Maddie got changed slowly and carefully, feeling exhausted and unsure of what was to come.
She made her way out to the waiting room, pausing when she saw the three agents talking intently and tensely together, but Derek noticed her almost immediately and cut off the conversation.
"Hey Maddie," he said calmly, signaling Aaron and Emily to stop. Maddie appreciated how him- and all of them- weren't treating her like a victim nor a child.
"Ready to go?" Her godfather asked, and she nodded.
A few steps out, though, her foggy brain alerted her more acutely of her surroundings, and she thought of her mom who worked in the same environment she was standing in.
"Uncle Aaron?" She asked, pausing, and he did the same, looking at her with a face of concern.
"My mom... she- does she know yet? How do I tell her?" She asked.
"I tried to call her Maddie" he said. "But she's in surgery and can't be pulled out. I'll talk to her the second she's out."
She nodded, both a little sad about her availability and also relieved that she didn't have to tell her or have her there in that moment. It was already overwhelming enough, but Aaron still noticed the flash of pain in her eyes, and gently led her to sit in a chair in the waiting room, and sat beside her.
"She won't be mad, Maddie. And you know she would be right here by your side if she knew. You don't have to worry about being the one to tell her, unless you want to be." He told her, practically reading her mind and addressing exactly what she was thinking about.
Maddie nodded. "I know." She said, although Aaron noticed she didn't sound completely convinced.
It was a terrible situation- her mother's fiance. And he knew that Rachel would never forgive herself...
But for now, he had to keep focusing on Maddie. They arrived back at the car and got in, then started the short drive back to FBI headquarters building.
Once they were back at Quantico, Aaron put the car in park, and looked over to try and get a read on Maddie. She seemed to be holding up relatively well considering the circumstances, but he knew that could just be a brave front, too.
"So when we go in, if you're ready, we'll get your statement. It can be to anyone on the team you're comfortable with, or it can be with one of the bureau psychologists if you'd rather that. It's whatever would make you feel most comfortable." He explained.
"Do I just... tell them what happened?" She asked, a little unsure of what it would actually be like.
He nodded. "Essentially, yes. But they'll have questions to guide you, too, so don't feel like you have to remember everything."
She stayed quiet for a moment.
"And you don't have to decide this minute." He answered very gently. Why don't we go in and get you something to eat and let you rest a little, and you can talk whenever you're ready." He proposed.
A faint look of relief washed over her previous overwhelmed expression and she nodded, followed him back inside and up the stairs.
Aaron led her back into his office, away from the stares of confusion from people who didn't know who she was and away from the glances of concern from those who did. She sat back on the couch that was across from his desk.
"I'll go grab us some lunch from the cafeteria so you can rest for a few minutes" he said. He knew her and how independent she was, and that she'd likely want a few minutes away from the constant people checking in on her. Maddie nodded.
Aaron returned a few minutes later with a salad and sandwich for Maddie. He wasn't quite sure what she'd want, but also knew that she wouldn't want to pick something herself in that moment.
"I'm going to go talk to my boss and see where everything is. Are you ok in here for a few more minutes?" He asked, really just giving her an excuse to have a little more time on her own.
She nodded, and he could see some of the relief on her face.
"Ok. I'll be right down the hall in Rossi's office if you need me." He said, closing the door most of the way.
Once he had left, a tremendous wave of emotions washed over Maddie. She felt scared, and nauseous, and like she wanted someone there and wanted to run and hide at the same time.
She looked at the food in front of her and pushed it to the side, knowing she wouldn't be able to keep even a bite of it down. Even the sight of it made her feel sick.
Maddie stayed staring at the wall, trying to keep it together and trying to think about what it was going to take to get through giving a statement. She hated crying and hated feeling weak. She felt closed up, and didn't want anyone- not her godfather, or a psychologist, or any of the other agents, no matter how nice- to know the details of what happened.
A light knock on the door broke her out of her thoughts. She wiped away a tear she didn't realize had fallen just in time to see Derek enter the door.
"Oh, I'm sorry" he said, seeming genuinely caught off guard. "I was just looking for Hotch."
"He went to talk to Rossi." Maddie replied.
Derek nodded, but stayed in place for a moment after seeing Maddie's pained body language.
"Not hungry?" He asked, looking at the untouched food that had been pushed to the side of the table.
Maddie shook her head. "Not really." She replied.
"That's alright" he said, taking a step further into the room and trying to get a read on if she was ok with him talking to her.
"You hanging in there?" He asked after a moment, knowing first hand what this type of abuse and emotional pain felt like.
Maddie shrugged. "The hard part's already over I guess." She said, referring to telling Hotch and getting through the rape kit.
Morgan nodded, and his kind and genuine eyes calmed Maddie down momentarily from her internal reeling a few minutes before. She didn't know why, but she just felt like she could trust him, even though she had barely interacted with him.
"Mind if I sit?" He asked, looking at the chair that was a few feet across the couch, and Maddie shrugged and nodded.
He sat at the front of the chair, leaning forward, and looking at her with a concerned expression.
"You know, whatever you're feeling right now... it's ok. There's no right or wrong, or way you're supposed to be able to handle this." He told her gently.
Maddie sniffled, and felt some tears flood into her eyes.
"I-" she started, immediately trying to apologize, but her words got caught in her throat.
"You don't have to apologize." Derek replied, knowing what she was about to say, and passing her the tissue box from Hotch's desk behind him.
She took one, nodding, and they both stayed silent for a moment.
"It... it wasn't even that painful you know." Maddie said, surprising herself that she was saying this outloud, especially to someone she barely knew. "I mean, I just kind of... froze."
Morgan nodded. "You're body knew it was in danger, so it disassociated itself from the situation. But pain isn't only physical Maddie" he reminded. "And I know how strong you are, and how much you're going to want to try and pretend it didn't happen, and move on quickly. But you've got to let your body and your heart heal from this. It'll feel easier to run the other way, but if you do, it'll always come back."
Maddie nodded, picking up deeper on what Morgan was saying. It really sounded like he was speaking from experience.
"Are you-... d-did you?" Maddie started to say before stopping herself, thinking that was much too personal of a question to ask. "Nevermind" she finished, looking down just as Hotch reentered the room.
"Oh, Morgan I didn't know you were in here" he said, surprised to see him, but also grateful.
"Maybe she said something more to him" Hotch thought to himself, still knowing there were parts of the story Maddie had left out to him.
"I was just headed back to my desk." He said, standing up, but first looked down at Maddie sitting on the couch.
"I was, Maddie." He said, effectively answering the question she didn't quite get out. "So you can talk to me anytime, kid."
"I'll be at my desk if you need me." He told Hotch, giving Maddie one last reassuring glance and leaving the office.
Hi sorry it's been so, so long! I hope everyone it staying well in these crazy times. As always, I'd love to hear any of your thoughts, ideas, or feedback! Thanks for reading :)