TITLE: break my cage and spread my wings
SUMMARY: Everyone called the Titanic the 'Ship of Dreams', but for Aziraphale, it was the ship of nightmares, carrying her away from her home in England, and her dreams of freedom, and towards the bleak future of her arranged marriage in America. The only spark of light in the darkness is her new and tentative friendship with the boldly intimate Crowley.
AO3 TAGS: Alternate Universe - Titanic Fusion, Ineffable Wives (Good Omens), POV Aziraphale (Good Omens), Human Aziraphale (Good Omens), Female Aziraphale (Good Omens), Rose Dewitt Bukater Aziraphale (Good Omens), Human Crowley (Good Omens), Female Crowley (Good Omens), Male-Presenting Crowley (Good Omens), Female-Presenting Crowley (Good Omens), Jack Dawson Crowley (Good Omens), Caledon Hockley Gabriel (Good Omens), Ruth Dewitt Bukater Michael (Good Omens), Arranged Marriage, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Flirting, Teasing, Smooth Crowley (Good Omens), Protective Crowley (Good Omens), Hand Holding, Dancing, Touching, Neck Kissing, Light Angst, Temporary Break Up, First Kiss, Kissing, Gentle Kissing, Naked Female Clothed Female, Naked Aziraphale (Good Omens), Insecure Aziraphale (Good Omens), Virgin Aziraphale (Good Omens), First Time, Top Crowley (Good Omens), Bottom Aziraphale (Good Omens), Cunnilingus, Vaginal Fingering, Tribadism, more tags to come (probably), tags only look scary because of all the '(Good Omens)' additives (set by AO3 not me)
Chapter Twelve: Draw Me Like One of Your Renaissance Girls
Chapter Summary: "It's okay to feel insecure, angel."
Chapter AN: It's been 84 years since my last update.
1912 April 14, Sunday - Day 5 (Part Six)
When Aziraphale finally emerged from her room, dressed only in a thin robe that had her shivering, the fainting couch had been moved, centered in the room and in front of a single chair. A chair occupied by Crowley, who had divested herself of her overcoat and hung it over the arm of the chair, and who was shaving the end of a stick of charcoal. Skin prickling with heat and embarrassment, Aziraphale lingered at the edge of the room, and she might have continued to do so if Crowley hadn't noticed her.
They stared at one another for a long moment, and then Crowley slowly rose from her chair, setting her tools portfolio aside. It was then that Aziraphale realized that Crowley had not only rolled up her sleeves, but she'd also pushed her suspenders from her shoulders letting her hang down around her thighs. The sight of Crowley so… undone made Aziraphale feel strange. If only because there was something so indescribably alluring about the lackadaisical nature of Crowley's state of dress.
Crowley approached Aziraphale slowly, as if she were a skittish doe about to bolt, hands held out and steps slow, and Aziraphale didn't feel too far from one. She almost had to hold herself still as Crowley slunk up to her and carefully took her hands but it was the way Crowley smiled down at her that finally made Aziraphale feel at ease.
"I like your hair down," Crowley said, reaching up to touch the mass of curls pulled over Aziraphale's shoulder.
"Thank you," Aziraphale said, a bit surprised. Her hair had been mostly a hassle most of her life, too curly and too fluffy to style, and despite her mother's frequent complaints about its lack of malleability, she refused to let Aziraphale get anything more than a trim. Apparently hair as 'short' as Crowley's was only for the lower class.
Crowley hummed, her head tilting as she ran her fingers through Aziraphale's hair. Her black lacquered nails scraped across Aziraphale's scalp and something about the sensation made her shiver and tilt her head into Crowley's hand. A hand which paused, almost cupped at the base of her skull, before Crowley dark eyes slid slowly to Aziraphale. The unexpected response and equally unexpected intense gaze made her face feel warm, and she cleared her throat as she took a tiny step back.
"How- um, how do you want me?" she asked, her voice pitched higher than normal in her embarrassment.
Crowley's mouth opened, and then closed without her making a sound, something she did several times before she finally looked away, looking a little pink in the face as she ruffled the hair at the back of her head.
It took Aziraphale a moment to realize what she'd said, how it could be taken, and then her own face went up in flames. "I mean-" she started and then stopped, no words coming to her rescue. "Oh dear," she mumbled, hiding her face in her hands.
Crowley laughed, a little breathlessly, and curled her fingers around Aziraphale's wrists, tugging on her arms until Aziraphale let them fall. "For now, I want you on the bed- the couch," Crowley corrected hastily, but it was already fuel to the blaze of heat in Aziraphale's cheeks, and it seemed to turn even Crowley's ears pink. Crowley cleared her throat and jerked her head towards the fainting couch. "C'mon," she said, pulling Aziraphale forward.
It wasn't far away, only a few feet, but with every step, Aziraphale's heart seemed to beat harder until she thought it would break out of her chest. Crowley let go of her wrists when they stopped moving, and Aziraphale moved her hands to the lapels of her thin silk robe, but she froze there, her knuckles brushing the heavy weight of the necklace. She looked up at Crowley and Crowley looked down at her, and then Crowley was tracing over the backs of Aziraphale's hands with her fingertips.
"May I?" she asked. There was no expectation in her voice, nor demand, only calm patience, and it helped calm Aziraphale's heart a little. She nodded and forced herself to let go of her lapels, let her hands fall limp to her sides, though every part of her body felt tense as she waited.
Aziraphale didn't realize that she'd squeezed her eyes shut until she felt a kiss against the corner of her mouth and hadn't seen it coming. Her eyes snapped open and she found Crowley smiling softly at her, the corners of her eyes crinkled. This time, Aziraphale was ready when Crowley bent down again, and Aziraphale rose to meet the soft touch of her mouth. Crowley kissed her softly again, chastely again, over and over and over, until Aziraphale was nearly desperate for a more intimate kiss.
She reached out and her hands found Crowley waist and her fingers fisted in the loose, coarse fabric where it draped away from the minimal swell of her breasts. Aziraphale gave a light tug, and tipped her chin further up, even parted her lips a little in a wordless plea, but Crowley only smiled as she pressed another close-mouthed, soft kiss upon Aziraphale's eager mouth.
Hands pressed to the sides of her ribs and Aziraphale sucked in a breath, but Crowley didn't stop kissing her so Aziraphale forced herself to relax. It didn't take long, and the tip of both index fingers traced a crescent under each breast as they moved towards one another, before following the line of her sternum up the center of her bosom before splitting towards her collarbones. Somewhere along the way, the gentle, calloused point of Crowley's fingers slipped under Aziraphale's gown, and Crowley slowly pushed the silk from Aziraphale's shoulders, replacing it with the warm weight of her palms.
The silk gathered in the crook of Aziraphale's elbows, halted in its fall by her death grip on Crowley's shirt. There was a shift of movement in the body in front of her, the feeling that Crowley was going to step back, but with Aziraphale's knuckles brushing Crowley's tapered waist, her courage suddenly waved.
"Wait."
Crowley stopped immediately, even stepped back into Aziraphale's space, resting her forehead against Aziraphale's. It gave Aziraphale an excuse not to open her eyes, to have Crowley's face that close, and she was more than happy to use it, even if it was an excuse she only told herself.
"What's wrong?" Crowley asked, her voice low. Her fingers laced together at the back of Aziraphale's neck, her thumbs rubbing at the tension in the sides of Aziraphale's neck. "Do you want to stop?"
"I'm…" Aziraphale started and then trailed off, a little afraid to let her insecurities off her tongue. "I'm not like you, Crowley," she finally said.
"Oh?" Crowley sounded more amused than Aziraphale would have liked. Which was zero amusement. "How do you mean? Redhead?"
Aziraphale huffed out a breath despite herself. "No."
"Hmmm… You're not queer?" Crowley guessed, mischievousness back in her voice.
Aziraphale's face felt too hot as she shook her head.
"You're nooot…-"
"I'm not slim like you, Crowley," Aziraphale blurted out, her face burning.
"I had noticed we had different shapes," Crowley said, her voice wry enough that it made Aziraphale wish she'd gone up in flames. It would have been simpler.
"I mean-"
"I know what you mean," Crowley cut in, not unkindly. She paused for a moment before speaking again, her voice soft in the self-imposed darkness between them. Well, darkness for Aziraphale. She was a coward who couldn't face looking Crowley in the eye, but she had no idea if Crowley was looking at her and she had no intention of finding out.
"Would you like to know a secret, angel?"
Aziraphale nodded.
"While I'm guessing your mother did everything she could to get you to lose weight short of tying you to the bed and refusing to feed you-"
Aziraphale bit her lip, her stomach flipping at the memory of her mother doing just that.
"-my mother couldn't fatten me up if God herself fed me from Her hand. She tried everything she could to get me to put on weight, and the more she tried, the more I came to hate food. I didn't, before her, and I didn't hate my body until she tried to change it." Crowley's voice took on a bitter note that made Aziraphale shift in discomfort, and she gathered her courage to flatten her hands on Crowley's waist, to slide them around to the small of her back and lace her fingers, a mirror of Crowley's hands around the back of her neck. "It was one of the reasons - one of the many reasons - I ran away. Please believe me when I say that many people are unhappy with their bodies, the large, the small, everything in between. Even I'm unhappy with my body from time to time."
"It almost beggars belief," Aziraphale muttered, feeling almost nauseous from the similarities in Crowley's confession versus the troubles she's had with her own mother, if only in reverse.
"Then I pose you this: If I were to disrobe, would you like me any less, once you saw what I look like as God made me?" Crowley asked.
Aziraphale jerked back, surprised enough to open her eyes and look Crowley in the face, feeling a little affronted, a little hurt. "Of course not!" she exclaimed, a little insulted, that Crowley would think so little of her that her affections would fade just because of the way Crowley looked beneath her clothes.
Crowley smiled and her head dipped closer. "Then why would you think I was any different?"
Oh.
Even as Aziraphale was feeling hurt that Crowley might think so little of her, she had been doing the same to Crowley, laying her own insecurities on the other woman, and in turn, hurting her as Aziraphale had felt hurt. She bowed her head. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay to feel insecure, angel," Crowley said against the top of her head. "Everyone does. Even the women in my drawings. Even the men."
Aziraphale slowly looked up. "Really?" she asked, her voice almost embarrassingly small.
"Promise," Crowley said, and drew an X over her heart with a finger. "I also promise I'll love the way you look, clothed or not."
"You can't promise that," Aziraphale said, shaking her head in rejection. Her face was feeling too hot again.
"I can guarantee it," Crowley said earnestly, bringing one of her hands forward to use a crooked finger to tilt Aziraphale's head up. Her eyes caught Aziraphale's and didn't let go. "But I also promise that we can stop whenever you want for any reason. Okay?"
Aziraphale searched Crowley's expression for a long moment, even though she already knew her answer. She'd known her answer since the moment she'd asked Crowley to draw her, but it was still comforting to see the conviction on Crowley's face, her emotions naked for Aziraphale's perusal.
"Okay," Aziraphale whispered, and Crowley pressed a soft, chaste kiss to her lips.
With a deep breath, Aziraphale stepped backwards out of Crowley's arms and dropped her own to her sides, finally letting the silk caught at her elbows fall to the floor like a cloud around her feet. Unable to find the courage to watch Crowley look at her, Aziraphale squeezed her eyes shut and held herself as rigid as stone to keep herself falling to the instinctive need to cover her nakedness.
"You are… gorgeous," Crowley breathed, so worshipfully that Aziraphale had to look.
Crowley was reaching toward her, and Aziraphale held her breath, though she couldn't have said if it was in fear or anticipation. But Crowley merely settled her hands at the bottom of her ribs where her waist tapered. Thumbs swept gently up towards her breasts and back down without making contact, and the teasing touch electrified her.
"I could look at you all day, angel," Crowley murmured.
"Really?" Aziraphale asked as Crowley hands began to move up her ribs, past her breasts without touching them, until she was gently encouraging Aziraphale's arms up. Aziraphale rose them obediently, and Crowley draped them over her own shoulders until Aziraphale was embracing Crowley the way Crowley had been embracing her before Aziraphale's crisis of courage.
"Mhm," Crowley hummed, letting her hands fall to the dip at the small of Aziraphale's back. "I would go so far as to say you're as glorious as the heavens."
"Now you're teasing me," Aziraphale accused, heat flooding her face.
"Maybe a little," Crowley said with a grin and a shrug of one shoulder. "But that doesn't mean that I mean it any less."
Aziraphale opened her mouth but nothing came to her and she closed it again, eyes falling from Crowley's gaze. Only, they fell to Crowley's mouth, and suddenly all Aziraphale could think was that she wanted to kiss it again. She glanced up and found Crowley simply watching her, watching Aziraphale as if Crowley was waiting for something, and Aziraphale dropped her eyes again. Crowley licked her lips and, as her tongue started to retract, Aziraphale followed after it, hungry for the taste of Crowley's mouth again.
Her lips were still soft, still warm against Aziraphale's, and they opened for her, let her taste the sweetness of Crowley's tongue. Crowley met her hunger head-on, licked into Aziraphale's mouth like she felt the same hunger. The world shifted around them and Aziraphale held on tighter as she was tipped backwards, bore down to a soft surface. Her nakedness was covered with the comforting weight of Crowley's body, her legs falling open to cradle Crowley's slimness between them.
Gentle hands caressed her sides, swept softly up her belly, past the swell of her breasts, ignoring the way they ached for touch. Fingers traced the lines of her arms down to her wrists, circling them and pulling Aziraphale's arms free from behind Crowley's neck. As much as Aziraphale yearned to prolong the touch, she wanted to please Crowley, and she let her wrists be pushed above her head, pressed into the softness of pillows.
Crowley pulled away from her slowly, the coarseness of her clothes dragging on Aziraphale's sensitive skin, making her arch into the lean line of Crowley's body. Her desperation was gently hushed, and Crowley's hands lingered on her body, dragging down her belly and over her thighs, down her legs before finally pulling away from her ankles. Aziraphale's eyes slipped open, half-lidded, and in the dim light, she found Crowley on all fours over her, her eyes black as night, her hair a halo of fire.
Aziraphale reached up to touch a lock but Crowley stopped her, pushing her hand back to the pillow. "No, stay just like this," she said, her voice hushed. "This is how you deserve to be drawn."
"Is that a good thing?" Aziraphale replied, her voice just as quiet, as if speaking any louder would break the intimate atmosphere between them.
Crowley's grin was almost manic in the light as she dipped down to kiss Aziraphale again, but she kept it regretfully short. "Oh angel, you have no idea."
She pulled back slowly, adjusting Aziraphale's body to her liking as she got up until she finally stood, leaving Aziraphale with one foot on the couch and one barely touching the floor. It left her feeling embarrassingly exposed and Aziraphale's instinctive reaction was to pull her legs together, but Crowley's hands were resting on her knees, a gentle suggestion.
"Don't move," Crowley said again, drawing back, letting her fingers linger. "Don't open your eyes all the way, but keep them on me."
"Okay," Aziraphale whispered, wary of moving out of the position Crowley had gone to the effort of placing her in. She breathed in deeply, feeling the weight of the necklace as her lungs expanded, reminding her how she'd even come to be in this situation.
Crowley didn't look away from her as she backed up to the chair she'd pulled in front of the fainting couch. She didn't look away until after she'd sat down, when she'd reached for her portfolio and her charcoal. She set the stick to paper and glanced up at Aziraphale. "Now, just try to stay as still as you can," she said. And then she began to draw.
Aziraphale's heart felt like it was trying to beat out of her ribcage - she had been right, being the focus of Crowley's artistic gaze was even more intense, more intimate, than it usually was. She felt so exposed, so vulnerable, Crowley's eyes burning her every time they flickered up from her work. She could almost feel them like the gentle touch of Crowley's hands, sweeping over her face, her breasts, the place where she ached between her parted thighs. With every glance, the ache got stronger, until it became a dull throb, an echo of her heartbeat, pounding harder and harder until it beat like a drum, drowning out her heart.
As she lay there, for the first time in her life, Aziraphale wondered what it would be like to be taken. For the first time in her life, Aziraphale ached to be taken. For Crowley to take her.
It was terrifying.
TBC
*Princess Bride voice* "Since the invention of Titanic (movie), there have been three scenes that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one is the most famous. The End."
(this is not actually the last chapter)
Update next Sometime and don't forget to toss reblog to your Writer (themadkatter13fanfiction tumblr, post / 190591686323)~