From the living room, Erin could smell David's grandmother's chicken pot pie baking in the oven. She tried to get comfortable on the sofa with Mudgie curled up behind her legs. She hated fighting with Dave.
She listened to her love's heavy footfalls on her pine floors and looked up. He was holding two bowls of food in his hand.
"Hey," he said, sitting down across from her. He handed her a bowl and dug into his own.
"Hey." She took the bowl and spoon and sat them on the table. "I'm sorry about earlier."
"Me too." He said. "All that matters is that you're home."
She looked up to meet his eyes, "do…" she hesitated...she didn't want to hear the answer to the question. "Do you believe me?"
He nodded, "The BAU has been wrong before."
"Right." She shook her head, doubtful. If she was wrong and there wasn't a second unsub, then she was crazy. If she was right, she needed to figure out who it was. A feat that would be impossible, alone.
Silence fell between them and Dave sat his empty bowl on the table.
"I wish you would eat." He said, pushing her bowl towards her.
She picked up the spoon, disinterested. "I saved some of the kid's baby clothes. Let's go through the boxes in the garage-"
"I'll bring them in," he said, standing up. He glared at her untouched food and pointed to the bowl. "You work on that."
"They're all marked." She said, trying to change the subject.
"Huh?" He responded, raising an eyebrow.
"The boxes," she explained. "They're all marked."
"I expected nothing less."
She waited until she heard the front door close, before she picked up the bowl and took a bite. She wanted to eat it and love it, but it didn't taste right and she didn't want David to worry. The last thing she needed was a lecture about food. "Mudgie down."
The dog hopped off the couch and Erin sat the bowl in front of him. He licked the surface clean and Erin took it to the sink and washed it."Good boy." She praised and patted his head. "Don't get used to that." She said sternly, "and don't tell your daddy."
Dave kicked the door, he had a plastic bin in his hands.
Erin held the door open and laughed at him,"Why didn't you leave the door open?"
"I didn't want to let the bugs in." he explained, putting the box on the living room floor.
Okay," she said, rolling her eyes. She sat back down on the sofa and opened the box. Dust covered every inch of the plastic surface. "I can't believe I kept all of this."
Dave shrugged, "It's probably a good thing."
"Well, I hope there's something useful in here," she said, laying the lid aside. Inside they found a six month supply of baby clothes. The smell of dust and mildew drifted in the air as she pulled out various onesies and pants.
Erin wrinkled her nose and her stomach turned. "They stink! We're not putting our baby in these."
Dave picked up a blue onesie and held it to his face," he recoiled immediately and held it at arm's length. "Let's wash them and see what happens."
She nodded, "I don't see any mold or mildew. Maybe they've been packed away too long."
He picked up the whole box and carried it into the laundry room.
She heard him slam the dryer closed and start it. She forgot to dry the clothes from his go-bag. She heard water running in the washing machine and the lid close. He really was too good for her, Peter hated doing laundry and cooking. Dave handled both without being asked. She patted her abdomen, her baby lucked out in the daddy department. She knew David would move Heaven and Earth for their child, even if she couldn't.
"Well, that's settled," he said, closing the door to the laundry room. "We're buying a whole new wardrobe, for the little man."
Her eyebrows shot up into her hairline, "What did you find?"
Dave wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Mouse poop in the bottom of the box."
"There weren't any holes in the box-"
"That's what I said." He went to the kitchen and ran hot water in the sink. "While I love the idea of a family heirloom, storing them is a pain in the neck." He said, scrubbing his hands with soap.
"I'll get my computer, we can order stuff."
He nodded, drying his hands on a paper towel. "Sounds like a plan."
As she stood up to get her laptop out of the drawer across the room, a sharp pain cut across her lower abdomen. She squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for the pain to pass. "Dave!" She called, in alarm, "something's wrong." She said, sitting back down on the sofa.
He hurried back in the living room, "What is it?"
"My stomach-" she explained through gritted teeth. "Ooh...something's not right…"
"What-uh..ok.." his mind scrambled for a response. "You've been cleaning all day. maybe...you need to take it easy."
"That's not it," Erin said, as the pain lessened. "That was a contraction." She said, rubbing her rock hard abdomen.
"Are you sure?" He asked, wide-eyed.
She nodded, "I've done this three times. I know what a contraction feels like."
"Are you sure? This is…" he swallowed. "Erin, this isn't good."
Dave jumped into action, he grabbed his keys off the kitchen counter and their cell phones. "We're going to the emergency room."
"Maybe I'm overreacting, let's just wait and see if it happens again-"
"Not a chance!" Dave argued.
"It's probably fine, probably just growing pains, the doctor will take one look at me and send me home."
"I don't care if they look at us like we both grew a third eye and parked a spaceship in the hospital's parking lot. We're going."
Erin rolled her eyes and deadpanned, "Sir, yes sir."
They walked outside towards Dave's car, together.
"It's too soon for this," Erin bit out as she climbed into the Cadillac and another contraction ripped through her abdomen. She squeezed her eyes closed and leaned back in the seat.
"It'll be okay," Dave said, starting the engine. He peeled out of the driveway, the smell of burning rubber hung in the air.
"I'll wait here," Erin said, leaning back in the seat, trying to catch her breath. She wanted to be wrong. She wanted to be one of those moms who overreacted. She couldn't consider another possibility, there were no other options, but for her baby to continue growing. Dave rapped on the window, startling her. "Are you going to come out of there?" He asked, holding a wheelchair, with a nurse by his side.
Erin grabbed the door handle and got out. She saw Dave hand the keys over to the valet as she sat down in the wheelchair. "Don't scratch the car," Erin joked "That's his baby."
Dave shook his head, "You can make bad jokes from the room," he said, taking control of the wheelchair.
"How far along are you?" The nurse asked as Erin climbed into the hospital bed.
"I was told he was due in October."
"We'll do an ultrasound and see what's going on," the nurse said. "But you're definitely having contractions." She said, gesturing to the print out on the monitor.
"What if-" she said, the worst case scenario ran through her mind, for the millionth time.
"It doesn't matter, don't ask-" Dave said, he didn't believe in karma but he didn't want to put anything negative into the universe.
"It's too soon!" She said, despite him.
"If that's the case, we can give you medicine to stop the labor and we are a level 4 NICU if it comes to that." The nurse said, patting Erin's shoulder. "I'm going to get the doctor and we'll start that ultrasound."
When the door closed, Erin reached for Dave. "I'm so sorry," she said, choking back her own tears. "He can't take this from us," Erin said. Even as she said it, she knew it was a possibility. A sharp rap on the door caught her attention and the door swung open.
"How are your contractions?" The doctor asked as she set up the equipment. There was a hint of a southern drawl in her voice that Erin trusted immediately.
"I think they've tapered off," Erin answered, relieved.
"Good," the doctor responded. "I'm Dr. Jones, I'm the OB on call today." She said, assessing the monitors, they had indeed tapered off.
Erin nodded in response, if she was being honest she didn't give a shit about the doctor's name. The only thing that mattered was her baby.
"Are you going to save my baby?" She finally asked lifting her sweatshirt.
The doctor put the transducer gel on her abdomen and started the ultrasound. Silence filled the room as the doctor recorded her measurements. "When did you say you were due?" She asked, without taking her eyes off the screen.
"Late september, early October."
The doctor shook her head. "That's not right," she said and continued with the exam.
"What do you mean?" Erin's brow knitted in confusion. "What's going on?"
"Your baby measures 29 weeks, with an anterior placenta…."
"Erin-" Dave said. Maybe she was just imagining the pain in his voice. "Do you want to explain this to me now, or later?"
"There's no way," she gasped, shaking her head in denial. "I would have known if he was that far along- I would have felt him moving if he was that big. I would have known."
"Where did you get treated?" Dr. Jones asked, "who diagnosed you?"
"I couldn't find my insurance card and went to that clinic around the corner from my office."
"You didn't see your regular doctor?" Dr. Jones pressed.
Erin shook her head and said, "She retired last year and closed her practice. I hadn't gotten around to finding someone else…"
"So went to the free clinic?" Dave interjected, his whole body vibrated, with suppressed emotions. Erin had plenty of money, she didn't need the free clinic...women who wanted their pregnancy, didn't go to that clinic.
"I paid cash for a blood test. They did a scan and set the due date for October."
Dave sat in the seat across from Erin's bed, but he might as well have been on another planet. He rubbed his jaw, confused and frustrated. "How did this happen?"
"Have you ever heard of a 'change of life baby?" The doctor asked.
Dave nodded, "I always thought that happened when there was a problem with the marriage." He said through clenched teeth. What the hell had Erin done and why didn't she include him?
"Not true-" The doctor cut in. "It happens when the symptoms of pregnancy overlap with the symptoms of perimenopause. Currently, the placenta is attached toward the front of the uterus, blocking your baby's movements. That's why it wasn't obvious that he was moving."
Erin nodded, like she understood, but inside she was completely lost. She was supposed to know...this was her fourth pregnancy, she would have known.
The doctor pulled on a pair of neoprene gloves, "Let's do an exam and see what's going on. After that, I'll leave you to talk it out."
Erin nodded in consent and put her legs in the stirrups. The doctor sat down on the stool and started the exam.
Erin closed her eyes and tried to put herself anywhere but the emergency room. She would have given anything for a hole to open up in the floor and swallow her whole. Dave's words echoed in her head like a curse. He didn't understand that she would never hurt him, but she couldn't rely on him. Not completely, especially not when things between them were less than solid. After all, he only spent weekends at her house. The occasional family dinner with the kids, wasn't a commitment.
"All done." Dr. Jones said and helped Erin out of the stirrups and back on the bed. "You're experiencing Braxton Hicks contractions. I want you to stay overnight for observation. You're probably dehydrated and overstressed-"
"But the baby's okay?" Erin cut in.
The doctor nodded. "Absolutely." She said and walked out the door.
"Wait!" Dave raced out the door, leaving Erin alone in the room. He needed answers and someone to blame. Whether that was Erin or Dr. Garrett in New York, he needed to know.
The doctor turned on her heel to face him. "Yes?"
"Why didn't the doctor in New York see how far along she is? He did an ultrasound-"
The doctor nodded and Dave couldn't see through her professional poker face.
"I was going over her chart and as I understand it, she was rushed to the emergency room after she was poisoned?"
Dave nodded, "Yes, Saint Sebastian's hospital."
"Listen," Dr. Jones said gently, "my husband is a locum there. That hospital hasn't had new equipment in several years. The most their machines can do is tell us if the baby is healthy. Especially in the emergency room, if they need anything more detailed, they have to borrow a machine or outsource the patient."
"Okay," he said on an exhale. "Is it possible that she really didn't know?"
"I believe so," she reached out and lightly touched his elbow. "Those clinics are notoriously underfunded too. I think you had a string of bad luck and unreliable ultrasound machines. A trifecta of circumstances that kept her from getting reliable information.
"Okay." He said softly. "I can handle that. "One more thing," he said, before the doctor could walk away.
"Sure."
"She didn't show. Now she's out to here!" Dave said, holding his hand to demonstrate a space between his hand and abdomen. A panicked edge to his voice.
"Also normal. When a pregnancy shows, depends on where the placenta attaches and how the baby is positioned. If you're looking for something that can't be explained, you won't find it."
"Thanks." Dave said, his spirits lifted slightly. Maybe Erin had been telling the truth. He turned around and walked back to her room.
"Can we talk?" She asked as he closed the door behind him.
He pulled up the chair beside the bed. "Yeah, we can talk. I'll start. Did you keep him from me?"
"No."
"I don't think I believe that."
"David, I promise, I didn't plan this."
"Then why did you wait to tell me?"
"I was going to tell you when we got to New York. I found out a week before you." She said, "I felt sick and took a pregnancy test at home and it was negative."
"And when you went to the clinic?" He asked, staring at her. "Why didn't you call me then?"
"You were on a case-"
"So what?" He snapped, quirking his brow.
"I didn't want you distracted-"She said, reaching for him. "That was the worst part. I know I should have said something...I didn't want to hurt you, I wanted you to know after I knew he was healthy." She tried to explain.
"When did you plan on telling me? When you were in labor?" The words came out harsher than he intended.
"No!"
"Then when?"
"After what happened with J- I thought I needed to wait-"
"I could handle it!" He exploded, his voice reverberated on the walls of the hospital room. First he lost James and Carolyn. Now, he could have lost Erin and the baby, too. A baby he hadn't known about, but loved with his whole heart. It was too much.
She glared at him, one eyebrow arched in superiority. "Can you? You could have fooled me."
He stood up from the chair, his fist clenched at his side. "I need a minute." He bit out and opened the door, slamming it behind him.
Erin swallowed passed the knot in her throat, she had to be strong and stand her ground, come what may. She didn't survive The Replicator's poison, to let David Rossi take away her dignity. All she was trying to do was protect him.
From the hallway, Dave dialed Hotch's number. His mind had taken him to the absolute worst case scenario, short of someone dying.
Dave held the phone to his ear and the line clicked. "Did you sleep with Erin?" He growled, before Hotch could say 'hello.'
"No." Hotch said evenly.
"You sure?" Dave snapped.
"Uh..Dave, I think I would know." Dave could tell Hotch was trying not to laugh.
"Now's not the time for you to develop a sense of humor. What about Morgan?"
"He's a little busy with Garcia-" Hotch answered.
"I don't think I needed to know that-"
"Do you plan to ask about Reid?" Hotch asked curiously.
Dave shook his head. "The kid's not her type-"
"I'm not sure how to take that," Hotch admitted, "if you think I'm her type."
"Well," Dave cleared his throat, self consciously. "You do spend a lot of time together."
There was a brief pause, neither man could come up with anything to say.
"Dave?"
"Yeah?"
"How stupid do you feel?"
"Pretty stupid," he admitted.
"We both know she wouldn't do that to you-"
"I know. I just...she kept the baby from me"
"She had a good reason."
"Did you know? Did she tell you before me?" Dave jumped down Hotch's throat.
"I knew she wanted to make your trip to New York, special, but I didn't know why. Whatever you broke, go fix it." Hotch said and ended the call. Leaving Dave holding his phone to his face.
"Yes, Sir." He grumbled, putting the phone back in his pocket. How the hell was he going to do that?
Erin knew Dave was going to leave her, he had no reason to stay. She handed him his way out on a silver platter, but he wouldn't take it. Instead, he waited for her lowest moment. When she was afraid for their baby and in shock that her pregnancy was halfway over, to take control over their relationship and walk out. He didn't leave when she asked him to, not because he wanted to stay. He waited because he didn't want to be the one who got left.
Her phone rang from the bedside table. Part of her hoped it was Dave, the other part of her knew that it wasn't. He wouldn't be calling. She picked up her phone and checked the screen. Blake.
With a sigh, she put the phone down. Blake was the last person she wanted to talk to. On the other hand...Blake knew her as well as Dave did and she could use an ally.
She picked up the phone and called her back. When Blake answered on the first ring, Erin told her everything.
While Erin was busy spilling her guts, Dave was trying to decide how to make things right with her. She had tried to leave him, but he didn't let her. He loved her and he didn't want to see his life without her in it, in some way. Two days ago, he sat by her bedside, begging whatever deity would listen, to keep her with him. Now, he was so frustrated that he didn't know where they were headed.
"What are you going to do?" Alex asked gently, after Erin finally stopped talking.
"The ball is in his court now," Erin answered, running her hand lovingly over her abdomen.
"Do you think he wants the baby?"
"I know he does. The baby isn't the problem, I'm the one he doesn't trust."
Dave kept walking: down the hall, in the waiting rooms, he paced the gift shop three times. He carried an armload of flowers, candy and other loot from the gift shop but he didn't know what to do with them. He felt like the rug had been yanked out from underneath him and he was struggling to keep his footing.
Before The Replicator's attack, he knew he had feelings for Erin but it seemed like they were just having fun. He wanted her in his life; but now, there was more at stake than ever. He couldn't just have fun with her and send her home. Who was he kidding? They were more committed than he realized. He had dinner with her children every Friday, before Peter picked them up. He and Erin hadn't had a one night stand in 10 months. They swapped keys and he turned her guest room into a man cave. They were as solid as they could be. The bitch of it was, he didn't know what he wanted with her. He loved her, in some way. After she woke up, he thought he would marry her, but in the cold light of day, maybe he didn't want that at all. He didn't want to go into an engagement for the wrong reasons.
Either way, he couldn't spend all night pacing the hospital halls. He either had to buck-up and talk to Erin, or go home without her. In his heart, he knew the right thing to do, but he really didn't want to do it.
He stopped in front of Erin's closed door. What the hell was he going to say? He didn't yell at her, but he had made it obvious that he didn't trust her. He knocked lightly on the door and waited a beat. When she didn't respond, he pushed the door open. "I uh..I brought you some stuff." He said, sitting the flowers and gifts on the bedside table.
"Save it," Erin bit out, staring at the TV. The volume was down low so he knew she wasn't paying attention to the show.
"They had some nice socks in the gift shop, I thought you might-"
She cut him off without a glance in his direction. "No."
"Erin, please just listen to me." He hated to beg, especially for something he wasn't sure he wanted, but if he didn't try now he would lose any chance he had at making that decision.
She still refused to look at him, "Shh! Anderson Cooper is on and I can't figure out the volume on this remote!"
He walked over to the TV, mounted on the wall and reached up, to hit the volume button on the side of the TV. "Better?" He asked, standing in front of her.
She turned her head to the side, to face the window. "You don't have to be here. Alex agreed to drive me home tomorrow. You're off the hook, and don't stand there when you know I'm avoiding you."
"Oops." He moved to the side, out of her eye-line. "What if I don't want to be off the hook?"
"I don't think you know what you want." She answered, "because I don't."
What a relief, he wasn't rowing in the boat of confusion, alone.
"I drove you here," he said evenly. "Let me drive you back. The last time you rode with Blake-"
"Fine." She snapped, crossing her arms. "Only because my stuff is in your car."
"That's a good start." He said, lowering himself in the recliner next to the bed. "I'll just hang out here till then."
"You really don't have to. You don't trust me and I sit with people all day long who say they don't trust me. The difference is, I'm paid for it."
"Sweetheart, we both know I can't afford you." He said, leaning back in the chair, his eyes closed.
"Damn right you can't," she said. "I don't know what you want to do from here on out, but I've decided I'm not spending the rest of this pregnancy fighting with you. You're either in, or you're out. If you don't trust me, I want you to leave and not come back."
His eyes snapped open and he sat ramrod straight. "You just said I could drive you home."
She sounded like she was negotiating a business deal. "I know what I said," she said crisply. "I don't want to spend any more time with you if you don't trust me."
He nodded. "I guess I understand that."
"I overheard your conversation with Aaron." Emotion leaked into her voice, "If that's what you thought-"
"I didn't." He said quickly. "Not really. You wouldn't risk the team like that-"
"I wouldn't risk hurting you, like that." She snarled, this time, she glared at him. Her eyes were red from crying. Dave felt like an ass. He wanted a hole to open in the floor so he could swan dive into it.
"I know that." He said quickly. "It's not you." He sighed heavily, his shoulders drooped under the weight of his confession. "I only called Aaron because that's some underhanded shit I would have done 20 years ago."
"So, you're telling me you're afraid of yourself?"
He let out a breath, "I know what I did, when things got hard in my first marriage. I know the things I regret. I'm sorry I put that on you."
"And you thought Karma came back to bite you," Erin surmised. "I hate to break it to you, Rossi. I'm not that powerful. She'll get you, but not through me."
"When did you get that?" He asked, pointing to the IV line in her hand.
"Not long after you left." She replied glibly. "It's just fluids." She stroked her baby bump, in an effort to get used to the idea that her pregnancy was more than halfway over. Their baby needed one parent who wanted him, even if she wasn't ready for him.
"About that...I shouldn't have stormed off like that, I'm sorry for the way I spoke to you."
"Apology accepted." She said quietly. "I'm tired of fighting, arguing. David, I don't want to do it anymore." She crossed her arms over her chest, "if that's where this is going, I don't want any part of it."
He got up from the chair and went to her.
He cut her off, "Erin,I love you-" he said, before he could stop himself.
She looked at him, confused, "are you sure? I don't think I believe that ."
He nodded, his heart was full. He hated fighting with her and wanted things to go back to normal. "I knew...a while ago I just...didn't know how to say it."
"I wish I believed that…" She whispered. "I think you want to, because of the baby."
"Erin-"
She held up her hand, "you were right. We have had a great year, because we've been having fun, let's be honest, David, that's all we've been."
"What if I wanted something else?"
He waited with bated breath, he didn't know how or if they were going to work. He wanted to give them a chance.
"I'd be open to try," She whispered.
"In that case, I'm saying, I would like for us to give it a serious go, not just for the baby, either. Erin, you are an important part of my life. This may not be the most romantic way to tell you this, but I hope you'll forgive me for not having the perfect words, as I am still reeling a little bit from all the changes that have happened in the last few days. All I know is that I don't want my life to go back to where it was before you came back into it again."
The words were what Erin Strauss had dreamed of hearing from David Rossi for quite some time but could she trust them? Did she really have the right to not try, especially now that they shared a child together? Could she live with herself, knowing she had denied her unborn child the chance to have a loving, caring, dedicated father in his life?"
He was saying everything she wanted to hear, so why was she so hesitant?
While Strauss was debating her choices internally, Rossi was pouring out his heart, in his bid to win her over. He cleared the nervous lump in his throat and continued, now that he had her rapt attention. "Erin, I can't promise, I am not going to screw this up. I have three divorces under my belt, that can attest to that. Yet, I know that I am in this relationship, for the long haul, if you will have me. I want us to have it all. You, me, your kids and our baby. I want us to grow old together, embarrassing our children and grandchildren with our public displays of affection. I want to be with you and I won't accept less than everything."
Silence settled around them and Dave held his breath.
He said everything she had ever wanted to hear from a man, but she didn't believe him. A few hours ago, she was sure he had one foot out the door and she loved him enough to not let it hit him on the way out. Nobody changed their minds so quickly, but how could she tell her child that she chased his father away? For what, because she was scared, because she didn't trust herself? David was a good man and she loved him...he was willing to try...why not give him a chance to fall in love with her for real?
"Talk the doctor into letting me go home and you can sleep over." Erin offered, ever the politician.
"As much fun as that sounds, I don't think your doctor is going to sign off on that plan of action."
"You could-" Erin stopped speaking when a sharp knock at the door interrupted her. A nurse breezed in and said, "Doctor Jones is coming to talk to you, but we need the bed and I'm sure she's going to send you home once your IV is finished."
Erin raised her brow at David, "I should have told you to wait and see."
The nurse went around to the IV pole and checked the line. "You're almost done. I'll come back in a few minutes to unhook you." She said and walked out of the room. The door swung open again and Doctor Jones brushed shoulders with the nurse as she walked in. "How are you feeling?" She asked, checking the IV and fetal monitor.
"Better," Erin said. "I'm ready to go home."
"You haven't had a contraction in the last hour."
"I think the fluids helped," Erin said. "I want to go home and sleep in my own bed."
The doctor looked from Erin to Rossi and back again, "I don't like the idea of you being by yourself…"
Dave jumped in before Erin could protest."I'm taking care of her-of both of them."
"The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for."
George Washington Burnap