Chapter 33.

"How much firewood do we need?" said Jack, apparently losing enthusiasm.

"About five times what you think we're gonna need." said Dean, "Fire is greedy. It guzzles fuel." He smiled at the boy, weighed down with logs. "You start carrying what we have back to the others. I'll go on looking."

"Will you show me how to light a fire by rubbing two sticks together?"

"Not unless one of those sticks is a match. It'll be fully dark soon and I like to be warm. I thought we'd use a lighter."

Jack smiled. "Probably a good idea."

"Only kind I have." said Dean.

"You've done a lot of this, haven't you?"

"Over the years, yes."

"With your dad."

"Yes."

"When you were kids."

"That's right. And also when we were old enough not to find it exciting." He saw the wistful look in Jack's eyes. It was rare for him to be the one with the better childhood, but in this little gathering, he and Sam were fortunate in that respect. "I know you missed out, kid ... " he said.

"Necessary. A baby would have been an easy target for our enemies. I don't regret my decision. It's just that sometimes, I wish I could have been a child."

"I can relate." said Dean.

"By human standards, we're a strange family." said Jack.

"I never had a normal one to compare it to. Bobby ... our Bobby, was always more like a dad than our actual dad was, though I loved Dad all the same. We all had a serious lack of moms in our lives."

"Yes."

"But now our Mom is back and I'm fine with sharing her. Sarah too. Now there's a mom-like energy for you. Nothing about this is perfect, but it mostly works, right, kid?"

"Right." said Jack.

"If we overlook the current craziness."

"It still works." said Jack, "It's still better than anything else I could have." He meant it, every word. Hours before, he had threatened to drive over the kid and still Jack loved him.

"When Michael is dealt with, I promise, we'll do some of the dumb kid stuff you missed out on. You wanna go to Disneyland? How about Universal? They got some cool things there."

"Sounds good." said Jack, "Can we go to a rodeo?"

"Hell, yeah! Whatever you want."

Jack was about to speak but coughed three times instead.

"You okay, kid?" said Dean.

"Yeah, fine." said Jack, "I think it's the cold air."

"We need to get you near a warm fire. You go back to the others. I'll bring the wood."

"I can carry the wood." said Jack.

Dean gave him the flask from his pocket. "Cough medicine." he said.

Jack drank a little and almost choked. His eyes were a little brighter and for once, there was a hint of colour in his cheeks.

"Good stuff, huh?" said Dean.

"It burns the throat a little." said Jack.

"That's how you know it's working. How do you feel?"

"Good." said Jack.

Dean smiled. "Always trust Dr Dean."

"Always do." said Jack.

Dean looked at him, his paranoia making him search for signs of insincerity or sarcasm, but he found none. "I don't deserve you, Jack." he said.

"Well, you're stuck with me now." said Jack.

"So, Cas's opinion of me hasn't changed yours?"

"Castiel just worries about me. He always has."

"He's a surprisingly good father."

"Yes, but not my only one."

"I know. Sam's great too."

"You promised me Disneyland."

"Well, I'm the fun parent, not the good one." said Dean, "Everyone needs one fun parent."

"Who was yours?"

"Bobby."

"Bobby? I know your Bobby wasn't quite the same as our Bobby, but still ... "

"He played it gruff and grumpy, but he was the best. Most of my fun childhood memories involve him. We had some great times. He made great campfires too. Used to stir up the logs so the sparks flew. When I was old enough not to catch my clothes on fire, he let me do it too." Dean looked off into the trees, as if Bobby were about to come out of the woods to make them laugh again with his scurrilous tales. He missed him terribly.

Jack started to gather as much wood as he could in his arms.

"Don't carry too much at once." said Dean.

"Fewer trips." said Jack.

"You have nothing to prove."

"Maybe I want to impress Cas and Sam."

"Then be a good person. That's what they care about." said Dean.

"That's what I try to do." said Jack.

"And you do it, all the time." said Dean. He made himself look for signs of Lucifer in the child or of his nephilim nature, but out in the woods, trying to carry enough logs and branches to prove himself a man, he looked wholly Winchester. "We're all proud of you." he said.

Jack smiled and walked off with the first load of wood. "Bobby would have loved you." whispered Dean after him as he disappeared between the trees. "Hell, we all love you."

He knew the anger was still lurking somewhere, ready to burst free and attack anyone in range with a whisper of wings, broken or not, but for now, there was an oddly peaceful feeling. He had been alone with the half-angel kid and no harm had come of it. Maybe, now, Cas would trust him a little more. Maybe he could begin to have some faith in himself.

There was one thing he had to acknowledge and it was a big thing. He was a wreck and he knew it. He'd told Sam honestly that he didn't trust himself and that was reason enough for Sam not to trust him, but Sam did. Sam had handed over the hatchet without a word of warning and without demanding any surety or promise. Sam had not insisted on accompanying them and had overruled Castiel's justified concerns.

He had no confidence at all in himself, but Sam still believed in him. Sam, who knew him as well as he knew himself, perhaps better, believed he could control this ... believed he could be trusted not to harm Jack. It was not a question on which Sam would have taken a risk. Sam had known, with everything he had, that he could trust Dean. That was something. That was very nearly everything.