Chapter 33

Getting Tim back to DC took time. Not only was it still a painful thing for him to consider, he was still emotionally shaky. The McGees decided to go to DC with him and act as moral support if he needed it for a while. They would also use that time to get Sarah back into college. Gibbs had flown to Maine, and he wasn't about to muscle in on the McGees' car, so he'd fly back. The question was whether Tim would ride with his family and get there more slowly or if he'd fly with Gibbs and get there long before his family did.

After talking it over, they decided that Gibbs would go back and smooth the way for him, and Tim would ride with his family to give him time to better wrap his mind around what he was doing and with the kind of overt support that he needed.

It was just a matter of packing things up.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"You're not the only one who came to work dressed differently today," Abby said, sounding more than a little miffed.

Tim couldn't figure out why she was so upset.

"I saw Tony and Ziva," he said.

Abby sounded more miffed. "I was talking about me."

Tim wasn't sure how to react. Abby dressed strangely all the time.

"Here's a hint," she said, acidly. "I am not one of the Village People!"

Then, finally, it clicked and Tim felt terrible. His book signing had completely distracted him and he hadn't thought of anything else besides the fact that his book had been published. But he was still trying to keep it a secret from his team and so he couldn't admit to that.

"Oh, no. The Habitat for Humanity was this weekend! Abby. Abby, I'm so sorry, okay? I'm sorry. I completely forgot. You must hate me," Tim said, a little despondently.

Abby instantly relented. "I could never hate you, McGee."

"Tim, are you packed?"

Tim was startled and looked at his duffle bag sitting on the bed. It was only half full. He had stopped packing and thought about that day when they'd all been called into work and he'd been doing some book promotions but no one had known. He hadn't even told Abby about it. He had kept his book a secret for as long as he could. He had kept the sequel a secret for as long as he could, too, and he could almost smile at the thought of the dedicatory page he'd written.

But there was nothing left of any of that now...and he didn't want there to be, either. One thing he felt no ambivalence about was destroying his book and his sequel. He wanted nothing to do with it. Ever again.

"Tim?"

He looked up and saw his mother standing in the doorway to the small bedroom. She had brought him to get the rest of his things before leaving Maine the next morning.

"Are you packed?"

"Almost," he said and then sighed.

Naomi walked over and sat down beside him on the bed. She patted his knee.

"Tim, it will never feel like it's easy when you start," she said, "but you have to take this first step, even if it feels hard."

"Even if it feels impossible?" Tim asked, softly.

"Yes. Even then. And we'll be with you all the way."

Tim smiled a little. "I know. How did you keep Sarah from being here to help me pack?" he asked.

"She's making sure the car is ready...so that there's nothing left to chance."

Tim nodded.

"Are you going to keep this place?" Naomi asked.

"For now," Tim said, looking around the room. "I'll have to get the title changed to my real name, but it's not a bad house."

"Yes, you will." Then, Naomi took him by the shoulders and turned him toward her. "And, Tim?"

"Yeah?"

She shook him a little. "Never think that you don't deserve to live. Never think that you shouldn't exist, that we shouldn't know you, that you're worthless. Never think that about yourself. That letter you wrote to us was just about the most painful thing I've ever seen in my life. Never think that about yourself again. Ever."

"But, Mom..."

"No, buts."

They both smiled a little at that because it was something she'd said to him fairly often when he was young.

"Tim, you deserve a happy life. Period."

"Maybe."

"No. Not maybe. Definitely. Absolutely. Now and forever," Naomi said, sternly. "You deserve it and you're going to get it if I have to drag you around by your ears."

Tim found he could laugh at that. Naomi let him go and stood up.

"Finish packing. I'll finish cleaning out the cupboards."

"Did Gibbs leave already?" Tim asked, suddenly realizing that Gibbs had been staying here and he wasn't here now.

"His flight was early this morning," Naomi said. "He said he'd see us when we got down there."

"Oh."

Tim took another deep breath and looked around the room once more.

"This is a good thing, Tim," Naomi said. "Even if it takes time to readjust to being back there, what you're doing is a good thing."

"Let nothing but fear stop me?" Tim asked, looking out the window.

"No. Not even fear should stop you because I know you're afraid, right now, and you don't need to be. Don't let even fear stop you from getting your life back."

Before Tim was ready for it, Naomi grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet. Then, she hugged him tightly.

"I love you, Tim. This is going to work."

"I hope so," Tim whispered.

"It will. Now, finish packing."

"Okay."

Naomi let him go and Tim turned back to his duffle bag. Without the typewriter, it wasn't going to be full.

That was all right.

He tried to focus on getting all his things gathered. That was the important thing for now.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

It felt like a long time since he'd been back at NCIS, but Gibbs was headed inside to do battle and he wasn't going to let any discomfort worm its way into his mind. He had to focus on making sure that Tim could have his job back. His desk had never been filled. Now, he could fill it again, and Gibbs wanted that. He didn't want to let the chaos of the last year stop him from doing what was necessary.

He strode into the bullpen and saw Tony and Ziva at work on something. He had no idea what. He didn't care. As he walked through, Tony glanced up and then jerked his head up.

"Boss! You're back! Uh... Where's McGee?" he asked.

"On his way," Gibbs said. "With his family."

"Oh. But he's coming back?"

"Yeah."

Then, Gibbs kept walking to the stairs.

"Boss?"

Gibbs paused and looked back.

"Where are you going?"

Gibbs raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, yeah. Why?"

"I'm getting Tim's job back," Gibbs said and then continued up the stairs. He paused once and looked down at Ziva. She met his gaze but said nothing.

She probably wouldn't truly believe it until it had happened. Oh, well. He would focus on what needed to be done right now. Gibbs continued on his way up the stairs. He strode past Cynthia, ignoring her half-hearted attempt to at least slow him down. He turned the knob and walked into the office.

Jenny was on the phone and she managed to look both resigned and surprised at his appearance. He stood there, staring at her, waiting for her to get off the phone.

"Okay. I'll call you back," she said. "Yes. Thank you. Good-bye."

Then, she hung up the phone and looked at Gibbs expectantly. Gibbs said nothing.

"Well, nice of you to come back to work, Agent Gibbs. What can I do for you?" she asked, with just a hint of sarcasm.

"McGee's coming back and is getting his job back."

"Oh, is he?" she asked, her eyebrow going up. "And just why do you think that will happen? Agent McGee quit a full year ago. Despite the fact that you've refused to fill his position, he no longer works here. It was very clear. He vanished. He isn't on the roster and he likely is no longer qualified."

"He can be."

"Again, why should he come back after the debacle last year? His disappearance didn't look good and we're lucky that Abby's parents weren't vindictive or that Landon Grey's family didn't protest what had happened. It could have been an absolute nightmare."

"It was. For him."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning that McGee had a breakdown. He wasn't thinking clearly and he couldn't handle what happened."

"So why should he come back here if he can't handle the job?"

Gibbs took a breath and let it out.

"Because he could have handled it if I had done my job."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning that I ignored the problems he'd been having before and I didn't bother to do anything to help him when Abby was killed."

"What problems?"

"Dealing with being involved in friendly fire last year, his sister almost being raped a few months ago, and one of his best friends being killed in the bomb just before Abby was killed. I didn't do anything when I could have and McGee couldn't handle another incident like that." He took another breath. "Jen, he deserves to be able to come back here."

Jenny's face softened slightly.

"Does he actually want to?"

"He doesn't know yet, but he needs to try it."

"Does he? Or do you need him to try it?"

Gibbs knew that Jenny wasn't all that impressed with Tim. Tim wasn't the typical agent and she expected to see the typical agent. Anything else wasn't as useful. She probably didn't see Tim's resignation as any great loss. But it was. Gibbs knew it, and he also knew that Tim needed the chance to find out if he could come back here. He'd always wonder if he didn't take the chance now.

"He needs this."

"NCIS is not a psychiatric hospital, Jethro. It's a high-stress job where we investigate crimes against the Navy. Have you forgotten that?"

"Have you forgotten how valuable McGee is?"

Another silent eyebrow raise. Skepticism.

"You're throwing away a valuable resource just because he doesn't fit what you think an NCIS agent should look like."

"And?"

"And if you let him go, you're shooting us in the foot. He's not the kind of agent I am. He's not the kind of agent DiNozzo is. He's different, but he has something we need. And I'm not letting you let him go."

"He's already gone, Gibbs," Jenny said. "Remember?"

"Only if you force it, and there's no reason to. His desk is open. He hasn't been replaced. It's not pushing anyone else out if McGee comes back. It's just... making things the way they should be."

"Without Abby?"

Gibbs suppressed a wince. That was below the belt and he knew Jenny was aware of that. So he didn't respond to that question.

"McGee is coming back. If you try to stop it, I'll fight you on it."

"Is it worth fighting?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because it's my fault he left. It's my fault he didn't have someone stop him from it. He would still have had problems, but it could have been handled here. I've seen how low he was, Jen. I'm not letting him stay there. He's coming back."

He turned and started for the door.

"Jethro."

He stopped and turned back.

"I'll allow it, but it's on a probationary basis. If he can't handle the job anymore, it's not good for your team, for him or for the people you're supposed to be helping. I'll be watching."

"But will you actually see anything," Gibbs asked.

Then, he turned around again and left the office, satisfied that Tim could come back. Jenny was right that it would be hard and maybe wouldn't be the best plan, but Tim deserved the chance to try.

And he would get that chance.

Gibbs went down to the bullpen. Tony and Ziva had obviously been waiting for him.

"Well, Boss?" Tony asked.

"He's coming back," Gibbs said.

"The director is allowing it?" Ziva asked, actually sounding somewhat skeptical. So she had known something of Jenny's attitude before this. He didn't ask why Ziva hadn't said anything beforehand.

"Yes."

"Just like that?"

Gibbs smiled a bit. "No."

"What do you mean, Boss?" Tony asked.

"McGee will be on probationary status. To see if he can handle it."

"How long will he get?" Ziva asked.

"As long as he needs."

"That's what the director said?" Tony asked.

"No. That's what I say," Gibbs said.

To his surprise, Tony smiled at that and nodded.

"Sounds about right," he said and seemed more like his old self than he had for months. He seemed quite satisfied with Gibbs' response.

Gibbs wasn't sure what had changed there, but if Tony was happy, he'd accept it.

And Tim was coming back. This time, he'd get what he needed. This time, his team wouldn't be broken up by a tragedy. They'd get through it.

No matter what it took.