A/N: Okay, so a couple of things, one: sorry this took so damn long. I've had it sitting almost complete forever. Two: I had a really hard time with the last half of this chapter so if you get confused I am really sorry, Robin has a melt down and it's a little different then how I normally write them. Three: The jumps between pov are a little rough and I am sorry I couldn't smooth it out more but I really needed to get this guy posted. Finally, the explanation in this about Erik's backstory is rough, I tried multiple times to make it easier to understand and have decided I am most likely going to have to back back to the older chapters and change a few things when this story is complete, it's just too convoluted. But I've already renovated this thing like six times so I am just going to move forward and complete it before I go back and do more rewrites, this story is kicking my ass. I hope you enjoy it and I apologize again for the wait. R&R! Only light editing in the second half.
Warnings: Minor scene of non-con, not sex and it's like a brief memory not a fully written scene. Mentions of torture, brainwashing, mentions of mental illness, blood and gore. Sexual scenes between two males and Slade being Slade.
Chapter Fourteen
What Would You Do For Me
One week had passed since Will had returned, one full week of intensive rehab, training, sparring and Slade pushing Robin as hard as he could. It was to Slade's greatest satisfaction that no matter how hard he pressed Robin continued to comply.
Will remained at the base, though he continued to be a silent observer during Robin's training and rehab, only speaking when the three ate or when he shared a pot of tea with Robin.
Slade had made the decision to put off another round of acupressure for the time being as he wanted to focus more on the physical side of Robin's recovery. He wanted to establish a more firm control on his end, so that when he pressed Robin towards the sauna the young man would be less likely to resist.
Now that Will was in the base, Slade did not want to risk Robin falling into a fit and losing control as while Will was more than capable of defending himself, a half crazed Robin might pose a larger challenge than Will expected. The man was nearing seventy years old after all and Slade did not want to take any chances.
The sparring was going well, Robin no longer showing any signs of reluctance in regards to facing the bots and rising to the challenge repeatedly as the days passed. It seemed that Slade barking orders and commands instilled in the young hero a certain air of confidence and comfort. Something neither Slade nor Will missed when they watched him. Slade continued to add one or two more bots to each sparring session, and Robin continued to dominate.
As the end of the week rolled around Slade prepared for the ultimate test. Robin would face him as planned, and if he did well, the young man would then face his biggest challenge yet.
Slade had been working on it all week, every night after Robin went to bed, Slade would slip away and work on his little surprise, growing more focused on the project as the days wore on. Not to say he didn't focus on Robin, he'd be a fool to stray too far from his little bird. Knowing that keeping Robin satisfied and close was key in order to ensure the young man stayed with him, at night when the day was done Slade would focus on nothing but Robin.
The young man would scream his name, beg for more, cuddle so close to him, whisper his adoration and fall asleep with rose tinted cheeks and glossy eyes. Slade would leave, working on his special project, only to return to wake Robin up by pressing into him and kissing him awake.
Slowly but surely, the hesitation in Robin's voice vanished, the promises to stay began to sound truly genuine and Slade continued to use affection, sex and gentility to sway Robin into staying. However, Slade himself was ever so slowly dropping his own guard, letting the haze of long forgotten emotions fill his mind in those evening and morning rolls in his bed, allowing himself to slip a little deeper, whispering to Robin and nudging the young man deeper with him. Promising him loyalty, safety, companionship and more if Robin stayed.
Robin would keen into his mouth, swearing to stay, to return once his affairs were sorted and never look back. It was a very dangerous dance, both promising things that neither of them could assure, though Slade grew more determined and resigned each day to commit to chasing Robin down should he not follow through.
Honestly, he'd not felt this possessive of another soul since he'd married Adie, but there was a very adamant desire within to finally allow himself to bond with someone again. He'd never admit to it, out loud or to himself, but his heart was starting to beat again and it felt better than he had ever remembered.
Will said little else in regards to his opinion of Slade's relations with Robin, keeping true to his word that he would not speak on it again, but the old man could see what was happening, and his mind feared what fall out might come, what pains would befall his friend and how quickly it could all turn so toxic if Robin chose to leave and Slade refused to let him go.
Slade could tell often that Will wanted to speak his mind, but the man chose not to engage in such discussions, his cold gray eye focused on pushing Robin forward, because the sooner this was over, the sooner Robin's whole world would revolve around no one but him.
"Get up, Robin! ATTACK!" Slade yelled as Robin rolled across the floor, the young man's arms shaking as he pressed up from the floor and shot forward. He attacked the remaining two bots, a pile of eight or so defeated ones laying close by.
Robin moved swiftly, eyes narrow as he let out a scream and charged, subduing the first one in record time, before turning and shoving his fist through the chest plate and gripping onto the main processing unit before he ripped it out and tossed it aside.
The final bot dropped, bringing the total destroyed bots to ten, and as the final bot came to lay smoking on the floor Robin swayed a little, breathing heavy before he too dropped to the mat. His bright blue eyes looked haggard and his body trembled as he continued to wheeze out breaths and his face was red from exertion.
Slade crossed the boundary line, coming to stand over him and look down, hands behind his back, "Stand up." Slade said softly and Robin winced, letting out a small whine as he once again forced himself to his feet. His whole body shook, his balance seemingly gone as he stumbled a little before he came to stand before Slade, shoulders sagging and head down as he continued to let out ragged breaths.
"Stand up, straight, Robin." Slade commanded, once again in a soft tone, watching with a glee filled eye as Robin complied. He let out a groan of protest as he forced his back straight, shoulders back and head high, looking at the man with a tear in his eye as the shaking intensified.
He's done, and has nothing left, still he stands for me. I think tonight is a good night to try acupressure. However, he will need to rest for a while. Still, seeing him so determined to please me is rather satisfying.
"Good-" Slade said, bringing a thumb and pointer finger to grip Robin's chin and raise his face a little higher, "You've done well. I am very pleased with the speed in which you've been able to progress. You may rest now." and as soon as Slade said it Robin dropped. Slade quickly scooped him up and turned, locking eyes with Will.
"Prepare the medical bay, I want a full read out of his organs, heart rate, blood flow, x-rays and weight. If he checks out, then he will be fully cleared from any further medical check-ups."
Will nodded once, turning to lead the way as Slade followed, carrying the exhausted Robin in his arms, his lone gray eye glancing at Robin's face as he walked. Leaning down he gave a kiss to Robin's brow and said softly, "You've done well, I am very proud of you. If all goes as planned, this will be your last visit to the medical bay."
"It better be, I-I'm sick of b-being prodded at." Robin groaned out softly and Slade chuckled, following Will into the med bay and moving to lay Robin on the table. They hooked him up and began the analysis, Slade taking blood, looking at the readouts and x-raying Robin's leg.
"Well?" Robin asked, his voice raspy as his head turned to look at the two men who were glancing over the charts and looking at the screen on the wall.
"It's good." Slade said as he looked up and smirked at Robin, "Thank. God." Robin said, his head rolling back so his eyes could look at the ceiling.
Robin closed his eyes and sighed out, "Any chance, as a reward for all my hard ass work, you'd let me go to bed right now?"
Slade chuckled and said softly, "Your training is done for the day, you may rest until this evening, where you will be joining me in the sauna for another round of acupressure."
His eye glanced up, looking onto Robin's face, Will's eyes scanned up as well as they waited. Robin's eyes opened slowly, staring at the ceiling for a moment before he let out a soft sigh and said, "Fine."
He sat up, removed the wires and slid off the table, limping past the pair slowly as he said, "I'm going to shower...then rest." He stopped next to Slade, not looking at him and waiting, "Very well." Slade said and then Robin was walking out of the med bay.
"Well, that was interesting." Will offered as his old eyes lingered on the doorway, "Robin has met every physical demand I have made of him. He's been pushing himself past his limits, working himself into exhaustion and not resisting any single command or instruction I've given him. However, in regards to his mental health-"
"He's reluctant." Will offered.
"He doesn't want to remember. And honestly, I don't blame him. But it's been proven time and again, until he gets his mental faculties under control and faces his demons, he won't ever get over what happened." and Slade set the diagnostic sheet aside, moving to the computer on the far side of the lab to log Robin's medical records and seal them for the last time.
"I don't know if anyone could get over such a thing as he has been through." Will said softly, looking to Slade's back.
"He can, at least, to a degree. I know he can, I am going to make sure of it." Slade offered under his breath.
Will waited a moment, weighing his thoughts before speaking and choosing his words carefully, "Slade, about the bot-"
"I know what you are going to say Will, but I think it is the best way to-"
"I understand that. But perhaps not so soon." Will offered, moving to stand next to Slade and watching the man meticulously organize Robin's medical files for storage.
"It has to be now. Robin wanted to get the scrolls nearly two weeks ago, but we put that on hold to go after Chang. Now, we've gotten a message from Robin's ex-extractor wanting to make a deal. Erik's closing in, and since I never responded to his offer I have a feeling there will be a price to pay. Robin is finally able to hold his own in a fight. Tomorrow he will fight me, and if it goes well, then he is going to face his demon."
"And tonight? He hardly seemed receptive to the idea of more acupressure. I'm not the boy's father but I think you are starting to push him too hard and too fast. He'll break, Slade." Will said matter-of-factly, "And all of this will have been for nothing."
Slade stopped typing, staring at the screen as he said softly, "Richard is strong, he will manage and if he can't I will be there to help him. I already know he is going to resist me when we go into the sauna, I can only hope the sparring this morning wore him out enough so that he will be able to process whatever he may recall."
"What are you looking for in Robin's subconscious. I know you are, there is more to this than just rehab for his mind." Will countered and Slade grunted in annoyance, "I know there is still a piece missing. Something happened between Erik and Robin, something that caused Erik to latch onto him far too tightly. Robin must know something, Erik must have shared something, said something that he doesn't want Robin or anyone else to know. Erik is the Triad's main extractor, but he also knows the Komainu group has Batman and Batgirl. I don't know if he is working for both, working for neither or is going to betray the Triad to the Komainu group. Whatever the case, he wants Robin back, and I know at some point the pair are going to meet again. Most likely on the battlefield, and I will not allow Robin to freeze up or panic. He needs to be prepared to face the man, be prepared to slay him. It's going to be messy, and Robin will most likely have a breakdown, but the only way out for him is up, he's got to rise above his trauma if he wants to finish this mission….if he has any hope of surviving it."
Will sighed, studying the man carefully before placing a hand on Slade's shoulder, "Slade-" and the man turned to look at him, his gray eye narrow and sharp and Will swallowed his words and instead said, "Just be gentle with him." Will offered, not sure what else he could say. He'd not believe it if he hadn't seen it first hand, but Robin responded better to a gentle hand and coaxing words. It was against Slade's very nature to be that way, but somehow he had managed though Will thought it important to remind the man and keep things in perspective.
Slade looked away before saying begrudgingly, "I...can be...when it's needed."
"Yes, you can, but normally, you don't mean it." Will countered with a small smirk before he turned and left the room, leaving Slade to finish his work and heading to the kitchen for some tea.
Page Break
Robin lay in Slade's bed and stared at the ceiling, his body sore and fatigue great. He needed to sleep, despite the fact it probably wasn't even past noon if he had to guess.
But his mind kept swirling with thoughts and images. The past week had been amazing and horrible all at the same time. Robin had finally gotten his mind under control thanks to Slade's ability to command and demand perfection.
When Robin had been Slade's apprentice he had fought tooth and nail against doing anything Slade asked of him or following even the most simple of commands, but ever since Slade had started to tell him what to do, to guide him through his sparring Robin's confidence had swelled and his ability to simply focus on the task at hand had improved immensely. All Robin had to do was wait for it, and the moment Slade spoke the instant Robin complied.
It was like Slade had become an extension of Robin's own mind, seeing the attacks coming and knowing when and how to get in. Robin could fight on his own now, he knew he could, but hearing Slade's voice above the sound of crunching bones and sparking robots created a calm within him that seemed to keep Robin's more unstable side at bay.
It was brutal work and the more bots Slade had Robin face the more draining it was, but Robin knew his endurance and stamina were finally returning to what they used to be. His core strength was solid, his balance and focus returning and honing in on the task at hand.
He finally felt like himself again, finally felt strong and grounded.
Now though, Robin wasn't so sure it would be enough. Slade wanted to interrupt their perfect week with another acupressure session. Robin wanted to argue, saying he was doing just fine without dredging up old memories but he knew Slade wouldn't let him out of it.
On top of that, Robin had made the decision when the sparring first started that he would do anything and everything Slade asked of him, no matter what it was in order to ensure Slade would not lose interest in him. And honestly, Slade had spent the last week focusing on nothing but Robin. Shivers erupted over the young man's flesh as he thought of how Slade had been the past week both during training and in the bedroom.
So much affection, so much tenderness. It didn't seem possible for Slade to be so…
Loving… and Robin sighed and turned onto his side. Thinking of their nights together, remember every morning. Slade stretching out their moments of intimacy into hours. Slowly making Robin melt, become putty in Slade's sliding and groping hands. Such tender kisses, such a hushed voice whispering in Robin's ear asking if Robin will stay.
And he wanted to, Robin wanted to stay, had every intention of staying. Once the mission was over, once he made sure his friends were alright and that everything had returned to normal, once Batman was back in Gotham Robin was going to come back to Slade.
He had made the decision that he wasn't going to tell Batman or the Titans where he was going, just that after everything that happened he couldn't be with them anymore. He would come visit and if they needed his help here or there down the road he would be willing to aid them.
But Robin wanted to step away from the mantle of hero for just a little bit. He desperately wanted to stop fighting and simply exist for a while. Eventually he would return to that world, but it would be on his own terms and as someone completely different. The Titans could find a new Robin if they so choose.
Richard was going to take a vacation, and when he came back, he would be someone else entirely. All these choices he was making while he prepared for the final assault didn't make him feel any better about going with Slade to the sauna and letting the man try to untangle his memories.
He didn't want to remember anymore and even though Robin had sworn to himself he would comply with whatever Slade wanted of him, part of him was utterly repulsed by the idea of another stint of accupressure.
Still, even if Robin fought it Slade would win, and Robin really didn't want to be on Slade's bad side. He didn't want the man to have to force him, or worse, beat him into submission.
Slade had not raised a hand to Robin since he had been brought here. That had changed the very first day, their dynamic shifting from master and apprentice to acquaintances and then to something else entirely. The idea of Slade abusing him as he had done so long ago upset Robin to such a degree he didn't even want to think about it.
I don't want us to ever go back to how it was...how we were….I don't want to fight him ever again...but I don't want to face the memories of what happened. I'm fine not remembering, I am fine with the walls my mind created in order to keep the memories from coming through. Why is it so important I remember? Why can't I leave it to collect dust in the recesses of my mind. How can I get out of this?
Robin's fatigue eventually won out and he snoozed on and off for several hours, his mind going silent long enough for him to rest.
It was a light sleep, however, so when the doors to the room opened and Slade walked in Robin slowly sat up and looked at him.
Their eyes met and Slade waited, his exposed face speaking volumes without saying a word. They were more intune now than they ever had been and Robin didn't have to guess what he was waiting for.
A sigh escaped him as he slid from the bed and stretched a little, his body still sore from the earlier sparring session, "Were you able to sleep at all?" Slade asked softly.
"A little." Robin replied just as quietly.
"Very well. Let's head to the sauna." Robin nodded but didn't move, his feet seemingly glued to the floor and he flinched just a little when Slade crossed to him and placed a hand on his lower back.
"Robin-" Slade warned gently and the young man cleared his throat, "R-Right...okay...let's...uhm..let's go." And his feet started to move as Slade's hand pressed him forward.
Each step felt like his feet were made of lead, his stomach twisting in knots of anxiety and dread. He kept walking and Slade's hand continued to rest on Robin's lower back, propelling him forward and Robin felt his breathing intensify.
"Calm down." Slade ordered, the command once again soft and gentle, the hand sliding up Robin's back to rest on his neck, a thumb gently caressing his bare skin and Robin settled a little.
They made it to the pool room without issue and Robin swore when the door slid shut he heard it lock. He jerked his head back to look at it before turning to Slade, "A precaution. Now that Will is on the base I need to make sure he is safe, in case you lose control. I have faith in you, but-"
"I know. I know what could happen, what I've done in the past...it's ..fine...it's...f-fine." Robin felt his body start to shake as they continued to walk towards the sauna, his mind stressing on what he might remember this time, on what horrors he will have to relive.
"Slade….Slade...wait...let's...let's just...hold on...I need a minute...just...let me calm down before-"
"You are only prolonging the inevitable." Slade countered, his voice remaining calm and even as his hand shifted from Robin's neck and came to cup the young man's face.
"Besides, this time will be different." Slade offered, "How? How could this possibly be different?" Robin asked as his voice wavered and his body continued to shake.
"Because this time, I have a mission for you. And it is very important."
Robin's body calmed momentarily, his eyes zoning in on Slade's face as he asked in confusion, "A mission? I don't understand."
"I have a theory, Robin. One I think you can prove if you are willing to try."
"What theory?"
"I think the reason Erik is so obsessed with retrieving you is because at some point during the six months he was your extractor, I think he told you something he shouldn't have. I think he told you information he meant to keep secret. Perhaps you overheard something you were not meant to. Whatever the case, when we begin the accupressure I want you to try and remember what Erik told you. If you can do that, it will give us all the answers we need. As well as an advantage over him."
Robin looked away, his hands fisting as he said with doubt, "I barely remember him. Just his voice...and those cruel eyes….the hammer he used….everything else is just bits and pieces spread out over six months of torture. Half the time I was passed out. Even with the accupressure, I don't know if I can really remember everything that happened with any certainty."
A hand came to his chin, raising his face up and Robin's eyes met Slade's, "You don't have to remember everything, and I'm not asking you to. All I want is for you to try and remember this one singular thing. Whatever it is, it is important to me. Consider it an order, in return for everything I've done for you. All I ask is that you try."
Robin couldn't say no to that and so he gave a reluctant nod before he turned and walked slowly towards the sauna, Slade's sharp eye watching him the whole time.
Page Break
It comes in flashes, as Slade moved his hands diligently along Robin's body, applying pressure to specific spots.
Robin remains more coherent this time, forcing himself to stay grounded, to not get lost in the memories, in his trauma, and he gets images, frozen moments that are much easier to handle. He growls and groans through it, his muscles tightening as his body reacts to the memories only to relax again when Slade's fingers press firmly into spots that are knotted up and hard.
While the images rise and fade in clarity and he tries to focus on seeing them a clear voice cuts through, Erik's light voice whispering into his ear.
I want the information, where are the scrolls! Don't you like our little game? I've come to see you again, it's our secret, tell me where the scrolls are and I can get you out of here tonight, we can go, together...just tell me.
Robin focuses on the words, pressing into moments where he and Eric were truly alone, when no one was watching and his stomach curls with nausea and dread.
He recalls a hand on his length, stroking him as a knife cuts at his neck and chest. Lips kissing him in all the wrong places and his skin burns in the most horrible way as Robin forces bile back down his throat and tries not to vomit.
More images, feelings and phantom pain come to his mind until finally he recalls something useful.
I don't think you realize what I am really offering. Our meeting here, the Triad capturing you and placing me as your Extractor. It was fate. We are meant for each other and I have the ability to help you transcend your life as a hero into something so much more-
More than a hero?
Oh yes, next to me you shall be seen as so much more than just what you are. A king, a ruler, a God! I've played my hand so close to my chest not even my uncle knows what I have in store for the world.
Your uncle?
You know him well, a Professor Chang. He's been helping me get everything ready. And when the time comes we will strike! I'll take it all, everything right out from under my father. And once I have the scrolls, Robin, not even the sky will be a limit. You can be a part of it all. I want you to be a part of it. After so many months of this game between us, I see so many possibilities. Awe, look at that face, so confused. Well, you won't be if you just tell me where the scrolls are. Then I can make my move, dethrone my father, and you...can become my perfect, loyal loving little soldier. Slaying my enemies by day, and keeping my bed warm at night. Wouldn't you like that?
You're fucking insane!
Mhm, so cute, and stubborn, I'm not worried, your view of me will change, it's nothing a little brainwashing and torture can't fix. A few more months and you'll be on board. You'll love me so much, you'll never want to leave.
Robin felt his body jerk, more memories flashing in quick succession in his mind of Erik trying to do anything he can to break him, wanting to push Robin so hard he can no longer think for himself, destroy him so thoroughly that Erik becomes the sun and Robin is just a planet orbiting around him, unable to deny the gravity that makes him spin around in an endless circle.
Slade became the sun, he took me when Erik was about to win...that's why I feel so dirty, why I feel so confused and unable to stand on my own like I used to...Erik...he won, after six months...he was trying to rebuild me as someone else, reprogram me to be a loyal soldier to his cause. But Slade took me just as I broke, I imprinted on Slade as my master...Erik's brainwashing worked, but Slade stepped in at the last second and I latched onto him instead of you. And while it bothers me to no end to think this way, I can't help but feel so god damned lucky, because while Slade has been breaking down your handy work and giving me back my freedom a day at a time, you would have continued to abuse me without end. Slade has no clue why I've been so obedient, he has no clue about the gas lighting and brain washing and the re-education Erik was trying to employ. But I do now...I remember… do I tell Slade the truth...or do I...keep it a secret. I'm already loyal to him, ready to die for him, ready to become everything he wants me to become...if he knew...would he use it against me or let me continue on the path he has laid to become my own person again? Does this mean my feelings for him...aren't real?
Robin suddenly jerked up, flipping from his stomach to his back and sitting as he gripped at his head, eyes clenching closed and teeth gritting.
He let out a growl as he tried to sort out what he was going to tell Slade and what he wasn't. He managed to open his eyes and look up, seeing Slade standing there with a curious expression on his face, "Well, you didn't run this time. That's a start." Slade mused.
"Erik is the head of the Komainu Group. He started it when he captured Batman in Paris. Now he has Batgirl too. He was going to bargain Batman to his father, who is the Grand Master of the Triad. He wants to set up the Triad in America, run it out of New York...L.A…..Metropolises...Gotham….Chang is...was...Erik's uncle. He wanted the scrolls for himself, so he could take the title of GrandMaster from his father. He wants it all...won't stop until he gets it. He's going to trade Batman for a position of power and leadership in the U.S. then use me or Batgirl to get the scrolls and take everything else."
"If that's the case why hasn't he made his move? He has Batman, and Batgirl who knows where the scrolls are. Why wait?"
Robin looked down, "I wasn't completely honest with you. Batgirl and I hid the scrolls, but we didn't hide them together. I know where one set is, she knows where the other set is. We wanted to make sure even if one of us got captured, they couldn't complete the set. So even if Erik has Batgirl and he gets her to talk, he still only has half of the set he needs to make the dark magic work."
"Good idea." Slade said with a smirk before tossing Robin a towel and speaking calmly, "So that was the missing piece I have been looking for. Excellent work retrieving it. I knew you could do it."
"Yeah." Robin said looking down, trying to digest how he felt about remembering so much more than he had meant to. Ignorance really was bliss because now Robin had a secret and he wasn't at all sure he wanted to tell Slade.
It would give him too much power over me, and he already has so much. Of the two I'd rather be a mindless soldier for Slade than for Erik, but is there really any proof that I'm acting this way because of Erik's attempted reprogramming or because I truly feel so connected and emotionally drawn to him, because we really are good together…
"Robin? Was there something else? Did you remember-"
"Nothing. Just...stray memories...ones I can't process as easily. Erik's true intentions came back to me because I was looking for them...because you told me to…"
Because he ordered me to. I complied without resistance. Do I actually have any power? Or has everything been because I was reprogrammed to simply function as an extension of someone else? The worst part is, if Slade orders me to tell him, I wouldn't hesitate.
A stray memory comes to Robin, words swirling in his head from just before the raid on Professor Chang, Why do I want you? It's so messed up. The worst part is...I'd give my permission...if you told me to.
Now that he thought about it more readily Robin realized it made no sense to think that way, to say something like that. Slade had said he would need Robin's permission to cross into any kind of intimate relationship. He had given Robin the choice to say yes or no. Robin's first thought on the matter was that he would only give his permission if Slade told him to.
Had he just been confused? Had he wanted Slade to make it easier for him to make the choice? Or...had he been unable to make the choice...because Erik's mind games had worked and Robin could no longer think for himself.
"You...you said I have trauma brain….that...it will take time...but that my brain will eventually go back to normal. It will rewire again to exist in a world without needing someone to guide me and tell me what I can and can't do….that I will return to my instincts of fight versus flight...that eventually...I won't need anyone's help and will be able to function on my own again, right?"
Slade stared at him for a long moment, his eye narrowing as a soft frown came to his face, "yes." Slade said with slight suspicion lacing his voice, "Why do you ask?"
"I….I...uh...just want to get better. And...I don't want to be so reliant on you...honestly we both know right now I'm a drain on your resources...and pretty much useless...I can't think for myself...I'm...damaged. I just want to know that if I keep pushing, I will get better."
Slade seemed to digest Robin's words a moment before he leaned down and cupped Robin's face, "You will get better. It's only a matter of time and you must be patient. As for you draining my resources, hardly. And anyway, you're worth it. Don't stop fighting for your life back, and don't ever think I regret saving you. I don't." And Slade pressed their sweaty lips together, the heat of the sauna leaving both soaked in perspiration.
When they parted Slade looked into Robin's eyes which looked sad and confused and Slade's eye narrowed dangerously, "Robin, what else did you remember? Tell me...now."
The instant the order left Slade's lips Robin's eyes grew wide and he pulled away from Slade's gentle hand, sliding off the table and moving towards the door, "I'm going to go cool off. What time is din-" a hand gripped the handle to the sauna's door tightly, Slade's body coming up behind Robin and the young man stood there staring through the glass as he bit his bottom lip.
"Robin, I've said it too many times to count, there are no secrets between us. We've gone too far for that. If you remembered something important to the mission-"
"It's not…." Robin said cutting Slade off, his voice soft and low, "It has nothing to do with the mission. It's something I remembered about me...something that happened to me while I was captured. But it won't affect the mission...and won't help us move forward. It's...personal."
Slade was silent a moment before he leaned in close, pressing lips to Robin's ear, "I know you wouldn't lie to me. But I don't like you keeping anything from me. Still, I suppose you are allowed privacy-" Slade's free hand came to rest on Robin's hip, fingers tightening a little as the pair stood in front of the door, a tension between them that was suddenly very new, "I'll give you time to sort it out, but you should consider telling me what it is that has you so flustered. It wouldn't do to have me worry. I can be rather...clingy….when I worry...especially if it's worry for my lover."
Robin swallowed, heard what the man was saying, understood what he meant, but also realized that Slade tended to work in extremes and absolutes. While a normal person who worried about their partner might simply stick closer, offer an ear to listen, try to comfort the person who was having problems, Slade was a bit different.
He's giving me a warning, letting me know I'll only have so much privacy or personal space if I remain his lover. He's controlling, overbearing, obsessive, and clingy, though clingy to a normal person has a completely different meaning for Slade. I know his flaws, I know how fixated he can become...how driven he can get to find answers. I'm just like him in that regard. If I don't tell him, he will keep pushing until I do. Really, there is no way around it, I have to tell him, but I need time to sort it out. He said he'd give me that much and I can choose how much I tell him and what I leave out. Take the offer of time and space to sort it all out, but agree to his subtle yet obvious demand.
"I'll tell you. But not right now. Give me time to think about it. I just want to...need to...just...give me some time. Maybe tomorrow."
Slade's hand tightened on his hip a little more before the man's lips sunk to Robin's shoulder and kissed it gently, "Tomorrow then. Go shower, I'll make dinner. Then I want to break down your memories...sort it all out completely."
"Yes, sir."
Page Break
"I don't actually remember the entire conversation. I just remember chunks. But what I can't actually recall in my mind I still remember. Does that make sense?" Robin asked as he drizzled a little dressing onto his salad.
Slade eyed him carefully before he said in a rather calm tone, "It does. You don't remember the entire conversation, you can't visualize the moment Erik told you everything. But you do remember everything that had been said, correct?"
Robin nodded as he looked between Will and Slade respectively, "Yeah. It's weird. Like when you can't actually remember a dream but you know it had to do with water. Or you know a friend of yours was in the dream but you can't recall what they were doing or how they looked even though you see your friend every day. It's...strange. I only actually saw and heard bits and pieces in my mind's eye but I remember the whole conversation."
"It sounds confusing." Will offered as he cut at his pork chop.
"It is." and Robin looked weakly down at his food which he wasn't hungry for, "Speak, Robin." Slade said encouragingly and Robin swallowed before he spoke in a very quiet manner, "Erik came to see me one night, after the normal day of interrogation was over. Must have been late, or really early. But he had been drinking and while I have no clue how long I had been with him at that point it must have been a few months at least because he started to talk as if we had known each other our whole lives."
"Explain." Slade said and Robin nodded slowly, "He came in drunk, started rambling about how much he hated being the main extractor for the Triad. He...he told me he had a plan to change that. He had started a group which was made up of dissatisfied Triad members."
"The Komainu Group." Will stated and Robin nodded as he took a reluctant bite of his dinner, "Yeah. He had come up with this plan that would essentially get him out of China and out from under his father's foot. It came to him when a group of his close allies from within the Triad accidentally captured Batman...and no, Erik didn't tell me how it happened. Regardless, two months before I got caught Erik had Batman. Which is why he didn't respond to our calls. Erik talked to his Uncle, Professor Chang, and asked him to build a restraining device for Batman. I guess Erik's father, Chang's older brother kicked the Professor out of the Triad, only let him run errands and such and so Erik planned to use the bad blood between his uncle and dad to his advantage, play one against the other. That being said, Erik was going to use his capture of Batman as leverage to get his father to let him start up a new section of Triad in the states."
"That would be fun to have to deal with." Will mused sarcastically and Slade grunted his agreement.
"At first I wasn't even a pawn in his game. Just another prisoner to torment and get information from. But as the months wore on something changed. Perhaps there is more I can't remember but something shifted between us. Erik started to realize I wasn't just another prisoner and that if he could get me to break and tell him where the scrolls were without his father's knowledge he'd have the ability to remove his father from the equation entirely. So...he started trying to win me over."
"Thus the more intimate and emotional behavior towards you begins." Slade said with a tone of understanding.
"Yeah. He ...tried seducing me, offering me my freedom, offering to take me away and make me his right hand, saying such stupid things about being a God among men and just really crazy crap. He tried to...well….let's just say he tried to romanticize the idea of me and him way too much. By that point I was so far gone...everything he started to say and do...well...anyway, the point is, he needs both me and Batgirl to get his hands on the scrolls. He can't make his move against his father until he does. And for all we know...he may have already tried to trade Batman in exchange for the right to branch out in the U.S.-''
"I doubt it. He won't play that card now. Not until he has the scrolls. He seems the type to want all the cards before he plays his hand. This may have initially started as a power grab overseas with Batman as the key to open the door, but it's become far much more than just a way for Erik to step out from his father's shadow. If he does it now, he'll most likely be sent over right away to get things going here in the States. Thus losing his chance to try and track you down. He doesn't necessarily know where you are. The messages he has sent have been to Will as he cannot track me and by extension, you down. He can't take the chance of being sent to America if you are still in China. He doesn't know for sure so the chances are good he will wait until he has you." Slade said with surety.
"So in reality, if you retrieve Batman and Batgirl he loses his ability to play his hand. He can't use Batman to bribe his father for more power and he while he might be able to get the location of some of the scrolls from your teammate without you he can't take over the Triad as a whole and remove his father from his seat of power." Wintergreen mused.
"Correct." Slade said as he took a sip from his glass.
Robin sat there quietly, digesting his memories, thinking about everything that had happened thus far and wondering what they should do next.
They could go retrieve the scrolls like they had planned two weeks ago, but now it didn't seem like the best idea. Bruce and Barbara should be his priority. If he could get to them and free them, Erik would have no cards to play and he would be out of the game. Then Bruce and Barbara could help Robin and Slade rescue the Titans.
"Assuming they are still alive." He muttered out loud. He hadn't meant to do it, but the words came out of him before he could stop himself and he ignored the two older men who glanced at him as they continued to talk softly.
"They could be dead-" Robin whispered, "I bet they are dead….but...why kill them...the Triad knows they are a weakness for me...that I would come for them...slice their damn throats for messing with them…" Robin's grip on his knife tightened and both Slade and Wintergreen stopped their discussion and fully turned to look at him.
It was the first time in a long time Robin had felt himself slip into an argument with himself. He had not had any reason to. But whenever he thought about his team it seemed to spark something inside of him. A burning rage and hatred, the same thing he felt whenever he lingered too long on what had happened to him in that room.
"That damn white room...covered in blood...my blood...so much red….so….much blood….S-Slade...it's s-starting…" Robin hissed out as his mind seemed to spiral downward and he was unable to stop it. Anguish, rage and anxiety erupted in his gut and Robin let out a nasty growl as he raised a hand and stabbed the steak knife into the table, the blade breaking as he did and the exposed part of the embedded blade sliced at his knuckles.
Slade stood and came around to him, gripping his wrist and leaning close to his ear, "Breath Richard. It's just a panic attack. Breath and relax. Just like the time before...breath-" and Robin suddenly sucked in air, as if he hadn't been breathing the whole time and sweat broke out across his brow. His body was trembling and he couldn't seem to stop himself as he suddenly shrieked out, "I'll kill them all! Every...last...ONE!"
Slade suddenly wrapped arms around him, hoisting him up and pressing Robin's back to his chest, "Robin, calm down, that is an order!" And at the sound of the man's strong clear voice Robin was pulled from his hysteria and he shook his head and sagged into the man's hold.
His breathing slowed, his body and face relaxed and he took gasping breaths as a tear fell from his eye, "I'm sorry...I l-lost control again." He panted out, feeling adrenaline start to fade and his head grow dizzy.
"What started it?" Slade asked as he gently set Robin back into his chair and moved around to his side, taking the young man's chin and making Robin look at him.
"I don't know...nothing...everything...I was thinking of what we should do next...and then I was thinking of ...of the Titans...my friends...my family." Robin stood, "I need some air...just...got to walk around a little and…calm-"
"You will go lay down." Sladd ordered and Robin looked at him, "But-"
"Sleep will do you good. We can talk more tomorrow. For now, you must rest. No doubt the accupressure played a role in this episode. To bed with you, now. Rest, Richard." And the word rest was said so softly and with such affection Robin felt himself release the last bit of tension from his body and he gave a weak smile, "Alright." And not giving much care of Wintergreen's presence he leaned forward and gave Slade a gentle and faint kiss on his lips.
"Thanks." And the young man stood and gave a small nod to Wintergreen, "Sorry...I...sorry."
"No worries." Will offered but Robin could see the thin layer of shock and surprise behind his old eyes and the young man hung his head in shame as he left.
As Robin walked to their room he rubbed at his arm only to feel his hand give a twinge of pain. He looked down to see his knuckles had a light slice across them.
"Damn." he hissed out, looking at the red and his mind started to cloud a little, "NO." he commanded loudly before he covered the wound and headed for the medical bay.
He entered quickly, his agitation growing as he tried desperately to keep his hand covered, searching for the bandaged and finally finding a new box on the top shelf of one of the medicine cabinets. He snatched it up and tore at the packaging, desperate to get it open and cover the red.
I can do this, I can wrap my own wounds, I don't need Slade every time I take some kind of damage.
Erik's voice slithered into his brain, Does my pretty little boy have an owie, I can help with that. Let's just clean it up, and wrap it all nice and neat. Aw, you bled through the bandage, such a naughty boy, guess I'm going to have to punish you-
"No, no...cover it up, cover it up, don't let him see-" Robin hissed as he grabbed the bandaged and started to sloppily wrap his knuckles far too tight before he pressed the wrapped hand to his stomach and covered it with his other arm. Robin felt it coming, not a panic attack, but his mind was starting to pull apart from itself and that usually only meant one thing.
"Stop it, don't sink into your mind. It's over. You can't afford to lose this battle, you have to win. Stop...he's not here...you're safe...you're safe-" Robin panted out only for his mouth to open and snap out, "But your friends aren't! And whose fault is that!"
"SHUT UP!" Robin yelled as he jumped at the sudden sound of his own voice before he stood on shaky legs and started to walk back towards Slade's room. He was determined to avoid this, but how could he avoid something that he had no control over. He wasn't going to do this again, have another vocal argument with himself, because he never won and it only upset him. But as he tried to get to Slade's room his mouth opened and Robin internally winced.
Page Break
As Robin left the kitchen Will went to speak but Slade held up a hand to silence him as the young man left and Slade motioned for Will to stand. The man stood and came to wait next to Slade's right side, the man's lone eye staring narrowly at the door. He moved silently to it, his hand just barely pressing it open as he motioned for Will to follow.
"What is it?" Will whispered out and Slade held up a hand to silence him again and Will listened to the silence of the hall before he heard a faint muttering coming from Robin who was a ways down.
"Damn." Slade said softly before he looked to Will, "Sometimes, just because the panic attack ends, doesn't mean it's over."
"What do you mean?" Will asked in confusion.
"On occasion, with the right stimulus, Robin will talk to himself. I assume it's a side effect of being held captive so long. I've found that after a panic attack, the best thing to do is wait and listen and if he starts talking to himself I usually follow. He will either sort it out on his own, or he will have another relapse into hysteria. It's also a very good way to figure out what is bothering him without having to push him to talk. It's worked in my favor several times in the past. I want you to come with me and observe him. You worked in the mental health ward at the military hospital in Nom. I want to know if you've ever seen anything like this before."
Will nodded, "Very well."
Slade glanced back down the hall and said softly, "Robin's awareness of his surroundings drops incredibly low when he starts talking to himself. He walked right by me once, didn't even notice I was there. I need to observe him to make sure he doesn't relapse. Be as silent as possible." Will nodded and motioned to the hall with a finger and Slade nodded as the pair traveled silently through the dark, sticking close to the wall as they made it to the medical bay where Robin was.
Slade heard ripping and Robin breathing heavy, "No, no...cover it up, cover it up, don't let him see-" and Slade shifted forward a little and noticed Robin was wrapping his knuckles in a rather inexperienced manner as he sat in the middle of the floor.
"Stop it, don't sink into your mind. It's over. You can't afford to lose this battle, you have to win. Stop...he's not here...you're safe...you're safe...but your friends aren't! And whose fault is that!SHUT UP!" Robin yelled and Slade stood stock still in the doorway across the hall as Robin exited the medical bay and went right by both him and Will without even noticing them.
A high pitched voice that cracked a little came from Robin as he walked, "You're friends are dying, maybe being tortured, they fell in battle because you were incompetent, you didn't train them well enough! You ruined everything! You always ruin everything! You should have trained them harder, should have pushed them! You should have made them train until they begged you to stop! Shutupshutupshutup!" Robin suddenly spun around, his sharp eyes gazing around the hall, before they narrowed and he shook his head and continued on.
His senses are coming back to him. He sensed we are here but dismissed it far too quickly. Slade thought as he noticed Robin freeze as his mouth opened and said in a rather sadistic manner, "You're a fucking don't care about them...don't care about anyone...but yourself and Slade. He's the sun now...and you're the planet orbiting around him. Your friends are dead...Batman is dead...Batgirl...you don't want to think about what they might be doing to her….your just a little robot now...wind you up and watch you go."
Robin stood in the silent dark hall, unmoving, the seconds ticked by, his mind seeming to drink in that comment and ruminate in the stillness as he tried to understand why he would say that. Slade watched and waited only to see Will's hands shifting silently by his waist and Slade realized the man was signing.
It's borderline SPD. I've seen this before. Other soldiers in Nam suffered from the same thing.
Slade very carefully brought his hands down by his waist and signed out, Cure?
Will signed back, Time, patience, understanding and lots of therapy. But it can be cured. Worst case, he will mumble to himself whenever stressed.
Slade looked back up when Robin spoke again, his voice soft but determined, "I….I'm not a...robot. I'm not a robot. I can think for myself and empathise with others and-" Robin's voice shifted to that slightly higher and more crazed pitch, "murder without thought or hesitation? Yes, yes you can." Robin gritted his teeth as he looked at the ground, "Jesus." he whispered out, bringing his wrapped hand to his eyes as he rubbed at them.
Will signed again quickly, He's handling it rather well, actually.
Slade smirked at that before that strange higher pitched voice said smoothly, "Erik tried to reprogram you remember? He was supposed to be the sun and you were the Earth….rotating around him forever, his loyal little soldier. And he was so close too, then Slade got his hands on you, and Slade became the sun-" Robin's voice shifted back down to the lower register, "I'm not a soldier….I don't work for anyone, I belong to myself. Shut up and stop talking." he barked, "Or what? Or I will cut out my vocal cords, see how much taunting you can do then." Robin murmured angrily.
A weird laugh crept up Robin's throat as that snide voice said readily, "You need to tell Slade the truth...because if he finds out later….he's gonna be maaaaad-" it sang out and Robin shook his head and bit out angrily, "He's not going to be mad! What is there to be mad about! I haven't done anything wrong! Erik took out your brain and stomped all over it and now you are just a machine. A hollow little death machine. A computer, a robot waiting for it's programmers Master Code.Stop talking to yourself! Jesus, we are past this phase, talk to Slade, talk to Will, don't talk to yourself! You don't need to anymore. Just tell Slade what you remembered! He can help you! He'll know what to do. Ha! Will he help or just use it to his advantage. You can't possibly still be this naive! If he knew that all he needed was the Master Code and you'd become the perfect little soldier do you really think he'd give you the choice?Yes, he would. I know he would. I trust him. He wouldn't do that to me! You're lying to yourself again. If Slade wanted to kill me he would have done it way before now! If he didn't want me here he would have booted me to the curb! If he had some evil plan up his sleeve he could have enacted it at any time! You don't have the right to doubt yourself or him. He's proven himself, you are the one who can't wrap your mind around why he would care about your pathetic ass." and Robin threw himself against the wall and slunk down to sit on the floor, crossing his arms as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes.
Slade looked to Will who signed out, Good news is, Robin is the dominant personality. Whatever that other one is, he keeps it under control. It's manageable.
Robin hit a fist to his forehead lightly several times in thought before saying. "I'm going to have to tell him. He needs to know. It's a fucking weakness. If Erik has a Master Code to my brain and he uses it on me I could turn on Slade mid battle and not even be aware I am doing it, we are going to have to deprogram my head." Robin said tiredly, "Fuck this is going to suck. Tell Slade tomorrow, maybe he can just shoot you and put you out of your misery. God, will you please shut up. Do you realize how sweet it's going to be when you get to slit Erik's throat? I don't want to think about it. I don't want to ever see that fucking psycopath again."
Robin pushed himself up from the wall, "Go to bed, Slade told you to go to bed." And Robin trudged towards the door before his mouth opened up one last time, his inner thoughts speaking before he could stop them, "He's going to leave you."
"SHUT UP!" Robin suddenly screamed before his fist shot out from his side and he punched a sizable dent into the thin metal plates of the wall.
He looked over at his fist and as he pulled his hand out of the dented wall he sighed, "Slade's going to be pissed. You fucking tweeker. Shut up, I'm going to bed." Robin entered Slade's room and the door swooshed shut.
Slade looked to Will and the man spoke softly, "Everything I just saw indicates a minor case of Split Personality Disorder. It usually forms under severe and elongated periods of stress and trauma as a sort of mental defense mechanism. He's not the worst case I've seen and so most likely it will fade the longer he is away from stressful or traumatic situations. If you continue to care for him and continue to instill confidence and self-worth as well as making him feel safe it will stop. It's not an easy case, you picked a difficult companion." Will mused as he crossed his arms and Slade wandered over to look at the dent in the wall, as he brought a hand to his chin and stroked at his goatee.
"Excellent force. A solid and destructive hit." Slade mused.
"Slade, did you hear anything I just said? His mental faculties aren't sound. The only way to actually help him is to keep him away from things that trigger this traumatic response. The whole mission would need to be terminated if you want him to have any semblance of real sanity and act like the old Robin!" Will urged.
Slade looked at him, his eye narrowing sharply, "And who says I want him to act like the old Robin. The old Robin would never want to stay with me. The old Robin would never listen to me or learn from me. The old Robin would never be waiting for me in my bed...speaking of which, I best go check on him."
Will watched him go, entering into his room and as the door swooshed shut Will realized that this was the end for his friend. Slade was not going to let this go, he was going to get everything he possibly could out of this, and when the time came and Robin wanted to leave, if he wanted to leave, Slade was not going to let him go, no matter what promises he made.
Page Break
Robin entered the bedroom utterly exhausted and he moved to the bed sluggishly before crawling it. He stripped off his clothes and pulled the covers up his naked body and over his head before he pressed his face into the pillow, inhaling deeply and surrounding himself with Slade's scent.
Everything faded, his fear over his friends, his worries about being nothing more than a programmed machine, the image of red and all his anger slipping away into nothing as he sighed and found peace wrapped up in the essence of his lover. He passed into a light slumber seconds later, being both mentally and physically spent. He continued to breathe deep and even, his mind floating in between sleep and awake. He didn't hear the door slide open and closed and wasn't aware of the presence that stood next to the bed and watched him sleep.
Slade reached out a hand, gently pulling the blanket down far enough to expose Robin's resting face. After a moment Slade began to strip, removing his clothes and sliding into the bed next to him. He propped himself up on an elbow as he watched Robin sleep.
His mind was racing with so many things. Every time he listened to Robin have one of his little meltdowns he learned so much. And this had been the most worthwhile conversation yet.
Erik had been brainwashing him, reprogramming Robin to be some form of bodyguard or personal soldier. His right hand man. Robin remembered it as he was searching for Erik's true intentions. That's what he didn't want to tell me in the sauna. He didn't know if he could trust me with such sensitive information. He knows if his brain isn't deprogrammed, anyone who gets the trigger word, or as Robin so perfectly put it, the Master Code would be able to control Robin completely. He'd become a blank slate for someone to use as a weapon.
Slade ran a gentle finger up Robin's arm, across his shoulder and down to his neck where he stroked absentmindedly.
I don't want some mindless machine that I can send off to kill people, so this Master Code Robin was talking about, whatever it is, needs to be retrieved if there is a hard copy. If there isn't, then all we have to do is kill Erik before he can say it. There is also the option of trying to deprogram whatever Erik did, but that's very hard to do without the Master Code. I will have to be careful. I will not lose Robin to that cruel and sadistic monster. He's mine, I've staked my claim and Robin has conceded to me. So, what to do, what to do-
Slade mused on his options, thinking about the best way to go about solving the problem they now face. His fingers traced up Robin's neck and along his jaw before they reached his chin and turned Robin's face to look at him.
Icy blue eyes cracked open and a groggy, "Slade?" was breathed out.
"It's always going to be me." Slade reminded fondly before he leaned down and gently pressed their lips together. As he pulled away Robin groaned out, "I want you."
Slade smiled wickedly, "You need to rest. You've had a very long day."
Robin turned and pressed his face into Robin's chest, "I...dented the wall outside of our room." Robin said softly as he hid his face from Slade's view.
"And why did you do that, Richard?" and Slade purred out Robin's real name and he watched as goosebumps erupted over Robin's skin, Slade's gut burning at the idea that something so small could make Robin react.
"I had a small episode after I left the kitchen." Robin admitted dejectedly.
"Really, why didn't you come back to me?" Slade asked, playing dumb to see what Robin would say.
"I'm….ashamed. It's embarrassing and...it makes me weak if I run to you every time I have a problem." Robin sighed heavily.
"Mm, there is no reason to be ashamed or embarrassed for seeking out comfort from your lover." and Slade poured the gentility on thick, caressing his hands along Robin's bare body only to realize he was completely naked.
"Please, I want you. I want to feel you...I want you to want me...I don't want to be alone." Robin stressed lightly as he kissed Slade's collar bone before sliding up to his neck and sucking gently on Slade's flesh.
A hum left his chest as Slade pressed Robin onto his back and he said darkly, "As long as I am here, you will never be alone again." and Slade spread Robin's legs and pressed in gently as he found Robin's lips and swallowed his gasp.
As he pulled back his teeth grazed against Robin's lips as Slade asked softly, "What would you do for me, Robin?"
The young man groaned as Slade reached his end and settled tightly between his thighs and Robin whispered out, "Anything."
Slade chuckled darkly as he kissed Robin's throat and whispered out softly, "Good boy."
A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter and could understand it. I know it got a little weird and twisted at the end but I had a really hard time with Robin's break down.