Chapter 13
When they reached the cabin at last, Cora could hardly breathe for the pain she harbored in her chest and the effort of holding it in. Nathaniel came in with her long enough to set his rifle by the door and light the lamp in the common room, then went back out on the porch leaving her inside the house alone. She removed her shawl with a defeated sigh as the door shut behind him with a soft thump. It was cold so she went to the fireplace to put some wood on, but found that a new fire had already been set up and only waited to be lit. Nathaniel must have done it earlier, she realized, and this only made her heart ache more. Nothing made sense at all. He had hardly wanted her near him the last several days, and he was offering her a divorce as if walking away was so simple, yet he had still cared enough to set up a fire for her knowing she would be cold when she got home, and had come to the Ivanovs' to make sure she got home safely. He was a mess of contradictions, and it gave her a sudden spark of hope. She lit the kindling while pondering all of this, and as she watched the rest of the wood catch, her resolve grew along with the flames.
To hell with it all, she thought. Alice was right, and she had had enough of this lonely silence and all the guesswork. She would not lie down and accept the end of things until she said her piece and knew for certain how Nathaniel felt. And in the end, if he really didn't want her, then she had nothing left to lose anyway. She stood with a little huff and brushed the ashes from her skirt before stepping back out onto the front porch. The small wedge of the waxing moon lit the clear sky just enough to illuminate his form standing there, his forearms resting on the railing next to the stoop while he looked out at the night sky. She drew a shaky breath as she approached his side, speaking before she lost her nerve.
"When we married, we made that decision out of desperation, and I wondered if you would regret such a decision when the dust settled." She paused for a moment to catch her breath, not daring to look at Nathaniel as he turned toward her. She could feel his attention on her as she continued, her voice low and hushed and her eyes downcast. "I thought surely you would have second thoughts and that maybe we wouldn't even go through with it, but then it was done, and when… when you kissed me the way you did, then I thought perhaps I was wrong, and you weren't so sorry to be marrying me after all. But now I think that you must be, because it has made so much trouble for you, and I do apologize, Nathaniel. Perhaps you are right, and it would be best to do what you suggested and find a lawyer in Seattle. You've been so kind all along, but I never meant for any of this to disrupt your quiet life so much."
"Is that what you think?" Nathaniel stood up straight to face her fully, but she still wouldn't look at him. He had thought she might be relieved when he'd brought up the divorce, and indeed that had been his worst fear. Mentioning it on the way home tonight was, in hindsight, probably not the best way to begin telling her that he wanted her to stay with him, but he couldn't tell her how he really felt unless he knew whether or not she wanted the same thing. She sounded far less than happy about the prospect of divorce, however, and after all he'd done to her she was blaming herself, and that was probably all his fault, too. "Damn if I haven't made a fine mess of all this," he sighed in frustration. "Cora, none of this is your fault. Why would you think that?"
"Because you left four days ago and you've hardly wanted to be around ever since! What was I to think?!" Her voice rose a little and her eyes met his at last, and it was all he could do not to reach for her when the moonlight showed them brimming with unshed tears.
"That's not… Jesus Christ, Cora, I didn't think you wanted me around, after all I've done. You're worried about my life being disrupted? What about the fact that none of this would have happened at all if I hadn't I lost my temper when Heyward insulted you, and now who knows what he'll do because of it? I wanted to keep an eye on him, make sure he didn't do anything to hurt you or Alice."
Cora reared back, stunned. "That's where you've been all week?"
"Yes," he admitted. "I couldn't bear the thought of bringing danger to you because I let my feelings get the better of me."
"Well, you might have told me! As for any danger that might arise, let him come, let him bring his own guilt into the open and end this once and for all!" Her eyes glittered with indignant resolve, then softened again as she looked up at him, shaking her head. "I said I wasn't upset about Duncan from the start and I meant it, so whatever made you think I would want you to stay away? No one has ever stood for me the way you did, Nathaniel, and if I'm not sorry about it then you shouldn't be, either."
Nathaniel closed his eyes. "It's not just all that," he began, turning his gaze away. "It's mostly what happened after. I don't remember much of when you got me home from the jail, but what I'm able to recall… I acted no better than those drunken customers you had to deal with at that damn saloon, and there's no excuse for it."
"What?" Cora's eyes widened in confusion. "I don't understand. What exactly do you remember?"
He sighed heavily. "Just pieces, but enough to know I behaved badly. Saying things, touching you. I remember you looking shaken up and moving away, and then hightailing it out of the room like it was on fire. That's all I could recall. And the next morning when I asked you, you got so upset and you wouldn't tell me what I'd done or even look at me. So I left, because I figured I must've done worse than I remembered, and I couldn't stand to think… to think that I'd made you feel even close to what you felt before. I am sorry, Cora, I never meant to be like that." His head hung in shame.
Cora let out a sob, unable to bear his unfounded guilt any longer. "Nathaniel, you didn't do anything wrong." She took his hands in hers, and when he looked back at her at last, the agony in his eyes nearly broke her heart. Her tears began to fall as she quietly explained what had really happened that night and why she had reacted the way he remembered. "I wasn't upset the next morning because of what you did," she finished, lifting one hand to dash a tear from her wet cheek. "I was upset because I hoped you meant the things you said and I wanted you to remember, and all you seemed to want to do was regret everything and run away."
Nathaniel reached out and took her other hand back, wanting to pull her into his arms, but he didn't dare try to do that yet. "I did mean it," he said huskily, his thumbs stroking her knuckles. "I only regret it because I should have said those things to you sober, not the way I did. Maybe I should have done a lot of things before now. God knows I wanted to, but I didn't want to be like those other men, and I didn't want you to be afraid of me."
"You are nothing like that, Nathaniel. I'm not afraid of you, and I never could be. Not… not when you make me feel the way you do." She looked up at him in charged silence, the unbound honesty of her admission settling in her eyes. Something shifted in the moments that followed, and the space between them seemed to grow heavy and sultry with awareness. Her warm hands squeezed his briefly before they let go and slid forward over his palms. A slight shiver moved down his spine as he observed her fingers gliding slowly over his wrists and forearms, her sensual touch on his skin like fire in the cold night air. Nearly trembling, he let his own hands go to her waist, unconsciously bringing her toward him. She came willingly, stepping ever nearer, her hands resting at the rolled-up cuffs of his shirt sleeves.
"I've never once been sorry I married you, Cora." His eyes roved over her upturned face in the half-light of the moon above, his palms stroking her arms, her shoulders, then gently rising to wipe the last of her tears away, thumbs caressing her jawline and down her neck. He could feel the beating of her heart there, her hooded gaze silently granting the permission he sought. He pressed his lips to her temple, then brushed them across her cheek, the tip of her nose. "And you are beautiful," he breathed, relishing the quickening of her pulse beneath his fingers.
His words were soft, deep and velvet like the sky above, and he was so near now that Cora could feel the movement of his lips when he spoke them. He smelled like early morning rain, like starlight, like temptation and eternity, and when his mouth found hers at last he felt like all of those things to her, too. His lips moved against hers with insistent, intoxicating pressure, needing a response, giving no quarter. She was lost almost instantly as a rush of heat coursed through her entire body, its burning ache settling in her belly, her thighs, making her legs feel weak with the power of it. She answered him with a faint gasp and the returning caress of her own mouth, her lips parting beneath his and her arms sliding up around his shoulders to steady herself. His arms surrounded her in return and held her tight to him, one hand curling around the nape of her neck as he angled his head to deepen the kiss. The gentle stroke of his tongue teased along her full bottom lip and then beyond, and when she met it with hers, a silken shock of arousal had her melting against him with a quiet whimper, clinging to him for fear of drifting away. This was not like their wedding kiss in the least; he had held back then, but there was no more of that caution now, and she didn't want it anyway. She wanted this, fire and ice and raw hunger, the whole naked truth of what had been between them all along.
Nathaniel drew back from Cora with a shuddering breath, her lips still parted and her eyes closed. He watched them open, dark and lovely and full of longing as the palm of his hand caressed her hair, her cheek. Her fingertips touched his jaw and she brought his face to hers again, kissing him once, twice, quick and tantalizing. A low growl rumbled in his throat as he crushed her to him and his mouth slanted across hers again with a primal urgency that she seemed to feel too, her body pressed impossibly close to his and so warm in spite of the cold Alaskan air. Her hands seemed to be everywhere at once, sliding over his fingers in her upswept hair, roaming feverishly over his arms and shoulders and back. A trail of quickening desire blazed across his skin when her lips left his and she buried her face against his neck to nuzzle his throat. He lifted her off her feet and seated her on the porch rail slightly above him, granting her access to new territory. With a ragged sigh, she held his face between her hands for a moment, looking down at him with awestruck yearning, and he thought to himself that he must be a mirror image because he certainly felt like it. He had wanted this, dreamed of it. Then as if to tell him that she had as well, she kissed his face, her mouth skating over his features in a frantic quest for further contact, and he felt that driving need too. He met her lips again, nipping at them and then continuing along her jawline, down the side of her neck, across her collarbone and back to her mouth, all the while knowing in the back of his mind where rational thought still had a faint voice that it would be wise to take a step back before they lost control. As badly as he wanted to give in to the raging desire that clamored inside him, he knew he couldn't do that without knowing what she was ready for. Finally having this with her was enough for now, if that was all it came to for tonight.
The haze of their initial madness began to settle, and Cora sighed softly as Nathaniel's kisses slowed and then ended in the gentle manner they had begun. They held one another there in reverent silence, foreheads touching and their warm breath fogging and mingling in the chilly air as they gathered their wits. After a time he wrapped his arms around her and lowered her down from the rail, turning her just enough to pull her back against him, locking his arms around her shoulders. She remained there in his embrace, laying her head back against his chest with a little hum of contentment, hardly worried about why he had stopped kissing her when it felt so good to be with him like this, too. All of this felt so very right, and if she had been sure of what she wanted before, now it was set in stone. He seemed equally satisfied for the moment, stroking her shoulder and tucking the top of her head beneath his chin while they looked out at the thick array of stars in the endless vault of the night sky. They might have been like that for moments or hours, they did not know or care. Both were tired, yet sleep was the last thing they wanted. Not now, when they still basked in the newness and wonder of all this. Not now, when he held her in his arms under the starry sky they could finally share the way they had both secretly hoped to from the start. It seemed, then, that some higher power agreed with this sentiment; as a falling star streaked across the heavens, in its wake a strange haze of green light gradually formed, growing stronger by the minute as it began to stretch and lengthen.
"Nathaniel…" Cora whispered, speaking for the first time as she raised her head and pointed at the sky. "What is that?"
Nathaniel looked up. "Hlats'ux, in my mother's language, kìshahtèk in my father's," he answered. "The Aurora Borealis. Now that it's getting later in the year, it's dark enough to see them when it's clear out like tonight."
"Oh," she breathed, entranced as she watched the emerald light grow a little brighter and more solid. She had heard of the Northern Lights, but such sights were impossible to convey with mere words. "It's so strange and lovely."
"It's only beginning," Nathaniel said, smiling. "It gets better, you'll see."
"And do your people have a story for this as well?"
"We know it as 'The Spirits Are Dancing'," he explained. "Just as my father's people believe that the Milky Way is the path to Heaven, my mother's people say that those who have left this world, both animals and people, dance in the spirit realm, and we can see it through the veil between worlds as Hlats'ux." He smiled with a pang of nostalgia. "My mother loved to watch them. When Uncas and I were little boys, she would wake us when they appeared. She'd bundle us up in blankets and we'd go out to see them, and she and my father would tell us stories. Some people would say that you shouldn't shout or make too much noise, or the spirits might come and take you away with them, but she never believed that. She liked to think it was proof that those who had crossed over were happy."
"Do you think she is there, too, then?" Cora whispered, her fingers intertwining with his as she pressed herself against his side for warmth. He looked down at her with a gentle smile, and in the ethereal emerald light she could see both sadness and joy in his eyes.
"I'd like to believe she is. And maybe your folks, too, who knows." He kissed her hair, cuddling her closer as they watched the wondrous sight painting itself across the night. Cora gasped when all at once the single band of light flared across the entire expanse of the sky and split into three more. They stretched tall, waving and shimmering curtains of verdant brilliance like nothing she could have ever imagined in her wildest dreams. They were only green at first, but soon they seemed gilded with bright yellow at the edges. When smaller flares began to launch across the ever-moving folds, she could see pink and even purple jetting along them in tiny flickers like candle flames, burning out as quickly as they appeared.
She stepped off the porch and pulled Nathaniel with her out onto the open land in front of the cabin, her face turned up to the interminable glory overhead. As the rippling blazes continued to change direction, one of them curled just over where they stood like the eye of a radiant storm, swirling in a dazzling burst of pink and white and bright green. Cora could understand completely why the Haida and others might believe they were watching the spirits dance; she truly felt as if she were privy to some celestial gift, as if she were watching Heaven's gates open before her, and there was a strange, otherworldly magnetism to the air that almost crackled like electricity. Perhaps Nathaniel's mother was right. Perhaps she was there, and Papa and Mama too, and she hoped it was true. Tears of wonder streamed down her face, and she couldn't help dancing with the spirits too.
Nathaniel laughed out loud as she caught his hands in hers, spinning him in circles, reveling in the magic of two worlds meeting and he and Cora coming together at last, too. It had been years since he'd seen the Hlats'ux in such rare form, and he wondered if this wasn't some divine push, if his mother was there, looking down. He hoped that Chingachgook was awake to see this.
"Ànati, këlësta!" He suddenly called out to the vault above, stopping in mid-spin. "Kpëntai hèch? Shè yu nëwicheyok." He pulled Cora closer, still holding her hands, and gazed down at her, his knuckles grazing her cheek and tender passion glowing in his eyes, mirroring the sky. "Ntèhëm. Nlehëlexeokàn. Ntahola."
He finished his address in a hush, as if confessing some great secret even he had not known until this very moment, and Cora felt the weight of it settle in her heart – not heavy and dark, but something sweet and aching, an anchor that seemed to tether her to him definitively. She wanted to ask what it was that he had said, but before she could, he lifted her chin and his lips settled on hers, fierce and hot like the hurricane of light around them, sealing whatever confidence he had just bestowed on her. His kiss seemed to pour all this radiance into her and she took it, responding in kind to give it back to him too, the fire in the sky beginning to subside as the one between them began to rise and lay waste to any rational thought either of them might have ever entertained. His mouth all but consumed her, his tongue sweeping in to find hers, and she met each velvet stroke with one of her own, fitting the slim curves of her body against the lean muscle of his.
He retreated, the tip of his tongue tracing the sensitive line of her lips, and the sweet torture made her tremble with her heightening arousal. God help her, she wanted more of this, so much more. Living in a house of ill repute had educated her in the baser mechanics of carnal lust and fornication, but what was between her and Nathaniel had nothing to do with any of that. This was something else altogether, pure and powerful and drenched with desires and emotions that didn't exist in places like The Patroon's House. She had known all along that Nathaniel made her feel and want very different things from what she had previously known, but the reality of what he could do to her with physical touch was altogether staggering when combined with what she felt for him in her very soul. Alice had reminded her that all she had to do was ask him for what she wanted, and it certainly seemed like he was ready and willing to give her whatever she might ask him for.
"Cora…" Her name fell from his lips like a prayer of supplication as he turned his cheek against her hair, holding her close enough to feel each breath she took. "Tell me what you want," he murmured softly, as if reading her mind.
"This. You. More." She sighed, not knowing how to put into words what her body desired. "I want… more." Her lips nuzzled his neck just beneath his earlobe, the delicate caress driving darts of pleasure through him. "Do you want me, Nathaniel?"
He drew back to look down at her big dark eyes full of the fading auroras, her kiss-swollen lips, her flushed skin. "Like the air I breathe."
"Show me," she whispered. "Be my husband tonight, Nathaniel. Take me as your wife."
God, he had thought she would never ask. His body practically hummed as he answered by taking her mouth again in deep, drugging kisses, lifting her against him and off the ground. He carried her back onto the porch and put her down to open the cabin door. Once he had, he bent and swept her up into his arms, stifling her little gasp of surprise with a kiss as she wrapped her arms around his neck.
"If we're to have a proper wedding night, we'll start here," he said matter-of-factly. She smiled against his lips with a husky little laugh that played havoc with his senses as he bore her across the threshold into the fire-warmed cabin, slamming the door and heading straight for the bedroom. After setting her down gently near the bed he took a moment to light the glass lamp and then turned his attention to his waiting wife. His wife. His wife, whose very first words to him had been 'do not put your hands on me'. His wife, on whom he had sworn he wouldn't lay a hand unless she asked, because she deserved to be with a man she loved… and now she had asked, and he could show her all the pleasurable things a man and a woman could do together. Did he dare hope that she loved him? For now, it was enough that she wanted him as much as he wanted her. He reached out and let his fingers graze the graceful curve of her neck and the hollow of her throat at the open collar of her green cotton blouse. When he reached the first button he began to undo them one at a time, parting the edges and watching the rapid rise and fall of her chest above the neckline of her white corset cover as she breathed through parted lips.
Cora shrugged the blouse off impatiently and set to work on Nathaniel's shirt buttons, the memory of their fumbled wedding night flashing through her mind briefly. This time, though, he didn't stop her, and when she had them all undone, he shucked the garment and sent it sailing across the room. She drank in the sight of him for a moment, appraising the expanse of flesh. Good heavens, he was an enticing sight, and now… now she could look as she pleased. And touch. Which she did, stepping closer to him, placing her palms on his abdomen and letting her fingers fan out over the planes of lean, strong muscle there. His skin was warm, so warm and so alive, and she reveled in his pleasured hum as her hands roved over his stomach, upward across his chest, her fingers tracing the tattoos there that she had been so fascinated with, then down over his ribs and around to his back to explore there. With her arms holding him so close, she couldn't resist pressing herself flush along the entire front of him, and she was shocked at her own brazenness when her lips found one tattoo and then the other with tender, curious caresses. She did not have to wonder long if he liked this; he groaned softly and wrapped her in a crushing embrace, bringing her mouth back to his like a man half-starved. Before she knew it he had undone the waistband of her skirt and petticoat, and they fell in a heap around her feet while he made short work of the buttons on her corset cover. He released her for a moment, looking down at her disarrayed clothing with the same hunger he had kissed her with a moment ago. When his eyes settled on her pink silk corset and fine cotton chemise, he smiled with such delicious wickedness that it made her feel hot all over.
"That damn thing," he laughed softly, touching the luxuriant fabric, his fingertips tracing the pretty flossing details on the boning channels. It had been an impulse purchase when Cora and Alice had gotten new clothes in Seattle. It had made her feel pretty, and she'd been in a self-indulgent mood that day after their harsh journey and Duncan's overbearing attitude. Seeing Nathaniel's reaction to it now, and the night they had married, made her all the more glad she had let herself choose it and not something more practical in appearance.
"You don't like it?" she teased him softly. "Well, I suppose it will have to come off, then." An alluring little smile tugged at the corner of her lips as she slowly turned around, letting the corset cover fall to the floor. She reached up and began unpinning her kiss-disheveled hair, wondering where her audaciousness had come from as a flush crept over her exposed skin. There was no time to be self-conscious, though. With a soft growl his hands spanned her waist, yanking her back against him. She took the last pin from her hair and the soft weight of it tumbled down, falling in a silken riot over his bare chest and shoulder as she settled her head there with a sigh.
"You have no idea, do you?" Nathaniel breathed against her ear, his lips loving her there as he began to work the laces of the corset just a little looser. "Ever since the night we married…" he kissed his way down the arch of her neck to the juncture of her shoulder, hands now moving up her sides over the smooth silk, then down across her hips and lower belly, where she ached and throbbed. "The picture of you in my mind, wearing this, has tortured me…" He nipped her flesh with his teeth and then laved his tongue over the spot, drawing a faint moan from her that made him burn all over. "I wanted you that night, and every day since, nushe. Do you know this?"
Cora turned in his arms with a whimper, her mouth finding his in desperation. He plunged his hands into her hair, and her own arousal deepened when she felt the evidence of his pressed against her where his hands had been moments before. The power of his confession, of the feel of him hard against her, of knowing she could do that to him, coursed through her along with her desire.
"Nathaniel…" she breathed against his lips, her tone imploring.
"Hmmmm?" he replied softly, looking down at her, his gaze hooded and dark with intent. "What do you want, Cora?" he prodded her gently, placing a kiss on the pulse at her throat.
"More," she whispered.
His hands spread over her ribcage and she gasped when they settled on the swells of her breasts, the intake of breath pushing her further against his palms.
"Like this?" he murmured as she melted against him, her knees weak. His thumbs arced across her breasts and grazed her nipples beneath the fabric of her corset, sending a jolt of wet heat between her legs and drawing a little mewl of pleasure from her. "Tell me, Cora."
"Yes. Everything," she pleaded. "I want you so much… do you not understand that I've wanted you all this time?" She shuddered as he caressed the hardened peaks of her breasts beneath the silk and cotton again, her hips writhing against his groin and threatening to send him past all reason.
"Damn it, woman, you undo me," he growled, his mouth meeting hers, fevered and merciless. He unhooked the closures on the front busk of her corset, letting it fall to the floor, then guided her to sit on the edge of the bed so he could remove her boots and stockings. When he had done so he watched her quietly in the flickering lamplight, kneeling before her in only her chemise and drawers. Her hands shook a little as they moved to the hem of her chemise, betraying her sudden onset of nerves with the knowledge of what came next. She hesitated for a few seconds, then drew it up slowly over her head and dropped it beside him, her skin growing flushed and her eyes lowering in a fit of shyness while he gazed at her. She was about the loveliest thing he'd ever seen, all smooth, creamy skin with an undercurrent of graceful strength in her lithe arms and legs, her breasts small and high-tipped, understated yet perfectly exquisite to him. She was blushing everywhere, even there, and he moved closer, cupping her face and forcing her to look at him as he brushed his thumb over her soft lower lip and then kissed her there. "Beautiful," he murmured, his eyes dark and smoldering with longing. "Everything about you is so beautiful."
She believed him when he said it now, remembering the way he had looked at her in the hotel room in Seattle, and so many times since. How silly she had been to think he might not want her. He had seen her from the start, and had let her see him too, and that was what had always made him so different. What had always made her want him even when she had feared what she felt. There was no fear left now when she leaned down and kissed him, her fingers playing over the musculature of his shoulders and arms. She arched back when his kisses began to roam again, giving him unfettered access the smooth column of her throat and what lay below. The rough palm of his hand caressed the soft, sensitive skin of her ribs and belly and she drew in a sharp breath as his lips closed around one deep pink nipple, the teasing stroke of his tongue there sending ecstatic little shockwaves through her that pulled at the core of her and intensified the pulsing ache between her thighs. She cried out helplessly, her head falling forward as he ran his tongue over the diminutive swell of her breast and up her chest, her fingers tangling in the length of his hair. Claiming her mouth, he absorbed another pleasured gasp from her when he gently rolled her other nipple beneath the pad of his thumb.
"Do you like being touched like this?" he whispered between kisses.
"Yes," she breathed, kissing him back with feverish little flicks of her tongue. She still didn't quite understand what he did to her, the way he made her feel and the things he made her want to do, but whatever it was all she wanted was to keep feeling it, wanted to know the fulfillment of this wild, insistent craving she had never thought it was possible to feel for a man. Nathaniel professed that she undid him, but his touch undid her in a way as well, erasing every unpleasant memory she had of being touched by anyone else and replacing them with only his hands, his lips, in this moment where nothing else mattered but feeling beautiful and wanted by him. She wanted to touch him, too, and bring him the same pleasure he brought her. Her arms wound around his torso, tugging at him impatiently. He laughed breathlessly as the momentum sent her backward and he tumbled onto the bed with her now positioned halfway on top of him.
"That's better," she sighed, catching his lower lip with a delicate sweep of her tongue. He let her kiss him and kissed her back, and then let her discover whatever else she was after. She tentatively traced his jawline with her lips, nibbling and licking here and there, moving across his collarbone, over the swell of his shoulder, seemingly intent on driving him mad or making him explode. Her fingertips teased lightly along his bare flesh at the same time, and he sucked in a breath when they found the waistband of his pants. She paused for a moment, watching his face curiously. Her hand moved lower, stroking over the firm length of him straining against the fabric, and he thought he might have seen stars for a moment, a tortured groan rising from his throat as he took control once more, rolling her beneath him before she could protest.
"Keep that up, and this will end sooner than later," he chuckled gruffly, smiling a little as he returned the same attentions she had just given him, and then some. He returned to her breasts first, lips and tongue and teeth adoring her there until she was flushed and barely able to speak or think. His hand cupped her groin as she had done to him, and she thought she might die when his fingers slid into the opening of her drawers, finding the slick heat of her core and teasing her there, too. "Is this what you want?" he questioned silkily.
"Yes," she moaned, completely his captive now, the throbbing pressure building where he touched her, winding tighter and tighter. When he stopped she almost begged him not to, thinking he was done, but before she could say anything sensible at all, he slid off the bed and back onto his knees. He placed a gentle kiss on her navel, the subtle contact making her hips rise as her muscles tightened briefly, and he used this advantage to remove her drawers in one swift motion, sliding them down and off. No sooner were they gone than he continued his ministrations, and when he parted her legs and his mouth settled there, lips and tongue taking over where his fingers had left off, she wondered briefly if it was possible to die of both pleasure and mortification simultaneously. She soon forgot the latter in favor of the former, that mysterious tension building much faster than before, rising higher and higher as it robbed her of her every faculty, her very breath. It crashed without warning, and she felt herself shattering, exploding into ribbons of heat and light like the earlier auroras. When the last wave of exaltation subsided, she found herself wrapped in Nathaniel's arms, feeling positively ruined in the best way she could have ever imagined… and yet, she still wanted more. She kissed him softly, her hand caressing his waistline.
"Tell me, nushe, do you still want for anything?" he murmured, delighting in the way her body rose to him as his hand brushed lovingly down her side and over the curve of her hip.
"I want these off," she breathed against his mouth, her fingers working at the button fly on his trousers. "I want you. I want you with me." She freed the last button and he stood briefly to shed the rest of his clothes, sending them to join hers on the floor. She watched the way his muscles moved beneath his skin in the dim lamplight as he came back to her, reaching for him and running her hands over all the places he had just uncovered; the crest of his hip and the hollow between it and his flat, firm abdomen, the lean strength of his thighs, and the smooth, warm hardness of his erection, the weight of it resting so close to where she wanted him. When she touched him there, her fingers wrapping gently around the silky flesh, he released a strangled groan, struggling to restrain the intense need coursing through him. He gently moved her hand and brought her body beneath him flush with his, marveling at the way her curves and lines fit so perfectly against him, the way the softness of her center cradled him as if she had been made for this, for him, and he wanted to be everything she deserved.
She wrapped her arms around him and lifted one slender leg over his hip, opening to him and urging him on. He kissed her long and deep, the hard ridge of him gliding lightly over her sensitive flesh until she was breathless and quivering. When he at last eased himself inside her he did so slowly and carefully, filling her so that the longing, empty ache she felt was replaced by only brief discomfort as her body adjusted and settled around him, and then a flooding awareness of pressure and sensation in places that brought entirely new pleasure. A low cry escaped her lips as he started to move, that now-familiar wildfire building in her once again as he found the rhythm that stoked its flame. The sweet friction of each deep, quickening thrust within her brought her closer to the brink, and she held him with her thighs and rocked against him, seeking its release, wanting to take him there with her. The power of it was almost too much until it finally broke, sweeping them both into a maelstrom of ecstasy and then leaving them exhausted and trembling in its wake, clinging to one another until their panting breaths and reeling senses stabilized again.
Nathaniel leaned on one elbow with Cora lying beside him, snuggled close to him. He gazed down at her, taking in her resplendent state; her hair fanned out on the pillow, her damp, glowing skin, her lush lips curved in a faint, satisfied smile and her eyes heavy-lidded and so full of tender veneration that he thought he could lose himself there forever. She watched him watching her, his body sated and relaxed, the glacier color of his bewitching eyes now smoky in the shadow of his dark lashes. She reached up and laid her hand on his face, the pad of her thumb tracing the chiseled hollow between his cheekbone and jaw.
"You are rather beautiful," she murmured, moving on to outline the wide, firm line of his lips. He smiled and leaned down to kiss her, slow and languid now compared to the urgent heat of before.
"I'm glad you think so, ntèhëm," he replied, kissing her again.
"What does that mean?" Cora tilted her head, looking at him inquisitively. She remembered that he had used that word when he called out to the sky earlier, and she had become too distracted by desire at the time to ask what it had all meant.
"It's Delaware. It… it means 'my heart'." The corner of his mouth lifted slightly, and she could have sworn he blushed a little in the low light of the oil lamp.
My heart? Curiosity piqued, she arched an eyebrow suspiciously. "And the rest?"
"Nushe means wife," he answered, his eyes shifting to the side. Cora squinted at him. He was definitely blushing now.
"That's lovely, but I was asking about what you said when we were outside." She brought him closer and brushed her lips across his, her fingers toying with the soft waves of his hair. "Will you tell me, or shall you be coy and keep it a secret?"
He laughed nervously, fingertips stroking across her hairline and down her cheek. The humor faded from him, and she was momentarily taken aback at how vulnerable he looked as he spoke.
"I said, 'Mother, listen! Do you hear me? This is my wife.'"
Tears pricked her eyes, and her chest filled with a sudden burst of affection. He had introduced her to his mother's spirit, and she wished she had understood then what he was doing. He cupped her jaw, his eyes glittering with that same clandestine thing she had seen there before. His voice was a whisper now, raw with emotion. "Ntèhëm. My heart. Nlehëlexeokàn. My life. Ntahola… I love her."
Cora's heart soared at this revelation, and the tears trembling on her lashes spilled over. Her arms wound around his neck and she pulled him down on top of her with a joyful sob, kissing him. "You said the night we married that you wouldn't… that I deserved to be with a man I loved." She held his face between her hands and stared up at him adoringly. "I didn't understand it then, but I know now that you have been that man from the beginning, and there is no one else for me. I want to be with you, Nathaniel. I love you, too."
He released a trembling sigh and she held him close as he kissed her tears away, tasting the saltiness on his lips when they caressed hers, slow and sweet and speaking silently of a lifetime filled with starry skies and quiet stories and never being lonely or abandoned again. She curled her body beside his, laying her head on his chest and listening to the sound of his heart beating as she began touching him delicately everywhere she could reach. Her fingers followed the map of muscular ridges beneath his skin, finding raised white scars here and there from a life spent outdoors, hunting and fishing and trapping, beholden to no one, and yet still more kind and gentle and civilized in some ways than most of the men she had known. She traced the lines of the tattoos on one forearm, the vertical lines extending from just below his elbow coming to points at his wrist above the double lines and dots that circled around it. Divergent paths eventually converging, not unlike the way she and he had come together from their different worlds. She picked up his hand, the edge of his palm and the last two knuckles dark with days-old bruising, pressing her lips to it and then letting go to continue her reconnaissance. She took note of his reaction at every place she touched him; a hum here, a gasp there, a tightening muscle, the telltale quickening of his heart and breath beneath her ear.
"Mmmm. What are you doing to me, nushe?" his voice was a low rumble in his chest where her head lay. She lifted it, a mischievous little smile curving her lips before she placed them on the hammering pulse under his shadowed jaw.
"I am learning," she stated, her tongue flicking against his skin there. "This is all very new to me, after all." She laid her hand over the raven tattoo above his heart and sighed. "And I suppose I am wondering what ever took us so long to get to this part of it all." She gasped and giggled when he suddenly changed positions, trapping her beneath one long leg, his arms resting on either side of her head with a triumphant grin that melted her.
"This is only the start. There is lost time to make up for, and I intend to show you every possible way I've dreamed of loving you," he promised her in that wicked, velvet voice that made her insides quiver. "Fast and hot…" His head dipped and his mouth captured hers, his tongue plundering briefly to illustrate his words. "Slow and easy…" he punctuated with a sensual brush of his lips. "And everything inbetween… there is nothing I would rather do more than spend a lifetime making love to my wife." His tongue licked across her lower lip and he drew it gently into his mouth, savoring the taste of her, the feel of her body and the way she responded to him with such passion.
"Then I suppose this means we aren't getting a divorce?" Cora teased breathlessly.
"No, we aren't getting a goddamned divorce," Nathaniel growled, promptly and thoroughly kissing that notion out of her mind. He stopped suddenly, remembering something, and moved away.
"Where are you going?" Cora looked confused when he got up, wrapping one of the wool blankets on the bed around his waist.
"I'll be right back," he assured her, hurrying out of the bedroom. He returned a moment later, another blanket draped over his arm and something else clasped in one hand. She was waiting for him with the bed sheet clutched around her torso to ward off the slight chill in the room without him beside her, and the sweetness of the sight made his stomach flutter.
"What are you up to?" Cora asked with a little smile, watching as he sat down on the mattress in front of her and unfolded the blanket. She recognized it then; it was the red and black Raven button blanket he had worn on their wedding day. He reached out and draped it over her shoulders, and she looked at him, her gaze questioning.
"My mother made it. One each for me and Uncas, ceremonial blankets for when we married," he told her quietly, gripping the edges at her collarbones to keep her close to him. "You're my wife now, in every sense." Cora's eyes glittered in the soft lamplight. Before she could reply to this, he took her left hand in his, slipping a band of walrus ivory onto her ring finger. She raised it to get a better look and saw that the surface was covered in lovely scrimshaw etching; a bird with a ball in its beak, a starburst of symbolized light at its center.
"Raven, stealing the sun," she whispered. The story he had first told her on the deck of the steamship, and the totem of his mother's clan.
"Just as you stole my heart, nushe." He smiled and lifted her hand to his lips. "I hoped when I made it that one day soon I would be able to give it to you for all the right reasons." Overcome, Cora wrapped her arms around his neck, drawing him to her and fervently pressing her mouth to his, enveloping them together in the warm cocoon of the wedding blanket.
"You stole my heart just as well, Nathaniel," she assured him between kisses. "And brought light to my world at its darkest."
He grinned and kissed her back, taking her down onto the mattress with him and imbibing her soft sighs as she surrendered utterly to him. His hands and mouth and body began to show her again all the ways he could steal her breath and her ability to think straight along with her very heart and soul, as he had evenly and quite happily traded his own to her.
"Be my asleep at last
Kiss me slow and hold me fast
Be my sail and be my mast
In the blue forever cast your love
Far from pain and past
Be my this one's meant to last
Be my I want nothing more
Pull the blinds and lock the door
Be my calm after the storm
In the winter wind my warm
Be my anchor be my moor
Pull my heart onto your shore
And I could be the one to make you see that you could be the one for me
If you could be the one to tell me true that I could be the one for you
Be my uncovering
Every colour opening
Be my gills and be my wings
I'll be queen to your king
And I will show you everything
A vow that doesn't need a ring
And I could be the one to make you see that love is all we'll ever need
If you could be the one to see it through see that I'm the one for you"
-Ruth Moody/The Wailin' Jennys-
Author's Note:
Can I just say that this is probably the world's longest love scene, ever. But after all the time Nathaniel and Cora spent waiting and worrying and being silly, they probably deserved to spend pretty much an entire chapter making up for it. They seem happy now, thank heavens. They've basically been jumping up and down in my head for months and months in anticipation of this chapter.
The Aurora Borealis! I had that idea ages ago, probably more than a year. Nome is far enough north that the Auroras are visible pretty often on dark, clear nights, but in the Arctic the sun doesn't set long enough to see them after April or so. That starts to change in late August, when the days get shorter again and it starts getting dark for three or four hours or longer. Since it's early September, it seemed like a viable time of year for the lights to make an appearance. I have no doubt Uncas and Alice got to see the show, too, but for obvious reasons I had to focus on Nathaniel and Cora. I have wanted to see the Auroras in person for most of my life, and have plans to do so in the near future. Last spring (February-April is prime Aurora-viewing season) while on lockdown, my husband and I found , where there is a live camera streaming at night from an Aurora observatory in Churchill, Manitoba, Canada, right in the auroral oval. I finally got to see the northern lights in real time then, and I remember one night in mid-April, seeing the show of a lifetime (the readers who follow my Tumblr may remember a time-lapse video of some of it). It was truly the most awe-inducing thing I've ever witnessed, and I can't even begin to imagine seeing that in real life as opposed to on camera. It only seemed fitting to let Nathaniel and Cora have this experience together, with all their night sky moments. Try as I might I could not find super-specific beliefs about the Auroras among the Haida, only the beliefs of Northwest coastal cultures in general. I really love the "Spirits are Dancing" concept, and it fit really well with the Lenape/Mohican story Nathaniel always tells about the stars.
Regarding Nathaniel's little speech when he talks to his mother, I wanted to explain why he spoke Delaware (Lenape) and not Haida, which is his mother's language. It stands to reason that all of them speak/spoke both languages, and since Nathaniel and his family don't currently live among the Haida, it stands to reason that they speak Lenape far more than they speak Haida. The main reason I went with Lenape is just that it is a much lovelier language on paper, and that scene needed a certain mood. Haida is a difficult language comparatively, with fewer resources to translate exactly what I wanted him to say correctly, and the words contain a ton of glottal stops and multiple vowels, so on paper it just didn't convey the feeling I wanted there. I was worried that the average reader would be distracted from the tenderness of that moment by trying to figure out what the heck he was saying, and I didn't want to translate it to English for you until later, because you (and Cora) were only supposed to guess at what he said at that point in time. Here is what the closest translation of that scene looks like in Haida, if you're at all curious:
"Awáa, hágw!" He suddenly called out to the vault above, stopping in mid-spin. "Kíl gw dáng gudáng? Áaji jáa'ang." He pulled Cora closer, still holding her hands, and gazed down at her, his knuckles grazing her cheek and tender passion glowing in his eyes, mirroring the sky. "K'úugang. Xíinanggaanang. 'Léi íik díi jaagwáalgaagang."
I had a few people read it both ways, and the general consensus was that Delaware read better and didn't mess with the romance. I also can translate to Delaware much more reliably and be confident that I'm not butchering a language that isn't mine, and that is always a factor too.
So now we'll see what the future brings, now that Nathaniel and Cora seem to have figured out their issues. It remains to be seen what will happen with Duncan, where the main characters will end up if they leave Nome, and what Alice and Uncas will do about their situation. Stay tuned, and thank you all profusely and from the bottom of my heart for your love and patience. Specifically MohawkWoman and BlueSaffire for helping me sort out my own ennui with writer's block and insecurity over losing my mojo for a while and just being lovely friends in general. MedicineGal815, who helped drag me through my COVID experience with lots of friendship and good advice. NotMarge, who is probably not reading this but might someday, whose PMs bring such humor and wisdom and understanding. EmoryRose, ConBird, Calliste9, HearthWitch81, and anyone I may have unintentionally left out, thank you for your encouragement and assurance that you will wait patiently (if not excitedly) for new chapters, even when I'm overwhelmingly slow with progress. I'd have given up long ago if not for every single person who reads, follows, favorites, comments, gives kudos, and just supports in general. No matter how small it seems to you, it's everything to me.
Music Inspirations for this chapter:
1. Cora and Nathaniel talk on the porch: "If I Go, I'm Goin'" Gregory Alan Isakov (do yourself a favor and listen to him if you never have)
2. Nathaniel kisses Cora at last: "'The Kiss' (From Last of the Mohicans)" The Cairn String Quartet (love this version of it)
3. Aurora Borealis: "All the Stars" The Wailin' Jennys
4. Love scene: "Venus" Joy Williams
5. Aftermath/the wedding ring: "Asleep At Last" The Wailin' Jennys