Emily rolled her eyes at the middle-aged man sitting at the table a few feet away from theirs, behind Paige's seat. Part of her wished that she had that kind of confidence; the kind of confidence that assumes that, with just a persistent look and a wry smile, he could win her over. Never mind the cheesy comb over and the 1990s-era suit. Never mind the fact that she was enjoying dinner with her girlfriend. Even if he didn't know that she and Paige were together, what would make him assume that she was looking for a fling with someone who was probably closer to her mother's age than to hers?

She leaned across the table and, taking both of Paige's hands, gave her a kiss. It wasn't over-the-top; just enough to send a message. She shot a quick glance to the guy at the other table, who had suddenly become more interested in his phone. When she looked back at Paige, she wasn't surprised to find that Paige was confused.

"What?" She smiled coyly. It wasn't really like her just to kiss Paige like that, out of the blue, in public. They regularly held hands, as girlfriends do, but they usually saved kisses for more private settings. Emily briefly thought that she should explain why she'd kissed her, but she decided against it. She would just let the kiss stand on its own.

Paige shook her head at Emily's question and looked down at her plate. "Nothing," she said softly. "I just… I… uh…"

I'm just looking at you. Sometimes, I'm so amazed that you're with me.

That memory seemed so far away from where she and Paige were. It felt like an eternity since Paige had looked at her that way. So much had changed. The world had changed. The world had been, somehow, a more accepting place, back then. After the initial shock of Emily's coming out, the world barely paid her any notice. Even in her small, suburban town, she could walk down the street arm in arm with another woman and even kiss, and no one blinked an eye. Nowadays, it seemed, the world was a meaner place, and far more judgmental. Everyone had an opinion, and people didn't hesitate to let you know how they felt. It could be an angry look, or words muttered under the breath, or even death threats. But that was all stuff that she could deal with. Especially knowing that she didn't have to deal with it alone.

The change that really worried her was in Paige. Paige was more confident and self-assured. And those were good things. Of course, they were. But Emily couldn't help wondering whether Paige still saw her the way that she used to, with that same wide-eyed wonder at the fact that the two of them could be together. Not that Emily wanted to feel above Paige, up on a pedestal, but she wanted, somehow, to be seen as a prize; as something that Paige valued. That was how she saw Paige. She feared, though, that their roles from high school had been reversed; that this confident woman whom Paige had grown into was strong enough to turn her back on her and walk away. And so, she became the one who was left having to plant surprise kisses, just to stay connected.

Paige, still holding Emily's hand, turned it over, so that the palm was facing up and skated her index finger across the lines there. Emily's hands had grown softer; a bit fuller. Time does that to a person. Time had done it to Paige herself, she realized. And she realized that she liked this version of Emily – the one who didn't always have to be so put together all the time. Paige had noticed a few strands of gray hair sprinkled in among the forest of black atop Emily's head. Younger Emily would have been shocked that her older self would let herself be seen in public like that, but, to Paige, it made Emily more genuine; more trustworthy. Less Rosewood, Paige thought. None of the "Wine Moms" back in Rosewood would have deigned to allow a single strand of gray or the slightest beginnings of a wrinkle to be seen on their perfectly tended faces. Paige had all but forgotten that way of thinking, that business trip back to Philadelphia, when she stopped by Rosewood to see Emily. But that way of thinking had been one of the reasons that she had chosen to stay in California after college. The women in California have a reputation for vanity, but the women in Rosewood made them look almost Puritanical, by comparison.

"Emily?"

Emily bit her lip, a little worried about whatever was coming next. Paige took a deep breath, which only heightened Emily's sense of foreboding. "What made you move out to California?"

Emily took her hand away from Paige's, cupping both hands around her mug while she looked down at the few drops of coffee left inside it. "Paige…"

Paige held up her hand. "I know," she said softly, "that you came out here for me, but… after all that time? And after everything that…" Paige shrugged, letting the thought trail off.

Emily looked into Paige's eyes. "I guess," she said, turning her eyes up to the ceiling as she tried to form the words, "I guess I came out here because… because I never gave up on the two of us." She looked across the table at the puzzled look that Paige was giving her. "I mean, I'm not talking about before. I know that I… didn't always…"

Emily didn't want to bring up memories of the way she broke it off with Paige, because she felt that she couldn't trust her. "I mean," she said, resetting, "after that night in the airport. When you said that it was the best 'for now.'" Emily shrugged. "I believed you. I really believed that it wasn't for forever."

Paige sat back against her seat under the weight of what Emily told her. To Emily, it felt as if Paige were pulling away. "Is that so hard to understand?" she asked defensively.

"Um, no… I… Don't get me wrong, Em. It's just that you…" Paige's eyes widened, "We…" She sighed heavily. "I mean, let's face it, we both…" Paige struggled to come up with a way to say it diplomatically.

"I know," Emily interrupted. "I dated some other girls..."

"And that's fine!" Paige threw her hands up. "I'm not saying that you should have lived like a nun."

She was a substitute, when I never thought I could get the real thing.

In Paige's eyes, it was simple. She and Shana only happened because she had given up on the dream that she and Emily would ever be.

"But that didn't mean I ever gave up on us." Emily took a deep breath. "You know that cliché about people who want to be an actor, but they don't make it, so they take a regular job, just to pay the bills, but they still have that dream of acting, right? And then, one day, they say, 'Fuck it! I've got to be true to my dream!' – and they sell everything and move out to LA?" Paige nodded in acknowledgment. Emily shrugged her shoulder without finishing the example. She'd made her point.

"Wow," Paige said softly.

Emily leaned across the table and reached for Paige's hands. "Paige," she said, not looking at her, "when you came out to Philly, wasn't there even a small part of you that thought you and I might…" Before Emily could get out the words, Paige dipped her head. It was all the answer Emily needed. She backed away. Before she could pull her hands away, Paige tightened her grip.

"Em, when Aerynn and I broke up, I was… I got to a place where I was…" Paige smiled slightly, slightly puffing out some air. "I was happily single." She looked into Emily's eyes, although Emily was looking off to the side. "I know that people say that all the time, that they're through with relationships, and they're happy to stay single, but I really got to enjoy living on my own." Emily was feeling smaller with every word. "I wasn't looking for a relationship. I didn't need anyone in my life to complete me. And, if it had been Aerynn or Shana or…" Paige looked up at the ceiling, thinking of a third example. "… Emma Stone…" – she looked at Emily with a wry smile at the reference to that night when they watched "La La Land" together – "… it wouldn't have mattered." Paige's voice softened, and her grip on Emily's hands tightened. "But it was you. That night, when you kissed me, if it had been anyone else… Well, I would have enjoyed it," she admitted, as her voice switched to an urgent whisper, "but I wouldn't have let myself fall." She put her hand on Emily's cheek, still whispering as she concluded, "It was you."

Emily smiled, biting her lip. She tilted her head to the side. "Emma Stone?" Paige shrugged, refusing to back away from the statement. Emily leaned across the table, and Paige met her in the middle for a kiss. She was expecting a quick "we're in public" kiss, but Emily put a hand behind her neck and kept her there. She didn't care that they were in a crowded restaurant and that people were, no doubt, staring. She needed that kiss. She needed Paige's lips to say what she had just said, but, this time, without words.

Paige was still a little breathless as she walked Emily up to her apartment. The kiss in front of Emily's door was much shorter, and less intense. There was nothing more to prove. And, had they kissed like that again, they might not have been able to stop.

Paige ran her fingers through her hair as she sat in her car before she started it up and started on the long drive home. She hated driving alone. That was something that she had never gotten used to. It was always better to have someone next to her. Even if there was no conversation, it helped to have someone there. Those rides with the weight of Emily's sleepy head on her shoulder were worth thousands of words.

Paige shook her head, thinking about how much things had changed. There was a time when taking Emily home meant taking her back to their home, to their bed, to their lives together. It was hard, starting over again from square one. They hadn't discussed it, but they both seemed to know that rushing things had never worked for them. They needed more nights like the one they'd just had; more opportunities to discover their fears, share them, and work through them; more kisses that felt like the first time; more good-byes at the door that made them hunger for the time when "good night" no longer meant "good-bye."

Paige she tried to keep her own focus on the road as her mind kept flashing back to Emily's eyes. They looked scared; vulnerable. It was the same look that Emily had on her face after she gave Paige the "mushy squash" speech; the look that made it seem that she was terrified that Paige was about to break her heart into a thousand pieces. And that's almost what actually did happen. Emily had lied to her that night, showing up with her friends after saying that she wouldn't be there. Paige had had enough. She decided that she wasn't going to let Emily ruin her night. She had been having a good time with her friends, until Emily walked up. Paige didn't know what to expect, but she steeled herself for getting yelled at and blamed for everything again. She didn't expect Emily to ask her to dance. And she didn't expect that look. Paige was always a sucker for that look.

For years, Paige had argued with herself about mushy squash, trying to convince herself that Emily didn't mean it the way it sounded: "It's either you or nothing." But that's the way it always had been with Emily. She was okay hanging out with Paige, right up until the time someone better came along.

Paige slammed her palm into the steering wheel. She didn't want to go back to those old games, those old insecurities. She had come to believe that Emily had changed; that Emily's opinion of her had changed. She wasn't going to let her fears take her back to that dark place of their childhood. She let out a groan of frustration. This was the longest drive home in the history of the automobile.

It had always been about protecting Emily. That was why she left Rosewood. That was why she was so cold to Emily when Emily started at Pepperdine, to keep Emily from falling. That was why she met with Emily before she made a decision on the opportunity to come back to Philadelphia. She didn't want to put Emily through all of that emotional trauma again, when things always ended the same between the two of them.

Protecting Emily. Paige had been telling herself that for so long that she almost believed it.

But it no longer mattered. None of that mattered. If she was going to be with Emily, she was going to have to be all-in. That meant letting go of whatever past hurt Emily had inflicted. The only way to move ahead was to move on.

Emily had been restless ever since Paige left. She never made it to bed. Instead, she just sat on the couch with a cup of coffee and the TV remote, starting movie after movie, only to abandon them a couple of minutes in. She wasn't in the mood for a romance or a comedy or a drama. She just had too much on her mind.

She hated being there by herself. She wished that she had been the one who drove that night. That way, at least she would have had the long ride home to clear her thoughts. That wasn't really true, though. It wasn't the long ride; it was riding with Paige. Even if she fell asleep in the passenger seat, it was knowing that Paige was there next to her, wordlessly putting her hand on her thigh just to let her know that she was thinking about her.

She couldn't shake feeling that she was on shaky ground with Paige. Paige always looked at her so strangely, as if she were trying to figure out whether she was being genuine or just behaving like a lovestruck teenager. She was too old to be feeling like that. They were too old. They had already wasted too much time, and they weren't getting any younger.

Emily knew that she had changed; that she wasn't the girl Paige had grown up with. Part of her hated Rosewood Emily. And part of her was jealous of Rosewood Emily, because of how much Paige loved her. Part of her just pitied Rosewood Emily, for not realizing what she had in Paige.

These mental games were driving Emily crazy. It was hard trying to figure out what Paige was thinking. And it was hard trying to figure out how much of what she was seeing in Paige was real and how much was her fears getting the best of her. She needed to know, one way or another. She needed some kind of sign. She picked up the phone.

"Em?"

"Hey, Paige. Are you home?"

"No, I…"

"Oh, sorry. I thought you'd be home by now. I don't want to distract you while you're driving."

"No – wait!" Paige cut in before Emily could end the call. "I'm not home. I stopped off for coffee."

"Oh, okay."

"Is everything okay?"

Emily sighed, shifting her position on the couch. "No, not really. I guess. I just…" Emily bit her lip. "I guess, I just don't want to be alone."

"Oh." Paige took a breath. "I could head back there." There was no hesitation in her voice.

"No, Paige, I…"

"It's not a problem, Em. I'm not that far," she lied.

"Paige," Emily said shakily. This was it: Time to put it on the line. "I don't want to be alone. I … I want you to move in with me."

A/N - Ugh! I hate cliffhangers, too. Especially since I don't know what's happening next. :/

Sorry this story is taking forever! Thanks so much for sticking with it! Stay safe! 3