established. The faction testing starts in two days and I am tired. If you would like to be of assistance, give me the information on how the initial destruction occurred and the offenders. Jeanine would also like to know the punishment set. We need to schedule a meeting for you and Max with her."
"So set it. We'll be there." He stares at me for a moment. "I'll make sure of it. Along with the security of the room. It's not connected to anything, so no one except those we let will have access to it. Satisfied?"
"No." He's still too close, his hands touching me as if he can draw me out of everything I find myself entrapped in. I meet his eyes. There is something unreadable in his expression. I look away, wanting this all to just be over. I had not intended for any of this to happen. My efforts to ensure my survival have only succeeded to wear me down. I am unsure if it is worth any of this.
"Stop thinking," Eric's voice cuts into my thoughts. He kisses my cheek and then my neck. His hands pull me against him. "I told you, I'd take care of it."
My eyes close and I lean my head to the side, granting him more access. "I do not think you can," I said softly. "There is too much. Everything is uncertain. I cannot trust uncertainty."
"Then trust me." He kisses me hard as if attempting to drive out all thought. It does not work. I cannot trust this man, the same way I cannot trust Jeanine. I am certain that if he knew, I would join the others at the bottom of the Dauntless chasm. I will not allow that to happen.
I push at his chest, ignoring the way his hands tighten from where they are placed on my waist and neck. "Eric, stop."
"No."
"Yes!" I sigh in frustration. "I demand you cease!"
That draws him away. His eyes are dark when he looks at me. His hands tighten and he turns me. Before I can even comprehend what is happening, he slams me back against the wall. I cry out as I hit it.
"No." His voice is hard. "Demand all you want. I will not be stopped from what I want. Not by Jeanine or the mores of our society or even you. Promises were made to me years ago, Amelia and I intend to collect on them." He pushes his hips into mine and my throat tightens. I have been wary of him, but never afraid. Not like this. "You can't keep running from me. I won't let you."
"Please," my voice is softer than I mean it to be. "I know what you're offering Eric, but I cannot accept. Not now. I was telling you the truth. I have too much to do and I am tired. I need space."
"Not from me."
"I cannot think with you!" I snap. He grins at that as if he was not threatening me moments ago. "I have responsibilities and I cannot accomplish them when I have you breathing down my neck and trying to entice me into your bed."
"From what I recall, you enjoyed being in my bed. Weren't you screaming my name? Begging for more? You belong there."
"I belong at Erudite." My voice has more conviction than I feel. "I am asking you for a reprieve of this. I do not claim to understand what brought you to the conclusion of...wanting me, but you know it cannot last. I am obligated to provide for my faction with marriage and children…"
His jaw clenches. He leans forward, just enough that his face is in front of mine. "I will kill anyone who touches you. Do you understand?" My throat goes dry and I am reminded of his threat against Riley. I nod. "Good." He kisses me, lips slanting over mine and demanding entrance. I grant it if only to keep his anger directed in a way I could resolve, one that would not leave me with more blood on my hands.
The kiss finally breaks when we require air. "It is not as simple or as logical as you make it sound," I say softly. It feels as if we are circling the same argument again. "I cannot stay here, not now."
"What do I get if I let you go?" he asks, his mouth placing warm kisses on my neck again. I am almost certain he intends to attempt to brand me. I make a mental note to check a mirror the first chance I get.
"You will avoid Jeanine's displeasure and mine." It is not enough. "What do you want?" He pulls back and looks me in the eye.
"I want a full night, at least. Maybe two."
"I will try," I say. It is unlikely to happen considering how much work awaited me.
"Done." Eric kisses me quickly again. "Don't think you can avoid it. I don't like waiting."
"I am aware," I say, trying not to roll my eyes. "I will set the appointment with Jeanine. Send me the schematics of the room. The shipments should start arriving within the week. Now, I need to return to Erudite."
His jaw clenches again and I am reminded of running my teeth over it. Eric finally relents and guides me out of the compound. Despite all the efforts in escaping him and finding a solution, it still feels as if I am on the edge of a precipice. The only question that remains will be who will be the one to push me in, him or Jeanine?
[tbc]