I'm BACK! Sorry for the massive delay, with the virus and finals and some personal stuff I haven't had much time to write. Now that I am working remotely I should be able to get back on track. I hope you are all safe and healthy!

Chapter 12: Words Unsaid

Farkas had been thinking since she nearly died in his arms weeks ago. She nearly died before he ever got the chance to tell her how he felt about her. He rummaged around in his wooden chest and stuffed the pouch Vilkas gave him into his pocket. That morning after breakfast, he would take her for a walk and tell her.

Farkas kept the little pouch in his pocket, he spent most of breakfast poking at his food thinking about what he should do. Illana noticed his abnormal breakfast habits and sat down next to him, "you're not eating? That's a first" she giggled, but her eyes still seemed filled with sadness. He smiled and rolled his eyes at her "you know what..." he laughed, he stared at her a few extra seconds. She scrunched her nose "What?" she giggled, "why are you looking at me like that?"

Farkas smiled, "nothing", he looked beyond suspicious. Illana cocked one eyebrow "gods you're weird today" she said rolling her eyes at him. They sat and ate some breakfast together before going out to the courtyard for practice.

Illana noticed a crack in her sword and huffed "great, just what I needed." Farkas laughed and shook his head "it's about time you got a Skyforge steel sword anyway. You'll need it to battle the world eater. Let's go visit Eorlund." They walked up the hill to the Skyforge, Eorlund was hard at work at the forge.

"Hey Eorlund" Illana chirped "how's the forge running today?" Eorlund turned and smiled, he always enjoyed when Illana came to visit. "It's burning strong my girl, what can I help you with?" Illana placed her weapon on the edge of the forge, "my blade's cracked, Farkas thinks I need a new one" she said shooting him a look. Eorlund inspected the blade, "I would love to make you a true Skyforge steel blade, if you'd allow me to." Illana smiled "Eorlund you already have so much work to do, I don't want to be a burden." The old man shook his head "nonsense my dear, it would be my pleasure!" Illana thanked him and the two left him to his work. As they walked down the hill to the courtyard Farkas stopped her, "we should go somewhere, we've been here so much lately why don't we go somewhere?" Illana looked at him confused "ok? Sure." Farkas kissed her, she looked at him in disbelief. "What are you doing? Someone could have seen that!" Her cheeks blushed red, he bit his lip then whispered in her ear "maybe I don't care." Her heart raced, where was all this coming from? He was always exceedingly careful to make sure no one saw them. "Let's go now" Farkas said taking her hand, they walked out the city gates together, Illana was still completely confused as to what had come over Farkas.

They walked for some time along the roads, before stopping by a small pond. Tall trees surrounded the pond shielding it away from the rest of the world, fish swam, butterflies flew by, it was like a small oasis. Farkas stood at the edge of the pond. "Our father always took us here to play in the water when we were kids, he said he used to bring our mother here when she was alive to get away from the troubles of the world" he said watching some little fish swim in circles. Illana stood next to him holding his hand, she laid her head on his arm and watched the fish with him. After a few minutes she felt Farkas take a deep breath before turning to face her. He brushed bits of hair off her face, and smiled "you always have hair in your face, what would you do without me?" She smiled, but the thought crossed her mind, a life without Farkas. A longing pain entered her heart at the thought of it, she was in love with him although she was too stubborn to admit it. She had been in love with him long before the night they spent under the Everglow tree, but with Farkas being new to love and women, she didn't dare tell him and scare him off.

"I don't know what I'd do without you" she whispered looking into his eyes. Vilkas had told him on their walk back to Jorrvaskr after their impromptu hunting trip that he just needed to wait until the moment was right, but here was the moment and the words escaped him. "Vilkas says you remind him of the stories my father used to tell us of our mother, he really does like you deep down under all that brooding" Farkas said changing the subject. Illana smiled "is that why you kissed me out in the open today?" Farkas shrugged and laughed "well there's no point hiding it anymore, half of Jorrvaskr knows, I guess we weren't as subtle as we thought." Illana looked at him concerned, "who knows?" He chuckled "oh like I said half of Jorrvaskr. Aela, Vilkas, I'm sure Kodlak knows, he knows everything." Illana bit her lip "Ria too." Farkas shook his head and laughed "see more than half of Jorrvaskr!"

He took another deep breath, "Illana listen, I'm not good at these things, and I don't really know what to do with big feelings. The day you walked into Jorrvaskr, the day I met you, nothing was ever the same. I've never enjoyed a woman's company like I do with you, I've never really felt like this for anyone." Her heart was pounding out of her chest she wanted to tell him exactly how she felt about him, before she could open her mouth to tell him he cupped her face in his hand. "Illana I love you, I've loved you since the day we went to the cairn together, and maybe I don't really get this whole love thing, but I know I don't want to think about life without you either."

Tears streamed down her face, she tried to speak but no words came out. She loved him too, she loved him from the moment she kissed him in the cairn. Before he could say anything else she jumped up wrapping her arms around him and kissed him. She looked into his beautiful silver eyes and pressed her forehead against his. "I love you Farkas" she whispered kissing him again.

Farkas reached for the little pouch in his pocket, but stopped. He knew what his heart wanted him to do, but his head told him it would all be too much too fast. He reached for Illana's hand instead, "Come on, let's get back you Jorrvaskr, Tilma will have our heads if she has to make us a meal after everyone's already ate"

Illana pulled him back, "wait, Farkas there's something I need to tell you" the lump built in her throat and tears streamed down her cheeks. "Odahviing, the dragon we trapped, he told me the Alduin is hiding in Sovngarde." Farkas smiled, "That's great! So you know right where he is!" Her heart broke and the tears flowed heavily, "Farkas, I...I have to go to Sovngarde to defeat him" she sobbed as she took a breath. The fear of what she was going to say next crept over Farkas' face. Illana looked at him, "and I... I don't know if there's any coming back." She fell to her knees sobbing. Farkas wrapped his arms around her, his heart breaking into pieces. He brushed the hair out of her face, and wiped the tears from her cheeks. Farkas took the small pouch out of his pocket and placed it in her hands, "you will find a way, my father always told me that love, even in death, will always find a way" he closed her hands around the pouch "hold onto this and know that I will wait for you, no matter what the outcome." She hugged him tightly as he lifted her to her feet. "I love you Farkas" she whispered, he gently kissed her before the two walked back to Jorrvaskr.