A/N: A random update. A 15 minute adventure. A GinTae fan, starved for content, pouring the sand from his head to create... THIS:

Gintoki awoke to the feeling of drowning.

Sputtering and coughing, he attempted to breath through a shock of stale water, feeling a lot of it enter his nose and ears. His eyes darted around, but could only see darkness through the tufts of his now soaked hair. He attempted to wipe the hair and water from his face, but found his arms unresponsive. A familiar, dry burn was felt around his wrists; a sensation he recognized through lots of experience being tied up. He attempted to kick his feet out, but found that they were also bound to his current wooden chair.

Heavy footsteps on wet concrete sounded from all directions. Somewhere, an empty bucket was dropped. The sound echoed against the walls. A deep, unrecognizable voice chuckled.

"Sakata Gintoki," the voice rumbled. "How I've longed for this moment…"

Ah, geez. Another Villain of the Week looking for revenge…

Gintoki spat the remnants of the dirty water out of his mouth, still trying to see through the darkness around him.

"So? What're we doing here? Are you a fan? Do you want an autograph?"

A rough, leathery hand hammered into his cheek, giving him immediate whiplash. Gintoki grit his teeth as he felt blood pooling on the inside of his mouth.

"Not a fan, huh?" Gintoki coughed.

"Still cracking wise, Shiroyasha? Heh," the deep voice said with a snort. "Nothing changes. You're still a fool, only alive through luck."

The footsteps echoed around him until he could feel the presence of his assailant right in front of him.

The same rough hand reached forward and roughly grabbed Gintoki's face between massive, inhuman fingers.

A second hand pushed his hair out of his eyes, finally affording him a look at his captor.

Yellow, reptilian eyes glared at him in the darkness, practically glowing with malevolence. Gintoki could not recognize this creature, but it was clearly some kind of large, crocodile-like Amanto.

Even in the monster's vice grip, Gintoki couldn't help but sigh. He had slain so many Amanto over the years that there was no way he would be able to remember this particular dirtbag's grudge.

Things aren't looking too good…

"Recognize me now?" the Amanto growled, moving his snout side to side.

"Uhh… Kobayashi-kun? It's Kobayashi-kun, right?" Gintoki tried.

Stars exploded in the man's eyes as the reptile cuffed him on the ear.

"Always with your jokes…" His captor seethed. "I'm sure you won't be so smug once I hand you over to the Harusame."

Gintoki frowned. "Come on. The Harusame? How many times do I have to deal with those guys? Besides, aren't they dissolved? Stop living in the past."

"We're not dead yet, Samurai," he growled. "Piracy and grudges don't end so easily. We'll be with you for a long, long time."

A few more laughs sounded from behind him, but he still couldn't turn around. Someone had thrown a cup at his shoulder, hitting his back and splashing him with an unknown liquid.

"You bastards! You'd better finish me now, because when I get free, I'm turning you into a pair of boots, you piece of sh-"

The large amanto slapped him again, causing Gintoki to bite his tongue as his head rocked backwards.

Sonuva…

He spat a glob of blood. His cheek was throbbing and his vision was blurred. It was like being hit with a bagful of bricks.

Maybe it's time to stop talking.

"Pathetic," the Amanto judged, voice laden with contempt. "Maybe I should just kill you now and hand your rotting carcass over to the bosses. I'm sure they'd understand. It's a fitting death for such a pathetic Samurai."

Gintoki let his head droop, too dazed to even consider escaping. His thoughts were a jumble, even more so after the beatings. This was definitely not the ending he had envisioned for himself.

"Sword," he heard the alien call. A shuffle of footsteps beside him, an underling, no doubt, closed in on them.

"I'm sorry, guys…" he whispered as consciousness began to fade. Vermillion. Brown. Pink. Colors swirled in his mind, gradually growing darker. He struggled to focus on the sensation of his fingers twitching against the rope binding his wrists; a last act of defiance as everything turned to black.

Something hot splashed onto his cheek. A rich, coppery smell filled his nose.

His subconscious mind recognized it as blood.

Gintoki struggled to crack open his eyes, though the bruises on his face felt raw. His surroundings were suddenly a lot more chaotic than he remembered, though his eyesight was still a blur. Figures were swirling violently around him, some of which were yelling in alien tongues.

"Gin-chan!" a shrill voice called loudly into his ear, stinging it painfully. "Gin-chan! Don't worry!" The voice of Kagura called as a pair of small hands grasped his shoulders, disappearing as quickly as they came. The man willed his injured neck to look up, but the sole fluorescent light hanging from the ceiling in the large room only blinded him.

The sound of wood breaking echoed throughout the room. A male voice, unfamiliar to him, screamed and was silenced with a loud 'thump.'

"Kagura-chan! Two of them are running out the back!" Shinpachi's voice called out from somewhere behind him. "Got it!" was her reply in the distance.

"Hah!" A familiar voice sneered. "Friends of yours, Sakata Gintoki?"

The Samurai could tell the Alligator-bastard was right in front of him once again, but he still couldn't do anything about it. That same rough hand grabbed the front of his kimono, dragging him and the chair as easily as a child's plaything. The weight of the chair tugged against his legs and back, leaving him feeling even more vulnerable.

"This is what you came for, isn't it?" The alien's disgusting breath washed over him.

"Put him down, or I won't show you any mercy," Gintoki could hear the resolve in Shinpachi's voice. Though he couldn't see, he could picture the young man's face as he prepared to fight.

If I live through this, I'm giving him a bonus.

"No, I don't think I will," the Amanto said mockingly. He felt the creature shift. Something was hovering close to his neck.

"Gin-san!" Shinpachi yelled.

"What the hell are you doing to my boyfriend?!" A new voice screamed just as a massive kinetic force barreled into both the alien and himself, giving him a new feeling of whiplash.

"Guhahh!" The alien roared as Gintoki tumbled to the floor, chair and all. As he came to a rest with his face against the cold concrete, he could hear the Alligator-bastard gurgle, as if drowning, before the ground shook with the weight of a massive body. A death rattle.

"Gin! Gintoki!" Small hands reached around him and easily pulled his chair back up to a sitting position. Small, but firm hands.

"Otae…" he struggled to say through a mouthful of pain. Those hands finally pushed his own wet, filthy bangs out of his vision.

And the first thing he saw was her.

With what was left of his face, he smiled as honestly as he'd ever have.

He didn't mention all the amanto gore covering her. Being covered in blood somehow suited her.

Kagura had caught up quickly, having not even broken a sweat against the low-level mob characters they just fought, and was eager to be back with the group.

But as she approached, something didn't quite look right. She looked between the Shimura siblings, then to her boss, and finally, to Shinpachi, only her expression had morphed to one of judgment. Shinpachi already looked indignant, as if he knew what she was about to say.

"Really, Shinpachi? First, Anego takes out the boss you were going to fight, then you make her carry the burden all the way home?"

"Do you really think I didn't ask?" He looked over at his sister, carrying the nearly passed-out Gintoki bridal-style. Despite their size difference, she held him effortlessly, her usual smile in place as they walked casually back towards Kabukicho. His head lolled back like a drunk's, but Tae carried him with ease. Shinpachi leaned in closer to Kagura as he added in a whisper, "I think she secretly enjoys it."

Kagura giggled. "Anego! Do you need help carrying that sack of potatoes?"

"No, that's alright Kagura-chan," the older woman replied, not even out of breath. "It's nice to return the favor for once."

Kagura could only laugh as she brought out her phone. A little extra blackmail against Gin-chan was always useful.

A/N: We all know that Gintoki would secretly like to be carried. He needs to break.