A/N: The couple go to a house viewing...

Chapter Thirty Three

Selling Points and Proving Drawers

Saturday morning came and there was no sudden case to whisk them away so the pair could view the house Derek had found for them, a reserved excitement in each of them as they could very well be seeing their future home for the first time but had to not get their hopes up. They'd spied a couple of other properties that were suitable but hadn't jumped out at them, just lots of browsing through listings and and Penelope doing her house window shopping too, but Derek had seemed pretty sure the place he was recommending would hit the spot.

On the drive to the property viewing Spencer sat in the passenger side, both men looking forward to it while being very cautious, it was a big decision after all, and they'd discussed a few things while cuddled in bed earlier to look out for in the house, especially as they wanted to find a house Roxy would love too. Near the house Spencer felt his phone vibrate and both felt themselves pause a moment, wondering if it would be a case swooping in at the last second but with a sigh of relief the genius chirped "it's Morgan" with a smile.

Opening the text message he read 'hope u like the house, I think it's perfect but remember wallpaper can change! :P' and Spencer read it out loud for Luke to hear and then added "I guess the previous owners might have had some styling issues."

Luke shrugged keeping his eyes on the road "how bad can it be?" and Spencer decided to reply and find out.

Texting back Reid sent 'I notice you've only mentioned any of this last minute? How bad is it?' and waited a moment before his phone went off again and he read aloud "he says 'you'll see, but when I saw it there was still furniture - think fire engine red couches and yellow and black polkadot curtains. I don't wanna use the word tacky but I just did…'" Spencer chuckled and tried to consider what kind of mess they were heading to see.

Luke was still smiling "like he said, wallpaper can change - I actually wouldn't mind a bit of a project and get the paint out so long as the foundation is solid…in the meantime it could be really funny to see" he looked on the bright side, there was something entertaining about seeing poor choices and bold aesthetics so long as there weren't negative consequences "but if I see an avocado bathroom it's the first thing to go" he warned.

"Really? the 70s vibe not doing it for you?" Spencer teased sarcastically, "hey…what if we like it, tacky and all?" Spencer joked.

"Then we get our eyes checked…" Luke said with a smirk "or we lean in to it and purposefully buy awful furniture."

"Install all avocado bathrooms…" Spencer joked and Luke just shook his head looking nauseous at the very thought.

When they arrived to the property it looked lovely from the outside, tall windows and a porch already charming and despite the time of year and the weather still chilly they could see the small front yard had multiple large shrubs and planters around ready and waiting for spring to wake them up. The garage looked spacious from what they could tell and the whole neighbourhood looked friendly and well kept, they'd passed some dog walkers and kids playing in their yards which added to the wholesome feel of the area, and the welcoming stone path to the front door was all too easy to walk down, hand in hand.

Quickly the front door opened to the woman who would be showing them around and she immediately shook Luke's hand and he made sure to mention that Spencer doesn't shake hands on his behalf making it easier for her respond in good time with a smile. She was petite but her body language was confident so she appeared strong and active to the eye as she introduced herself as Rey, she was a cheery lady, rather fashionable in appearance and she made a point of remembering their names in good customer service.

Upon entering the house they were met with high ceilings and a light, airy porch complete with a small adjoining cloakroom which they liked, and for a moment they figured Derek might have been overdramatic until they got a proper view of the open hallway. Size and design wise in regards to the house it was lovely…the problem was the decoration. Gaudy, thick horizontal purple and white stripes ran down the hallway like it was a rejected set piece from Tron and both men just turned to each other trying to not overreact around the lovely woman doing her best as she spoke about all the amenities and about the heating and electrics of the building.

Letting out a silent wow at the decor the pair were walked though the hallway to see the ample storage and into the living room, which somehow was worse with its off-yellow walls patterned with blowsy blue floral patterns throughout in such a mismatched tone it was almost like an optical illusion that combined to make them feel the room was greenish. But it was spacious and the windows letting lots of light in and the fireplace was a lovely warm tone. There were no polkadot curtains or bright red sofas to magnify it but they were sure Derek had gotten quite the eyesore of a sight from his visit, the idea of making the room tackier almost comical. What was worse was how fresh and professionally updated everything was, these weren't outdated or lazily left on the walls - someone had chosen them.

Doing their best to see past the icky colour combination they appreciated the hardwood floors and large windows leading what appeared to be a garden and patio. The stairs were large and luckily there was no tackiness to be found with them or any of the first bathroom they saw, the more practical elements having been left untouched by the previous owners' questionable taste. This also spared the kitchen, thankfully, which was bright and pale in colour, the whole place so light and airy, chic actually in the finer details complete with some in built appliances and an island with space for breakfast stools.

"This is a beautiful kitchen" Luke said out loud making Rey nod before replying as she walked around opening cabinets and showing off the assets of the room "I'm glad you think so, the owners were this close to remodelling but I think this design is far more…palatable" she said trying her best to be polite, she too well in the know of the home's odd aesthetic and as the men exchanged a knowing look with her they had to stifle a laugh but nodded, conveying they weren't scared off.

Better yet was when Spencer eyed the stove and appliances and whispered to Luke "the stove has a proving drawer" with a smile and Luke chuckled.

"I'll have to learn to make bread, huh?" Luke half-joked though he was a little curious about giving it a go, under Spencer's supervision of course.

The kitchen lead to a small utility room which had a door to the small basement space, the kitchen also had a pantry with plenty of shelving and the sense of relief over both of them was strong as they saw that the decorating thus far was easy enough even if direly required. They were then lead into the dining room, making nice conversation with their guide as they were shown the next hideous paint job, how anyone managed to eat their food in a room that was so busy with red all around except for one feature wall with large black polkadots on white was beyond them. Neither could hide their expressions as they viewed the room, worse yet was that the ceiling light still had the owner's lampshade on it which was a lime green fabric with shells dangling from it.

It was impossible not to laugh, they tried to stay quiet by covering their mouths but they were merely human and the whole thing seemed designed like a prank, for a moment Reid genuinely considered that Derek had done it on purpose just to make him experience how awful it could be but alas this was really someone's idea of style. Rey looked at them with a polite smile, taking it in stride before calling it out "obviously once the house is purchased the place is easy enough to redecorate to your own tastes" she encouraged, likely in her job told never to bad talk the property but instead highlight the ease of improvement opportunities if needed.

"Of course, the house itself is lovely" Spencer replied with a smile, finally getting his giggles under control though Luke was still working through his "some paint and our own touches I'm sure it would be great" and with that they continued on to the sunroom, it was mostly bare given the nature of it and the hardwood floor was lovely. Having finished the downstairs Rey decided they should see the garden before taking to the stairs and when they reached the patio they took in the large back yard with plenty of lawn and the shed by the tall fence.

"Nice height on that fence, Roxy's quite the high jumper" Luke said with a fondness, easily able to imagine the happy pooch running about and playing fetch, and already he wanted her to have her own garden to play in so badly now that it was becoming a very near reality. The deck was well made and a dark wood, but what caught his eye was along the fence on the left side were a series of raised beds with various plants inside, "do you know what's planted already?" he asked Rey.

She said "I know the tree there is a dwarf cherry blossom" she said and it was the most lively thing in the garden given the time of year, it was near the bottom of the garden and around some other evergreens and it occurred to them that if they took the place they'd get to see them flower as spring rolled in. "There are some rose bushes and clematis climb the frames you can see over by the fences" she pointed out and indeed there were some panels against parts of the fences for the climbing plants to grow around when the warmer weather came. "As for the beds I can't say, I believe it's mostly a fruit patch but don't quote me on that, I can call the owners if you'd like?" she offered and they politely declined, happy to leave it be and she continued "they aren't taking any plants with them to their new place so they're there to keep or throw away as you please."

Heading upstairs they already caught a glimpse of the upper hallway and both men exchanged a set of amused and grimacing smiles as they got closer and closer to the styled mess of an upper floor. The landing's walls were painted a lemon yellow, which was tolerable, except for the fuchsia pink tropical leaf patterns splattered all over the walls and gold outlines on the leaves which added a shiny element to the whole thing. "Wow…" Spencer whispered, the woman far enough ahead of them not to hear "I'm no fashion guru but I feel like I can taste the walls and it's definitely a cocktail" he joked and Luke started laughing, nodding in total understanding.

"Yeah…one that gets garnished with a tiny bit of mint to make it fancy" he added with a grin and both reached the top of the stairs to see Rey ready to present the rest of the house to them. "How about we start with the guest rooms" she said and gestured down the hall and walked with them opening to one guest room which had built in closets on one side complete with mirrors in the doors which was nice but the reflective material only emphasised the black and white Beetlejuice-like stripes of the walls. Again the light shade was left in the room and it was an odd copper coloured metallic spiral with clear panels in it, allowing light to hit the walls in off patterns that only made the room even busier.

Due to the darkness of the room's colours and bold stripes it was hard to see but the room was a fair size and would make a lovely guest room once painted over. So caught up in the bizarre nature of the decorations they were caught a little off guard by the sudden question from Rey "will there be any children moving with you?" she asked in a friendly tone. Luke was so unprepared and he answered with a mindless "not yet" and he heard the words as they left his lips and felt beyond ridiculous, they'd literally only been together a few months and he'd just dropped, however accidentally, a 'yet' around the notion of children.

His face heated up a little in embarrassment but no one noticed, especially as without missing a beat the woman said "well if you do in future there are excellent nearby schools and bus routes, equally if you like to entertain there are plenty of local bars and restaurants as well as…" and she trailed on about the local area, happy to meet their needs and both were impressed with her ability to sell. Luke wasn't listening so much, instead he noted how Spencer didn't flinch or look at him oddly, the idea of a 'yet' not instantly objectionable or a bump in the road and it was interesting. The idea was a while off definitely, if ever, but it wasn't rejected in their long term future instantly.

As they moved to the other guest room any inner thoughts or feeling that they were ready to face the gaudiness that could be thrown at them, Rey's expression even a silent warning before she opened the door and both froze at the cat-astrophe of a room. Inside was a wild cat themed square room, one orange wall was covered in large tiger stripes, another two had cheetah spots but every marking had a reflective satin finish and the last wall had a full decal around the window of a jungle and waterfall, the material glossy and beyond tacky. Whole new level tacky. Tackiest that tacky could ever tack.

"Please tell me that decal is easy to remove?" Spencer asked Luke who was easily the more experienced in handiwork.

Luke chuckled at the genius' horror stricken face by the small wonder of a room and nodded "yeah, don't worry" with a smile "takes patience but we'd be filling in and painting what's under it anyway" he reassured and they both found it difficult to imagine the room as anything other than the travesty in front of them. A 'this cannot be unseen' scenario. In a disturbing form of Stockholm Syndrome they found it difficult to leave the odd room, hypnotised by its mind boggling taste-level until they could finally, numbly walk away.

Across the hall was the den and this was one of the things they were intrigued by, looking passed whatever odd choices would have been made the room was going to be a place where a lot of work was done and therefore at its base needed to be functional. When they entered it was the only carpeted room so far and it was a greyish-purple, not faded by age, an odd tone purposefully chosen by the previous occupants but the windows were what caught the eye, the only windows to protrude outward in an elegant shape and a seat had been custom fitted under each of them in a cozy manner. The room also had a fireplace, in an antique-bronze colour and one wall was entirely shelved in a dark wood but a similar antique edge or leafing and it was strangely charming.

The walls were a rich navy for the most part, which between the antique-bronze sections and the darker tones were actually rather fitting, the only issue was the muted purples in the room with the awful carpet and one statement purple wall. "Huh" Spencer said, not entirely sure if he liked parts of it or if he was just so impacted by the other rooms that this one seemed utterly tame by comparison. Luke smiled, having a similar puzzling series of thoughts as his boyfriend did and took in the general ambiance of the place, also the lovely view from the windows to the garden just added to whole feel of the place.

"The carpet and a lick of paint is easy enough, it's nice" Luke said and the pair enjoyed their knowing glance, they'd actually found a part that was decorated they liked overall and that was no small feat.

The den had another door which opened to stairs leading to the attic, and while it needed work it was a perfectly fine area for storage maybe even a future conversion. Despite the whole oddness of the place it really was a beautiful property and the more they looked around the more they were starting to see their lives in it, where Roxy's dog bed would go, how Spencer's vast book collection would fill up the shelves with ease and then some. The final stop on the house tour was the master bedroom and again they steeled themselves for something tacky, but were ready to see the room's potential not just aesthetically but in their future home.

Entering the bedroom the first thing they were met with was an overbearing orange paint job, like the whole place was meant to be on alert for something, how anyone relaxed around the energetic colour they couldn't understand. But beyond that there was yet another decal on the opposite wall from the door this time of silhouetted trees in a forest and while it wasn't nearly as awful as the 'wild cat room' combining it with the colours made them think of forest fires which was anything but soothing.

Beyond that however the dark wood floors were lovely and there was plenty of wall space, the room was also the only other one at the same side of the house next to the den and it had the same outward windows except this time the frame reached the floor making way to a small balcony. Before they ventured out there they were shown the ensuite with a walk in shower big enough to fit both at once easily, Luke noted in his head cheekily, and then there was a small walk in closet too. With a new paint job the room would be great and it wasn't hard to imagine just where things would go or what furniture needed bought, the idea of doing up the house actually feeling like a fun project now they knew it was all decorative and nothing fundamental needing changed.

Rey kindly gave them a moment alone to chat and they found themselves smiling at each other in the really brightly coloured room, Luke fondly took Spencer's hand in his and lead them onto the balcony. It was just large enough to maybe put a couple of chairs and a small table but it was also perfectly nice to just stand there looking out and while they could see plenty the high fences and strategic planting of trees in the neighbourhood kept things private. Both leaned on the railing and felt the chilled air whistling past them, playing with the genius' messy locks and both men's scarves, something so still standing where they were in comfortable company.

"So…" Luke said with a smile "what do you think?" he asked pretty sure of the answer and placed his own hand over Spencer's on the railing, his thumb caressing it sweetly.

"I think it's the most hideous and yet perfect thing I've ever been wiling to spend so much money on" Spencer said with a glint in hazel eyes as both felt themselves already growing attached to it and seeing what it could become. Both chuckled and Luke nodded in agreement.

"What a great way to put it" he replied "so, we making an offer?" he checked and guided Spencer into a soft hug facing each other.

Spencer smiled and said a soft "I'd like to…but I'm not the one who will be heading the Anti-Tacky Taskforce" he teased.

"I'm ready for duty, cariño" Luke said and raised one hand to salute before both just found themselves giggling and amongst the silliness stole an innocent kiss and a hug.

Quote: "She could've overlooked the level of tackiness if the tackiness was also tactful.
Which it was not."

― Mandy Ashcraft, Small Orange Fruit