The two comics used in this chapter are Star Wars: Poe Dameron #13 and #14. If you haven't followed me on insta (jedi_olympian), I recommend checking it out for memes, sneak previews, and news.
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DCDGojira & Love Fiction 2020: Thanks!
Zikashigaku: Soon, soon. Or at least Snap figures it out sooner than the others.
32 ABY
The Desert Dragon flew low over the treeline of Yavin IV. Gray beeped sadly, perched on Karena's shoulder as the ship flew closer to the Great Temple, the former Jedi Praxeum and Rebel Base on the planet. Much of it was in ruins, but with the hollow shell it once was and the large debris laying around it, one could imagine the magnificent site it once was.
Karena landed the ship on the former tarmac outside the old temple as some of it had been cleared for ships to land four years prior.
The young Skywalker had been on Dantooine for a mission, having been there for three weeks. Given how large the galaxy was, it was relatively close to Yavin IV, so for some reason, she felt the need to make the short trip to the jungle planet. She didn't really understand why she felt the need to go. It wasn't the anniversary of the incident; that wasn't for another month. It didn't seem like the Force coaxing her there either. It was just her own feeling.
Regardless, Karena lowered the loading ramp of her ship and slowly walked out.
It all hit her at once. All the pain, agony, desperation, anger, and sadness, as well as all the happiness, joy, excitement, and hope. All of the good and all of the bad. The life and the death. Black spots dotted her vision and a wave of nausea rolled through her.
Overwhelmed, Karena quickly turned around, starting back towards her ship but paused right before stepping on the ramp. She shook her head, closed her eyes, and took in a deep breath before turning back around.
They're just memories, she told herself. The memories can't hurt you.
Karena looked out over the remains of the temple and began walking, dragging her feet along the ruined pavement with a heavy heart. Memory after memory flashed through her mind as she walked through the rubble towards the main part of the temple, running her hand along the larger chunks of debris.
She remembered everything as if it were yesterday. The Force had imprinted the sorrow in the very being of the place. A place that was meant to be a symbol of peace and prosperity had been reduced to a haunted graveyard of misery.
Kicking aside a few rocks, Karena sat down in front of what still stood in the temple. Crossing her legs beneath her and closing her eyes, she folded her hands in her lap and used the Force to calm herself, pushing through the tension in her shoulders and joints and the anxiety controlling her thoughts. Though anger still brewed deep inside her, latching on to her most basic feelings and memories.
She sat there in silence, meditating with the Force swirling around her until something broke the silence.
"Darling. . ."
Karena opened her eyes to see the translucent, blue ghost of her mother sitting in front of her. She looked exactly the same as Karena remembered her. The same wrinkles around her eyes and strands of gray in her long, dark hair.
"Mom." Karena's voice broke with the single word.
Jedi Master Kaleena Kenobi-Skywalker smiled at her daughter. "Karena, it's been a long four years."
"I miss you," Karena said, her voice shaking and lip quivering. "It's. . . I. . ."
"I know. I know, and I'm here."
"Dad's not."
Kaleena shifted her gaze downward, the corners of her mouth dipping into a frown. "I know. I wish he was, but I understand why he's not."
A violent scoff escaped Karena as she shook her head with a grin that didn't quite reach her eyes. "Wish I knew. He left us right here, broken. He abandoned us, he abandoned Aunt Leia, and he abandoned the galaxy."
"I don't think that was his intention." Kaleena reached forward, her ghostly fingers light brushing over Karena's hand, leaving a cold imprint of nothingness. "You've let your anger towards your father and Ben fester and grow. They're not the ones who deserve your energy."
Karena's eyebrows furrowed together. "Then who?"
"Only when you've set aside your anger and let go of the past will you see clearly." Kaleena gave her daughter a gentle smile as she sat up straight. "You have your whole life ahead of you, if only you would let yourself live it, then you could see what I see. I wish you and your brother the best. I love you both with all my heart." The edges of the blue figure began to fade.
"Wait, Mom," Karena tried.
Kaleena shook her head as she continued to disappear before Karena's eyes. "Your father and I will be with you wherever you go. And the Force will be with you. Always."
Karena was left alone on the tarmac, with only her mother's words of wisdom to guide her.
One thing Karena didn't like about being a Colonel in Resistance Intelligence was her technically being in charge of other spies. The only person she reported to was Leia as the highest rank in the intelligence division was Colonel which left all other Resistance spies to report to Karena if not reporting to Leia or someone of equal rank within the division. But when she was on base, the spies reported to Karena, and she divvied out the missions devised by her brother and others. She also occasionally conversed with C-3PO, Leia's long-standing protocol droid, who had a network of droids spying throughout the galaxy for the Resistance as well.
She'd much rather talk to Artoo, but he never moved from his spot collecting dust, leaving her to quietly wish Threepio would collect dust instead. Or at least stop jabbering away at random times.
In the Command Center a few days after returning from her short trip to Yavin IV, Karena was looking over a report sent by Seossra Thwisp, a Caphex spy stationed in the borderlands to keep tabs on First Order activity, when she heard familiar beeping behind her.
Karena lowered the datapad and turned to see the yellow and copper astromech U5-GG, or Gigi, strolling over. Behind Gigi was her owner Vi Moradi, codenamed Starling, a dark-skinned human female who wore a bright orange jacket.
Karena's eyebrow twitched up as Vi walked over and leaned against the terminal that Karena stood at. "Starling," she greeted, eyeing Vi skeptically. She hadn't been expecting to see Vi as she was usually stationed in Hutt Space and returned to base even less often than Karena did. They had only met in person twice and barely communicated through messages unless required.
"Vornskr," Vi returned with a nod. "General Organa said to report to you the moment I touched down, so here I am." She held her arms out to the side.
"Did she say why because that's news to me?"
"Something about receiving an interesting report from the borderlands."
Karena groaned and waved the datapad in her hand. "What's the point of me reading these reports if she's going to read them before me? I'm not even finished with it." She rubbed her temple for a moment then continued. "Thwisp is getting close to something and needs a hand. I was going to go there myself, but I guess Leia volunteered you instead." She handed the datapad to Vi so she could look over the report.
And Karena was so hoping to hop onto another mission after returning with nothing to do.
Vi scrolled through the report, skimming it, then grimaced. "Telos? Never even heard of it. Suppose it makes sense for the First Order to be hiding out there then." Vi lowered the datapad. "Why does the general want me on this instead of you?"
"You think I know what goes on in her head?" Karena asked. Though she did have her suspicions. Aunt Leia just loved to try and keep her away from the First Order unless necessary.
A small sigh left Vi. "Good point." She handed back the datapad. "I'll head out as soon as my ship's fueled up and my provisions are restocked."
"I'll upload the report to Gigi, so you can look it over more on your way."
As Karena had Gigi plug in to the computer terminal and Vi waited patiently, or as patiently as she could while fiddling with random things within arms reach, another person walked into the Command Center. The moment Karena felt the familiar Force signature, she turned to look.
Poe was still dressed in his flight suit as he walked through the Command Center, heading toward Leia's office with the golden protocol droid C-3PO. He had just touched down with Black Squadron, having returned from another mission in their quest to find Lor San Tekka. His eyes met Karena's as he walked past. He smiled at her, and she couldn't help but smile back at him up until he left her direct line of sight.
Karena turned back to focus on the droid, but Vi crossed her arms over her chest and asked, "What was that?"
Karena looked up at Vi. "What?"
Vi's face twisted up in a mixture of disappointment and exasperation. "Commander Hotshot? Really?"
Karena rolled her eyes. "We're just friends." Though that seemed to be changing.
"Whatever helps you sleep at night."
33 ABY
A few weeks later, Poe stood over a downed and beaten Agent Terex with a First Order officer and stormtrooper carrier behind him and his squadron flying above. Well, most of his squadron. Three X-wings were in the sky with no A-wing in sight which could only mean one thing: they lost L'ulo against Terex's men while going against Terex's fleet. The First Order was about to take Agent Terex away, but Poe had something to say.
The Resistance pilot turned on his comm while kneeling next to Terex and asked, "Black Two, if you're here, it means you got past Terex's fleet, right?"
"Terex's fleet is gone," Snap reported through the comlink. "Every ship. We did our part, but then the First Order showed up and finished them off. They even took out the flagship, the Carrion Spike. They are not happy with him."
Poe smirked at Terex who glared at him, still unable to move much at all due to BB-8 having electrocuted him. "Yeah, about what I thought," Poe said. "Thanks, Black Two."
Although beaten, Terex still tried to get under Poe's skin. "I can only see three fighters in the air, Dameron, when there should be four," Terex said tauntingly. "You lost someone today."
A wave of despair flowed through Poe, but he refused to let it show. "Yeah, saw that too. I think it was my friend L'ulo. Still processing that. You and I both lost, Terex. No doubt in my mind." Poe leaned forward, staring Terex down. "But there's a difference between us. I lost a friend, but you lost pretty much everything, and when I give you to the First Order, I bet they'll take the rest." Poe grabbed a strap from Terex's armor, ready to drag the man over to the First Order. "Your fight is over. Mine's just getting started."
The flight back to D'Qar was solemn for Black Squadron after they finished a few things on the planet, and when they dropped out of hyperspace above D'Qar the following morning, the base and especially Leia were saddened to hear of L'ulo's death. Black Squadron submitted their reports, got cleaned up, and dressed in their Resistance uniforms.
A few hours before sunset, it was time for the funeral. Black Squadron, or rather what was left of it due to them losing two members, stood at the front of the gathered Resistance members. Most of those in attendance were pilots, officers, and friends of L'ulo's as the base still needed to function even during the funeral.
Karena stood off to the side of the formal proceeding next to C-3PO and BB-8 with Gray on her shoulder. She hadn't known L'ulo very well, having only spoken in passing when Poe, Snap, or Leia were already talking to her, but she knew he had fought in the Rebellion with her parents, godparents, aunt, and uncle. It seemed with each passing day more and more remnants of the Rebel Alliance were disappearing even though the fight hadn't ended.
Dressed in a long black dress and her hair braided in a crown, Leia stood on a platform next to a coffin with the Rebel Alliance Starbird on the side. "This is a sad day," Leia began, a hand on L'ulo's coffin. "We have lost one of our own. L'ulo L'ampar, a skilled, fierce warrior who spent his life fighting on the side of all that is good and right in the galaxy. As he lived, he died, and we will miss him very much." Leia glanced down at the coffin with a fond, sad smile. "I could tell you stories about L'ulo for hours, and I'm sure that time will come. Right now, though, I would like his commanding officer to say a few words."
She motioned for Poe to step forward. As he walked up the steps to the coffin, Leia asked, "Are you ready, Poe?"
"Not really," he answered honestly. He drummed his fingers on the coffin as Leia moved to the side of the platform to give him space. "Not for this."
Karena frowned deeply as she stared up at the hotshot pilot. It wasn't often that she saw him completely serious, and it didn't help that she could plain as day feel his despair from where she stood. It wasn't just despair: it was anger, resolve, distress, and grief. It was a mixture of so many emotions brought on by L'ulo's death. But it was more than that. The overarching emotion that stood out over all of the ones he felt was guilt.
He blamed himself.
Even with those crippling emotions that would bring many people down into a spiraling void of depression or numbness, his determination broke through. His hope broke through. Poe stood tall next to the coffin, refusing to let himself break down despite it being all he wanted to do.
"These days, we don't talk about the Force that much," Poe said to the gathered troops. "I don't know if it's gone out of fashion, or if it's just harder to see around us. It was different for me growing up. We used to tell stories about the Force all the time. I'd like to tell one now." Poe looked back at Leia for a moment before continuing to address the crowd. "I heard it from an old friend of my family, someone who understands the Force as well as anyone alive."
From the end of one of the rows, Kelin glanced at his sister who shared the same skeptical expression he did. Really? Kelin asked her through the Force.
The twins turned their attention to Leia who gave them both a stern look as if she knew what they were already thinking. To be fair, she probably did. Even though she didn't often utilize the Force to its fullest extent, Leia had an extremely good read on people. She didn't need to use the Force to know people, especially not her niece and nephew.
"She told me about an old Jedi she knew," Poe continued, unaware of the silent conversation between the Skywalkers, "one of the very last. He was as strong and tough as any of them and went out fighting evil, just like L'ulo did."
Is he really talking about. . . Karena thought. She didn't finish the thought and hadn't meant for Kelin to hear it, but he did and knew where she was going with it.
Yeah, he is, Kelin finished, bringing his hand up to the thin chain around his neck, the chain holding a kyber crystal that had once belonged to the very man Poe had decided to tell a story about.
"She was there when it happened," Poe said. "And she told me his body just vanished. Empty robes and a lightsaber, that's all that was left. She didn't get it, didn't understand, not until a long time later when she was talking to the Jedi's daughter. She was also a Jedi and told her something she'd learned during her training. We're not this." Poe put a hand on his chest. "We're not just flesh and bone. Not just stuff. We're more. We're luminous. That's what she said."
Poe touched the coffin once more. "This coffin's empty. A lot of empty coffins in this business. That's how starfighter pilots go. One second we're there, next we're just atoms, drifting through the universe. We vanish, just like that old Jedi did. But that doesn't mean we're gone."
If anything Poe had said would strike a chord in any of the three Skywalkers in attendance, it was that. But that doesn't mean we're gone. Kelin and Karena could almost feel their mother's arms wrapped around them once again or their father's hand on their shoulder.
"L'ulo was pretty much my uncle," Poe said. "He helped raise me since I was a kid. He was cranky, kind, strong, and one of the best pilots I've ever met. If he saw a way to help someone, he'd take it, and he never turned away from a fight against the bad guys, no matter the odds. You want to talk luminous? L'ulo L'ampar was about as luminous as they come. The stuff might be gone, but he's not. I can still feel him." He put his hands over his heart. "Right here. Shining away. May the Force be with you, L'ulo. And with all of us."
After the funeral, Poe hid away in the hangar with his ruined X-wing and BB-8, already getting to work on fixing it back up. He needed to keep moving, keep his mind busy and his hands working.
Poe knelt on the left-wing of his ship. The top wing was off, destroyed, leaving only the bottom one. A few panels along the nose were also missing, at least one of the engines needed to be replaced, and the whole thing had to be scrubbed down due to grime and smoke damage. And he hadn't even touched base with things like the targeting systems or radar or any of the wiring. He also had a feeling the landing mechanism needed work, too. Unfortunately for him, he almost always completely refused any help from the mechanics for his personal ship, which meant it was up to him and solely him to put Black One back together.
"Man, it's going to take forever to get her flying again," he said. BB-8 beeped a few times in reassurance from his place on the floor below. Poe nodded. "Good point, pal. Could have been worse." They could both be blown to atoms as L'ulo had been.
Leia walked into the hangar, looking up at Poe. "You didn't feel like joining the wake, Poe?" she asked. "Everyone's telling stories about L'ulo, and I shared a bottle of Corellian Reserve Han gave me a few years ago."
"Corellian Reserve?" Poe repeated, a little surprised. "Where did he get a bottle of that?"
"Better not ask."
He started climbing down the ladder, knowing Leia wasn't in the hangar to just invite him outside to the tarmac. "I'm not sure I feel much like celebrating, General. I'll get back in there soon. I just need a little time."
"I'm sorry, Poe," Leia said. "But I'm not sure you have it." Poe frowned, moving to stand in front of her. "The action that killed L'ulo nearly pulled us into open war with the First Order. We need to debrief, and we need to do it now."
"Of course, General. What can I tell you?"
"Oddy Muva, where is he?"
"I. . . don't know," Poe revealed. For a moment, he had almost forgotten how they had gotten into the mess the previous day, the reason they had met Terex in the first place. He had been focused on L'ulo's death and then moving forward, and Leia was bringing him back to the reason it had happened. They had been betrayed.
"We found the escape pods he took from the Carrion Spike," he explained, "and most of the slaves he rescued, but he wasn't with them. They told us Oddy reconfigured one of the other pods and took off again with another slave before we got there."
"And you're sure he was funneling information to the First Order?"
"He was talking to Agent Terex, that's for sure. Nothing else makes sense." Poe's eyes softened as he shook his head. "But then he helped Black Squadron in the battle against Terex which does not make sense. Not that the idea of my Abednedo repair tech turning traitor makes much sense in the first place."
"We'll find him," Leia reassured. She didn't like it one bit, the idea of a member of the Resistance turning against them and working for the First Order. And Oddy had seemed like such a good person as well. "One problem at a time. . . When you brought Threepio back from your mission to Kaddak, he was missing his memory unit. Looked like it was cut out. We've rebooted him with a backup, but if someone has that memory chip and can get past Threepio's encryption algorithms, with the things that droid knows. . . Threepio swears to me that no one can break his encryption. We'll just have to hope that's the case. And if it's not, well. . ."
"We'll handle it. Just like we always do."
Leia appreciated his determination and conviction, but sometimes it hid a deeper problem. "Don't talk like that." Poe blinked a few times, unsure of what she meant, and she continued. "I know you want to brush aside L'ulo's death and just shove on to the next mission. Everything's easy for Poe Dameron, right? No reason to dwell. But sometimes, flyboy, you need to take a minute. You're grounded, Poe Dameron."
"What?" he exclaimed, gaping at her. "You can't ground me, General. There's too much to do. I have to find Oddy Muva before he can do any more damage. Terex is still out there, too. But most of all, I still have to find Lor San Tekka. Did you forget about that? He's the path to Luke Skywalker."
Leia's gaze hardened at the hotshot pilot. "I'm not going to forget my own brother. Everything you listed is important, but. . ." She sighed. "Look. Let me ask you a question. What's the most valuable thing you have to offer the Resistance? Don't be modest. Just answer me."
For a moment, Poe hesitated. He liked to boast, but the people who knew him knew he wasn't serious about his boasting most of the time. The boasting was always hiding insecurities because it made it easier, made him confident, made him fearless. He liked to joke around, poke fun, urge others around him to greatness, and only occasionally did he allow himself to truly revel in his own accomplishments.
He thought Leia had asked him a trick question or that she was trying to lead him into a trap, but the look on her face could only be read one way. She was dead serious. She wanted to hear him say what he and others so often joked about because it was true even if he didn't always believe it himself.
"I'm. . . the best pilot we have," he finally said. "I can fly anything, and I can shoot down anything. You put me behind the controls and there's nothing I can't do."
A small smile graced her expression. "Right. Well, I did tell you not to be modest. I don't disagree. You're a once-in-a-generation flyer, but tell me, is that all you are?"
His eyebrows creased together. "Uh. . . I'm not sure I. . ."
"Pilots are important Poe, but they aren't rare," she explained. "Good pilots, even great pilots like you, they're needed, but they don't win wars." Leia set a hand on his shoulder. "You need something much rarer for that."
Poe took a step back, still not sure what the general was meaning to imply. "General, I am just a pilot. Point me at the bad guys and let me do my thing, you know? I don't understand what you're getting at."
"I know you don't understand, Poe. That's why you're grounded." She then started to walk away, leaving Poe and BB-8 behind. "Come talk to me when you figure it out."
Karena and Kelin sat atop of the hangar overlooking where the wake for L'ulo was occurring. Neither felt right joining the celebration of life as they hadn't known L'ulo well. They would've felt like outsiders, so they climbed on top of the hangar and sat on the stone overhang. They hung their legs over the edge, looking at the people down below.
"It was a beautiful ceremony," Kelin said, breaking the silence between them.
"Yeah, it was," Karena agreed quietly.
"And all the stuff he was saying about the Force wasn't as terrible as I thought it was going to be when he first started talking."
"Yeah."
"I think L'ulo would have liked it, though I'll admit I didn't really know him. May have seen him on Yavin once or twice when we were younger, but I don't think he had been all too close with Mom, Wedge, or Hobbie when in the Rebellion."
"Mhmm."
Kelin looked at his sister. His twin. He couldn't get a real reading on her, though her short answers were very telling. She wasn't blocking him as she did with everyone else whether they're Force-users or regular people. She hadn't settled on a single thought or feeling, yet she also didn't have a flurry of emotion nor was she conflicted. She was blank. Numb. Void.
"Mom is here with us," he decided to say.
It took Karena a moment to reply. "So is Dad."
He sighed, begrudgingly agreeing. Swinging his legs, he picked at his pants. He usually tried to keep emotion out of everything he did, everything he planned, every action he took, every thought that passed through his mind. But family was one thing he couldn't do that for, especially not regarding Luke Skywalker.
"I know you're still angry at him," Karena said. "I am, too. You still feel the pain, and you don't care for the same closure I do, only to forget it ever happened. That's why I'm always on the move looking for answers and you hide away on the base pretending everything is okay. But Mom told me I needed to set aside my anger to move on and focus on the real enemy. I didn't know exactly who she meant at first, but now I think I do. It's not Dad or Ben. The real enemy is the First Order, the Dark Side of the Force, the people spreading hatred and fear, not the victims of it which, like it or not, includes both Dad and Ben."
Karena looked at her brother, meeting his eyes, seeing the sadness hidden within. "I think Dameron got something right in his speech. One day, we'll vanish, just like our grandparents, just like Mom, but they each went out the way they lived. Cattleya went out protecting those she cared about. Padmé went out seeing the best in others. Then Anakin sacrificing himself for those he loved and Obi-Wan fighting for justice. Finally, Mom went out fighting the darkness in herself and others." She shook her head, a few tears prickling at her eyes. "I don't want to die hating our father or allowing my anger to fester like an infected wound. I want to die fighting for what's right. I want to die for those I love. I'm not saying I forgive him for abandoning us, but it's been four years, and I'm exhausted. I want to live, not just survive."
Movement below caught her eye, and Karena saw Poe walking out onto the tarmac to join his fellow pilots at the wake.
"I want to truly live."
Poe bolted upright in bed, chest heaving and a thin layer of cold sweat on his skin. He rubbed a hand over his face, trying to push aside the dream, no, the nightmare he had. It started fine. He was flying over the jungle on Yavin IV with L'ulo at his side. Others were flying with them, too, like Snap, Wedge, Leia, and his parents, Kes and Shara. It didn't quite make sense that Leia and his dad were flying in X-wings since neither were pilots, but he was content.
Then his mom was shot down in a fiery explosion. Then his dad. Then L'ulo. Then Wedge, Snap, and Leia. Until finally, he was blasted out of the sky, too. And all he could feel was fear and pain, their screams echoing in his ears.
His arm twitched when he felt something touch his elbow. Calming himself down, he set his other hand on top of the smaller one resting there. Looking from the hand up to the person it belonged to, he offered a small smile and said, "I'm okay. Sorry for waking you."
"You don't have to apologize for a nightmare, Poe," Karena reassured. "Come here." Poe listened to her and laid back down beside her.
Poe didn't know what they were. As time passed, they moved further and further from a purely physical relationship to something. . . more? Perhaps it was his fault. He was the one who liked physical affection and cuddling which already pushed the boundaries of a sexual relationship to something else. Then add on their continued banter, warming up to each other, trusting each other with more aspects of themselves, and worrying about each other when apart on missions.
She was the first person he wanted to see when he landed on the tarmac, the first person he wanted to tell about his missions, the first person he sought when wanting to workout in the training facility or get something to eat in the mess hall.
And there he was in her bed on her ship, and they hadn't even done anything even remotely sexual when they had first laid down. No, she held him in her arms until he had fallen asleep, running a gentle hand through his hair, comforting him without even saying a word.
He could make up all sorts of excuses as to why they hadn't had sex that night. He had exhausted himself working on his X-wing. He was saddened by L'ulo's death and didn't feel up for it. He had drunk just a tad too much at the wake and had a headache. He was thinking up all the possibilities of what the First Order was doing with Agent Terex. He was trying to figure out where Oddy Muva could have gone. But none of those fit completely. Not even all of them together did.
But he just wanted comfort. Her comfort. Her.
He stared up at the ceiling while playing with the ring on the chain around his neck, relaxing in the warm bed as Karena draped an arm over his stomach and laid next to him.
"Why did you join the Resistance?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper in the silent room.
That question was easy for her to answer. "To help those in need. To fight for freedom. For everything my family has fought for. To make them proud. I know I didn't have to, but I felt like I owed it to them to continue the fight. . . Why?"
"General Organa asked me what the most valuable thing I have to offer the Resistance is. I didn't know what to say, so I said the obvious, you know? My piloting skills. I'm a pilot. Just a pilot. That's all I've ever really known. It's my whole identity. But it wasn't what she wanted to hear. And now I'm grounded until I figure it out."
The corner of Karena's mouth twitched up, but he didn't see it, focusing on the ceiling instead. Leia had a way of getting people to think in far deeper ways than they would normally. It's what made her a good leader. And now, she was working her magic on one Poe Dameron.
"Why did you join?" she asked.
"For my mom." His grip tightened around the ring in his hand. "She died when I was eight. Both of my parents were in the Rebel Alliance. Mom was a pilot in Green Squadron with L'ulo. She started teaching me how to fly when I was six. Always told me stories about the Rebellion. When she died, Dad and I didn't really see eye to eye on, well, anything, so I left Yavin when I was sixteen to find my own path. Eventually, I joined the New Republic Defense Fleet. Until then, I hadn't really made an honest living, but joining the Republic Navy, it started to feel right, like I was making her proud. Then I began disagreeing with the leeway the Republic was giving the First Order, so when General Organa offered to let me join the Resistance, I couldn't refuse.
"It was the first thing I'd done that felt like I was honoring my mother's memory."
Karena pushed herself up onto her arm, leaning on her elbow on the pillow beside Poe's head. His gaze drifted to hers as she ran her hand through his curls.
"You're more than just a pilot, Poe," she told him softly. "No one is just a single thing. Your mom was a pilot, but she was more than that. She was a rebel, a fighter, a wife, a mother. Same with L'ulo. He was also a pilot, but, like your mom, he was a rebel and a Resistance fighter. You called him cranky and kind, too. He was your family and a friend."
She grew quiet for a moment, contemplating continuing, and she decided to go for it. "The story you told, about the Jedi who disappeared when he died? He was a Jedi, sure, but that means he was also a General during the Clone War and a survivor of the Purge and a teacher and a father. There's always more than one side to us. Leia wants you to realize a part of you that she already knows."
"So what are you?" Poe asked, rubbing her arm with the back of his fingers. "You're a spy, but what else?"
"A Resistance fighter. A sister to Kelin. A decent pilot. The one who kicks your ass on the training mat." That made him smile a little. "I'm a pretty good mechanic, too. . . And part of who I am today is because I'm the daughter of a deceased rebel spy and a missing pilot."
"What?" Poe asked.
It was too late for Karena to take it back, but she didn't want to anyway. That's why she had said it in the first place. "My parents were in the Rebellion, too, except my mom was a Fulcrum for a short time and my dad was a pilot."
"What squadron?"
Red and Rogue. They were simple words. Her father was in Red Squadron and then subsequently Rogue Group with other famous Rebellion pilots, such as Wedge Antilles and Derek Klivian. And the moment she said either of those words, she knew Poe would start getting skeptical. There were only so many survivors of either squadron and she blatantly said her father was missing. Poe wasn't stupid even if he sometimes came off that way to others.
Her expression shifted, her guard rising again, and Poe grew disappointed. Just when he thought he was melting her walls, they went up again. He knew he didn't need to know everything and didn't want to be pushy. And he didn't want to be disappointed, but he couldn't help it. Simply put, Poe just wanted her to trust him.
Karena noticed the look in his eyes. "It's not that I don't want to tell you, I do, it's just. . . It's a secret for a reason. A lot of things would be different if people knew." She played with a few of his curls. "You'll be told one day. I know you will." Especially if they succeeded in finding her father. "But until then, many things will have to remain a secret. I'm sorry."
Poe reached down, grabbed her hand that was still resting on his stomach, and brought it up to his mouth, placing a kiss on her knuckles. "It's okay."
"You don't have to lie to me, Poe. I know it's not." Karena laid down, sliding her arm under the pillow. "Try to get some sleep. You'll want to be well-rested when fixing up your ship and figuring out Leia's riddle tomorrow."
It wasn't until days later when Poe finally figured out what Leia had meant. In part, it was due to what Karena had told him about being more than a simple pilot and talking about why they had joined the Resistance. Black One was still out of commission and would be for quite some time as some of the parts he required were a little more expensive or harder to come by, so if he was given another mission, he'd have to fly a different X-wing. He could make due.
Poe walked into Leia's office, his clothing still dirty and rumpled from working on his ship.
"So?" Leia said before he could start. "You figure it out, Commander Dameron?"
He rubbed the back of his neck. "I think so, General Organa." He met her gaze. "This isn't my fight."
"Very good, Poe. I knew you had a brain up there somewhere." She shifted in her seat. "The truth is, I can't let all of this rest on my shoulders forever. I honestly don't know how long we'll have to, well, resist. The Rebellion went on for decades, and, I'm sorry to say, probably sooner than we'd like. . ." She gave him a soft smile. ". . . I'll be luminous."
Leia pushed out her chair and stood, making her way around her desk to stand in front of Poe. "Maybe you are the best pilot in the galaxy," she said, a hint of teasing before getting serious again. "But that's not all I see in you. I think you're one of those rare beings who help other people fight. Who will inspire and give hope when all seems lost, and convince our people to keep going when they don't think they can. No one person can win a war. It's not about you, and it's not about me."
"No, General Organa. It's not about us," Poe agreed. "It's about everyone else."
"Exactly." Leia looked long and hard at the pilot in front of her, the one she saw so much potential in if he allowed it in himself. "Now, I've got a mission for Black Squadron. Consider yourself ungrounded, Commander."
Poe grinned. "Fantastic. How can I help? I was starting to get a little twitchy."
Also, I keep forgetting to mention that Commander is out! It is a collection of smutty one-shots for Karena and Poe. There are two on there now.