Chapter 13

'You may hold my hand for a while, but you hold my heart forever.'

~Audrey Hepburn

"I'm really sorry, Vanessa. I'm sure you had a hard time looking after the kids." Astrid started once Harry's mother ushered them into his home on their return. "I hope Neil didn't give you too much trouble, he can be a handful sometimes."

"What? Of course not, Astrid! Your son is such a sweetheart. I would honestly be mad if you don't bring him here more often." She replied, "The joy he radiates is so heartwarming, such a beautiful soul, and you were worried about raising him right."

Astrid chuckled. "You are more experienced in that area, Vanessa."

"Was that an indirect compliment?" Harry suddenly chirped in, closing the door after them. "And you made me feel like a simp for ten years of my life."

Harry could joke about his strange obsession with her now, but it had been more of a torture to him back then as a teenage boy. He'd noticed the kind of guys that had her attention, guys like Eric. Tall, muscular, athletic, cool, hawkish, and he never checked up any of that. Although he grew taller with time, he still failed at his attempt to hit the gym, failed at his tryout for the track team and was still socially awkward and distant from people.

Harry understood that it was just the adolescent phase they both were in, but it was great to know that she saw him a lot differently now. She didn't just see him in a better light but also placed him on a pedestal that she now aspired for her son. Neil was an amazing kid, with an amazing mother, he was definitely going to grow up to be a lot better than him.

"You are a simp, Harry." Astrid gave him a playful nudge. "There's nothing wrong with that. You are sensitive, but that's what makes you a great son and a great father."

Her radiant smile seemed so irresistible. Gods, he wanted to kiss her so bad.

"Don't fuel his ego, Astrid. You would regret it." Vanessa's gaze flickered between the both of them with a huge smile on her face. "Neil is definitely better in that aspect."

He gave his mother a cold glare that she completely took delight in. He did admire the comfort and friendship that already existed between her and Astrid, and was appreciative of how receptive she always was towards his relationships. He just hoped that her involvement in his private life would be a little restricted, just so it would make it less awkward for his new girlfriend.

"We can't really say that now, can we? They do change when they get older, don't they?" Astrid snickered, stealing glances at Harry who rolled his eyes in disbelief.

"They definitely do." His mother replied, "I wish I could hold up to that childhood innocence. Growing up is good, but it makes them so unrecognizable, it's really sad."

"I'm holding on very tightly." She smirked, amused by Harry's expression. "Now that I've still got the time...and now that he's not yet taller than me."

"Ladies, I'm right here." Harry interrupted, and they both exploded in laughter. "So, that's your plan, huh Astrid? Find your way back into my life, and turn my family against me?"

"That sounds like a lot of achievement if you ask me." She teased, as he impulsively raced towards Astrid and wrapped both arms around her waist, picking her up. She laughed out, wiggling and struggling out of his grip.

"Harry! Let go!"

"First, Zia, then my mother?" He spun her around, joining in her laughter. He finally let her go when he noticed his mother watching them in silence with a placid smile, seeming to be enjoying their display of affection.

"Uhm...sorry Vanessa." She pulled the edge of her sweatshirt down, a hinge of awkwardness sliding in. "Is it okay if I go get Neil? Waking him up would be a little difficult and then there's his concentrator and…"

"You're gonna leave now? It's pretty late, Astrid, why don't you stay over for the night? We've got plenty of rooms and you can't wake that little boy now, he just went to sleep."

"Uhm...that's okay, Vanessa. I don't want to be a bother." Her voice seemed uneasy. "I can take him home without waking him up, and I also need to prepare for work so…"

"I'll drop you off first thing in the morning by six, I promise." Harry quickly took on his mother's suggestion just so he could spend a little more time with her.

She seemed a bit puzzled, "That's gonna be a lot for you, isn't it? Dropping me off and getting back here again to take Zia to school."

"Well...you're my girlfriend, Astrid. It's totally worth it."

She smiled as they both locked eyes on each other. He blinked almost immediately, still a little conscious about his mother's presence. "So, you don't have any excuse, okay?"

"Alright, I'll sleepover."

"Take her to the guest room, Harry. I'll just get Neil to join you in a few minutes. I'm guessing you have to watch him closely at night because of his…"

"Bronchopulmonary dysplasia." He noticed how much she struggled to get the words out of her mouth. "He was born prematurely, and the long term incubation that followed caused a lot of damage to his lungs...I just thought you both deserved to know about it."

Damn.

He knew about her son's health condition but hadn't realized it was that bad. Astrid had never even told him that she'd had issues with her pregnancy, and the circumstances around Neil's birth. He felt really bad because she pretty much knew almost everything about him. She was the only person besides his mother that he could boast knew him inside out, and even if they were now a couple, he felt like he knew nothing about her. They'd talked throughout their date, and he desperately wanted to ask more questions, to know more about her. He also didn't want to put pressure on her to make her revisit the events of her past.

Astrid had gone through a whole lot. She'd been engaged to a man she was willing to spend her life with. She'd also been abandoned with a child for a reason she knew nothing about. It wasn't something she would want to bring up or talk openly about. He remembered how much she cried when they'd last talked about it, and he never wanted to see her in that state again. Despite how much pain it caused her, he needed to talk to her about her son and help out with those problems. Maybe she was used to handling them on her own, but he was with her now, they were now on this journey together, and he had to make her understand that she didn't have to bear her burdens alone.

"I'm so sorry, Astrid." His mother seemed just as startled as he was, and he hoped it wasn't overwhelming on Astrid's end.

"It's alright. It was my fault anyway." He could tell she was fighting back tears, the exact reason he'd been silent on the topic all along. "I fell into labour prematurely because I didn't take care of myself...he's just paying for my mistakes."

"Come on, Astrid, don't say that. You were going through a hard time, you don't have to blame yourself for anything."

Harry ignored his mother's words and pulled Astrid towards him, wrapping his arms tight around her. She quickly buried her face in his chest like she was hiding her tears from them. He knew her, she wasn't the kind of girl to show her vulnerability to anyone, it was the only thing he wished he could change about her. He raked his fingers through her hair, glancing at his mother, who had plain worry and concern written all over her face.

'Don't leave her side. She needs you.'

She wasn't audible, but her words were clear enough for him to get the message. He smiled and nodded in response, watching her leave the two of them alone. He leaned into Astrid's hair when she tightened her grip on him, holding on and still not letting go.

"Are you okay?"

"No." She sniffed. "Thanks to you."

He chuckled, "Alright, if putting the blame on me makes you any better, then you're right, it's my fault."

He felt relieved when she giggled in response. "It's still not gonna make me feel better."

"Well...it was worth a try."

"I'm sorry, Harry."

"Huh? For what?"

"I noticed how shocked you were and I felt like...I don't know...I feel like you've been so open about your past to me, and I haven't."

"Hey...I never said I had a problem with that."

"You never have a problem with anything." She gently pulled away, her eyes meeting his. "I know you're scared of asking, but you still deserve to know, Harry. I shouldn't also be waiting for you to ask, I should've told you everything because you…"

"Shhh…" He placed his index finger on her lip. "Look, Astrid, I admit that when I chose to be with you, I also wanted to be involved in every aspect of your life...of your son's life."

"You see? I knew you weren't…"

"But…" He interrupted almost immediately. "Relationships build with time, and trust requires patience, Astrid. I can't expect you to open up to me now just because we are together. Tell me the things you feel comfortable with, and keep back the things you don't. I'll respect whatever choices you make, so take your time. Whenever you're ready, no matter how long it takes, it's alright. I'm not going anywhere...I'll be right here...ready to listen."

He studied her expression and the way she gazed at him in disbelief. He smirked, waiting patiently for her reply, but after her silent stare, she seemed distracted by something behind him. He turned around, a bit curious about it, and froze when he realized what caught her attention. He suddenly found himself in a situation he'd never wanted to be in. Astrid was staring at Camilla's portrait, the same one Zia caught him a million times staring at in tears. She didn't seem sad or disappointed like he'd expected, she somehow held the brightest smile he'd seen from her and it confused him the more.

"Uhm...about that...I uh…"

She seemed to notice his discomfort, "She's so beautiful, Harry. You weren't kidding when you said Zia was her exact copy, the resemblance is really striking."

"Does that...make you...uncomfortable?"

"What? Uncomfortable?" She gave him a quizzical glance. "Is this the reason why you've been so hesitant towards the idea of moving on? Because you think you would have to forget her?"

"I'm sorry, I just don't understand how it makes you feel."

"Harry, calm down. Why are you shaking?" She asked, taking his hand in hers, and closing her fist around his. "I didn't agree to be with you because I intended on replacing her. She was your wife, and you loved her...you still do...and I'm completely fine with that."

He stared at her in disbelief, "That's too much of a sacrifice, Astrid. We decided to let go of our pasts and build a future together. It's not fair on your part if you…"

"She's a woman like me, Harry. She was a mother like I am, so I could never mess with her relationship with you or with her daughter. You can't change the past or the fact that she was your wife and Zia's mother and I can never take her place in both your lives." She traced her fingers around his jawline. "So you can let go of the pain of the past, but not your memories of her. I also hope that you can somehow love me like you once did, and I can also have a spot in your heart too."

He stood staring at her, his mother's words echoing loudly in his ears. He'd never believed that it was possible to find someone who'd be willing to see through his brokenness and pain and love him unconditionally. If he did believe in that for a moment, Astrid Hofferson, his ex-girlfriend, was the very last person he'd expected to play that role. He knew she'd changed a lot, but she kept surprising him even more. He'd been working on his attachment to the memories of Camilla, but she had assured him that it was alright to keep them, as long as he also held her close to his heart. He did. He'd done that for ten years in the past, and she'll always have that special place in his heart.

He searched her eyes in silence, both expressions revealing the depth of love and admiration they had for each other. He really loved her so much and even if she was completely understanding about him and Camilla, he was still going to consider her emotions and keep to the boundaries. He was never going to make her feel like a replacement, make comparisons, or make her feel like she had anything to prove. She wasn't too different from Camilla, but she also wasn't Camilla, and he vowed to always remember and respect that fact.

"So...are you gonna take me to the guest room or what?" She reached out an open arm, gesturing for him to join her. "Your mother would be out with Neil soon, and I have to be ready to tuck him in again. He's a light sleeper."

Harry smiled and took her hand in his, sliding his fingers through hers. He led her upstairs and down the hallway to the guest room, opposite his bedroom. He opened the door, ushering her in, and a bit amused at her dazed expression. She seemed impressed with his home, but he hoped it wouldn't scare her from the level of comfort they currently shared with each other. She'd known him before and his wealth wasn't a shock to her, he just hoped she would keep seeing beyond that. They were together now, and despite his status, they were equals. He was still the very same guy that she'd caught dropping off a note in her backpack twelve years ago, the same guy she'd kissed under the rain.

"I didn't formally welcome you to my home."

She snorted, "Like we've had anything formal between us."

"We work together, isn't that formal enough for you?"

"It would be…" She took a short pause and snickered. "If you keep your eyes on the right people during your board meetings."

"I did...for three days in your absence, that's something."

"See? That's exactly why everyone at the company thinks we are having an affair, Harry."

He shrugged with a sly smile. "You mean we aren't?"

He was well aware of the rumours, overhearing various conversations amongst his employees. For some reason, instead of holding back his attachment to her, it fueled his desire to spend more time with her. He wanted her to know that he'd changed, that he wasn't that kid that would constantly let go of her hand in the presence of her friends, or let the opinions of people define his relationship with her. He was in love with her, and he wasn't going to let bland rumours stop him from expressing it.

She rolled her eyes, but it didn't stop her from letting out that beautiful smile he so much loved to see. He slipped his arm around her waist and pulled her close to him.

"So you knew about the rumours, huh?"

"Did I?"

"Was that why you jumped on the option of me sleeping over tonight?"

"Maybe?" He kept teasing. "I'm kidding. It's just that...I went crazy when you decided to leave the company, Astrid. I thought I had lost you again. Now you're here, I want to get up tomorrow and confirm that tonight wasn't just a dream...I really enjoyed every single moment of it."

"Same here." She wrapped her arms around his neck leaning her forehead on his and giggling like a flustered teenage school girl. "Thank you for today. I can't remember the last time I'd been on a date."

"I uh...hope it was...worth the wait."

"And if it wasn't?"

She kissed him before he could give a reply. It started out gentle, sweet and unpresumptuous, and he smiled into the kiss, wondering the reason for her sudden display of innocence. His hands involuntarily travelled up her waist, pushing her long, wavy golden locks that hung over her shoulder behind her. His long fingers were wrapped along her neck, cupping the back of her head, as he deepened the kiss. His tongue glided along her bottom lip demanding entrance, to which she obliged so eagerly, and it was the moment torture kicked in. He found himself suddenly sprinting down a path that he'd intended to walk down slowly and with time.

He wanted so much more than a physical relationship with her. He needed her presence, her time, her attention, her care, her support...her love. This was just an addition that they didn't need to rush into and she understood that, didn't she? But she didn't stop him. His open hand against her back slowly moved up and down her skin. He was still hesitant, because they hadn't drawn any lines to state the limits of their relationship, and she might have hers that he wasn't aware of. She just moaned in response as he explored the wetness of her mouth, both tongues entangled in a seductive rhythm.

They could spend the rest of the night just like this, in each other's arms, just sharing a passionate kiss, but no...desire coursed through his veins and he found himself wanting more. Astrid still wasn't stopping him, instead, she arched into his touch, falling backwards until her back was against the wall. The impact caused him to break off, hoping she'd realize they needed to hold back, at least for the meantime. He looked into her eyes and could feel the blood drain from his veins. She wasn't stopping him because she yearned for him just as much as he did for her.

She seemed so out of breath, but searched his eyes, with hers that was full of lust and need, but with a lingering hinge of disappointment, probing his soul to state the reason for his withdrawal. She wanted him. He could tell by the way her racing heartbeat matched his. He just watched her swallow under his penetrating gaze, probably waiting for him to kiss her again. His body was all for it, but his mind was pulling him back. He wanted to be logical, to be mature, to build their emotional relationship and trust first, and he needed to make it clear to her. But her gaze trapped his words and he just stood in silence watching as her chest rose and fell in anticipation, unable to walk away.

"It's okay."

Her fingers trailed down his jawline and her provocative look melted his self-control. He wanted her. He needed her. He loved her, but he wanted to know and be sure that this was what she wanted. Her words were his confirmation and permission, but he still had the power to hold back, to say no, to take it slow. He sucked in his breath when she took his right hand in hers leading it towards her chest. She let him palm her left breast, still holding him captive to the power of her eyes.

"I mean it."

His lips immediately captured hers again, more passionate, hungrier and more greedy. His blood boiled and all the logic and hesitations were gone. Heat spread out through his body, engulfing his senses and igniting feelings that he thought would combust if he didn't have her right now. The thin line faded between love and lust, but he wasn't interested in marking it out again, his need became more fervent with every stroke of her tongue on his. She whimpered at the loss when his lips left hers trailing down her neck, and he felt her curl her fingers through his dishevelled hair, holding his head at its position as he nibbled and sucked, planting rough kisses down her nape. Her head fell back, giving herself completely over to him.

Harry felt like a completely different person. He'd never been the one to be controlled by his emotions, but watching Astrid writhe helplessly beneath him sent an unusual feeling of pride and satisfaction. He loved the way she arched into his touch when his hands crept beneath her blouse, fingers stroking her bare skin. He loved the way she clung and pressed onto him, pulling him closer and closer towards her. She wasn't holding back for a second because unlike him, she'd always been the one who was more expressive towards their love for each other.

He kissed her again, his hands wandering towards the small of her back. She wrapped her arms around his neck nibbling on his lower lip as he picked her up in a swift move. He then dropped her on the vanity table with a force that was completely unintentional. He didn't want to hurt her, but he also couldn't control himself. His fingers trembled slightly as he unbuttoned her blouse and she pushed the fabric off her shoulders. He stopped, staring at the view beneath her shoulders, but didn't linger too long, just enough for her to see how beautiful she was to him.

There was something so disarming about seeing her half-naked, but the vulnerability in her eyes was something he couldn't resist. Her eyes were locked on his as her hands moved to unhook her bra. She hesitated for a while, watching him in silence, and her fingers still at the hook, making him doubt the assurance she'd given of her consent. Both eyes were fixed on each other, melting in the heat that radiated through them. He noticed the sudden sadness in her eyes and his heart dropped.

"You're holding back, Harry."

Harry swallowed hard. He couldn't give her a reply, because he had none. She wasn't far from the truth. Despite the lust, passion and craving for her, he still wanted to choose patience. He wanted to make her realize that his feelings for her were far beyond physical attraction. He knew he'd crushed on her in the past because she was the prettiest girl he'd ever seen, but time had revealed a lot more about her that made him love her even more.

"No, I just...uh…"

"Astrid?" The gentle knock on the bedroom door was the force that pulled them apart. Harry quickly covered her up, slowly placing the buttons in their respective holes. Her eyes never left him, and although she was silent, he could tell that she was hurt. She came down from the vanity table and walked past him, straightening her top as she headed for the door. Harry hoped he didn't just send the wrong message with the right intentions.

"I managed to get him here without waking him up." He heard his mother's voice, watching her place the sleeping little boy gently into Astrid's arms.

"Thank you so much, Vanessa. I really can't thank you enough."

"Please...I had a great time with the kids, you shouldn't be thanking me for that." She replied, her expression showing her surprise when she noticed him behind her. "Oh, Harry...you're still here. I thought you would've…"

"It's okay, mum. I'm leaving anyway." He quickly leaned in and planted a kiss on Astrid's forehead. "Goodnight."

She didn't respond, but nodded, her eyes now avoiding his. Yup. He really had a lot of explaining to do. "I'll just tuck Zia in, mum."

"Alright, I'll meet you there."

"Uhm...is everything okay? Did I interrupt something?" Vanessa probably noticed the awkwardness and tension between her and Harry. Astrid blinked after watching him leave so hastily like he couldn't wait to get away from her. She hoped his mother didn't read too much into his attitude, she didn't want to do that either. She wanted to believe that he wasn't holding back from her, it was just wrong timing.

"Of course not, Vanessa." She quickly responded, "You didn't interrupt anything."

"Alright, I'll help you get this in."

"Thank you."

Vanessa rolled in Neil's concentrator, and Astrid followed, carefully placing him on the bed they were both going to share for the night. Tucking him in, she planted a kiss on his forehead, smiling as he snuggled towards her in response. Vanessa placed his concentrator at the bedside, close to his position on the bed. Astrid noticed her focus was on Neil, with plain worry on his face. This was the reason why she'd intended on keeping her son's condition to herself, she didn't want the pity, or the worry, she'd been coping just fine.

"Do you need help setting it up?"

"No, that's fine. I'll do that right after my shower before going to bed."

"About that…" She walked towards the wardrobe and slid the mirrored door and took out a hanger that held a pair of pyjamas. "I'd kept it just in case you decided to stay over."

Astrid smiled, "Thank you so much, Vanessa."

"It's mine, so it might be a little large, but I hope that's alright with you."

"Sure! That's not a problem, it's perfect!"

"Does that hurt? Were you…" She pointed towards the nape of her neck, but trailed off when she realized what it was.

Astrid froze. She'd never been more embarrassed and humiliated in her entire life! This was it. She was going to kill Harry! She was going to strangle him for walking out without pointing out the huge hickey he'd left behind. She was going to kill him for letting his mother figure it out before she did, and most of all, talking her into sleeping over at his home.

"Oh...okay, I'll just...uhm...Goodnight Astrid."

"Goodnight Vanessa." She managed to reply unable to give his mother a second glance as she left the bedroom. Astrid shut her eyes, wishing she'd insisted on going home, after all, she hadn't planned on staying in the first place. Her gaze fell to her son who was sleeping soundly. She smiled when she noticed he was dressed in a set of pyjamas that was a lot bigger than him, probably Zia's. She really appreciated Harry's mother's hospitality and reception towards her presence in Harry's life. She'd expected a little hesitation based on the way their relationship ended in the past, but despite the fact that she'd hurt Harry before, Vanessa was still hopeful for a brighter future for their new relationship.

Astrid took a brisk shower and set up her son's concentrator, studying his breathing like she always did during their night routine. She flashed back to her conversation with Harry regarding her son and the part of her life that she hadn't opened up to him. She knew his intentions were pure and he really wanted to be a father to Neil, but it was too much of a burden that she wasn't willing to share, at least not yet. She laid down next to Neil watching him, and tears blurred her eyes in guilt as she watched him sleep.

She wished she had listened to her father, to Molly, to Heather, to everyone who'd told her to move on, to focus on herself and her pregnancy. She'd chosen not to move on, and now Neil was paying for his parent's mistakes. She couldn't drag Harry into it, it was her problem, her issue and her son. She wrapped her arms around her little boy, cuddling him while struggling herself with drifting off to sleep.

There was no way sleep would come that easily after that moment she had with Harry and his hesitation towards her. She couldn't deny the fact that they were moving too fast, especially for a first date, but she'd seen the look in his eyes, the hunger, passion. She'd given him her consent because it was the only way she could show him that she was serious about him this time, that she really loved him, and that he'd always been worthy of her love. She didn't want to give him a reason to hold back from her or walk away again.

Despite her good intentions, she'd seemed demanding, and even more embarrassed when she noticed that he was holding back. She bit her lower lip, cringing so hard just thinking about it, sighing at the thought of working with him again. She didn't even know if she would be able to face him after this night.

"Miss Astrid?" The faint voice that followed a knock on the door caught her attention and she sprang up, heading towards the door to answer it. "Miss Astrid!"

"Zia! Oh my gosh, you're still awake?"

"I was waiting for you and daddy to get back."

Astrid chuckled in disbelief and picked her up. "Nana said you were asleep, were you pretending again like you always do?"

"Yeah." She nodded and giggled in response. "But she found out when she came in to take Neil away. She said you were here in the guest room."

"Does your daddy know you're awake?"

"No, I have school tomorrow, he'll be mad at me."

"He's right you know? You should be asleep Zia. Do you want me to read you a bedtime story? I could go with you to your bedroom"

"I don't want to go to my bedroom, Miss Astrid." She whined, throwing her arms around Astrid's shoulders and leaned into her. "Can I sleep with you and Neil, please?"

"Why don't you want to sleep in your bedroom, Zia?"

"I just want to be with you...I don't like being alone."

Astrid's heart dropped at the weight of her words. She knew that Harry was lonely, but she hadn't realized that his daughter also shared in that loneliness, explaining her attachment to her and Neil. Harry had told her about his daughter's reaction to their relationship and although she'd been relieved and elated about it, she'd also been nervous about building her relationship with Zia. Although they already developed a bond, she was now more of a mother figure to her now, rather than just a friend and she needed to strengthen their bond in that direction.

"I don't like being alone either." She closed the door behind her, as she walked towards the bed with Zia in her arms. "Of course you can sleep here with me, Zia."

"Thank you!" she exclaimed in joy.

"Shh...we don't want daddy to know you're here, right?"

"Right." She nodded, placing her palm over her mouth. "He's gonna send me back to my room."

"He would never do that, not when I'm here."

Astrid placed Zia gently on the bed on her right from where she'd laid beside Neil previously. She tucked her into the blanket they shared and wrapped an arm around her. Zia snuggled closer to her and she planted a kiss on the little girl's forehead.

"Miss Astrid?"

"Yes, Zia?"

"You're my daddy's girlfriend, right?"

Astrid chuckled, "Yes, Zia. I'm your dad's girlfriend. Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah." She replied with the brightest smile on her face. "Because I know my dad likes you so much...and I like you too."

"That means a lot to me." She returned the smile, giving her shoulder a soft squeeze. "Are you sure you didn't just come here to ask me that?"

"Nope. I just wanted to be with you."

"You're such a sweetheart."

"Is this what it's like, Miss Astrid?"

"What?"

"To sleep by your mother's side?"

Astrid bit her lip hard. "Well...I wouldn't know, Zia. I never met my mother."

"Is she in heaven too?" The pain and softness of her voice broke Astrid. She saw a lot of her six-year-old self in Harry's daughter. "My dad always tells me that she's up there watching over me."

"My dad told me the same thing too."

"Did you believe him?"

"I did," Astrid replied. "I still do...and that's why I always want to make the right choices and be good. It's because I know she's watching me, and would be proud of me."

"So daddy was right."

"Absolutely." She glanced at her. "Your mum's up there, right next to my mum, watching over you."

"Do you think they're friends?"

"Of course they are. The reason I met you, Zia, is because they wanted us to be friends too."

"Do you write letters to her too?"

"All the time. I kept a lot of diaries and they were all letters and things I wanted to tell her."

"She got me a diary for my birthday so I could write letters to her. Can you help me write to her, Miss Astrid? I want to tell her about my birthday party...and about you."

Astrid gave a soft laugh but was actually nervous because she didn't want to come between the relationship between Zia and her mother. "Why don't you just tell her about yourself? About school? Your spelling bee competition? Those sound way better than writing to your mother about me, don't you think so?"

"It's because daddy doesn't cry at mummy's pictures anymore, Miss Astrid...and Nana said that it's because of you."

"So you want to tell your mum that?"

"Yeah."

"Listen to me," Astrid stroked her hair softly. "Your dad didn't stop crying over your mum because of me, Zia...it's because of you. It's because he loves you so much you, and because you make him very happy...I'm sure your mum already knows that."

"Do you ever miss your mummy, Miss Astrid?"

Astrid wrapped her hands around the little girl, hugging her tightly, and planting a kiss on her forehead. "She misses you too, Zia."

Astrid flashed back to her childhood years when it was just her and her father. She'd seen numerous pictures of her mum, but they'd never been enough. Although she never felt like she lacked anything, she'd also seen the relationships between her friends and their mothers and began to crave it. She'd written letters and kept a lot of diaries, about every boy she'd crushed on, every date, every good grade, medal and trophy. She'd told her mother everything, and believed that they somehow all got to her.

Her father was the only reason why losing her mother was even harder to bear. His pain and desolation hurt her the most. Harry was stronger than her father had been because moving on was never an option for Andrew Hofferson. Astrid wished it had, as she'd often been curious to the experience of living with a mother figure. She never had that growing up but had now become that person to Harry's daughter. Astrid was willing to be that person to Zia, she wanted to be the mother figure that she never had.

Harry Haddock ran his fingers through his hair as he sat upon his bed in discomfort. He hadn't been able to get any sleep ever since he'd left Astrid's room an hour ago. He'd intended on tucking Zia in but had completely forgotten about it. His moment with Astrid had thrown him off from thinking straight or doing anything else, unable to get his mind from his interrupted moment with her and her last words.

'You're holding back, Harry.'

He was, but not for the reason she had in mind. He wasn't holding back because he felt like he wasn't worthy of her love, or felt like a replacement to her previous relationship, he was holding back because he loved and respected her. He wanted her to know that he didn't talk her into spending the night over to sleep with her, but to get to know her more, and build on his relationship with her. Her reaction revealed that she wasn't happy about his decision, but he just needed to communicate his intentions to her, it was way too early for any arguments and misunderstandings.

Harry got up picking up his phone beside his lampstand. He'd spoken to the contractor that the company had been expecting for almost a week. Harry had confirmed his arrival to Los Angeles and had secured their first meeting. He still needed to check on Zia, and be sure she was actually asleep, as she needed to be up early to prepare for school the next day. He headed out of his bedroom and down the hallway to Zia's, ignoring the sudden impulse to talk to Astrid. He didn't want to go back there, they both still needed the time to cool off before seeing each other again.

He walked into her bedroom, slowly closing the door behind him. He turned on the light and was shocked to find her bed empty. Gosh, where did she go? His mother had told him that Zia was already asleep, right? Did she go to sleep by his mother's side again as she did occasionally? He left her room and went further towards Vanessa's bedroom.

"Mum?"

"Harry? You're still awake?"

"Zia isn't with you, mum?"

"No, she was asleep in her bedroom when I last checked on her."

"She isn't there right now."

His mother gave a soft chuckle. "Have you checked Astrid's room?"

"Why would she go there? Astrid has a lot on her hands already trying to watch over her son, she can't be there."

"Okay then, go take her back to her bedroom if you can."

Harry shook his head and rushed towards the guest room that he'd been reluctant to go into again, but was now compelled to. Astrid needed her space, at least for the night. He didn't want her to be burdened by his responsibility, as Zia's attachment to her had grown stronger over time. With his mother trailing closely behind him, he arrived at the door of the guestroom. After a few unanswered knocks at the door, he took a glance at Vanessa who urged him to open it.

Harry took in a deep breath and opened the door, his jaw-dropping and heart-melting at his first view after his entry. Astrid was deep asleep in between the kids, with Neil in her left arm and Zia on her right. He watched as his daughter slept soundly in her bosom, with an arm wrapped around Astrid. Neil was on the other end, sleeping with his oxygen concentrator already set up and the air tube placed beneath his nostrils. The machine and process all seemed like a whole lot for a three-year-old kid, and he understood better the reason for Astrid's guilt and why she kept blaming herself for his condition.

"See Harry? I told you." His mother started, her eyes suddenly glistened with tears. "Once you find the right woman for you, Zia's welfare would never be a problem. She would love both you and your daughter."

"Mum? Are you crying?"

"I'm not, Harry."

He slipped his arm around her shoulders. "You know you can't lie to me, mum."

"Really Harry, I'm fine." She replied as hugged her tighter. "It's just that...ever since Camilla passed away, I wanted you and Zia to find happiness again. It might have taken four years to get here, but it was worth the wait. I'm really happy."

"I'm gonna marry her, mum."

"I know...the question is when."

"In a few months or so...we just started out, and I don't want to overwhelm her."

"I'm looking forward to that moment then...when I wouldn't have to worry so much about you anymore because I know you are in good hands now."

"Thank you, mum."

"For what?"

"Remember that silly website? And the blind date you set up for me? It all led me back to her." Harry smiled, "I know I wasn't up for it then, but...thank you so much."

"I just want you to be happy, Harry...that's all that matters."

"I love you, mum."

"I love you too, son." She ruffled his hair like the way she always did when he was a child, only that she had to stand on the tip of her toes to do it now. Harry hadn't appreciated his mother's effort and the fact that meeting Astrid again was all because of her. Her presence in his life meant so much to him as she'd been his biggest support throughout his life.

"Why don't you go join them? Would you rather sleep alone tonight?"

"Goodnight mum." He planted a kiss on her forehead. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Goodnight son." She replied and left the room.

Harry slid into the bed beside his daughter on the right side that held a lot more space. He glanced over to his left, studying Neil's concentrator and his breathing. He really hadn't known the severity of his condition and hoped he could be a huge help in improving and speeding up the recovery process. Harry knew how much Neil wanted to be a normal kid, to run and play like his mates, and to have his dad pick him up from school. He'd already incorporated that into his schedule, to join Astrid in picking him from the daycare, but he needed to do more to build his relationship and bond with her son.

He sat up on the bed watching Astrid sleep. Gods, she looked so beautiful even with her eyes closed. He could see the level of comfort it brought Zia sleeping in her arms and it made it fall even more in love with her. He was going to hold onto this, to what he had with Astrid. He knew he needed to put in a lot more effort to know her more and make her open up completely to him. She'd been hurt before, even by him, so he needed to earn her trust and prove the depth of his love for her. He hadn't felt this way since the day he'd lost Camilla, and he knew that she wanted him to move on, to love again, and to be happy.

"I love you." He whispered brushing her hair away from her face, her chest rising and falling slowly with every breath. His words were straight from his heart, and it was something he wished he could say to her as easily as he just did. He watched his new family, and an indescribable joy soared through his veins. He'd never felt happier and at peace. He wasn't wounded or desolate, he had a complete family now and vowed to love and protect them till the very end.

Astrid Hofferson pulled her gear to a park once she took a spot at the parking lot. Although she was late, she'd still made it just in time for Harry's board meeting his the contractor. She just couldn't understand how Harry was able to drop she and Neil off, return back home to take Zia to school and still make it to work before she did. He'd woken her up like he'd stayed up all night watching her sleep. It felt wonderful waking up next to him and finding out that he'd joined her and the kids in bed while they were asleep. The events of the previous night didn't matter at all. She didn't have to worry about anything.

Stepping out of her car, she closed the door after her and locked it up with her keys. She was very excited to get back to work because, despite the stress and workload that it might be accompanied by, Harry's presence somehow made it worth it. She was excited to see him, would definitely pick up a cup of coffee from the cafeteria for him just in case he hadn't had time before breakfast this morning.

How much longer are you going to make me wait? I miss you already.

Astrid had pulled out her phone, reading an incoming message from Harry. She giggled, shaking her head in disbelief.

Lemme guess you want to make sure that I didn't go for that interview?

Well, I didn't try to make it less obvious.

I'm here, Harry. I would choose to be with you a million times over.

Wow, I never took you for a romantic, Astrid...ever.

Astrid pressed on the buttons of the elevator, laughing out at his reply. Harry was really going to turn this on her huh? He'd always been the person of words, and she'd been the one of action and he'd still never taken her for a romantic? Maybe he'd been a lot more dense and oblivious back than she'd thought.

You really want us to have that talk now, huh Harry?

Na, I don't want to revisit the trauma of having a broken arm.

Good to hear that.

By the way, I'm with the contractor right now, but he's on a phone call. Our meeting starts in about five minutes, can you still make it here?

Just got out the elevator, made it already.

Astrid walked out of the elevator passing a couple of work stations that were already occupied by employees at work. She got a few glances but ignored them like Harry had taught her to. She didn't care or worry about that silly rumour either, their relationship had gone past that. She walked towards Harry's office, nostalgia flowing through her at every step she took. It'd been just a few days but felt like she'd been away forever. It felt good to be back, into his company, and into his life.

She smiled when she saw her desk, still unoccupied and the exact same way she'd left it a few days ago. She was definitely going to fill it up later, and meet up with Laura and a few other employee friends she'd made. She set down her bag and coat, pulling out the files Harry had given her earlier, she had gone through them to get updated on the content of the meeting. It seemed like he really needed her presence in as this was the final stage to either be awarded or declined the contract they'd been working so hard for.

Can I come in?

She sent to him right before knocking at the door.

Are you kidding?

She smirked because his reply wasn't she'd expected, but she went it anyway.

"Good morning, Sir." She greeted when she walked in, smiling at the way his face lit up when he saw her. It was like he needed her to be in his office to actually believe that she'd chosen to return to the company. She also noticed a dark-haired guy sitting across from Harry with his back facing her, it didn't take much to point out that he was the long-awaited contractor. The one who's final decision determined the fate of their project. She just hoped it all worked out in the company's favour because Harry already seemed stressed about the outcome.

"Good morning," Harry replied, with a smile that she wished he could just tone done for formality sake. "You're just in time. Sir, she is the one we've been waiting for...my assistant Astrid Hofferson."

The middle-aged man suddenly looked backwards towards her hastily at the mention of her name. The moment she saw his face was the moment she was sure time froze, and her world came crumbling down to million pieces, healed wounds riping right open and that unbearable pain that had overwhelmed her four years ago riled up within her. Tears filled her eyes as she stared into the eyes the last person she wanted back in her life, the one she'd already crossed off, hoping he'd never return. She stared into the eyes of the father of her son, the reason she'd made numerous dangerous decisions that almost cost her Neil's life.

Stanley.