AS THE FIELDS HALF DISAPPEAR
chapter 14
by AliLamba
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The rain was already starting to lighten when they got close enough to dismount, which was…relative. Instead of the drenching downpour, they walked the last dozen or so feet to the structure in more of a steady drip. Relena rubbed at her nose, peeling her dress from her thighs. So much for modesty. She was wet and cold. Why anyone thought it was romantic to be out in the rain was beyond her.
Relena tied her horse's reins to the nearest post and pushed more wet hair out of her eyes as she examined the structure. Seth had told her about them, when she'd asked once how they could travel so light considering the extent of their voyage. She knew what to expect when she approached the door, the layer of dust washed away by the rain. As with the cabin, nothing here was locked; there was really no need. She pushed the door open, reaching blindly for the switch that would turn on the solar-powered lights.
They flickered to life, illuminating the rows of stored foods and supplies.
She felt Heero at her back and stepped quickly inside. The whole interior smelled of disuse; there was clearly no threat here, Heero's overcautious hold on his gun or no. Relena walked the aisles, reading the labels on the containers stacked on shelves.
She pulled down a bin marked food, shelf-stable, and pulled up the lid. Some sort of protein bar, stacked all the way back. She pulled out a small handful, turning only to show one to Heero before tossing it in his direction. She turned away before it was clear whether or not he'd caught it. Relena ripped off the wrapper and ate: big, thankful bites, a balm to her empty stomach. She took another few steps and found a canteen.
"There should be a pump nearby," Heero said, suddenly standing close enough to see what she held, and she turned again to hand it off, but. He didn't take it immediately. "Sorry, I…didn't come, more prepared," he added, and Relena's stomach clenched. She turned away again.
"It's fine. And there's bound to be bottled water in here somewhere anyway."
"Hm."
Heero had already pocketed his gun, weighing the empty canteen as he also looked around the shelves. Relena started walking again, chewing carefully, wondering which one of them was going to broach the massive, hulking, invisible elephant in the room and how long it would take Heero to muster the courage. She'd steadfastly pretend there was nothing to discuss until he did.
She found a bin with some of those microfiber towels and used one on her hair and legs and dress, taking off the jacket momentarily so she could rub something dry against her saturated skin.
It wasn't exactly a wood-burning fire, but, it would do.
"I found medical supplies," Heero called out, from a few rows away.
Relena was still rubbing the wet out of the strands of her hair. "For animals or for people?" she asked back.
There was a pause. "People." And then he added: "I think."
Relena suppressed the urge to chuckle, successfully, and walked back in the direction of his voice. She found him holding some sort of tub up to the light, reading the label.
"It doesn't say bovine or porcine or anything on it."
"Ah," she said, tossing him a dry towel. "Well, I'll take it."
Heero traded it off and she read the label carefully, looking for any sort of indication of what it did and who could use it. It looked like an antibiotic ointment, and after a careful sniff, she decided to go for it.
She used her fingers to poke some of it under her cuffs, groaning with relief at the instant sensation of pain relief. She added some more and then went around the next aisle to apply some to her inner thighs, and a thin layer to her cheek, though it did less on intact skin. She would bruise later maybe, that would be it.
"What else do you need?" Heero called over, as Relena was looking at her feet.
"Uh," she said, sitting down on the cold concrete floor. "Shoes? Pants maybe? Pants would be nice."
"Hm."
Heero started walking away, and Relena used the back of her hand to brush dirt and debris from the soles of her feet. She found a cut against the her small left toe and set about getting a better look, brushing out any obvious dirt, and applying a bit of ointment.
Heero's returning steps echoed from behind her, and she turned to look up at him when she felt him behind her back.
"Did you want some? For your arm," she offered, holding the salve up.
Heero wasn't looking at her, though. He was looking at her legs, and her dirty feet, and who knew what else: a glancing assessment of your ward. Relena sucked in a shaky breath. "I'm all right," she said. "Honestly, I am. And clearly Evan was in much worse shape than either of us."
Heero nodded, taking the tub from her hand, exchanging it for sweatpants that looked to be about three sizes too big, then thick socks and boots. Tucked into one of the boots were something called bath cloths, these sort of impregnated, disposable wipes that helped take the outer layer of grime off on long trips on horseback.
"Thank you," she said, taking the bundle and putting it down next to her. She wiped down her feet and legs with the cloths, then worked on her arms, upper chest, her neck and her face. It felt…nice. Good, almost. She wasn't giving up hope on a bath, but, this would do until then. Oh, she should be making a list of what they were using, so she could help them restock later –
Heero dropped into her line of sight.
She nearly jumped, or maybe she did, at his sudden proximity. He wasn't looking at her face, instead seeming to do another sweep of her overall condition. It left him frowning, just the smallest crease to his cheek.
She wet her lips, then, and cleared her throat, soft. "I should uh. I need to thank you for saving me." When he met her gaze she tried to smile, failed. "Again."
"Hm," he said, noncommittal. It was his job, she supposed. It didn't have to mean anything, that he'd looked like death incarnate on top of that horse, chasing Evan down. Should she – should she bring up –
No, no, definitely not.
"Relena," he said, voice soft and firm, and she knew he was about to bring it up for her.
"No," she said aloud. "It was. What I mean to say is – "
She made to get up, crawl away, do anything to flee, and Heero's arm jutted out to grab her shoulder, holding her gently in place. She seized up at the contact anyway, at once feeling trapped and panicked, as if it were another literal restraint.
"You didn't – " he started to say, breath coming slightly fast. "You – " He looked like he was physically in pain, trying to figure out what to say. "You could have told me," he finally swore, leaning back until he was sitting on the floor too. His hand broke away from her and he used it to grab his hair instead.
She debated whether she could pretend it all wasn't true. She debated a lot of things.
"I didn't…" she said, swallowing. "I didn't want to."
Heero's gaze darkened. He held her stare for a moment…then another.
"Tell me," he said, finally, gruff.
Relena looked away. Tell him? She didn't want to. She still wanted to run, to bolt, to never come back and never have to have this conversation. And yet…
She sighed. Tell him? Relena looked at the floor, around her folded legs. Tell him.
So she did.
Sitting on the floor of this random building, rain pattering on the roof, legs cold and getting colder on the concrete, she opened her mouth and told him the whole, sorry tale.
She told him about finding out while he was gone, about Quatre and L-4, about Mongolia (his eyes widened for a moment, but he didn't interrupt), and Russia, and…everything. She told him about some meeting with Duo in the weeks before she left, which had tipped the first domino, probably. She tried to explain how scared she'd been. And she tried to tell him, about…what had happened. It was opening a small box of this single awful secret which she honestly kept hidden from herself more than anyone else. It was just entirely too painful to relive, that one day in January. But it was always there. She would never forget.
How there was blood, everywhere, and Relena was crying, sobbing on the tiled bathroom floor with blood all over her hands. Bree speaking loudly, forcefully, on the verge of screaming, but there was too much blood, too much blood and Relena had drowned in it.
How it was…a little boy, who was dead and covered in blood and had eyes that wouldn't open. He was no bigger than her two hands.
She tried to tell Heero about how beautiful he'd been, this tiny little boy, but, her voice kept breaking at that part, and she found she wasn't quite saying words after a moment or two.
She managed to glance at Heero, but he was covering his face with one hand.
She bit her lip. "I didn't – " she tried to say, trying to close that box of memories, sealing them away so she could move and think and breathe again. She hated that there were tears glossing the edges of her vision. Her insides were squeezing, twisting and rolling in on themselves, and all she felt like doing was curling in on her own body. "I didn't give him a name, or anything. He's – he's buried on the Harris's land, under an oak tree. I can…"
She took a steadying, shaky breath, before wetting her lips again. "I can take you to him, when we get back."
She realized that she had nothing more to say.
Her story was over.
She forced her hands to relax instead, looking away from Heero while she tried to regroup. The brief memories she had of her son were replaying in her mind on a gentle loop. It was all out now, all of it, and there was nothing left to say. Heero knew everything. There were no secrets left.
Heero moved, bringing her back to the present, as it were.
He moved his hand away from his face and rubbed it under his nose. He sniffed as he did so, looking away, trying to relax.
She felt the words she was supposed to say: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, crawling up her throat. Some part of her, finely ingrained, yearned to apologize. But – she wouldn't. She couldn't. She wasn't sorry, really, not in the strange, absurd way that mattered. The whole...all of it was too tangled with emotions to simply pull one out to label the rest. She'd made her choices, the ending was awful, she maybe got what she deserved, but she'd –
"I'm sorry."
Heero's gravelly voice cut the air between them, and Relena looked up at him, surprised.
"I'm sorry that…" he took a measured breath. "I'm sorry you couldn't rely on me. That you couldn't let me help you."
Her shoulders relaxed, somewhat, mind spinning. How was it – it was just – her insides were twisting and twisting – she was so honestly…
Somehow, in this strange version of their reality, it felt...good, to hear him say it. Something sharp in her...eased. Nothing was better, nothing fundamentally changed. I'm sorry. They were both sorry, then.
She gauged the distance half-heartedly, then took the two crawling steps into his arms. He opened for her, drawing her in, pulling her between his legs, against his body, pulling her in so tightly, face burying in her short hair.
She felt it all. She felt everything, then, the whole god damn mess of it. The missing him. The wanting him. What could have been. There was never going to be a complete life for her without Heero in it, and having him hold her, and holding him back, it was just…she felt it all.
She wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, but it wasn't long. The hold was uncomfortable, after a while, and the ground was cold. She shifted until she was half-leaning away.
Heero put his hand on the side of her face, and she flinched at the pain. She'd forgotten about the hit. Heero noticed, frowning, but seemed to figure it all out too quickly, a shadow passing in and out of his eyes. He thumbed a safe spot, and her shoulders relaxed again.
"Thanks for the shoes," he said, and for a quick moment she wasn't sure what he was talking about.
"Oh," she said, looking away. She huffed a laugh. "Right. Well. Just be glad we only turned twice. I'm not sure what I would've dropped the third time."
He laughed, a little, too. "You would've figured it out."
Relena hummed, looking back at his eyes.
Was there more to talk about? Of course. But Heero wasn't looking at her with revulsion and he knew everything. He knew it all. Maybe there was hope for them yet, after they got out of whatever mess they were currently in.
"Heero," she said, after a moment. "I'm…not totally sure what Evan wanted with me. It seemed like he was heading to a meet-up, honestly."
Heero sighed, still not in total control of the shakiness of his breathing. "I figured as much. There were only a few possibilities that included him wanting to abduct you by himself, with no obvious accomplices."
"He mentioned something about his father…maybe something having to do with revenge?"
Heero frowned, considering, for a moment. "It doesn't matter now." He took her hand in his, threading their fingers. "Let's just go home."
Her heart swelled, a bit, despite everything, at the very idea. Home? Home.
"Yes," she agreed. Together they stood, Heero's hand still insisting on holding hers. She half-smiled, eyeing the clothes she still wanted to put on before their (very long) trip back to the house, but, before she could tease him about needing the hand to get dressed, utter one silly word…
Heero's gaze snapped to the ceiling.
Relena's did the same.
She heard it too.
"Heero – " she breathed.
He didn't respond.
"Heero is that a – is that what I think it is?"
Heero let go of her hand, going for the door, the only way in or out. She followed quickly, seeing as he went for his backpack and pulled out the guns, checking the safety on both. Relena sucked in a breath.
"That's a helicopter isn't it."
"Yes."
"It's probably the person Evan was going to meet, isn't it."
"Yes."
"And we've quite literally walked into this trap and sat it in, haven't we."
He looked at her over his shoulder, offering a small, lopsided grin. "It would appear the answer is yes, Relena."
She felt herself smiling back, fighting the urge. "And you think your two guns are going to be enough to take down a helicopter."
His grin widened. "Yes."
She nearly rolled her eyes. Oh this crazy man. She walked closer.
"You should let me talk to him."
He looked at her, trying not to look down his nose and all, but, he technically was just a bit taller.
"Honestly, Heero, I did used to be quite good at nonviolent negotiation, once."
He still looked dubious.
The floor shook as the helicopter made contact with the earth. There was no telling how far away it was, whether fifty people were about to swarm the perimeter of the shelter or five. Well, five was more likely, it being a single helicopter and all –
Heero cracked open the door.
Relena pushed herself against the interior wall, but Heero frowned, jerking his head towards the stacks of supplies instead. What did he want her to do? She was sure if there were weapons worth using he would have already told her where they were.
A voice shouted above the sounds of the helicopter blades.
"Relena Darlian!"
They both froze. Looked at each other. It wasn't a surprise, was it? Of course this person would know her name. But something about it – Evan had kept calling her Peacecraft –
"Vice Foreign Minister Relena Darlian are you in there!"
Relena frowned now, confused more than anything as she pushed off the wall. Heero threw out his arm to stop her but she just ducked under it, moving for the door, opening it quickly.
The bright sun filtering through the clouds was jarring, and she threw up her hand to block out the most painful rays. When had it stopped raining? When had it –
"I'm looking for Relena Darlian!"
She shook her head, blinking in the sunlight, taking another step into the open air, feeling Heero right behind her with his guns raised.
She frowned at them, nearly told him to lower them, when she squinted and tried to see who was coming. The wind blowing from the helicopter was sending grass and dirt flying, and she held down her skirt with both hands. She wanted to shout back, but she was still trying to figure out what to do with Heero, how to get him to stand down –
"Oh my god."
Okay, that, she heard quite clearly, somehow, and a second later there was a monumental shift in the tenor of the engines, and the blades started to slow.
When she felt like it was safe, she took one hand off her dress, and held it over her eyes.
The helicopter was a ways off, but she could quite clearly see the name printed along the side in large, block script: Blackfeet Nation. Her stomach clenched. She looked around for the person who'd been talking, and saw a tall, broad shadow of a man walking towards her, some fifty yards away. She blinked, squinting against the brightness. She heard the click of Heero's gun from her side, as he took off the safety.
She frowned again and nearly opened her mouth. They were just two people, with two guns, and this man had a full helicopter full of god knew what. She would not see Heero hurt, she would not see him killed.
"Where is Evan van Zandt?" the voice called again, and Relena turned back to look at him, again trying to shade her eyes.
"He's – alive," she shouted back. "About a mile to the south. We can take you to him."
"No, I – " the stranger paused, and again Relena blinked against the brightness. What was happening? He didn't quite sound like a criminal. He didn't even sound mad.
But maybe threats came in all forms. Heero pulled her back a half-step, stepping in front of her, trying to push her back toward the shelter with the shield of his body. She frowned and held on to his shirt, applying pressure until he stopped.
"Miss Darlian!" the voice called out again, over Heero's frustrated grunt. The helicopter blades had nearly stopped. "Miss Darlian, oh god, is it really…is it really you."
"Who wants to know?" Heero snarled, before she could respond.
Relena squinted at the stranger intently, willing her eyes to adjust. She was trying to decide if he looked familiar to her, if there was some benign reason he might know her name and be able to identify her, when the sharpness of him faded, and she could see the contours of his face.
She held a hand to her mouth.
"I – " the man went on. "Miss Darlian, there is no way you remember me. I knew your father so well. We worked together often, and then you and I did, after the war. My name is – "
"Mr. Davis."
She couldn't decide who said it, whether it was herself, or Mr. Rainer Anthony Davis: frequent guest of her parents' when she was growing up, whose photo had held a place of prominence in her father's study. As an adult she'd…oh my god, they'd collaborated on a half-dozen projects to benefit trade relations and agriculture expansion to the colonies.
Her mind was spinning, trying to put it all into place. "But you're – " she started to say, looking to the helicopter with her mouth open, back to him. "Aren't you here to – to kidnap me?"
She saw Mr. Davis's eyes widen, as he reached out into the open air between them, a placating, earnest gesture. Heero pushed himself more fully in front of her, and Relena leaned so she could see.
"No," Mr. Davis swore. "No," he said again, cutting his hand through the air, and she didn't care what Heero thought, she believed him. "Van Zandt started placing messages two days ago, claiming he had you as his captive and asking for the highest bidder. I – look. I didn't believe him. I hope no one did. His father used to work for me; I'd even say that at one point we were friends. After his death I helped Evan get the job with the Harrises, and so I – I went to the party last night in part to tell him to knock it off. The na—your name – it still carries quite a bit of weight, you see, and Evan was only going to get himself into trouble.
"And then – I saw you."
Relena couldn't even blink. She wasn't sure if Heero was breathing.
"I saw you, but, it was too jarring. How could it be you? After all this time? And hidden – hidden – in such plain sight like that? I could barely believe it. And I didn't know what to do with the information, and it seemed rather abrupt to approach you out of the blue like that, so I, so I left, and went to regroup and figure out what to do.
"And then in the middle of the night I get a call. From van Zandt. Demanding payment for you, dead or alive. He told me to meet him here, he told me to meet him at this time. And he told me that he was calling someone else unless I wired him an advance. Maybe he knew our past together, maybe he didn't. But of course – of course – I came."
Relena felt her brows pinch, and she pressed her lips together.
"You – " she tried to say, voice thick with emotion, ignoring the way that Heero was lowering his weapons. Her voice was slightly raw when she finally managed: "I didn't know you were a member of Blackfeet Nation."
A look of pure sadness flashed across Mr. Davis's old, weathered face.
"My mother's side," he said, simply.
Relena didn't need to hear anymore. She darted around Heero, skipped the few steps between them, and threw her arms around Mr. Davis's shoulders.
Something inside of her was breaking. Something was beginning anew. It was a feeling of hope, of having Heero behind her, of having safe passage for them both ahead.
They were going home.
Relena leaned back, rubbing at her eyes, not missing the tears hovering in Mr. Davis's. She huffed a quiet laugh.
"Mr. Davis, I'm so sorry for the timing, but I have a favor to ask of you."
"Anything, my dear. Honestly, anything."
She looked at Heero, over her shoulder, and felt the beginnings of a very broad smile. She turned back towards her father's very old friend.
"Could we borrow your helicopter?"
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.
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She could still hear the guffaw of Mr. Davis's laughter when the helicopter took off again with her and Heero and Mr. Davis in it, waving goodbye to the co-pilot, who had so cheerfully accepted the task of seeing the horses back to the ranch.
Heero was sitting in Swift Rider's vacated spot, helmet on, shade down.
Relena felt a tired smile as she watched him work from her vantage point. She wanted to say something to him from here, wanted to gloat a bit that she in some ways had really saved herself, honestly. Mr. Davis had brought a small sentry with him, which had since been dispatched to retrieve Evan and coordinate an extraction to bring the man into custody. The odds that Evan would have entered into a standoff with Blackfeet and survived were slim. Which was for the best.
The voyage that had taken them all night now went by in twenty whole minutes, and she honestly enjoyed the view of the rolling hills and open plains this time, part of her heart knowing it was likely the last she'd see of them.
It was obvious, when they came closer to Harris Ranch, that everyone was now awake.
Unmarked cars with pitch-black windows and flashing lights became clear, small groups of people standing together, some people running between buildings. Relena watched as Mr. Davis pulled out his phone and texted someone – she probably knew who – and put it back into his pocket, offering Relena a small smile of encouragement.
She nearly sighed. Oh. She'd need it.
Dust swirled again as they made to land in the only flat area that would accommodate them, the grassy field where the dance floor had been the night before. It made for a pretty splashy entrance, she wanted to complain, but she held off.
Clusters of people were shielding themselves from the wind, keeping safe distance as Heero and the pilot navigated them to the ground.
As soon as the runners made contact, Heero was taking off his helmet and turning in his seat, stepping in to the back to help Relena with her gear. She wanted to tease him or chastise him or something, but she was honestly too tired. She wanted a nap. She wanted a lot, really, and it was only midmorning.
The blades were still cutting through the air when Heero held her hand, held her gaze, and offered her a tight expression. She smiled as much as she could, looking over his shoulder to make eye contact with Mr. Davis, offering him her most sincerely mouthed thank you.
And then she squeezed Heero's hand, and they crawled out of the helicopter together.
She was glad she couldn't see what they looked like.
She'd forgotten to put on the shoes and pants that Heero had found, so much more eager to be home than fully clothed. Relena knew her hair was still a mess and that Heero was still dirty with horse and mud and rain. Her cuffs were still on, clunky under the sleeves of Heero's jacket. But he held firmly to her hand as they approached the nearest mass of people, and as distinct faces came into focus.
She nearly stopped. Or actually, she did stop, her feet slowing as she realized what – or rather whom – she was about to meet again.
"I tried to stop him."
The words cut the distance: soft, warm, familiar.
"Lucrezia," Relena said, throat feeling slightly thick. Because beside him:
"God damnit Relena."
Milliardo and his wife approached on swift feet, gathering Relena in an uncomfortably tight hug that she had no desire to release any time soon. She looked through their bodies to see other familiar faces in the distance: scattered Preventers, whose names flashed through her mind, and…Duo Maxwell, of all people, weight leaning heavy on one leg as he spoke with Heero, smiling like the sun. He winked when he saw her looking.
She closed her eyes and held her family tighter.
"It'll be good to have him back to normal," Noin griped, tears in her eyes, pulling back. Milliardo grumbled something indistinguishable as he maintained a solo, sibling hug.
"Yuy stopped responding to my texts," he complained, when they finally eased apart.
"He did okay," Relena insisted, meeting Heero's gaze for a moment.
"You did okay," Noin argued, touching Relena's upper arm. "I want to know – everything, but, we've been here for a few hours already, and I have to say, Relena." She brushed hair out of Relena's eyes, a tender gesture. "I don't know how you did it – or, I know how you did it because you always do it but – you found some really good people."
Her throat was definitely thick, now. Was it time for this? She wasn't ready. A part of her was never going to be ready for this. She looked past the people she loved, past the people in uniforms, and saw, standing by the stairs up to the porch she knew so well: the Harrises.
Bree, with her arm tucked around Kitty. Seth, with his arms around his mom and his sister. Margaret at his side. They were such a tight-knit family unit. And her heart was already breaking.
Relena took a deep breath, and took her first step towards them.
.
.
.
.
Her feet walked along the trail she'd worn herself, winding and long. She wanted it far from the house. Far from anyone. The other side of the apple orchards, past the spring they used as one of their water sources in good weather. And then there, in a cluster with a few of the oldest trees on the farm, that was where she'd allowed her son to rest.
Heero was standing in the shade, looking down at the nondescript dirt. When she got closer, she saw that he'd somehow transported an unhewn rock, half the size of a car tire, to the appropriate spot. She looked around, seeing no wheelbarrow, no groove where a rock that large had been dragged over the earth.
Well. It didn't matter.
She came to a stop at his side, instinctively reaching out her hand to grab on to his, her second thoughts doubting whether he'd even want to hold her hand trounced when he gripped her fingers.
"I thought I'd find you here."
"Hm," Heero grunted, tucking his arm around her side instead, pulling her closer than was entirely comfortable just for a moment. She got the sense that he just couldn't help the extra force, the intensity. She couldn't say she blamed him. It would pass.
"How is...everything."
Relena leaned her head against him, shifting in place. It was deep in the afternoon, now. Only a few Preventers remained, mostly to patch up their own damage, the rest helping with the processing of Evan van Zandt's arrest. She'd spoken with Margaret and Kitty and...and Seth, at length, and...she'd packed up the very few belongings she felt she had any claim to. As predicted, that had taken all of ten minutes.
How long had it been since Heero arrived? The sun was about to start setting. Four days? Five? It was hard to keep track, but maybe she was just tired.
Relena looked up at Heero, and he met her gaze.
"Fine," she answered his question. "It's, well, it's done, anyway."
"Done?"
She caught the second meaning, understood what Heero wanted to ask. Relena looked away, put her cheek back against him.
Seth had both hands deep in his pockets when she found him, wandering the wheat fields. He looked up when he heard her coming.
"You must think I'm the world's biggest idiot, huh?"
"No –" she swore, fervently and immediately, meaning it.
"It's just – of course it's you. You musta just left when Kitty came in banging pots and pans, waking us all up, and that was nothing compared to Preventers; showed up just the next second. I thought the whole house was gonna fall down like a house of cards, shoot."
Relena smiled, small, tight. There was a beat of uncomfortable silence as he looked at her, his warm eyes darting all over her face, and Relena had no earthly idea what to say.
He sighed and slung an arm around her shoulders, over Heero's leather jacket.
They stood in silence for a few moments. And then they both spoke at once:
"Guess this means you're leaving – "
"I really did mean it all – "
They stuttered into silence again, and Seth laughed, awkward. He rubbed his hand over her shoulder, and his voice was thick.
"Ah heck Lena. I like you way too much to want to do that, right now." Relena's expression pinched, and she chewed on the inside of her cheek. "Just, go on and break my heart, okay."
She put her hand on her neck then. She would, so honestly, miss this man. He was everything good about men in the world, and she wanted only good things for him. And without even thinking about it, she leaned up on her toes, and pressed a kiss against his cheek. It was fleeting. And it made Seth laugh, almost. A sad, humorless chuckle.
"Yeah," he said, sniffing loudly. "Yeah I'll miss you too."
"You're still wearing my jacket."
"Am I?" Relena asked, looking at her shoulder. "Hm. Apparently I am."
Heero snorted, grinning.
Relena exhaled. The cuffs were gone, she'd had a proper shower and changed her clothes, but. Well. She felt some ownership over the jacket's owner, so.
"I uh, I do have some...vacation time, saved up." Heero scratched the side of his face, where stubble had started to grow in. "I thought, maybe."
Relena smiled into his shirt. "Maybe?" He didn't answer, but she knew what he meant, and she smiled again. "That sounds good."
They held each other for another few long moments, thinking their private thoughts. Maybe they would make a pilgrimage of coming back here, once a year. Maybe. It felt wrong, somehow, to move him, though the thought of being so far away suddenly felt so difficult. She wondered very briefly what it would be like to stay here forever, with Heero, help the Harrises build something truly great.
But...no.
Her life had always been about...sacrifice. Everything for the greater good. Everything for those who did not have the luxury of choice. There was work still to do, she knew that, just as she knew that she couldn't live with herself if she wasn't a part of it.
But, it was still...it still felt wrong, in the private, selfish way that mattered.
"It seems wrong to leave him," she said, gripping Heero's shirt at his waist.
"We'll be back," he promised.
An urge came over her, stronger than she'd ever felt while standing at this spot. She broke away from Heero, kissed the underside of her fingers, and crouched, so she could lay her kiss on the earth. She thought of her son then, of his dark hair, and full lips. He'd deserved so much more. She would carry him with her always. And one day she hoped they would meet again.
.
Heero and Relena walked back to the house hand in hand, the sun truly setting behind them. After the rain of that morning the sky was brilliant with oranges and reds and pinks, but she just wanted to leave. It was time.
Relena looked up at the farmhouse as they walked closer, trying to memorize the details.
So many memories flashed through her mind, so many good memories. We'll be back. There were still a few Preventers lurking, but Duo had left a few hours ago, and Lucrezia and Milliardo were at the holding station in Helena, or maybe they were already moved out by now. She only knew that Evan had been recovered, had received appropriate medical treatment, that her statement was on record, and that it was over.
They were just at the bottom of the steps to the porch when the kitchen door opened, and Bree appeared at the top of the stairs. She was holding Relena's pack, so, Relena paused, looking up at her. She'd been avoiding them, probably. Relena had had a lovely conversation with Kitty while packing, had said her goodbyes to Margaret while eating lunch in a quiet spot during Heero's Preventers debrief, but…Bree had been avoiding her. Bree, she'd missed.
The matriarch took a quick breath from the porch and moved the pack in her arms. "I thought you'd be needing this."
Relena smiled.
Bree's face was a mask as she clutched the pack to her chest, then descended the stairs in quick steps. When she was on the ground she blew out a blustery breath, and handed over Relena's pack. She glanced up at Heero, then glanced up at Relena. There was a moment of just looking at one another. Bree's face creased and hesitant, Relena, feeling so fond, trying to commit every wrinkle of the woman's face to memory.
"I don't quite know what to say," Bree admitted, finally, and Relena's heart melted.
She pulled Bree into a hug, feeling as the older woman held her so tightly in return. Bree eventually pulled back, rubbing her nose. Her voice had a scratchy quality Relena had never heard before.
"You're always welcome here Lena, okay? You know that right?"
Relena nodded, once again feeling the sting of thankful tears. She impulsively hugged Bree once again, short, fierce, and then after a deep breath in tandem, she accepted Bree's wet kiss on her cheek, and pulled back with a smile.
"Well go on then," Bree warned, waving her hand. "I got dishes to do."
Relena felt warmth spread all under her skin, multiply and expand. She felt Heero's hand on her back, and started moving her feet, darting just two last glances at Bree, and at the house. Her heart felt full to the point of breaking.
Heero was patiently silent, for a moment.
"That reminds me," he said, as they neared the gates. "Quatre called."
Relena hummed in acknowledgement, still too caught up in strange feelings of grief and love.
"Quatre?"
Heero nodded, tugging her gently against his side.
"But if you don't mind," he said, looking at her from the corner of his eye. "I'd really like to talk to him first."
Relena felt the grin on a puff of laughter, and tried to focus on keeping her steps even.
"Good luck getting through Trowa," she cautioned.
"Pretty sure Trowa is – nevermind."
She quirked an eyebrow, considering what it was Heero knew. But, it didn't matter. They had time. They had so much time, now.
"Just…go easy on him," she teased, after a fashion, and Heero grunted.
They walked up to Heero's motorcycle, and Heero stepped close to get the second helmet he'd borrowed from the Harrises off of the handlebars, passing it to her. She held it, glancing again at the house, then turning her gaze to Heero, who was busy putting consolidating belongings for their trip. There was a small bed & breakfast on Blackfeet land they were headed to first, trying to take advantage of maybe her last night of anonymity, the last night of true privacy she would ever get, Preventers sweep earlier this afternoon or no. She was still fingering the straps of her helmet when she saw it:
The first star of the evening sky.
She remembered then.
She remembered…during those two years apart…
Stars looked the same as shuttles, sometimes. Not for very long, usually, but on first glance they were really indistinguishable. And during a particularly bad hour of a particularly bad week way back in the beginning, she'd been staring at the night sky, wondering if any of those stars was actually a ship, carrying someone she loved. Someone who'd loved her. It was a stupid sort of idea that became a stupid sort of game, brought on by fatigue, and loneliness, and sadness, but it had… Well, she'd just kept doing it. Because thinking about them, out there somewhere; that was a nice reminder of good things. That there were people who knew her, knew the real her, and they were out there, and they remembered.
She thought of trying to – of trying to explain it to Heero. But she couldn't find the words.
He looked up at her then, holding on to his own helmet, apparently satisfied with his preliminary check and ready to go. It was just about an hour away, where they were going, and they'd see the sunset fade for most of it.
"Ready?" he asked her.
She wet her lips. Ready? She fought the urge to look back one more time. So much was ahead of her. So much work, so much unknown.
Ready?
"Yes," she answered, moving close. She threw her arms around his neck, her heart constricting inside her chest with an overwhelming amount of emotion. "Yes, Heero.
"Let's go home."
.
.
The end.